7. The Wabbit and the Quantum Airlift

Ghost Bunny was already aboard Quantum the Time Travelling Train and the rest of the gang could feel the effect of Quantum's powerful engines. But the Ice Mice had no choice. They were drawn aboard as if compelled to travel. Quantum started to shudder and shake. "All aboard, all aboard!" shouted the Wabbit. "Please have your travel documents ready," shouted Skratch. "No liquids, no lighters, no plastic forks," shouted Lapinette. Quantum's shaking stopped and the train began to hum in an increasingly strange tone. "This is your Captain speaking," intoned Ghost Bunny over the loudspeakers. "In the unlikely event of being frozen in a different dimension, please use the oxygen masks and sick bags provided." The gang could hear a muted chattering. "I guess the Ice Mice just picked the wrong train," said Skratch. "What time is it?" asked Lapinette of the Wabbit. "Six five," he said, "and the station is a shakin'." "Shall we then board?" said Lapinette. "Wouldn't miss it for the world," said Skratch. Ghost Bunny slid back the cabin door and they all lurched on. The Wabbit looked around. "Quantum, we meet again," he said. "Commander," said Quantum. "Welcome aboard. Our destination is Galaxy T104. Ghost Bunny has already walked around." "I haunted round and all is well," said Ghost Bunny, handing the Wabbit a sheaf of paperwork. "OK," said the Wabbit and he hopped on the footplate. "Out and up, Quantum. Nice and easy." There was a sudden shudder, then a flash and all that remained was a faint smell of engine shavings.

6. The Wabbit and the Emergency Plan

The Wabbit watched as Ghost Bunny's Processor crushed the Ice Mice, but he was not expecting a vast number of small Ice Mice to swarm towards them. "Plan?" shouted Lapinette. "Run!" shouted the Wabbit. In a flurry of paws and fur, they shot along the Walkway with speed. But the Ice Mice were everywhere - as far back as their eyes could see. "Ghost Bunny!" panted the Wabbit. "Yes Commander," breathed Ghost Bunny. "Can you haunt ahead and prepare Quantum the Time Travelling Train?" yelled the Wabbit, shaking off a voracious Ice Mouse from his rear leg. "On my way," shouted Ghost Bunny and she shimmered and vanished. Keeping just ahead, the three puffed and huffed and hopped along the ramp, except for Skratch who was a cat. "It's like the Pied Piper of Hamleys!" yelled the Wabbit. "Hornby!" corrected Skratch. "Hamelin!" shouted Lapinette. "I never got the point of that story," huffed the Wabbit. "Did the rats vanish?" "Oh yes," panted Lapinette. "and everyone else too. No-one was ever seen again." "I want to be seen again," gasped the Wabbit. "Then where are you sending them?" asked Lapinette. "Far, far away," said the Wabbit. "Far is good," said Lapinette, glancing behind her. "They're going to Galaxy M104, 28 million light years as the crow warps," shouted the Wabbit. "Not the Sombrero Galaxy?" gasped Skratch. "Yes," yelled the Wabbit, "but keep it under your hat."

5, The Wabbit and the Big Crossbow

"Where did you get a giant crossbow?" asked the Wabbit. "Requisition!" said both Lapinette and Ghost Bunny at once. The Wabbit was none the wiser but ploughed on. "Won't the Ice Mice notice the Crossbow?" he asked. "Oh yes, that's half the fun," said Ghost Bunny. "They'll see it but they won't believe it." Everyone nodded and looked the Crossbow up and down. "All right, let's see if we have this corrrect," interrupted the Wabbit. "Ghost Bunny, the Cooling Tower has been modified into a Quantum Compressor?" "Crushedy, crushedy," said Ghost Bunny. Lapinette thought that Ghost Bunny was definitely spending too much time with the Wabbit. "The craft are dawn inexorably into the Cooling Tower and we lob these disks in after them," she said. "What's in the disks now?" asked the Wabbit. "Soot," said Ghost Bunny. "We're very low-tech today," observed the Wabbit. "Retro, Commander," replied Ghost Bunny. "but their weapons will become ineffective." "And the mice?" asked the Wabbit. "Small," said Ghost Bunny. "Tiny," said Lapinette. "Miniscule?" suggested the Wabbit. "No, not that small," said Lapinette. "And then what do we do?" said the Wabbit. "I don't know, that's your department," said Lapinette. "Recycle?" said Ghost Bunny. "Excellent," said the Wabbit, "we'll let the fellows at the recycling plant sort it out." "No Wabbit!" shouted Lapinette. "We'll send them back from whence they came!" "What's their address?" asked the Wabbit.

4. The Wabbit and the Secret Meeting

The Wabbit gathered with his close associates in a secret location to discuss the peril of the Ice Mice. "OK everyone," said the Wabbit. For a while he poked the stolen disk with a collapsible mono pod that he kept in his fur. "Ghost Bunny! What do you hear? What do you say?" rapped the Wabbit suddenly. "Don't poke the disk, Wabbit. It's a weather weapon," murmured Ghost Bunny in the Wabbit's ear. "You don't say?" said the Wabbit, rolling the disk back and forward. "Wabbit, that is an Active Ice Underground Tool - or AIUTO if you will," explained Ghost Bunny. "Help!" smiled Lapinette. "Got it!" said the Wabbit. "Look Skratch, these flying saucers. What's the word in the Turin porticos and pasticceri?" "They think a film crew is making a movie," said Skratch quickly. "There's a rumour that it's called the Italian Job in Space." "I hate remakes," said the Wabbit. Everyone shook their heads sadly. "Now Lapinette," said the Wabbit. "I need good ideas quickly." "Give them a taste of their own weather," said Lapinette. "and turn their weapons against them." "The disks are rather unstable. It's a bad idea," said Ghost Bunny solemnly. "Has anyone got a worse one?" asked the Wabbit. Everyone looked puzzled and in the confusion the Wabbit took the opportunity to enforce his choice. "We'll run with Lapinette's idea," he said. "Ghost Bunny, I need reverse disks and plenty of them." "Right away, Commander," sighed Ghost Bunny.  "When do we start?" said Lapinette. "Immediately," said the Wabbit, "weather permitting."

3. The Wabbit gets some Help

The Wabbit avoided the fire from the air and made it to the heart of the city, but still the strange craft of the Ice Mice hovered high above and the Wabbit could plainly be seen through the gaps made by public works. "Accursed developers!" muttered the Wabbit and he made for the back of the Big New Station. But he could hear a familiar voice above the sounds of the city. "Wabbit! Over here, Wabbit!" The Wabbit glanced round and caught whatever was spiraling towards him. He didn't quite remember taking aim and he certainly doesn't recall squeezing the trigger. But there was a blast of such magnitude that windows in nearby buildings shook themselves from their frames and crashed to the ground. When the explosion died away, there was a dead silence and then with an awful creaking, the craft slowly tilted and sank from the sky. The Wabbit looked at Skratch. "I'm glad to see you my friend. New coat?" he smiled. "Your requisition," said Skratch. "Really? said the Wabbit, who had indeed signed the paperwork without optimism. "And the Snaser?" he asked, stroking it. "Improved," said Skratch. "Excellent," said the Wabbit. Skratch grinned a big grin but then frowned. "What about these interlopers?" he asked, pointing a wary paw to the sky. The Wabbit saw five more vessels headed their way. "Do you know something Skratch?" he said. Skratch tilted his head enquiringly. "Just for a moment there I thought we were in trouble." said the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit stays on the Road

With the strange craft behind him, the Wabbit took off at speed. He knew the terrain but the craft had the advantage of height and could see everywhere the Wabbit went. So the Wabbit thought he may as well keep to the road and he dodged right and left to avoid the crackling beams that threatened to slice through his fur. "Keep right on to the end of the road," hummed the Wabbit to give himself company. It seemed to work, and he was able to quicken his pace and hum some more. "Though your heart be strong and the road be long, keep right on round the bend!" he hummed. The beams looked hot from a distance but when they came close the Wabbit felt an icy chill and he shivered. "I need to find cover and lose this annoying fellow," thought the Wabbit. "Cover, cover, cover. Where, where, where?" he asked himself. At the same time, the Wabbit was wondering why the Ice Mice had returned so close to his location. On their last encounter he and Ghost Bunny had given them a trouncing that they no doubt remembered. But there was something else. It was such an obvious something else that it completely eluded him. The Wabbit shoved this thought to the back of his mind, which was fairly capacious. "This is too countrified," thought the Wabbit. "I need the nooks and crannies of the city." "And controlled air space," said a voice from the back of his mind. The Wabbit made a left turn and headed for the depths of the city where he knew he belonged.

