5. The Wabbit makes a Suggestion

The Wabbit was initially surprised when Skratch the Cat Burglar produced a blue disc from his fur. "How did you get it?" asked the Wabbit. "I'm a burglar," said Skratch. "I took it when he was laughing at my jokes." "I wonder what it is?" mused the Wabbit. "What would you do with it?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit replied quickly. "Me? Well, I would push it and pull it and poke it and see if it did anything." "Is that wise?" asked Puma. "You sound like Lapinette," said the Wabbit. "There's a small groove. Maybe I could get a claw in and lever it back," said Skratch enthusiastically. "Good plan," commented the Wabbit and rapidly hopped back. Puma covered his eyes with a single paw and emitted a low growl. "Here goes!" shouted Skratch and he pushed a claw far into the groove. There was a slight crack and a puff of hot gas rose from the disc. "Oh, I say" said Skratch. "Haw haw haw," he laughed. "Haw haw haw." "Oh no," growled Puma. "He's got it now." Skratch bounded up and down and howled with mirth. "I wonder how long it lasts, Puma. We haven't got all day," said the Wabbit, who was wishing he had said nothing. "Just joking," said Skratch and smiled. The Wabbit stamped a heavy hind foot and shook a paw at Skratch. "It's a familiar smell," said Skratch sniffing. "Stings the eyes, smells of ammonia." He paused and looked blankly at the disc. "Cordite," said Puma. "I'll throw it over there then," said Skratch as he launched the disk through the air. And they all dived for cover as a terrific blast showered them with earth and stones.

4. The Wabbit and Business

Skratch guided his mark into a nearby cafe, followed closely by Puma and the Wabbit. "So to business," said Skratch. "Business is business," said the creature and started to laugh. "Haw haw business," he cried. "Haw haw haw." "My associates and I are somewhat interested in your discs," continued Skratch. "How many?" giggled the creature. Skratch hadn't anticipated this turn in conversation and grabbed a number from thin air. "Five," he said nonchalently, glancing round at the Wabbit. The Wabbit jumped up and down frantically and waved his paws upwards. "Five hundred ..." ventured Skratch hesitantly. The Wabbit hissed and waved his paws high above his head. "Five hundred thousand," said Skratch and smiled. The Wabbit cringed and cradled his head in his paws. "What are we going to do with ..." grumbled Puma, "Shush," said the Wabbit. "We'll work something out." "How shall we take delivery?" asked Skratch of the creature. "Haw haw," laughed the creature. "We'll be in touch so where do we haw haw find you?" Skratch glanced over at the Wabbit and the Wabbit glared back and whirled his paws around in circles. "We homies, we hang in the hood," said Skratch." The creature began to shake with laughter and the more he laughed, the more he shook and everything trembled. "Now the joke's on him," murmured the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit lies in Wait

"Hello there my good fellow," said Skratch boldly. "Funny weather for the time of year!" "Haw, haw, haw!" laughed the creature. "Skratch was not put out one bit. "Yes, funny when you think about it," he added. "Haw, haw," cackled the creature, nodding vigourously. "You sound like a chap who would appreciate a funny joke," said Skratch. "Ho he ha haw. Haw haw," laughed the creature. "Well," said Skratch and he drew in a breath. "Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?" The creature looked at Skratch in delight and his eyes went around and around. "Haw, he haw he haw, he haw," he screeched and he fell all around on the path, threshing his arms wildly. "I've not finished," thought Skratch in disgust and glanced at Puma and the Wabbit in the undergrowth. Puma nudged the Wabbit and growled under his breath. "Cheeetahs," he said. "No they're not cheetahs," said the Wabbit quietly. "The joke, Wabbit." said the Puma. The Wabbit looked vague. "Listen Wabbit," said the Puma. "Listen and think. Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?" "I give up," said the Wabbit quickly. "Too many cheetahs," said the Puma. The Wabbit was unmoved and he carefully watched the uncontrollable writhings and listened to the hyena laughter of the strange creature. "Skratch," he hissed. "What?" asked Skratch. "For all our sakes don't tell him the punchline," said the Wabbit.

