7. The Wabbit and the Dragon Ride

"Let's get them!" The Dragon scooped the Wabbit and Lapinette up and with a flapping of wings, took off. They could just be seen far above the rooftops until they vanished into the clouds. Lapinette clung on for all she was worth and the Wabbit did the same. The Dragon bellowed as he went. "Get them! Rend them! Chew them!" The Wabbit tried to see, but all was obscured by the dark cloud that hung over the landscape. He could only hear the steady tick-tock flap of the Dragon's wings. Lapinette screwed up her eyes and tried to peer down but had no luck. She yelled to the Wabbit. "See anything?" The Wabbit heard her voice and called back. "Not a sausage. Hang on." He activated his supersonic glasses. Now he could make out the boulders of the Ice Mice fort. Tiny figures moved around. "We're heading for the fort. But we're high." The Dragon swooped round on a wing tip. The Wabbit felt a wave of nausea and switched back to normal vision. "I'm not sure how far. Close I think." Wind rushed past his ears, but it slowed. Then they rode the thermals together until the ground levelled beneath them. The garrison came into view. Fire snarled from the Dragon's mouth and belched round the fort. Smoke poured from inside. Ice Mice scurried for cover. Saucers took off at speed. The Wabbit grinned. "First round to us, I think." Lapinette stared at the glowering sky. "How many rounds are we playing?"

6. The Wabbit and the Dragon's City

The Wabbit swung round as the sky darkened. He heard the roar first. It moved rooftops. Steeples shook and bells tolled. He saw a creature rise, dark against a piebald sky. Wings flapped slowly and each flap brought a beat like a tom-tom drum. The Dragon gazed down. "I'm awe inspiring," it roared. The Wabbit looked at Lapinette and she returned his gaze. She swivelled and stared at the Dragon. She shrugged. "Awe inspiring? Yes. We can't think of anything better." The Dragon was astonished. "You're supposed to be terrified." The Wabbit grunted. "We're seldom terrified." "Bemused, maybe," said Lapinette. The Wabbit agreed. He nodded. "Wryly amused, baffled." The Dragon spat a driblet of fire. "Oh," he said. His wings drooped. The Wabbit smiled. "But maybe you could clear something up?" The Dragon brightened considerably at being asked his opinion. "Who are the creatures in the flying saucers?" The dragon hissed. "Awful fellows. They bring impossible new colours without a by your leave, changing the environment, redwashing as they go." "Breadwashing!" misheard the Wabbit. Lapinette tapped him on the back. "No Wabbit. Unclear and misleading green environmental claims." "I knew this was about the environment," chuckled the Wabbit. "It is the Ice Mice! Misleading us by changing colours." The dragon looked puzzled. "Who are these Ice Mice of whom you speak?" It was Lapinette who took her turn to hiss. "You'll know them when you see them." 

[Dragon by Annette Pendlebury  Pixabay]

5. The Wabbit and the All-out Attack

Lapinette and the Wabbit tracked the source of the trouble using Artificial Intelligence - and a fat lot of good it did them. Despite changing colour. the Old Abandoned Fort had been captured. The Wabbits were spotted immediately, and all hell broke loose. "Incoming!" yelled the Wabbit. "Take cover!" shouted Lapinette. Three saucers rose from behind the hill and delivered as much fire as the Wabbit had ever taken. "Just like the old days?" gasped the Wabbit. "Not quite!" said Lapinette. "They look like old and venerable friends the Ice Mice," said the Wabbit. "But they're not the friendly enemies we once knew," said Lapinette. "Big trouble," groaned the Wabbit. "Woe and tribulation," responded Lapinette. She ducked as what looked like an asteroid flew past her head. "That was no asteroid!" shouted Lapinette, "that was an exploderoid!" There was crump to the left and another to the right. Following the explosions, an orange-red colour remained, unlike any colour that could be explained. "Same tactics as the Ice Mice use," observed the Wabbit. "With more fire power, more sophistication," said Lapinette. Three detonations boomed to the rear. It appeared to signal the end of the attack but the Wabbit and Lapinette took no chances and hunkered down. "I don't think they're firing at us." Lapinette shrugged. "Then who?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette pointed a pointy paw. "No," gasped the Wabbit ...

