5. The Wabbit and the Dream Ship

Skratch watched the Wabbit thrust the page into his fur - but was unprepared for what happened next. The ground was swaying, but not the same ground. These were the planks of a sail ship. Skratch watched the Wabbit carefully because he seemed nonplussed. He let his two extra cat heads float off for an extra look around. Wood groaned and canvas flapped but under all that noise, Jenny's voice was unmistakable. "I'll have no interlopers in my dreams." Skratch saw the Wabbit pull the codex page from his fur. "This is no ordinary dream, Jenny." From behind Jenny's back, a snick of a safety catch echoed along the deck,  "I can't be sure you're the Wabbit." Skratch smiled as the Wabbit shrugged. "OK. You are the Wabbit," snapped Jenny, "I didn't see you salute the ensign." "We're all in a dream," said the Wabbit. "Tell me about it," sighed Jenny. "Thieves took a secret code," hissed the Wabbit. "We have the missing page." A sudden impact rocked the craft and Jenny's voice barked commands. "Battle stations! Prepare to repel boarders." The Wabbit turned to look. "What ships' armaments do we have?" It was Jenny's turn to shrug. "Broadside cannons." Skratch knew the Wabbit had hoped for more but heard him speak clearly. "Let them think we're stupid." Another violent blow shook the hull. Jenny bellowed. "Give them a volley. Aim too high." Waves rocked the ship as cannonballs dropped aimlessly. The Wabbit tore the code in three, then gave Jenny and Skratch a piece each. "Now what?" asked Jenny. "We wait," shrugged the Wabbit.

4. The Wabbit and the Missing Page

Skratch took the Wabbit aside. At that moment, rays of light shot through the trees to paint dappled shadows on the Wabbit's ears. Skratch handed over a single page of an old manuscript. "With your permission, I'll tell the story." The Wabbit scrutinised the parchment and turned it over. "The occupants of the cemetery ..." Skratch had hardly begun when the Wabbit interrupted. "Spirits." Skratch nodded his heads. "These are rather famous spirits with lot of time at their disposal." He paused for effect, but the Wabbit didn't look up from the page, so he went on. "Writers and philosophers all, they collaborated on a codex that would open the Gates of Perception. "Most unwise," muttered the Wabbit and he flipped the page over again. "Eventually," meowed Skratch. "that's what they thought too. So they removed this vital page and hid it." Only now did the Wabbit look up. "When was the codex stolen?" Skratch thought the Wabbit far too sharp for his own good and placed a cautionary paw across his shoulder. "Stolen last week." he sighed. The Wabbit shrugged annoyingly. "The Codex is worthless without this page." He shrugged again. "So whoever took it will be back." "And they'll be looking for that page," said Skratch, "... which is now yours." At last the Wabbit's 28 teeth assembled into a grin. He rolled up the page and shoved it deep into his fur. "First they have to find us ..."

3. Skratch and the Astral Plane

The voice came from the old graveyard. Tombs lay in dense undergrowth and they ventured in. Skratch hovered slightly above the ground and seemed quite content. "I'm on the astral plane," he purred. "I did not summon you." The Wabbit felt slightly vexed. "You're dreaming," he with a shortness that surprised Lapinette. "No, I was meditating," meowed Skratch, "and now I'm in touch with everyone in this cemetery." Lapinette butted in. "Why have you got three heads?" Skratch nodded them all. "I met Cerberus and we got chatting about heads and numbers." The Wabbit became impatient. "Why are we here?" Skratch's left head nodded. "You, Wabbit have to perform a task." The Wabbit shook his head vigorously. (He had only one and felt it quite enough.) "Who says?" he snapped. Skratch's three heads bobbed. "The occupants of the graveyard." The Wabbit scowled.  "I have enough managers," he said. "Let them talk to the Department." "Skratch's heads meowed all at the same time. "I'm afraid they insist on you, Wabbit." "And what if I remain untasked?" asked the Wabbit. Skratch hissed three times. "Then I'm afraid we all remain here." The Wabbit thought hard and his nose twitched. "What about you, Wabsworth?" Wabsworth groaned. "I don't think I can cope with a three headed Skratch for long." "OK," said the Wabbit. "You Lapinette?" "Let's see what they want," smiled Lapinette and she waved at Skratch's heads. The Wabbit shrugged. "Maybe three heads are better than one ..."

