3. The Wabbit and The Lion of Judah

Lapinette and the Wabbit landed to look at the ears, but they were in for several surprises. In a bleak windswept place, there was a lion and a deep cave. The cave was shaped like a lion and looked like it might swallow anyone who entered. A lion with flashing eyes stood guard outside the cave. "I am the Lion of Judah," said the Lion, "And this is my cave, in which I keep the seven seals." The Wabbit gently touched the lion's tail and pointed to the ears. "What about the ears?" The Lion turned and glared at the Wabbit. "These are the ears of the strange creatures who haunt me. I munch them off that they may not hear the coming." Lapinette hopped back. "That's harsh but fair," she said. "Yes, said the Lion, "and they're rather savoury." Lapinette shuddered, but the Wabbit was already thinking about recruiting him. "Would you consider a side mission?" The Lion of Judah shook his head so much his crown was in danger of falling off. "But you retreat before nothing," said the Wabbit. "You're right," nodded the Lion. "Then I propose you come with us," said the Wabbit, "We'll get these Sons of Satan together." "The Agents are the Sons of Satan?" queried Lapinette. "I promoted them," replied the Wabbit. The Lion looked around. "What about my Lion's cave?" The Wabbit fished for his radio. "I'll place an armed guard on it. No-one will get the seals." The radio crackled as the Wabbit issued orders to his 400 Rabbits. "Here comes the King," muttered the Lion.

2. The Wabbit and the Noisy Pick up

The Wabbit didn't really know Lapinette was on her way, but he figured it out. Anyway he could hear the engines of Susan the Biplane coming for a long way off. He climbed to the top of a tower and jumped onto Susan's wing. "We keep doing this," smiled Lapinette. "We must like it," replied the Wabbit. "When you've quite finished," said Susan, I'd appreciate directions." The Wabbit clambered aboard. "Just fly round and keep a look out for the Agents of Rabit. You can tell them by their ears." Susan banked steeply and circled. Her engines roared. "I didn't say make them deaf," said the Wabbit. It was a pleasant day. The sky was blue. The odd cloud scuffed across the it. "Nice spot," said Lapinette. The Wabbit grinned. "Plenty of nice spots round here." They sped across the horizon. "What are you expecting?" said Lapinette. The Wabbit wrinkled his nose. "I heard word that they planned a surprise attack." Susan's engine growled. "They always surprise us at Christmas!" The Wabbit shrugged. "They're creatures of habit." He looked down. "I saw one there." Lapinette looked too. "No it's just a pair of hedge clippers." Susan dived towards the object. "You can't be too careful." Lapinette laughed. "Why beat about the bush?" As they got closer, the hedge clippers swam into focus. They could see they weren't clippers but pairs of detached ears. Lots of them. "Ear ear," said the Wabbit. Susan's engines growled again. "I'd better land before there are any more bad jokes." "Don't worry," said the Wabbit, "they can't hear us."

1. The Wabbit and his Christmas Orders

The Wabbit ambled through a village in Vescia. He liked it there because it was abandoned and there was a story he'd heard from locals. Years before and weakened by earthquakes, the village started to crumble and collapse. Yet the people who lived there refused to leave - despite much encouragement and inducements. So the authorities took an unusual decision. They decided to bomb the village. The Wabbit imagined planes coming in and he shook as he visualised bomb doors opening to deliver the payload. He shook his head. He would have used his fabulous Wabtech engineering to fashion a support structure. Then he thought of the cost. He plucked his radio from his fur. "Wabbit to base, come in Lapinette." The radio crackled for rather longer than expected. "Lapinette. Receiving you loud and clear. What's your 20?" The Wabbit grinned. "I'm somewhere in Vescia." He liked to be mysterious. The radio hissed again. "Do bring back some nice cheese." The Wabbit grinned again. "Wilco. I'm really calling to instruct the team to head to Rome." Lapinette's laughter tingled across the ether. "They're already here, Wabbit." The Wabbit grunted. "Including your personal guard?" "Tipsy is exploring new stores," replied Lapinette. The Wabbit knew exactly the shop Tipsy was exploring. "The World of Drink?" The radio hissed and crackled. The Wabbit spoke again. "I hear the Agents of Rabit have a paw hold here, but I've seen neither hide nor hare of them." Lapinette had little tolerance for the Wabbit's bad jokes. Her shrug was audible, even over the radio. "Lapinette out." 

The Wabbit and St Andrews Day.