[ Meteor and trail: GingerMarie12. Pixabay https://pixabay.com/illustrations/meteor-falling-star-asteroid-cosmos-6406580/]

4. The Wabbit and the Colour from Space

Lovely Lapinette and the Wabbit responded to a call from Pallazzo Madama in the centre of town. There had been odd sightings. More than odd, some said. They headed to the third floor and Lapinette stood in front of a shaded window. Nothing happened for some time. Then it did. The sighting was an asteroid and it exploded over the rooftops. It vanished. But it showered roofs with tiny particles - or so it appeared. "Did you see it?" Lapinette was fascinated. "I certainly did." The Wabbit was grumpy. "So what the binky was that?" Lapinette said it was an asteroid, but the Wabbit wasn't so sure. "It's an exploderoid," he said firmly. "No such thing," laughed Lapinette. The Wabbit looked grumpily around at the display stands. He didn't like ornate whatnots. "These ornate whatnots seemed to have turned black." "I think they're meant to be black," said Lapinette. "Are they?" said the Wabbit in surprise. "They're very old and valuable," responded Lapinette, "and belonged to the duchy of somewhere important." "That's not important right now," said the Wabbit. "Where is our exploderoid from? I think it's responsible for all the recent incidents." Lapinette thought for a minute. "Did you note the strange colour, not quite red?" The Wabbit thrust his paws in his fur. "I did, it was nothing I've seen before." "Not even in a cocktail," murmured Lapinette.

3. The Wabbit and the Tram Accident

The Wabbit and Lapinette headed home. But on the way a tram came off the rails. Normally that would be fine and fixable, but it was an awkward corner. The tram careered towards them and one of the carriages fell over with a thunderous smash, barely missing the Wabbit. The Wabbit picked himself up from the grass and helped Lapinette to extricate her kilt from the wreckage. She brushed herself down, adjusted her kilt and heaved a sigh. "That was no accident." The Wabbit checked for driver and passengers. "It's entirely on its own," he murmured. "Aimed at us," added Lapinette. The Wabbit stomped the length of the tram and back. "It's something to do with that fire yesterday. I can't tell how it's connected but it is." Lapinette knelt bedside the tram and sniffed underneath. "Doesn't smell like a tram. No electrical odours, no braking sand." "Watch out!" yelled the Wabbit. The tram lurched to the side. Lapinette jumped out of the way. The wreckage began to break into tiny pieces. Finally there was little left. Lapinette sifted metal filings until they too vanished. She turned to look at the Wabbit, "Curiouser and curiouser!" The Wabbit grinned. "Looks like a mystery for the Wabbit and Lapinette." Lapinette pirouetted and adopted a Nancy Drew accent. "I think we should take a walk in the fresh air and clear the cobwebs from our brains. The Wabbit grunted. "More than just cobwebs!"

2. The Wabbit and the Fire Without Heat

The Wabbit received a crackly call on his walkie talkie. The Department was anxious for him to confirm, and he set off immediately. He spoke to no-one in particular. "I think it's that mission Wabsworth was on about." Wabsworth's voice chimed in. "The second one - and you should really terminate group calls properly." The Wabbit growled "Out," and shoved the radio in his back pocket. When he arrived, Lapinette was already investigating. The fire had ravaged a pub, but things appeared strange. "Oh. You got here at last." She didn't turn her head. The Wabbit scrambled on top of the borrowed fire truck. "I hope you got a chit for this." Lapinette's voice was cool. "In your filing cabinet, under "e". "For expenses?" asked the Wabbit. "For expedite this immediately," replied Lapinette. The Wabbit paused for a moment. "Isn't that ember hot?" he asked. "That's the funny thing," mused Lapinette. "This was a raging fire this morning, but none of the ashes are remotely warm." She waved a paw through the flames. Nothing happened. "As cold as death's chill hand." The Wabbit shuddered. "I prefer cold as a dead rabbit's nose." "Now that's creepy!" Lapinette smiled and looked worried at the same time. She pointed into the distance. Similar heaps of embers lay scattered. "It appears to be spreading." "And all of them as chilly as the moon?" grinned the Wabbit. Lapinette grunted. "Chillier."

