The Wabbit and his Adventure Caffè

It was blisteringly hot and the team met inside the Adventure Caffè. Skratch the Cat was on duty behind the bar and he welcomed everyone with a mighty meaow. "Ask the question Skratch!" cheered the Wabbit. "I will!" smiled Skratch; "What was that for a sort of freaky adventure?" Wabsworth gently pulled Tipsy into the bar, but she didn't need much pulling. "It belongs to the rather old genre of the road movie," said Wabsworth. "A special representational anchoring, necessarily rooted in recognition," nodded Skratch. "Speaking of anchors, the sun is well past the yardarm," said Tipsy. "I'll get the drinks," laughed Skratch. "The shark was this big!" yelled Lapinette suddenly. She threw her paws wide. So did everyone else. "It looked bigger," suggested the Wabbit. "What happened to the shark?" asked Wabsworth. "I hit it on the nose so hard its teeth rattled," grinned the Wabbit. Lapinette snorted. "It still has a chunk of his fur." Skratch scratched the corner of the bar. "The episodic nature of the adventure provided a staggered lurching, rather like an army truck." Wabsworth chuckled. "It was thematic foregrounding. The protagonists had no control of mysterious happenings." The Wabbit chortled. "The sequence was the adventure." Tipsy lurched forward and spoke directly to Skratch. "Any danger of you bringing me a little dwink?" "Tipsy! That's a trope," meaowed Skratch. "I can take a twope," shrugged Tipsy.

6. The Wabbit and Tipsy's Findings

The Wabbit had tasked Tipsy to go over the truck with the finest tooth comb she could muster. Mist shrouded the building and the Wabbit's fur felt damp. "Find anything?" Tipsy laughed and took the miniature whisky that the Wabbit quietly proffered. She tucked it into the top of her frock.  "I found two things." She pushed a CD ROM into his paw. The Wabbit winced because he recognised it. It contained a series of modifications for Quantum the Train's lattice drive. "Don't worry Commander," said Tipsy, "it wasn't anything to do with your CD." She held out a shim. "This naughty washer is a weensy teensy bit out of phase." She spun the shim in the air and it hung for a while. Then it dropped into Tipsy's paw. "But not all the time," she added. "What's it out of phase with?" asked the Wabbit. He shoved the CD ROM deep into his fur with an exaggerated air of innocence. "Us," said Tipsy. The Wabbit looked at the building and then at Tipsy. "Did you try putting it back?" "I made copies," smiled Tipsy, "and refitted every washer in the truck."  Together they watched the truck moving up and down the building. "It's controllable," sighed the Wabbit with some relief. Tipsy raised her whisky miniature in the direction of the truck, then drained it in a single gulp. "For the most part..."

5. Lapinette and the Way to Drive

Lapinette drove through the dark and the dark seemed endless. But she saw a chink of light and she drove straight at it. There was crash and a lot of splintering as she hurtled through three corridors, down a flight of stairs and into a luxurious office. A panoramic window loomed. She pumped the throttle, shot through it and braked. The lorry stopped, half in, half out of a tall office block. The Wabbit looked down. "How many floors in this tower?" Lapinette grinned. "Thirty five counting the roof restaurant." "I know this building," said the Wabbit; "It's new. It's bioclimatic." "Not any more." giggled Lapinette. The Wabbit counted the floors. "How do we get down?" Lapinette made a calculation, then winked. She inched the truck forward until it pivoted on the rear axle. Then she gritted her teeth. "We drive down." The Wabbit braced. The truck lurched over until its front wheels touched the side of the building. Lapinette jabbed the throttle. The rear tyres bumped over the edge. She crashed the truck into reverse and stood on the brakes. The truck began to slide down. The Wabbit jerked the handbrake on. Lapinette gunned the throttle. Tyres groaned. Burning rubber fumes made them cough. Suddenly gravity grabbed the truck and it dropped with a slam. "Aaaagh!" yelled the Wabbit. But knobby tyres grabbed at the tower. The truck clung. Then with a squeal like a thousand bats - and a lot of smoke - it slid quietly to the bottom. "This wheel's on fire!" yelled Lapinette.

