7. The Wabbit Entertains

"Wabbit’s Cola all round!" said the Wabbit who had repaired to a very favourite caffè with which he had a convenient arrangement. The day was hot and the street was noisy. But above the din the Wabbit heard a familiar voice and turned to see Skratch bearing down on his table. "No, no Wabbit! They charge €3 for a Cola here!" Skratch yelled. "That’s because we’re sitting down and they bring delicious food with our drinks," said the Wabbit with an approving nod. "I don’t like coming here, they won’t let me pay," said Wabsworth, "apparently my money’s no good here." The Wabbit grinned. "I’ll bet you bring the money later and put it under the door." "I most certainly do," said Wabsworth, "how did you know?" "Lucky guess?" shrugged the Wabbit, winking at Skratch and turning back as Lapinette signalled everyone’s attention. "While I’m ordering Wabbit’s Colas, you decide what kind of adventure that was," she said brightly. "OK," said the Wabbit, "any suggestions?" "It could have been a disaster movie, with all these cans zooming around," said Lapinette over her shoulder. “Proceeding around," said the Wabbit. "They had purpose and direction," "Just like you?" smiled Lapinette. "Just like me!" beamed the Wabbit and they all laughed and laughed and laughed.

6. The Wabbit Reminded

By the light of the moon the friends patiently watched for any signs of the Drink Thief. Skratch had rounded up Wabsworth on the way so he could keep an eye on both him and the Wabbit. Then he hid behind a fence and they all waited. They didn’t have to wait long. From the gardener’s hut behind the bushes came a tinny clanging sound, as if someone had shaken a crate of Wabbit’s Cola. Then one by one, Wabbit’s Cola cans came sailing across their astonished eyes. The cans didn’t shoot around in all directions but proceeded in an orderly way in a straight line, as if they were going somewhere. Skratch jumped and pulled down a can for examination. "Wabbit, this can has a small chip glowing in the side," he said. The Wabbit slapped a paw to his forehead. "I forgot the self distributing circuit," he exclaimed, "but it’s new and it's not activated yet." "You mean you programmed the cans to distribute themselves to the shops?" queried Wabsworth. "More or less." said the Wabbit. "More, by the look of things," said Skratch. "Then what about recycling," asked Wabsworth with an interested expression. "That was my plan too," said the Wabbit, "the cans would take themselves to the recycling bank immediately on the best before date." "You go too far Wabbit," said Skratch. "Too far too fast," added Wabsworth. " I know," said the Wabbit and he shook his head. "But Wabbit, who was the Cola drinker who looked like you?" asked Skratch. "That must have been me," said Wabsworth, "but I paid." "How much? said the Wabbit. "€1.50," said Wabsworth. "Disgraceful!" shouted the Wabbit and he thought for a moment. "Where's my money?" he sighed.

5. The Wabbit sees Something Strange

The Wabbit was deep in thought as he passed the Automatic Food Kiosk in Via Genova. But he glanced in and couldn’t believe his eyes. He found himself watching Skratch the Cat Burglar put money in a slot and lifting a can of Wabbit’s Cola from a vending machine. "Skratch, that’s Wabbit’s Cola!" he yelled. "Very nice too, I must say," said Skratch. "It’s both tangy and refreshing with a hint of something special." Skratch opened the can, took a sip and stifled a little burp. "But it’s not on sale yet!" gasped the Wabbit. "I'm trying to find the thief that's stealing my supplies." "Your Cola's a little on the pricey side," ventured Skratch. "How much?" asked the Wabbit curiously. "A euro," said Skratch with raised eyes. The Wabbit paused for a moment. There was something else. Something the Wabbit had ignored. He struggled to make the connection but something wasn't right. “I have a suspicion I might have something to do with this, Skratch," he said. "You’re stealing your own Cola!" laughed Skratch. "Maybe I have selective amnesia or been hypnotised," said the Wabbit, "but I can’t be in two places at once." Skratch hesitated because he knew the Wabbit well - and where the Wabbit was concerned, anything was possible. Skratch had a sudden thought. "What about your android double?" he asked. The Wabbit shook his head. "Wabsworth would rather switch himself off than steal Cola," he said firmly. "Well come with me and we’ll watch your supplies and see what transpires," Skratch said calmly. "But first I'll have another can of that Cola." "I'll join you," said the Wabbit, and he searched in his fur for a coin.

4. The Wabbit gets Closer

For a moment the Wabbit thought the caffè was deserted. But he wheeled around and saw three Roman soldiers drinking Roman Cola. The Wabbit was getting used to meeting his enemies and took the bull by the horns. "Good Servants of the Republic. What pray, are your names?" "I am Poobus," said one Roman, "I am Bummus," said another. "And I am Smellius," said the third soldier. The Wabbit suppressed a grin. "I am Wabbitus and I am employed by Provincial Governor Cuniculus. He implores all citizens to unmask and bring to justice, the Drink Thief." "Of what drink do you speak?" said a soldier. "Wabbit’s Cola, future drink of the people," said the Wabbit. "I prefer Roman Cola," said the soldier and the others shook their heads at the thought of a different Cola from Roman Cola. "You’ll be honourably mentioned at Senate," said the Wabbit with his paws crossed. "In that case I did see a strange one with the Cola," said a Roman soldier. "Went to the same outfitter as you by the looks of it," said another. "Made to measure," said another.  “Really," said the Wabbit. "A snappy dresser! You have been most helpful." A soldier dug another in the ribs and pointed at the Wabbit. "If you're such a Roman, Wabitus, then riddle me this," he chuckled. "OK," said the Wabbit. "When was Rome built?" asked the soldier.  "At night," replied the Wabbit. The three soldiers looked at him in puzzlement. "Well Rome wasn’t built in the day," quipped the Wabbit and he hopped very quickly out. 

3. The Wabbit gets a Lead

Undercover at the shopping centre, the Wabbit spotted more of his enemies and he wondered why. But he was intent on his task. What relevance did Ice Mice have for his quest to find the Drink Thief? Could they be stealing his new invention, Wabbit’s Cola? The Wabbit decided to attract their attention. "Ice Mice, may I interest you in a Telepass?" he chortled chirpily. "No stopping for highway tolls. You can skip the lines!" "Don’t care," said an Ice Mouse. "We usually do." "Then perhaps I can offer you a deal for your delicious drinks," simpered the Wabbit. "What kind of a deal?" snarled an Ice Mouse. He turned and the Wabbit caught sight of his Cola. He could see it wasn't his, so he changed tactics. "Deals off," said the Wabbit, "but what do you think of your Cola?" "Warm," said the the first Ice Mouse. "Insipid," said the second. "Have you heard of Wabbit’s Cola?" asked the Wabbit cautiously. "I saw a can of that in a caffè round the corner," said an Ice Mouse. The Wabbit tried not to get excited. "Some Cola connoisseur of course," he suggested." "It was just sitting on a table, but the wabbit logo put me off," scowled an Ice Mouse. The Wabbit decided he would investigate this caffè but first he had to disengage from the Ice Mice so he adopted a disinterested air. "What film did you watch?” he asked with a bored face. "Ice Station Zebra," said an Ice Mouse and he studied the Wabbit very closely ."You do look familiar, what is your name?" he asked. "I operate on a first name basis," said the Wabbit. "My first name is Commander."

