7. The Wabbit & the Wormhole Modulator

"Will it work?" asked Terni the Dragon. "Of course it will work," said the Wabbit. Terni laughed a dragon laugh and despite the Wabbit's various warnings, he slipped from the cargo bay and into deep space. Lapinette nudged the Wabbit. "They're coming." The Ice Mice saucer flew hard on their heels. "And they're none too pleased," smirked the Wabbit. He flicked a switch and a worm hole opened. Terni breathed a cone of flame and launched through. Quantum streaked after him. Lapinette watched the saucer. "Now," she breathed. The Wabbit flicked the switch the other way. The worm hole closed behind them. It was the Wabbit's turn to laugh. "That'll delay them more than Heathrow in the fog." Terni circled and returned on a fiery plume. "Excellent" he roared, "Now shall we all sing?" The speakers crackled. "You start," said Skratch the Cat from the engine room. Terni's voice boomed out. "Terni the Magic Dragon!" "Flies through Outer Space," trilled Lapinette. "He frolics through the galaxy, he's our dragon interface," ad libbed Wabsworth. Everyone laughed so loud that the sound carried through space. On the other side of the wormhole, the Ice Mice scowled and barged and complained about cats. Back on Quantum, the Wabbit set a course for Earth and cracked mice jokes. "I hope they have a mice day."

6. The Wabbit and the Laser Device

The Wabbit was tinkering in the engine room. He was responsible for Lattice Drive and although it looked antediluvian it usually worked - up until now. Lapinette appeared waving a sonic screwdriver, but still, they had no luck. The Wabbit produced an ancient micrometer from his fur and measured everything in sight. "It makes me feel better," he murmured to Lapinette. His stomach rumbled. "Perhaps you're hungry, Wabbit," suggested Lapinette, "Would you like a salad sandwich?" She delved into her frock and plucked out a sandwich. The Wabbit was extremely hungry but he persisted in measuring things. A delicious aroma of salad reached his nostrils and he was so busy savouring it, he failed to notice Skratch returning from the Ice Mice vessel. "Need a helping paw, Wabbit?" The Wabbit looked up. Skratch waved a device. "What's that Skratch, a toy?" Skratch meowed. "This is no toy." The device fired a beam that narrowly missed the Wabbit's ears. They heard a rumble and then a whine. Everything shimmered as Quantum carved a path through the space-time continuum. "Lattice Drive," they yelled. "Where did you get that thing?" asked the Wabbit. "I acquired it," purred Skratch. He grinned. "They'll never miss it." The Wabbit gave it some thought. "Does it do anything else?" Skratch purred long and hard. "Would you like me to heat up that sandwich?"

5. Skratch and the Ailing Power Unit

Skratch the Cat boarded the Ice Mice vessel easily. The door slid back with a pssst sound and he stepped on board. He could see what might be a power unit, but one thing was for sure. It wasn't working. Occasionally it bleeped and flashed but the bleep was tired and the illumination faint. "What can I do for you in your time of need?" meaowed Skratch. "It doesn't work," moaned an ice mouse. "What's wrong with it?" asked Skratch. "We don't know. No-one knows how to repair it," said another ice mouse. "Where's your engineer?" said Skratch. The ice mice wailed together. "We don't have one." Skratch sighed and complained about modern times. "Can you fix it?" asked an ice mouse. Skratch strode forward and kicked it viciously. The unit croaked loudly and a red light came on. "All is not lost," murmured Skratch. He took a can of WD40 and sprayed it in every crevice he could find. Then he kicked the unit again. It started to hum and the light began to pulse. "Aha," said Skratch. He located what looked like a switch, switched it off, then back on. A cooling fan chattered. Lights flickered in an ordered sequence. A robotic voice spoke. "System restored. Please enter your password." Skratch looked at the ice mice and they both shrugged. Skratch screeched long and hard. But he found the keyboard and typed "p a s s w o r d". The unit spoke again. "Booting full power. Have a nice day." The ice mice were delighted and they ran to hug Skratch, but he brought them up short. "That will be 180 QUID," he meaowed.
[QUID is a proposed space currency. The QuasiUniversal Intergalactic Denomination.]