1. The Wabbit & the Return of the Ice Mice

It was only by chance that the Wabbit was passing the Old Abandoned Laundry. He had just popped through the derelict gates to see if there was anything to see, when a shadow passed over him and he looked up to see a familiar craft. "Ice Mice!" he hissed and he crouched behind an old rusty tank. "I thought they had departed for a distant galaxy," mused the Wabbit. The Ice Mice either didn't see the Wabbit or ignored him, because they were intent on their task. They worked industriously to harvest the disks that fell from their craft and then bore them around with feverish haste. The Wabbit tried to work out what the disks were. They glowed, but not always. Some were bigger, some smaller. Some seemed heavier than others and they all made a sonorous ringing if dropped. The Wabbit could do little on his own, but he saw that one disk had rolled close and he wondered if he could reach it. He stretched and stretched - but it was just out of his grasp and when he nearly had it in his paw, it rolled slightly further way. "Accursed thing!" muttered the Wabbit under his breath. But under his breath was not low enough for the sharp ears of one Ice Mouse and it looked over at the Wabbit and squealed. All the Ice Mice turned to look. "Time to go!" thought the Wabbit and he grabbed the disk, tucked it into his fur and loped for the gate. The Wabbit outpaced the Ice Mice easily, but from the corner of his eye he could see the strange craft close its bay doors and move in his direction.

The Wabbit and the Shopping Joke

"Why are we here?" asked Lapinette." "We're shopping," said the Wabbit. "What on earth for?" asked Lapinette. "I'm not exactly sure. I'll know it when I see it," replied the Wabbit. "This shop is full of not very useful things," said Lapinette. "Ah," said the Wabbit with a look that he adopted when he thought he knew better than everyone else. "They don't look useful now but later we might need something that we didn't buy when we had the opportunity." "Like what?" scoffed Lapinette. "Small bags of unusual dimensions," said the Wabbit. "And things for removing things from other things." "Which would then fit into an unusually shaped bag?" suggested Lapinette. "Exactly," said the Wabbit. Silence fell, but not for long. "I haven't forgotten that shopping remark," said Lapinette. "Oh, which one? I've quite lost track," said the Wabbit, knowing what was coming next. "When we were in the supermarket about to fight those dangerous GM Skarrots," said Lapinette, "you went off and said that I should shop while I waited for you to come back." "That was a complimentary reference to your marvellous ability to multi-task," said the Wabbit, hoping for the best. "Well, I'd like to see you shop and fight off the wicked Agents of Rabit at the same time," said Lapinette. "No problem," said the Wabbit. "Well what would you shop for?" said Lapinette. "Bullets!" said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and his Thoughts

The three were in contemplative mood as they stopped on the stairs on the way home from a restaurant. Lapinette was thinking. She knew that the Wabbit adored Ghost Bunny and that his adoration was reciprocated. But she had no particular worries on that score because she knew the Wabbit and all his ways rather well. She knew that she tolerated many of the Wabbit's wilder idiosyncrasies, because she loved him and that was that. No-one else could know the Wabbit like Lapinette and so Lapinette smiled a satisfied smile. At the same time Ghost Bunny was also thinking. She knew that Lapinette knew she adored the Wabbit. But at the same time, Ghost Bunny was completely in awe of Lapinette. Ghost Bunny knew her own education and experience was at least the equal of Lapinette's. But even with Ghost Bunny's specialisation in Lacanian psychoanalysis, Lapinette represented something lovely to her that she couldn't quite fathom. Both quietly smiled to themselves. The Wabbit was also gently musing to himself but of all these thoughts he was blissfully unaware. In the depths of the Wabbit's imagination, Ghost Bunny and Lapinette had been locked in a staring competition for 48 hours. Neither would give up and their eyes were unflinching. The Wabbit let his mind drift and as it wandered, he saw himself creeping up quietly and unseen behind both of them. But just as he was about to burst a large paper bag, a voice shattered his reverie. "What are you thinking?" said Lapinette. "Nothing!" uttered the Wabbit. 

The Wabbits and the Mayday Fur

The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette had been sent on a special mission far away. Their role was to offer help and support to everyone involved in the fight against cruel fur farming. The day was wet and cold when they arrived outside the Ministry of Agriculture. But even though they shivered in the wind, their hearts were warm so they didn't care. "Shouldn't we shout slogans?" asked Lapinette. But the Wabbit could only think of old ones from the old days. "¡No Pasarán!" he shouted. "That's over and done with," said Lapinette. "I rather doubt that," said the Wabbit. "What about ... fur belongs to the animal who wore it first?" said Lapinette. "That's very nice but hardly snappy," said the Wabbit and he had a good think. "I've got one," he said suddenly. "The stage is yours," said Lapinette. "There's no excuse!" shouted the Wabbit. "For animal abuse!" yelled Lapinette. They shouted the slogan back and forward, but after a while they needed a change. "Farmed fur doesn't keep you warm," shouted the Wabbit. "Give a hoot, give fur the boot," yelled Lapinette. "Oh, I do like that one," said the Wabbit and he stamped on the ground. "No-one really needs a fur coat," said Lapinette, "except wabbits and other animals." "Leonardo da Vinci would have agreed," said the Wabbit who had been reading up. "He may have been the first animal rights activist." What about St Francis of Assisi?" said Lapinette. "Leonardo has the edge," grinned the Wabbit. "Hoppy Mayday everyone!" smiled Lapinette.
[The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette ask Simon Coveney TD, Ireland Minister for Agriculture, to follow the lead of Scotland, Wales, England, Austria and Croatia in banning fur farming.]

The Wabbit and the Wyatt Earp Snail

Lovely Lapinette and the Wabbit had ordered three carrot aperitivi because Big Blue Snail was going to drop by for the customary after-adventure meeting. "Howdy folks!" said Snail. "You're new in town ain't ya?" "No we're not," said the Wabbit, "we're very old in town." Lapinette knew Snail wanted to play, so she frowned at the Wabbit and played along. "You've got big broad shoulders Marshall Snail, but it'll take more than shoulders to clean up the town," she said. Suddenly the Wabbit got it and started to drawl. "This is just a dirty little village in the middle of nowhere, Marshall, it don't matter none whether it's clean." Snail snorted and his hat balanced precariously on his antennae. "How does a Snail get to be a Marshall anyhows?" said Lapinette. "A Snail's gotta stop sliding around," said Snail. "A Snail's gotta stay in one place and protect his roots." The Wabbit smiled at Snail and turned to Lapinette. "What time is it lady?" he asked. "About ten past three," she replied. "Then where's the three ten to Youghal?" said the Wabbit. "Runnin' late I suppose," said Lapinette. "Silly trains," said the Wabbit, "you can't rely on 'em." By this time Lapinette felt she had more than enough. "I'm not going to ask what kind of adventure it was," she said suddenly. "No," said the Wabbit. "Every time Snail joins an adventure, it's a Western." "Nothing's too good for the Snail that nailed the Skarrots," smiled Lapinette. "You can say that again," said the Wabbit.