2. The Wabbit and the First Clue

The Wabbit hopped through the ancient exhibits on his way to the palace exit. He was rather familiar with all the displays, so he paused immediately when he saw a discarded can of Wabbit’s Cola, his new invention. A "clue!" cried the Wabbit and he searched deep in his fur to pull out a magnifying glass worthy of Sherlock Holmes. He thought he could see a paw print on the can but he didn’t recognise it so he peered closer. With his eyes so close to his magnifying glass, the Wabbit caught sight of a familiar yellow reflection in the rim, but he pretended not to notice. "What’s a lone Skuttle doing here?" he murmured to himself. "I’m a clue," said the Skuttle. "I don’t have time for Skuttles today," said the Wabbit. "I’m on a serious detective mission." "I’m a clue." repeated the Skuttle. The Wabbit shook his head. "I am," insisted the Skuttle, "so what do I represent to you?" The Wabbit thought of various things that couldn’t be mentioned in polite company. "You’re stealing my Cola?" he ventured. "We hate Cola," said the Skuttle.  The Wabbit pondered. "You like drinkin' wine," he said. "Spo-De-O-De!" sang the Skuttle triumphantly. "The thief is drinking the Cola, so it’s not Skuttles," thought the Wabbit and immediately that thought came into his head, the Skuttle began to disappear. "When I’ve eliminated all that is impossible, then whatever remains is the truth," thought the Wabbit. "No matter how improbable," whispered the Skuttle and it vanished into thin air.

1. The Wabbit and the Drink Thief

The Wabbit had for some time been working on a new drink to rival his favourite Irn Bru. His secret project was well protected by a friendly gardener, who tended the secluded garden of an old palace in the centre of town. There, hidden in a shed for organic waste, the Wabbit kept a hoard of his mysterious new drink. The drink had been a happy accident. The Wabbit liked to sip from a straw but one day, he ran out. He could only find the aerosol extension from his can of WD40 lubricating oil, so the Wabbit used that as a straw and it imparted a strange and earthy flavour to his new drink. Gradually, the Wabbit began to like it. Then his drink just didn’t taste right without a homeopathic dose of oil. All was going well until one sunny morning the Wabbit noticed that cans were disappearing, because the Wabbit was always counting things and he knew immediately. It definitely wasn’t the gardener because he didn’t like the Wabbit's new drink and had emphatically told him so on several occasions. So someone or something unknown was helping themselves. "I’m going to find out who this purloiner is and unmask him or her or it," muttered the Wabbit. "Wabbit’s the name. Gumshoe’s the game," he murmured as he took a sip of Wabbit’s Cola. "But first I need a clue." The Wabbit looked all round but he saw nothing that looked remotely like a clue. "I’m currently clueless," sighed the Wabbit. 

The Wabbits in the Jazz Club Caffè

Back in Turin, the Wabbit propelled Lapinette into one of his favourite haunts. He had asked the staff to be on the lookout for Romans and a waiter had assured him that he always was. Reassured, the Wabbit sat down to wait for a special cocktail of his own invention. "It’s taking ages," said Lapinette. "It has to be precise," said the Wabbit. "What do you call it?" smiled Lapinette. "It’s called a Jazz Wabbit," replied the Wabbit. Lapinette waited very patiently to hear about the ingredients but the Wabbit took his time. "It’s just like a carrot aperitivo," he said finally,"but instead of soda there’s Irn Bru." "But they won’t have any Irn Bru here," scoffed Lapinette. "I used to bring my own," smiled the Wabbit, "and now I hear that lots of people have been asking for Jazz Wabbits." Lapinette shook her head. "It will sweep the land no doubt," she said and she had a sudden vision of a bottle of Irn Bru in every fridge in Italy. "What sort of adventure do you feel you had this time?" she asked suddenly. "It was a dream so it doesn’t count," sighed the Wabbit. "It was a real dream," said Lapinette, "and in it was a detailed film epic, within a fur meta-text." The Wabbit looked shrewdly at Lapinette. "Have you been raiding my cinema library?" he asked. "No, I've heard you talk and I just made that up," said Lapinette. "Then what did the film think, and who did it talk to?" asked the Wabbit. "A film can't think," said Lapinette. "You'd be surprised," said the Wabbit.

9. The Wabbit Awakened

"Wake up Wabbit wake up!" The voice was insistent and something was tugging on his ear. The Wabbit gradually forced his eyes open. "What, who, where?" gasped the Wabbit. "You were dreaming," said Lovely Lapinette, "and you wouldn’t come to." "But it was so real," spluttered the Wabbit. "The 400 Rabbits captured the Romans, and you were in a most fetching uniform." "It must have been the fur treatment," sighed Lapinette. "How much did you put on?" "I splashed it on all over," said the Wabbit ruefully. "You’re supposed to use it sparingly," said Lapinette. "We hadn’t heard from you. We were worried." "But I radioed for help," said the Wabbit, "and no-one took me seriously." "That was in your dream," sighed Lapinette.  "Oh," said the Wabbit and he thought for a moment. "But what about the Romans?" he asked finally. "Dream," said Lapinette. The Wabbit was tentative. "The 400 Rabbits?" "Dream," said Lapinette. "And your cute uniform?" ventured the Wabbit. "In your dreams," smiled Lapinette. "Well you know what Freud said," stated the Wabbit. "I expect your going to tell me," said Lapinette. "Every dream is an unfulfilled wish," said the Wabbit. "You went on holiday for a rest but unconsciously you wanted excitement," interpreted Lapinette. "OK I suppose," agreed the Wabbit, "but what did you think of the film?" "I can’t possibly know, it was your dream," replied Lapinette, and she waved the fur treatment in front of his nose. "You can be in my dreams if I can be in yours," said the Wabbit. "It’s a deal," said Lapinette. 

8. The Wabbit and the Silver Screen

In a single instant the Wabbit found himself looking down on a massive outdoor cinema screen and he didn’t pause to think why. He knew he was watching a film of his recent adventure, but he didn’t give that a second thought. This was because the Wabbit was very keen on films and where cinemas were concerned he knew exactly what he wanted. Normally he would have sat at the front in the middle, because from that position he could assess whether the projection was just right. It was his custom to look back sternly at the projectionist in his box and then frown until the picture was correctly adjusted to his satisfaction. But now, even from the very back, the Wabbit could see what was required. "Projectionist, projectionist!" he cried, in as loud a voice as he could muster. He thought he could hear a faint squeak from the projection box so he carried on. "It’s a little out of focus, just a bit soft," he yelled. The picture became crisper. "And it’s fuzzy at the edges." The picture sharpened all round. "Slight tilt down at the right," he called. The picture moved into position. "Are you certain your projector is rock steady?" he demanded. "There’s a bit of jump and weave." The picture lost its slight shake and became steady. "Perfect," said the Wabbit and leaned forward to watch - until he became aware of a familiar voice that wasn’t part of the film soundtrack. The voice was coming from beside him and it was getting louder. "Wabbit? Hello! Are you there? Wabbit!" ... 

7. The Wabbit gets an Outcome

It happened with lighting speed. The 400 Rabbits charged in a wedge that suddenly split and they quickly surrounded the Romans whose formation was clumsily conceived. The 400 Rabbits packed in until the Romans were penned like sheep while a reserve battalion of rabbits streamed over the hill and down the slope to capture escapees. In what seemed like an instant it was all over and the Wabbit's lieutenants hopped forward to take the surrender. A groaning and a moaning rose from the Romans, who were not used to losing battles against rabbits, and a cheer rose from the 4oo. "Good tactics, Commander Wabbit," said Lapinette. "Did you learn that from Sun Tzu’s book of War?" "No," said the Wabbit and he wiggled his ears. "I adapted it from an old episode of Star Trek." "What shall we do with them now," asked Lapinette. "We can’t keep dumping enemies in the Sombrero Galaxy." The Wabbit turned to the 400. "What shall we do with them?" he yelled. There was silence. Then the 400 turned their paws down as one. The Wabbit smiled. "Well, what happened in Star Trek?" enquired Lapinette. "They let them go," said the Wabbit. “And overcome with shame they melted away to trouble no-one again." Lapinette looked sceptical. "I’m joking," said the Wabbit. "Take them away!" he yelled to the 400, "and put them in the Coliseum." Lapinette’s eyes shot in the air. "The tourists will take care of them," explained the Wabbit. "That’s harsh," said Lapinette. 

