6. The Wabbit, Lapinette and Black Mass

It wasn't too hard for the Wabbit and Lapinette to follow the sound of cloven feet through the dank hallways. Suddenly they were looking down on a vast cavern decked out with all manner of Satanic paraphernalia, "I don't like the look of this," said the Wabbit. Lapinette wrinkled her nose as together they ducked out of sight to watch and listen. Serried ranks of Satanic rabbits marched into the hall. "All Hail, Rabbit Satan!" they yelled. They drew back into two groups as the Grand Master arrived. He was huge and red and altogether unpleasant. He beckoned a Satanic rabbit to come unto him and he hissed in his ear. "You failed to dispense with the rabbit priest that sought to reveal our plans of domination!" The Satanist cowered back. "We pushed him from the parapet, your Imperial Vileness." "He was stone dead," said another. "Dead as a dog that lieth in a ditch," nodded another. The Grand Master roared with fury. "Yet this dead priest sends emissaries to break our balls." He held up his arms and roared. "Find them!" The Wabbit wanted to snicker, but his body convulsed into a sneeze. He tried to smother it by holding onto a railing - but the railing snapped off like a dry twig. The Wabbit tried to grab it but it spiralled down, grazing past the Grand Master's head. "Get that Waaaabbit!" yelled the Grand Master.

5. The Wabbit and the Rabbit Foot Cult

Under the church lay a labyrinth of corridors that smelled of damp and danger. The Wabbit and Lapinette groped their way with caution. They were just following their noses when they came upon a strange room. They looked around. The walls and ceiling were peppered with gloomy artifacts and all the time they could hear the chanting of the rabbit foot cult. They poked here and there but found little that looked like a clue. There were mouse droppings, a bottle opener, three cigarette stubs, and an out-of-date ticket for Black Sabbath. The Wabbit was examining the latter closely when they heard the sound of cloven hooves on the cold stone floors. There was nowhere to hide so the Wabbit gestured for Lapinette to take a vantage point. Then he stood stock still and waited. When the cultists came into the room he waved his arms. "Kneel before me!" he cried, "Kneel before the daemon rabbit." One of them made to kneel, but the other was smarter. "You don't look much like a daemon to me." The Wabbit jeered. "You'll know soon I'm the chosen one. Turn round fast and start to run." "Oh no!" said a cult member and he made for the door. The other shook his head and gestured to Lapinette. "Who's that?" Lapinette hissed through her teeth. "Je suis le reine lézard." The Wabbit nodded. "She's my familiar. She can turn you into a toad." The cultists backed away and out the door. They heard the sound of cloven hooves - running. "J'aime pas les cultistes," hissed Lapinette.

4. The Wabbit and the Secret Order

The church gates were shut and the Wabbit and Lapinette thought that was strange. They'd never known them closed. So the Wabbit picked the lock and together they dragged them apart. They were heavy and stiff. Hinges creaked like an old galleon and the sounds echoed from the roof. Lapinette's ears pricked up. She could hear something else. It was like Gregorian chanting but malevolent. The Wabbit heard it too. It made his fur crawl and he started to itch all over. "I can't make it out," said Lapinette. The Wabbit strained. Then he repeated the words. "Come rabbit with teeth of iron and claws of bronze." Lapinette grimaced. Now she could hear voices cry, "Trample all before you." The Wabbit felt in his fur for his bible. "They're summoning a daemon." The sacristy door opened and a figure swept out. The Wabbit and Lapinette flattened against the gate. "Agents of Rabbit," muttered Lapinette. But this was no ordinary agent. Its ears were Mephistophelean horns, curving and brutal. Its eyes flashed with a ghastly green glow. And as it walked across the nave its cloven feet tapped a merciless devil's jig on the church floor. It seemed to walk towards them but it turned to grasp the metal framework of the gate. There was a flickering and a flash as its cruel shape merged with wrought iron and vanished. The chanting died away. "What do we do now?" grunted the Wabbit. "Pray?" said Lapinette.