2. The Wabbit and the Sadness of War

Wabsworth and the Wabbit followed the soft haunting voice. "It's Lapinette! said Wabsworth. "What is that song?" "Shhh," said the Wabbit. They listened. Wabsworth touched the Wabbit gently. "La Locomotiva," said the Wabbit finally. He looked up and down the rows of anonymous graves and with a sad shake of his head, he murmured, "the flowers of the forest are a weed awa'." Wabsworth decided to stay quiet but he studied the scene. Then he spoke. "Are we are in Lapinette's dream - or is she in ours?" The Wabbit was entirely uncertain. "Should we disturb her?" whispered Wabsworth. The sun filtered through the trees and shadows sharpened. Suddenly Lapinette turned. "How did you get here?" "You're dreaming," said the Wabbit. Lapinette scrutinised them both from head to toe. "You look real enough to me." The Wabbit smiled pleasantly. "Look at your paws." Lapinette gazed down. She could see through them, so she reached out and gingerly touched a gravestone. Her paw passed through it as if it was air. But the more she stared, the more substantial her paws became. Eventually she was solid. The Wabbit sighed with relief and explained. "I came though a green door into Wabsworth's dream routine." Lapinette was pleased to be opaque and became chirpy. "Is it possible we're in a collective dream?" "A collective dream is a movie," said a grave voice ...
[La Locomotiva: revolutionary song about a train driver by Francesco Guccini
Flowers of the Forest: Ancient Scottish bagpipe tune commemorating the Battle of Flodden]

1. The Wabbit behind the Green Door

Wabsworth, the Wabbit's android double, was dreaming for the very first time and found himself hopping in a quiet graveyard. He felt a peace he had never experienced and was smiling to himself, when he heard the crunch of gravel. "Wabbit!" sighed Wabsworth. "What on earth are you doing here?" The Wabbit materialised and waved tentatively. "I'm afraid I broke in." He noticed Wabsworth's quizzical look and shrugged. "I broke in through the green door." A few translucent leaves fell. "You're in my dream," said Wabsworth, "and my dream doesn't have a green door." The Wabbit shook his head and held up a paw. "I scraped my paw and it's green and it hurts. So this can't be your dream." "I didn't dream a green door," insisted Wabsworth. The Wabbit ignored this and looked around at names on gravestones. Some of them he knew had passed on and he felt sorry. Then he spotted a few who hadn't but he rather wished they had. The Wabbit puzzled a bit then addressed Wabsworth. "I came through a door from the street." Wabsworth rummaged under his fur to switch off his dream. But nothing happened. Wabsworth's teeth set rigid. The Wabbit took pity. "Well since we're here, we'll have a look around." Wabsworth's face lit up. "It's well tended, maybe there's a caretaker." The sound of footsteps on gravel broke the silence and the Wabbit grabbed Wabsworth's shoulder. "We'll take cover and watch." Then they heard a familiar voice ...

The Wabbit and Boredom

The Wabbit hunched in front of his favourite door. The sign said it was a school, but he had never seen anyone go in or out. So if he was bored he would stand in the street and wonder about it. "What's really behind the green door?" he thought. This kept him occupied for a full five minutes until he got restless. He stomped his feet a little. The Wabbit was between missions, a place he didn't like to be. He preferred to be in the thick of things, not the thin of things. No creature he knew got as bored as he. They all went on vacation or pursued a favourite hobby. Wabsworth his android double liked to bathe in a spa in the hills and return smelling of sulphur. Lapinette went to the furdressers and it took all day, sometimes two. Skratch the Cat attended week long movie marathons and emerged blinking through rectangular eyes. That wasn't to say the Wabbit hadn't tried. He'd taken up several pastimes, few of which had been successful. His jigsaws always missed a vital piece which he later found clinging to his fur. In an attempt at a giant collage, he found himself permanently glued to a table. His sallies into motor sport did, however, meet with success. But they were usually marred by some incident. In a cross country motorcycle trial he was well ahead but pitched into a hole with his scrambler on top of him. There he remained for some time until spotted. The Wabbit thought and thought and thought. Then it came to him in a flash. "Thinking is a hobby!"