4. The Wabbit and the Road to Hell

The Wabbit wished he hadn't said it, but he was getting annoyed. "This truck can go to hell." Suddenly they were surrounded by flames that licked at their fur. Lapinette dived into the driver's seat and tried to steer through the flames. "Some like it hot," she murmured. She gritted her teeth against the searing heat and pumped the throttle - to no avail. The Wabbit stared into the blaze. "I see a strange fire bird." His ears began to singe and when the acrid smell reached Lapinette, she wrinkled her nose. "That's purely mythological. Is it like a Phoenix?" "It looks more like a fire chicken," replied the Wabbit. Lapinette thought the Wabbit was suffering from smoke inhalation. "Do you still have these Wabtex weather packs?" The Wabbit searched his fur. He pulled out several Wabtex packs and frowned. "They're well past their freeze-by date." "Throw them anyway," said Lapinette. The Wabbit's teeth flashed as he jettisoned all the packs. They looked quite ordinary but they began to sparkle in the heat and exploded in a vast shower of ice shards. The flames died and things grew dim. Lapinette peered through the windscreen at a sea of black. She shrugged and tried the throttle again. With a roar of the engine, the truck shot into the darkness ...

3. The Wabbit and the Deep Blue Sea

The truck's descent took them over the sea. It was blue. Very blue indeed. And that was all there was. The truck settled on the surface. The engine died and everything became quiet, save for the sound of the waves and something they couldn't identify. "I'll look around," said the Wabbit. Lapinette didn't like the sea. It moved too much. But the Wabbit dived in with a merry shout. "Come on in, the water's fine!" It didn't look fine to Lapinette. The truck rose with the sea's swell and she felt like washing in a laundromat. The Wabbit swam around the truck and back. He shook his head. "Nothing. No explanation." Lapinette smiled. "Maybe it's a magic truck." The Wabbit bobbed up and down. "It didn't used to be." "Did you check the tyres?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit took in a mouthful of water and spluttered. "I hardly think pressure matters at the moment." Lapinette shook her head. "Maybe there's something inside the tyres." "I hadn't thought of that," said the Wabbit; "I'll dive down and have a look." But Lapinette saw something. "Not just yet. Come back." "I'll do it in a jiffy, won't be long," said the Wabbit. At that moment he turned to see a mouthful of serrated teeth headed straight at him. "Yikes!" he yelled. He swam fast for the truck and grabbed Lapinette's paw. "Are there killer sharks in the Med?" "Seven," said Lapinette. "Phew, not so many," said the Wabbit. "Seven species," sighed Lapinette.
[Background photograph: Camilla Galli da Bino]

2. The Wabbit at the Top of the World

The truck would not behave. Even Lapinette was unable to prevent it shooting upwards until it was some height above the city. It was cold and the air was thin, but the truck's engine throbbed on with a consistent clatter. The Wabbit checked everything inside but there was no sign of modification. He hopped outside and Lapinette followed him. Together they clambered over and under the truck but nothing appeared out of the ordinary. The Wabbit peered down. He made a wry smile then shut his eyes. "What are you doing?" asked Lapinette. "Praying," replied the Wabbit. "Who to?" asked Lapinette. "Any gods I can think of," smiled the Wabbit. Lapinette was quiet for a moment but then she said, "Any reply?" "Nothing whatsoever," sighed the Wabbit. Lapinette shivered. "You'd think up here they'd be able to get through." The truck engine hesitated and wheezed so they clambered back in the cab. With a cough and a splutter the engine stopped. The truck began to fall, slowly at first but quickly picking up speed. City streets rushed towards them. The Wabbit turned away from the window and shrugged. "Maybe a god did answer." The truck's descent slowed and the engine sprang to life. Lapinette laughed. "Deus ex machina?"