3. The Wabbit and the Rabbits' Whispers

Followed closely by Lapinette, the Wabbit hopped through the castle. He was deep in thought and so he didn't hear the whispers. Lapinette did and she stopped and pointed. "The rabbits spoke." The Wabbit turned and looked up at the frieze. The rabbits were moving and their whispers were musical and tender. "Start with a coffee," sang one, "Coffee on the hill." "Make ours frothy," sang another, "Frothy if you will." The rabbits became silent and still. The Wabbit waved the priest's bible at the rabbits. "Is it in here?" Lapinette sighed. "Wabbit, there's no mention of coffee in the Bible." The Wabbit stared at the rabbits for a while as if they might come to life. "Then it must be a cryptic clue. Think crosswords." "Coffee on the hill," suggested Lapinette, "frothy coffee on the hill maybe?" Now the Wabbit was getting into gear. "Frothy coffee on the mountain?" Lapinette thought very hard. "Cappuccino on the mountain?" The Wabbit threw the bible in the air, caught it and slapped it with his paw." "Monte die Cappuccini!" Lapinette gasped. "That's where I first met the priest. He was coming down the hill. I gave him a lift." The Wabbit roared with laughter. "That's what coffee does." "Well, let's go," said Lapinette. They set off down the steps, but the rabbits whispered again. "Beware of the Foot Cult, beware, beware." The Wabbit raised a paw in farewell. "Got time for a coffee, Lapinette?" Lapinette bounded down to the courtyard. "There's always time for coffee, Wabbit."

2. The Wabbit and the Hidden Sign

The Wabbit met Lapinette at the safe house to discuss the matter in paw. "Let me get this right," said Lapinette. "The priest came to you in a vision and asked for help?" The Wabbit nodded his head. "He wants me to find something." Lapinette sat down at the only table available. "It must be to do with his murder. He wants you to find who pushed him over the parapet." The Wabbit sighed. "I have no clue." Now Lapinette shook her head. "There is a clue. He gave you his bible." The Wabbit fished in his fur and took it out. It was well worn before - but now it looked battered and tattered. He made a face and shrugged while Lapinette leafed through it. It was a major job. It had many pages and a clue could be anywhere. "Stop there," said the Wabbit. Lapinette stopped but she couldn't see anything. "Which book are you at?" asked the Wabbit. "Judges," replied Lapinette. "Had to be," said the Wabbit. Lapinette peered closely. She saw a drawing of a skeletal rabbit's foot in the margins and she pointed at it. The Wabbit yelped and shook his paw. "Wow that was sore!" He looked down at the desk. On the tatty piece of blotting paper where his paw had rested, the drawing reappeared - and just as quickly faded. It vanished from the bible margins too. They looked at each other. "What's afoot?" grinned the Wabbit. Lapinette groaned. "This has all the signs of a cult." "What kind of a cult?" said the Wabbit. Lapinette snorted. "A secret one of course."

1. The Wabbit and the Dynamic Reflection

The Wabbit was out for a hop on a fine Sunday morning. He'd got as far as the hospital strip at Lingotto and was thinking about lunch - when he spotted a particularly nice reflection. He paused for a while and tried to perform a calculation concerning optics. He looked behind him. Somehow the actual scene looked much better reflected in the mirrored glass of the hospital window. He turned back but something wasn't right. "Where am I in the window?" The Wabbit appeared to have no reflection. He waved a paw, but still there was nothing. He scrutinised the glass panels to no avail. Then he spotted something that wasn't there before. A familiar figure looked out at him and it whispered. "Wabbit!" The Wabbit shook his head. He turned his back on the window and looked once more at the other side of the street, but there was no corresponding figure. "Must be a cognitive illusion" he thought. "Something from my unconscious perhaps." He turned back. The figure appeared closer - and now he recognised the ghostly priest he'd encountered at Superga. "Find out, Wabbit," whispered the priest, "Find out, I implore you." The priest looked the Wabbit in the eyes and for an instant the Wabbit held his gaze. But the priest blinked three times and his image began to fade. "Don't go, Father!" shouted the Wabbit, "What do I have to do?" But the priest was gone. Only the bushes on the far side of the street remained ...

