8. The Wabbit and the Catering Corp

The Wabbit and Skratch the Cat headed out to snare the Gnamskulls, carrying the sandwiches with the dangerous special filling. The Wabbit nudged Skratch gently. "We're working undercover Skratch, so whatever you do don't talk about food." "Oh!" said Skratch. Now all Skratch could think of was food - so he tried to change his thoughts. "Wabbit, he said nonchalantly. "Is it OK to talk about films?" "Excellent!" said the Wabbit, "please proceed." Skratch thought for a while then his eyes lit up. "Have you seen that film, Breakfast at Tiffany's?" "Skratch, you'll give the game away," hissed the Wabbit. "We're just caterers. They never talk about food." "What do they talk about? said Skratch. "Topical things," said the Wabbit. "OK," said Skratch and thought again. "I know," he said finally. "Did you know yoghurt does weird things to your brain?" The Wabbit scowled and tried to think. "We'll have a quiz. What's Turin famous for?" Skratch was quick as a flash. "Chocolate and coffee," he yelled. The Wabbit sighed. "It's cars, Turin is famous for cars." "Then I've got a question," said Skratch. "What's a new car colour?" The Wabbit shrugged and gave up. "Crème brûlée?" he grinned.

7. The Wabbit obtains More Supplies

Hidden in a bar on the river was the Wabbit's secret armoury. There, Wabsworth - the Wabbit's android double - both gathered information and dispensed weaponry to certain agents from the Department of Wabbit Affairs. "We need more sandwiches with the secret filling," said the Wabbit. "I only just gave you some," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit hopped up and down impatiently. "It was a destructive test," he sighed, "there's none left." "Then I shall expect a signed chit stating the exact circumstances of usage," smirked Wabsworth. "Later!" hissed the Wabbit. Wabsworth leaned back and pulled himself up to his full height. "This is a controlled substance from an old adventure," he explained. "I can't keep supplying it. It's dangerous." "That's why we need it." said Skratch. Wabsworth gave him a stare. "What happened anyway?" he asked. "Gnamskulls consumed it with gusto," said Skratch, "and so we need double-strength filling ingredients." Wabsworth took a number of sandwiches from the bar. "Here are some I made earlier," he said. "And do not, I repeat not let them escape into our environment." The Wabbit seized the sandwiches and carefully examined the filling. "They look just the same," he said. "Never mistake appearance for reality," smiled Wabsworth.

6. The Wabbit goes too Far

 "It worked" shouted Skratch. The Gnamskulls chased and devoured every scrap of sandwich filling, then demolished the suitably stale bread. But now they were hooked. They wanted more of the special sandwich filling and crashed around the supermarket in pursuit. "Back to the laboratory!" said the Wabbit. But he was a little late. The Gnamskull leader sniffed the air and detected the smell of sandwich filling on the Wabbit's paws. With a ghastly slavering noise issuing from his scavenging tubes, he headed straight for the Wabbit and Skratch. "Let's make ourselves scarce," yelled Skratch and took off. "In total short supply," replied the Wabbit, loping towards the exit. But the Gnamskull was faster than they had first imagined - and he bore down on them quickly. They could smell the stale breath from his teeth and started to sprint. "This calls for emergency action," thought the Wabbit, so he felt under his fur. As he rummaged and rummaged for any old piece of forgotten sandwich, an ancient hard crust dropped to the ground. And in the few seconds that the Gnamskull stopped, the Wabbit and Skratch were gone. Outside the supermarket, they slowed to a saunter. "A successful venture," said the Wabbit. "And no-one needs to know more," smiled Skratch.

5. The Wabbit and the Gnamskull Test

The Wabbit and Skratch the Cat lifted the test sandwich they had built in the laboratory, hauled it to the nearest supermarket - and there lay in hiding. They had anticipated a bit of a wait and were about to munch a snack of their own, when they heard something. Their ears pricked and now that they really listened, they were able to make out a variety of sounds. There was slurping, pulverising, liquidising and finally a grumbling that could only be absorption. So the Wabbit risked a glance round the baskets and he saw that all manner of product had disappeared from the shelves. Skratch nudged the Wabbit and nodded. "Now's the time!" The Wabbit peered inside the test sandwich - just to make sure the vital ingredient was in place - and he waved it around so that the Gnamskulls could sense it. Then he glanced round the shelves again. "That looks like the leader, Skratch." Skratch lifted his paw and with a snick of a nail he fired a small morsel of sandwich filling into the supermarket aisle. There was a moment's silence, followed by a slurp. Without warning, loud rumbling, growling and gurgling rent the air. The Wabbit was aware of skittering as the Gnamskulls foraged with their tubes in search of more morsels. "Let the Hunger Games begin," grinned Skratch.

