The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè

It was a pleasant afternoon at the Adventure Caffè and, as usual, Skratch made a sudden entrance. "Sorry I'm late," he meaowed; "I was detained by the movies." The Wabbit grinned. "You're nearly too late for the big question." Skratch made for a spare seat. "Cats are never late," he purred. He looked down at Spring Rabbit, who had mysteriously appeared next to Wabsworth. "What is your critical view of your adventure, Spring Rabbit?" Spring Rabbit sprung into Wabsworth's lap and spoke in a soft voice. "It falls into the category I recognise as trickamagical. A silence fell. "Please elaborate," smiled Wabsworth with interest. Spring Rabbit settled. "The discourse was mobilised by magic, executed by tricksters. We all transgressed the boundaries of empirical fact." "Skratch nodded gravely and was about to hold forth. But Wabsworth was anxious to give his opinion. "Real sorcerers resort to tricks when magic doesn't work. The line between the two is fuzzy." Lapinette was impatient. "It doesn't matter, because the exclusive aim of magic is to produce results." Spring Rabbit laughed, then vanished briefly and reappeared. Everyone gasped. "You'll always work," laughed the Wabbit.

8. The Wabbit and the Money Form

The Wabbit lifted the remaining coin and looked at Spring Rabbit. "What's it to be?" he asked. Behind him, tourists scattered into the city taking their free coins with them. The shapes separated from the coins and became listless untethered shadows. Spring Rabbit briefly touched the coin that was left, then sprang back. He looked into the distance. "There go the shapes. How did you know?" The Wabbit shrugged. "We gave the coins away free, gratis and for nothing. It was more than the shapes could bear." "Poetic justice," observed Spring Rabbit. The Wabbit turned to watch. The shapes looked without hope. They could no longer live profitably in the coins, so penniless and homeless, they shuffled into the night. The Wabbit tapped the coin. "What do you want to do?" "The coin is a prison house," said Spring Rabbit; "I will not return. How much is it worth in your money?" "It might fetch a million euro at auction," said the Wabbit. "Keep it, it's yours," said Spring Rabbit. The Wabbit mentally consigned it to the Museum. "Now I need work," said Spring Rabbit. "Can you remember any magic tricks?" asked the Wabbit. Spring Rabbit vanished momentarily then returned. "That's all very well," smiled the Wabbit, "but can you saw a scantily clad lady in half?" "I can pull one out of a hat," said Spring Rabbit.

7. The Wabbit and the Sudden Census

The Wabbit and Spring Rabbit couldn't haul the ghostly coins all over town, so the Wabbit came up with a plan. Together they stacked the coins and piled them neatly on the tramway. Then they waited. "Some days you get lucky," muttered the Wabbit. The historic tram clanked into sight, full of tourists. The Wabbit plucked a police stop sign from his fur and signalled the driver to stop. There was a hiss and a spray of sand as the driver braked the tram. "This is a census," yelled the Wabbit.  The driver leaned out and spoke grouchily. "What kind of census?" "Spending census," shouted the Wabbit. "Obligatory!" He waved the sign. Had it not been for the sign the driver would have proceeded, but he was cautious. Only the police could use that sign and he worried for his pension. The Wabbit continued in an official manner. "Everyone on the tram is obliged to say how much money they spent today." Spring Rabbit looked through the door and saw tourists hastily making notes. "Each participating tourist will receive one of these coins entirely gratis," shouted the Wabbit. He tapped the piles of coins with the sign. Tourists stepped from the tram until it was empty. The Wabbit waved the sign at the driver. "Proceed!" he yelled. The tram rattled into the distance. Spring distributed the coins - and one by one the tourists drifted away. But there was one coin left ...

6. The Wabbit and the Shape of Money

The Wabbit and Spring Rabbit made their way down the gloomy porticos in search of a hiding place for the coins. But the further they went, the heavier and the hotter became the coins. They had no option but to put them down. "Not a great place," murmured the Wabbit. Suddenly the coins moved and clunked in a dull way that froze the Wabbit's bones. It was a slurping slapping noise like chains dragging through oil. The Wabbit drew back behind a pillar and watched as shadows emerged. At first they looked like floating wisps of oily smoke, - but as they grew, they changed into shapes that stepped from between the coins and walked and talked. The shapes spoke of exchange, of buying and selling, of old deals and new deals. Their conversations turned to speculation and profits and accumulation. They argued about power and how to get it. They looked in the shops and laughed and wished them closed so they could make fast cash from the empty site. Spring Rabbit motioned for stillness and that was hard for the Wabbit to do. So he shrank back against the pillar and gritted his teeth. With lightning speed, the shapes wheeled and returned to the heap of coins. An eerie devilish chant echoed along the arches. "Pecuniate obediunt omnia!" They vanished into the coins. Spring Rabbit breathed a long sigh and translated. "All things obey money." The Wabbit snarled. "Obedience is over-rated."