7. The Wabbits round 'em Up

The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette herded the greened Skarrots safely into an enclosure and breathed a sigh of relief. "No more GM monster Skarrots," said the Wabbit. "Carrots are now safely nutritious for all," said Snail, who liked a well-cultivated carrot or two. "How shall we proceed?" asked Lapinette. "No recent orders," said the Wabbit, "so there’s only one thing to do." "What’s that?" asked Snail. The Wabbit swung his whip twice. It snapped and cracked in the air and the Skarrots cringed back. "Move them, move them, move them," he sang. "Though we disapprove them," trilled Lapinette in reply. "Keep them Skarrots movin', Rawhide!" bellowed the Wabbit. "Don’t try to comprehend them, just dice and chop and bend 'em," sang Snail, "soon we will herd them out of sight,"  "Move 'em out, head 'em up, head 'em up, move 'em on. Move 'em out, head 'em up: Rawhide!" sang the Wabbit. "Cut 'em up, ride 'em in. Ride 'em in, cut 'em up. Cut 'em down, ride 'em in: Rawhide!" sang Lapinette. "Rollin’ rollin’ rollin', strollin' strollin' strollin', " hummed Snail. Lapinette cracked her whip several times then dropped her voice to become more melodic. "All the things we’re missin'," she sang. "Aperitivi, love, and kissin'," sang the Wabbit. "Are waiting at the end of our ride," sang Snail. "Hah!" shouted Lapinette and she cracked her whip again. "Hah!" shouted the Wabbit and he cracked his whip too. "Hah!" shouted Snail, who having no whip to crack, flailed his antennae instead - and they laughed and laughed and laughed.

6. The Wabbit sees 'em Coming

The gang fell back and while Snail recharged, the Wabbit and Lapinette lay in wait for the Skarrots at the top of the shopping centre escalator. "Maybe they'll be dragged into the stairs," said the Wabbit. "Have you ever known that happen to anyone?" asked Lapinette. "Only once," said the Wabbit. "Who was that?" asked Lapinette. "Me," said the Wabbit and he fiddled with his Snazer gun. "Lucky escape?" asked Lapinette. "Nearly all escalator fatalities are repair technicians," said the Wabbit. "But I was dragged between the combs and it's not good for the fur." "What's it like in there?" asked Lapinette. "Mainly skeletons," smiled the Wabbit. "Look, here comes Snail!" said Lapinette. Snail was crawling under his load of blue slime laser supplies when he saw the Skarrots emerge from the escalator. "Let me at 'em, the little modified devils," cried Snail as he launched a full scale attack on the Skarrots. "He's not the usual Snail with a laser, is he?" said the Wabbit, leaning on his gun. Gradually, Skarrots turned green at the gills as Snail nailed them one by one. "An onion can make you cry, but carrots can't make you laugh," observed Lapinette wryly an she tucked her gun under her arm. "That's something a Wabbit can't run away from," said the Wabbit. "Are you going to do Cowboy quotes all day?" snorted Snail. "I never miss a good chance to shut up," said the Wabbit.

5. The Wabbit at the Supermarket Corral

The Wabbit tossed a Snazer to Lapinette like John Wayne in Rio Bravo and she caught it, spun round and with only one paw fired on the nearest Skarrot. It made a green splodge on an unfortunate place and the Skarrot turned and snarled with bared teeth. "Hey Skarrot!" cried Lapinette," you forgot your pants." The Skarrot let out a terrifying howl and suddenly the supermarket was alive with a criss-cross of orange and blue rays. "What's with the new Snazer, Wabbit?" shouted Lapinette. "Snail made adjustments," the Wabbit shouted back and he hit a Skarrot square on his modified carrot top. Snail kept cover from the rear and Lapinette ducked under the crossfire as the Wabbit sprayed right and left. "Did you get the artichoke tubers?" yelled the Wabbit as he hit another Skarrot. "No, they'd gone orange!" shouted Lapinette and she caught a slower Skarrot on his tapering cone. But the Skarrots seemed to have an inexhaustible supply of carrot ray fuel and the battle raged on and on. "How are we for supplies, Snail?" shouted the Wabbit. "You look like you swallowed a chicken." "I'm well depleted," yelled Snail. So the Wabbit made a decision. "Fall back, fall back!" he shouted. "How do we get into these fights?" yelled Lapinette. "We get bored," answered the Wabbit. "So what about the shopping?" shouted Lapinette, clipping another Skarrot on the root and backing off. "Later!" yelled the Wabbit.

4. The Wabbit and the GM Carrot Crisis

The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette followed the Genetically Modified Skarrots to the supermarket, hid behind the peppers and waited. Then they heard a series of whoosh-whoosh sounds and saw orange rays dart into every corner of the vegetable section. "Everything's turning carrot-coloured," said Lapinette. "Keep out of the way of these rays," said the Wabbit, or we'll be orange too." "Yuk!" said Lapinette and flattened herself against the pepper stand. "If we don't stop them, every living thing will become a Skarrot," grunted the Wabbit and he rummaged in his fur for anything he could find - because just for the moment he had no idea how to stop the creatures. Lapinette grimaced as a carrot ray sliced past her ear. "They seem very annoyed," said Lapinette. "That's the transgenic bacteria," said the Wabbit. "It makes them mad and spreads like wildfire. And it seems to be colour-based." "You know more than I thought," said Lapinette. "I know too much for my own good," said the Wabbit and he thought for a minute. "What colour turns orange into green?" he asked. "Blue," said Lapinette with a smile. "Big Blue Snail!" said the Wabbit. "I'll get him and my Snazer slime gun. I won't be a minute." "What am I  supposed to do in the mean time?" said Lapinette. "Keep out of their way and pick up some artichoke tubers for dinner," suggested the Wabbit. "You want me to shop?" asked Lapinette. "Blend in," said the Wabbit. "You'll hear more of this," scowled Lapinette. "I know," said the Wabbit. Then he vanished.

3. The Wabbit and the GM Skarrots

The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette took a short cut, but somehow the Skarrots managed to evade them. "Look they're over there!" hissed Lapinette and they both took up positions behind a pole and watched as the Skarrots queued for a bus to the city. "Surprising behaviour," said the Wabbit. "They've been coached!" said Lapinette. "Why don't you call it in to the Department, see what they know." The Wabbit got on the blower as he called it, and started muttering things in code. His radio hissed and the Wabbit hit it hard with his paw. "Shhh!" he said. It crackled slightly. "That's better," said the Wabbit and he spoke softly. "Yes, they're getting on the bus now. Yes, yes. Oh yes. No." "What's going on?" whispered Lapinette. "Apparently the plan is to let them go where they're going. Nothing must impede them." "Where are they going?" asked Lapinette. "We''re going to find out," said the Wabbit and shut off his radio. "The driver won't have change for 50 Euro notes," said Lapinette. "Don't worry," said the Wabbit. "I know him and I told him to expect unusuality." "And you'll owe him a dinner I suppose," said Lapinette. "Money well spent," said the Wabbit. "Unusuality isn't a word," said Lapinette. "Yes it is," said the Wabbit. "I bet you dinner it's not," said Lapinette. "OK," said the Wabbit and he smiled a confident smile. "It is a word isn't it?" sighed Lapinette. "Big eats!" grinned the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit & the Horrifying Arrivals

Acting on information received, the Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette slipped into the airport unobserved and, hiding behind a distant carousel, they watched in horror as Genetically Modified carrots poured from the luggage belt. "This carousel is never used," whispered Lapinette. "That’s because it never works," said the Wabbit. "Well it’s working today," said Lapinette. "Do you think the Skarrots will go through customs?" "I don’t think they’re big on passports," said the Wabbit. "Maybe they’ll eat their way through," said Lapinette. The Wabbit started to smile, but then he grimaced. "The things will spread out across the city, foraging," he said. "I suppose they’re not big on restaurants either," said Lapinette. "They’ll start with the customers," said the Wabbit, "and then eat furnishings, crockery and they particularly like to destroy High School Musical posters." "That’s in their favour, I suppose," said Lapinette sniffily. The Wabbit allowed himself a chortle, but one of the Skarrots turned and they both ducked for cover. "What can stop them?" hissed  Lapinette. "I don’t know yet," said the Wabbit. "Exploding them with C4 only causes them to divide and multiply." "Every enemy has a weak point," murmured Lapinette, thinking of a book she’d been reading." "Did you find that in the Carrot Library?" asked the Wabbit. "No, in the "Day of the Triffids","  said Lapinette. “How do they do it?” asked the Wabbit. "Crop ‘em, chop ‘em and cook ‘em," said Lapinette sweetly.

