2. The Wabbit and the Fourth Kind

It had the outer appearance of Earth's moon, but that was the end of any resemblance. The planetoid was ruggedly shelved and it took a while to land. Terrain was difficult. Gravity was grim. Lapinette and the Wabbit scouted the territory but it needed agility and a lot of effort. "It's a good thing we can hop," said Lapinette. "We hop, therefore we are," panted the Wabbit. Lapinette's ears shook as the ground trembled. The radio crackled angrily and Wabsworth's tone was urgent. "Reading seismic activity." The Wabbit focused his special glasses. "I can see whiskers," he murmured, "giant whiskers." "And I heard scrabbling," said Lapinette. The Wabbit guessed things were serious. "What kind of scrabbling?" Lapinette hissed softly. "Scrabbling of the Fourth Kind." "Oooh, supernatural," breathed the Wabbit.  A chattering dislodged a few rocks. Wabsworth hopped away from the precipice. A series of scratching noises reverberated in the cavern - edgier than Morse Code. Wabsworth's radio burst into life. "I was expecting you," cooed a voice. In the distance, he saw the Wabbit's paw make a circular motion that suggested time wasting. "Caller, please identify yourself. State your name, business and favourite soccer team." More rocks tumbled. "I am Wabakaguya, Goddess." "And the team, if you please," said Wabsworth slowly. "Urawa Red Diamonds," yelled the voice. "Slogan?" continued Wabsworth. "No-one likes us we don't care," shouted the Goddess.

1. The Wabbit & the Bad Acid Jerker

The Wabbit watched the craft leave. "Good riddance," shrugged Lapinette. But it didn't go quickly enough. "We haven't seen the last of them," said the Wabbit, "we may need our photon torpedoes." Quantum the Train gave a hollow laugh. "I'm a train. Trains don't come with artillery." Lapinette couldn't help laughing, but stopped immediately when Quantum said, "We only have that experimental weapon you were developing, Commander." Lapinette put her paws over her ears. "I don't want to hear it." The Wabbit smirked. "It's already proved rather effective." "What on?" sighed Lapinette. "Soft toys," said the Wabbit. Quantum's voice boomed. "I liked that name you gave it, Wabbit." "The Bad Acid Jerker?" laughed the Wabbit. "It's a working title." Lapinette was far from amused. So the Wabbit reached into his fur and pressed a hidden button. The other craft suddenly stopped, shuttled backwards, then forwards again. It had gained only one meter. "Oh let me try!" shouted Lapinette. She reached deep into the Wabbit's fur and pressed several times. The craft jerked like a crazy pin ball but made little distance. "That's hold 'em," said the Wabbit. "Until what?" asked Lapinette. "Until we get there," said the Wabbit, pointing. A moon identical to earth's glimmered dimly in the light of the Sombrero Galaxy. "Lattice drive, Quantum," said the Wabbit. "Reach for that moon."

The Wabbit's Adventure Dining Car

The Wabbit gritted his 28 teeth and called again. "Unidentified craft, respond." Lapinette knew he'd keep trying and gave her attention to the monitor. The craft looked just like them - but there was something not quite right. "Quantum, any ideas?" Quantum's voice boomed from the speakers. "It looks like Unit One." Everyone turned. "It's the motor unit from the other end of this train," said Quantum. Even Wabsworth was astonished. "I didn't think there was one." "Unit One was due for dismantling long ago," said Quantum. Now the Wabbit's voice was urgent. "Calling Unit One. Respond." The craft responded. "This is Commander Wabbit. Stand down immediately. Disengage your weapons." "But I am the Wabbit," said the Wabbit. The pause was interminable. "This is the Wabbit," said the radio. "Disengage or we will fire." Skratch crouched and signalled to the Wabbit. "We're caught in a sci-fi trope. The craft and personnel are our opposites." "An anti-Quantum?" suggested Lapinette. Now the Wabbit's voice lilted suggestively into his radio. "Unit One, you have an urgent appointment at the far side of the Universe." "Appointment?" said the craft. "An urgently urgent appointment," replied the Wabbit hypnotically. "They're waiting for you. You must go. Leave now and you'll just have time to be fashionably late." Unit One started to pull away and the radio crackled. "Stay where you are. We'll be back." "No rush," grinned the Wabbit, "we'll break open the liquor cabinets ..."

