4. The Wabbit and the Artificial Sneeze

They were outside the cinema with the Mask clinging all the tighter as the Wabbit scrabbled under his fur for the article. It was a flask full of sneezing powder left over from Hallowe'en, and he held it under the Mask's nose. It only took a second before it did its work. The Wabbit sneezed with such violence that the flask flew in the air. Lapinette was looking for the Wabbit. He was supposed to meet her in EUR but never turned up. She came round the corner just as the Mask shot from the Wabbit's face. "Watch out Lapinette," gasped the Wabbit, "Don't let it near your face." But the Mask was well on its way. With an enormous leer, it headed directly for Lapinette. She stuck out her paws to stop him, but the Mask kept coming, "Get off you beastly thing," she shouted. "He's a trickster!" sneezed the Wabbit. He grabbed it by the ears and twisted. "Yow," shouted the Mask. It looked back. This was Lapinette's opportunity. She gripped his nose and screwed it to the right, then pulled it to the left. It let out a painful cry and suddenly it had hollow eyes no longer. They filled with malice. It rose - and descended on Lapinette. It only took a moment before Lapinette was wearing the Mask. "What are you going to do now, Wabbit?" grimaced the Mask. The Wabbit was horrified because being inside the Mask and under its control was no joke. He saw her trying to shake it off - to no avail. "I'm going to dismember you before I kill you," shouted the Wabbit. He lunged at the Mask ...

3. The Wabbit and the Cinematic Smile

The Wabbit clawed at the Mask. He was no longer in the church but in a cinema. Or so he thought. "Ha ha ha," laughed the Mask. The Wabbit's lips moved but he was no longer in control of them. He tried to get the Mask away from his face, but nothing worked. It was stuck like a ghastly shadow. "I know you evil spirits - and you are one, Wabbit." The Wabbit said the words although he wanted to say something else entirely. But the Wabbit knew one thing. The Mask could read his thoughts. "I'm not the evil spirit you think," he thought, "I'm not even an Agent of Rabit." Three was a terrible cackle and the Wabbit realised he was the one who made it. "Perhaps I'm not the trickster you think I am," said the Mask, "Perhaps I'm a normal law-abiding citizen." The Wabbit hopped round and round the cinema. "Get out of my face, you monster!" he thought. The only response was a guffaw and the Wabbit's lips curved into a demonic smile. The Mask was in control of his face and mouth - but it wasn't in control of his arms. He rummaged under his fur for something useful. Everything he came across was useless. There was a pistol, a can opener and there was the lighter that started the whole business. Nothing useful. Until his paw came across a slim tube. The Wabbit smiled inwardly and tried not to think. It was something almost forgotten that he'd been saving since last Hallowe'en ...

2. The Wabbit and the Mask in the Dome

No sooner had the Wabbit lit the candle, than the vast ceiling filled with golden light. He felt disembodied. Every part of his body became flat. He was being drawn upwards towards the dome. It was a steady ascent. His legs tingled. He peered into the light. He could make out two eyes, a nose and then a giant face. It was an impish face with impish ears and a devilish grin that split the face in two. The Wabbit blinked. It's more of a mask he thought. "Yes, Wabbit. I'm all mask." The voice filled the dome with echoing laughter. "It knows my name," thought the Wabbit. "I know everything," laughed the Mask, "because I'm Phoenician." The mask darted here and there around the dome. Occasionally it giggled. The Wabbit thought he may as well ask a question. "What are you doing here? This a Christian Church." The mask floated in front of him. "Plenty of evil spirits here. I frighten them away." The Wabbit tried to twist out of his flat shape. The mask made a frightening face. "Good for you. I don't suppose you could put me down?" said the Wabbit. He squirmed round so he could see the floor. The mask released its grip - and showered in gold particles, they both floated down. "Shall we play a game? asked the mask. Suddenly he jumped and the Wabbit was wearing the mask ... 