1. The Wabbit and the Electronics Store

The Wabbit bumped into Wabsworth, his android double, outside the electronics store. "Are you on special offer?" joked Wabsworth. "Very funny," replied the Wabbit. He couldn't help noticing Wabsworth's new tattoo, just at the corner of his eye. "New tat?" he countered. "They're all the rage," laughed Wabsworth. "I can fade it out and back at the touch of an internal sensor. The tattoo became invisible and reappeared. "Doesn't that defeat the purpose of permanence?" observed the Wabbit. Wabsworth selected his polychromatic programme. His tattoo flashed then switched off. "I get bored," he shrugged. The Wabbit's shoulders shook with mirth. "Any word from the Department?" Wabsworth guffawed. "You can have a choice of missions. A dull one with plenty of social and environmental meaning." He paused. The Wabbit's ears fluttered. "I've already sorted my stinky rubbish and been to the bottle bank." "Or you can choose a colourful mission with little or no social merit." The Wabbits ears rotated wildly. "The second one sounds good to me. Join us?" Wabsworth flashed his tattoo. "If you can't join them, beat them." The Wabbit laughed. "Your comedy subroutine is improving." Wabsworth leaned back. "I had a lot of fun with that." The Wabbit grimaced. "Let's go into the store. There might be gadgets." Wabsworth grinned and spread his paws. "I don't like the sound of it. Too much negative feedback." Then they laughed and laughed and laughed!

The Wabbit's famed Adventure Caffè

The team advanced on a new Adventure Caffè, which hadn't even been built yet. The Wabbit insisted that the Museo Nazionale di Risorgimento should have one and there was plenty of room. He'd picked out a suitable location and they were on their way to scout it out. Lapinette was so glad to see the Wabbit again, she threw herself at him, paws outstretched. The Wabbit maintained a stoic smile as was his way. Wabsworth showed obvious delight with the exhibition on the future of Torino and traced his paw along the calligraphy of various old adverts. A faint buzzing indicated he was storing them on his vast memory banks. What he intended to do with all the stuff he collected no-one knew, but his memory was huge and that didn't seem to matter. "Retrieval is everything," he murmured. Skratch was considering what kind of adventure the Wabbit just had. "Your ability to ingest or even engulf genres is amazing, Wabbit." The Wabbit smile was almost annoying. "It's a hybrid phenomenon of my own invention." Lapinette snorted. "High art and the Wabbit?" Wabsworth laughed and traced round an area in the display. "You set the paintings free through their own plasticity." Skratch agreed. "They left their boundaries behind." The Wabbit began to hop. Lapinette joined him. Soon they all hopped. "Are we free due to our own plasticity?" asked Lapinette. She rose gently and descended. The Wabbit stopped hopping. One by one they all became still. A dramatic hush fell. "We're certainly free of a drink until we build the new Caffè," whispered the Wabbit.

5. The Wabbit and Popular Opinion

The Wabbit shook his head and in conjunction with Tuccia, he thought of an idea. He'd canvass the viewers opinions. He borrowed a clipboard and did exactly that. He left Caravaggio's painting with an astronaut he'd just met and persuaded him to reframe and remount the painting. Then he allowed visitors to file past. In total he spoke with 180 visitors. The results were fascinating. Four people thought the astronaut was Caravaggio. Around half were convinced the Caravaggio painting was a fake but were unable to say why. Some eighty visitors held that the painting was indeed the original, pointing to the detail and fine brushwork. Two visitors had seen other versions in various countries, but liked this one better. One visitor thought that this was a fine copy using scan technology. All the same, he made a bid of several million for it. One was unhappy about his children seeing it and covered their eyes with a brochure. Another eight preferred the picture of the Wabbit but despite enquiries, couldn't find it. The Wabbit promised everyone the final results, but knew that although they were interesting, they were unsatisfactory. "Needs more research," he said. The astronaut nodded. "The last exhibit got a prosecco." "Coming up," grinned the Wabbit - and he called the bar. 

