9. The Wabbit and the Golem's Folly

"There he goes!" Lapinette knew her statement was redundant but the Wabbit didn't turn a hair. "He has his fracking tools with him," said the Wabbit, "so he must be going to frack." The Golem rolled along, humming a merry tune - and his tools made a clickedy clackedy sound as he went. Then he sang in a clangy voice that echoed through the spooky tunnel. "I am a little fracker and a fracking I will go. I’ll frack the ground from dawn to dusk, until the land is just a husk. A fracking I will go." Lapinette snorted. "That seems clear enough." Suddenly the ground shook and a fissure opened in the brickwork. Lapinette grabbed onto the Wabbit's fur as tremors died away. "He seems to have started already," said the Wabbit. "What? He started without us?" grinned Lapinette, "that's poor." The Wabbit growled through his 28 teeth. "And we did have a fracking invitation, I recall." "We should accept it then," said Lapinette. "We'd be silly not to," grinned the Wabbit and he hopped forward in pursuit of the Golem. Whistling his tune, the Golem rolled round the corner. The Wabbit and Lapinette crept after him on silent paws. "Knick, knack, frack," sang the Golem. Then he stopped and turned. "I smell creatures." The Wabbit threw his voice and it bounced from the other side of the tunnel. "Only us chickens. Can we dig with you?" "Suits me down to the ground," laughed the Golem as he turned away. Now, all that could be heard in the tunnel was a faint clucking ...

8. The Wabbit and a Spin of the Wheel

Their leap was overstated and they overshot the Golem by a long way. But they were fortunate. A massive Ferris wheel lay directly in their path and it was spinning at speed. "Sling shot!" yelled the Wabbit. Lapinette reached the Ferris wheel first. She bounced on the top gondola and with a thrust of her feet, launched back to the Fracking site. Only now, she was going twice as fast as before. The wind tore at her fur and the ground loomed sharply ahead. The Wabbit landed awkwardly inside a gondola but it propelled him outwards leaving some of his fur on the metalwork. He looped up and then down at an alarming rate. Now he was directly behind Lapinette and he saw her legs move position - so he did exactly the same. "Ouch," he groaned. Lapinette yelled that he needed more exercise. The Wabbit could hardly hear what she said but he knew anyway. It occurred to him that he was getting quite enough exercise as it was. He watched Lapinette's legs draw into an arabesque position. As she landed, she executed a perfect chassé and stopped as elegantly as an airliner. The Wabbit made a fair attempt to copy her then gave up. He somersaulted along the bumpy road and came to an abrupt halt. Lapinette turned to look at him. "How was it?" she smiled. "Perfect," said the Wabbit.

7. The Wabbit on the Edge of Ballet

Daylight came on like a switch. The Wabbit and Lapinette balanced on a slim framework of doubtful purpose. Lapinette had trained at the Mariinsky Ballet and pirouetted gracefully. The Wabbit's feet curled about the metalwork, as he scowled around from right to far right. He growled through all of his 28 teeth. "The Golem is fracking the Nazi Rally Grounds." Lapinette executed a demi-détourné. "That's wrong at so many levels," she sighed. The voice of the Fracker's Golem echoed from the brickwork. "This can all be yours if you join us." The Wabbit shook his head like a donkey. The framework suddenly shook, but it couldn't shake the Wabbit and it certainly couldn't shake Lapinette. "You're a very bad Golem," she cried and sprung into the air in an entrechat quatre. "Get ready to binky," shouted the Wabbit. The framework gave a vicious creak as it began to detach from its moorings. "He doesn't know much about rabbits," smiled Lapinette. "Take the right decision," yelled the Golem. "Take it yourself," shouted the Wabbit. Lapinette's legs moved elegantly as she began a battement dégagé. The Wabbit grinned and swung a leg along the metal girder. "Grand jeté, now," murmured Lapinette. With an ear splitting yell, they jumped as the framework gave way ...

