1. The Wabbit and a Busman's Holiday

The Wabbit stood and breathed in sea air. He was on holiday and was on the dock of the bay as he called it, watching ships arrive and depart. This was the Dublin Great South Wall, a very long sea wall that extends from the Liffey into the Irish Sea. It was a brisk 4-kilometre hop to the Poolbeg Lighthouse, and he was on his way back when he thought he'd pause for a breather. The Wabbit was sceptical about holidays, because every time he took one, it turned into an adventure. It was a fine day, if a little chilly. Waves sparkled and gulls cawed. He leaned against the Water Polo Club wall, just beside a lifebelt, and wondered whether he'd ever enjoy a holiday. His ears pricked up. He could hear a familiar ship's foghorn - one that didn't belong to any container ship. "It's Jenny," he smiled. He dug in his fur for his walkie talkie, tuned it to the appropriate frequency and yelled. "Commander Wabbit, calling Captain Jenny. Commander Wabbit calling the Lepus." The radio crackled and Jenny answered. "No need to bellow, Commander. I can hear you without the radio." The Wabbit was delighted. "Where are you?" Jenny's voice had a pirate laugh in it. "Behind you." The Wabbit turned and gasped. "That was stealthy!" The Lepus was a retrofitted, armed ferry and she rolled and yawed on the Liffey swell. "Stealth is our middle name, Commander," crackled Jenny. The Wabbit waited for more. "The Department sent me and here I am," said Jenny. "Something's afoot," murmured the Wabbit. He saluted the ensign and shouted again, "Permission to come aboard, Captain."

The Wabbit at his Adventure Caffè

The team met at the Safe House and prepared for a hearty meal. Skratch arrived late as usual. He brought Marshall Duetta Spyder with him and she hung from the roof, hunting moths. The Wabbit heard loud crunching but ignored it. "Well," meaowed Skratch, "I'm here to tell you what kind of adventure you just had!" Lapinette rattled the plates with vigour. "Please go ahead, Skratch." Skratch leaned back and grinned. "It was a mystical adventure, thin in narrative, yet rich in spiritual consolation." Duetta crunched a moth down like a potato chip. "Clouds represent a desire for freedom." She rustled her legs. Lapinette flinched at the sound of the moth being digested. Wabsworth shook his head and launched his own explanation. "The narrative to which you refer is but a code of multiple enigmas. The reader receives this only as so much unimportant detail. It appears gratuitously natural." "That's Barthes," said Lapinette. She reached out to grab food, but it was fruit. She quickly put it back. "That's Barthes as interpreted by Julia Lesage," grinned the Wabbit, "As long as the reader is swept along by pseudo-psychological connections, they will be rewarded with the voice of truth - and that is why it's mystical." Skratch purred. "The connections arise from the semic code, mobilised through images. They constitute the key emotional sub code and the main units of connotation." The Wabbit rattled the plates and crashed them together. "I'm contributing my own seme - noise. Decode that!" Lapinette laughed and laughed. "We're hungry! Where's the food?"
[Julia Lesage: S/Z and the Rules of the Game in Movies and Methods Volume 2. UCP Press, London, 1985]

8. The Wabbit and the Cloud Aftermath

Susan the Biplane dropped them off and they were glad to be back. Out on the Big Bridge the team hopped and talked. The city was back to normal - normal as it ever was. The traffic wasn't much but it moved. Some people strolled along as if they had nothing else to do. The Wabbit looked at the advertising billboard and sighed. "There hasn't been a movie picture on this hoarding for ages. Just these scrapings." Lapinette looked at it. "Are you sure?" Wabsworth stared too. "Isn't that .. the red things from the cloud?" The Wabbit paid more attention. "You're quite right." Lapinette hopped up and down. "Maybe it's following us." The Wabbit dug deep in his fur with both paws and seemed to come up with nothing. But suddenly the tips of his paws lit up and appeared to throw lightning at the billboard. The red things coalesced and settled on the surface - somehow, they'd become part of it. Lapinette gaped. "How did you do that lightning?" "I collect things," shrugged the Wabbit. Lapinette pointed at the billboard. "So, what exactly happened?" Wabsworth had more than a clue about what had gone on. "The Wabbit's fur is an anti-matter weave. He captured the power of the cloud and harnessed it in his fur." Lapinette turned to the Wabbit and pointed. "That was serious performativity. But is it reversible?" The Wabbit grinned. "Oh yes, there's plenty more anyway." He flicked imaginary lint from his fur and they all turned to go. "Didn't Duetta Spyder say the cloud was sentient?" asked Lapinette. "Sentient is as sentient does," laughed the Wabbit.