11. The Wabbit and the Train Home

There were several detonations. The polar caps heaved into a spiral and as the moon tilted back, so did Earth. Quantum shot into deep space like a cork from a bottle. "This is the DWA monitoring station," said a radio voice, "If you wish to leave a message, press 1." The Wabbit chortled and pressed all the buttons he could find. "I'm a time travelling train, not a secretary," boomed Quantum. They all shook as he disengaged lattice drive with a thump and, far from anywhere, they hung in space. "What time is it?" asked Lapinette. "The day before yesterday," said Quantum. The Wabbit gazed from the windscreen and murmured. "We have to get back at exactly the time we left." "Like we were never away," breathed Lapinette. Skratch's voice sounded over the speakers. "Do we have to hang around much longer?" "I'm afraid we're behind the times," said the Wabbit, "we have to catch up." Wabsworth chimed in. "This looks like the Sombrero Galaxy." "Oh," said Lapinette. "I do hope we don't meet anyone we know." The Wabbit nodded his head in considered agreement. "Let's move out of here, Quantum." "Look over there!" said Lapinette. "Steady as she goes," warned the Wabbit as Quantum swung round. Lapinette brought the object on screen and gasped. "It looks like another Quantum!" The Wabbit looked closely.  His fur prickled. "It's not another Quantum, it's us!"

10. Wabsworth and Connectivity

Somewhere behind them a soundless battle raged. Skratch the Cat watched Wabsworth make connections, which he tested with a damp paw. "That goes there," purred Skratch. Wabsworth shook his head. "The Wabbit designed this. Nothing goes where you think." The phone rang and a flash seared a path across Skratch's nose. The phone coughed a message. "The Wabbit is enchanted you rang. Redirecting you now." Skratch felt a wind ruffle his fur and shivered. "We haven't much time, Wabsworth. Is that it?" Wabsworth pulled a set of components from his fur and made another connection. "Connect 'em wires, dem dry wires." he hummed. Device Two burst into life. "This is Radio Luxembourg presenting the Beaver Club with Uncle Eric." Wabsworth nodded approvingly. "Nearly there." Skratch grimaced as Wabsworth began to sing. "Dem wires, dem wires, gonna walk around." His paws blurred as connections snicked into place. A radio whine from Device One set Skratch's teeth on edge. A series of pops and crackles did the same to his fur. "Fifteen seconds to detonations," said Device One, "please clear the neighbourhood." Skratch glanced over his shoulder to glimpse Susan the Biplane diving from an impossible angle. "Get ready to jump," said Wabsworth. But Skratch was already on board, so with one enormous hop, Wabsworth joined him. "Hit it!" he yelled ...

9. The Wabbit and the Shape of Three

The Wabbit plucked a phone from his fur and attached it to his radio. "This is no time for a selfie," said Lapinette. "There's always time for a selfie," replied the Wabbit and he yelled at the radio until feedback simulated an echo. "Selfie, selfie, selfie," whined the phone. The Wabbit took a roll of duct tape and bound radio and phone together. "This," said the Wabbit, "is the Third device." "I don't understand," sighed Lapinette. The Wabbit wrinkled his nose. "We can't find the Third Device. In Department of Danger terms, that means I already have it." Lapinette suddenly smiled. "Now I get it." The Wabbit threw the makeshift device to Wabsworth. "You stand the most chance of success." Wabsworth also smiled. "Because I'm an android?" Skratch grunted with amusement. "Android must speak unto android?" The Wabbit's voice sharpened. "You're going too." Skratch's purr was low and menacing. "Because I'm a cat?" "Because you're the cat's whiskers," said the Wabbit. "You locate the other two devices. Wabsworth will attach all three together." "What happens next?" asked Wabsworth. "The radio will call the phone," said the Wabbit, "then the phone will answer and take a message. You'll have just enough time to rendezvous with us and Susan." "Just enough time?" echoed Lapinette. The Wabbit's 28 teeth flashed. "Enough time to get the hell out of the way ..."

