7. The Wabbit and the Big Splash

The Wabbit knew one thing - he had to be his normal self. So he hit the control handle a brutal swipe and Nine the Tram took off at speed. With a hissing of air and clanging of bells, the grey tunnel turned blue-green. Now the Wabbit gazed up through limpid water to an eerie light. "Secure ventilation!" shouted the Wabbit. "and shut the bulkhead flappers!" "I'm a tram, not a submarine," yelled Nine. There was an enormous splash as Nine broke through the surface and shot into the air. "I-ree!" cried the creatures in the back of the tram and one leaned forward and spoke to the Wabbit. "Fra wha pawt yuh deh? Me hear dem say yuh frah Africa?" The Wabbit groped in his fur for his universal translator. "Mi no dryland tourist," he said simply. "I fass and facety?" shrugged the creature. The Wabbit smiled and quivered his ears. "Just kidding," said the creature, taking a seat. There was a shudder and a whoosh as Nine shook off water like a big dog. "You know you're stuck with them now," he whispered. "Why is that?" asked the Wabbit. "They think you're Cunie, the African Rabbit God." "Cunie," mused the Wabbit. "I've been called worse."

Irie/I-ree A cry of delight.
Fra wha pawt yuh deh?: Where are you from? 
Mi no dryland tourist.: I've travelled beyond my home country. 
Fah and facety: Too inquisitive

6. The Wabbit welcomes them In

The Wabbit made a spur of the moment decision. "Zion tram is coming our way," he sang and he made a sign to Nine the Number Nine Tram. There was a hiss of compressed air and the tram doors folded closed. "The Zion Tram is coming your way, get on board," he shouted to the creatures. "Oh get on board! You better get on board!" One by one the creatures boarded the tram and took their seats and waited. "You got to catch a tram," sang the Wabbit, "because there is no other station." "Then we going in the same direction," sang the creatures. "Ooh ooh!" sang the Wabbit. Nine the Tram took that as his signal and folded his doors, then with an imperceptible shudder, he started to move. "A wa do dem? A wa do dem dem dem?" sang the Wabbit. "A we nuh know - a we nuh know," scatted the creatures. Nine the Tram began to glide through the Late Tunnel like a merchant ship leaving port - and as he gained momentum he gently intoned a Reggae dub. "This Tram," said one creature. "has come to take us home," said another.  "Don't worry about a thing, oh no!" said the Wabbit kindly and he made for the driver's cabin. "'cause every little thing gonna be all right."

5. The Wabbit Talks the Talk

The creatures wanted a confidential discussion so the Wabbit went to the rear of the Number Nine Tram. They spoke and the Wabbit listened attentively. "What are they saying Wabbit?" asked Nine impatiently. "Just a second," said the Wabbit. Then he held up a paw and nodded his head vigorously. "All right Nine, I have it."  Nine, the Tram waited patiently. "In order for them to continue offering the Late Tunnel service, they would like some quid pro quo." stated the Wabbit. "And what exactly is this quid that I should quo?" said Nine. "While you're down here," said the Wabbit, "the creatures would like entertainment." There was a long silence. "They feel it's only fair," added the Wabbit. "What kind of entertainment?" queried Nine. "They like music," said the Wabbit, "can you sing?" "The Number Nine Tram laughed and burst into a blues. "Hey Mr. Judge, your trams are coming down the line. The cargo ain't too much if you can chase the friends of mine." The Wabbit threw back his head. "I heard they smuggle in the goods, along the western union line." He bent down to the creatures and talked for a long time. "What did they say?" asked Nine. "They prefer Reggae," said the Wabbit. "Zion Tram!" said Nine.

4. The Wabbit and the Tunnel Creatures

The Wabbit hopped down from the driver's seat. "Open the door, Nine," he said firmly. "We never open doors in the Late Tunnel," protested Nine. "There's a first time for everything," said the Wabbit in an irritating manner he had learned from his grandmother. "On your head be it!"" said Nine. "Don't come hopping to me when it all goes wrong." There was a hiss of compressed air and the doors folded open. The Wabbit slung a paw round a rail, leaned out and peered down. "Ah" he said screwing up his eyes. "Um," said the Wabbit peering further. "Ah," he said again. "Oh please Commander," sighed Nine. "May we dispense with the interjections. What can you see?" "I recognise your creatures," said the Wabbit, much as if he saw them every day at the supermarket. "Enlighten me," said Nine. "They're equations," said the Wabbit. "They make your neat little late system work." "Let's just leave them be," said Nine with a hiss of compressed air. "Let's close the doors and be on our way." Nine's motor started to whine. "Hang on Nine," said the Wabbit. "They seem to want something." He bent a little nearer and murmured something in algebra. There was sqeaking sound and a sharp click. "They'd like more in their wave packets," said the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Grey Zone

The Wabbit was fascinated with red buttons and never failed to press them, usually with unexpected and occasionally unfortunate results. Now he stared from the driver's cabin at a sea of grey and no matter what he did with the control handle, the tram floated gently through grey space. "What the Binky?" muttered the Wabbit. The voice of Nine, the Number Nine Tram sounded spooky in the void. "You pressed the red button and I'm afraid we're in the Late Tunnel." The Wabbit breathed in and out to become mindful of his breath. But he had never got the hang of it and was only mindful of grey. "What on earth is the Late Tunnel?" he sighed. "The Late Tunnel," said Nine, "is an emergency zone where we can go if we are irremediably late." "To hide from an inspector?" asked the Wabbit. "No, to make up time," said Nine. "We reappear at a distant fare stage as if we hadn't been late in the first place." The Wabbit thought of his city travels for a minute. "That explains quite a lot," he said. "How long will we be here?" "Oh, there's no time in here," said Nine. "Just relax." "I suppose it could be enjoyable," said the Wabbit, counting his breaths. "Oh it is," said Nine, "except for the Creatures."

2. The Wabbit takes Over

The Wabbit jumped into the tram driver's seat and slammed shut the cabin door. "OK Nine, I'm in charge so I'm going to check everything is in place." Compressed air hissed and the passenger doors closed. The Wabbit nodded approvingly. "Do you have a vigilance control system and logic speed control?" he asked. "Yes," said Nine. "Where?" said the Wabbit. "There," said Nine. The Wabbit noticed they were switched off, so he leaned forward and switched them on again. Then, after a brief thought, he stretched out a paw and flicked them back off. "Do you have plenty of braking sand in your reservoir?" he asked. "I do," said Nine. "Pantograph?" said the Wabbit. "Foot pedal," said Nine with a hiss of compressed air. "Dead Rabbits Handle? asked the Wabbit. "Not necessary," laughed Nine. "And remind me Nine," grinned the Wabbit, "of who exactly is in control of the Tram?" "My driver is Commander Wabbit of the Department of Wabbit Affairs," said Nine. "Tell me one more thing Nine," said the Wabbit. A silence fell, only to be broken by another hiss of compressed air. The Wabbit pointed at a cluster of instruments. "Precisely what," asked the Wabbit, "does that red button do?"