5. Mitzy, Tipsy, Fitzy and the Money

Lapinette's Guard swept into the deserted space, turned to face out and bowed. "Anyone here?" asked Tipsy. "Not a soul." said Fitzy. "Where is the Wabbit now the dust has settled?" said Tipsy. "Gone looking for trouble?" said Fitzy. "Gone with the money," said Mitzy. "Gone with the golden rabbit," said Tipsy. She pirouetted and yelled. "The Wabbit prefers trouble to money." Using a mosaic as a skateboard Mitzy coasted around and back, then she shrugged and sang. "Money won't buy him trouble." Fitzy swayed elegantly. "Money's short, always tight, can't buy you love, it's never right." "Money!" yelled Tipsy. Now Mitzy sang. "But if you happen to be rich, turn a switch, it's no hitch." The three stepped forward and shouted simultaneously. "The Wabbit is not rich and he's looking for trouble." Mitzy spread her paws. "He will find it." Fitzy swayed. "He already did." Tipsy plunged a paw into her frock and pulled out a coin. "Could you change a rouble?" Fitzy stuck out a paw. "I'll give you double." Mitzy grabbed it away. "Even though it might be trouble, I'll double that again." Tipsy took the coin back. Her paws blurred. "Abracadabra!"  She held up four coins and smiled. "Look how much money we made." "Hubble bubble ..." murmured Fitzy.

4. The Wabbit and the Second Unit

Footsteps announced the arrival of the Agents. They were sooner than expected. Spring gestured for the Wabbit to snuggle close and then they rubbed ears. The Wabbit felt his fur tingle as they almost vanished - but not quite. They shimmered in the light, neither here nor there - all the Agents saw were confused shadows and ghostly images. "I don't like it here." The first Agent's name was Squatpump and he had a voice like a factory siren. Thrasher, the second Agent watched him. "Lift the slab, Squatpump." There were several grunts. As the Wabbit watched the Agent lift the slab, he slid his paw into his fur and drew out the coin fragment from the museum in Siracusa. Spring summoned a rabbit coin that gave off a ghostly glow as it began to spin. Then he rolled it across the floor. "What's that clinking clanking sound?" asked Squatpump. The Wabbit pitched his coin fragment and it skipped noisily to Squatpump's feet. The Agent dropped the slab on his toes. "You idiot!" yelled Thrasher, "Look there's a note, get it!" Squatpump picked up the note with difficulty and tried to read it. "I can't read joined up writing," he moaned. Thrasher grabbed the note and turned it the right way up. "So was it does say?" whined Squatpump. Thrasher grimaced. "It says abandon hope."

3. The Wabbit and the Stash of Coins

Spring led the Wabbit into the basement and there he gestured to a slab of mosaic. "Under there!"  The Wabbit pulled a metal detector from his fur and pointed. It crackled enthusiastically. The slab was heavy, but the Wabbit tilted it round and hefted it up. A pile of gold coins sparkled in the light. The Wabbit gasped. "Perhaps this is what the Agents were looking for." Spring nodded. "It's the sorcerer's stash. Each contains an epoch of illicit wealth and this is where the bodies are buried." The Wabbit looked puzzled. Spring explained. "All relationships involved remain within the coins. They are the sum of all unfair exchanges. All lives that used the coins are represented there." The Wabbit expelled a single exasperated breath and carefully lowered the mosaic slab to hide the stash. Spring flapped his golden ears. "There are despots, oligarchs, cruel merchants, temporary tyrants, blackmailers, thieves and swindlers." "Charming," said the Wabbit. He stood very still and thought hard. "Why do the Agents of Rabit want this?" "They want to unleash the power in the coins," said Spring. "The power of unfair exchange?" frowned the Wabbit. Spring nodded vigorously. "What shall we do?" The Wabbit grinned. "We could wait for them and hit them on the head." "More will follow," sighed Spring. The Wabbit groaned as he lifted the slab again. "Then the stash has to go..."

2. The Wabbit and the Sorcerer's Coin

The Wabbit took Spring the Rabbit to the Palazzo caffè for a coffee. While they were waiting, Spring watched figures crossing the piazza. He watched for such a long time, the Wabbit had to intervene. "Here comes coffee," he chuckled. Spring chuckled, but ruefully. "I am the rabbit from the coin you sought - but I can't pay, having no coins myself." The Wabbit grinned ear to ear. "They know me here. Would you care for a salad sandwich?" Spring rapidly agreed and he jumped against the Wabbit's fur. "You are my liberator. How can I repay you?" The Wabbit considered. "Maybe you could tell me something about that coin?" Spring sighed deeply and turned to gaze from the window. "These people out there, they buy and sell?" The Wabbit nodded. "And they are themselves bought and sold?" continued Spring. The Wabbit gritted his 28 teeth, but agreed nonetheless. Spring began to tell his story. "An ancient sorcerer did me a great favour but I had no way to repay. He was furious beyond belief and trapped me in a gold coin. I was condemned to imprisonment there forever." "That's a long time," sighed the Wabbit. "I have seen many exchanges," said Spring. He sank against the Wabbit's chest. "I've witnessed bribery, corruption, double-dealing, graft and chicanery." The Wabbit thrust a paw in his fur and he scowled. "You're in danger. You know too much."