4. The Wabbit and the Strange Request

Quantum pulled away from the unknown forces and reached space - but only on push power. "Lattice Drive just won't engage," said Skratch the Cat from the engine room. They were stuck. Now Quantum's voice crackled across the speakers. "Behind you!" A green shadow fell across Quantum's bodywork. "It's the enemy. It's the Ice Mice!" yelled Lapinette. The Wabbit expected fire and he flinched. "Shields up!" he yelled. "I'm a train," said Quantum, "not a Klingon Bird of Prey." But it didn't matter, nothing happened. The ship just stayed there. "They're making me nervous," said the Wabbit. "OK, I'll open a channel," said Quantum. His voice boomed over the public address system. "Ridiculous green saucer, please identify yourself and state the nature of your business." Dead silence. "Try short wave," suggested Wabsworth. The Wabbit plunged a paw in his fur and pulled out a walkie talkie. He struck it three times for good luck and hissed, "We can see you, Saucer. Whadda ya hear, whadda ya say?" At first there was nothing except static. Then the radio whined. "This is the Ice Mice. We're stuck. Have you got a mechanic?" Lapinette burst out laughing. The radio whined again. "It's not funny." The Wabbit called the engine room. "Skratch, would you like a job?" They heard a long feline screech from Skratch. "I don't do rodent control."
[Short waves and other frequencies transmit through space. You can even talk to the space station.]

3. The Wabbit and the Dragon's Flames

The jump was shorter than expected and they all looked out to see the Alps swirling in a spiral. Terni the Food Dragon emerged from the south and flew directly in front. They could hear his cabbage wings flapping, even at this altitude. "What gives?" muttered the Wabbit. "What happened to Lattice Drive?" asked Lapinette. Skratch's voice crackled from the intercom. "Best we can do, Commander." Then Terni chimed in. "Everything is swirling," he roared, "I just got ahead of it." Quantum's engines shuddered, entangled in forces that no-one understood. "I'm going to the engine room," said the Wabbit. He vanished. Lapinette spoke to Terni. "Any ideas?" They were going round in circles and dropping in altitude. Terni flew under Quantum and spread his wings as far as they would go. It seemed to help. Quantum lifted and the grip of the swirling spiral loosened. Lapinette clapped her paws in glee. The Wabbit reappeared. "Something worked," he grimaced. Lapinette nodded at the window. The Wabbit watched in astonishment as Terni's wings drove them higher. "What is this? Game of Thrones?" "All we need are flames," said Lapinette. In an instant Terni created a sea of flame that pushed Quantum higher. "We have full power!" yelled Skratch. The Wabbit signalled to Terni. "Better come aboard. Things are a little too quiet around here."

2. The Wabbit and the Quantum Lift Off

The Wabbit and Lapinette raced across the city. They figured off-planet was a good place to be and they were relieved to find Quantum the Time Travelling Train ready and waiting. They scrambled aboard. Quantum seemed to have a clue about what was happening. "No sign of life, Commander."  "Nary a thing," said the Wabbit. "Nothing moves across the whole city," confirmed Lapinette. Quantum's engines came to life. The train vibrated. "What about the team?" asked Lapinette. "Skratch and Wabsworth are in the engine room," said Quantum, "and the rest are in the restaurant car." The train shuddered and lifted. The intercom crackled. "Engaging Lattice Drive," said Skratch. Nothing happened. The train hung a meter from the ground. The Wabbit and Lapinette looked out and down. The ground danced and swirled in circles. "I'll shoot it!" yelled the Wabbit. "That's your answer to everything," said Lapinette. Skratch's voice crackled. "Why don't you try, Commander?" The Wabbit fired a single shot at the ground. Quantum shook and pulled upwards. "Again," said Skratch. The Wabbit fired again. The swirls spread. The force weakened. "Get your heads back in the cab, you two," said Quantum, "or you'll be pulled into the space time continuum." "Does it have a bar?" asked the Wabbit. Engines throbbed. The train shook. There was a flash. If anyone could have watched they would have seen a big red train dissolve into pixels - and vanish.