7. The Wabbit and the Kosi Counter Attack

Away from the cloud, Susan the Biplane's engine burst into life and her propeller grabbed air. "Now Susan!" shouted the Wabbit. Just as planned, Susan released the Wabbit's secret weapon. Developed long ago in his shed, he'd called it Kosi and installed it in Susan's fuselage for emergencies. "What's that stuff?" yelled Lapinette. "A cunning mixture of potassium, oxygen and silicon," shouted the Wabbit. Wabsworth watched the gaseous stream penetrate the cloud. "Of course! It's a sulphur-based life form!" The Wabbit wrinkled his nose and so did Lapinette. "Hideous smelly cloud," murmured the Wabbit. Lapinette dangled her legs from a wing. "But how did it bring all the people to a standstill?" The Wabbit shook his head. "I think it induced some kind of devilish sulphurated stasis." Wabsworth looked back at the billowing cloud. "It must have been the Devil's perfume!" The Wabbit had never been certain why Satan smelled of sulphur, but Lapinette grinned and waved. "The Devil wears Sulphur!" Susan dipped her wings and swung across Turin. High above her, the black cloud lifted and began to thin out. Underneath, Duetta's spiders rattled their legs and kept formation. "I hope things are moving down on the ground," said Lapinette. "Got an appointment?" smiled the Wabbit. "Oh yes, smiled Lapinette, "I've an important meeting with a large gin and tonic."
[Lapinette is joking about a perfume called Sulphur. It is not known whether the devil ever wore it.]

6. The Wabbit and the Spider Descent

They materialised inside the black entity and coughed with the heavy pressure. Susan the Biplane kept her engines going but seemed to be standing still, stuck in the soup-like interior. Duetta and her two lieutenants flew in to protect the biplane. Legs rattled against the fuselage. Lapinette dangled from Susan's struts and she tried to climb back on board - but it was too much effort. The interior of the entity seemed vast. It stretched in all directions and heaved like a viscous sea. The Wabbit wrinkled his nose because the entity smelled like rotten eggs. The sulphurous atmosphere was just about breathable, but it made him queasy. He thought he'd better contact Duetta the Spyder by radio - but it was too much for him. Wabsworth tapped him on the shoulder. "Allow me, Commander." He grasped the radio. "Duetta do you copy?" Duetta flew under the fuselage. "Copy." Wabsworth could see her now and he leaned from the cockpit. "Any ideas. Marshal?" Duetta flew up close and rattled her legs. The entity's atmosphere responded by clutching them like a vice. Everyone gasped - all except for Wabsworth. His android construction fitted him out for most atmospheres. "It doesn't like that, Marshall," said Wabsworth. "What if you all crowd round and grab?" One by one, the spiders locked on to Susan's fuselage. "Can you take us down?" radioed Wabsworth. Susan came back online as they descended. "Systems are returning." Wabsworth smiled and thumped the Wabbit on the back. The Wabbit raised a paw and tapped a code on Susan's dashboard. Susan's intercom crackled. "OK Commander, we'll leave this thing a lovely present ..."

5. The Wabbit and the Red Cloud Entity

The Wabbit summoned Susan the Biplane and they took off for the big cloud. But when they hit the edge the propeller laboured in its dense atmosphere and the biplane began to wallow. "Switching to Interstellar Mode, Commander," said Susan. Things settled but not for long. Lighting pierced the cloud and hit the wings. Susan shuddered and rolled. "Here it comes!" yelled Lapinette. She grabbed the struts and hung like an acrobat. The cloud entity was like a swarm of bees - yet moved as one with a single purpose. It flew right through Susan as if she didn't exist. "Try speaking with it, Wabsworth." Wabsworth's all-being translator had a continuous update, but he wasn't quite sure with the entity. He tried anyway. "What is your purpose, entity?" Wabsworth listened to a series of squeaks and burbles then translated. "It says it's not a fish."  Lapinette sighed. "We said purpose not porpoise. Give it another go." Wabsworth hit the translator with a paw and spoke again. A long series of squawks and squeaks came in reply. Wabsworth clung onto the shaking biplane and shouted, "It says stand still or we will perish." Lightning crashed on the hull. The entity swarmed around the propeller. The Wabbit yelled back. "Tell it we're not the perishing sort." Without warning, Susan's propeller stopped dead and they began to drop. City streets loomed fast. "Quantum slipstream drive!" shouted Susan. There was no time to confirm. The craft appeared to dissolve under them, then they dissolved too. But the cloud was gone and so was the entity.  "Where are we now?" asked the Wabbit. "Middle of nowhere," said Susan. "At least I know where that is," smiled the Wabbit.