2.The Wabbit and Covert Surveillance

After a hearty breakfast, the Puma and Skratch led the Wabbit to the river trail. Skratch indicated a suitable spot and they took up position. Then he scratched his head and pointed. "Wabbit, what's that for a sort of creature?" he asked. "They have No Name," said the Wabbit. "But what are they doing here I wonder?" "It's something to do with the blue discs," said the Puma. "They appear to be very happy to get them," commented Skratch. "Shall I pounce?" asked the Puma and he growled, "they won't be so offensively happy then, will they?" "We must be more strategic," said the Wabbit. "We should keep them in place and see what happens." “I have an idea," said Skratch "Out with it, Skratch." whispered the Wabbit. "Let's follow them. It won't be hard because they look none too bright," said Skratch with glee. "What then?" asked the Wabbit. "We take all their stuff," said Skratch. The Wabbit shook his head. "We will follow them to watch where they go with the discs," he said and addressed Skratch directly. "Cut a straggler from the rest of the group and befriend it." "With jokes?" asked Skratch. "If you have good ones," said the Wabbit. "What about me?" said the Puma. "I have something in mind for you," grinned the Wabbit. The three quietly watched the happy band drift off along the river trail and their paws made scarcely a sound as they followed. "A funny thing happened to me on the way to the River," practiced Skratch.

1. The Wabbit and the Strange Occurrence

It was a sunny Monday morning and the Wabbit was waiting when suddenly Skratch hove into sight with Puma in tow. "Who's that woman?" said the Wabbit. "She's not with us," replied Skratch. "Why am I here?" asked the Wabbit. "To discuss a strange occurrence near my residence," said Puma. The Wabbit pondered and asked himself what kind of occurrence would be strange to a Puma. He looked at the two felines for a moment. "Let's get a snack in the pet shop and consider it," he said in a kindly fashion. Skratch the Cat Burglar disappeared into to the pet shop and reappeared directly, bearing snacks. There was a lot of rustling as they all tucked in. "So," said the Wabbit, when the sounds of munching ceased. "The Strange Occurrence." "Down by the river, where I prowl," said the Puma, "there is a routine gathering." "Tuesdays at eleven," said Skratch. "And what is the nature of this gathering?" asked the Wabbit. "People go hither and thither and exchange things in a flurry," said Skratch. "It’s dubious." "Definitely, if you say so Skratch," said the Wabbit. "Then suddenly they’re gone as if they were never there," growled Puma. "I'll meet you here tomorrow at breakfast," sugggested the Wabbit, "and we shall conduct surveillance." "OK," said the Puma. "Do you know that woman hasn't moved? Do you think she's a spy?" "No," said the Wabbit. "You're lying on her feet."

The Wabbit Helps Out

"I know this place," muttered the Wabbit as he trundled with ease into the forest glade behind the abandoned hospital. He hauled on the brakes, gunned the throttle, cut the engine, and jumped out. "The Wabbit can speak Puma," said Ghost Bunny. "He took an evening class," said Lapinette. "That's the man, that's him," growled the Puma. "What man?" asked the Wabbit. "The one who put me in a cage. Him. Let me at him," spat the Puma "I'll give that insolent fellow what he's been asking for!" The Wabbit looked round at a cowering figure in the forestry wagon. "Oh him," said the Wabbit. "He's on my list." "Your list?" said Lapinette. "The Wabbit has a very long list," whispered Ghost Bunny. "I'll bet," said Lapinette. "What is to be done?" asked the Wabbit of the Puma. "Grrrrr," growled the Puma. "Do you have a pistol?" "It's in my other coat," said the Wabbit," "I will use my bare paws," said the Puma. "I have a better idea," said the Wabbit. "We will send him on a course." Lapinette looked at the Wabbit and put her paws on her hips. The Wabbit looked back innocently. Then he grinned a most sinister grin with all of his 28 teeth. ""Accommodating Diversity 101," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit has Company