1. The Wabbit - the Reluctant Passenger

The Wabbit found himself back in the Number Nine Tram, which seemed to be heading along its normal route to Corso Massimo D'Azeglio. He was thinking things over and the rattle of rails and hum of nearby traffic became so hypnotic that he was all but lost in reverie. Suddenly the tram braked harshly and the Wabbit nearly fell off his seat. "That's enough thinking," shouted the Wabbit to empty air. His words bounced round metal and wood and returned to stare him in the face. "OK, that's it!" he said. "Passenger no more!" and he hopped up from his seat and made for the driver's cabin. Tram Number 9 increased speed and tore round the corner from Via Madama Cristina. The Wabbit grabbed a paw rail and screamed at the top of his voice. "I'm taking over, Nine." There was no reply. "This cost me all my lunch vouchers and I'm going to drive," yelled the Wabbit. Nine the Number Nine Tram switched points and coasted onto Corso Massimo. "I've lots more to show you," he said, with a hiss of compressed air. "Yes, but I'm in charge," said the Wabbit and he advanced menacingly on the cabin door. "Don't you like being a passenger?" asked Nine. "It never sat well with me," grimaced the Wabbit.

9. Wabbit & the Cat who knew about Time

The Wabbit looked in awe. "Maya!" he exclaimed. Attended by Unut, his old friend was changing rapidly. Maya was the Cat who knew about Time and over the years she had proved a source of great strength to the Wabbit. "What's happening Maya?" he asked.  "I ran out of Time, so I must transform," miaowed Maya. She reached out and touched the peak of the pyramid and Unut laid a paw on her leg. Maya's paw grew enormous and glowed in the darkness. Unut the Rabbit Goddess spoke. "Maya is to be a Goddess and she will join us here in the dark basement," she said softly. The Wabbit looked across at Lapinette and saw her eyes were moist. "How will we know about Time now?" he said. "Time is the father of truth - but its mother is our mind," said Maya. "You may visit me here with the other Goddesses - if you have the time."  The Wabbit trembled and didn't know what to say, so he thought hard. And as he thought he suddenly saw Maya as a Sphynx Goddess with colossal paws. "Anything you need for the afterlife, Goddess?" he asked. The Sphynx Goddess spoke. "Vanilla yoghurt," she said, "and Wudy's turkey sausages."

8. The Wabbit and the Emergency Stop

Nine the Number Nine Tram vanished back into the tunnel and emerged somewhere the Wabbit vaguely knew. And there was Skratch the Cat looking urgent and Unut the Rabbit Goddess too. The Wabbit squinted at Skratch. "Look Skratch I'm on a Tram journey," he said. "What's the deal?" "An emergency stop overrides the itinerary," interrupted Nine. "What kind of emergency?" asked the Wabbit. Skratch looked up at him. "This is the trade entrance of the Egyptian Museum," he explained. The Wabbit felt that Skratch was unusually flustered. "I'm aware of where we are, Skratch," he answered softly. "Well, Unut is waiting for you, and she can't keep the door open long." The Wabbit paused. "You have to go," urged Skratch. The Wabbit felt like shrugging but his shrug stayed in his shoulders and he slowly put a foot out of the tram. "Come on Commander!" shouted Unut. The Wabbit stopped. "When I visit, I usually go in the front entrance," he thought. "Will you please stop thinking and do as you're told?" yelled Unut. The Wabbit wasn't predisposed to doing what he was told, but Unut was a Goddess and he usually made an exception. "OK," he said and he jumped down. "Hop this way," said Unut. "Hop like an Egyptian," murmured the Wabbit.

7. The Wabbit and the Critical Reflection

"Trams should have toilets," murmured the Wabbit to himself as he went to wash his paws. "So they should," said his reflection. The Wabbit looked in the mirror and shook his head. "We have to stop meeting like this," he quipped, shrugging in a way that only the Wabbit could. "I wish you wouldn't shrug like that," said his reflection. "It looks like you don't care." The Wabbit was going to shrug again, but the reflection held up a paw. "There you are, you're doing it again." "I have a tram to catch," said the Wabbit and he dried his paws on his fur. "Not so fast," said his reflection. "I hope you're taking note of all the things the Tram is showing you." "Why?" asked the Wabbit. "Because you need to be more aware of your path." His reflection waved a paw back and forward indicating a long path. The Wabbit hissed softly. "What's my path got to do with the Number Nine Tram?" "Everything," said his reflection. "What you've been, what you are now, and what you will become." The Wabbit stared at his reflection and grinned. "Can you shrug?" His reflection shrugged just like the Wabbit. The Wabbit nodded approvingly and so did his reflection. "Now together!" yelled the Wabbit. They both shrugged at the same time. "You'll get the hang of it," said the Wabbit.

6. The Wabbit & the Contemplative Wall

The Number Nine Tram suddenly reversed, plunged back into the tunnel and burst through a wall. Then with a hiss of compressed air he shuddered to a halt. The Wabbit looked out. "This is my secret garden," he said. "I come here to contemplate." "And look! There you are over there," said Nine the Tram, "but why are you touching the wall?" The Wabbit watched himself for a while. "I touch the wall," he said, "because it's very old and emits some kind of vibration." Nine was silent and waited for the Wabbit to continue. "This is a defended space," said the Wabbit. "It's a quiet little world and the wall keeps things out." "And in," said Nine. The Wabbit thought for a moment. "Yes it does," he murmured. "Things I consider here, I keep very much to myself." "It's your sacred space," said Nine quietly. "When I'm here it belongs to me," said the Wabbit and he looked down the compartment with a question on his lips. "Are you a Hop-on Hop-off Tram?" he asked. "I'm a Hop-on Tram," said Nine. "Hopping off is a matter of negotiation." The Wabbit wriggled. "Could I hop off for a second?" "Why?" said Nine. "I need to go to the toilet," grinned the Wabbit.

5. The Wabbit and the Tram with a View

The scene changed as abruptly as before and a hiss heralded a sharp chill as the front doors swung open. So the Wabbit hopped to the rear and looked out. "What do you see?" asked Nine, the Number 9 Tram. "Turin," said the Wabbit and then he thought for a bit. "But just the top." "What about the whole Turin?" asked Nine. The Wabbit gazed down. "The whole Turin is a complex network of culture and relationships." Compressed air hissed again. "You sound like a book," said Nine. The Wabbit fought for an example. "I can see the spire of the Mole Antonelliana but I can't see the film museum inside. I can't see people having fun." "You can see only the surface of things," said Nine. "Yes, it's like a map," said the Wabbit. "But down there my friends are working and playing." "Can you see the Old Abandoned Hospital?" asked Nine. "Yes," said the Wabbit. "It's over there." "And you can see the Big Ramp at Lingotto?" "Yes," said the Wabbit. "But can you see yourself?" said Nine. The Wabbit stared and stared and stared. Then suddenly he caught sight of the Tram reflected in the River and he saw his face at the window, peering out. The Wabbit winked. His reflection winked back. "My fur needs a trim," smiled the Wabbit.