8. The Wabbit and the Force of Venom

The NiGHT riders passed over them with devastating effect. Both moon and earth began to tilt and they all gripped one another because they were tilting too. "Orders?" asked Lapinette. "Watch," said the Wabbit. Several things happened at once. Quantum's quantum lattice beam sliced across the surface and picked out the team. Designed to be impenetrable, no-one had ever tried it before - so the Wabbit poked it with his knife and the beam formed a shield around the blade. "It works," murmured the Wabbit. "Now what should we do?" asked Skratch. "Nothing," said the Wabbit. Lapinette glanced over her shoulder. Hundreds, maybe thousands of red spiders made spiky silhouettes against the Earth's blue glow. The Wabbit's radio crackled with enigmatic space transmissions. "Device Three status activated." "Payloads primed." Lapinette's ears quivered. "Payloads?" "Arachnid venom," shrugged the Wabbit, "it's been trialled." Wabsworth shuddered and so did Skratch. "What's the delivery system?" asked Lapinette. "Bites on the front," explained the  Wabbit. "Then Duetta's spiders will also bite the sides." "But what does Device Three do?" asked Wabsworth. "It's hush hush," said the Wabbit. "What the binky does that mean, Wabbit?" groaned Skratch. The Wabbit grinned. "It means I have no clue ..."

7. The Wabbit and the NiGHT Riders

"Here they come," said the Wabbit. "I feel like we've done this before," said Skratch the Cat. Wabsworth waved a pocket knife. "What we did once, we can very well do again."  Lapinette paused. She took an edged weapon from her frock and ran a paw along the blade. "What did we do again?" she murmured. "Trick our enemies," said the Wabbit. "It would be silly not to," said Skratch. The Nocturnal High Garrison seemed to fly from behind the earth and trailed a swirling dark mist. "Tribulation coming," said Wabsworth. "Tribulation is worse at night," sighed the Wabbit. Lapinette nodded. "How long is night on the moon?" "Two weeks," answered Wabsworth. "Starting when?" said Skratch. "Starting now," said Wabsworth. The Garrison appeared closer. Scythes slashed through whatever atmosphere there was. Galloping clattered on the surface is if at a racetrack. Then the voices came. First they were whispers, then shouts, then finally laughter as they called to each other. "Conquest!" shouted the first. "Power," yelled the second. "Hunger," shouted the third. But the last hung back and raised a mighty sword. "Death to the Wabbit and his kind!" he moaned. The Wabbit's 28 teeth glinted earthlight across the craters. "That sounds like hard work to me," snarled the Wabbit ...

6. The Wabbit and the Hob Goblins

"Run!" shouted the Wabbit.  The Hob Goblins were huge and they bore down on the team with fiery fur-burning breath. "I'd forgotten what day it was!" yelled the Wabbit. "Hallowe'en!" shouted Lapinette. "Samhain!" added Wabsworth, who was rather out of breath for an android. Skratch the Cat said nothing and saved his energy for leaping and pouncing. "Is this the Nocturnal High Garrison of Tribulation?" asked Lapinette. "I don't think so," puffed the Wabbit. "they're just an added bonus." Wabsworth hopped to the side and glanced over his shoulder. "Hobgoblins are mischief makers, not serious contenders."  A bolt of searing heat touched his ears. "We're cooking tonight, earth rabbits." shouted the Goblins. The Wabbit was tired of running and suddenly wheeled around. "DWA!" he yelled. "Stop right there." The Hob Goblins came to a halt and heat fizzled out. Gradually, they faded until nothing remained but a faint smell of hot metal and singed fur. They all looked around. "What next?" asked Skratch, "A visit from the BunnyMan and his axe?" suggested the Wabbit. Lapinette sighed. "I'd rather meet the BunnyMan than the Nocturnal High Garrison of Tribulation." A sudden crash of an axe made them jump. "Now's your opportunity!" moaned a voice. The Wabbit looked at Wabsworth. He shook his head. "That wasn't me." Wabsworth looked at Lapinette. Lapinette shrugged and looked at Skratch. "He's real and he's here," meaowed Skratch.
[DWA: Dept of Wabbit Affairs.  The BunnyMan: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bunny_Man ]