6. The Wabbit Reinforced

The Wabbit tried very hard not to look surprised. Stretching into the distance were the ranks of the Wabbit’s private guard, the 400 Rabbits. At the very front stood Lovely Lapinette and she held aloft a heavy snaser gun as if it was a child’s toy. The Wabbit was about to ask her what took her so long but decided to leave that for later in favour of oratory. He always pretended to dislike public speaking, but that never seemed to stop him when the opportunity presented. And so he looked at his army. "What is your name?" he yelled. "We are 400!" came the reply. "How many enemies do you see?" asked the Wabbit. "Not that many!" The roar was deafening. "What is the first position?" cried the Wabbit suddenly. "No effort!" roared the 400 Rabbits. "And what is the second?" shouted the Wabbit. "No error!" The sound of the 400 made a wind that bent the trees. The Wabbit raised a paw and turned to Lapinette. "You certainly took your time!" he hissed. "It made for a dramatic entrance," whispered Lapinette with a glint in her eyes. "The Wabbit knew that glint. "I like your new frock," he quipped. "You noticed!" sighed Lapinette. The Wabbit winked and turned back to the 400 Rabbits. He raised a paw and made a wavy sign and the 400 Rabbits rapidly assembled into a wedge. The Wabbit turned back to Lapinette and growled loudly. "On my Command!" There was a deathly hush in the ranks and everything was still. The Wabbit shrugged. "Unleash Hell!" he grinned.

5. The Wabbit at the Circus Maximus

The Wabbit continued to glance behind him until he reached the Circus Maximus, a location he knew like the back of his paw. The Wabbit always visited the old Roman racing stadium when he was in town and he would hop round the circuit pretending to be Ben Hur. But he was suddenly aware of a curious and terrifying sight. Roman soldiers filled the stadium as far as his eyes could see. The Wabbit’s fur stood on end and a chill ran all the way down his back and straight to the end of his tail. For a moment he didn’t know what to do. And when he didn’t know what to do, he started analysing things. "It’s too few for a legion, too many for a cohort," he thought. Several maniples perhaps," surmised the Wabbit. "And all infantry, no equestrians." But the Wabbit knew that for all his analysing, there was an awful lot of them and he was only one. A cry rose from the soldiers. It was soft at first, barely a murmur. Then it grew loud and threatening, "Mortem! Mortem! Mortem ad Cuniculum!" The cry became deafening as the voice of the Romans swelled to fill the vast space. "Mortem! Mortem! Mortem!" they shouted as one. "I don’t like the way is going," thought the Wabbit," who planned to carry on living. "Stultus Lepus! Stultus, stultus, stultus!" shouted a row of soldiers. "Oh that’s it," muttered the Wabbit. "I’ve had quite enough of this." He bared all of his 28 teeth and hunched head down. "Age quod agis" yelled the Wabbit as he hopped forward to meet the enemy. But above the roar of the Romans he heard strange sounds from behind him - and so he chanced a quick glance over his shoulder ... 

4. The Wabbit and the Emergency Call

The Wabbit loped through the city keeping one eye on the Roman soldiers whose numbers appeared to be increasing. The Wabbit knew the city well, but not as well as the Romans and he couldn’t shake them no matter how many twists and turns he took. So when he got to Largo Argentina, he delved deep in his fur for something he had almost forgotten he had with him. His walkie-talkie was directly connected with Wabbit Command and he had been expressly forbidden to take it on vacation far less use it. The Wabbit deemed this an emergency so he pressed a button and hissed "Wabbit Command, Wabbit Command. SOS." The radio crackled alarmingly. "Are you enjoying your holiday, Commander?" said a voice. "I’m being tailed, send help," whispered the Wabbit. "Yes. Yes Sir. We were warned to expect a call like this and you’re on holiday Sir," said the irritatingly soothing voice. "Look, this is not a joke, send assistance," hissed the Wabbit.  "What’s that Sir?" came a calm reply. "This is not, repeat not a joke," hissed the Wabbit. "It’s the Romans. Send reinforcements." "How much Sir?" asked the voice. "Aaaagh!" shouted the Wabbit. "Send reinforcements, they’re going to advance." "Got it Sir," the voice replied. "Send four euro, you’re going to a dance." "Grrr," growled the Wabbit. "Glad to hear you’re enjoying your vacation, Sir," said the voice and the radio went dead.

3. The Wabbit & the Roman Invasion

The Wabbit hopped leisurely through the portico of St Paul Outside-the-Walls and, as was his way, felt quite at ease in the imposing structure. But as he hopped he became aware of someone or something watching him. Now the Wabbit’s predisposition for paranoia was well known, but as time passed, he had developed a working relationship and was on rather good terms with the phenomenon. So at first he just twitched his ears and glanced up at the roof and looked around and about. He knew that mosaics could play tricks with the eyes, so he clutched his fur remedy firmly and took in the scene. The Wabbit liked to count the Basilica’s 150 columns as he hopped because he found it soothing  - and he was supposed to be on a relaxing holiday so he did exactly that. But suddenly his fur started to prickle. He had miscounted and that never ever happened. The Wabbit turned his head to see a flash of red and a figure vanishing behind a pillar. "Romans!" thought the Wabbit. The Wabbit was tolerant enough of Romans but this looked like trouble. Certainly he recalled their record with Paul was mixed to say the least. He also knew that Roman soldiers had weapons, which they called "throwables", and he had no intention of getting in their way. He grasped his box closer to his chest. "They’re not getting my fur lotion," thought the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit tends to his Fur

The Wabbit was beginning to enjoy his vacation and decided he needed pampering. So he hopped out of his sanctuary and made his way across the city to a homeopathic pharmacy he knew. It was tucked away in a corner of the Basilica of St Paul Outside-the-Walls and hardly anyone knew it was there. Many visitors came and many visitors went and they all stopped to pay their respects at the tomb of St Paul. But mostly they passed by the little pharmacy without noticing its existence. If the Wabbit knew anything, he knew one thing. He knew that for rabbit fur improvement it was the only place to go in Rome and he went there directly and without deviation. He took bus number 23, got off at Via Ostiense and hopped straight in a little side entrance hidden in the massive wall of the Basilica. It was very quiet as usual and the Wabbit took his time looking all around the pleasant pharmacy. He inspected this and poked that and took things from shelves and looked inside things. Eventually he decided on a fur treatment that was right for rabbits and selected an unassuming white box. It was a little on the expensive side, but because of the special international status of the Basilica he was allowed a diplomatic discount. The Wabbit went to the counter and produced his papers but the shop assistant waved them aside. "Welcome to Rome, Commander Wabbit, are you enjoying your stay?" "I’m having a good fur day!" grinned the Wabbit.

1. The Wabbit gets holiday Instructions

It had been a long journey and the Wabbit was rather tired. He had checked in at special hotel run by members of an Order sympathetic to the aspirations of rabbits and he had even received a special rabbit discount. So leaving his small bag for the porter, he hopped through the cloisters. The Wabbit felt a sense of peace descend on his fur. The last mission had, for some reason, left him exhausted so the Wabbit looked forward to a fortnight of complete rest. Lovely Lapinette had been most specific on this matter. "Definitely no adventures!" she had instructed. "Check," the Wabbit remembered replying. "And no thinking of adventures," she had added with a raised paw. "Check!" The Wabbit had responded with vigour. "No carrying adventure paraphernalia in your fur!"  Lapinette had prodded him in the ribs and as the Wabbit said "Check," several items had fallen on the ground, including an automatic, a screwdriver kit, a roll of duct tape and a small emergency coffee pot. The Wabbit recalled Lapinette saying, "You can hang on to the coffee pot," and he felt under his fur to make sure it was still there. "A holiday is not an excuse to be stressed!" Lapinette had hopped up and down waving her paws around. "And you’re not allowed to have a watch!" The Wabbit grinned because he knew there were so many clocks in the street that he didn’t need one. "Checkedy check check check," he had cried and loped off.