1. The Wabbit and the Way to Look

Lapinette caught up with the Wabbit in Via Montebello outside the Lounge Bar Gilda. He was staring intently at a sign on the wall. Then he would turn and look in the opposite direction. After a while he would look back. She tapped him lightly on the shoulder. "Between missions ennui?" she asked. "Hello Lapinette," replied the Wabbit but he kept staring. Lapinette giggled. "If you're wondering how to look in the right direction, then look at me." The Wabbit turned and embraced Lapinette. Lapinette looked over his shoulder at the sign. "Someone of a philosophical turn of mind?" The Wabbit shrugged. "I thought Wrong Direction might be a song." "Or a band," laughed Lapinette. The Wabbit laughed and laughed. "Lapinette, if I look away from the sign, I receive no further instruction. There are too many directions to choose from." Lapinette pirouetted. "What if we both look away from it at the same time?" "OK," said the Wabbit. They turned and together they looked up the street, then at the other side, then the other way. The ground suddenly shook and they clutched each other for support. The shaking stopped. Now everything was silent and still - no traffic noise, no conversations, nothing. "What happened?" asked Lapinette. "Felt like an earthquake," said the Wabbit. "But where is everyone?" said Lapinette. "Gone!" gasped the Wabbit.

The Wabbit at his Adventure Caffè

The team gathered at a caffè on Via Po. It was very quiet. Normally Via Po hustled and bustled - so they were pleased to find a space at a basic caffè, knowing that often they were the best. The Wabbit and Lapinette were first. Before long they heard frantic sounds. Skratch's meaows could be extremely loud and they bounced like bad cheques along the porticos. "What was that for a sort of adventure you just had?" Lapinette turned and meaowed back. "You tell us, Skratch. It's your job." Wabsworth jumped from a tram and stuck his head round a pillar. "I'll tell you if you like!"  The Wabbit waved for everyone to sit down and he called for drinks. Despite his android nature, Wabsworth was in a cheerful mood. "It was strictly comedy and driven by expectation." Skratch grinned an encouraging grin. "The audience feels superior because it knows the introduction of a banana to the plot is automatically funny." Lapinette raised a paw. "The audience recognises the incongruity of the banana as a sign. The banana stands for light hearted madness."  Skratch meaowed long and hard. "The banana is the essence of genial abnormality." The Wabbit gave him a meaningful look. "But what about the vague allusions to the Banana Boat Song?" Skratch laughed. "References to the idiocy of cultural appropriation." The Wabbit nodded gravely. "That's something that drives me bananas."
[Thanks to :  HumorMechanisms in Film Comedy: Incongruity and Superiority, Jeroen Vandaele, Poetics Today, 23:2, CETRA, Leuven]

6. The Wabbit and the Spider's Banana

The Wabbit and Lapinette chased across the city in pursuit of the banana and it brought them right back to Pluto Park. Just when they thought they'd cornered it, it kept slipping from their grasp. It ran them ragged across the whole place and when things finally looked like success, they were exhausted. The banana however remained unflustered. "Where's Duetta?" yelled Lapinette. "I'm here," said a voice. Marshall Duetta Spyder rounded a corner and watched with amusement. "That's my banana!" Duetta rattled her legs. The banana danced wildly in the air. Lapinette made one last attempt to grasp it, but there was no need because the banana settled on one of Duetta's legs. Then Duetta began to sing a song. "Well I'm loadin' de banana boat all night long." The banana sung too. "Dah dah light and me wan' go home." Duetta rattled and responded. "When I get some money, gonna quit so soon," he sang. The banana stretched, relaxed and went to sleep. Lapinette gazed at the sight. "Your banana?" Duetta hissed and cackled. "Every spider should have a banana." The Wabbit tried to sound stern. "That banana caused a lot of trouble." Duetta shuffled to the side and back again. "OK. I'll take responsibility for the fruit." "You better had," said Lapinette, "he's driven us bananas." The Wabbit grinned with all of his 28 teeth. "Now I feel like going on a bender. So let's split."