4. Marshall Duetta and the Cloud Entity

Marshall Duetta Spyder took two trusted lieutenant colonels and circled the cloud several times. Lightning crackled above them, laced with an acrid electric smell. From outside there was nothing, so Duetta nodded and they moved inside the cloud. At first it was hard to see much, and a swirling mass exerted a constant pressure on their bodies, making it tough to move around. Gradually, their eyes adjusted to an inky mottled atmosphere. Just up ahead, a formation of yellow sparks blinked in a periodic sequence. They drew back a little, then Duetta called the Wabbit on a telepathic frequency that patched straight through to his receiver. "Commander, can you hear me?" Her legs rattled. "You're a bit muffled," said the Wabbit. Duetta peered around. "I'm not surprised, Commander. This is no cloud, it's an entity." There was a long silence. "Commander!" said Duetta. "Sorry," replied the Wabbit, "I was thinking." Lapinette's voice spoke across the void. "Is it hostile?" Duetta rattled her legs. "Not up to now." She nodded a lieutenant forward towards the yellow sparks but he shot backwards at speed. "It's defensive," said Duetta. The Wabbit voice crackled. "Have you tried to communicate?" Duetta and her spyders rattled her legs together. The noise was deafening. Yellow sparks threshed and blinked. Pressure increased and began to crush their abdomens. Duetta signalled and together they backed away and out of the cloud. Duetta hummed as she went. "Stormy weather..."

3. The Wabbit and the Looming Clouds

Wabsworth and the Wabbit met Lapinette on the Monte dei Cappuccini because of the gathering clouds. Clouds and lightning over Torino were far from unusual but the day was fine, and no storm was predicted. They clustered around the Big Cross - which, by special arrangement, doubled as a radio transmitter for the Department - and looked up. The cross shook with every bolt of lightning and showered sparks on their heads. The Wabbit's ears curled. "This is something to do with everyone being frozen, but I can't figure out what." Lapinette gazed at the clouds. "These look artificial. It might be the Ice Mice." Wabsworth shook his head. "It's hardly their style. They like Big Weather." The Wabbit had an idea. He fished in his fur for his walkie talkie and contacted the Department. "Patch me through to Marshall Duetta Spyder. Encrypted transmission." The radio crackled and whined. "Marshall Duetta. What can I do for you Commander?" The Wabbit smiled a wry smile. "Can you fly your spiders into that cloud formation?" The radio whined again. "With enormous pleasure Commander. Do you want anything smashed, crashed, bitten, poisoned, infected or otherwise compromised?" The Wabbit bared all of his 28 teeth. "Not yet. Just have a look." He heard the rustling of spider legs. "On our way," hissed Duetta. Wabsworth glanced sideways at Lapinette and caught her eye. She grinned and murmured, "Always with the subtle approach."

2. The Wabbit and the Stationary Bus

When they reached Piazza Carlo Felice, it was clear the whole city was affected. Everything was at a standstill. But several buses were parked near the hotels and the Wabbit thought he'd try his luck. Closely observed by Wabsworth, he jumped on the one with a driver. "Hello," he said. The driver appeared to lean towards him. "Perhaps you could tell me where this bus is headed?" There was no answer and the driver remained where he was. His papers lay strewn on the dashboard. A cup of coffee sat nearby. The Wabbit sniffed it. It was lukewarm. He looked back to where a few passengers sat motionless. Wabsworth peered in. "What's happening?" "Nothing," shrugged the Wabbit. A few people stood rigid in the street. "Uncanny," muttered the Wabbit. His radio crackled so loudly in the still air that he nearly jumped out of his fur and he snapped, "Commander Wabbit, go ahead," The voice was silky sweet. "It's Lapinette, copy." The Wabbit grinned an enormous grin. "OK Lapinette, copy all that coffee." The radio crackled again. "Have you got a situation?" Wabsworth waved to the Wabbit and the Wabbit waved back with his radio. "We do," he shrugged. "Then maybe your situation is our situation," said Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded. "Everything is at a standstill. It's locked down tighter than a potter's socket." "Wabbit, that's rude!" yelled Lapinette. "These are rude times," said the Wabbit. "I'll get the team," sighed Lapinette. The Wabbit lifted the radio again, "Why aren't we affected?" The radio whined and Lapinette spoke again, "We're a whole different species."