Whatever button the Wabbit pushed, it propelled the vehicle down the Via Nizza at a considerable pace. So the Wabbit settled in. He had fun on the interchange at Carducci, swung left over the railway line and headed across the city. The Wabbit noticed people scatter in his path. "This is the way to travel," said the Wabbit and he gave the Manitou more throttle. He had just reached Corso Svizzera when he heard a wailing sound behind him. "Oh no, I've got company," sighed the Wabbit looking at a police car in his mirror. He suddenly threw the Manitou into the tram lane. "I'll lose him at the junction," thought the Wabbit, "if I can just get in front of that tram." The Wabbit swung in and out but so did the police car. Then he swerved around three cars, a motorbike and a strange three-wheeler that he had never seen before. But the police car got closer and closer until finally it managed to pull alongside. The two vehicles locked together and they travelled quickly together for some time until the Wabbit realised that the policemen were shouting something. "Commander Wabbit, Commander Wabbit!" He could just hear the words above the roar of his engine. The Wabbit glanced down at the police car. "We're your escort," shouted a policeman. "This will cost me several lunches," grimaced the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the Manitou Handler

The Wabbit wasn't so far away from Ghost Bunny and Lapinette and he was indeed on his way to a market for an unobtainable music album. But to his immense pleasure he had noticed an emergency vehicle exhibition. They were just setting up, so the Wabbit felt free to hop around. He hopped and poked and poked and hopped, but his eyes were inexorably drawn to an interesting piece of equipment. "Oh what's this?" thought the Wabbit and hopped up on a telescopic handler. "Most serviceable and pretty too," murmured the Wabbit. He squinted through the window and was assessing the levers and buttons when he heard his communication device squeal. "Hello," said the Wabbit cautiously, pretending he wasn't really there. "Oh it’s you Lap. Yes. Yes." There was a longish pause while the Wabbit listened. "I can. Yes I have a vehicle." Lapinette's urgent voice trilled from the phone. "Of course I have permission. Oh all right, I'll ask." The Wabbit looked all around and he could see no one. "May I borrow the vehicle?" bellowed the Wabbit. "I won't be a tick." Answer came there none, so the Wabbit squeezed inside and looked at the dashboard. "The phone squealed again and the Wabbit answered. "Yes I have. Yes. Buttons. Yes. I will take care." The Wabbit terminated the call and looked at the buttons. "Two red, two green, two black," he mused."I'll start with that red one."

The Wabbit Said

Ghost Bunny performed a daring exhibition swoop and hovered down beside the outstretched arms of Lapinette. "Have you finally decided to hang around at the abandoned hospital?" asked Lapinette. "Yes," said Ghost Bunny. "Isn't it dull?" Lapinette questioned. "The Wabbit says it's cool," said Ghost Bunny. "The Wabbit would," Lapinette retorted. "Where is he anyway?" asked Ghost Bunny. "He's probably hopping a market, looking for some unobtainable music album," sighed Lapinette "I could find it immediately," said Ghost Bunny. "No fun," murmured Lapinette. There was a very long pause and there seemed to be no sound from anywhere. "You're sure it's not too quiet," asked Lapinette suddenly. "No, sometimes builders come to removate the building and I haunt them mercilessly," said Ghost Bunny. "I retune their radio to a station the Wabbit likes." "Oh really," said Lapinette. "They complained there was a ghost," said Ghost Bunny. "There was," retorted Lapinette." "Well, now they're getting double pay every time they come," said Ghost Bunny with triumph. "The Wabbit said they would." she added. "The Wabbit says a lot of things," said Lapinette. There was another silence. "Won't you miss Pluto?" said Lapinette. "It's all about location," said Ghost Bunny. "Who told you that?" queried Lapinette. "The Wabbit," said Ghost Bunny.