5. The Wabbit & the Flight of the Banana

The Wabbit and Lapinette were up at daybreak to continue the search for the disordered banana. They'd had a call about a sighting from Eataly, the food concern at Lingotto - and round the back they spotted it. It was squirming under a fence and into a building site. It was moving fast and seemed intent on something. The Wabbit scaled the fence and began to drop down the other side. Lapinette stayed where she was in case the banana decided to double back. The Wabbit muttered a curse as he snagged his fur on a spike. "You need your safety helmet!" joked Lapinette. "And boots and Day Glow fur," smirked the Wabbit. The banana scuttled along the fence, taking them both by surprise. "It's almost as if it wants us to follow it," observed the Wabbit. "What in the world for?" murmured Lapinette. "What do bananas really want?" laughed the Wabbit. "Their own Republic?" suggested Lapinette. The Wabbit dropped down the fence and dusted his fur. Then he watched the banana explore the building site. It poked in every corner and crevice. It slithered into heavy plant vehicles and out again. Finally it climbed a mound of rubble and sat at the top. The Wabbit shrugged. "No-one around to trip up?"  Lapinette nodded. "Look Wabbit, this shouldn't be difficult. It's only a one banana problem." The Wabbit thought for a moment. "Then let's call Duetta the Spider. Spiders know all about bananas."

4. The Wabbit and the Stealthy Banana

The Wabbit entered the church but of the banana there was no sign. He could see Lapinette - and although she appeared to be kneeling in reverence at the altar, she was looking all around. The Wabbit spoke in a hushed voice. "What's the deal with the yellow thing?" Lapinette was still, but ever watchful. She spoke in a low tone. "It's a banana and it's out of control." The Wabbit grinned. Lapinette frowned. "It's been tripping people all around the city." "Very annoying," whispered the Wabbit. Lapinette sighed. "It nearly caused a major accident at the Porta Susa Bridge Club." The Wabbit felt his insides shake with mirth but he held it in. Lapinette continued. "There was an incident at the Sardinian's Gramsci Club and several participants were disturbed at the Octogenarian Writing Centre." "That won't do," agreed the Wabbit. He cast around to locate the offending banana. Lapinette was staring at the face on the wall. "The face! I saw the eyes move." The Wabbit shrugged and drew a breath. "For goodness sake, don't tell anyone. The place will be completely mobbed." Lapinette kept staring at the eyes. They were definitely moving and she followed their direction. "There's the banana!" "Where?" asked the Wabbit. "On your fur," shouted Lapinette. "Aaaagh!" yelled the Wabbit. His paws flailed and the banana streaked out of the church.

3. The Wabbit and the Yellow Menace

The scuttling creature doubled back and took the Wabbit by surprise. It got under his feet and he lost his balance and flew in the air. His automatic flew out of his paw. He bounced from the wall and then crashed on the ground.  But the creature hadn't finished. It got under his feet again. The Wabbit slipped, turned a cartwheel, then somehow got up straight. A bullet flew past and hit the wall behind him. He felt pieces of brickwork spatter his fur. The creature slid up his leg and got into his fur. Then it slithered up the wall and back. He could smell it and it smelled strange. "It smells like ... a banana," thought the Wabbit. But his foot went from under him and he bounced from the church stairway. Now he'd cut his leg and he was angry. There was another shot so he crouched on the paving.  But still the creature kept coming. A bullet grazed the yellow skin and the creature yelped. That was when it bit him. The Wabbit growled as he kicked the creature as hard as he could. It skidded along the paving and then disappeared round a doorway. He heard Lapinette calling. "I'll get him!" He heard more shots. Massaging a painful leg, he groped along the paving for his automatic. Then he tucked it in his fur and tumbled through the door, yelling, "Leave some of him for me!"