1. The Wabbit and the Standstill Stop

The Wabbit and Wabsworth strolled all the way along Via Nizza from Lingotto and turned left to cross to Via Sacchi. They were bantering about the city and how it had changed. The Wabbit recalled when there was no metro and Tram Number One went all the way from Porta Nuova station to Lingotto. Being an android copy, Wabsworth did have a memory of that - but it belonged to the Wabbit. So he ran a small programme that brought everything from these days to life. "It smells different," he said. "The metro cut down the traffic," replied the Wabbit. Cars and buses thundered past and across the junction. "Oh really," said Wabsworth. He ran the programme again and shook his head. "Perhaps," he commented. They waited patiently to cross the road. Wabsworth knew the Wabbit liked to pause on the big bridge on Corso Germano Sommeiller and watch the trains - and he grinned because he liked that too. A gap appeared in the traffic and they stated to make their way across. But without warning all traffic screeched to a halt. The road was a sea of red stop lights. Even bikes stopped and remained strangely upright. The Wabbit and Wabsworth looked all round. Drivers sat rigid in their cars, eyes staring at the traffic signals. "What gives?" said the Wabbit. "Maybe their batteries gave out," snickered Wabsworth. The silence was like a heavy blanket. The Wabbit wanted to yell but found he couldn't. "Well something's up, all right. Let's get help," said the Wabbit. So together they set off to hop through a frozen city ...

The Wabbit at his Adventure Caffè

For a change, the team gathered at a pleasant restaurant and waited for the menus to arrive. Skratch was last to arrive and he paused by the window. "I favour fish," he meaowed. "Something like crosta di patate." The Wabbit licked his lips and grinned. "Me too," he chirruped. Wabsworth tapped on the tale. "We're forgetting the main question. What sort of Adventure did the Wabbit and Lapinette just have?" Skratch felt entirely responsible for the answer. Yet he hesitated a little. "I couldn't help noticing the denial of narrative closure." Wabsworth pounced. "Yet the adventure did end." Skratch shook his head. "Narration and ending are two different types of signifying systems." Lapinette giggled. "Entirely correct. Our binary narrative allowed for completeness of theme and also provided a closure device." The Wabbit was getting hungry and his tummy rumbled. "It was an open discourse adventure because it suggests the story can continue even after it's complete!" Lapinette didn't agree. "It's arguable, because the adventure did have a codified closure device." "Touche," laughed Skratch. Wabsworth thought this was hilarious and rocked in his chair. "Then we may hear of this mysterious cloaked figure again," he smiled. "With a brand-new bag, perhaps?" quipped the Wabbit. They all laughed and laughed. "Here come the menus," observed Lapinette. "What about our drinks?" yelled the Wabbit.
[Thanks to: "The End: Narration and Closure in the Cinema. (1995), Richard John Neupert, Wayne State University Press]

8. The Wabbit and the Letter in the Bag

They parked the launch in a secluded canal and waded through the water. The Wabbit carefully unzipped the bag, but there were no creatures. There was hardly anything at all. "What's that?" asked Lapinette. She pointed to a sheet of paper, tucked in the lining of the bag. The Wabbit plucked it out and held it up. "It's a letter," he said. "To us." he added. A rectangular piece of cardboard detached from the letter and Lapinette grasped it. "A railway ticket to Turin." The Wabbit shrugged and scanned the handwritten letter. "Looks like it's from our cloaked figure. He says thanks for all the fun, he had a great time. He invites us to come again." Lapinette looked at the cardboard. "And this is a rail ticket to Turin?" "Yes," said the Wabbit, "The rail ticket is for your return trip. He says I don't get one because I was already here." Lapinette sighed. "Our cloaked figure is a bit of a spooky joker." "And spookily mean," said the Wabbit. Lapinette laughed. "Venice is a creepy place is it not?" "Jeepers, creepers," shivered the Wabbit. He upended the bag and shook it - but there was nothing more inside. He placed the letter back in the bag. Lapinette dropped the ticket in too. "I'll get my own ticket, thank you very much." "Most wise," said the Wabbit. He zipped up the bag and placed it in the water. Lapinette gave it a push with a foot, propelling it into the gloomy waterway. It swirled three times, then half-submerged it floated out of sight. "Don't look now?" grinned the Wabbit.