4. The Wabbit in the Milky Way

Suddenly everything changed. Nine, the Number Nine Tram emerged from the tunnel to an extraordinary scene and the Wabbit looked out at billions of stars, trying to recognise where he was. "Mostly Red Dwarfs," muttered the Wabbit. "Well at least it's my own galaxy." He shrugged at his reflection in the glass and relaxed. Everything was so unbearably quiet, he could hear his heart beat. The Wabbit let go of the control handle and poked the window with his paw and thought long and hard. "I'm used to being in charge," he thought, "but maybe I can't be in charge of everything." He rummaged in his fur and extracted a list of "Things to be in Charge Of" and a stubby pencil. The Wabbit licked the end of the pencil, added "trams" to the list and stuffed it back in his fur. "You can't be in charge of trams," said Nine. The Wabbit stared at the console, then tapped it with his paw. "Now look Nine," he said. "Let's drop this poor tram nonsense. What's going on?" "Look at your reflection, Wabbit," said Nine. "and tell me what nine means to you." The Wabbit reflected. "Nine is where we return to the One," he said. "The Cosmos. The life and death cycle." There was a hiss of compressed air. "I have things to show you," said Nine. "I thought you'd say that," sighed the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Psyche Tunnel

Nine, the No. 9 Tram swerved across the junction on one set of wheels and turned across a bridge. Ringing his bell frantically, he switched points without mercy and dashed across busy junctions against the lights. The Wabbit hid his eyes as cars screeched to a halt and he grabbed a rail as Nine lurched down Corso Casale to Sassi and the funicular railway  "Where are you going Nine?" asked the Wabbit through clenched teeth. "The scenic route," said Nine. The Wabbit had to laugh. "We're in a tunnel," he said, "and we're not supposed to be here." "Pretty, isn't it?" said Nine. "I never get to go in tunnels." "Well you should have been a train," said the Wabbit. "It was my parents' fault," said Nine. "I wanted to be a train but they said a tram was a steady living and it was local." The Wabbit felt a throbbing in his foot, which meant he thought his leg was being pulled. "I rather like tunnels," he said chattily. "There's a nice sense of enclosure." "I used to take a psychiatrist to the hospital every day," said Nine, "and he was a mine of information about tunnels." "You know all about them, then," said the Wabbit. "Always assuming  I agree," said Nine, "I'm a follower of analyst Carl Jung myself." The Wabbit smiled. "So what did you learn, Nine?" "The light at the end of the tunnel," said Nine, "is a new life."

2. The Wabbit and the Runaway Tram

The Wabbit held on tight as the No. 9 Tram rocketed forward. There was a squeal as it rushed past a platform, so the Wabbit tried the brakes. Then he released some sand on the wheels but to no avail. The Tram got faster and faster. "Are you certain you're designed for this speed?" said the Wabbit irritably. "I don't really know," said Nine. "I'm bored with the same old route." The Wabbit looked quizzical. "Corso this and Via that," moaned the Tram. "It all looks the same." The noise was deafening and the Wabbit's ears twitched. "Ding ding, doors open, doors closed," continued the Tram. The Wabbit shook his head sadly. "Yes, how utterly dreary," he agreed in an attempt to forge a bond with the tram. But there was more. "People block the doors and won't let others off," said the Tram. "Oh really?" asked the Wabbit. "And some drape themselves round my ticket machine and jump off when they see an inspector." "Rascals!" shouted the Wabbit. "Am I not worthy of my hire?" asked the Tram, picking up more speed. "Oh yes, Nine," said the Wabbit firmly. "The tram is worthy of his reward, 1st Timothy 5:18." "Ah," sighed the Tram, "it's lovely to meet someone like you." "Watch out for that curve!" yelled the Wabbit.

1. The Wabbit and the No. 9 Tram

On the way from the Adventure Caffè, the Wabbit seized a chance to drive the No 9 Tram. This was something he had always wanted to do, but somehow the opportunity had eluded him. On this occasion he was successful, but it had cost the Wabbit a considerable amount - all the lunch vouchers he had in his fur and the promise of a gala dinner. Still, the Wabbit was satisfied and he switched on the power supply, released the brakes and pushed the control handle. The tram slid smoothly away from the stop and the Wabbit smiled as it glided at a leisurely pace. Occasionally the Wabbit would switch the points with a button on his console and listen to the snicking noise as the tram proceeded. "Oh I do like trams," murmured the Wabbit to himself. "Yes, so do I," said the Tram, "and do be careful wth my controls. I've just had a service." It had been some time since a vehicle had spoken to the Wabbit and he frowned. "What's your name?" he asked cautiously. "Nine," said the Tram. "OK Nine, nice and easy does it," said the Wabbit. A compressor hissed. "I feel like a jaunt," said Nine. The Wabbit saw the power notching up and he clenched his 28 teeth. "Here we go again," he muttered.

The Wabbit in the Adventure Caffè

"Who's that?" asked the Wabbit. "Marco Mengoni of course." Lapinette, stabbed the magazine with her paw. The Wabbit looked quizzical. "He's a singer songwriter. He won the Italian X-factor," said Lapinette. "Oh really," said the Wabbit without enthusiasm. The Wabbit only liked old scratchy jazz records that he found in markets."Don't let Skratch see it," he said. "He'll give us a lecture on popular culture." "Too late!" said a familiar voice. "That Mengoni fellow has a sort of captivating meaow." "Oh hello Skratch," cooed Lapinette. "You tell us what kind of adventure we just had." "An interesting Brechtian escapade," said Skratch. "You certainly made your point." "Oh thanks," said the Wabbit smiling. "Well you made it rather a lot," purred Skratch. "But it was accessible enough." "Anything else? "asked the Wabbit with hesitation. "It looked good," said Skratch. The Wabbit's face fell. "But nothing, however good it looks," quoted Skratch, "should be termed good unless it is." Now the Wabbit really grinned. "Thank you Skratch, you're a most intelligent feline." "Any more good quotes, Skratch?" asked Lapinette. Skratch paused. "There are some with brains and some without," he said. "It makes for a better division of labour."

9. The Wabbit suggests a Deal

The Wabbit hopped out into the sun to face the Slifts. "I hope you took that offer of the Fake Fur Futures," he called. "We didn’t," snorted the Slifts. "Then that was ill-advised," said the Wabbit and he snorted too. Looking down, he flicked imaginary lint from his own fur then looked up. "Futures are what the future’s all about, you know." "But we bought the fake furs," said the Slift leader.  The Wabbit stared in mock astonishment. "What on earth did you pay?" he chortled. "A Zillion Gazillion," said a Slift too quickly. The other glared at him menacingly. "For the consignment?" asked the Wabbit. "No, each," they said together. The Wabbit’s eyes went wide. "I have very bad news," he said. "There's been a double-dip recession. The bottom’s just fallen out of the fake fur market." "What about our money?" asked the Slifts. "Don’t tell me you actually spent it," asked the Wabbit and he spread his paws wide. "Please, please tell me you didn't hand over actual cash." The Slifts nodded. The Wabbit shook his head sadly. "I’ll take the fake fur off your hands - and I promise to pay you in the future," he said. "Call it a special investment. Think of it as money in the bank." "I'd really rather not," said the Slift Leader.

8. Lapinette and the Fake Fur Futures

In a slaughterhouse at the other end of the stockyards, the three commodity skinners hovered threateningly as Lapinette hopped up and down. She was holding a fake fur jacket and she gushed in an ecstatic manner. "Quite terrific, fantastic," she murmured. "Awfully, awfully good. Just the job." "They're completely fake," said the leader. Lapinette smiled sweetly. "Better than the real thing, much better. Everyone's wearing them, even Lady Gaga." "Who?" asked another skinner. Lapinette ignored him and carried on. "Tyra Banks?" she tried. "Never heard of her," said the skinner on the right. "Elle MacPherson!" gasped Lapinette, who was running out of steam. "Ah, now youre talking," said the leader and he fumbled in his fur coat. Lapinette gaped. "Are you Time Travellers?" she asked. "Because I have a nice line in Fake Fur Futures. Invest with me and I guarantee you'll triple your money in 900 years." The skinners shook their heads. "Well, the fact is there isn't any real fur available," snapped Lapinette. The skinners growled. "How much?" "A Zillion Gazillion," said Lapinette. "For the consignment?" asked the leader. Lapinette paused and thought of the Wabbit. "Each," she grinned.