8.The Wabbit speaks to the Rabbit Goddess in the Moon

The Big Red Train zoomed along and day turned into night. The Wabbit tucked his puzzle magazine in the seat in front and looked up at the moon. Sometimes he fancied he could really see the Rabbit Goddess in the moon. So he stared and stared and the more he stared, the more she took shape. The Wabbit wasn’t particularly religious, but he was spiritual and if Goddesses spoke to him he was inclined to speak back. This time he chose to speak first. "What’s it all about, Goddess?" he murmured. Although there was no reply, the Wabbit felt the Moon Goddess was waiting. So he waited too and as he waited he started thinking. Then he did something he sometimes did when the situation demanded. He thought about everyone he had ever known. With some he was still in everyday contact and a few of those he considered his friends. Some were long out of touch and he hadn’t the slightest clue what had happened to them. But an increasing number had permanently departed and could never ever return. It was the last group that puzzled the Wabbit and the more he puzzled the harder it became to find an answer. "I know there’s an answer to every puzzle," thought the Wabbit and he instinctively reached for his puzzle book to look at the back and find out. But neither the question nor the answer was in the book. "Wabbit!" The Wabbit heard a soft voice and turned to look up at the moon. "For some puzzles there is no answer," said the Rabbit Goddess.

7. The Wabbit tries Again

The Wabbit resumed his vacation but refused to take the bus. "I’ll take the Big Red Train" he said to himself and he picked out a seat, paid his fare and propelled himself along the platform. It wasn’t that the Wabbit didn’t like having vacations. He just knew that something always happened and he would have to work. He hesitated to call this a busman’s holiday for obvious reasons. The last time he went by bus it took him home and then he had lots and lots to do. "I want to relax," thought the Wabbit. "I want to read a puzzle magazine and figure things out." The Wabbit especially liked complicated puzzles, where the reader had to think through a location, making correct assumptions. It was like real life but without ramifications. The Wabbit hoped his journey would be ramification free.  So he clutched his Settimana Enigmistica to his chest like a talisman. As long as the puzzles stayed inside the magazine, he would have no trouble. "OK," mused the Wabbit. "If you drive the train from Rome to Turin, and 22 people get off at Milan and 2 get in, then the train stops at Bologna and 7 get in and 2 hop off, then another 15 join the train when it stops at Florence, and then after 5 hours the train stops in Rome, what’s the name of the driver?" The Wabbit knew the answer so he giggled and hopped on the train.

6. The Wabbit pays for Lunch

Because he had been forced to intervene in the careful plan to get information from the Hit Rabit, it was incumbent upon the Wabbit to buy lunch. So he chose a rather swishy venue that he thought might impress. And he was absolutely right. Sensing his advantage, he decided to kick off the discussion. "What was that for a sort of adventure?" he asked. "I thought it was turning into a mini-series," laughed Lapinette. "A mini series, that's just the job," said Wabsworth. "My data banks indicate that a mini-series is overdue." "Not soapy enough," smiled the Wabbit. "No melodrama!" "I thought it was a buddy movie," said Lapinette, "in which the female was relegated to the background." "What will you have to eat?" asked the Wabbit, quickly handing Lapinette the menu without prices. "Artichoke roulade," said Lapinette with a smirk. The Wabbit mentally kissed goodbye to a week's wages but felt it worthwhile. "We've been getting letters from the Sombrero Galaxy," said Lapinette. "Oh really?" said the Wabbit. "It's just a scam. Pay no attention." "I expect they're fed up with new people that don't pay their fares," said Wabsworth. "They need to be more tolerant of outsiders," smirked the Wabbit. "Perhaps we can interest them in bio-diversity."  "Bio-diversity is old hat," said Wabsworth. "The notion of the umbrella species has quite put paid to all that tosh." "An umbrella species like us rabbits!" laughed Lapinette. "I prefer flagship species," said the Wabbit.

5. The Wabbit and the Unpaid Fare

Wabsworth hit the red button and hopped back. There was a rumbling and the lift shot up and straight through the roof of the station. "Our cue to leave," said the Wabbit and together they loped up the stairs and down the Via Nizza. "Where’s it going?" shouted Wabsworth. "No need to worry," said the Wabbit. "I want to know," said Wabsworth. "The Sombrero Galaxy," said the Wabbit. "Quantum the Time Travelling Train is waiting to pick him up and deliver him to a suitably hostile planet." "How hostile?" asked Wabsworth. "You ask too many questions for an android," said the Wabbit. "Well what about the station roof?" asked Wabsworth. "The Department will send a cleanup squad. It’ll be fixed by morning." said the Wabbit. "So it’s all settled then," grinned Wabsworth and he dusted his paws. "Except for one small matter," said the Wabbit. Wabsworth looked questioningly. "The small matter of the Hit Rabit's unpaid fare," smiled the Wabbit.  Wabsworth growled a growl that came from somewhere deep inside. "Well someone has to pay it." said the Wabbit. "It was on our shift so it will have to come from your stipend." "I have a stipend?" asked Wabsworth. "We all do," said the Wabbit. "And I have to pay his fare," groaned Wabsworth. "It’s only one euro, 50 cent," said the Wabbit. "So how far is the Sombrero Galaxy?" asked Wabsworth. "It’s approximately 30 million light years away," replied the Wabbit. “I’ll get him," said Wabsworth.

4. The Wabbit & the Hit Rabit in the Lift

The Wabbit and Wabsworth raced down to the platforms and dodged inside a lift pursued by the Hit Rabit. But when he followed they pressed the up button, dodged out again and sped up the stairs to meet the Hit Rabit at the top. The Hit Rabit froze rigid at the back of the lift as the doors opened. "Where’s his weapon?" shouted Wabsworth. The Wabbit grinned a sinister grin. "Inside him," he said quietly. Wabsworth looked puzzled. "Liquid explosive. He’s a Kamikaze Rabit," said the Wabbit. "And please don’t speak too loud. It might set him off." Wabsworth realised why he didn't detect a weapon and he was most annoyed. "Why he is waiting for goodness sake?" asked Wabsworth in an upset tone. "Things haven’t gone to plan for him either," said the Wabbit. "He’s waiting for instructions from a remote source." "We can’t stand here waiting for him to receive instructions," said Wabsworth and he turned to face the frozen Rabit. “Give us information," he said in a soft but menacing voice. But there was no reply. "Be soon!" urged Wabsworth. The Hit Rabit remained silent. Wabsworth turned to the Wabbit. "What does that red button do?" he asked. "Press it and see," said the Wabbit. "It wasn’t there before," said Wabsworth. "I put it there," said the Wabbit. Wabsworth looked with horror. "Do what’s needed," said the Wabbit. "I cannot," said Wabsworth. "He was trying to damage you," said the Wabbit. "All the same ..."  said Wabsworth and his voice trailed off. "He didn’t pay his fare," shrugged the Wabbit. Wabsworth grimaced. "OK then," he said and he lifted his paw ...