1. The Wabbit and the Carrot Library

Lapinette clutched her book as if her life depended on it, because she had found some surprising information on Genetically Modified vegetables. The Wabbit emerged from the library and hailed her. "Do come in Lapinette, everything’s laid out for your research," he cried with some glee. "I never knew the Carrot Library existed," said Lapinette. "Oh it’s very new," said the Wabbit. "It’s an independent venture of the Carrot Club." "Of which you are this year’s Grand Daucus,” said Lapinette kindly. The Wabbit bowed gravely. "Who pays for it?" asked Lapinette. "The Carrot Club does, through public subscriptions, private grants and fund raising events," said the Wabbit proudly. "No Department of Wabbit Affairs money then?" said Lapinette slyly. "Not as such," said the Wabbit. Lapinette looked at the Wabbit and inclined her head.  "The Agitprop section has a special books, stationery and apparatus allowance, part of which I cause to arrive here," admitted the Wabbit. Lapinette was used to the Wabbit’s unorthodox, yet somehow fair budget adjustments. "Did you find the Skarrot locator device?" she ventured.  "I did," said the Wabbit. "It can identify any rogue carrot within a distance of 400 kilometres." "What constitutes a rogue carrot exactly?" said Lapinette. "Arms, legs, eyes, bared teeth and a voracious appetite," said the Wabbit. "What do they eat?" said Lapinette. "Everything that gets in their way," said the Wabbit. 

The Wabbit Accessorises

The Wabbit was waiting for Lapinette when she came hopping down the shop stairs. "Look what I found!" she cried. "Excellent!" said the Wabbit, automatically. "What have you been doing?" The Wabbit knew quite well what Lapinette had been doing, but he thought he'd better ask anyway. "I've been accessorising!" said Lapinette unexpectedly. The Wabbit could think of only two kinds of accessory. The first, you bolted onto other things and the second, you plugged in to something else. The Wabbit knew that in both cases, it gave the object concerned some extra functions. "Splendid," said the Wabbit. "That shirt looks a bit Tyrolean. Are you using it to strategise on the next mission?" "There's a new mission and I didn't hear?" said Lapinette with surprise.  "Well I think it's going to happen," said the Wabbit. "I was reading Carrot World and there are disturbing developments." Lapinette suddenly remembered that this was the Wabbit's year to perform the duties of Grand Daucus for the Carrot Club, so she didn't make any jokes. "Should I visit the armoury?" she asked hesitantly. "That would be wise," said the Wabbit. " Our far-flung outposts have suffered sabotage and wilful damage. Witnesses observed strange colourful creatures that looked like carrots." "Parrots?" said Lapinette. to make sure she'd heard properly. "Reports have to be verified," said the Wabbit, "but they're calling them Skarrots and you wouldn't want to run into them by accident!" Lapinette looked at the Wabbit with a questioning look. "They Meet and Eat," he said.

The Wabbits & the Intermission Band

"Perhaps the band might help us with our Autism appeal?" suggested Lapinette. The Wabbit merely turned and shouted, "Baião rhythm, 2/4 time!" The band complained good-naturedly about the change in tempo but nevertheless set up a driving beat and a "Too! ta-too, Too! ta-too," echoed round the buildings. The Wabbit looked at Lapinette and sang. “You, to me. Are sweet as roses in the morning." Lapinette looked back and sang in answer. "And you to me, are soft as summer rain at dawn. In love, we share that something rare." She stopped for an impossible instant and came in loud and late on the next line. "The sidewalks in the street!" Then they put their heads together, and  both sang. "The concrete and the clay beneath our feet, begins to crumble. But love will never die. Because we'll see the mountains tumble. Before we say goodbye." Now it was the Wabbit’s turn. "My love. And I. Will be in love eternally. That's the way. Mmm, that`s the way it's meant to be." Then the band joined in. "The sidewalks in the street! The concrete and the clay beneath our feet begins to crumble. But love will never die. Because we'll see the mountains tumble. Before we say goodbye." "Mmmm," sang the Wabbit. "That’s the way it’s meant to be," sang Lapinette. There was a smattering of applause from passers by. "Now you hop round and collect money for Autism," said the Wabbit. "Why me?" asked Lapinette. "You’ll get more than me," said the Wabbit. "I will?" queried Lapinette. "Trust me," said the Wabbit.


The featured autism organisation for this adventure is http://www.autism-society.org/get-involved/state-resources/wyoming.html

The Wabbits stop for Refreshments

Instead of materialising at home, the gang found themselves sitting in a hotel garden. The Wabbit looked at the Moto Snails with a gleam in his eye. "While you were carousing around, bringing down governments, we were looking for a suitable hostelry," said Mo. "We got a special price," said To. "We beat 'em down," said Mo. "Then aperitivi all round," smiled Lapinette. "I'll drink to that!" said Pio the Puppet. "You don't have to have a carrot aperitivo, Pio," said Lapinette, "what would you like?" "I'll have ..." said Pio, thinking furiously, "a Tomfooleries' 007" "What's that?" asked Lapinette. "I know," said the Wabbit. Everyone turned to look at him curiously. "Rum, orange juice and a splash of Sprite," he smiled. Everyone stared at the Wabbit, waiting for more information. "Named for a song by Desmond Dekker," said the Wabbit. No one flinched or said a word. "The rudeboys go wail, cause them out of jail," explained the Wabbit. "Them a loot, them a shoot, them a wail," he continued. This met with absolute silence. "Them on probation now," said the Wabbit finally. Everyone sighed a long sigh. "Serve 'em right," said Lapinette. Mo giggled. The Wabbit wished he'd kept his mouth shut and tried to hide his embarrassment with a question. "Pio, what kind of adventure would you say that was?" he asked, as he usually did. "Espionage thriller," said Pio. "Wabbit Spooks," said To. "I'd like to bring down a government," said Mo. "How would you replace it?" said To cautiously. "No government," shrugged Mo. Pio laughed and cracked his knuckles. "There's no government like No Government!" he grinned. And they all laughed and laughed and laughed.

7. The Wabbit takes a Passenger

 

"Hop on Pio" said the Wabbit "You're coming with us!" "I rather think I'd better," murmured Pio, who had sprained his puppet ankle in the scuffle by kicking a puppet who got in his way. It was a puppet who had trodden on Pio's toes on more than one occasion and Pio had taken reprisals on the way out. "What kind of economist are you, Pio?" asked the Wabbit, who received an economic review every month. "I am a follower of Michal Kalecki," said Pio solemnly. "Oh yes," said the Wabbit, "he plays a kind of rhythm and blues jazz on a Hammond B-3 organ." "Wabbit! You know quite well that's Vojtek Karolak!" said Lapinette, who had been raiding the Wabbit's extensive but eclectic jazz collection. "Is he always like this?" asked Pio of Lapinette. "You'll get used to it," said Lapinette. "Is Snail travel proven safe?" said Pio. "That would be no fun at at all," said Mo with relish. "We have Advanced Fuzzy Traction," said To. "Excellent. I have futures in that," said Pio and he settled back in comfort. "How many Machs would you like the Snails to travel?" said the Wabbit. "Eight hundred and eighty one thousand please," said Pio, thinking of his investment. "I think I need to do more work in the shed for the speed of light," grimaced the Wabbit, "and a new budget line."  "No need," said Mo. And this time there was no boom. It was more of a quiet whoosh and the MoTo Snails and their passengers warped to a tiny dot and vanished.