7. The Wabbit and the Confrontation

The Wabbit put his part of the plan into action. He asked for volunteers from his personal guard, the 400 Rabbits - but they all came, smelling of fresh paint and placards. The 400 Rabbits poured into Testaccio, formed a solid wall across the stockyard and waited. And when the stock arrived they started to shout at the hapless creatures. "No further!" they cried. "Stop there!" The stock halted. One of the Wabbit’s trusted cadres hopped forward in front of the Wabbit and addressed the stock directly. "Livestock!" he shouted. "Who will buy you now?" The stock agitated. "You are already bought - but not paid for," shouted the 400 Rabbits. A silence fell, except for a slithering of paws on cobbles. "Then who will feed us?" shrieked the stock. "We were given only the best of fodder and grew fat." This time the Wabbit hopped forward. "Your masters grew fat on your fur!" he yelled. "Join us and make certain that fur is in short supply." One of the stock, different from the rest, hopped forward. "That will not save our fur. Our fur will only get a higher price on the market." The Wabbit’s lip curled and only three of his 28 teeth glinted in the sun. "Today, my fellow rabbit," he grimaced, "we will render your fur unobtainable." He paused for effect. "And tomorrow it will be out of fashion."

6. The Wabbit and the Change of Plan

The Wabbit and Lapinette sat down at a beer crate to discuss a change of plan. The Wabbit said that Lapinette’s plan wouldn’t work because the creatures were too bright. Lapinette said that she could persuade them with feminine guile. The Wabbit responded by saying that usually worked, but in this case the Slifts were impervious. Lapinette asked why. The Wabbit argued that where matters of profit were concerned, only one thing worked. Lapinette rapped the crate with a paw and asked what that could possibly be. The Wabbit shrugged. "Force," he said emphatically and he hit the crate so hard that it shook and bits fell off. Lapinette sighed. "What do I have to do?" she asked. The Wabbit advised Lapinette that she should stick to the first part of her plan, but to raise the price of the fake fur to an unimaginable level. "What will you do?" she asked. The Wabbit shrugged again. "I will make any alternative impossible."  "The Slifts won’t like it," said Lapinette. The Wabbit drew back his lips and 28 teeth sparkled in a shaft of light that sliced through a hole in the roof. "Rock the Kasbah," said the Wabbit.

5. The Wabbit and Livestock Exchange

The Wabbit couldn't do a thing. Dragged into a stockyard shed, he found himself staring into the muzzle of Lapinette's automatic. He was seldom lost for words, but Lapinette made up for it. "What are you doing here?" Her voice was a whisper but it was really a yell. "You nearly blew my cover!" "Oh," said the Wabbit, weakly. "Your cover," he repeated inanely, nodding his head. He fumbled with his pistol and tucked it back into his fur. "I might need to change my plan!" hissed Lapinette. "Your plan," repeated the Wabbit. "Don't keep repeating me," yelled Lapinette. "Repeating?" The Wabbit's voice trailed off and he shrugged without enthusiasm. "Who are these creatures?" he asked in an attempt to be assertive. "And perhaps we should keep our voices down." "Slifts!" whispered Lapinette. "They're commodity skinners in the fur trade." The Wabbit flinched. "And where do you figure in all this?" "I'm posing as broker," said Lapinette, "and I persuaded them to buy a vast amount of dodgy faux stock that will glut the market." "Who'll buy livestock then?" said the Wabbit. "It'll cost the Slifts a fortune in fodder." "They'll bellow when they run out of Options," scowled Lapinette.

4. The Wabbit of the Stockyards

This looked like a stockyard to the Wabbit and his fur crawled. Something deep in his species memory scraped him with sharp claws and he shrank into a corner and pulled out his automatic. "I don’t like the smell of this," muttered the Wabbit and his nose twitched. He could smell rust and brick and wood, but there was another thing - something from the past. The odour became palpable. The smell of rubber hoses and drains, a damp smell like old gaiters long abandoned in a dank cellar. It was only then that he heard them. There were three and they floated a half metre above the cobblestones. The Wabbit’s ears pricked up and he strained to understand the short series of moans and crackles that hung in the air like ghostly static. He picked up single words. Packers, breeders, consignment, merchandise, livestock. His paw gripped his gun tightly as the spectral voices became clearer. "Ghastly business we’re in," said one, "I can hear the creatures bellow." "We meet demand," said the other. "It's not as if it’s us who eat them," said the last. The Wabbit's ears grew hot and he gritted his teeth. A hard object poked him in the ribs. He knew for sure it was the barrel of an automatic and it certainly wasn't his own. Then a voice. "Stay completely still and don’t move a hair."

3. The Wabbit and the Watching Brief

The Wabbit followed Lapinette closely and remained completely unobserved. As a secret agent, that was his job. At the same time, it was Lapinette’s job as a secret agent to spot him. But she seemed so intent on her journey that she didn’t seem to notice the Wabbit on her tail. He followed her all the way from the seaside and into an old industrial neighbourhood in the city. All this time, the Wabbit stayed a discreet distance behind while theories raced though his head. What on earth was her destination? "It might be another fashion show," thought the Wabbit. Perhaps she was going to meet a different kind of agent altogether - a fashion industry agent who pocketed 30 per cent of her vast earnings. The Wabbit considered and glanced around the area. It had seen better days and although it was under development, it didn’t seem like a fashion industry sort of place. But he remained icy calm and hopped quietly along the sidewalk in pursuit as Lapinette crossed the road to an old building. It looked like an abandoned railway station, but on closer inspection he reckoned it was a factory or a warehouse. The Wabbit stopped, looked for another way in and changed direction. "Uptight, out of sight," he hummed.

2. The Wabbit and the Fashion of Fur

It wasn’t difficult for the Wabbit to crash the event. With a paw over the date, he flashed his ancient press card and hopped across the beach. "I’ll never get the sand out of my fur," he grumbled. Worse was to come. Amidst much attention, Lapinette was modelling a strange garment. "It’s a fur coat," muttered the Wabbit with astonishment. The Wabbit knew several things. He knew Lapinette already had perfectly good fur. His fur could feel the beach was baking hot. And the campaign against the fur trade was dear to their hearts. He glanced up at a familiar sound to see Susan the Biplane trailing a fashion banner. The Wabbit flinched in the sun's glare. "I really am in the dark." So the Wabbit ignored the temperature, watched Lapinette strut the runway and had a think. He examined all the options. "Lapinette is up to something," he murmured, "and I’m going to get to the bottom of it." He was gripped by a flash of inspiration. "I have it!” thought the Wabbit. "Now what’s that thing models do – smize?” He fluttered his eyes and although he felt foolish, loped gracefully forward himself, raising his paws higher than was strictly necessary. "I can model my own fur and get on the inside," he grinned. "Then I won’t be in the dark." He heard a polite clapping. "Fur whom the bell tolls," he grinned.