5. The Wabbit and the Next Device

The first device sang merrily and Wabsworth clutched it close to his ear. "Don't go out tonight," it chirruped merrily, "there are mad moons on the rise." But despite the singing, it took the team to an installation distinguished by two curious tunnels. Lapinette scrutinised them. "Portals?" she suggested. Skratch prowled over to have a closer look - but Lapinette was cautious. "Don't go too far, Skratch." "What?" snorted Skratch. "And change the habits of a lifetime?" Lapinette scuffed rocks with her feet and bent down. "Aha!" she said, "this must be Unit 2." She pressed every switch there was, and pushed every button - but nothing happened. Suddenly Unit 2 slipped from her grasp, hit the ground with a crack and burst into life. "This is Unit 2 saying hello and good evening. Have we got some pop pleasers for you!" "Ha ha ha," laughed Unit 1, "it's the end of the world as we knew it." Skratch called from the tunnel. "Commander, there are ... others here." "More Units?" asked the Wabbit.  A lengthy pause ensued. "No. They're more like Goblins, Commander. Hob Goblins." "Back off, Skratch," said the Wabbit urgently. But it was too late. Voices boomed, almost in unison. "We can see you, earth rabbits." "We saw you first," said the Wabbit.

4. The Wabbit and the First Device

Susan pretended to crash land and they all made their way across the rocky surface.  "Wow, look at these boulders," said Lapinette. "Just like Stonehedge," winked the Wabbit. "Up ahead, Wabbit," called Skratch from a nearby rock. They rounded the remains of a large meteoroid and there it was - a basic looking device, with knobs and numbers. "It looks early, Commander," said Wabsworth. "I'm uncertain of its stability." The Wabbit stretched out a paw and probed a knurled knob. The device burst into song. "I'm being followed by you moon shadows," it warbled. The Wabbit nudged Wabsworth and grinned. "There's your date. It's 1971." "Moon shadows, moon shadows," trilled the device. "Can you please shut it off!" yelled Lapinette. But the device kept singing. "It's a droid," sighed Wabsworth. He bent close and whispered urgently. "Command Line 76. Execute Bootstrap. Information Protocol 119." "Hello," said the device. A light blinked. Then a series of lights. Then a buzzer. "Connected," said the device. The Wabbit speculated on the connections, but he knew the answer before the device spoke again. "This is Unit 1, Hello. Hello Unit 2, Hello. Hello Unit 3, Hello." Wabsworth suddenly grabbed the device and hoisted it onto his shoulder. "Cut the courtesy calls and take me to the others," he growled.

3. The Wabbit and an Overdue Mission

The Wabbit looked down. "Anyone knows what's going on?" "Only me, Commander." Susan the Biplane swooped from Quantum's hold and dived towards the moon's surface. "Susan! You're Hush-hush?" gasped Lapinette. "In person," said Susan. The Wabbit shrugged. It was all he had left to do. "Everything operational, Susan?" "Bio-atmosphere, gravity field, shield, stealth cloak," said Susan, "And that dive angle thing you bolted on." The Wabbit squinted down at the rocky surface. "Hit me!" Susan skimmed across several craters. "I have sealed orders from the Department of Danger." The Wabbit nodded to Lapinette. She rummaged in the cockpit and found an envelope behind the remains of a salad sandwich. She scanned the contents. "Something we forgot, Wabbit." The Wabbit's tummy rumbled. "Not the sandwich," hissed Lapinette, "unfinished business." The Wabbit slapped a paw to his forehead. "Project A119." "Where there is Project A119, there is the Nocturnal High Garrison of Tribulation," breathed Wabsworth. "NiGHT," meaowed Skratch. "As sure as the day is long," quipped the Wabbit. He continued to stare, as if by effort alone he could see the craters where the three warheads were hidden. "The warheads were detonated," he mused. "Officially," sighed Lapinette. "No record," commented Wabsworth, who had android access to most records. "Do your stuff, Susan," nodded the Wabbit. Susan dived vertically. "Stall stall stall ..!"