Lapinette saw the Wabbit standing by the lighthouse gate, and she jumped in the air and touched him with her paws. He looked wistful so she tried to cheer him up. "Come on Wabbit, it's St Andrews." The Wabbits were in Galloway for the occasion and somehow especially in Galloway the vote never went right. "I'm pining for my country," said the Wabbit. "Oh," said Lapinette, "They'll come to their senses soon." The Wabbit shrugged. For two pins he would rally all the rabbits at his disposal and march on London at that very moment. Lapinette knew what he was thinking. "That wouldn't be wise, Wabbit. It's not how things are done at the minute." The Wabbit grunted. Lapinette laughed. "Look, I got you a bottle of Laphroaig." The Wabbit cheered up immediately. It was his favourite whisky. "There's haggis and all sorts," she grinned. "Is there shortbread?" The Wabbit wanted a bit of comfort. She paused. "Yes, there is. And there's plenty of time for worrying about votes but not now." The Wabbit was definitely cheered. "There's Helensburgh tablet too. I made it myself." Lapinette pirouetted. "Isn't your Uncle the Chief of Galloway?" The Wabbit made a face. "Aye he is. He's quite old and maybe he's even dead." Just then, he heard a distant cry. "I'm no deid yet! Not by a long shot." The Wabbit started to laugh. "Come away in tae the body of the kirk, Uncle Chief." The Chief's voice got closer. "Wabbit, is that yer wee wifie?" Lapinette stifled a giggle and shouted back. "No sae wee as ye think."

The Wabbit at his Adventure Caffè

The team assembled at the designated Adventure Caffè. Rain was just starting - umbrella sellers had already hit the streets. The Caffè was in the shopping district where Wabsworth had been buying shoes and he plonked them on the table. The Wabbit barely glanced at them but he made a comment. "I didn't know you liked shoes, Wabsworth." Wabsworth was an android copy of the Wabbit, but he had his own opinions on shopping. "It's cyber-Monday. I got 50 per cent off loafers." Lapinette grinned. "I gave Wabsworth my card. I'm a Super Friend of Geox." The Wabbit shrugged. Whatever Monday it was, he knew that commercially, it may as well never have happened. "There's Skratch," pointed Lapinette. Skratch emerged from the Caffè and waved. "What was that for a sort of Adventure you just had?" They all considered. "It was a kind of children's story," said Wabsworth. "But what kind of a children's story?" responded Lapinette. "It was a colour story," meaowed Skratch, "Colour is a semiotic induction. It engages with the unconscious to perform the labour of imagining." The Wabbit chipped in here. "I think my Adventure story tasted pink." Skratch meaowed hard and long. "It was pink all over." Lapinette shook with laughter. "Are you referring to semiotic metaphor?" Skratch laughed. "I might have been. But the overall tone and appeal was definitely pink. So it was a dual sign, picture-story event." Lapinette looked pensive. "Hmm. The sign is generative and generates another system of signs which also functions as a sign." The Wabbit sighed and called for the waiter. "I need a strong pink drink."

6. The Wabbit and the Medieval Print

The Wabbit was as good as his word. He searched out a suitable space for a copy shop and installed the printer. Before long, pink paper was flying from the output tray. The cartridge came out to inspect his new location. "This is a medieval castle," he exclaimed, "and it's quite pink." The Printer rumbled in the background. "How did you find this place?" The Wabbit explained. "Oh, I was one one of these bus tours and we all had to file round. I had a quiet word with the owners. Now you're obliged to print their promotional leaflets." The cartridge was ecstatic. "As long as they're pink!" The Wabbit swivelled to take in the scene - and noticed two pink chairs. "They do seem to like pink." The cartridge pointed to the pink paper. "We wanted to give you a special present. It will take a while to get your image perfectly pink." The Wabbit looked at the paper and smiled. Every page had his picture, in which he was completely pink. "I'm flattered," said the Wabbit. "I'm going to tweak it again," said the cartridge, "Where would you like them delivered?" The Wabbit grinned. "I'm going back home. Just address them to The Wabbit, Rome." The Printer rumbled again. "They'll be a few days. We got rather a large order for wedding invitations." The Wabbit waved and made to lope off. He felt a warm glow and turned. "I'm feeling in the pink," he said. "So don't forget to visit," said the Printer. "Don't worry, I'll be back," smiled the Wabbit, "to pick up my commission." Then they laughed and laughed and laughed.