2. The Wabbit and the Upper Heights

The Wabbit saw no sign of Lapinette from the walkway, but he could hear sporadic gunfire. So he climbed to the roof of the Santo Volto Church. It was a cumbersome climb. Despite everything he accomplished it with speed - but just as his paw reached over the parapet, another shot rang out. His head swiveled. He caught sight of Lapinette firing at something or someone on the roof of an adjacent building. A bullet ricocheted from a chimney and then Lapinette vanished. The Wabbit hopped to the edge of the church building and judged the distance. He shook his head. Even if he made a super jump he knew he couldn't reach the opposite roof. There was no option but to drop to ground level and hare across Via Nole. He was just about to return the way he came when he heard a noise and another shot. The sounds were getting closer, so he decided to stay where he was and watch. Something scuttled across the church courtyard. It was fast and the Wabbit couldn't really see what it was - but whatever it was scuttled back. Now the Wabbit could make out Lapinette edging round the corner of the church. He saw her run in pursuit. The Wabbit shrugged and dropped over the edge to a window halfway down. Then he jumped the rest, shrunk into the brickwork and waited.

1. The Wabbit and Target Practice

The Wabbit was between missions and as usual he was bored - although he preferred to think of it as being ennuied. The term had more of an existential ring to it - and in consequence, he felt marginally better. Pluto Park and a bit of target practice would banish ennui and bring him to a state of existential dasein. He lifted his automatic and looked down the barrel. "I'll be in the world," he thought, "and experience the temporality of existence." Using a dead rabbit's paw shooting deck and a steel target for safety, he lined up carefully and fired several shots. All of them hit the designated targets and made a healthy ping. The Wabbit shrugged. Another wave of ennui swept over him. The Wabbit seldom resorted to weapons, but he did enjoy weaponry skills. He sighed, because on this occasion he needed more of a challenge. He lifted his automatic again, then just as he squinted at the target, a shot rang out from behind. He swung around to see Lapinette fire several rounds from her own gun. He couldn't make out a target. Whatever was there was well hidden. He heard her call out, "Get down Wabbit!" and he dropped as a bullet whistled between his ears. He sprawled on the concrete, but the park was open with little cover. The Wabbit scowled. "When I said target practice, I didn't mean me!" He saw Lapinette hopping up a flight of metal stairs onto a walkway and he heard more shots. So he hunched down and loped as fast as he could in pursuit ...

The Wabbit at his Adventure Caffè

The team met with the Wabbit at the Caffè he'd selected and then stood back in horror. "This place is closed," said Wabsworth. "I've never known it open," said Lapinette. The Wabbit grinned long and hard. "I was thinking of buying it." Everyone burst out laughing - including Skratch who was arriving late as usual. "It's awful," meowed Skratch. "Exactly," said the Wabbit, "And that's exactly how we'll market it." "Did he say 'we'?" asked Wabsworth. The Wabbit waved his paws in excitement. Lapinette sighed, but the Wabbit continued. "We'll open when no-one is really looking - and then when they do take a look it will be closing." Skratch hissed. "Ah. You mean to catch the in-crowd!" "Yes," shrugged the Wabbit, "but we won't let them in." Wabsworth let out an android guffaw. "People will flock, Wabbit. You missed your vocation." Skratch purred in agreement. "That's all very well. But maybe you'd like to know what kind of adventure you just had?" Lapinette cheered. The Wabbit joined in. "It was primarily a discourse of otherness," meowed Skratch. Lapinette wrinkled her nose. "Otherness is a problematic concept. Use of otherness is designed to threaten and frighten." Wabsworth chipped in. "That's alterity. It's a common phenomenon in all societies." The Wabbit nodded his head. "Every other is truly other. But no other is wholly other." "That's Derrida!" yelled Lapinette. "Derrida was other," laughed Skratch.
[The philosopher Derrida is considered the founder of deconstruction as a method of critiquing texts and institutions.]