[Mask by Camilla Galli da Bino]

1. The Wabbit and the Holy Temple

The Wabbit was out for a constitutional hop in EUR. He wondered why it was called constitutional. "I suppose it's good for the health," thought the Wabbit. He scampered down the steps at the side glancing back to look at the dome. St Peter and St Paul aren't in," he mused to himself. "Package from Amazon," he intoned in Latin. He snickered. A voice from the heavens boomed out. "Leave it with the Most Holy Concierge." The Wabbit was amused, but he looked back, then thought perhaps he should go inside. He retraced his steps and hopped to the door. It was big - but it was closed. The Wabbit leaned against it. Nothing. He gave it a surreptitious kick. Nothing. Then he realised that the door opened the other way. Feeling foolish, he pulled and went through. The Basilica was light and airy. He looked up to the massive dome. Golden light flooded down. He looked all round. Chapels on the right and chapels on the left. Chapels everywhere. The Wabbit sat down on a handy pew to take the weight off his feet. He thought about a prayer, but he wasn't in the habit of praying. He got up to light a candle and fished in his fur for a lighter. But the only lighter he had with him bore the inscription, "Flanagan's Pub, Cork. Where drinking problems continue." He shrugged - and flicked it into life. Then he lit a candle and sat back ...

The Wabbit's famous Adventure Caffè

They met at the Ape Bar being one of the Wabbit's favourites. Lapinette waited patiently for the Wabbit to point out the wall plaque of a bee - which he invariably did. Everyone nodded gravely. "It was a popular heraldic device in 15th Century Italy," said Wabsworth. "Don't you start. The Wabbit's bad enough," exclaimed Lapinette. "Here's Skratch now!" said the Wabbit, "with an inappropriate t-shirt."  Skratch meaowed. "I thought she was quite fetching." "I mean the period," said the Wabbit. "Neolithic is ten thousand years BC, not a million." Skratch merely shrugged. "So what was that for a sort of adventure, you just had." Wabsworth clapped. "Semioticians can't dig up the ground." Lapinette laughed. "But they can be drawn." Skratch laughed. "The picture is undoubtedly a sign." The Wabbit was drawn to comment. "Drawings in caves are signs just like our advertisements." Wabsworth agreed. "Yet the standing stones and also the circles are iconic signs. Your giant himself is quite a sign, however much he tries to be a signifier." Lapinette was getting thirsty. She drew herself up and looked towards the bar. A waitress appeared with a tray. "I think they know what we want." The Wabbit laughed and laughed. "I ordered it already."

8. The Wabbit and the Great Hoisting

Lapinette manoeuvred down near the Fontana del Giglio and jumped out. The Wabbit welcomed her but she had no time for all that. She attached the giant to ropes and began to hoist him up. "Can't I stay?" said Bes, "this seems most pleasant." Lapinette shook her head "No, I have a much better place in mind. It has a lake and it's less touristy." She radioed to Wabsworth, and he guided the ropes. "Who's flying the helichopper?" asked the Wabbit. "No-one," snapped Lapinette, "it flies itself." The Wabbit shrugged and turned his attention to the Agent of Rabit. The Agent was trying to slope off whilst no one was looking. "Hoi," shouted the Wabbit. "You caused all this trouble, where do you think you're going?" The Agent looked back. Nothing to do with me. The box acquired me, not the other way round." The Wabbit shrugged. "Fair enough. Be off with you then." He thought for a moment. "Where is that mechanism. Where's the box?" Far out in the lake he heard splashing. Ducks flew from right to left and back. He saw bubbles. He nodded to himself. "It must have hitched a ride on the helichopper." For a second, he saw the actual box come to the surface. He thought he heard a laugh. It was more of a giggle. Then felt wind and heard roaring. He looked up see the helichopper disappear. He waved. Then hop by hop he continued his walk.