1. The Wabbit and the Panoramic View

"This truck is still on loan to my unit," murmured Lapinette. She'd reluctantly agreed to the Wabbit's plan to jump it from the top of the hill at Superga. Every jump raised funds for his favourite charity and he was heavily sponsored. He'd done it before, so all being well, things would go to plan. The truck left the ground at the predetermined point and fell gracefully towards a ramp down by the river. She took in the view. "Bella panorama!" yelled the Wabbit. The horizon suddenly tilted as something lifted the truck and propelled them into the air. Lapinette watched the city swirl under the truck. "What the Binky!" groaned the Wabbit. "Turbulence?" suggested Lapinette. She held on tight as the truck wafted sideways over Lingotto. The Wabbit sank back and folded his paws. "No control." He reached for his walkie talkie but it fell and lodged under his seat. "You didn't retro-fit the truck?" asked Lapinette hopefully. The Wabbit grimaced. "On loan." He tried a few switches then pulled the handbrake just for fun. The truck stopped and hung in the air. He touched the throttle. The truck slewed forward. He tried reverse. The truck edged back. Lapinette frowned. "What will make it go down?" Her stomach lurched as the truck dropped. The ground came up fast. "Go up," shouted the Wabbit. Nothing happened. "Go up!" shouted Lapinette. The truck climbed skywards. "Tell your truck to behave!" yelled the Wabbit ...

11. The Wabbit and the Leaseback

Hardhack Rat and Lovely Lapinette met the Wabbit for a briefing in the secret DWA viewing theatre in Via Nizza. There, they looked at graphs and charts and analysed figures. "The market hardly recovered," said Lapinette. "Collateral damage," smiled the Wabbit. Hardhack was anxious to squeeze more life out the system and the Wabbit looked at him shrewdly. "Would you like to be in charge of my Dinosaur Fund?" Hardhack was delighted. "When do I start?" "Right now," yelled Lapinette. She waved at the chart. "We punished our enemies but innocent investors were caught in the operation." The Wabbit agreed that restitution should be made. Hardhack thought for a second. "I can hack back to the brokers." "That's a start," said Lapinette. "Afterwards, how much do we have left?" The Wabbit flicked imaginary lint from his fur. "€57 million - give or take fees or charges." "Which I am duty bound to minimise," said Hardback. "It's in our Articles of Association," explained the Wabbit. Lapinette raised both eyes. Her ears quivered. Suddenly she waved at the piles of notes. "Where's the rest of the money?" "At the Bank of Despond," said Hardhack. Lapinette gasped. "Our personal guards seized the building," shrugged the Wabbit. "Ours now," laughed Hardhack. Lapinette sighed. "The Department wants that building." "Sold to the Department!" shouted the Wabbit. Hardback's eyes gleamed as he made a note.  " ... and leased back."

10. The Wabbit and the Big Spike

"Nearly there!" said Hardhack. His ratty claws flew across the keyboard as he whistled 'Carolina Moon' This was getting on the Wabbit's nerves. "Is it working?" sighed the Wabbit. "Oh yes," said Hardhack; "This optimistic news will hike the price." He continued to type and whistle. Tipsy flourished a wad of crypto keys and giggled. "We're gonna pump and dump." The Wabbit hopped patiently, clutching a shovel which he'd thought might be useful. He tried to keep up with the bitcoin market jargon, and waited. Hardhack entered all the key numbers. Tipsy opened a briefcase console and interfaced with the servers.  Hardhack nodded to the Wabbit. "OK, Commander. Tipsy just sold you the keyholders' bitcoins. Then you sold them to me. Tipsy bought them back and now I have them." Tipsy checked her console monitor. "We have a spike." She bought the coins back. The spike climbed and went on climbing. "She's mooning!" yelled Tipsy. It peaked, dropped like a stone, then climbed rapidly again. "Now Hardhack! Fly me to the moon," shouted Tipsy. "Selling, selling, selling - all sold." said Hardhack. The spike peaked again, then fell rapidly. "The Market has been suspended," smiled Tipsy. "So who's left with the bag?" chuckled Hardhack. "I think I know," grinned the Wabbit.
[Tipsy is carrying a specially adopted Fang Battlebox, a powerful gamer's computer.  Bag refers to a bagholder, a trader left with low value coins who hopes they will improve in value. Mooning refers to the unwanted spikes in value, Pump and Dump relies on inflating bitcoin value then offloading onto gullible victims. Bitcoin slang can be found here. The background picture is the Chinese Sunway TaihuLight computer. It appears to be a publicity shot, no credit is available.]