6. The Wabbit brings down the House

Lapinette turned on a camera and the Wabbit swam into sight on the big screen. "Puppets!" he commanded. "Listen! Now you have a choice!" The Puppets stared at the Wabbit and they shifted uneasily. "Rise!" shouted the Wabbit. "Rise like puppets woke by thunder!" Lapinette clashed two cymbals together and everyone jumped and gave the Wabbit time to think of the next line. "In unconquerable number!" he cried.  There was as snapping noise from the back of the House, followed by others. "Snap your strings like crusty glue, that day by day attached to you!" rhymed the Wabbit. A ripple passed through the puppets like a Mexican Wave. The Wabbit thought furiously. "You're solo puppets through and through!" he bellowed. No-one really knows who threw the first punch. Perhaps no one ever will. But the Wabbit thought he caught sight of Pio's jacket and a light grinned from one of his 28 teeth. The House dissolved into a flurry of puppet limbs and severed strings and all was chaos. "Lets get out of here," said Lapinette and she propelled the Wabbit down the stairs to the door. "Where on earth did you get that poem?" "I borrowed it," gasped the Wabbit, "I took it from Shelley." "Not the Masque of Anarchy?" said Lapinette. "Well, did it work?" demanded the Wabbit. "It worked," sighed Lapinette. "It always does," smiled the Wabbit.

5. The Wabbit takes Over

Suddenly the chamber filled with puppets who listened automatically to a tinny but familiar voice from hidden loudspeakers. "I recognise that Agent chatter," murmured the Wabbit.  "Shhh," said Lapinette, "it will soon be time to move." The Voice was glib and certain and it continued smugly. "All voting on Regulation 207/4, hyper-genetic carrots, draw close and prepare to vote the usual way." The Wabbit winked at Pio. "Wait for it," Lapinette frowned. Pio nodded and then cracked his knuckles. All the puppets glanced in Pio’s direction and their arms twitched slightly. The loudspeaker crackled again. "In the introduction of designer GM carrots with anti-wabbit vaccine, all vote "Yes"." But nothing happened and everything was still. The puppets looked at each other and jingled the Wabbit’s coins in their pockets. "It therefore passes into statute, nem con" hissed the furious Voice. “No!” shouted the Wabbit. The puppets froze. “Under the rules of the House, I abstain!” he yelled. “So do I!” said Lapinette and as they both raised their voting arms a forest of abstaining arms rose behind them. "No confidence in the House!" shouted the Wabbit and he flung his fake voting arm on the floor. "No confidence, no confidence, no confidence," repeated the puppets until their voices reached a crescendo that rattled the windows. The Wabbit grinned and hopped forward to glare at the place the voice was coming from. "I challenge the House, the assembly is mine," he yelled and turned to the puppets. "Who's in charge?" he shouted. "Wabbit!" they yelled back. 

4. The Wabbit seeks Advice

The Wabbit drew his contact aside to ask a private but pertinent question. "Pray tell me your name," said the Wabbit smiling a special diplomatic smile. "I am Pio Pulcinella!" said the Puppet, "how may I assist you?" "You are a political and economic puppet," whispered the Wabbit confidentially. "And I'm at your service," said Pio. "It's about my lists of priorities," said the Wabbit. Pio nodded. "Tell me more," he urged. "I keep adding to my lists and they get longer," said the Wabbit. "How are they organised?" asked Pio. "Randomly," said the Wabbit brightly. "That's not too unusual," said Pio. "so tell me which is your most important list and which is your longest?" "That's easy," said the Wabbit, "because they're one and the same list," "What's your name for that list," said Pio patiently. "Miscellaneous," said the Wabbit. Pio shook his head and thought for a while. Then he snapped his fingers. "What then" he asked," is the item at the very top of that list?" "Organising my lists," said the Wabbit. Pio Pulcinella leaned back with satisfaction and cracked his knuckles. "You have a knapsack problem," he said. "I do?" said the Wabbit. "And there is a knapsack solution," said Pio. "Do tell," said the Wabbit sceptically, since he had an overflowing knapsack at home and that was on one of his lists. "Only so much can go in your knapsack," said Pio, "so get rid of what you don't need." "I'm uncertain about what I don't need," said the Wabbit. "I have a computer programme for uncertainty," smiled Pio.

3. The Wabbit & the Puppet Parliament

The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette were speedily shown to the debating chamber of the Big Parliament and they scampered up the stairs to the sound of considerable moaning from the Wabbit. "I don’t like this costume," complained the Wabbit. "You’re meant to blend in - you’re undercover," whispered Lapinette. The Wabbit scowled. "When I’m undercover," he said ponderously, "I like to sell newspapers, not be a newspaper." Then the Wabbit thought for a bit and decided he hadn't quite exhausted the topic, so he continued. "Besides, I rustle too much and by the way, I’m creased," he grumbled. "I think it’s rather fitting you’re a crossword," said Lapinette. "Oh look, there’s our contact. Do you think he’s done what we asked?" "Well we gave him plenty of coins, I can hear him jingling," said the Wabbit, shifting his ears and thinking some more. "Lap, Are you certain the plan will work?" he whispered. "Of course," said Lapinette. "After the Big Vote, there will be complete confusion and a power vacuum will follow." "What then?" asked the Wabbit, thinking of a vacuum cleaner. "Just hop in and fill it," said Lapinette. The Wabbit brightened considerably as he imagined himself as a massive cyclonic separator. Lapinette kept quiet since knew that the Wabbit was given to flights of fancy and she was cute enough to humour him. "Please hop this way," said their puppet contact. The Wabbit raised his paws one by one as if they were pulled by strings. “Hoppy to oblige,” smiled the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit supposes

The Wabbit’s destination was the Big Parliament and as he and Lapinette hopped up the steps they met a puppet who fitted their mission target. "Follow my lead," whispered  the Wabbit to Lapinette, "and if it doesn’t work, run some interference!" Lapinette nodded and the Wabbit stepped forward and addressed the Puppet. "I suppose you know how things operate around here?" asked the Wabbit. "Supposing I was to advise you?" said the Puppet. "Supposing I could make it worth your while?" said the Wabbit. "Supposing you were to demonstrate your goodwill," said the Puppet. The Wabbit paused, dug in his fur and jingled some coins. "I suppose that would do nicely," said the Puppet. The Wabbit leaned towards the Puppet and lowered his voice. "Supposing the Big Vote went a particular way," he continued. "Supposing I was to use my influence," said the Puppet. "Supposing I had 200 more of these coins," said the Wabbit. The Puppet pondered for a while. "I suppose every little helps," said the Puppet. "I suppose I could be more charitable," said the Wabbit and he jingled the coins in his fur again because he was beginning to like the sound. For a while they both listened and the Puppet smiled at the Wabbit and the Wabbit smiled back. "I suppose you’d have an opinion on how my friends might vote," said the Puppet and he rubbed a single coin in his hand as if it would magically multiply. The Wabbit shot a glance at Lapinette and she hopped quickly forward. "I suppose they might abstain," she murmured quietly.