1. The Wabbit - Spring not Far Behind

The Wabbit was bored as he usually was between missions. Desperate for something to do, he paid a call to Palazzo Madama to find the real rabbit coin. There was nothing doing. He poked at every brick and paving stone he could see - until he was moved on by a surly attendant. He scowled. "Maybe there is no coin," he murmured: "Maybe it's just a myth." The Wabbit decided to take the stairs to the tower. It was quite a climb but although felt a little puffed after his last adventure, he made headway. The Wabbit decided that he would reach the top, then on the way down he would pick at every brick there was. The coin had to be somewhere. He slogged on, but his ears pricked up when he heard a faint scampering. He turned. There was nothing. He couldn't see anyone or anything. The Wabbit knew that generally in the morning, there weren't many people around. "Mice," shrugged the Wabbit and he resumed his climb. "Spring!" said a voice. "Who said Spring?" said the Wabbit without turning. "Spring isn't far behind," said the voice. The Wabbit turned to look. Nothing. He tapped his paw on the railings and turned back. "I'm Spring!" shouted the voice. With a sigh the Wabbit turned again to see a rabbit scampering up the stairs. It was the colour of shimmering gold and it moved with the grace of an angel. The Wabbit's frown turned into a smile. "What was your name again?"

The Wabbit at his Adventure Caffè

The Adventure Caffè was most pleasant. A gentle breeze blew through the doors and they all relaxed to discuss their most recent adventure. Skratch appeared in in his usual fashion and waited for someone to ask the question. This time it was Tipsy. She was pleased to be at the Adventure Caffè and she wanted to make an impression. "Skratch," she murmured. "What was that for a type of Adventure?" "Well now Tipsy," said Skratch. "That's a whole different question. And a good one." Wabsworth lifted a paw. "A type suggests form and as such, begs the question of content." Tipsy smiled with delight and the Wabbit nudged her. "Museums primarily deal with content," said Tipsy, "... so maybe we could think of it as contentious typology." Lapinette was next. "Yes, but it's not museum locations which constitute a typology but their assembly of contents. That demands specific interrogation as a cultural form." "Mmm. Formal architectural typology," nodded the Wabbit. He tapped a formal paw on a table. "The museum is the architecture of the past. An assembly of artifacts which are to all intents and purposes, dead." Tipsy butted in. "Aren't they then, by definition, the precursor of the new?" Skratch looked at Tipsy with admiration. "What about the visitors? As moving exhibits, do they comprise transvisional content?" "The Wabbit laughed. ""Good name for a band."

9. The Wabbit and the Unsteady Exit

Leaving the Agents prone in the corridor, Tipsy and Lapinette helped the Wabbit from the museum. He was a little wobbly but he grinned broadly and complimented Tipsy and Lapinette on their double act. As they reached the door, the Wabbit looked back. "What about the Coin?" "It's a replica," said Tipsy, "it's all made of ticky tacky." The Wabbit pondered for a moment. "So where's the real coin and what does it do?" "It doesn't do anything you can see," smiled Tipsy," "it just sits around being immensely valuable." "How much is it worth?" asked Lapinette. Tipsy swirled her eyes. "It has no price. It's scarce, rare, unlisted and unpublished." The Wabbit waited for Tipsy tell him where the authentic coin was, but Tipsy was coy. "On the other paw, it is said to have magical powers." "Where - is - it?" growled the Wabbit. Now Tipsy really grinned. "Under a stone in the floor of the Palazzo Madama in Turin." Lapinette was uncertain she's heard the whole truth. "Let's leave the matter there, along with the coin." The Wabbit nodded so hard it hurt his head. He winced. Lapinette tugged his fur. "So. What would you call that for a sort of honeymoon?" The Wabbit giggled. "I'd call it the best one I'd ever had." They all burst into laughter and they were still laughing when they found their way out.