2. The Wabbit in Engine Room One

Quantum hung in space while the Wabbit shrugged his shoulders round and round. He regretted Engine Room One was less than comfortable and made a mental note to design in two armchairs, a couch and a colourful rug. He was responsible for developing Quantum's Lattice Drive, which technically speaking wasn't quite ready. He had got it thus far by raiding junk yards and the many dumpsters to the rear of the European Space Agency. Then, working alone at night in his shed, a Fibonacci super-lattice had followed, initially fashioned in curly carrots and celery, and later constructed from neutron star leftovers. The Wabbit heard metallic sounds and poked his head round a boiler. Skratch the Cat was measuring something and muttering about problems with Brown Boveri circuit breakers. "Skratch" yelled the Wabbit at the top of his voice. Skratch didn't as much as look up. Instead he inserted two small springs and checked tolerances. "This is a 1987 unit, Wabbit. They don't last forever." "What the binky are you doing here?" screamed the Wabbit. "It's hush hush," meaowed Skratch. The Wabbit sighed. "At least we have the same information source." Skratch continued measuring. "Skratch, you're a stowaway," said the Wabbit. "Nah," said Skratch. "I'm a supernumerary." The Wabbit hid a grin. "Union card check!"

1. The Wabbit and a Danger Directive

The order had come straight from the Department of Danger and couldn't be ignored - so on a night lit by a shadowy moon, the Wabbit crept stealthily towards Quantum the Time Travelling Train. The radio crackled. "Who goes there?" "Danger," replied the Wabbit. "What kind of Danger?" crackled the radio. "Danger of a buying me dinner," answered the Wabbit. "Welcome Commander," said Quantum. "I'm jumping to Lattice Drive in thirty seconds. Counting." Quantum began to throb. Trees shook. Grass quivered. The shadowy moon seemed to sink lower in the night sky. The Wabbit powered his hind legs and leaped for the door. Engine Room One was a series of blinking buttons and swinging dials. The Wabbit strapped himself in to the only seat available. "How far are we going?" he asked. "Not so very far," said Quantum. "Information?" asked the Wabbit. "Hush hush," said Quantum. Everything vibrated, including the Wabbit. The noise became unbearable. An onlooker would have seen Quantum compress to a tiny dot and vanish. But some 32 earths away in empty space, a high speed train appeared with the Wabbit on board. He released his straps and listened to the silence. But he could hear fractured sounds of hushed conversation. "Space debris?" queried the Wabbit. "Stowaways," said Quantum. "At least there's no mice," shrugged the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and his Adventure Caffè

Skratch the Cat arrived and the Wabbit watched him reflected in the corner of his glasses. He pretended not to notice. "Where's Skratch with his question?" he said impishly. Skratch knew the Wabbit could see him and he pretended not to notice too. So he let out a sudden meow. "I have the question!" The Wabbit bent forward and whispered. "It was all a question of reflexivity." Skratch had very good hearing, but he pretended not to hear. His purr was an agreeable one. "I expect you're all wondering what sort of adventure you were in." Lapinette jumped in. "It was all a question of reflexivity!" She glanced at Wabsworth - who posed oratorically. "The adventure acknowledges the adventure-making process," he proclaimed, "subtly imagined in its deliveration." Skratch was delighted. "Elegantly put, my good lagomorph." Lapinette giggled and her ears flounced from side to side. "There's no such word as deliveration." Skratch scratched the table lightly. "In film theory, there is!" he insisted. The Wabbit's tone was critical. "Is that the same as structuration?" Skratch nodded. "Not quite. Deliveration is the final endation of structuration." This kind of talk was making Lapinette thirsty. She raised a paw and a waiter appeared instantly. "Four aperitivi, please." "Immediate deliveration?" asked the waiter.