The Wabbit Proposes A Toast

The four were impatiently waiting on dinner and the Wabbit rose to propose a toast. Lapinette rapped on the table for attention and implored Ghost Bunny to stop haunting the tourists. "You've changed your fur," said the Big Blue Snail. "I have," said the Wabbit. "Where do you get a new coat of fur?" asked the Snail. "I go to Clari's of Winchester," said the Wabbit proudly. "That's a long way to go for fur," said the Snail and he snorted. "Every single time, he orders a new set of special fur compartments for hoarding," sighed Lapinette. "It's not hoarding, it's a creative storage solution," said the Wabbit and he smiled a sinister smile. "Ghost Bunny, will you please stop frightening the diners," shouted Lapinette. "Oh, it's my signature haunt too," sulked Ghost Bunny and fluttered. "Fellow Wabbits," began the Wabbit formally. "I'm not a Wabbit!" said the Snail. "... and Gastropods," continued the Wabbit. "Congratulations on a mission well accomplished. The Skuttles are locked away and the good people of Piemonte can sleep peacefully tonight." "Who has the doubtful pleasure of holding the the Skuttles?" enquired Lapinette. "InterWab," said the Wabbit and made a face. Lapinette grimaced and shook her ears. "They couldn't hold a carrrot," said Lapinette.

The Wabbit: Once upon a Time in Piemonte

The Snail stoppped nibbling his grapes and cleared his throat. "I believe," he said ponderously, "that it is the custom at this juncture to enquire what kind of adventure that was." "We usually leave that for the after-adventure dinner," said Lapinette. "Nom nom," said the Snail with glee. "It was a Spaghetti Western," said Ghost Bunny. Everyone turned to look at her. "Woooh woo woooooo," she moaned in an Ennio Morricone fashion. This met with blank faces and Ghost Bunny realised she was getting nowhere. "My Name is Nobody," she added and fluttered up and down. "No it's not," said the Wabbit with a straight face. "High Plains Ghost Bunny?" asked Lapinette. "The Good the Bad and the Snuggly," said the Wabbit, brushing his fur and looking at Lapinette. "The Ruthless Four," said the Snail. There was a general murmuring of approval and mutual congratulation. "What next?" said Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit lifted his harmonica, tapped it against his a paw and said, "Wabbit with a Harmonica." He lifted the harmonica to his lips once more and let forth a drawn out wail that moaned its way across the fields and ruffled the crops. Then he let out another one much longer than the first. Everyone's fur stood on end except for the Big Blue Snail who had none. "We needed a soundtrack," said the Wabbit.

The Pied Wabbit of Casorzo

It was a plan that the Wabbit thought might just work. He rummaged in his fur for something he hadn't used in a while. Eventually he found his ageing harmonica and he blew a little dust from the mouthpiece and raised it to his lips. The harmonica wailed long and plaintively then set up a slow blues pace while the Wabbit's powerful rear leg beat a tough rhythm on the tanker that the Skuttles couldn't ignore. They jolted around and made straight for the wine tanker and their legs flailed in drunkenness. "Oh we've got some wine, you can have some too," sang the Wabbit." "Woo hoo," trilled Lapinette, "Woo hoo," echoed Ghost Bunny." The Wabbit's harmonica cried and moaned as the Skuttles rushed straight past him in a frenzy. "We've got more in the tanker and it's all for you," sang the Wabbit. "For you," chirped Lapinette. "So true!" sang the Big Blue Snail melodically in the distance. The Skuttles swerved and squeezed into the tanker, making strange slurping and booming sounds. The more wine they drank the more room there was for Skuttles. And when the last Skuttle went inside the Wabbit slammed the hatch shut and locked it. Then he rapped a short rhythm on the tank with his paws. Lapinette turned to the Wabbit and smiled. The Wabbit smiled back. "Never give a Skuttle an even break," said the Wabbit.