1. The Wabbits and a Speedy Departure

Following a communiqué from the Department, The Wabbit and Lapinette prepared to leave on an urgent mission. The Wabbit had decided that the most appropriate way to reach their destination was with the MoTo Snails and both he and Lapinette had made themselves comfortable on board.  "Are you sure Mo and To can reach a speed of Mach 2?" asked  Lapinette. "Oh, there have been modifications since then," said the Wabbit. "What kind of modifications?” sighed Lapinette suspiciously. "Super duper ones," said the Wabbit. "Won’t we fall off then?" said Lapinette. "Not at all," said the Wabbit. "Not since we introduced Advanced Fuzzy Traction." "We?" said Lapinette questioningly. "Big Blue Snail and I," said the Wabbit. "Hmm," said Lapinettte, and she shifted uneasily on her perch. "Anyway, I think you’re pulling my leg," she added. "Check it out!" yelled Mo. "We have carefully assessed the modifications and we’re quietly assured," said To. Lapinette leaned across to the Wabbit in a confidential fashion. "Wabbit," she whispered, "I can never remember who is Mo and who is To." "No problem," smiled  the Wabbit. "Mo is the impetuous one and To thinks too much." "I don’t think I think too much," said To, who had heard everything. "What about breathing at high speed?" said Lapinette. "Well since they’re so fast, you won’t even have to hold your breath," said the Wabbit. "We are about to commence scheduled departure on the count of three," said To. "Three," said Mo. And with two ear-splitting sonic booms, they vanished. 

The Wabbit & the Ambassadors' Talks

The Wabbit, Lovely Lapinette and their diplomatic guests gathered to have a post adventure drink in a nearby cafe. "Did I hear mention of carrot aperitivi?" said the Wabbit. The aperitivi duly appeared on the table and everyone chatted enthusiastically. "There was something I wanted to ask," said the Wabbit. "Can you tell me what your top level talks were about?" "Oh," said Pink Bunny, "that is most hush-hush." "Das ist verboten," said Rettet Kaninchen. Lapinette looked at the Wabbit. "I suppose anything that’s not forbidden is allowed!" she laughed. Pink Bunny laughed too. "In that case, we can tell you that the Agents of Rabit have been setting up puppet governments and our job is to stop them," she said. "Puppet Governments," mused the Wabbit and he imagined a parliament full of Pinocchios. "I can see what you’re thinking," said Lapinette. "No you can’t," smiled the Wabbit and he changed his thoughts to a parliament crammed with Punch and Judy characters. But just as they were hitting each other with police truncheons, Lapinette broke in. "Punch is funny," she said. "How did you know I was thinking of Punch and Judy?" asked the Wabbit. "Lucky guess?" said Lapinette sweetly. "Puppets can be nice, like Kasper in Hohensteiner Puppenspiele!" said Rettet Kaninchen. "When Good Puppets go Bad," sighed the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the Brave Diplomats

With the Agents of Rabit disabled, the Wabbit and Lapinette rushed back to ensure the safety of the Ambassadors. But they weren't expecting the aftermath of a struggle. "What’s this?" asked Lapinette pointing at two Agents who were securely roped and tied. "They disturbed us," said Pink Bunny. "We did restrain them," said Rettet Kaninchen. "And took them prisoner," said Pink Bunny, "Jetzt ist ihnen nicht gut," said Rettet Kaninchen. "I can see that," said the Wabbit. "They look a little the worse for wear." "They fell," said Pink Bunny. "Into a wall," said Rettet Kaninchen. The Wabbit smiled one of his smiles which he reserved for such occasions. Lapinette grinned. "Better call it in, Wabbit" she said. The Wabbit lifted his walkie-talkie and pressed the red button with delight. "Wabbit to Control," he said nonchalantly. "Can you send a pick-up squad and a first aid team?" The radio hissed angrily. "Hardly anything at all," said the Wabbit. "Bring sticking plasters and two bags of frozen peas." The radio hissed again and went silent. "What’s going to happen to them now?" asked Pink Bunny. "Oh nothing much. Community Service probably" said the Wabbit. "That doesn’t sound so bad," said Pink Bunny. "In Abu Dhabi," said the Wabbit. 

The Wabbit faces them Down

The Wabbit stood in the path of the snickering Agents of Rabit and casually took a can of WD-40 from his fur. He tossed it in the air, caught it and began to lubricate his laser gun. "I know what you're thinking." said the Wabbit, glancing up. "Huh?" said the leader of the Agents. "You're wondering whether I forgot to service my gun," said the Wabbit quietly. "Huh, uh?" said the leader of the Agents. He turned to his gang and they all shook their heads. The Wabbit shook his head too. "You're asking yourselves, "is it going to work?"" he drawled laconically. "Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as the oil is WD-40 and this is a Snaser, the slimiest Laser gun in the whole wide world, you’ll slip and slide your way to Kingdom Come." The Agents jumped and talked confusingly, then looked back. "So  you've got to ask yourselves one question," continued the Wabbit. "Do we feel lucky?" The Agents turned to each other and hesitantly asked themselves if they felt lucky. Some decided they weren't feeling one bit lucky and decamped from the back. Lapinette smiled from her vantage point, but kept her automatic trained on the lead Agent. The lead Agent stared menacingly at the Wabbit. "Look behind you," said the Wabbit. "There's no-one left." The Agent glanced behind him and the Wabbit hopped quickly forward and pushed him over the parapet. "Luck," said the Wabbit to the few Agents remaining, "is when preparation meets opportunity."

The Wabbit and the Concerted Attack

The Wabbit crouched on the window ledge and listened. Then he heard that strange sound again and he looked down at Lapinette. Lapinette made a sign with her paw and the Wabbit heard her rack a round into the chamber of her automatic.  He touched a button on his laser gun and listened to the whine as it charged. The Wabbit risked a glance round the wall and spotted several agents of Rabit scale the castle bridge and make their way along the ramparts. He strained his ears to the utmost. Yes, there it was again, nearly inaudible - but it was there. Snicker-snacker, snicker-snacker went the sound. The Wabbit switched on his universal translator but the sound was more or less the same. "Snacker-snicker, snacker-snicker," chattered the translator.  "I wonder why the wranglers never worked out this signal?" thought the Wabbit.  Lapinette made a sign with her paws and twitched her ears seven times. "There are seven agents," thought the Wabbit. "That’s three and a half each." Lapinette made another sign. "Seventy!" thought the Wabbit," and he wiggled his ears back and to each side. Lapinette shook her head and twitched her ears once more. "Seven elite troops," thought the Wabbit. "That’s still three and a half each, but harder." So the Wabbit changed the setting on his laser and it started to whine quite loudly. Lapinette frowned and covered her mouth. The Wabbit shrugged his shoulders and shook a paw at his weapon. Lapinette twitched her ears again and nodded her head down. "Go down to the back," reckoned the Wabbit. Lapinette made a scissors motion. "And cut them off  ...?" guessed the Wabbit. Lapinette blew him a kiss. "At the pass!" realised the Wabbit.

4. The Wabbit and the Guest Bedroom

"I swear I heard something," muttered the Wabbit. "I can't hear a thing," said Lapinette. "Maybe it's the plumbing." "It didn't make a drippedy-woosh noise," said the Wabbit. "What kind of noise was it?" asked Lapinette. "More of a snickety-snacker type of noise," said the Wabbit. Lapinette sighed. "You're always hearing strange noises, let's not get spooked." "All the same," said the Wabbit, waving his weapon all around. "I am prepared for the unexpected." "Unexpected what?" said Lapinette. "If I knew that," said the Wabbit, "then it wouldn't be unexpected." "Der Knochen kommt nicht zum Hund, sondern der Hund zum Knochen," said Rettet Kaninchen. "Maybe you're right Ambassador, I should take a look around the perimeter," replied the Wabbit. Lapinette turned to her guests. "Is the accommodation suitable?" she asked. "It's appropriately pink," said Pink Bunny. "I am most pleased, we shall work well here." "Lock the door and don't let anyone in but us," said the Wabbit. "We can always use the secret tunnel in an emergency," said Lapinette. "Secret tunnel, secret tunnel?" said the Wabbit. "I never heard of a secret tunnel." There was silence. "No one told me about the secret tunnel!" moaned the Wabbit. "Then it wouldn't be secret," smiled Lapinette. "Touché," nodded the Wabbit.
["Der Knochen kommt nicht zum Hund, sondern der Hund zum Knochen." German Proverb: The bone doesn't come to the dog, the dog goes to the bone.]