5. The Wabbit and the Bid for Freedom

The print cartridge took off straight out the door. The Wabbit followed. The cartridge was fast and the Wabbit had to use his special powers to keep. They sped through town and country. Everything was a blur, until they reached a small medieval town. It was entirely lit in pink which delighted the cartridge. "Pink pink pink," it yelled, "This must be home." The cartridge slowed down and so did the Wabbit. The Printer came to a juddering stop. The cartridge danced round and round. "I'm home, I'm home. This is the place I want to be." The Printer looked around. "I'm very surprised that - I rather like this place." The Wabbit gasped for breath but he was pleased a solution was in sight. "I'm certain we can find you a billet. Every town needs a print shop." The cartridge was overjoyed. The Printer seemed pleased. There was lovely fresh air, and everything was quiet. "Peace and quiet to print books," said the Printer, "Just what I always wanted." "I can pink them up," said the cartridge. "Pink Panther," suggested the Wabbit. "The Adventures of Mr Pink-Whistle," murmured the Printer. "Pretty in Pink," yelled the cartridge. The Wabbit held up a paw. "We've just got to find you a premises. Then you can print anything you want. People will flock." The Printer opened his ink compartment and with a single leap, the cartridge jumped in. "It's a little late but we'll find something," stated the Wabbit. Then in high spirits, they wandered through the streets of the small medieval town.
 

4. The Wabbit and the Angry Printer

The Wabbit had seen angry customers before but nothing like the furious printer. He came storming into the shop like the antichrist. His cover waved wildly. Shelves shook and shop produce shivered in fright. He yelled and shouted and ranted and raved. "I am the Printer!" He let fly a series of swear words that would have astonished the Ancient Mariner. "I am the one who knocks!" he yelled. The Wabbit's ears curled, and he couldn't help but step back. So he used his best powers of diplomacy. "How can I help you?" he asked, "I can see you're a little annoyed." The Printer shook with rage. His lid slammed up and down. "Get my print cartridge!" The Wabbit smiled his most diplomatic smile. "He's otherwise engaged but if you give him a second, he'll be with you." The Printer looked at the Wabbit in disgust. "And you are?" The Wabbit smiled again. "I am your most obedient servant." He nodded. Then he nodded again for good measure and waited. "What's my cartridge doing?" asked the Printer. He seemed to have calmed. "Sampling pink drinks," explained the Wabbit. "Pink drinks again," said the Printer. He sighed. "I knew it. He's not content with simple cartridge ink." The Wabbit's ears returned to normal. "If you'd wait a second. He's a little indisposed." "Drunk you mean." "A bit unsteady," replied the Wabbit. "He's got a big job coming up," groaned the Printer. "War and Peace,", suggested the Wabbit. "War and Peach," responded the Printer. "Peachy," grinned the Wabbit. "Wait outside and I'll get him for you. I'm sure I can cake peach." "Make peace," you mean." said the Printer. "No," laughed the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Shop on the Corner

The Wabbit and the print cartridge made their way to the place the Wabbit had identified through an intensive advertising campaign on the Internet. "I see this is aimed at foreigners," said the Wabbit. He wrinkled his nose, then saw his favourite sauces and gasped. The cartridge was delighted to find pink wine. "I see pink," he yelled, "I want that one and that one and that one!" The cartridge was agitated and in danger of knocking things to the floor. "Settle down now," said the Wabbit. "There's a bar at the back and you can choose one and drink it there." The cartridge couldn't wait. He deftly uncorked wine bottle after wine bottle and sucked up the contents. "Slur slurp slurp, Pink pink pink!" His cartridges filled with wine and bulged alarmingly. He demolished several bottles with speed and reached for more. The Wabbit was horrified and reached in his fur for his credit card - which he seldom used. "Savour the wine," he called. "Take only small sips." But the print cartridge got rounder and larger. Finally it stopped, burped and sprayed jets of pink wine across the shop. Despite himself the Wabbit started to laugh. He held his sides and hooted. "You're drunk!" he said. "I shertainly shnott," slobbered the cartridge. The Wabbit turned to take in a disturbance at the door where something was ranting and raving. "Give me back my ink cartridge. I'm the printer and I'm late with an urgent job. Give me it at once!" The commotion continued. "If you'll excuse me for a minute, I'll just go and take a look," said the Wabbit. He wiped ink from his face and hopped towards the entrance. 