7. Lapinette on the Trail of the Wabbit

Lapinette's helichopper headed for the Wabbit's last coordinates but Wabsworth had an idea. Lapinette wheeled back to the park and set down where Wabsworth indicated. Wabsworth radioed for the Wabbit and he answered - but he wasn't where he said he was. At least, he couldn't see him. He looked behind him. Lapinette waved her paws up and down. "There, there!" He swivelled and bent down to pick up the box, then drew back. "You told me that box was dangerous, and it certainly is. It's emitting bursts of unusual radiation." Lapinette pulled back on the cyclic and the helichopper rose. Wabsworth moved to a respectable distance. He was still in communication with the Wabbit. "You've been exposed to danger. You might be invisible." The radio crackled. "Well I can see you," said the Wabbit, "so I think we're a tad out of phase." "We?" queried Wabsworth. "Just get us back in phase, Wabsworth. That's me, one giant, one Agent of Rabit." Wabsworth executed an infrequently used programme and waited until completion. "Commander, you are required to move to the following coordinates. We will meet you there." He signalled to Lapinette and jumped back in the helichopper. He indicated the coordinates. Lapinette began a short, skilful, and methodical journey - then set down in an impossible location. "Now I can see him," she said, "but he has unusual pals." Wabsworth grinned. "He's the Wabbit."

6. The Wabbit and the Sticky Mechanism

The Giant Bes took the Wabbit up the road a bit and there they spotted the Agent of Rabit. He didn't see them coming. The Wabbit noticed the Agent had recovered the mechanism from the lake - or maybe it had recovered the Agent. "What's that?" whispered Bes. "It's a mechanism that collects things for a magic box." replied the Wabbit. The Giant's shoulders heaved in helpless mirth. His eyes became red suns. "Can't collect me, hee hee." The Wabbit grimaced. "You'd be surprised." They both looked at the Agent. "Is he stuck?" said Bes. The Wabbit poked out a paw and tapped the Agent on the arm. The Agent startled awake and turned. When he saw the Wabbit and the Giant, he looked aghast. He gasped. "It's only resting." The Wabbit shrugged. "It never ever rests." The Agent shook his head. "You can have it. Here!" But the mechanism was stuck to his paw. He tried to shake it off, yet he more he shook the more it fastened its grip. "Give it to me," said Bes. He made a fist to squash the mechanism - but only succeeded in smashing the Agent's paw. "Yow," cried the Agent. "Don't be a baby," said Bes. He managed to get his thumbs around the keys - and suddenly they turned. "Oh, oh," muttered the Wabbit. It was as if a curtain descended because the scene changed. They were all in the Villa Pamphili Park in Rome. And he could hear the thudding of a helicopter. It was moving away from them and towards the sea. He groaned and slapped a paw to his forehead ...

5. The Wabbit and Bes, the Giant

The Wabbit woke from a deep slumber to find himself in a pleasant dell. Behind him was an ancient stone building. But in front of him was a giant - and he too was made entirely of stone. He shouted at the Wabbit. "What are you doing in my domain? You tourists are nothing but trouble! Be gone!" The Wabbit rocked back on his rabbit toes and smiled. "I'm no tourist." He stretched out a paw to greet the giant. He noticed his paw was glowing. He improvised. "By my glowing paw shalt thou know me." The Giant touched the Wabbit's paw. "I hear that brings good luck." The Wabbit looked around. "Only when it's detached. Is that your house?" The giant shook his enormous head. "My house is far from here. I tried to take the bus, but they wouldn't let me board." The Wabbit giggled. "That wasn't fair!" "They said no pets allowed." It was then that the Wabbit noticed the Giant was clutching a snake. "Is that your snake?" The giant roared with laughter. "He tells me jokes." The Wabbit was on familiar territory. "He can weigh himself you know." The giant looked quizzical. "He has his own scales." "Ha, ha. I like you," said the giant, He paused. "I'm Bes, what's your name?" "I'm the Wabbit," said the Wabbit.  He thought for a minute. "Tell me. Have you seen any odd looking rabbits round here?" Bes snorted. "I did, I saw one back up the road." The Wabbit grunted. "Take me there?"