8. The Wabbit and the Coveted Coin

The Agents grinned. The rabbit had come back and she'd brought what they wanted. Tipsy sat down and polished the coin with the hem of her frock. She hummed gently in a beguiling tone that the two Agents found mesmerizing. She rocked the coin in her arms and swayed from side to side until the lead Agent lost his temper. "You've had too much to drink," he sneered. "Oh, I'd love a little dwink," said Tipsy, "Do you have one?" She held the coin aloft. "Look I can pay - with this money." "Give us the coin," yelled the Agent angrily. Tipsy swayed. "Where's my dwink?" The Agent sighed and turned to look at the Wabbit. The Wabbit seemed to be unconscious so he turned back. But the Wabbit had raised himself to a crouch. "The coin," said the Agent. He gestured at Tipsy. "All right," smiled Tipsy. With a sudden twist, she propelled the coin into the air. The Agents grabbed at it in a flurry of paws, but it escaped their grasp. The Wabbit watched it hover. He lurched to his feet and pulled Lapinette's automatic from his fur. In a second that felt like an age, he tilted the gun to the side and fired. The coin sheared and a fragment flew off. The lead Agent howled. "Kill them. Kill them both." The other Agent shouted, "You do it."  He turned and ran from the room. The Wabbit heard gunfire from the corridor, followed by a heavy thud. He rubbed his head and grinned. "I think I'm in charge now."

7. Lapinette and the Quick Change

Lapinette took off and ran in search of a coin. She figured any coin would be enough to stall the Agents and she'd seen plenty of coins in museum displays. She flashed down a never ending series of corridors. Artifacts flew past on both sides - but where were the coins? She heard a voice. A figure was running towards her, carrying a large coin that bore a rabbit engraving. "Lapinette!" yelled Tipsy. They slid to a halt. "I'm taking your place." said Tipsy. She shrugged off her frock and threw it on the floor. Lapinette looked puzzled. "Orders," said Tipsy. With lightning speed they changed frocks. "But what about our ears?" sighed Lapinette. "Mine are cosmetic," grinned Tipsy. She unclasped her ear covers and gave them to Lapinette. Now Tipsy was Lapinette. She tucked the coin into her fur. "Where are they?" Lapinette thought for a moment. "Ten corridors down, two left, three right." Tipsy started to run, but Lapinette called her back. "What am I supposed to do now?" "Fitzy and Mitzy will find you." Tipsy sped on and Lapinette sped the other way. But only for a moment. When Tipsy was out of sight, she turned and followed her. She padded the many corridors at a stealthy pace but when she heard voices, she stopped. She checked Tipsy's frock. There was one automatic, an edged weapon and a hand held precision missile. She grinned a lopsided grin like the Wabbit, and breathed. "Everything a girl needs."

6. Lapinette and the Coin Gang

The Agent swung Lapinette into the room by an ear and her automatic flew out of her paw. She slithered across the floor. The Wabbit lay prone, moaning as if he'd been dragged out of bed early. The lead agent shook Lapinette. "Now go and get it!" he yelled. He shook her some more. "Get what?" asked Lapinette. Her head swam. "The coin. Get the coin," said the lead Agent. Lapinette shook her head and played for time. "I don't know anything about coins." The Agent laughed. "You're an expert in numismatics. We don't have all day, get the coin." Lapinette did know a great deal about coins and puzzled desperately. What coin were they so desperate to acquire? She had no clue. The other agent viciously kicked the Wabbit. "We're wasting time." "She knows where it is," said the lead Agent. He looked at Lapinette and snarled. "You have 5 minutes to get us the coin." He slapped the Wabbit's ear viciously back and forward, and yelled at Lapinette. "Five minutes. Start running or the Wabbit's toast." Lapinette spotted the Wabbit's ear fluttering a strange rhythm. "Morse Code!" thought Lapinette. She watched carefully as the ear twitched .-. ..- -. "Run," translated Lapinette. She staggered to her feet. "I'll get it," she nodded - and she ran. The Agents watched her go. But behind them, the Wabbit was reaching for the fallen automatic ...

5. Lapinette and the Deadly Pursuit

Lapinette flew through corridor after corridor. Each was lined with old coins and each looked exactly the same as the last. She could hear voices and her feet skimmed the museum floor as she followed the sounds. They didn't seem so far away, but the museum was a labyrinth and it was hard to tell where they came from. She heard a bang, then a shout - followed by a racket and a bit of a hubbub. It seemed like the Wabbit was giving as good as he got, but she couldn't be certain. The Agents of Rabit were tricky and their methods unsavoury, so she ran even faster. Suddenly she slithered to a halt and peered around a corner. She could see two Agents pulling the Wabbit into a room, laughing their derisive laugh as they went. "Not so smart now, Wabbit!" said one. She crouched low and waited. A chair slammed against a wall, then a sudden slap cracked like a whip. She heard the Wabbit say something and there were two more slaps. "Wabbit, this is not the time for jokes." It was only a murmur under Lapinette's breath but it was too loud. A door flew open and an Agent peered out. She rapidly aimed and fired. The Agent clutched his foot and screamed and swore like a trooper. Then he grabbed Lapinette by the ears and dragged her into the room ...