2. The Wabbit and Something Pink

The Wabbit and the print cartridge continued their journey, when night fell as suddenly as a stack of cards. Everything took on a different hue. Car headlights carved through the evening air. Shop windows growled at the street. They passed a delicatessen. The print cartridge turned into a blur. It was true that he was mostly pink, andhis colours blended with security stickers at the side of windows. "Pink, pink, pink," cried the cartridge. The Wabbit ignored him. He stared at the assembled food, particularly the cheeses. He was fond of a bit of cheese and his mouth watered and his tummy rumbled. The cartridge zoomed around. "I like this window, it's mostly pink." The Wabbit was thinking of a salad sandwich with mostly cheese. "But you can't eat pink," he observed. "Yes, you can," replied the cartridge. "There's rhubarb, grapes, radicchio, loganberries ... all sorts." The Wabbit thought of a few himself - mainly in self-defence. "Taramasalata, beetroot ... and pink oyster mushrooms." Told you so," said the cartridge. The Wabbit shrugged and continued with beverages. "Rose wines of all sorts, Pink Prosecco." He was now in the spirit of things and smiled. "Perhaps I could entertain you with a glass of something pink." The cartridge stopped zooming around. "Sounds nice. Maybe I could spice up my pink ink." The Wabbit steered the cartridge round the corner to a small bar he'd seen advertised on the internet. "That will be just pleasantly pinkalicious."

1. The Wabbit and the King of Rome

The Wabbit sauntered along, feeling benign. He'd set off on a jaunt to see where he'd end up, and he smiled in a satisfied manner as he emerged from the Re di Roma Metro Station. The Wabbit liked the name and Appio Latino was a district he didn't know well. He hummed a tune he knew from a detective series on TV. "Tum te tum te tum ta. Da da da deh deh." For a minute he imagined he was the detective Rocco Schiavone and briefly shivered in a town in the Alps. Then he chuckled. The junction seemed to be a warm pink. "Pink Corner," he thought. He looked from right to left. The graffiti wasn't interesting, but he noticed a single word. He thought that maybe the artist was disturbed and only managed to write 'The'. He speculated. What was he going to say? "The colour pink," said a voice. A flash of rainbow colours took his attention. "Ink is pink," said the voice. A print cartridge floated from the printers on the corner. The colours shimmered in front of the Wabbit. He wrinkled his nose in amusement. "The King is pink," added the cartridge. The Wabbit noticed that the cartridge was composed of many colours, but decided not to mention it. "Everything is pink," said the cartridge. "I think you're seeing through pink tinted spectacles." laughed the Wabbit, "Various shades of pink even." The cartridge seemed to nod. "Well, Kant never said that," said the Wabbit. "Did I mention Kant?" said the cartridge. Then it turned, indicating that the Wabbit should accompany him. Since he wasn't doing anything else, the Wabbit followed him up the street.

The Wabbit and his Adventure Caffè

The team wandered through Testaccio Market in search of a Caffè. Lapinette was overjoyed and jumped in the air as she liked to do. "Here we are in Testaccio!" she exclaimed, "I must go and look at ladies' clothes." The Wabbit grinned. "We've got to to go to a Caffè first," he said. "I think ladies' clothes can wait." Wabsworth brought up the rear. "Did you get that delightful tartan frock here?" Lapinette shook her head. "No that was up in Via di San Silverio," Skratch looked dubious. "When are renovations finished?" "In the Year of the Ass," shrugged the Wabbit. "Not like good old Testaccio!" grumbled Wabsworth. "I liked the old Testaccio market," meaowed Skratch. The Wabbit shook his head. "Do you want to ask the question, Skratch? Or Lapinette will never get to that shop." Wabsworth asked it. "What was that for a sort of Adventure you just had?" Skratch let out a terrific meaow that made everyone jump. "It was a kind of folk tale and as such didn't have to make much sense." Lapinette jumped even higher. "That's right, it wasn't genre as such. The transpositions in location served to challenge our overall awareness of time and space." Wabsworth chuckled. "Castaneda would have agreed. You assembled in other worlds." Skratch purred. "Jumping off the roof. Now that was a tour de force." Then Lapinette laughed. "We kept our awareness too." The Wabbit doubled up. "We were kindled with knowledge. And so we knew the quickest way to the bar!" Wabsworth chuckled too. "Let's burn from within. I'll have an Aperol spritz."