3. The Wabbit and the Change of Plan

Wabsworth the Wabbit’s android double liked the Metro. He had already pressed three buttons and as he pushed his ticket through the machine it made a satisfying sound. So he hopped on the escalator and let his sensitive ears measure how far behind him his follower was. "I’ll bet the Hit Rabit doesn’t have a valid ticket," thought Wabsworth and he sneered an enormous sneer at such deceit. He so enjoyed the Metro and was just giving himself an electronic pat on the back when something stopped him in his tracks. Wabsworth was aghast. "Oh no, the plan’s gone wrong!" he thought as he saw the Wabbit coming up the stairs towards him. But the Wabbit signalled to him, put a paw to his lips, did several things with his head and winked. Wabsworth hadn’t a clue what the Wabbit meant so he processed this data again. "Wink means a trick and I’m supposed to know," he thought. The Wabbit smiled and nodded his head and flipped his ears. Wabsworth winked and continued to think. "One jerk up means he knows that Hit Rabit is there," he reasoned. "And a jerk down means carry on down the escalators." So Wabsworth started to hop faster and the Wabbit turned and began to lope down the stairs with enormous speed. Wabsworth didn’t think the Hit Rabit had seen the Wabbit, because his follower had been too busy avoiding his fare. So Wabsworth smiled to himself and thought of a private revenge on the Hit Rabit. "We’ll make him pay double for this affront," he murmured.

2. Wabsworth thinks like the Wabbit

Wabsworth the Wabbit’s android double made it to the Metro without incident and the Hit Rabit followed. "No problems so far," said Wabsworth to himself. "All is going according to plan." But Via Nizza at the railway station end was fur-raising enough on its own and as Wabsworth hopped past signs of urban change that were not in his data banks, he postponed his plan to nod amicably to passers-by. "I need to update the Wabbit on socio-economic matters," he thought. But the big Metro logo was both welcoming and reassuring and Wabsworth paused at the top of the steps to make sure the Hit Rabit knew exactly where he was going. He wondered what kind of weapon the Hit Rabit used, because he his sensors didn’t indicate anything at all and he found that slightly creepy. "Perhaps he’s going to hypnotise me with his menacing eyes," thought Wabsworth and then he giggled, because he was an android and he couldn’t possibly be hypnotised. Wabsworth found it difficult to acknowledge that he wasn’t really the Wabbit. In most respects he felt like the Wabbit and was therefore drawn to do the things the Wabbit would do. This made him want to break the rules. Left to his own devices, he would have preferred to hide behind something, then kick the Hit Rabit onto the railway track as he went past and shout something rude. But he thought better of it, rummaged in his fur for his weekly ticket and hopped on down the steps. "This would be the wrong day to meet a ticket inspector," he thought.

1. Wabsworth, the Wabbit's Double

Wabsworth, the Wabbit's double, hopped purposefully around Piazza Carlo Felice in the hope of being obtrusive - yet not obtrusive enough to arouse suspicion. He felt he was succeeding because some people smiled, some grimaced and some looked straight through him as if he didn't exist. "It must be my super glasses," he thought. Even though Wabsworth was an android, he had particular likes and he was especially fond of his pair of blue glasses. He wondered where the Wabbit had found them. "He came across them in some specialist shop in a far-off land," he murmured as he hopped forth at an ambling pace. He was just allowing himself an android smile when he suddenly felt his fur prickle as he sensed an unwelcome presence. Wabsworth wondered whether the Hit Rabit had taken the bait, so avoiding glancing back, he quickened his pace and headed towards the railway station and the Via Nizza. He had been instructed to lead the Hit Rabit a merry dance, so he zig-zagged in and out of the porticos and pretended to look in the many interesting display cabinets in the arches. "I'll have another look at a future date when things aren't so pressing," he decided and he sped onwards at a fair hop. On his way, Wabsworth wondered many things and he wondered if he wondered too much for an android. He wondered if the Hit Rabit wasn't from out of town. He wondered if maybe he'd been double booked. "I wonder if he needs glasses," wondered Wabsworth.

The Wabbit & the mid-adventure Café

"Just a quick coffee before you start work, you two," said Lapinette and she produced coffees in special cups. "I don't have to do anything except lie low," said the Wabbit. "It's Wabsworth that's doing all the work by attracting attention to himself." "I'll start by walking down Via Nizza and nodding amicably to passers by," said Wabsworth, "and then I shall go down in the metro and press all the buttons on all the machines." "I have to see that," said the Wabbit. "You're forbidden, remember?" said Lapinette. "I could hide," said the Wabbit. "Probably you'll hop straight into the hit Rabit and he'll nail you there and then," said Lapinette. "Not if I nail him first," grinned the Wabbit and he felt in his fur for his automatic." "That's not the plan, just play the part," said Lapinette. "Do you have my automatic, Wabsworth?" asked the Wabbit, who found himself empty-pawed. "I have it," said Lapinette. "Don't you think I should be armed and dangerous?" moaned the Wabbit. "No, just stay here under cover and make coffee," said Lapinette, who was now in desperate need of a coffee. "Well how exactly will you dispose of the hit Rabit?" continued the Wabbit. "Is he to be cast from a tall building or pushed in the path of an express train?" "Neither!" snapped Lapinette. "Oh, how disappointing," said Wabsworth. "Because we need information," explained Lapinette. "Well, I need to play a bigger role," said the Wabbit suddenly. "Relax Wabbit, you're supposed to be on holiday," said Lapinette. "Tell me about it," sighed the Wabbit.

8. The Wabbit and the Four Protocols

The Wabbit and his android double met briefly in a repertory cinema where the Wabbit sometimes hid out. "I can’t keep calling you Android," said the Wabbit. "Robot calls me Wabsworth," said android Wabbit. "OK. Wabsworth it is," stated the Wabbit. "Now what are our protocols?" "Well the first is that obviously we musn’t go round together," said Wabsworth. "Oh drat!" said the Wabbit who had been looking forward to a good conversation with himself. "And the second protocol is that we musn’t exchange coats," said Wabsworth. "Do you know, I never thought of that," said the Wabbit with a malicious glint in his eye. "You Commander, should conform to the third protocol which is to avoid attracting attention." The Wabbit hadn’t a clue how he would manage that one. "Noted!" he said quietly. "Conversely, I will do my best to be seen around and about," muttered Wabsworth. "Are you sure we can’t exchange coats?" asked the Wabbit. "That would defeat the object," replied Wabsworth. "Which is?" said the Wabbit. "To lure the Agent's hit Rabit into making an error and then to eliminate him." "You might get hurt," said the Wabbit. "I’m an android," said Wabsworth, "and can only be damaged." "All the same," said the Wabbit, "you’re a valuable asset." "Oh do you think so?" said Wabsworth with glee. "Yes of course," said the Wabbit. "You’re a credit to the Service and also you have my coat." "Perhaps we could have an aperitivo together after it’s all over," laughed Wabsworth. "That’s the Fourth Protocol," grinned the Wabbit.  

7. The Wabbit meets his Double

Ghost Bunny released the Wabbit and took him to an abandoned café in a little known location south of Turin. "Don’t worry Wabbit. All will be explained." she whispered. "I certainly hope so," said the Wabbit, who was secretly enjoying posing as his long lost cousin.  "Ah there you are Wabbit," said Skratch the Cat. "I expect you’re wondering what this is all about." "I’m just a cousin and don’t know much," said the Wabbit with a shrug. “We had to bring you back from Rome without alerting the wicked Agents of Rabit," said Skratch. "The Agents have placed a price upon your head and hired an out-of-town hit Rabit to despatch you without further ado." "Well," said the Wabbit. "I hope the price was right." "A King’s ransom," said Skratch, "and thats why we arranged this double to throw them off the scent." The Wabbit looked at his double. "Nice coat," said the Wabbit. "I’m afraid we had to give him your spare one,"  said Skratch. "And we programmed him to be just like you," said Robot with a smile. "Programmed?" shouted the Wabbit. "You mean this Wabbit double is an android!" "I’m the Wabbit’s double," announced the android Wabbit. "Be quiet you!" said the Wabbit. "Quiet is, as quiet does," said the android Wabbit annoyingly. "Are you sure about his circuitry?" sighed the Wabbit, hopping up and down. "He's got a state-of-the-art positronic memory." said Robot. "Oh really," said the Wabbit with exasperation and he addressed the android Wabbit sternly. "OK, Mr Bunny. Do you have a plan?" "I’m the Wabbit’s stubble," replied the android Wabbit. "He’ll do!" said the Wabbit. 