The Wabbit's Adventure Caffè

"Here it is!" Lapinette was delighted with her new find. The Wabbit grinned a lopsided grin. "But there's Wabsworth in your new caffè." Lapinette sighed. "You can't keep anything a secret," A red reflection glistened momentarily in the wet street and a loud purr announced Skratch the Cat. "What a pleasant surprise!" he meowed, "I was going to visit the cats of Rome. But I can do that tomorrow." The Wabbit gestured for prosecco and tramezzini all round. Wabsworth rose for Lapinette to take a seat and turned to Skratch. "What was that for a kind of adventure?" Skratch warmed his paws. "I've been thinking about it," he purred. "It was a reconstructivist post modernism, which transcended iconic representation." Lapinette hid a smirk and sat down.  "Archetypal revisioning," she said firmly. Now the Wabbit sat down and shrugged.  "I thought it was about movies." "Quite right," said Wabsworth, "a post-ecodical trauma unfolded." "With us in it," smiled Skratch. "Can you dig it?" repeated the Wabbit. "Diggin' dystopia?" laughed Lapinette. "Sounds like a possible musical," murmured Skratch and he made a note in his fur. The Wabbit's tummy rumbled loudly so Lapinette handed him a sandwich. "Thanks," said the Wabbit, rubbing his stomach. "I seem to have to have a touch of dystopia."
[tramezzino: a triangular sandwich in Italy, From tra (between) and mezzo (middle)]

9. The Wabbit and the Homeward Run

"We're back!" said Lapinette,"we're safe." She glanced at the ragged edge of her frock, then looked up. Quantum the Train flashed across the sky and was gone. Skratch laughed in a sardonic way. "We went through all that - to end up here?" Wabsworth thrust a paw into damp fur. "I like travelling." The Wabbit stood in the drizzle and let the rain wash his fur. It felt good. A normal moon peered through a normal sky. Skratch stretched tall.  He shook water from his coat and thrust out his chest. Lapinette skiffed a foot through the puddles. "What about the Blood Collectors?" "They're real gone," said Skratch, "so adios." Wabsworth laughed. "Can you dig it?" The rain got heavier but no-one moved. They all stood still and got wet. "I dig the rain," said the Wabbit. "That's our bridge," said Lapinette. Skratch boxed with his paws. "This - is our turf." Wabsworth thought for a minute and his circuits whirred. "There's always another gang, isn't there?" Lapinette looked at the Wabbit and waited. "What we have, we hold," said the Wabbit. He looked up at the normal moon and it seemed to speak. "Welcome back, Wabbit. You saved your planet." They screwed up their eyes and looked for a face in the moon, but they could only see craters. "Have a nice day," said the normal moon, Then it vanished. The rain stopped. The sky became lighter. They looked at each other and suddenly a giant smile lit up the Wabbit's face. "Now let's go home," he said gently.

8. The Wabbit and the Big Roll

Hotly pursued by Lapinette and the Wabbit, the canisters sped towards a deserted industrial zone. Blood Collectors gathered under a sinister moon and they were right in the way. "I can't stop the cans," cried Lapinette. The Wabbit would have shrugged but he was too busy keeping pace. "Let's give them some help," he yelled. Lapinette launched a powerful left foot at the nearest canister and struck it a mighty blow, The Wabbit knew the power of that foot. So he swung his paws three times and whacked the other canister dead centre. "Here's the blood we promised!" Lapinette put her paws to her lips and let out a blood curdling warble. A piercing whistle from the Wabbit split the air in two. As the canisters picked up extra speed, they bounced and slewed in an unpredictable fashion. Some Blood Collectors slithered to the side, But the cans crushed others like raspberry pies and left a trail of lumpy blood along the concrete. Lapinette wrinkled her nose. The stench was appalling and vapour spattered everywhere like bloody smog. The canisters crashed to a halt. Blood Collectors fell on them with abandon but the containers vibrated with staccato rattling and began to bulge. "They're gonna blow!" shouted the Wabbit. "I'm out of here!" yelled Lapinette. Now the noise was like two competing drum rolls and the canisters were twice their original size. As Lapinette and the Wabbit loped away they glanced up at a pale moon. "Can you see a face?" shouted Lapinette. The Wabbit's 28 teeth gleamed as two explosions lit the sickly night. "Everyone can!"