1. The Wabbit and the Fashion Poster

One evening the Wabbit was out for a constitutional hop and that entailed stopping at several points en route for carrot aperitivi. As he hopped, he mused on old missions and smiled in a satisfactory manner, wondering what mysterious adventure life would throw him next. It was just getting dark as he rounded a corner into a favourite square that was to be his last port of call before he headed home. "What the binkie is going on?" he exclaimed. Several people looked around and seeing nothing but a rabbit looking at a poster, continued on their way. But the Wabbit stared and stared at the poster. "No-one told me anything about this!" he complained. "I am always kept completely in the dark." Now it wasn't at all true that the Wabbit was always kept in the dark. In fact, it was usually the Wabbit who kept others uninformed - sometimes under orders, sometimes for their own good and sometimes for entertainment. He considered for a moment. "Lapinette told me nothing of this, so perhaps it's meant to be a surprise." The Wabbit's eyes glinted. "I'm going to say nothing," he murmured, rummaging in his fur for ancient press credentials that were long out of date. "The surprise will be on Lapinette," he grinned.

The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè

The Wabbits positioned themselves in a caffè outside a cinema and waited for Skratch the Cat to emerge. Then they pretended they didn't see him. "Hello!" cried Skratch. "Hello! I'm over here!" "Oh, hello Skratch," said the Wabbit, smiling. "What a surprise to see you here." Lapinette hid a giggle. "I was at the movies," said Skratch, "I viewed Infanzia Clandestina." "That's an interesting film," said Lapinette. "The violent scenes were filmed using cartoons." "It should have had an Oscar for that," said Skratch, "but we were excluded as usual." "It has already been done," said the Wabbit, "It was in the early jazz days when Louis Armstrong was in a cartoon." Skratch nodded in agreement. "It's a controversial area," he exclaimed. He paused and pointed. "What's that you have there?" "It's an ancient jazz album," said the Wabbit. "Can you play it?" asked Skratch. "I need a phonograph," smiled the Wabbit. "I know a market where we can get one," replied Skratch, "and by the way, that Blues Bat adventure was a fine example of music genre." The Wabbit grinned ear to ear. "Yes," continued Skratch, "you allowed the main character generous expression." "You sound like film programme notes," said the Wabbit. "I do it part time," laughed Skratch.

7. The Wabbit and the Bat's Blues

The Wabbit was as good as his word and coloured spotlights lit Bat Diddley as he took the stage. The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette started to sway and their bat wings swung a rhythm of their own. "Wooooh," they sang. "Bat's Blues, wooooh!" Bat Diddley hopped forward on his cartridge feet, then spread his wings and sang in a deep smoky voice. "I'm a Blues Bat, baby. I get round fine at night." "Wooooh" sang the Batettes, "wooooh." "No time to hang around, baby," wailed Diddlley, "I make everything just right." He waved a wing to the Batettes and hopped to the side. "Just right," sang the Wabbit. "In the night," sang Lapinette. "Out of sight," sang the Wabbit. The Batettes swayed and shimmered in the lights as they spread their bat wings high. "I don't need no echo," sang Diddley, "'cos I can see you fine." "Fine, fine," sang Lapinette in the backgound. "I know your location, baby," sang Diddley, "and soon I'll make you mine." He waved his wings once more. "Mine, mine, mine, mine," sang the Wabbit and Lapinette. The music faded. "How did I do?" muttered Diddley. The Wabbit grinned a broad grin. "I see someone over there waving a cheque."

6. The Wabbit and the Colour of Sales

The Wabbit took Diddley the Vinyl Bat to a favourite wall, near a school in Via Genova. When Diddley saw it, he was ecstatic. "Oh I do like these colours," he exclaimed. "Excellent, aren't they?" said the Wabbit. "I want them for my collection," said Diddley. The Wabbit shook his head and jumped up and down. "Just take your time and appreciate the colours," he said, making a flouncy gesture with his paws. "Now Diddley, if you had your choice of colour what would be it be?" "Diamond," said Diddley immediately. The Wabbit smiled, because he felt he was making progress. "Have you thought of a back up colour?" asked Lapinette. "Platinum or gold," said Diddley. The Wabbit grinned a very big grin indeed, using all of his 28 teeth. "If you want those colours you need to have substantial recording sales," he said. "And if you want sales, you must promote yourself with a gig," said Lapinette. "I can get you a gig!" said the Wabbit. "With flashing lights?" asked Diddley. "I'll do my level best," said the Wabbit. "What about my Batettes?" asked Diddley. "I'll need at least two." "You have us!" said the Wabbit and Lapinette.

5. The Wabbit and the Bat's Choice

The Wabbit decided it was time to put colour to the test and persuaded Bat Diddley, the Vinyl Bat, to go with them to the market. "What lovely shirt colours!" said Diddley, "I must record them at once." The Wabbit shook his head. "You need to be in the moment, Diddley. What colour do you like?" "I like them all," said Diddley. "You have to choose," said Lapinette. Diddley rummaged on the stall without deciding. "I'll record the colours and choose later," he said. The Wabbit shook his head again. "You have to buy a shirt and keep it." "What about that red one?" said Diddley. "It's a little garish for your complexion," said the Wabbit and he steered Diddley across to a claret coloured shirt. Now Lapinette knew that was the colour of the Wabbit's favourite football team, but she decided to stay quiet. "That shirt has particularly excellent hue and tone," said the Wabbit in the manner of a disinterested expert. Lapinette smiled to herself. "Do you know, I think you're right," said Diddley, "it rather suits me." "Then what's it going to be?" asked Lapinette. "I'll take it!" cried Diddley. "This is only the start," grinned the Wabbit.

4. The Wabbit in the Kingdom of the Bat

The Wabbit and Lapinette found themselves transported to a large hall that was completely monochrome - except the colour from a panel of photographs. "Welcome to my Hall," said the large Vinyl Bat. "I do hope I didn't scare you." "Not at all, Mr ..." The Wabbit squinted at the Bat's label in search of a name. "Mr Diddley?" The Bat nodded. "Well Mr Diddley, I'm afraid you've been stealing our colour." Diddley the Vinyl Bat was horrified. "Borrowing!" he exclaimed, "The effect is only temporary. We put the colour back immediately" Lapinette tried to see her left eye without success, but the Wabbit peeked at his glasses and could see the blue had returned. "Then why are you borrowing colour?" he asked. "To record it," said the Vinyl Bat. "We're making a complete record of all the colours in existence." "On vinyl," said Lapinette. "On vinyl," said the Bat. The Wabbit considered. "I still don't get it," he murmured "A complete collection of colours will be available on vinyl," said the Bat in a loud, emphatic tone. He stared at the colours for a second and rotated slightly. Then with a click of his cartridge feet, Diddley the Vinyl Bat returned colour to the panel of photographs on the wall. "Oh," said the Wabbit, "that's groovy!"

