The Wabbit goes to Eataly

Lapinette could hear the Wabbit's tummy grumbling. "Are you a bit peckish?" she enquired. "I am," said the Wabbit. "That's why we're here. isn't it?" "There's all the salad you can eat at Eataly," said Lapinette. "I know," said the Wabbit. "I have a discount." "I don't get a discount," said Lapinette. "You," said the Wabbit, "are not a member of the Carrot Club." "The Carrot Club?" smiled Lapinette. "We get 15 per cent discount. We have our get-togethers here," said the Wabbit. "What do you talk about?" asked Lapinette. "Carrots," said the Wabbit. "I'm astonished" said Lapinette. "Did you know that you can use compost tea to prevent carrot disease?" asked the Wabbit. "I'm sure the Carrot Club knows everything there is to know about carrots." said Lapinette, suppressing a giggle. “We have our own carrot juice with the Carrot Club logo on the label." said the Wabbit proudly. "What's it like? asked Lapinette. "Crossed carrots on a verdant field," said the Wabbit. There was a lengthy pause in which the Wabbit thought briefly about explaining the secret sign language of the Carrot Club. "Wabbit!" said Lapinette, suddenly breaking into the Wabbit's train of thought. "I brought you here to talk of an urgent mission. It's perfect for a wabbit with one of your special qualities. "Which one?" asked the Wabbit. "Would it be bravery, audacity, or serenity under pressure?" "Recklessness." said Lapinette.

10. The Wabbit gets his Character

"I believe you have my automatic," said the Wabbit. "You asked me to drop off your other coat to be cleaned," retorted Lapinette. "It's a good thing I checked your special pockets." The Wabbit thought for a moment and imagined his automatic going through machines at the laundry. Then he smiled a most sinister smile. "That could have gone badly I suppose," he grinned. "Wabbit you nearly ruined a year of careful planning with your pranks." "Pranks?" said the Wabbit. "We wrapped it all up." "That's not the point," said Lapinette. "Well perhaps the plan should have been implemented the sooner," said Puma. Skratch looked at Lapinette and flinched away. "Oh that's all in the past," smiled the Wabbit, clapping his paws. "Tell me Lapinette, what was all that holograph stuff?" "The holographic creatures live on a single surface that includes all their information." said Lapinette. "They would break free and travel the space-time continuum at speeds faster than light," "With old fashioned explosives," murmured Skratch and he dug Puma sharply in the ribs. "It's a puzzle, but trading arms seems to energise them." said Lapinette. "What kind of adventure was it then?" interrupted Skratch, who was bored with quantum mechanics. Lapinette looked at them and sighed.”A comedy western?" Skratch laughed and stood up. "No, we will not die like dogs!" he drawled. "We will fight like lions!" growled Puma. “Because we are ..." shouted the Wabbit with a paw in the air. "The Three Amigos!" they hooted.

9. The Wabbit is taken by Surprise

When the Wabbit uttered the words "Be seeing you," it was signal for action. Puma roared with a roar that shook the windows. Skratch threw anything he could find, with singular success. The Wabbit thought it was all going rather well until there was a sudden crash and Lapinette came plunging through the roof. "Belay the firearms, Marchesa!" shouted the Wabbit, somewhat nautically as befitted his rank. "You looked under pressure," yelled Lapinette. "Never a bother," replied the Wabbit and waved his arms at a retreating Eul. "We've been tailing them for a year," shouted Lapinette. "The Euls are holographic. They buy and sell explosives." "Oh, that explains everything," grumbled the Wabbit to himself. "How shall we round them up?" he asked, in an effort to be inclusive. "Tell them your best joke," said Lapinette. The Wabbit tried to think amidst the roars and the splats and he covered his ears from the din until something finally made him smile. "How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?" he called. The Euls turned round as one and demanded the answer. "How, how?" they cried. "Because you never see wabbits wearing glasses," said the Wabbit. The Euls took one look at the Wabbit and howled with laughter until they couldn't stop. The more they laughed, the more they shimmered and the more they shimmered the more they laughed. Until they all lay on the floor shaking. "They're out of energy," said Lapinette. "Good thing," said the Wabbit. "I'm out of jokes."