9. The Three Muses and BitBubbles

The Three Muses swept onto a trading floor and swayed like the Ronettes. "Where are the coins we cannot see?" Tipsy held out three coins and they made a clinking klanking sound as she chanted. Fitzy swayed gracefully. "Someone has them under lock and key!" "Who?" stated Mitzy. They all shouted at the same time. "The Wabbit!" Tipsy threw the three coins in the air. "The Wabbit chases triple trouble." "The Wabbit meets triple trouble halfway," sang Mitzy. She and Fitzy changed places while Tipsy stepped forward and juggled the coins. Suddenly, she snatched one. The rest hung in the air and became bubbles. "Who will vouch for this coin?" asked Tipsy. "Me," shouted Mitzy. "Me," shouted Fitzy. "We three agree," said Tipsy. She threw the remaining coin in the air. It evaporated. The droplets hung like a blanket in the stale air of the exchange. "The coin has gone, I don't know where," shouted Fitzy. "It's in that cloud, I do declare," answered Mitzy. The three turned, faced outwards and chanted. "Bankers cry in lamentation. Their money's gone from circulation." "No fees!" shouted Fitzy. "No charges!" yelled Mitzy. "And no interest!" screamed Tipsy. She raised both paws and smiled. "They're not going to be happy!" "This is a Greek Chorus," grinned Mitzy. "We don't do happy."

[Stock exchange graphic courtesy of Katrina.Tuliao at Trading Group. The Bitcoin graphic is the prevailing publicity logo of Bitcoin]

The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè

"Our table is reserved," frowned Wabsworth. It was their favourite table at the Adventure Caffè and was usually left alone. "I booked it in your name," said the stranger. "Thank you!" said Wabsworth. He bowed to the stranger. Skratch the Cat leaned across and hissed. "What kind of adventure is this for goodness sake?" The stranger smiled. "It's an iconographic deconstruction of ideology." Skratch didn't buy it. "Who are you exactly?" The stranger squinted his eyes. "I am the Outside Auditor." Lapinette waved politely. "You know all about this affair?" The Auditor nodded. "It's part of a plan to manipulate currencies and economies." The Wabbit grew impatient and butted in. "How do we go forward with all this?" The Auditor grinned. "Let's give the Gangbankers what they want." The Wabbit's eyes lit up. "Destabilisation!" Wabsworth was the Wabbit's android double and Lapinette knew he could think fast. "What's the most destabilizing thing we could do?" "Spend their money," said Wabsworth."Ostentatiously," said the Wabbit. "Hardhack will hit the bitcoin stock markets in two precise strikes," said Wabsworth." "The market will spike," agreed the Auditor. "Panic ensues," meaowed Skratch. "... and the Gangbankers will be caught in the crossfire," shrugged the Wabbit. "Bang bang"" yelled Lapinette.

8. The Wabbit and the Bitcoin Mine

Hardhack Rat saw the Wabbit arrive but he was much too busy to stop. "I found everything!" he yelled. Tipsy paused and drank her coffee. "We found it." She put a paw to her lips for silence. The Wabbit waited to find out what had been found. The supercomputer was rather noisy and its hum hung in the air like a cloud. The Wabbit angled his ears and listened carefully. "Cut them blades loose, Tipsy." murmured Hardhack. "Many blades cut quickly," chuckled Tipsy. Hardhack began to dictate a steady flow of code. Tipsy's paws flew. The computer hummed dangerously. It seemed to take forever but the code kept coming. "More drink," said Tipsy. She drained the cup, made a few adjustments and glanced behind at a monitor. "We're so rich," she gurgled. "What gives?" snapped the Wabbit. Hardhack ignored him and spoke to Tipsy. "They're all forked?" Tipsy slapped the Bitcoin miner with glee. "Double forked and packing our wallets." Hardhack finally turned to the Wabbit and waved a 50 euro note. "They liquidised some of your Dinosaur Fund." "Then they reverse-laundered Bitcoin access keys into the notes, like tabs of acid." said Tipsy. "Bitcoin Bonanza," grinned Hardhack. The Wabbit shrugged. "Can we cash 'em in?" "Not without my help," said a voice ...