4. The Wabbit and Tuccia in the Window

"What are you up to Wabbit?" The Wabbit was fed up with waiting and took himself around the gallery. He was passing a famous sculpture that the Wabbit always called The Woman in the Window, but she was really known as Tuccia. "Nothing!" said the Wabbit cheerfully. "I've been watching you, Wabbit and you're definitely up to something." The Wabbit came clean. "I've been commissioned by the museum to see if visitors really know what they're talking about." Tuccia inclined her head. "Not many then." The Wabbit grinned. "I myself became a work of art in the process." "You think you're Ripley," said Tuccia. "From Alien?" questioned the Wabbit. "From Patricia Highsmith," smiled Tuccia. "As you well know, Wabbit." The Wabbit stuck his paws in his fur and shrugged. Now they heard voices from afar and the Wabbit went tense. "Are they looking for my image?" Tuccia listened. "Yes, and they're coming this way." They both froze. "Here he is," said an onlooker. "It's a moving exhibit. It's a miracle!" The Wabbit groaned. "I heard him," they yelled, "I heard him!" The onlookers were shouting with wild abandon. "Have some decorum," frowned Tuccia. "She speaks too," yelled the crowd, "A double miracle." The Wabbit was fed up. He addressed the gathering. "A miracle is primarily a Christian concept. But you can make us an offering." Tuccia laughed. "Go to the bar and get two glasses of prosecco." 

3. The Wabbit becomes the Picture

The Wabbit's fur could hold many things. But when he took out the object out, it became the original size. He struggled a bit, but he was in the right room and no-one was about. He offered the painting up then slapped a paw to his head. It was back to front. With a bit of effort, he righted it then attached the fixings. Finally, it was on the wall. He stood back. It looked as if it had always been there. Someone was coming so he turned to look at a different painting. An attendant passed it by as if it had always been there and disappeared into another room. "Phew," gasped the Wabbit. Then more people arrived and gathered around. They looked the painting up and down and discussed its merits. Then one saw him. The Wabbit froze flat against a wall. "Early depiction of a wabbit," said the viewer. "Late sixteenth or early seventeenth century," nodded another. "Just look at the brushwork." The studied him for a while. "The work of one of Caravaggio's students?" suggested another. "Lovely blues, just look at the pigment," said yet another. They gazed for a while. "Let's view the others and come back" said the first. They moved on. The Wabbit saw his chance and crept quietly away. The viewers returned but the wabbit had gone. "It's been stolen," they gasped, "raise the alarm." A frenzy broke out, but the Wabbit was far off in the cafeteria, sipping a Prosecco and chuckling. But his plan was far from complete ... 

2. The Wabbit and the Stolen Painting

The Wabbit made a sudden dash for the door and down the stairs. He was too fast for the waiter. Tucked under his arm, the painting threatened to escape, but the Wabbit secured it and carried on. He could hear cries behind him but ignored them. He scurried round the entrance and back into the museum. A handy corner afforded him a hiding place. Museum staff came and went. He could hear them as they searched for a missing painting. "Where is it?" shouted an irate attendant. "It's Just Stop Oil up to one of their idiot pranks," shouted another. There was confusion. There was yelling. There was consternation. The Wabbit smiled and shrank further into the corner. "I'm an international art thief," he grinned. Sirens wailed outside. "I seem to have caused an incident," thought the Wabbit. He activated a switch under his fur and all but vanished. Voices became louder. "What's been stolen?" asked a policeman. "We're looking for it," said an attendant. "Looking for what?" said the policeman." The attendant shrugged. "We don't know, we just know it's missing." The policeman rocked back and forward on his heels. "What's it called?" The attendant shrugged. The Curator loomed into sight. "Nothing's missing. The entire museum has been searched. Nothing has gone at all." The Wabbit grinned. His plan was going well.  