6. The Wabbit deals with the Dark

"Why is it always down?" yelled the Wabbit. The passageway was steeper than it looked and they both picked up speed. A prickly wind blew at their backs and ruffled their fur. Lapinette spotted another passageway and dived for it. The Wabbit shouted but his shout was muffled in the whirling fumes that issued from the Golem's nostrils. They made an acrid stench. The Wabbit sniffled and coughed and headed after Lapinette. He could hear Lapinette yelling, "We need our own ground." "This way!" shouted the Golem. "I have a surprise." The Wabbits paws slipped on the damp earthen floor. "I don't need any surprises." Lapinette scooted through a narrow opening where the air seemed clearer. But the Golem continued his path and his voice shrilled in the distance. "There is no escape from the Fracker's Golem." The Wabbit had every intention of escaping. He grabbed for Lapinette's paw and she pulled him through another crevice. Suddenly they were in the dark. They waited for their eyes to get used to the light, but there was no light to get used to. The Wabbit started to whistle. "What are you doing?" asked Lapinette. "Whistling in the dark," said the Wabbit. He put out a foot and scrabbled around. There was absolutely nothing but a wall and a ledge. "I think we're in the abyss," murmured Lapinette. "It needs better lighting," said the Wabbit.

5. The Wabbit and the Smoking Pit

The walkway turned into a bridge and under the bridge there was nothing. Nothing except acrid fumes that swirled round their feet and stung like ant bites. The Wabbit squinted down. "See anything?" "It looks like an abyss," murmured Lapinette. "How deep?" grinned the Wabbit. "An abyss has no depth," replied Lapinette. "I knew you'd say that," said the Wabbit. A screech sounded from the chasm that set the Wabbit's teeth on edge. It was like a thousand fingernails scraping on a glass panel. Whatever made the sound seemed to be working hard. Lapinette's ears stretched. A compressor burst into life, then another. Soon the passage way was an echoing tunnel of sound. "Let's move on," said the Wabbit. It was only then that they noticed a presence. What had only been smoke transformed into a lurid face that they both recognised. "You're not the Golem!" shouted the Wabbit. "You are Frack." The head shook and made a jolly smile. "I am Frack's Golem, fashioned from clay and steel, case-hardened in the Jaws of Hell." Metal scratched on stone. Shrieks echoed from the walls. The Golem's eyes beckoned through the smoke. "Follow me." "No fracking way!" shouted Lapinette. But the bridge started to sway and the handrails plunged into the abyss. The Wabbit and Lapinette hopped quickly forward. "We do expect light refreshments," said the Wabbit.

4. The Wabbit and the Golem's Portal

Lapinette checked through a list. "Our Snails?" "Slithering the perimeter," said the Wabbit. Lapinette made a tick. "... and Puma?" "Terrifying the locality," grinned the Wabbit. Lapinette nodded. "C-20?" The Wabbit pulled a small vial and a detonator from his fur and waved them. Lapinette made two ticks. "Weather conditions?" "Set fair," said the Wabbit. Lapinette's sudden yell echoed from the ramparts. "Then hit the tit!" She dived out of the way as the Wabbit hurled the vial at the wall and pressed a red button. But there was neither sound nor blast. The Wabbit looked back cautiously. With a splat like a fish hitting a slab, the walls opened to reveal a bridge and a passageway. At the far end of the passage, a solitary figure stood bathed in a bright light. It slowly turned and glided away. "Is that Hamlet's Dad?" quipped the Wabbit. The figure turned back and uttered one word, "Golem," and vanished. The passageway shimmered and soaked up the snaking coils of mist that poured into the portal. "I'm going in," said the Wabbit and he hopped onto the bridge. Lapinette looked at her list and ticked, "Follow the Wabbit." Then, backing up, she too edged onto the bridge. For a moment she looked at where they had been - just before the bridge vanished and the walls closed around them ...