4. The Wabbit and the Stones in the Forest

The Wabbit emerged from a hole in a forest into what looked like a passageway. "It's just the way the light falls at twilight," he reasoned. Surrounded by ancient stones, he tottered from side to side like a drunken wheelbarrow. He clutched at his radio and to his surprise it crackled. "Come in Wabbit, come in." It was Lapinette's voice, but she was strangely distorted. "Wabbit, copy. Wabbit here." It was all he could manage. "Wabbit, I'm at the place in the park you mentioned. Where are you?" The Wabbit looked all round and tried to get his bearings. "Forest," he said. Lapinette grunted. "That narrows it down." The Wabbit pulled himself together. "I came out from a hole in the middle of standing stones - and the evening sun is lighting my path." Lapinette thought that sounded poetic, but it really didn't help. "Can you see anything else?" The Wabbit employed his special blue glasses. He felt something pushing him sideways, then back. "I can see big stones all standing up in a long line." The radio crackled again. "I'll look it up. Stay where you are and don't move. Out." The radio fell silent. A breeze sprang up. Trees swayed in the wind and made a whispering sound that soothed him. Leaves rustled at his feet and turned over. The stones and the hole he'd emerged from appeared to rock back and forth. The Wabbit was lulled. He felt very, very tired and lay down by the stones. Then he fell fast asleep. 

3. The Wabbit of the Lake

The Wabbit just had time to make a connection with Lapinette when the radio crackled, and an enormous force pulled him into the water. He lost grip of his radio. All he could see was bubbles. Tangles of reeds swept across his face. He gulped and held his breath. Things became clearer. He wasn't alone. He could see the old mechanism from inside the box floating in front of him. A giant turtle was pushing it along. He blinked. There was another creature - a smaller turtle. It scraped the outside of his glasses and mouthed something. The Wabbit couldn't believe it could speak under water, but he heard it. "Commander Wabbit, Commander Wabbit." The Wabbit could only think - but somehow his thoughts reached out to the turtle "What the binky is going on?"  The turtle flapped his flippers. "We're trapped by the mechanism from the box. You met the box before." The Wabbit looked quizzical. "It collects things for the box," said the turtle, " We're just acquisitions." The Wabbit floated around and retrieved his radio. "So what's with the water?" thought the Wabbit. "It's a projection," said the turtle, "It's part of our thoughts. But it's real enough." The Wabbit's brain thought he could hear his radio crackling. It was Lapinette. "Come in Commander." The Wabbit shrugged as best he could and thought, "Wabbit receiving." Lapinette sounded far away. "You sound as if you're under water." The Wabbit thought as loud he could but it only came out as blub blub blub. "On our way," said Lapinette.

2. The Wabbit on the Bridge

The Agent's skip was enormous but the Wabbit gritted his teeth and carried on. A bridge over an ornamental lake loomed and the Agent made his way across. It was a large lake and had equally large turtles swimming there. The Agent paused and looked over the side. Now the Wabbit could see what he had in his paw. The thing that the Agent picked up in the market was a mechanism from the interior of a magic box. The Wabbit had discovered the box in Turin, and he knew it was trouble. It wasn't dangerous. At least he didn't think so. But he'd thrown the box in the River Po and thought that was the end to the matter. As the box sank, he'd heard it say, "I'll be back and I'll get you, Wabbit." The Wabbit chased on. The Agent gazed at the water. Then he lifted the object. "No!" thought the Wabbit. "Not the water." The Agent's paw drew back. He'd had second thoughts. But the key in the mechanism began to turn. Startled, the Agent dropped the mechanism onto the wooden boards - and then he kicked it far out into the water. The Wabbit saw a turtle heading for it. A threshing ensued, then the turtle snatched the mechanism. The lake swirled into a whirlpool, and it grabbed both the turtle and the mechanism. Then the vortex sucked them into a maelstrom. The Agent watched with open-mouthed horror and began to skip away. The Wabbit didn't know whether to chase the mechanism or the Agent, but both had vanished. He dug in his fur for his radio to call Lapinette.