6. The Wabbit sings in his Cell

Locked in the Old Abandoned Garage, the Wabbit hopped around to see what he could see. But the Wabbit had an acute sense of paranoia which sometimes gave him an edge. And the more the Wabbit hopped, the more paranoid he became. "I'm having an Extreme Vacation," he thought, "and that’s very fishy indeed." He started to reckon the odds and the odds looked wild. This brought the Wabbit a sense of calm. "It's all a set-up," mused the Wabbit with a smile and he picked up a  guitar that had been left in a corner. "They showed me the instruments so I’d better play," he decided. The Wabbit strummed, picked out a few notes and began to sing the blues. "I took me a mystery tour, it was the road to hell. Took me a mystery tour, it was the road to hell." The Wabbit stopped, thought for a moment, then continued. "Now I’m a sad and lonely Wabbit," he sang, "stuck in an old prison cell." The Wabbit strummed and tried to figure things out. He wondered if anyone was listening, but he’d played for sympathy and nothing had happened. So he shuffled up the rhythm and ground out something heavier. "Wabbit please don’t go! Oh Wabbit please don’t go!" he yelled. "Down to Torino. Oh Wabbit please don’t go!" His voice echoed in the empty garage and melted into a silence that seemed to last forever. Then the Wabbit heard whispering. "Pssst. Pssst Wabbit!" He looked round and spotted  Ghost Bunny hiding behind a pile of old discs. “Eek, a ghost!” shouted the Wabbit. “Oh stop it Wabbit, I’ve come to get you out of here," breathed Ghost Bunny.

5. The Wabbit is Captured

The Wabbit made for the river as planned, then slipped into a place he knew at the rear of the Old Abandoned Hospital. But he wasn't quick enough or wily enough because no sooner had he arrived than he found himself surrounded by Snail, Franco and Skratch the Cat Burglar. "You thought you'd trick us?" said Skratch. "You can't outwit the Three Amigos," said Snail. "He looks just like the Wabbit. It's uncanny," said Franco. "That's because I am the Wabbit, Franco," shouted the Wabbit. "No," said Franco. "You're just a silly old pretend Wabbit." "Franco!" gasped the Wabbit. "You're on a charge!" "He's too formal for the Wabbit," said Franco. "It's definitely not him." "We'll interrogate him," said Snail. "Find out what he's up to." "I'm not up to anything!" yelled the Wabbit. "The names of all your contacts," said Snail, "and be quick about it because we haven't got all day." "Now look," said the Wabbit, "I can prove who I am." "Go ahead," said Skratch. "It was me who had you locked up several times," said the Wabbit. "Everyone knows that," said Skratch. "Snail, I took you round the city showing you my haunts," said the Wabbit. "Common knowledge," said Snail." "Franco, what about the old base of the Free Wabbits of Turin?" "It's in all the guide books," said Franco. The Wabbit looked around his three friends, sniffed and twitched his nose several times as if he was smelling a rat. Then the Wabbit had an idea. "OK, I'm not the Wabbit," he said. "Who are you?" asked Skratch. sternly. "I'm the long lost cousin of the Wabbit," grinned the Wabbit. "Take him away and show him the instruments," said Skratch.

4. The Wabbit gets Rumbled

The Wabbit didn’t know what to do about being home when he ought to be on vacation.  He supposed that he would creep around until the bus went back to Rome and no-one would be any the wiser. But his worst fears were realised when he heard a familiar voice behind him. "Hey you!" It was the voice of Skratch the Cat Burglar. "Stop! We want a word with you!" he yelled.  The Wabbit cringed mightily and paused to think about all the explaining he would have to do and how embarrassing it was going to be. And then he did the first thing that came in to his head. He gave a weak smile and a little wave and started to hop quickly away. The Wabbit also knew it wasn’t going to end there because, as he hopped faster, Skratch started to chase him. "Imposter! Stop imposter!" cried Skatch. The Wabbit thought if he could make it to the river, he could hide until the crisis was over. Then he would double back round the block, rejoin the bus and return to Rome. But Skratch was relentless and he continued to shout. "Interloper! Fiend! You can’t go around pretending to be the Wabbit!" "I am the Wabbit," shouted the Wabbit feebly, but Skratch ignored him. "We’ll make you spill the beans, you fraud. You may as well give up! Surrender now and take your just deserts."  As the Wabbit started to lope, he knew he should really stop and explain. But something inside wouldn’t let him. It was the same something inside that wondered whether he enjoyed getting into these scrapes. "I’ll never go on a Mystery Tour again," thought the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit on the Mystery Bus

The Wabbit had only just settled back and started his puzzle magazine, when the coach took off at breakneck speed. Soon it was hurtling along the motorway, past cars and lorries and other coaches. It was so quick that the coach shook from side to side and the Wabbit found it hard to grip the carrot aperitivo that had mysteriously appeared on a small table beside him. Faster and faster went the coach. Trees and bridges and pylons and telegraph poles flashed past the window as it sped through tiny hamlets, then villages, then towns and finally the outskirts of several big cities. "Phew," thought the Wabbit. "This is more than I bargained for." The Wabbit soothed his neves by insisting to himself that this was indeed a mystery tour and mystery was the whole point. But he had an uncanny feeling that he wasn’t going anywhere scenic. Then the coach zoomed through industrial areas full of factories and depots and the Wabbit looked with interest at some areas of urban dereliction. "Mmm," said the Wabbit, "perhaps we're on an archaeological excursion," and he felt in his fur for his archaeological tool kit, which contained small instruments and brushes. But the Wabbit had left it in his other coat and he had to be content with a crack hammer and chisel which somehow had fallen out the tool roll. But the coach rolled on and on and it didn’t stop until it reached the centre of the city. The Wabbit looked out with horror. "Oh no, I’m home in Turin!”  he groaned.

2. The Wabbit boards the Mystery Tour

The Wabbit dragged his case across the coach park, muttering as he went. He had gone to Rome for his vacation but he thought it would be nice to see somewhere else. So he was duly cheered when he noticed a large touring bus looking for business. "Mystery Tour!" he said with delight. "and no chance of mishaps on anything so old-fashioned." The Wabbit looked all around and there didn't seem to be anyone else about. The coach park was deserted and devoid of any passengers whatsoever. "Tuesday is a quiet day," he thought. "The bus won’t be overbooked. Perhaps it will take me to the seaside or to a nice wood with a babbling brook." The Wabbit was calm for a moment as he thought a little longer and his head whirled with ideas about where the mystery bus would take him. "Maybe it will head for a fairy-tale castle or a grotto or caves in the mountains or a spa with bubbling healthy waters," he mused. The Wabbit was running out of ideas for his destination but he thought it would spoil the fun if he asked. So he scanned the bus again. It really was so very quiet that he found it puzzling, but the Wabbit decided to be positive. "I’ll have plenty of room to stretch my paws," he said to himself. “I’ll do some puzzles in La Settimana Enigmistica magazine and relax completely." The Wabbit hopped over to the newsagent and hopped back quickly but there was no need to rush because the bus was still quiet. So he hopped on board, paid for his ticket and settled back to enjoy his trip ...