4. The Wabbit in the Sandwich Lab

The Wabbit worked frantically and wouldn't calm down. "Just be still and tell us what happened," said Lapinette. "They took my sandwich!" gasped the Wabbit and that was all he would say. "Who?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit gurgled. "I didn't quite catch who it was, Wabbit," said Skratch the Cat. "The Gnamskulls!" said the Wabbit finally. Lapinette shook her head. "I'm sorry Wabbit, that was my fault. It was just a training exercise, there are no Gnamskulls." "Yes, there are, there are!" ranted the Wabbit. "They attacked me at the market and hoovered my sandwich." "The one you had lying in your fur?" said Lapinette with her paws on her hips. The Wabbit nodded. "Wabbit, it was ancient!" sighed Lapinette. "It's the principle of the thing," said the Wabbit. Skratch the Cat nodded gravely. "I agree with the Wabbit. We can't less this pass." "¡No pasarán!" yelled the Wabbit. "No pasarán for Gnamskulls." Skratch joined in. "If we let them abuse our sandwiches, our fur will be next!" Lapinette looked at them both. "Does either one of you have a plan?" she asked. Skratch started to purr loudly. "I do have a plan," he said. "Does it involve gnamming? asked the Wabbit. Skratch nodded and winked at Lapinette. "Now I'm hungry," said the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Salad Sandwich

The Wabbit fished in his fur for his salad sandwich and finally found it. The lettuce was limp, the carrot was curled and faded. And as for the bread it was hard as a board. But the Wabbit was hungry and his stomach rumbled and he hauled the sandwich out. But he didn't get to take a single bite. Yellow Gnamskulls descended from different directions and the place was awash with foraging tubes. Carrot shavings and lettuce leaves instantly liquidised as they were drawn through the tubes and into the cavernous eye sockets of the Gnamskulls. The Wabbit spluttered. He didn't like being taken by surprise and in his heart of hearts he knew he had plenty of warning. "Leave my sandwich alone, you beasts," he cried. But the Gnamskulls took no notice. He shouted louder and louder, yet the more he shouted, the more they ate until the Wabbit realised they couldn't hear. He found this totally infuriating and shouted more loudly. "I'll grind your bones for glue!" he raged. This had no effect whatsoever and the Gnamskulls continued to eat his sandwich. "I hope it chokes you!" shouted the Wabbit - but he noticed they were suddenly finished. And they all turned to look at him. The Wabbit shrugged and looked back. "Coffee and biscotti?" he asked.

2. The Wabbit & the Market Attraction

The Wabbit wandered through the Porta Palazzo market in a sceptical mood. He hadn't seen any Gnamskulls and he certainly didn't expect to. He mulled the matter over for a while and thought about what the Gnamskulls liked. "If they have a preference for dodgy food, then why would they come to Turin?" he wondered. He hopped between two traders' barrows to the street beyond. It had been a while since the market closed for the day and the Wabbit sniffed the air and twitched his ears. He could hear garbage trucks going about their business, clearing discarded rotten vegetables and other refuse that had suffered in the afternoon sun. "Phew! What a pongy pong poo smell," said the Wabbit and he wrinkled his nose. "All the same," he thought, "Porta Palazzo is very clean today." He looked at the traders' barrows and shook his head. "There's hardly a leaf left over." Despite the smell, the Wabbit rummaged in his fur for the remains of a salad sandwich from lunchtime - and hopped towards the Corso Giulio Cesare. "Nope, I don't think they'll come," he thought.

1. The Wabbit & the Gnamskull Dossier

In a shady viewing theatre on Via Nizza, the Wabbit slipped his information disk into the system and sat back. The theatre was only used at night. But the Wabbit had a special arrangement - so during the day, he could let himself in without a word to a soul. The loudspeakers suddenly barked. "Department of Wabbit Affairs Study Clip, Number 203." "Get to the point," muttered the Wabbit to no-one in particular. "We will now get to the point," said the voice. "This is the only Gnamskull image we have so far. Please study it carefully." "OK, OK," said the Wabbit and he scrutinised the image pixel by pixel. The loudspeakers echoed around the small theatre. "The Gnamskull eats anything. Food and drink in large quantities are drawn through scavenging tubes ..." "In its eyes," muttered the Wabbit. "... in its eyes," said the voice. "I knew all this already," sighed the Wabbit and he began to fidget. The loudspeakers quivered and boomed. "What most don't know is the Gnamskulls' insatiable capacity for dodgy food." "I did so!" muttered the Wabbit. "The Gnamskulls could emerge at any time," said the voice. "Oh yeah!" scoffed the Wabbit. The voice laughed. "Perhaps in this very viewing theatre, Commander." "No-one knows this place," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the Next Adventure