3. The Wabbit and the Bat out of Hell

The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette abandoned puzzling out the presence of vinyl bats and took the metro home. And as they hopped down the escalator, they talked about the bats and began to laugh as they batted the whole problem around. The Wabbit sang a few verses from Bat out of Hell but had to stop when Lapinette kicked him on the leg. "I'll be gone, gone, gone, ouch!" yelled the Wabbit. "You're bats in the belfry," giggled Lapinette. "I cant help it, it's my way," said the Wabbit and he held his paws up like wings. Lapinette held her paws up too and they hopped forward in unison. "Go, go, go with a smile!" sang the Wabbit and he hopped forward again. "Batdance! Do it! Keep bustin'!" chanted Lapinette and she hopped too. They hopped up and down and waved their wings and chortled. They were so enjoying themselves, they became quite oblivious to anything around. "I always ask that of all my prey," said a voice. The Wabbit and Lapinette stopped dead and looked at one another. "Did you sing that?" asked Lapinette. "Not guilty," said the Wabbit. He glanced over his shoulder and so did Lapinette. "Uh oh," they murmured.

2. The Wabbit and the Vinyl Bats

The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette followed the bat and found themselves in a piazza just off Via San Francesco D'Assisi. "There are scores of them," said Lapinette, clutching her automatic. The Wabbit looked and thought hard. "There's something familiar about them," he replied and he pushed Lapinette's automatic away. "I don't think they're malicious." "But they seem to have taken the colour out of that building," said Lapinette. "It needed a clean," said the Wabbit. "No harm." They both looked up for a while, but nothing moved. "Are they asleep?" murmured Lapinette to herself. "You're the one with the bio acoustics certificate," said the Wabbit. "Do you want to give them a shout?" "In that position," stated Lapinette, "they can sleep and be ready to fly." "Then of course they do all that fluttering of wings and squealing," said the Wabbit.  Lapinette listened for a minute. "Can you hear that?" she asked. "I can," said the Wabbit and he angled his ears, swivelled them around and concentrated. "I can hear Jack Brenson and his Delta Cats," said the Wabbit. "That," scoffed Lapinette, "is Rocket 88 and it was really Ike Turner's band." The Wabbit stared at Lapinette. "You've been raiding my records!"

1. The Wabbit and the Colour Thief

The Wabbit and Lapinette jumped off the tram and were hopping across the bridge, when there was an occurrence. "Whoa!" said the Wabbit. "What?" said Lapinette. "That poster," said the Wabbit. "It flew off the bus and left only black and white." Lapinette glanced at the Wabbit. "And you're missing a frame from your super-glasses." The Wabbit touched his glasses. "No it's still here," he said. "But your left eye needs make up." Lapinette shrieked and pointed in horror. "The blue has gone from half your glasses!" "We're suffering a loss of colour," said the Wabbit. They both looked around and then up. Lapinette pointed. "It looks like colour theft. What on earth is that?" "It's some kind of bird," said the Wabbit. "Or a bat," said Lapinette. "Bats eat fruit or insects," said the Wabbit. "They don't eat colour." "It's not tasty," agreed Lapinette, shaking her head. The Wabbit tried to imagine how colour tasted then shook his head too. "In any case I thought bats were blind." "Quite the opposite," said Lapinette primly. Lapinette had a certificate in bio-ecology and acoustics, so the Wabbit quickly conceded. "Seeing is believing," he said.

The Wabbit and the Jazz University

Skratch the Cat met the Wabbit emerging from the university and fell alongside. "Hello, Wabbit where were you?" "Oh, hello Skratch," said the Wabbit, "I was just giving a talk on jazz and rabbits." "Really," replied Skratch, "can you give a whole lecture on that?" The Wabbit looked snooty. "Jazz," he said, "is the natural music of rabbits," and he left it at that, as if the statement alone was enough. "How so?" asked Skratch, inclining his head. "Rabbits appear and disappear at will," stated the Wabbit. "Now you see them, now you don't?" queried Skratch. The Wabbit nodded gravely. "And so it is with jazz," he said. "In jazz, there are notes that aren't really there and we rabbits lean on spaces that aren't there." "How do you know they aren't there?" asked Skratch. "Because we can't hear them or see them," said the Wabbit. Skratch's brain whirled. "They're ghosts!" said the Wabbit. "They don't exist as such -  we just imply them." "Oh I see!" said Skratch, without conviction. "Well, talking of things that aren't there, isn't it colourless around here?" "Do you know all theory is grey?" said the Wabbit. "You hum it and I'll join in," said Skratch.

The Wabbit's Adventure Caffè

"I'm relieved to see all these people," said Lapinette. "So am I" said the Wabbit. "And now we're back in phase, Skratch can ask the Question." "I will," said Skratch the Cat. "What was that for a short adventure?" "It was all a question of point of view," said the Wabbit. "Who's point of view?" wailed Ghost Bunny. "Our point of view," said the Wabbit. "That's why you got contaminated," moaned Ghost Bunny softly. "Your point of view was strongly attractive to the Dark Energy creatures." "Perhaps our point of view needs to shift," said Lapinette." "Well, whatever you do, don't lose it," said Skratch. "If it got out on its own, it might run amok." "I don't want anyone else to have my point of view," said the Wabbit, "they might go around trying to be me." Skratch paused, then smiled an embarrassed smile. "I saw you by the way." "Where?" said the Wabbit. "At the jazz club," answered Skratch. "Then why didn't you say anything?" asked Lapinette. Skratch hung his head a bit. "We were booking for Michael Bublé." "Oh, he's not so bad," grinned the Wabbit. Skratch gaped. "Are you going through a phase?" "It will pass," laughed Lapinette.

7. The Wabbits in the Quantum Well

Ghost Bunny flew wailing into the air and back, as a cage formed around the Wabbit and Lapinette. The Wabbits flinched as a sudden, massive force pulled them forward, then back, then up, then down to the bottom of the cage. "I was in a washing machine once," panted the Wabbit. Lapinette squirmed. "How did that go?" she gasped. "It was all right until rinse and spin," spluttered the Wabbit. Suddenly the pulling stopped. "What’s happening, Ghost Bunny?" shouted the Wabbit. "You’re in a quantum lattice well," said Ghost Bunny. "It will pull you flat again and then you’ll be correctly in phase." "As much as we ever were," said Lapinette. "We were only going through a phase," mused the Wabbit. "I’ve been waiting to hear you say that for some time," sighed Lapinette and she kicked the Wabbit in the leg. "I didn’t feel that at all," grinned the Wabbit. "Then I have to make a few quantum adjustments," said Ghost Bunny and she flew around hauntingly for quite some time. At last she returned. "Here's a wish for the quantum well," she moaned. "How many dimensions would you like to be?" "Just the usual two," said the Wabbit.

6. The Wabbit and the Cold Dark Matter

Ghost Bunny floated to a gateway and indicated that Lapinette and the Wabbit should get inside. Then she did something - and what that something was, no-one knew for sure. But a cloud of dancing matter swirled around the Wabbits and when they became visible, Ghost Bunny addressed them both directly. "What on earth are you two up to?" she breathed in a haunting voice. "We don't know," said the Wabbit. "It just happened," said Lapinette. "We're out of phase," said the Wabbit. "I know," said Ghost Bunny, "and that's exactly where you'll stay unless I can think of a solution." "I don't like it here," said the Wabbit. Ghost Bunny thought for a while and then she reached some kind of conclusion. "It must have been the dark energy creatures you fought in the Metro," she wailed. "They contaminated you." "Yuck," said Lapinette and she pawed her shoulders frantically. Ghost Bunny started to moan a low technical moan, full of equations and talk of isotropic inertness and perturbations. "That doesn't get us out," said the Wabbit. "We can't stay in this gateway forever, it's cold," sulked Lapinette. "I'm thinking," said Ghost Bunny. "so please let me complete my research." "What about a Potential Well?" interrupted Lapinette. "Oh, things aren't that bad," said Ghost Bunny.