7. Tipsy and the Hardhack Solution

Hardhack Rat had never met Tipsy but he knew all about her. "What are you doing here Tipsy?" Tipsy's laugh was like water trickling over smooth rocks. "I have an ickle job for you," she said; "It's from the Wabbit." Tipsy pulled wads of low denomination bank notes for her frock and threw them in Hardhack's direction. She dusted her paws. "Maybe you could tell me if you have a 3D printer?" Hardhack was delighted. "Of course I have." Tipsy smiled sweetly. "Then perhaps you could print me a little dwink?" "No problem," nodded Hardhack. He pressed a button and turned to sort through the banknotes. He studied them for a while, then studied them some more. Only then did he look up. "What is the nature of the financial inquiry?" he asked. Tipsy pouted. "The Wabbit wants to know where the notes have been." "They look as if they've been washed," sighed Hardhack. Tipsy giggled. "The Wabbit says dirty money has its very own indelible trace." Hardhack thought the Wabbit said a lot of things, but he took the notes nonetheless. "I'll have to scan them and subject them to rigorous probing." "Probe on," suggested Tipsy.  Hardhack smiled and lifted a coffee pot. "Your drink is ready." Tipsy looked at the coffee with horror. "It's spiked with amaro," grinned Hardhack.
[Background photo credit:Argonne National Laboratory under the specified license]

6. Wabsworth & the Outside Auditor

Wabsworth was an android copy of the Wabbit and knew all the tricks of the spook trade. The stranger looked like a banker, so he trailed him along the porticos, keeping a suitable distance. But in the quiet of the early hours, he had no option but to make himself visible. The stranger was well aware he had company but paid no particular attention. He was interested solely in empty properties and closed down shops. Wabsworth watched as he peered through shutters and rattled letterboxes. Occasionally he heard him dictate notes into a recorder in a strange language. "He's talking shorthand," thought Wabsworth. He grinned to himself. "Maybe he's an endangered species." His circuits whined as he ran images through a finance database. There were bankers, accountants, stockbrokers, insurers, even arbitrageurs. But no match emerged for the man in the suit. The stranger made a sudden stop and looked back. Wabsworth dodged behind a pillar out of professional courtesy. The stranger slipped a hand in his jacket and took out a crumpled note, which he dropped indifferently on the sidewalk. Then he walked briskly on. Wabsworth let him go. He bent down, scooped up the scrap of paper and tucked it in his fur. "A pizzino," murmured Wabsworth. He knew a pizzino wasn't a small pizza, it was a coded message. "Now I know who you are," murmured Wabsworth.
[Used by the Sicilian mafia, a pizzino is a small slip of paper carrying high level communications. First mentioned in the Adventures here in our early days.]

5. The Wabbit and the Horse's Mouth

For the Wabbit and Lapinette, it was child's play to break in. "This it is," said the Wabbit. He pointed to the bottom of a flight of steps, where two statues stood guard. "Dark horses," murmured the Wabbit. "Better keep an eye on them," whispered Lapinette. The Wabbit heard a horse whinny and noticed the shake of a head. He glanced in the indicated direction. A washing machine in the corner revolved and splashed gently. The Wabbit ears twitched. He held up a paw and listened. It was playing looped sound composed of metallic chinks. Then the machine span rapidly and stopped with a shudder. Lapinette heard tinkly piano jazz. The Wabbit crept round the back, reached across and pressed a button. With a bang, the door shot open and money sprayed out. Lapinette lifted a sodden note. "These are so, so low denomination." The Wabbit shrugged. "Things went sour for the Bank of Despond?" Lapinette pondered for a second. "Maybe the money you moved broke the bank." The Wabbit frowned. ".. and they want revenge." The washing machine door crashed shut and the drum clattered. "I hear ominous ticking," said Lapinette. They backed abruptly away but bounced from a dark horse, who squealed long and hard, then snickered. Lapinette looked it straight in the flank. "Should we stay? See what comes out in the wash?" The dark horse shook his head vigorously.  "Nay," translated the Wabbit.