The Wabbit's Adventure Caffè

Skratch was really late and everyone was waiting. But a tram clattered to a halt and the doors hissed open. "What was that for a sort of Adventure?" shouted Skratch. He loped from the tram and into the portico - then sat down and flaunted his new t-shirt. "I know we had a computer adventure but what kind?" Wabsworth raised a paw. "Speaking as an android .." The Wabbit groaned. Wabsworth ignored him and continued. ".. I question its dominant specularity. A dreamlike state within a digital world undercuts that kind of traditional indexality." Lapinette smiled. "Perhaps. The interactive potential of spectators as potential digital producers ... suggests control." Skratch purred quietly. "You're saying it challenges the fingerprint of the real?" The Wabbit sniffed and leaned on the table. "Quoting Bazin will get you nowhere. The spectator continues to be a third party. Interactivity is an illusion - yet another set of conventions closely allied to realism." Wabsworth leaned back. "That's all very well, but the adventure blurs subjectivity and renders the world unclear. Is it created from the inside or the outside? We cannot tell." Now Skratch sat up with a start. "In the Adventure, I was outside, then I dreamed myself inside." Wabsworth grinned. "This is the digital age. The dream becomes real and haunts the image like a ghost." The Wabbit rapped a paw on the table. "Then maybe someone could startle us up some drinks." "Mine's an Il Signor Diavolo," breathed Lapinette. "The devil it is!" shouted the Wabbit.

8. The Wabbit and the Disorderly Exit

The Wabbit and Lapinette emerged from the super computer. It was hardly an elegant exit but they were glad to get out. The two pink pigs emerged too and they snuffled the corridor with piggy grunts. "Where's Skratch?" asked the Wabbit, "I'm sure I was speaking with Skratch." He heard scratching from the floor and looked down. "I dreamed you out," purred Skratch. And there he was, coiled up on the floor. He was flat as a pancake and stretching. Gradually he fleshed out. First his head, then his tail, and then all his limbs. Finally there was a body. "I've got your notifications," said a voice. It was Flotsy, holding messages in his claws. Lapinette twitched her ears. "I didn't see you." Flotsy laughed. "No-one ever sees me, I'm the Fake Vote, remember?" A violent rapping at the door made them all turn. "I'm locked out!" It was Hardhack Rat. Now the Wabbit's frown turned to an enormous grin and he hopped down the corridor and unlocked the door. "Where's our money?" asked one of the pigs as he passed. "Yeah, where's the dosh?" grunted the other. Flotsy hovered above them. "I took it for services rendered." "Hand it over!" shouted the pigs. "Impounded," fluttered Flotsy, "But I'll write you a promissory note." His ball point pen fluttered back and a forth and a notification floated down. The pigs rolled along the corridor and then they rolled back. They honked, grunted, snorted and squealed. But Flotsy banked and turned. "I'll be back," he shouted. Then in a trice he was gone. "Is a promissory note enforceable?" asked the Wabbit. "It has tax advantages," shrugged Lapinette.

7. The Wabbit and Skratch's Dream

Outside the computer, Skratch the Cat curled up and dreamed a strange dream. He was prowling along a tunnel. At first, everything in the tunnel was dim - as if he was in a mist. Then the mist cleared. He saw glimmers of light and colour. He heard voices and hissing of snakes. He saw the back of two pigs. "What the devil?" he thought. Presently, the Wabbit came into view with Lapinette beside him. They seemed to be obstructed by something like a wall, but Skratch could see no wall. He watched the Wabbit lift a paw and smash it in the air. Now he saw their reflections as if they were gazing in a frosty mirror. Their eyes grew bigger and bigger. Lapinette pointed. The two pigs nuzzled and grunted. The Wabbit's mouth moved but Skratch could hear nothing. "I'm over here!" yelled Skratch. He couldn't hear his own voice but he shouted anyway. "Watch out for the snakes!" he croaked. Two snakes flicked the Wabbit and Lapinette with venomous red tongues and Skratch got angry. He was close now and he tapped the Wabbit on the shoulder. The Wabbit brushed him away and and his touch felt like an electric shock. Skratch jumped and his fur stood on end. "Skratch?" said the Wabbit. He looked from right to left. "You can't see me," said Skratch. "No I can't," replied the Wabbit. "Who are you talking to?" asked Lapinette. The snakes hissed. Skratch hissed louder. The snakes recoiled and Skratch watched them slither down the tunnel with enormous speed. The mirror vanished. Everyone moved forward. Except for Skratch. He woke up outside, then stretched, yawned and looked up ...