5. The Shadows of the Wabbits

The Wabbit and Lapinette tried to take a Number 9 tram but there didn’t seem to be any. So they hopped a long way through deserted streets until they came to Pluto Park - in the hope of finding Ghost Bunny. "She’s usually around here somewhere," said the Wabbit and his ears fidgeted. "Do you really think she can help us get back into phase?" said Lapinette. "If anyone can, she can," said the Wabbit. Lapinette knew the Wabbit trusted Ghost Bunny like no other and she nodded quietly. "There she is!" shouted the Wabbit. Lapinette waved frantically and so did the Wabbit. "Over here, over here, Ghost Bunny!" they yelled. Ghost Bunny seemed to look at them, then turned away. "No, no!" shouted the Wabbit. "Help! We’re out of phase!" Ghost Bunny paused and turned back. She stared for a while then shook her head. "I’m sure I saw something," she murmured. "No, just a trick of the light." She shrugged just like the Wabbit and started to turn away again. "Lapinette, look!" shouted the Wabbit, "we have shadows! Jump, jump!" They both jumped and waved and their shadows danced merrily. Ghost Bunny swung around. "Wabbit? Lapinette?" she said. "Ghost Bunny!" screamed the Wabbit. Ghost Bunny couldn’t hear a thing but this time she gazed shrewdly. "Something weird is going on," she decided. 

4. The Wabbits seem to be Ignored

The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette headed for the Torino Jazz Club which did rather a good carrot aperitivo - and it looked as deserted as everywhere else in the city. But to the Wabbit's surprise, two familiar figures came into view. "Look there’s Skratch!" shouted the Wabbit. "And Wabsworth, your android double!" yelled Lapinette. The Wabbit gazed, because something seemed strange about them. "Lets join them and ask what’s going on," suggested the Wabbit. They chased after them shouting and waving their paws. But no matter how much they shouted and waved, Skratch and Wabsworth paid not the slightest attention whatsoever - and continued into the Club. "Skraaaatch!" yelled the Wabbit with the loudest voice he could muster. "Waaaabsworth!" screamed Lapinette. But it was as if their friends could neither hear or see them. The Wabbit turned to Lapinette and touched her lightly on the paw. "You can feel that, can't you?" he asked. "Of course I can," said Lapinette and she poked the Wabbit in the ribs. "Ouch" said the Wabbit. "So what's happening?" asked Lapinette. "They're OK, I'm afraid it's us," said the Wabbit. "We can't be seen?" said Lapinette. "Or heard," said the Wabbit. "Because something's thrown us out of phase."

3. The Wabbits in the Deserted City

"You’re on the flower bed," said Lapinette. "Am I?" said the Wabbit. "There’s nobody here to tell me off," he remarked and his ears swayed gently. "Get off anyway," said Lapinette. "OK," said the Wabbit and he looked all around. "It’s deserted just like the Marie Celeste." "We’re not a ship in the Atlantic Ocean," said Lapinette. The Wabbit shook his head. "Look over there at that caffè," he said. "I can see an espresso machine steaming gently - just as if everyone vanished into thin air." "That never really happened on the Marie Celeste," said Lapinette. "Didn’t it?" queried the Wabbit in a disappointed voice. "What happened to the crew?" "Oh, the crew vanished all right," said Lapinette. "What’s your theory then?" asked the Wabbit. "Pirates," said Lapinette. The Wabbit laughed. "And they never took the cargo of alcohol destined for Genoa to fortify wine?" Lapinette was forced to nod in agreement and she looked around some more. "Better radio in," she decided. "There’s no-one there," said the Wabbit. "Not even static. Silent as the day is long. Completely dead." "I get the drift," said Lapinette. "I can only think of one thing to do," said the Wabbit. "Let’s have an aperitivo." "Self service?" said Lapinette. "The only way to go," grinned the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit and the Quiet Highway

"Where did we have to turn?" said the Wabbit. "Left at Albuquerque," said Lapinette. "Ha ha," said the Wabbit, "you got the wrong rabbit." "If you weren’t haring along you wouldn’t miss turns," said Lapinette. "I’m used to better," said the Wabbit. Lapinette smiled. "You mean Turbina?" she said, "well you can’t always drive a jet car." "I prefer to," said the Wabbit. "You prefer a car to fly," said Lapinette, "and that's weird." "I like Turbina," said the Wabbit, changing gear. "She has an impossibly high rank," cautioned Lapinette. "Yes," said the Wabbit, "it’s so high that no one knows what it is." "There was silence and all they could hear was a faint hum and the murmuring of Capital Radio. "No-one much about," observed the Wabbit. Lapinette tossed her ears back. "I thought  you liked a quiet drive." "It's spooky," said the Wabbit. "And if it seems wrong, it probably is." "Do you think they were spirited away?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit considered. "Now you’re talking," he answered. "It’s very spooky indeed." Lapinette dug the Wabbit in the ribs. "Do you have the toll money?" "It’s in my fur," said the Wabbit. "I’ll never find it in time," groaned Lapinette. "Maybe there won’t be anybody at the toll," said the Wabbit. And there wasn’t.

1. The Wabbits Hop the Silent Sands

Far, far away from secret keys and flying saucers and interrogations, Lovely Lapinette and the Wabbit hopped along the empty sands. "Not many around," commented Lapinette. "Swept out to sea?" suggested the Wabbit. "Wabbit!" sighed Lapinette. "Must you always lark around and make bad jokes." "I never  lark" said the Wabbit, "and jokes belong to the beholder." "You can't behold a joke," giggled Lapinette. "I'm not so sure," said the Wabbit and he wriggled his ears in a manner only he could manage. They strolled for a bit and then Lapinette remembered something. "What did you do with the Ice Mice?" "Probation," said the Wabbit. "That's lenient," said Lapinette. "They're now training to be probation officers," said the Wabbit. "You're a very harsh rabbit," sighed Lapinette. "It's called poetic justice," said the Wabbit. They hopped a little further down the beach. "I did hear from the Department about a new mission," whispered Lapinette. The Wabbit's eyes brightened. "But it's very hush-hush," she added. "Better not tell me then," laughed the Wabbit.

The Wabbit interrogates the Prisoners

The Wabbit didn't really enjoy interrogations, even when he was the one doing them. So he made an arrangement with Marshall Duetta Spyder, who knew the terrain. The Wabbit would be tough and Duetta the more reasonable. The Wabbit stared at the Ice Mice, curled his lip into a sneer. and made his big blue glasses pop forward. "I want names! I want places!" He paused for effect. "And I want other things I haven't even thought of!" "We are Ice Mice one, two and three," said the leader of the Ice Mice. "And we're not obliged to tell you anything." "I'll oblige you to speak when you're spoken to," yelled the Wabbit. "Ah, Commander. You did speak to them," said Duetta. "Did I ask them to answer?" said the Wabbit. "You implied they should answer," said Duetta. The Wabbit turned away then wheeled around. "You don't have to tell me anything. I know everything there is to know." "Then why are we here?" asked the leader. Duetta waved her front legs. "Why don't you tell him why you think you're here," she said silkily. "We only wanted the key," said an Ice Mouse. "To control the weather," said the Wabbit. "Is that a crime?" said an Ice Mouse. "Everyone else does it," said another. The Wabbit sighed a very long sigh. "Your mothers shouldn't have let you out!" he snapped.