"Why so glum, Wabbit?" said Lapinette. "I'm waiting on my mission papers, but nothing has come up," said the Wabbit and he stuffed his paws in his fur, despite the heat. "You could catch up on your paperwork," suggested Lapinette, watching for the horrified look that would appear on the Wabbit's face. "I've asked Ledger the Accountant to have a go at that," said the Wabbit, calmly, "because apparently, I have to delegate." Lapinette smiled and spread her paws. "I was at the unusual, but not entirely unexpected events committee yesterday." "What does everyone talk about?" asked the Wabbit, brightening. "Usually nothing much," said Lapinette, "but yesterday there was a dossier on the Gnamskulls." "Never heard of them," said the Wabbit, dismissively "You should have," said Lapinette. "They'll eat anything, no matter how awful." "Nothing unusual there," said the Wabbit, thinking of a restaurant he had passed in Via Nizza. "Through their eyes!" said Lapinette. "Ooooh!" gasped the Wabbit. "How enticingly stomach churning." "If you're interested, I'll pass you the papers tomorrow," said Lapinette. "I'll run my eye across them," said the Wabbit.

The 400 Rabbits remember Buddy

The Wabbit addressed the special gathering of the 400 Rabbits to remember one of their number who had fallen. "Rabbits! called the Wabbit. "How many are you?" "We are 400!" came the thunderous reply. "Why are we here today?" said the Wabbit. "To remember the first of the 400," cried the Rabbits in unison. The Wabbit hesitated and looked down at all of the 400 Rabbits. Then his head raised to look at the picture on the screen. "400 Rabbits," asked the Wabbit quietly, "What was his name?" "Buddy," answered the Rabbits. "How shall we remember Buddy?" said Lapinette, hopping forward. "Fondly," murmured the 400. "There can't be another like Buddy," said the Wabbit. "It isn't possible." There was a sad sigh from the gathering. "But we are all different," continued the Wabbit, "and we all have our distinct contribution to make. So each and every one of us will pause for a minute's silence to remember him in our own own special way." Absolute silence reigned in the Big Shed as everything fell still and everyone remembered. And there were so many memories that the minute seemed to turn to an hour. The Wabbit ended the silence with a twitch of a paw and raised his voice. "How many are we now?" he shouted. "400!" came the reply.

The Wabbit's After Adventure Caffè

The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette were enjoying a quiet break when both Skratch the Cat and the former Cardinal Lapin arrived at the same time. "Sua Santità," said Skratch. "I offer you congratulations on your recent appointment." "Ah, Skratch," said Lapin, "I've heard all about you. Now tell me. What kind of adventure was that?" Skratch was jubilant and addressed the Wabbit. "It was a tour de force." The Wabbit raised a questioning eye. Skratch winked at Lapinette. "But deeply flawed!" he added. Now the Wabbit beamed with an astonishing beam. "Best thing you ever said! Refreshments all round!" He turned to Lapin. "So what will you have?" "I usually have a small amaro dei frati," smiled Lapin. "Diesus," called the Wabbit and everyone smiled. Then the Wabbit became serious. "My good friend Lapin, will you exercise a preferential option for the excluded?" "And obtain justice for the animals," said Lapinette." "And help the marginalised and defenceless." said Skratch. Lapin smiled. "It looks like I'd better start now. Anything else for the first week?"
[Diesus: a digestive amaro liqueur made by an order of monks (Amaro dei Frati)]