6. The Wabbit and the Quantum Lubricant

The two pink pigs wanted to lead the way and the Wabbit let them. They grumbled in metallic voices that came straight from an electronics factory in Shanghai. Mostly they grumbled about whose idea it had been in the first place and when they got tired of that, they grumbled about the Wabbit and Lapinette. The tunnel that led from the door was longer than they anticipated and the Wabbit speculated it was some kind of quantum thing. Every time they saw the end of the tunnel it was the start of another tunnel. "It's like a pipeline," said Lapinette. The Wabbit froze and Lapinette noticed. "Another of your stolen script ideas?" "Yes," agreed the Wabbit. He wrinkled his nose. "So we'd better watch out for snakes." Lapinette thought she heard a hiss. "What kind of snakes?" "Fast moving, quantum tunnel snakes," said the Wabbit. "Multi-coloured?" asked Lapinette. "Yes," said the Wabbit. He thought it prudent to offer further explanation. "They snake along pipelines taking everything with them at high speed." The multi-coloured snake wound round and round, hissing. "Keeps still, everyone!" shouted Lapinette. The pigs froze. "I hate snakes," muttered one. "And keep quiet," yelled Lapinette. The snake dropped ahead of them and slithered up the tunnel. The Wabbit, Lapinette and the pigs all picked up speed. The tunnel walls seemed to flash by. "Where do they go?" sighed Lapinette. "They're like lubricant," said the Wabbit. "They'll go anywhere they want." The sides of the tunnel blurred. "Who's they?" asked Lapinette. "A powerful, evil corporation," shrugged the Wabbit.

5. The Wabbit inside the Duvet Computer

Inside the quantum duvet computer was more than cosy. The Wabbit prodded a duvet with both paws. "What's this supposed to be?" Lapinette poked one too and shrugged. "Software?" Lights flickered to the rear and that seemed normal to the Wabbit. Underneath didn't seem normal. He looked down and pointed. "The cloud," said Lapinette. Only at that point did she see two pink pigs tugging at the duvets. "Who are you?" The first pig made a face and snarled. "Paws up!"  "Stand and deliver," said the other. The Wabbit yelled. "You're another stolen idea!" Lapinette's eyes shot into the roof of her head. "Explain." The Wabbit was really annoyed. "It's one of my film script ideas. Two electronic toy pigs rob a bank!" He was shouting. Lapinette made a face. "How does it end?" "Badly," grimaced the Wabbit. The pigs didn't seem to care. "Answer!" they shouted. The Wabbit huffed and puffed. "I have nothing to deliver. Would a speech do?" "No," said the first pig. But the other pig considered the matter. "Would it be a revolutionary speech, full of fire and brimstone and threats and promises?" "If you want," said the Wabbit. So he began. He quoted Shelley. He quoted Thomas Jefferson. By the time he reached Che Guevara he was running out of steam. "That's enough," said the first pig, "We've already got the money anyway." "So now get us out of here!" said the other. Lapinette waved both paws. "I can see a door up ahead there." "Follow me," snapped the Wabbit as he hopped towards the door.

4. Hardhack Rat's Super Solution

Flotsy had gone for help and returned with Hardhack Rat in tow. He pointed to the computer walls. "It's a quantum duvet computer. The Wabbit and Lapinette are trapped inside!" But the moment he shouted the walls changed. Alphanumerics swirled and warped in a confusing mass. Flotsy touched it. Now it was impenetrable. Hardhack looked at it for a while, then shook his head. "It's a swirlwall, very hard to get through." "Kin you do it?" asked Flotsy. "With a bit of patience and the right tools, I can do anything," said Hardhack. Flotsy poised with his ball point fuselage and prepared to write. "I need a washing machine and a vacuum cleaner," said Hardhack. "One washing machine, one vacuum," scribbled Flotsy. "Then I need a proper computer toolkit, such as the Wabbit has in his shed." Flotsy muttered the words as he wrote. "Wabbit's shed, toolkit." Hardhack prodded the wall, grimaced and shrugged. "And then I need a cat." "Someone said cat?" said a voice. Skratch appeared from the street and meaowed his way along the corridor. He scratched Hardhack's back. "A cat you need is a cat indeed." Flotsy made for the exit while he could still see it. Hardhack gazed at Skratch. "I've heard all about you." Skratch purred softly. "Likewise I'm sure." Hardhack scuttled up and down the walls, tapping here and there. "Mr Skratch. To get them out I will require you to sleep." Skratch purred mightily. "I sleep therefore I am."