3. The Wabbit and the Doorless Castle

Puma walked for several days. They followed until he came to a clearing where a castle rose from the mist, lit by a bleached sun. "Chemicals," growled Puma. Lapinette wrinkled her nose. "It stinks like a soggy old mop in a corner." "Oh stinky stench," sneered Mo. "Poo bum smell,"  drawled To. The Wabbit waved up at the tower, but no-one responded. "How do we get in?" murmured Lapinette. "There is no door," said Puma. "Then how do people inside get out?" asked Lapinette.  Puma screeched softly. "No-one has ever seen anyone." The Wabbit ran his paw across To's antennae. "Well, I don't like the sound of them." The team rode around the castle but although they looked from every angle, the scene was exactly the same. "There's a sort of a village nearby," snorted Puma. "Who's there?" asked the Wabbit. "Vagabonds, jailbirds, swindlers, mountebanks, organ grinders and lazzaroni," said Puma. "Cool," breathed Mo and To. Lapinette thought for a while. "Does this unpleasant assembly know who's in the castle?" "No they don't," said Puma, "but they hold them in the highest regard." The Wabbit contemplated kicking the walls, then felt in his fur for his emergency supply of CL-20. Lapinette looked stern. "Wabbit, is that entirely wise?" The Wabbit shrugged. "Cut out the middle rabbit?"
[Lazzaroni: 18^th Century homeless idlers of Naples who lived by chance work or begging.]

2. The Wabbit and a Surprise Mission

"How did we end up here?" asked Lapinette. Rain soaked into the Wabbit's fur.  "We got some way outa this?" scoffed Mo. Mo and To were punk snails and liked to sneer amusingly. Lapinette looked up to the dark tower. She could see vague figures moving in the giant windows and frowned. She heard To drawl. "Any need to be excited, Ma'am." Lapinette's ear fluttered. "Can you hear a growl?" Her voice nearly drowned in the weather. "That would be me," replied a voice. Puma leaped across the concourse in a graceful arc and landed without a sound. Then he shook off every drop of rain. The Wabbit wiped droplets from his glasses. "What's going on, Puma?" Puma snarled for quite a while. Rain lashed down. Mo and To shifted uneasily. Lapinette clung tight. Now Mo twitched his antennae. "If the rain don't stop, somethin's gonna give." The Wabbit nodded and felt unsuccessfully in his fur for a hot lozenge. "Is there something the matter with the rain?" Puma shook again. "Something is going on!" Something was always going on for the Wabbit, so he shrugged for more information. "Chemicals from above," said Puma. Mo and To shivered as a gale began to howl. The Wabbit gestured to Lapinette. Mo wheeled across to join To. Then they all turned simultaneously. "Lead on, Puma," said the Wabbit. Puma's feet splashed spray as he began to walk ...  

1. The Wabbit and the Watchtower

Lapinette watched the Wabbit for quite a while, but the Wabbit was contemplating the watchtower and didn't notice. He looked the tower up and down and, finding it lopsided, he wondered whether it was him that was askew. So for a moment he anchored his feet on the ground and imagined a slim thread connecting his ears to the heavens. The thread seemed to pull him directly upright until he felt as connected and centred as a Wabbit could be. "Aaaah," murmured the Wabbit. A sudden skyward tug thrilled the Wabbit. "Wow. I had a satori moment!" But his thought was short lived. "Hello Wabbit!" It was a haunting coo from Parakalo the Dove holding a thread that coiled around the watchtower and snaked down its elderly walls. "Shichiten hakki," smiled the Wabbit. "Bonbu mo satoréba hotoké nari," replied Parakalo. The Wabbit nodded. "Quite right," he muttered. "All things are merely dreams." "Wabbit!" yelled Lapinette. The Wabbit jumped in the air. He landed in an ungainly fashion and tried to cover it up. "Ah, here you are Lovely Lapinette, a dream on legs." "These legs were made for hopping," grinned Lapinette and she tap danced across the street to embrace the Wabbit. The Wabbit lurched forward and hugged Lapinette. "That tower leans to one side." Lapinette laughed. "No, it's you. You should come with a spirit level."
[Shichiten hakki. Shichi ten hakki: Japanese. Fall down seven times. Stand up eight.
Bonbu mo satoréba hotoké nari: Japanese. All things are merely dreams.]