The Wabbit at the Jump Cut Caffè

"Was that a Jump Cut I just felt?" asked Skratch the Cat. "You should know," said the Wabbit. "You're the Jump Cat." Skratch thought for a minute, but Lapinette broke the silence. "It certainly was. We all jumped." They nodded in agreement. "It wasn't a zoom or a cut-in," said the Wabbit. "It was from the same point of view, but we all changed round." "It was far from seamless," said Skratch. "Quite abrupt," said Lapinette. "A device to draw attention to the unreality of  life as we know it," commented the Wabbit. "By disrupting the narrative flow," said Skratch. They all took a very deep breath and now it was the Wabbit's turn to think. "I'm thirsty," said the Wabbit, "so where are our drinks?" "Service is a little slow," said Skratch. "And film criticism is so dehydrating," said Lapinette. The Wabbit leaned back and stretched. "While we're waiting we can think about our next adventure." "Anything on the wire?" asked Skratch. "It's the summer," shrugged Lapinette. "But we need an adventure," sighed the Wabbit. "No funds at the Department," said Lapinette, "it's the cuts." "The Wabbit's eyes flashed. "We'll cut them off at the pass!"

The Wabbit and that Adventure Caffè

The Wabbit heard their truck pull up and then the sound of pawsteps. He looked at Lapinette and winked and Lapinette winked too. Skratch the Cat saw Lapinette wink and thought the wink was for him - so he winked back. "What an adventure that was," he purred. "I'm thinking of writing an article about it myself." "Surely not for Jump Cut Review" said the Wabbit. "Oh," said Skratch, with a disappointed tone. "How did you know?" "I'm intuitive," said the Wabbit. "Also it's on your t-shirt." "In all the excitement I'd quite forgotten," sighed Skratch. Lapinette waved a paw for attention. "I thought that adventure would make a film series, with each film sharing a common diegetic world," she said. Lapinette had benefited from a classical education and had read up especially for such a conversation. "Diegetic - is that a stomach complaint?" said the Wabbit. "You know it's not!" said Skratch. "It refers to narrative devices that create a consistent emotional world for the characters in the story." "Like jump cuts?" asked the Wabbit slyly. Lapinette tapped the table once with her paw. "In that story, there was only one jump cut," she said. The Wabbit and Skratch looked horrified. "Where?" they yelled.

28. The Wabbits pose for the Press

Safely home, the Wabbit and his team assembled to accommodate a photo-journalist from La Stampa newspaper. "Are you sure I'm in this shot?" said the Wabbit, "I'm rather on the edge." "That's a wide angle lens," said Skratch, "so be assured that everyone is in the shot." "Wide angle?" said Lapinette. "I hope that's OK for my face." "Am I cut out of this photo?" growled Puma, "I can pounce lower down if you like." "What about my ears?" said the Keeper of the Keys. "They fold you know." "We're all in the shot! You can take my word for it," said Skratch. "I just want to make sure that we'll be on the front page and not the Saturday supplement." "Shall I deal with that?" said Puma and he let out of his loudest and most terrifying screams. "Looks like we get the front page then," smiled the Wabbit, "and I want the top of the page." "Top centre" added Lapinette. "I favour headlines in Times New Roman," said Puma. "In bold," said Skratch, "and the text should be aligned flush left with a ragged right hand." "But what about the story?" asked the Wabbit, "will you get the facts right?" "This is Turin, Sir," said the journalist. "When the legend becomes fact, we print the legend."

27. The Wabbit and the Last Word

Safely in the Wabbit’s hot air balloon, the gang made their getaway with the giant key at their side. The Wabbit’s walkie talkie crackled. "Red Spiders, Commander," said Duetta’s silky voice. "We have the prisoners." "Take them to the interrogation ramp," said the Wabbit, "and don’t drop them." Even through the radio, the Wabbit could hear the rustling of spidery legs as Duetta and her cohorts flew quickly across the city. "What about the saucer, Commander?" asked Duetta. "Give it another 5 kilometres," said the Wabbit, "then there might be turbulence." The Wabbit pressed a yellow switch and gave the radio to Lapinette. "Do you want to say the word?" Lapinette looked questioningly. "It’s voice activated," said the Wabbit. "What should I say?" asked Lapinette. "What would I say?" smiled the Wabbit and he winked at Skratch. Lapinette shrugged somewhat like the Wabbit and spoke softly into the radio. "Kaboom?" For a second there was nothing. Then they heard a creak, followed by a small bang. "Is that it?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit held up a paw. A deafening explosion ripped the craft apart and hurled bits of spaceship as far as the Alps. "That's it," said the Wabbit.

26. The Wabbit & A Sudden Appearance

The Wabbit steadied Lapinette as she fired a stream of bullets at the keyhole. The inside of the lock disintegrated and for a second there was the daylight that the Wabbit had requested. Then something totally unexpected happened. Puma emerged through the keyhole, raised a paw and gave a roar that startled the Ice Mice and everyone else. The Ice Mice tumbled from the key and they squealed hideously as they fell. The Wabbit nudged Lapinette. "You don't see that often," he sad quietly. Skratch was ecstatic, because he and Puma had been friends for a long time. "How did you get so big, Puma?" he shouted. Puma let forth a sound between a growl and a scream - in a way that only mountain creatures could. "This is a hologram!" he roared. "I am inside our army truck in the Corso Svizzera." The Wabbit shook his head, but he knew that Puma must have got help and he mentally gave thanks. "Let's get that key in the air," he shouted. "And where is Marshall Duetta?" "I'm here, just outside," said a silky spider voice. "Let the key though the keyhole," commanded the Wabbit. "Then stay well clear of this superannuated saucer." Duetta's silence said everything. "It's due for retirement," explained the Wabbit.

25. The Wabbit and the Right Keyhole

The Ice Mice didn't notice anyone or anything. They were much too intent on their task. And Lapinette had been right. The leader appeared to control the key through the other mice and gradually it made its way high into the roof of the Ice Mice craft. "I’ve seen something like this in Flash Gordon," said Skratch. The Wabbit kept his eye on the progress of the key. "What did he usually do?" he murmured. "On most occasions," said Skratch, "Flash Gordon’s accomplice Dr Zarkov would invent a new ray gun." The Wabbit paused to acknowledge a light flashing somewhere in the deeper recesses of his brain - and he looked across at Lapinette. "How are you for interesting ammunition?" he breathed. "I have some plastic-cased-telescoped bullets," said Lapinette, "they’re both undetectable and extremely light." The Wabbit smiled a sinister smile. "You’ve got lots then?" "Oodles," said Lapinette. She ruffled her dress and several rounds fell quietly to the floor. "OK. When I say fire," said the Wabbit, "give it everything you’ve got." "At the Ice Mice or the key?" said Lapinette. "The key hole," said the Wabbit. "I want to see daylight."