3. The Wabbit and the Super Computer

Flotsy took them to a district on the edge of town, known appropriately as Fermi. There was no one around. "This place is dead and alive," murmured the Wabbit. "Are you sure we're here?" asked Lapinette. Flotsy flew through double doors into a corridor and announced, "All messages came in here. None came out." The corridor was hot. Walls whirred. Alphanumerics whizzed past in never ending succession. Lapinette wondered whether the wall was solid. She pushed a paw through. It shimmered and became semi-transparent. "How does it feel?" asked the Wabbit. "Like a duvet." Lapinette's voice was breathless. She tugged her paw away. It made a gloopy sound and came out. "Phew," said the Wabbit. He stuck his own paw in. "Warm and cosy," he chuckled. Lapinette wasted no more time. She stuck her head inside for a look. "There's a message here - stuck to a label." She tried to grab the message but at each attempt it moved round. She read the label. "It says wash carefully." The Wabbit had an idea. "Does it say anything at the bottom about togs?" Lapinette nodded and withdrew her head. "It says 800 Terratogs." The Wabbit began to laugh. "It's a quantum duvet computer." He tried to move his paw but it was too hot and he was stuck. Lapinette tried to help him - but slowly they were drawn into the walls. Lapinette gasped before she vanished entirely. "Get help!" Flotsy wheeled and streaked out the exit at astonishing speed ...
[Telegram notification symbol
I'm unable to find the attribution for the graphic for the EU Supercomputer, but used under fair use rules. ]

2. The Wabbit and Lapinette are Notified

The Wabbit and Lapinette adopted a suitable vantage point and looked at the city. They never expected to see anything, but that was what they did if they were stuck. They didn't wait long. Something swooped down and clung swaying on the rails. Then it chuckled. "I'm your notification." "About what?" asked Lapinette. "About the lack of notifications," chuckled the creature. It somewhat resembled a paper airplane with claws. For a fuselage and nose, it sported a glitzy ball point pen. "I know you," gasped the Wabbit, "You're Fake Vote." The creature shimmered its wings. "Call me Flotsy." The Wabbit shrugged a special kind of shrug. Lapinette knew the Wabbit hadn't the faintest clue about what was going on. "What's happening to the notifications?" asked Lapinette. "Pirates," said Flotsy. The Wabbit became impatient. "Why?" he snapped. Flotsy fluttered onto a lower rail and hissed confidentially. "For ransoms." The Wabbit stamped a foot and the whole tower shook. "I received no ransom request." Flotsy laughed. "That would count as a notification - and all notifications are being held hostage." The Wabbit struck a paw against the rails and Flotsy lifted off for an instant. "Now my brain hurts," sighed the Wabbit. Lapinette grinned. "Flotsy, where are the notifications being held?" Flotsy bobbed up and down. "In a superdupercomputer, somewhere on the edge of town." The Wabbit pointed at Flotsy. "You will find it. And you will download it." Lapinette leaped in the air. "Lead the way, Flotsy"

1. The Wabbit and Lost Communications

Lapinette caught up with the Wabbit at Sassi station. She knew it was the Wabbit long before she saw him, because he was making the sounds of a traction engine and hissing doors. "Hello Wabbit, where have you been?" The Wabbit turned and hung from the rail. "I haven't been anywhere!" Lapinette slid past the Wabbit and slipped on board. "I sent you many messages," she said in an annoyed voice. "I sent you messages also," said the Wabbit, "but reply came there none." He fiddled with the controls. The Sassi-Superga line was a rack railway - but technically this counted as tram line number 79, so the Wabbit thought he was in charge. "In fact," said the Wabbit, "I haven't had any notifications from anyone and it gave me lots of time to do other things." Lapinette laughed. "Like what?" The Wabbit grinned back. "Like develop screenplays." Lapinette stifled another laugh. "Tell me about them." The Wabbit swung back and forward on the rail. "I sketched out five different films and sent them to Hollywood." Lapinette waited patiently. "I was never notified," scowled the Wabbit. Lapinette had a thought. "Maybe our notifications are being stolen." The Wabbit jumped in the air. "That's it! I saw something on TV and it was just like one of my ideas." Lapinette waited once more. "It was the story of a ghostly duvet," explained the Wabbit, "It smothered and devoured anyone who slept under it." Lapinette grimaced. "So who stole your idea?" The Wabbit struck the rail with a paw. "The Dazed Duvet Syndicate used it as an advert ..."