1. The Wabbit and the Quick Hop Through

The Wabbit was having a hop through the Palazzo Barberini Museum. It was full of fantastic old pictures which he fully appreciated - so he'd told no-one otherwise his friends would give him chapter and verse. He especially liked Judith beheading Holofernes by Caravaggio - which he found a little horrific. "Theatrically lit," he murmured. Then he smiled. He found his way to the museum caffè, which was quite a grand affair. He looked up. "Solar panels?" he mused. "Most intriguing." He mentally placed the museum on his private list, then called for a prosecco. "Subito, Commander," said a waiter and indicated a seat. "No-one is supposed to know I'm here," said the Wabbit. "I won't tell a soul," replied the waiter. The Wabbit sat down. He felt peckish. "Do you have a salad club sandwich?" he asked. "Best in town," said the waiter. The sandwich was huge. He devoured it with gusto and beckoned for the waiter to return. "Did Caravaggio like sandwiches?" "Oh yes," replied the waiter, "especially artichoke panini." The Wabbit indicated he would like one. "It's called a Caravaggio Club," said the waiter. He brought one and another glass of prosecco. He paused. "Commander, about that painting poking out of your fur?" "My goodness," said the Wabbit. "I thought something was uncomfortable."

The Wabbit's Adventure Caffè

The gang was on its way to one of the many Caffès in the shopping centre. Lapinette was in a good mood, and she bounded into the Wabbit's paws. "What was that for a sort of adventure?" she shouted. The Wabbit was in good humour too. "It was a mythical adventure, full of mystery." Lapinette was full of beans, and she yelled, "Our stories are the principle conduit of mythology today." Skratch meaowed long and hard. "That's a synoptic historical generalisation if ever there was one." Wabsworth laughed. "Symbolic?" "Skratch paused. "No, synoptic." The Wabbit looked cynical. "Are you referring to the gospels." Skratch was nonplussed. "I mean it as pulling things together into a common point of view." "Mathew, Mark, Luke and John," said Lapinette. "Haud the cuddy 'til ah get on," added the Wabbit. "Wabsworth giggled. "That was synoptic." Skratch considered. "I think I know what you mean. Herzog said we have no adequate images." Lapinette laughed again. "Warner Herzog ate his shoe." "Les Blanc was being disingenuous," said Skratch, "The production of your images, the Kelpie, demands new images. Otherwise extinction will occur, and the Kelpie will bring it." Lapinette's mouth fell open. The Wabbit interjected. "If I don't get a drink in a minute, we'll all be extinguished."

6. The Wabbit and up ride with the Kelpie

The Wabbit was returning home by boat and he thought it was all over. Kelpies were gone - as were Nessie and the Agents of the Wabbit. He congratulated himself on a job well done. He thought he'd continue down the Tiber as far as it went. But without warning one of the Kelpies appeared in ghostly form. It shimmered in a mist of its own making. "Want to ride on my back, Commander?" The Wabbit knew better and shook his head. But he smiled. "You were a good opponent, Kelpie. Now go back to the watery depths." The Kelpie shook his giant mane and sprayed water across the Wabbit. "You haven't seen the last of us. We can bide our time." The Wabbit grinned. "Bide on then." The Kelpie began to sink to the bottom of the lake until only small bubbles remained. But then he spotted turbulence and heard a groan and a whinny. The Wabbit knew the mythical creatures would return. He started to think. If he could make an alliance with the Agents of Rabit it could be the start of something bigger. The engines changed note and the boat increased speed. Soon he would be home. He leaned on the rail and sang a sea shanty - although he knew no seafarer in their right mind would sing one in these modern times. "Say goodbye to all your dear kin, for they hate to see you go. In your young prime to this place of mine. In the still loch far below."

[Up ride with the kelpie]