1. The Wabbit thinks about a Vacation

"What shall we do now?" asked the Wabbit. "Whatever you want, it’s your vacation," said Lapinette. "I don’t like vacations," grumbled the Wabbit. "It’s not true, you love vacations," replied Lapinette. The Wabbit stamped his rear leg for a while and ground his teeth. "Well, every time I go on a vacation, something happens and it turns into an adventure," he said. "That doesn’t sound too awful," said Lapinette smiling. "Then there's the packing," said the Wabbit, "and I always forget something really important." "Like what?" asked Lapinette. "Like my miniature set of hex socket keys," said the Wabbit. "Why would you need them on vacation?" asked Lapinette. "On a previous holiday," murmured the Wabbit, "I was locked in a filing cabinet. If I hadn’t forgotten my keys I would have got out more quickly." Lapinette knew better than to ask how the Wabbit had become locked in a filing cabinet. "I suppose that was an adventure!" she said. "It was rather a good one in the end," said the Wabbit feeling quite cheered. "There was lots to read and I found out some interesting stuff." Lapinette inclined her head enquiringly. "Like an old manual about things you can build in a shed," said the Wabbit. Lapinette sighed with relief. "So can we go to the gallery now?" she asked.  "I’ve quite forgotten what’s on," smiled the Wabbit. "but the building is much more interesting than anything in it." "Do you remember you hopped into an exhibit in the Modern Art Museum and smashed it," said Lapinette. The Wabbit grinned. "No-one knew the difference anyway," he chortled.

The Wabbit and the Quiet Birthday

It was the Wabbit’s birthday and he crept out early for some peace and quiet. To fool everyone, he took Franco’s jeep instead of his own and he was merrily bowling along singing a favourite song, when his radio crackled. "Sweet Wabbit, Happy Birthday! Where are you?" said Lapinette. "Bowling merrily along," said the Wabbit. "Lovely," said Lapinette, "do have fun. Don’t forget your official function and to pick up your cloak from the laundry." The Wabbit’s ears stood on end and he felt in his fur for the ticket. For a moment all was quiet and the Wabbit sniffed the sea breeze. Suddenly another voice broke in. "Commander, someone’s stolen my jeep," said Franco. "I have it Franco," said the Wabbit. "That’s a relief on your birthday Sir," said Franco and he signed off. The Wabbit was just about to turn on his FM radio when the handset crackled again. "Wabbit, happy birthday," said Puma. "It’s about my adventures, I need to play a bigger role," "Later Puma," said the Wabbit and turned up the dial to hear Fabio Treves on Wablantis Radio. But the music stopped and another voice cut in. "Happy birthday," said Snail. “I was wondering whether you have my screwdriver kit." "In the shed," said the Wabbit and he turned Wablantis up higher. But his handset crackled yet again. "Woooooh!" said a ghostly voice. "Oh hello Ghost Bunny. What can I do for you?" "Enjoying your birthday?" asked Ghost Bunny. "Yes, I’m out for a quiet drive," said the Wabbit. "I made a radio request for you," said Ghost Bunny, "and they’re playing it now." The Wabbit turned the radio up full blast. It was BB King singing Happy Birthday Blues and the Wabbit grinned with all of his 28 teeth and sang along.

The Wabbit's after-adventure Discussion

The gang gathered at the Railway Arch Café and Snail was, as usual, the last to arrive. The Wabbit knew this had nothing to do with being slow. It was all about making an entrance. "How’s your belly off for slime?" he said to Snail, just to bring him down to earth. "Excellent," said Snail. "I see you’re whatever size is normal for you today." So the Wabbit gave up trying to get the better of Snail and asked everyone what sort of adventure they thought they'd had. "It was rather Low Budget," said Lapinette with a smile, because she thought that might annoy the Wabbit - and then she dug him in the ribs so that he knew to be annoyed. "That’s not of itself a genre," said the Wabbit. "It's more of an approach." Robot chimed in with an electronic yet resonant voice. "It was a low budget, science fiction remake with contemporary references," he said.  "Oh all that football stuff," said Snail.  "That football stuff as you call it, was perfect," said Robot. "And it was a reminder of the days when football was more than over-strategised set pieces executed by automatons." There was a long silence because everyone knew Robot was right. Lapinette changed the subject. "Wabbit you didn’t fulfil your part of the deal with the Swarm," she said. "Oh but I did," said the Wabbit. "The Swarm now has all the football data from 1871." "Just statistics?" asked Lapinette. "And damned lies," quoted the Wabbit gleefully.

6. The Wabbit and the Holodeck Suite

The Wabbit's hour of shrunkennness was up. Suddenly he found himself normalised but in a most unfamiliar location and looking directly at Robot. The Wabbit could say just one word. "Where?" he uttered in a voice that began as a squeak and ended as a roar. "Don't worry Wabbit. Have you got the data?" said Robot. "I certainly have and you've no idea what a pesky task it was," grumbled the Wabbit. Robot took the ceramic memory stack and inserted it into a port in his front. "So where is this?" said the Wabbit again in a more affable tone. "This is the Holodeck suite," replied Robot as if there had always been one. "How did it get here," asked the Wabbit. "I requisitioned it," said Robot. The Wabbit slapped a paw to his forehead. "Who signed?" he said simply. "Lapinette, Commander," "Oh good," said the Wabbit and he smiled and clapped his paws. "At least it wasn't me." Robot remained silent as he wrote data to his memory and then he nodded sagely. "Excellent data. Now I can begin work on the problem in hand." The Wabbit did not care to admit that he neither knew what the data was nor was he sure of the exact nature of the problem in hand. "Yes," he said, "that will sort the matter out entirely." "The Agents of Rabit will rue the day that I asked for this data," said Robot. "Of course," said the Wabbit and he looked all around. "Who's that woman?" he asked finally. "I really don't know," said Robot, "she came with the Holodeck." "Well, where did you get the Holodeck?" murmured the Wabbit." "e-Bay," said Robot.

5. The Wabbit and the Soccer Ball Virus

The Wabbit’s paw touched the Wabitron drive and made up a circuit with his ceramic stack memory card. He suddenly glowed bright green and electronic spheres flew hither and thither. The Wabbit called these spheres Score Kalm and they were a computer virus he had developed in his shed especially to fight the Agents of Rabit. But the spheres captivated the Swarm and it became quiet. So the Wabbit began a rhythmic chant, consisting entirely of football scores that the Swarm found soothing. "Accrington Stanley, one,"  he crooned and stopped for a while. The Swarm waited expectantly. "Hamilton Academicals, one," said the Wabbit calmly. The Swarm started to settle and as they did, the Wabbit's lost data began to write to his ceramic disk and he grinned. "Hertha Berlin, three," said the Wabbit in an ascending voice, then paused for a lengthy period. A small sigh rose from the Swarm. "Moscow Dynamo, two," he said gravely. More of the Swarm settled and their chips yielded an increasing amount of data to the Wabbit's memory card. "Red Star Belgrade, nil" announced the Wabbit and waited. The Swarm sank lower and all the creatures looked up. As the Swarm fluttered to the bottom of the computer, the Wabbit could see that he had nearly all the data he needed. "San Jose Earthquakes, nil," said the Wabbit sternly. The Swarm was completely inert. "And that was the end of World Football," announced the Wabbit. Tucking his ceramic memory card in his fur, he made for a nearby ventilation grille in the back of the computer and hopped quickly away. 