The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè

They thought that Skratch the Cat had missed the boat. But he surprised them all by bursting through the aft door. "Ask the question," he roared and he waved a paw. The Wabbit could see his reflection in the window and he laughed. "That's a self referential T-shirt!" "The T-shirt answers the adventure question for me," purred Skratch. "We were so trekking across the universe," said Wabsworth gravely. Lapinette nodded demurely. "A syntagmatic analysis would suggest a system of signs consistent with the Odyssey."  "Such is the surface structure," replied Skratch dryly. "We weren't much on the surface," said Wabsworth. "Then it was about Quantum, our container," said the Wabbit, "and our Space Traveller sought after new containers." Wabsworth sighed. "He sought after me and I didn't like being a container." Lapinette was in academic mode. "Is not the Odyssey a system of containers?" Skratch was delighted. He purred furiously. "It's a bounded subsystem within a system of time and space." "But where are our drinks in time and space?" asked the Wabbit. "Unfortunately," said Skratch, "the bar is closed." "When do we disembark?" groaned Lapinette. Wabsworth cheered wildly. "In two minutes." "Is there a caffè?" queried the Wabbit. "There are four." smiled Wabsworth. "Then we have to check them out," said Lapinette. The Wabbits teeth flashed. "We'll recce one each and communicate by radio." Lapinette suddenly pointed. "Klingons on the starboard bow!"

18. The Wabbit and the Planet Exile

"Are you sure," asked the Wabbit, "that this is you?"  The Space Traveller looked very sorry for himself. "Not really," he replied. "I shifted so many times." The Wabbit frowned. "Perhaps some time on your own would help you remember." The Traveller looked around. "Is there no-one here but me?" "Well," said the Wabbit, "there are some tiny voles who emerge from caverns and dance in the light of the moons." "I'll look out for them," sighed the Traveller. "When do they come?" "Thursdays," nodded the Wabbit. He glanced up. "I have to be off. My team is waiting." Now the Traveller looked anxious. "How long must I remain here?" "Until I remember to come back," said the Wabbit. "Then I pray earnestly for your safety and well being," said the Traveller. The Wabbit smiled to himself, since he had no intention of leaving the Traveller for any length of time. He made a mental note to pick him up after two weeks, but chose to say nothing. "You could try mindfulness," suggested the Wabbit, "that may help you find yourself." "How does it work?" asked the Traveller. "Be aware of the present," said the Wabbit, "and without judgement, accept your feelings, thoughts and sensations. The Traveller thought for a second. "I think I'll wait for the voles."

17. The Wabbit fights for Control

The Wabbit dived onto Quantum's footplate and grabbed at the Space Traveller. But he only had a hold of a feline tail. Skratch the Cat let out a piercing yowl and the phantom materialised at the controls. The Wabbit rolled and kicked a lever. Quantum lurched out of lattice drive and Skratch and the Wabbit dropped to the floor with a crash. "Grab him!" yelled the Wabbit. A swipe of Skratch's paw brought a yell of pain but the Traveller eluded every attempt at capture. The Wabbit's ears twitched at the sound of an engine and he staggered to the windscreen. Susan the Biplane screamed beside the cab. Her single air screw looked like jelly and with every turn it got bigger. Suddenly a stream of molten alloy span towards Quantum's windscreen. Quantum kicked into lattice drive. The jerk shook the Traveller from the controls and he sprawled headlong onto the footplate. The Wabbit jumped on him several times and once again for luck. The Traveller tried to change shape but the Wabbit's hind legs were too strong. Skratch pummelled the Traveller with both paws and he hissed. "You're under arrest." The Traveller had a voice like a dental drill. "Whaaat foooor?" "Anything we care to make up," snapped the Wabbit. Then he grinned with all of his 28 teeth. "Because in space, no-one can hear you complain."