8. The Wabbit plays for Time

The Wabbit found himself penned in to a corner of the deserted garage by a group of Euls who arrived without warning in great number. The Wabbit noticed that they were rather agitated so he faced them with what he thought was an engaging expression."Where's our cash?" laughed the Euls. "We want cash!" "Yes of course," said the Wabbit patting his fur. "Oh, I seem to have left my cash in my other coat. How remiss of me," "Haw haw haw," laughed the Euls and looked at each other. Suddenly they fell into silence. "That's not funny," said the biggest Eul. The Euls all nodded and agreed that the situation was without humour. "Have no fear," said the Wabbit. "I will write you a promissory note, redeemable at the International Wabbit Bank." "We don't like banks," said one Eul." "You're not alone," replied the Wabbit. "Where is this bank?" asked another. "Above the pet shop in Corso Svizzera," said the Wabbit. The Euls giggled for a moment, then stopped abruptly. The Wabbit smiled. "I will go there and ensure funds are in place. I do hope there's no queue" "We don't like queues," said the largest Eul. "Tell me about it," said the Wabbit. He hopped carefully to right and left through the crowd of snickering Euls and when he reached the door, he wheeled around sharply. "Be seeing you," he said. The words were hardly out of his mouth when he caught sight of familiar eyes, peering through the boarded window. "That's torn it," thought the Wabbit.

7. The Wabbit in the Deserted Garage

"They're not around," said the Wabbit and advanced threateningly on a stack of blue discs. "They will be," said Skratch with some certainty. "Did you find out what they're called," asked the Wabbit. "Euls," said Skratch. "Ools?" responded the Wabbit. "Eul pronounced Oil," said Skratch. "Ah," said the Wabbit, as if he had always known. "What do we know so far?” asked the Wabbit. "They laugh independently of the discs," said Puma. “They do, with a hysterical reaction to jokes, even bad ones," said the Wabbit." "Look, the Euls are not always funny," said Skratch sharply. "I still think we need backup," he added firmly. "We'll trick them and then call it in. It will be our bag." said the Wabbit. "I think it’s old-fashioned anyway," interrupted Puma. "What is?" asked the Wabbit. "Cordite, in the discs," said Puma. "Enough explosive to blow us to the Pet Cemetery and back." grumbled Skratch. "How far is that?" asked the Wabbit. "Rivoli," said Skratch. "Far," agreed the Wabbit. There was a silence and then the Wabbit suddenly smacked his paws together. "OK, let's prepare," said the Wabbit. "Skratch, you lurk behind that petrol pump. Puma, prowl off behind that stack of discs by the window." "I will crouch and growl under my breath," said Puma. The Wabbit nodded sagely. "What are you going to do?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit brushed some garage dust from his coat and smiled. "The best I can," said the Wabbit.

6. A Pizzino for the Wabbit

Slightly dishevelled, the Wabbit, Skratch and Puma made their way through a distant part of the neighbourhood. They were just chatting happily when a crumpled ball of paper floated down in front of them. "What's that crumpled ball?" asked Puma. The Wabbit bent down and poked it with a paw. "I've seen one before," he said. "It's a pizzino!" The Puma looked at Skratch questioningly. "It is a secret communication, Puma," Skratch told him gravely. "Undoubtedly it will be in code," said the Wabbit and he straightened it out and read it. "What does it say?" said the Puma impatiently. "Hang on," said the Wabbit and he consulted a small notebook, which he had taken from deep inside his fur. "It contains directions to an old garage where we will inspect the merchandise." "Don't you think it’s time to call in reinforcements?" asked Skratch, who was in the habit of exercising caution where pizzini were concerned. The Wabbit straightened and gave a nonchalent toss of his ears. "I think we can handle this," he said. Puma hissed softly and tried hard to squint upwards at the bandage on his forehead. "Where is this garage?" he growled. "It's beside the old ruined house," replied the Wabbit. Both Skratch and Puma looked at each other, blinked their eyes and hi-pawed. "Then we have the advantage of them," growled Puma.