3. The Wabbits protect their Guests

Lapinette and the Wabbit hopped quickly from the helichopper keeping their diplomats under close protection. Lapinette's radio suddenly burst into life. "Hello Trixie, the wranglers report that things are busy, have my nieces arrived?" "Hello Mother," said Lapinette, "yes, our guests are here for dinner and they came a long way." "Take their hats and come on in," said the radio, "the aperitivi are on the table." "What's that about your mother's aperitivo?" said the Wabbit. "It's code, Wabbit" said Lapinette. The Wabbit heard the slide on her automatic and he tightened his grip on the laser gun that he and Snail had made in a shed. "There are uninvited guests," whispered Lapinette. "Be on your guard!" Looking hastily from side to side  Lapinette and the Wabbit hurried Pink Bunny and Rettet Kaninchen across the courtyard. "What's that?" asked Pink Bunny pointing at the Wabbit's strange looking weapon. "Oh," said the Wabbit, "just something Snail and I invented." "Wer ist die Schnecke?" said Rettet Kaninchen? "Snail's a good friend," said the Wabbit. "Everything's ready for your top-level discussions." said Lapinette to the diplomats. "What's our accommodation like?" asked Pink Bunny. "Basic, I'm afraid," said Lapinette. "But if you need anything, just ask the Wabbit." The diplomats turned to the Wabbit. "Anything I can get you?" he smiled. "Carrot aperitivi," they chorused.
[Wranglers: radio signal analysts and cryptographers. Their name derives from Wrangler maths students.  MI6 slang from espionage novels by John Le Carre]

2. The Wabbits take to the Sky

Lapinette kicked the tyres and lit the fires. A helichopper clatter echoed noisily around the square as she lifted off for a top secret destination with her top-level diplomats safely on board. Then she hovered while the Wabbit spoke to Wabbit Command. "Requesting clearance Command, from Corso Svizzera heading SE 54, 2000 metres," said the Wabbit. The radio crackled. "Take off agreed. Proceed with caution. There are power lines and a cooling tower. At your own risk, Commander. Out" "Out," said the Wabbit and he turned to Lapinette. "Mind the cooling tower," smiled the Wabbit. "They always say that," said Lapinette. "Go over the tower and pick up some thermals," suggested the Wabbit, winking. "May we loop the loop?" asked Pink Bunny. "Flight rules Ma’am," said Lapinette. "Your diplomatic mission is of the utmost importance." "It’s urgently urgent," agreed the Wabbit. "Da ist die Gefahr?" asked Rettet Kaninchen. "Danger? Not for you," said the Wabbit. "You’re in safe paws."  The helichopper chattered deafeningly as Lapinette throttled up. The Wabbit cut communication to his diplomats and spoke privately to Lapinette. "Did you notice anything on the ground," he asked. "I saw him," said Lapinette, "he’s just a scout." "But now they know where we’re coming from," said the Wabbit. "I think everyone knows that now," said Lapinette over the noise, "Did you adjust the swash plates?" she asked. The Wabbit nodded and grinned. Lapinette pulled the stick and the helichopper soared near-vertically into the sky. "Bravo Zulu!" * laughed the Wabbit.

[Bravo Zulu: Aviator slang - praise for a good job]

1. The Wabbit takes care of his Guests

At a converted factory not far from the city centre, the Wabbit seated his special guests in a special vehicle. The vehicle was a surprise to Lapinette and she tried to catch the Wabbit's eye. "Wabbit," she whispered, "what's with the vehicle?"  "Vehicle?" said the Wabbit innnocently. "The one you're touching with your paw," said Lapinette. "Oh," said the Wabbit. "I found it it at the back of the Department." Lapinette looked sternly at the Wabbit. "Requisitioned it," said the Wabbit apologetically. "Did you sign for it?" said Lapinette in a threatening voice. "I did," said the Wabbit. "You're not cleared for experimental vehicles," said Lapinette. "No, but you are," said the Wabbit. Lapinette looked at the Wabbit in horror. "You signed my name?" she yelled. "In triplicate," said the Wabbit. Lapinette hopped from one foot to another. "That's is the procedure," said the Wabbit. Lapinette fell silent. "Well I hope you didn't have any trouble getting it here, it's hush hush!" she said finally. "No, apart from the minor business with the tram," muttered the Wabbit. Lapinette sighed. "I got stuck in the tram rails," said the Wabbit, waving a paw dismissively, "but I gave the driver some luncheon vouchers for making him late." "Do you know how it works?" asked Lapinette. "Not a clue," said the Wabbit, "you just tell it where to go." "Where are we going?" said Lapinette. "Well," said the Wabbit, "nowhere particularly fast."

The Wabbit Intermission Gnam-Gnam

Before their appeal, the Wabbit and Lapinette met in their favourite food store, together with special diplomatic invitees Rettet Kaninchen from Germany and Pink Bunny from the United States. "Did you order everything for the Intermission," asked Lapinette. "I did," said the Wabbit. "Carrot cake?" said Lapinette. "Check!" said the Wabbit. "Celery Glacé?" asked Lapinette. "Checkedy check!" said the Wabbit. "Everything in place?" said Lapinette. "Totally," said the Wabbit. "And you remember who are we appealing for?" said Lapinette. "Of course," said the Wabbit. "It's Pledge a Pound and PACT both in the UK." "And what do readers have to do?" coached Lapinette. "They have to click on the Internet clicky links," said the Wabbit. "Your so technical," said Lapinette. "I just can't help it," said the Wabbit. "What next?" asked Lapinette. "Readers have to dig plastic cards from their fur and do things with numbers," said the Wabbit. "Then what?" said Lapinette. "They have to think of a donation amount," said the Wabbit, "and double it." "Well, they can give what they like," admonished Lapinette, "because mony a mickle maks a muckle!"* "You speak my old language," said the Wabbit in astonishment. "I can't help it either," said Lapinette, "you talk it in your sleep!" "Das ist gut," said Rettet Kaninchen. "Excellent!" said Pink Bunny.
[*Scots: A lot of small amounts builds up to a large sum]

7. The Wabbit emerges Back

"Hello, hello," said Lapinette. "Ground control calling the Wabbit!" The Wabbit sat up with a jolt. "Where were you?" asked Lapinette. "I was in my deep unconscious," said the Wabbit. "Well, you certainly weren't here," said Lapinette. "What's in there anyway?" "Lots," said the Wabbit. "I phoned Snail from inside a washing machine and apparently I can sometimes be pompous. "Never!" said Lapinette disguising a smirk. "I learned I can be all sorts of things," said the Wabbit, "and that my unconscious is rather full." "Full of ... ?"  prompted Lapinette. "Electrical goods," said the Wabbit, "and there's an Agent of Rabit who lives there permanently and he won't leave." "I can't imagine why," smiled Lapinette, "but please continue." "Then I met Franco when I was a ferryman on a German police barge," said the Wabbit. Lapinette grinned at the thought. "Perhaps you were going to the Unterwelt, what was it like?" she asked with a straight face. "More pleasant than you might think," said the Wabbit with enthusiasm. "There were woods and a lake and a water witch who looked like Ghost Bunny. She brought us aperitivi and flew off on a giant carrot." "Your unconscious life is rather rich," commented Lapinette, who was beginning to get thirsty. "So is that where all your bad jokes come from?" she asked. "I forgot to mention that," said the Wabbit.