[Year of the Ass: Said to be an old Chinese Joke. There is no year of the Ass]

5. The Wabbit and the Rooftop Nature

Lapinette and the Wabbit found themselves scrabbling on the edge of the rooftops. They were staring at the Buddha from the Box Camera. Lapinette had the Box Camera with her, but she couldn't recall picking it up. The Wabbit scowled and clambered onto the roof. "What gives?" he said. "The Roof is on the Rabbits," said the Buddha. "If you like," responded the Wabbit, "but why are we here?" The Buddha shimmered. "It's in the nature of things." The Wabbit thought he preferred the Buddha when he was in the box. But he was respectful. "Why are you here?" he asked. The Buddha replied. "That is the Buddha Nature." The Wabbit felt like the most junior of monks. Lapinette chimed in. "Where do you feel most comfortable?" The Buddhist replied. "I am outside the Box Camera." Lapinette considered. "Where is the Box Camera most comfortable?" The Wabbit decided not to get involved. "Outside me," said the Buddha. The Wabbit was confused but wouldn't say so. "Where does that leave us?" he said. "Back where we started?" replied Lapinette. The Buddha blinked and vanished. A muffled sound came from inside the inside the Box Camera. The Wabbit was baffled. "What do we do now?" Lapinette answered quickly. "We wait for a satori moment." The Wabbit shrugged. "Could be a while." Lapinette smiled. "Let's jump!" The Wabbit looked down. It was a long way, but he grabbed her paw and they both jumped off the roof. For a second, they were surrounded by a clear green light. Then they were in the museum - and both box and Buddha had gone. "Was that a satori moment?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit shook his head and shrugged. "No," he replied, "It was a Carlos Castaneda moment." 

The Wabbit and the Hallowe'en Horsemen

The team hadn't forgotten about the annual Hallowe'en Party. By special arrangement they'd obtained permission to hold it - near midnight - at the Royal Palace. They wandered through the armoury. "This looks like a good place," said the Wabbit. "Neigh," whinnied a horse.  "Did you hear a horse neigh?" asked Lapinette. "Neigh," whinnied another horse. They looked to right and left. They heard the clatter of ghostly hooves. Two horses carrying two armoured soldiers were suddenly upon them. Blood spattered from their nostrils every time they snorted. The Wabbit wiped blood from his forehead. "This makes a change." he shrugged, "It's usually the Bunnyman." The mounted soldiers gave hollow laughs - hollower than fallen echoes across an abyss. They snickered as one. "Ha ha ha ha hah! We are the horsed guard of the Bunnymen, come to torment you at Hallowe'en." Skratch half sneered, half grimaced. "The Bunnyman always has an axe." Lapinette concurred. "Yes, devilish ones. Show us your axe." A ghostly axe materialised from thin air, sharper than the ravens cry. It chopped once and gore sprayed across Wabsworth. It chopped again and splattered Skratch in the eye. Skratch got annoyed. "Who are you to advance on us with vague similes?" The horses reared. Wabsworth and Skratch cowered in fright. The Wabbit grinned and pressed a hidden switch in his fur. "How do like my full scale models?" It was nearly midnight. The riders and their steeds failed to stop. One horse gave the Wabbit's ears a vicious bite. "Yikes!" yelled the Wabbit. Lapinette, Wabsworth and Skratch all laughed and laughed. "How do you like ours?"

4. The Wabbit and Lapinette's Assistance

Lapinette was helping the museum with an ancient mosaic when the Wabbit hopped in. "Mind where you tread, Wabbit!" she yelled. "This is very old." The Wabbit wrinkled his nose. "So is this." He held up the box camera which continued to smoke. Lapinette put down a piece of mosaic and looked up. Behind the Wabbit was a strange shape. "There!" said Lapinette. "There, where?" responded the Wabbit. He looked straight at Lapinette. "At your back," she groaned. The Wabbit half turned. The vapours had turned into a genie of sorts. Or so the Wabbit figured. "A genie. It looks like the Buddha." The figure grinned. A quavering voice began. "I can take many forms." Lapinette stood now, with paws on hips. "He's not the Buddha." The mist shivered and the figure became more solid. "Only the cats know," he uttered. The Wabbit shrugged. "I should have brought Skratch. He knows all sorts." Lapinette brushed fragments of mosaic from her knees. "What if I sweep the dust and see the Buddha?" The Wabbit caught on. "The Buddha has no country. Where can you see him?" Lapinette was quick. "The Wabbit is one hundred steps ahead of me." The Wabbit shrugged again. "Then I must brandish my sword." The shape cleared and its voice shook the museum. "No need Wabbit, I'm rumbled." Lapinette sat down. "Maybe he is the Buddha." The Wabbit turned around so he could see him. "Why were you inside a camera?" The figure smiled. "Who put me there?" Lapinette smiled too. "Perhaps he didn't answer a koan." The Buddha shook his head. "Maybe he did answer it." 

[Loosely adapted from Kassan brandishes the sword.]