7. The Wabbit and the bag in Canal Alley

Lapinette and the Wabbit chased as far as they could but the barge disappeared under a bridge and round a corner. "This way!" yelled the Wabbit. Followed closely by Lapinette he disappeared into a building and ran upstairs. But Lapinette lost sight of him and found herself in a strange, bright room. She looked out of the window. Rain and clouds were gone. Underneath lay a sunlit canal and on water of the deepest blue floated a line of tarpaulin-covered blue launches. "Wow," gasped Lapinette. Nestling half-covered on one of the launches, lay a single red bag. The Wabbit emerged from an opposite window and with the briefest of waves he jumped out and onto the launch. Lapinette swung from the window and punted from the wall with her legs. The launch rocked as she landed. "Steady there," said the Wabbit and grabbed her paws. He touched the red bag with a foot. "What do you make of this?" They looked around. There was no sign of the cloaked figure or his creatures. "Which of the bags can this be?" murmured Lapinette. "Anyone's guess," replied the Wabbit. "Until we open it, I suppose," grinned Lapinette. Water made soft plopping noises against the hull. Sun glinted from the surface. "Fancy a boat ride?" said the Wabbit. He jumped to the stern, pushed the outboard into the water and with a single tug of its cord started the motor. As the launch chugged along the alley, Lapinette sat down and stared at the bag. "Might be another bag of tricks," said the Wabbit.  "Find a safe spot," said Lapinette ...

6. The Wabbit and the Red Bag Creatures

The Wabbit and Lapinette carefully sealed the creatures in the red bag and set off in search of the figure. They boarded a number of vaporettos and scoured the canals. The rain become heavy, and they were just about to call a halt when the water foamed and a noisy craft approached. It was a dirty, oily green and sported a heavy industrial crane. Steered by a dark figure, the ghostly barge cleaved a path through the murky waters with a cargo of red bags - all identical to the one they'd taken from the cloaked figure. "Looks like our opportunity," said the Wabbit, "Let's give him back his bag." He gestured with a paw. Lapinette leaned over the side, swung the bag three times then let it go. It sailed towards the barge in a graceful arc. But just as the bag reached the apex, the creatures broke free and flew in all directions. The air was thick with them. At first sight they looked like a flock of crows but the Wabbit knew better and he yelled, "Take cover!" He ducked, but they dove straight at the Wabbit, squealing as they came. Amidst the deafening noise, Lapinette tried to drag them away - but there were many. The barge drew alongside, and the cloaked figure's voice cut through the clatter of the engine. "Satisfied now, Wabbit?" He snapped a finger. The creatures broke off their attack and soared around the figure at the helm. With a burst of speed, the barge surged past and round a corner, followed by the creatures. The Wabbit picked himself up and raced to the vaporetto's hatch to yell at the pilot, "Follow that barge!"

5. The Wabbit and the Things in the Bag

The Wabbit and Lapinette scampered off and disappeared into a back-street bar that hardly anyone knew about. The Wabbit threw the bag on a table and called for a stiff drink. "You first," said Lapinette. The bag seemed full of nothing. The Wabbit prodded it. There was a scuffling sound. Lapinette drew back. The Wabbit looked at it for a while. Then he shrugged and unzipped the top, but the bag fell open and creatures flew out. One brushed past his head like an oversized moth and another darted at Lapinette. Creatures were everywhere and the Wabbit tried to scoop them back into the bag - with some success. With the last one in, he zipped up the bag and sat staring at Lapinette. Lapinette stared back and grimaced. "Well, it was your idea." The Wabbit grimaced back. "Maybe I'll just try another pocket," he said. His paw reached out but Lapinette grabbed it. "Things are bad enough already." The Wabbit tried to grin. "I suppose the cloaked figure will be looking for the right bag." Lapinette gave the matter consideration. She lifted the bag and put it down again. It seemed heavier. "We could try to exchange the bag again," she suggested. "Or we could leave it in a left luggage locker," joked the Wabbit. "Not on my watch!" yelled Lapinette. The Wabbit looked puzzled. "What are they anyway?" Lapinette remained silent and shook her head. "Some kind of phantom delicacy?" said the Wabbit. Lapinette wrinkled her nose. "At least they're quiet." That was when the noise started, a high-pitched squealing that set their teeth on edge. "Let's find the figure," gasped the Wabbit ...