6. The Wabbit and the Water Witch

Still in their unconscious, the Wabbit and Franco hopped by the lakeside to see if they could find the Water Witch. Then, as they rounded a corner by some strange trees, they saw two carrot aperitivi laid out neatly on a tree trunk. "Look," said the Wabbit, "we may be the only creatures ever to get refreshments in our psyche." "The Water Witch provides for her own, Sir" said Franco, "you being a seafaring type." The Wabbit nodded vigorously and glancing upwards, he could have sworn he saw a witch sailing through the air on a most delicious carrot. "Well, the sun appears to be over the yardarm," he said "and so we should drink a toast." "Who shall we toast?" asked Franco. "Ourselves," said the Wabbit. "Ourselves and all our adventures together."  "Our adventures don't seem to stop, Sir!" said Franco. "They won't stop until we've reached our objectives, Franco," said the Wabbit. "That could be quite a while," mused Franco. "As long as it takes," said the Wabbit. Their heads bobbed in mutual agreement. "There's something very familiar about that Water Witch," said Franco suddenly. "I know," said the Wabbit, "it's almost as if our psyches are making it up as we go along." "That's gonzo for you," Sir," said Franco. "It's a stream of unconsciousness," laughed the Wabbit.

5. The Wabbit and the Barge

"Franco!" said the Wabbit. "Commander Sir!" said Franco. "Are you in my unconscious too?" said the Wabbit, "because it's getting rather crowded in here." "I suppose so Sir. I was wondering if you were in mine," said Franco. "Nice spot anyway," said the Wabbit. "Delightful Sir," said Franco and he stood at ease. "Are we perhaps on our way to to the Underworld?" he added and he gave the Wabbit the fondest of looks. "Why?" asked the Wabbit. "You're on a barge," said Franco. The Wabbit looked all around. "So I am. Maybe I'm the ferry wabbit," he said to Franco. "If you say so, Sir," replied Franco, "but it appears to be a German police launch." "Ich bin der Fährmann?" mused the Wabbit. Franco chuckled and tipped back his Alpini hat. "Then we may meet Frau Holden, the Water Witch," he said. "And she will will make us aperitivi?" suggested the Wabbit. "I believe she's quite benign and seldom cross," said Franco. "Oh, I like the sound of her. This place is definitely better than the inside of a washing machine," said the Wabbit. "Washing machine?" asked Franco. "You'll never believe who I met in there!" said the Wabbit. Franco waited because he knew the Wabbit was going to tell him. "A wicked Agent of Rabit," exclaimed the Wabbit. "Oh I see them in dreams all the time, Sir," said Franco. "What happens?" asked the Wabbit. "I eliminate them," said Franco.

4. The Wabbit and the Dark Archetype

Water streamed into the washing machine and sloshed around as the drum span faster. The Wabbit lost grip of his phone but when he looked for it, his fur stood on end at the sight of an unwelcome presence. "What are you doing in my unconscious?" he growled at what was clearly an Agent Of Rabit. "Get out at once!" he yelled indignantly. "I can't," said the Agent, "because I live here." "You can’t live here, rent free and uninvited," gasped the Wabbit. "I can’t leave because I’m part of you," said the wicked Agent. The water sloshed soap suds around and the Wabbit found himself upside down. "Your a fiendish fiend," gurgled the Wabbit. "You need to give me a chance," replied  the Agent. "I’ll give you justice!" shouted the Wabbit. "And who would make me dried bread*?" said the Agent. "I’ll bring a loaf to your cell every day!" shouted the Wabbit. "Then you would be a prisoner too," said the Agent. There was a long pause. All the Wabbit could hear was water. He fell silent as he thought, and as he thought he revolved. "How can you possibly be part of me?" he asked. "I'm your potential for wrongdoing," said the Agent, "don’t you recognise me?" Then he too revolved as the soapy suds washed over his feet. The Wabbit stared at the Agent of Rabit and the more he stared, the more he recognised. The Agent became fainter and fainter - until he was merely a lick of colour in the soapy water. "It’s a good thing I brought a towel," gurgled the Wabbit.

[*Russian saying: prepare for prison, exile]

3.The Wabbit and his Psyche

The washing machine drum started to tumble, and the Wabbit gripped his phone to communicate with his unconscious. "Hello, anyone there?" asked the Wabbit. He heard muffled sounds and a crackling, then suddenly a familiar voice boomed from the earphone. "Hello, who’s calling please?" "It’s the Wabbit and I know your voice - it’s Snail," said the Wabbit. "You’re very clear! You could be standing next to me," said Snail, "where are you calling from?" "I’m in my deep unconscious," said the Wabbit, "but what are you doing here?" "Nothing leaves the psyche," said Snail sagely. "If I’m in your unconscious, I must represent something important to you, Wabbit. Can you think what it is?" The Wabbit thought as the drum tumbled slowly. "Well, you’re stalwart and principled and I can always rely on you," he said. "That’s all very well," said Snail. "But can you think of anything negative?" The Wabbit thought hard for a small criticism that wouldn’t offend, but Snail seemed to know what he was thinking. "I won't take offence, Wabbit. I am merely a relational object amongst others in your psyche," he said soothingly. "OK," said the Wabbit. "you can be a bit pompous sometimes." "Pompous!"  said Snail. "How dare you! I think that rightly belongs to you." "I suppose," agreed the Wabbit and he thought again. "Snail, do you have a complaint about me?" "Yes," said Snail. "It’s your misplaced humour." "Ah!" smiled the Wabbit, "if I misplaced my humour, then it’s not lost and I’ll find it again soon." There was a long silence. "Do you see what I mean?" sighed Snail. 

2. The Wabbit explores his Unconscious

The Wabbit looked all around. Then he looked all around again. "How on earth did I get here?" mused the Wabbit. The Wabbit's reflection laughed and laughed. "You're in your unconscious," it said with enormous mirth. "My unconscious is full of gadgets and electrical goods?" queried the Wabbit. "You're a little weird," said his reflection, "but this will do fine for the time being." The Wabbit had a long think. "Why?" he asked finally. "Since you're on this floor, you obviously need to communicate," said his reflection. "Communicate to who?" said the Wabbit in amazement. "Now you sound like an owl," said his reflection. "Anyway, it's to whom. Whom is the object of the preposition." The Wabbit's unconscious whirled. "OK, I grant you the grammar, just answer the question," he said. "Communicate with yourself," said his reflection emphatically and it squinted at the Wabbit in the glare of the shop lights. "Do I need a phone for that?" said the Wabbit. "If it helps," said his reflection. "There's so much choice, so what colour should it be?" asked the Wabbit. "What's your mood?" asked his reflection. "Blue," said the Wabbit. "Then it's settled," said his reflection. "Now we can go deeper into your unconscious." The Wabbit looked down. "What's there?" he asked. "Washing machines," said his reflection. "Good clean out?" suggested the Wabbit. "And a spin dry," grinned his reflection.

1.The Wabbit and his Shadow

The Wabbit had been on the roof, thinking. And there were many things to think about. There were the wicked Agents of Rabit, who never left him in peace. There was his work for the Department. There were his leadership duties to his small band of willing helpers. Last but not least, there was the sausage question that had not been fully laid to rest. But that wasn't all - because of the list of things to do from more than a year ago. There had been so many additions! "Now the things that used to be at the end of my list are in the middle," sighed the Wabbit. The Wabbit stretched out a paw to his shadow on the staircase wall and touched it just for fun. "You're funny!" said his shadow. "I beg your pardon," said the Wabbit sharply. "Don't worry about your list, Wabbit." The Wabbit sat down on the stairs and looked at his shadow. "What exactly do you propose," he said with narrowed eyes. "What are you doing for fun?" asked the Wabbit's shadow. The Wabbit shrugged. "That's not a satisfactory reply," said his shadow. "You mean like playing unobtainable records from 1936?" suggested the Wabbit. His shadow started to laugh. "I mean exciting adventures," he said. "I can't always be having adventures," said the Wabbit. "Everything's an adventure," replied his shadow. "In that case, another will start in a minute," said the Wabbit, who was beginning to feel cheered. "Can I come?" asked his shadow with excitement. "Hard to get rid of you," chortled the Wabbit.