4. The Wabbit and the Wabitron Drive

The Wabbit backed away as the Swarm advanced. But from the corner of his eye he saw something appear at the back of the old computer. He knew the Swarm of chip creatures hadn’t noticed, because it was much to intent on menacing the Wabbit. So he waved a paw and spoke loudly. “Perhaps we can do a deal for the data?" he said. "The Swarm does no deals," said the largest of the Chip Creatures. “Everyone does deals," said the Wabbit. "It's really quite the thing."  “State your case then," said the creature. "Behind me," said the Wabbit waving his paw, "is the Wabitron 3000 vortex hyper drive, which you may access in exchange for giving me our lost data." "What’s in it for us?" asked several members of the Swarm. "All soccer data from 1871," lied the Wabbit, because he was making it up as he went along. "And there's all you could possibly require," he added. "Goals for and against, corners, direct and indirect free kicks, fouls and penalties." There was a murmuring of interest from the Swarm. "Why don’t we just take it and assimilate you anyway?" said the leader of the Swarm. "Because the Wabitron Drive isn’t backwards compatible," said the Wabbit thinking quickly. "So?" said the leader. "You chips will fry," said the Wabbit flippantly. “Exactly what data is it you want from us?" asked the leader. "That," said the Wabbit," is for you to know and me to find out." The Swarm gathered for a confused discussion and the Wabbit knew he had bought some time. So he fished inside his fur for a ceramic chip stack SD card from one of his experiments ...

3. The Wabbit and the Data Swarm

The Wabbit hopped inside the old computer and hadn't been there for more than a minute when he heard a sound that was midway between a droning and a humming. Without warning, yellow winged creatures poured like bats from a hidden corner and then flapped around. The Wabbit's well-known antipathy for winged things surfaced immediately and he hopped from one foot to another. "Oh why did it have to be winged things? Why not snakes for instance?" he appealed to no-one in particular. But the swarm was heading directly for the Wabbit with little respect for his sensibilities. "Produce your data now!" cried the lead creature. "I come in peace," said the Wabbit, quietly feeling under his fur for his automatic. "We are the Data Swarm, we need data," said the lead creature. "I seem to have left all my data in my other coat," said the Wabbit, patting his fur. "Give us data!" they cried and they hummed and droned loudly. The Wabbit spoke the first thing that came into his head. "Torino Football Club was promoted to Serie A after a 3 year absence," he said with a smile. "That's good data," said a creature at the rear and the winged ones droned for a while as they assimilated the new information. "I'm looking for lost data," ventured the Wabbit. "We take data, we don't give it away," snarled the chief creature. "Give me back my data!" yelled the Wabbit suddenly. "You will be assimilated along with all your soccer knowledge," threatened the creature. "You'll be rather disappointed" said the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit's quest for the Lost Data

The Wabbit got smaller and smaller and found himself in a strange place which appeared to be under the floor. "It's grubby down here," grumbled the Wabbit. The Wabbit grumbled if he didn’t understand things and he was apt to complain bitterly and at length to himself – because usually there was no one else nearby to listen to his complaints. He looked all around anyway and he couldn't help but notice a large box which, on inspection, was fairly recognisable. "It’s an old computer," said the Wabbit with distaste. He looked at it disparagingly because he knew that it was incapable of supporting one of his lists far less a sophisticated program like ListWrite Lite. "The lost data must be in there," he thought, "otherwise I wouldn’t be here." The Wabbit paused to agree with himself, which he very often did. But when he agreed with himself, his ears would tilt back and then suddenly forward in a manner that some found disturbing. So the Wabbit tried not to agree with himself too much in public. "I suppose I’ll have to examine the interior," thought the Wabbit, "and see if there’s any lost data lying around." The Wabbit fished around in his fur for a crosshead screwdriver that he had bought cheaply in a market near the Big White Hospital and poked the side of the computer. In the Wabbit's head there lurked an entertaining idea that he would find a compartment clearly marked Lost Data, just inside the casing. He would then quickly unbolt it and make off. "If only life could be like that," thought the Wabbit and he patiently set to work.

1. The Wabbit and the Fantastic Mission

The Wabbit was at his laptop attending to his lists - a task for which he had tried several systems. Usually he tried to have umpteen windows open and exchange items at will. But on this occasion he had decided to download a program called ListWrite Light. This had proved colourful yet less than helpful. He now had the exactly the same lists but they were prettier. "Grrr," thought the Wabbit and he jabbed furiously at the laptop keys and tried to uninstall the program. But just at that very moment the Snail Phone rang and the Wabbit grabbed it with a paw. "Oh, hello Snail," said the Wabbit brightly, muttering, "make it quick!" under his breath. "I heard you," said Snail. The Wabbit had forgotten that the Snail Phone was a sensitive device that could hear his thoughts and he silently cursed the new technology that he and Big Blue Snail had developed in a shed. "We cannot fly in the face of change," said Snail. "I suppose not," said the Wabbit, “so what’s new, what’s true?" "I'm relaying a secret message from the Department. Your mission is to retrieve some lost data and for that you must be miniaturised." "I’m a wabbit not a scale model," said the Wabbit. "Prepare to download the program," sighed Snail, "and I’ll be seeing you." The Wabbit's paws started to vibrate and he watched as his laptop got bigger and bigger. "It's not the laptop, it’s you," said Snail's voice from the phone. "I don’t want to be miniaturised," said the Wabbit. "It’s just for an hour," said Snail. "Not even for a second," yelled the Wabbit. "Honey I shrunk the Wabbit," smiled Snail and the line went dead.

The Wabbits make an Emergency Earthquake Appeal

"Many animals are suffering because of the earthquake in Emilia Romagna," said the Wabbit. "Please help by making a donation to ENPA, National Animal Protection," said Lovely Lapinette. "Here's the ENPA statement," said the Wabbit.

• L’Enpa (Ente nazionale protezione animali) e’ pronto a inviare verso l’Emilia-Romagna ‘Isotta’, il mezzo di soccorso per le gravi emergenze veterinarie. “Una missione a 360° per supportare con cibo, medicinali e sostegno psicologico gli animali coinvolti nel sisma, vedendo a fianco dei veterinari la presenza anche di comportamentisti, fondamentali per aiutare gli animali a superare il trauma causato da questo terribile terremoto.
• ENPA (National animal protection) is ready to send relief to the Emilia-Romagna Isolde for several veterinary agencies. It's a 360 ° mission to give food, medical and emotional support for animals involved in the earthquake. Being at the side of veterinary activists is essential in helping our animals to overcome the trauma caused by this terrible earthquake. 

If you need any help with Italian in the donation form, just talk to the Wabbit who is @followthewabbit on Twitter or at Facebook - click on the Facebook link at the top right of the page. Or you can speak with @LovelyLapinette on Twitter!

The Wabbit & the After Adventure Cafe

It was an exhilarating adventure and even though they had enjoyed it, they were glad to be back. Skratch the Cat Burglar crossed his legs and settled in his chair. "I'm almost afraid to ask what kind of adventure you had." "Surely not, Skratch!"said the Wabbit smiling. "You had us all a little worried," said Skratch, "especially when you didn't show up for the Carrot Club meeting." "Oh yes," said the Wabbit, "that'll take some explaining." They all chuckled because they knew the Wabbit seldom missed a meeting of the Carrot Club and when he did there was a lengthy inquest. "Well I think the adventure was mostly scientific," said Ghost Bunny, "with more than a touch of mysticism." "Science and magic don't mix," said Lapinette with a frown. "Quite right," said Skratch. "Genre is not to be treated in a flippant way for the purpose of idle entertainment." "Not so," said Ghost Bunny. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Skratch, than are dreamed of in your literary criticism classes." "Like ghosts," said the Wabbit. "Like ghosts," said Ghost Bunny and she paused for a minute. "In terms of quantum mechanics, the past isn't dead, it's not even past." she breathed. "That's William Faulkner," said Lapinette, "Pretty rich for a modernist," said Skratch. Lapinette looked at the Wabbit. "Wabbit you should never have sent Skratch to that night class." "I didn't," said the Wabbit. "I took him," said Ghost Bunny.