5. The Wabbit makes a Suggestion

The Wabbit was initially surprised when Skratch the Cat Burglar produced a blue disc from his fur. "How did you get it?" asked the Wabbit. "I'm a burglar," said Skratch. "I took it when he was laughing at my jokes." "I wonder what it is?" mused the Wabbit. "What would you do with it?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit replied quickly. "Me? Well, I would push it and pull it and poke it and see if it did anything." "Is that wise?" asked Puma. "You sound like Lapinette," said the Wabbit. "There's a small groove. Maybe I could get a claw in and lever it back," said Skratch enthusiastically. "Good plan," commented the Wabbit and rapidly hopped back. Puma covered his eyes with a single paw and emitted a low growl. "Here goes!" shouted Skratch and he pushed a claw far into the groove. There was a slight crack and a puff of hot gas rose from the disc. "Oh, I say" said Skratch. "Haw haw haw," he laughed. "Haw haw haw." "Oh no," growled Puma. "He's got it now." Skratch bounded up and down and howled with mirth. "I wonder how long it lasts, Puma. We haven't got all day," said the Wabbit, who was wishing he had said nothing. "Just joking," said Skratch and smiled. The Wabbit stamped a heavy hind foot and shook a paw at Skratch. "It's a familiar smell," said Skratch sniffing. "Stings the eyes, smells of ammonia." He paused and looked blankly at the disc. "Cordite," said Puma. "I'll throw it over there then," said Skratch as he launched the disk through the air. And they all dived for cover as a terrific blast showered them with earth and stones.

4. The Wabbit and Business

Skratch guided his mark into a nearby cafe, followed closely by Puma and the Wabbit. "So to business," said Skratch. "Business is business," said the creature and started to laugh. "Haw haw business," he cried. "Haw haw haw." "My associates and I are somewhat interested in your discs," continued Skratch. "How many?" giggled the creature. Skratch hadn't anticipated this turn in conversation and grabbed a number from thin air. "Five," he said nonchalently, glancing round at the Wabbit. The Wabbit jumped up and down frantically and waved his paws upwards. "Five hundred ..." ventured Skratch hesitantly. The Wabbit hissed and waved his paws high above his head. "Five hundred thousand," said Skratch and smiled. The Wabbit cringed and cradled his head in his paws. "What are we going to do with ..." grumbled Puma, "Shush," said the Wabbit. "We'll work something out." "How shall we take delivery?" asked Skratch of the creature. "Haw haw," laughed the creature. "We'll be in touch so where do we haw haw find you?" Skratch glanced over at the Wabbit and the Wabbit glared back and whirled his paws around in circles. "We homies, we hang in the hood," said Skratch." The creature began to shake with laughter and the more he laughed, the more he shook and everything trembled. "Now the joke's on him," murmured the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit lies in Wait

"Hello there my good fellow," said Skratch boldly. "Funny weather for the time of year!" "Haw, haw, haw!" laughed the creature. "Skratch was not put out one bit. "Yes, funny when you think about it," he added. "Haw, haw," cackled the creature, nodding vigourously. "You sound like a chap who would appreciate a funny joke," said Skratch. "Ho he ha haw. Haw haw," laughed the creature. "Well," said Skratch and he drew in a breath. "Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?" The creature looked at Skratch in delight and his eyes went around and around. "Haw, he haw he haw, he haw," he screeched and he fell all around on the path, threshing his arms wildly. "I've not finished," thought Skratch in disgust and glanced at Puma and the Wabbit in the undergrowth. Puma nudged the Wabbit and growled under his breath. "Cheeetahs," he said. "No they're not cheetahs," said the Wabbit quietly. "The joke, Wabbit." said the Puma. The Wabbit looked vague. "Listen Wabbit," said the Puma. "Listen and think. Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?" "I give up," said the Wabbit quickly. "Too many cheetahs," said the Puma. The Wabbit was unmoved and he carefully watched the uncontrollable writhings and listened to the hyena laughter of the strange creature. "Skratch," he hissed. "What?" asked Skratch. "For all our sakes don't tell him the punchline," said the Wabbit.