1. The Wabbit and Market Chaos

The Wabbit was doing one of the things he liked best. He was carrying out surveillance. He was near a market somewhere and could never quite recall what it was called. He just remembered the name was far too long. He'd been searching for an unobtainable item when an Agent of Rabit passed. This was unusual. It was the Wabbit's territory, and they never came near. He sidled round a corner to watch. The Agent passed as if he was in a daze. His eyes were red, and the pupils resembled cones. The Wabbit grimaced. Agents didn't look great anyway and the ghastly eyes made things worse. The Wabbit glanced round a corner. The market was chaotic, and its graffiti was lurid as could be. So the Agent blended in like a bad trip. The Wabbit was puzzled. "Now what are you up to?" he murmured to himself. The Agent stopped. So did the Wabbit. The Agent looked from side to side. Having decided he was unobserved, he picked something up from the back of a market stall and sauntered on his way. He hummed through clenched teeth and began to skip. Before long he was out of the market and halfway towards the big park. It was a fast skip, and he could cover quite a distance at a single lope. The Wabbit couldn't both keep up and remain unobserved. He broke cover and bounded after him. His adversary noticed and moved into the park at enormous speed. Then he seemed to shimmer and vanish. "He's gone into Villa Pamphili!" groaned the Wabbit. "I'll never find him."

The Wabbit goes to his Adventure Caffè

The Wabbit was feeling jolly by the sea. Little did he know his team was following him. He jumped on and off the wall in merriment and glee. Lapinette was right behind him and so was everyone else. It was the day of the Artichoke Festival and they all felt full of beans. "Wabbit!" shouted Skratch. He was right at the back. "What was that for a sort of Adventure?" The Wabbit didn't move a hair of fur. He continued perambulating. But Lapinette could see there was a twitch of his ears. "Tell us O Great One, what adventure did you have on your own?" Wabsworth leaned in. "Tell us or we won't buy you a Prosecco!" Now the Wabbit looked back and smiled. "It was a cult phantasy concerning Nazis and Rats," he exclaimed. "Come, come, Wabbit," meaowed Skratch, "It was an attempt to engage with seriality." Lapinette bounced on and off the wall. "It was almost an extension of trans-medial narratology." Wabsworth scoffed. "It wasn't that innovative. You were a modern Arthurian knight, playing with the moral values of a time long gone." The Wabbit smiled. "Time has passed me by?" Everyone shouted, "And so shall we!" They all laughed. Skratch meaowed again. "What of this Spritz with fried artichokes?" The Wabbit rocked with mirth. "Fritto, fritto fritto!" Wabsworth looked at the sign. "It's a good price." Lapinette shook her head. "Thirteen euro inclusive? I've seen better." The Wabbit shrugged and put on a Sean Connery voice. "Itsh on the she front. Time for a shellabration!"

10. The Wabbit Makes an Exit

With no more explosives left, the Wabbit jumped back in the jeep. Grey Rat throttled up and headed for the far off-chink of light at the end of the tunnel. Black rats converged from either side and ran beside the jeep in an unholy rodent escort. Gates loomed ahead. The Wabbit thought they looked sturdy but Grey Rat had the bit between his teeth. He pushed the accelerator to the bare metal of the floor. The jeep surged forward. The Wabbit braced for impact but the padlocks securing the doors were old and rusty. They disintegrated easily and the doors shot outwards. Behind them, explosions went off on by one. The tunnel collapsed. Bunkers, missiles and radioactive mines were buried in a heap of concrete rubble. And so were the Nazis. The Wabbit and Grey Rat hit the ground rolling. The jeep ran on for a bit, then wheezed to a halt. Black rats spread out happily across the mountainside and were gone. "Good driving, Grey Rat," said the Wabbit. They watched as steam curled from the Jeep's radiator. "It requires an overhaul," said Grey Rat. The Wabbit thought it needed more than that. "What about these Nazis?" said Grey Rat. The Wabbit pondered for a bit. "They'll have to content themselves with throwing bricks." "Ah yes," said Grey Rat, "and the others will stand and shout Boom!"