16. The Wabbit and the Surprise Case

Quantum headed for the nearest wormhole with the big case on board. "Shall we open it?" asked Lapinette. "It's what it's for," murmured the Wabbit. "That case is extremely noisy," complained Wabsworth, gripping his automatic fiercely. The Wabbit agreed. "But there's something familiar about it."  He unzipped the case and quickly hopped back. Everything went white as Ghost Bunny flew shrieking from the case. "Wabbit, what is the meaning of this tomfoolery?" Her harsh tone came as no surprise because they all knew Ghost Bunny had a crush on the Wabbit. The Wabbit waved a paw for calm and his voice was soothing. "Report?" Ghost Bunny spiralled up and down. "I was invaded by a Space Traveller, a hateful beast." Lapinette wrinkled her nose. "How long?" Ghost Bunny settled. "I am uncertain." "Where is he now?" growled Wabsworth. Ghost Bunny howled with anger. "He was in the suitcase with me." Wabsworth swivelled round. "Then he's here!" Ghost Bunny sniffed. "I can smell his boogly breath." "Conduct a ghostly sweep of the train," ordered the Wabbit. Ghost Bunny swept off to haunt the creature down. The Wabbit glanced at Lapinette. "How are things on the footplate?" The speakers were curiously silent. "Quantum? Skratch?" asked the Wabbit. There was no reply. Then they heard the sound of a struggle ...

15. The Wabbit and the Exit Strategy

Quantum was a time travelling train and easily overtook the Sombrero Shuttle by Spica 3. There they lay in wait for the Space Traveller. "We don't know what form he'll take," whispered Lapinette. The Wabbit grimaced. "I'm relying on Wabsworth. He has the glasses." Wabsworth stiffened and focused. "I can feel him, he's on the concourse." Then he shook his head. "He is here, but that's not him." The Wabbit turned. His eyes settled on the passenger with the big bag and he made a squinty face. He nudged Lapinette. "That's a big bag to be travelling with."  Lapinette scanned it up and down. "It's made of aggregated diamond nano rods." "Not cheap," said the Wabbit. "If you're paying," smiled Lapinette. "Is it big enough to take care of a floozy?" asked the Wabbit. "It's big enough to take care of itself," replied Lapinette. The Wabbit lifted his radio. "Wabbit's the name. Gumshoe's the Game." The radio whined. "Commander?" "Quantum, can you get a transport fix on the man with the suitcase?" There was a long pause. Wabsworth kept his binoculars trained on the bag. Suddenly the bag pitched to one side and fell off its wheels. "It's him!" cried Wabsworth, "The phantom is in the bag." The Wabbit growled into his radio. "Now Quantum! Bag, Tag and Drop!" The suitcase shimmered and vanished. "He exceeded his weight allowance," hissed the Wabbit.

14. The Wabbit in the Alien's Bar

Planet OGLE-2005-BLG-390Lb was cold as ice but inside it was warm and fuggy. The Alien Pilot was fishing behind the bar for his emergency Winchester, when he heard a soft Scottish voice. "Two pints of lager and a packet of pistachios." He tried to suppress a grin and stood up. "Commander!" With a nod of his head, the Wabbit gestured to Wabsworth who continued to torture an automatic. The Alien Pilot swung round and spoke sternly. "Check weapons at the bar!" Wabsworth dropped his automatic on the counter top with a clatter. Glasses rattled. "Commander," said the Alien Pilot, "I don't know who you're looking for. Anyway I never saw a thing, I was asleep." The Wabbit smiled. "Maybe you saw something in your dreams?" The Alien Pilot considered long and hard. "Maybe I dreamed of a phantom who hooked up with a floozy and boarded the Sombrero shuttle." Wabsworth growled. "Maybe that's our man." "The next shuttle is a one month wait," frowned the Alien Pilot but the Wabbit winked. "We got our own shuttle, we don't need a timetable." The Alien Pilot proffered a hand and grasped the Wabbit's paw. "Best of luck. Finding that phantom is a one in a million chance." "A million's a lot of odds," said the Wabbit.  The Alien Pilot pumped his paw. "You're one in a million. I'm betting on you."