11. The Wabbit gets there in Time

St  Peter's Square was resplendent with loudspeakers and chairs and the Wabbit looked around. "Looks like we got here just in time for you to give your promotion address," he said. Cardinal Lapin grinned. "Just as well," he said, "this wouldn't be a good one to miss." "What happens to Cardinals when they're promoted?" asked the Wabbit, "more pay?" "Lots of paperwork," said the Cardinal, "but luckily I'll have a private secretary." "I'd like a private secretary," said the Wabbit, thinking of his many lists of things to do. "Wabs, perhaps you should delegate more," said Lapin. "Perhaps I should," replied the Wabbit and tried to think of someone do the job. Then he shook his head because he couldn't think of anyone who would take it. Cardinal Lapin took the Wabbit's paw and smiled. "Perhaps I could slip away occasionally and join your merry band on an adventure." "Your very welcome any time," laughed the Wabbit, "but something's been puzzling me." "Go on," said Cardinal Lapin. "Look Cardy," sighed the Wabbit, "when you were kidnapped by the shadows, why didn't you ask the Almighty to rescue you?"  "Oh I did - and he answered," said the Cardinal. The Wabbit stared at him and Lapin squeezed his paw. "He sent you and a Dragon and a Jet Car."

10. The Wabbit and the Flying Taxis

Suddenly there was swooping. In an instant, both the Wabbit and Cardinal Lapin found themselves plucked from the falling rope and borne high over the prison. Cardinal Lapin's ears fluttered in the wind and he clutched Terni the Dragon's leafy wings. "Didn't I see you somewhere?" he shouted. "Not me," said Terni, "I was just passing." "I've never met an actual dragon before," yelled the Cardinal. "Oh, how splendid," said Terni with relief. "Shall I take you home?" "What time is it?" asked Lapin. "It's usually later than we think," said Terni. "Well, I have rather important business to attend to," said the Cardinal, "and with all that kidnapping, I quite forgot." "I'll ask the Commander," said Terni. Cardinal Lapin looked across at Turbina the Jet Car. He heard a radio crackle and Terni speak. "Can you get more speed Commander? We have important business." "Right away!" said the Wabbit as Turbina shot past Terni to lead the way. "What about the shadows?" he murmured. Turbina laughed. "'Tis nothing but a magic shadow show, play'd in a box who's candle is the sun." The Wabbit laughed too. "Round which we phantom figures come and go?" He pushed Turbina's thrust lever and a supersonic bang rattled every window in the city.

9. The Wabbit and the Big Plunge

The Wabbit and Cardinal Lapin slid down the rope at speed - but not quickly enough. Sinister shuffling gave way to sinister rushing as two shadows appeared and made for the rope. "They’ve got cleavers!" shouted the Cardinal, "and they’ve got cleaving in mind!" "It’s good stout rope. I got it in a ship chandler's store in Civitavecchia," shouted the Wabbit. But the cleavers were razor sharp and they cut halfway through the Wabbit’s rope. He felt it give slightly, so he stuck his paws on the wall and slid. That slowed them down but still they fell. "How high is the wall?" asked Lapin. "Standard prison issue wall," said the Wabbit. "Too high to look over!" "Where do shadows get cleavers?” muttered the Cardinal but there was no time for speculation. A sickening snick from above severed the rope completely and the Wabbit and Cardinal Lapin plunged helplessly down the sheer face of the prison wall. Cardinal Lapin looked up at the Wabbit as they plunged. "Perhaps I should say a prayer," he said. "Oh, I think I can do better than that," said the Wabbit and he put his paw to his mouth and made a piercing whistle. "What was that for?" said Cardinal Lapin. "Taxi!" yelled the Wabbit. 

8. The Wabbit and the Rabbit Rope Trick

The Wabbit hopped closer and closer and just as Cardinal Lapin was about to reach the recreation area, he grabbed him by the arm and propelled him through a window onto the prison roof. The shadows hovered threateningly, but appeared reticent to advance near the low wall that marked the edge of the building. The Wabbit took Cardinal Lapin firmly by his robes and pulled him to the parapet. "I won’t be a second," he murmured. He delved deep in his fur, pulled out a long rope and attached it to a small chimney. Then he threw the rope across the wall. Cardinal Lapin looked over and watched the rope coil down further and further. He turned and stared at the Wabbit. "Who? Me?" he gaped. "It’s a rope trick," said the Wabbit. "The shadows will watch the Cardinal and the rabbit vanish!" "That trick is usually going up, Wabbit. Not plunging down," said the Cardinal. The Wabbit heard the sinister sound again and snatched a glance over his shoulder. "It’s the rope or the shadows!" he yelled. "We’re losing a head start. Over you go!" "There’s supposed to be a secret wire in this trick," fussed Lapin, looking over the edge again. "I don't see the secret wire!" The Wabbit smiled and shrugged. "Secret wire?" he scoffed. "Do you think I’m a charlatan?" And he shoved Cardinal Lapin over the edge and down the rope.