7. The Wabbit and the Runaway Barrel

Lightning lit a red sky and cracked buildings. But there was no thunder. All they could hear was rumbling and a strange sound from inside the cylinders. The Wabbit and Lapinette rolled the containers back to the team to tempt the Blood Collectors. But the sound from inside got louder and louder and the containers started to twitch,  "I can't hold it," yelled the Wabbit. "Neither can I," shouted Lapinette. The Wabbit's paws slithered on the metal surface and his feet left the ground. Lapinette was stuck to her container and span with it as it rolled.  In the distance he could hear Wabsworth and Skratch screaming, "Let go, let go!" But he couldn't. The cylinders rolled faster and the Wabbit and Lapinette rolled with them. Lapinette winced every time she scraped the metal floor of the bridge. The Wabbit screamed blue murder as if he was dying, "I'm losing all my fur," he yelled. Lapinette knew the Wabbit was inclined to exaggerate, but her frock was torn and would have to go to the cleaners. Just for a second the Wabbit's container veered to the side and slowed. The Wabbit sighed with relief, Then it shot forward with enormous speed and Lapinette's container followed suit. The containers were no longer spinning but gliding as if they knew where they were going. They both felt the grip loosen and made plans to jump. The Wabbit pulled his tummy in. "Just roll!" he shouted. Lapinette was already tumbling through the air so the Wabbit launched himself backwards. He hit the ground with his head and bent his ears to the side. But suddenly he was on his feet, running and bellowing, "Follow these cans!"

6. The Wabbit & the Quantum Aurora

The lightning stopped and the sky changed. A solar wind sent Quantum the Time Travelling Train spiralling to a nearby railway bridge and the Blood Collectors turned tail and ran. Electron particles swept the red moon like a make up brush. Loops of cobalt and vermilion arched across the heavens. The Wabbit shook his head and laughed. "You don't see that every day." "Commander," shouted Jenny from the cab. "This was the only way we could land." The bridge shuddered in the gale. Mo and To, the Punk Snails, pushed blue canisters of snail blood towards them. "Our true blue blood," drawled Mo. "With sea salt and baking soda," yelled To. "A blood transfusion!" jeered Mo. "For confusion!" sneered To. The solar wind whistled across the bridge with fury and the canisters rocked as if they were alive. The Wabbit's fur prickled. Lapinette shivered. "Is there enough?" asked the Wabbit. "Oh, you don't need much," said Mo. The Wabbit didn't ask what it did. They heard Quantum's engines surge into life. "Can't stay long," shouted Jenny, "we used a lot of fuel to make this storm." Mo and To slithered back on board. A sudden flash lit the bridge and Quantum vanished into a turbulent sky. The wind dropped but the blue canisters shifted uneasily. Lapinette stared up. A blood red moon peered through the storm. "Better get moving," she murmured. "Let's rock and roll," shrugged the Wabbit.

5. The Wabbit and the Bridge Too Far

The Wabbit knew they had to meet the creatures and he had a feeling it might be on the bridge. Quantum the Train was on the other side and could come no further. Anyway, a confrontation was inevitable. It was only a matter of where and when. Wabsworth blocked the bridge with the truck and and the team got out. Lapinette waved two automatics. "Who goes there?" she shouted. "State your business," yelled the Wabbit. "Speak or we fire!" shouted Wabsworth and he pointed his snazer. The creatures did not speak, but blood oozed along the asphalt and towards the team. The smell was overpowering and the sound was worse. It swirled and bubbled and made a slithering oily sound like molten molasses. The Wabbit was uncertain but he didn't show it. He raised his snazer gun and pointed at the leader. "Aim for their brains!" shouted Wabsworth. "Do they have brains?" sneered Lapinette. "Kill the brain and you kill the ghoul," hissed Skratch the Cat. The blood stopped dead and lapped backwards like a wave. The Wabbit hopped forward, put a foot in the blood and drew a crimson line along the bridge. "Talk," he said calmly "Talk or we'll finish you." An angry roar echoed from the iron struts. "Give us your blood!" The Wabbit turned his back on the creatures and winked at his team. "How much do we have in the truck?" "Litres and litres, Best royal blood from Kensington." smirked Lapinette. "Blue blood," laughed Skratch. A murmur of excitement came from the creatures. The Wabbit turned back and spoke sharply  "What do we get in return?" "You may pass freely," said the leader. "Then queue along the line," smiled the Wabbit, "and prepare for a treat ..."

4. The Wabbit and the Rain Truck

The Wabbit and Lapinette started to run, but the sky darkened. Lashing rain soaked their fur and it was hard to keep going. Every hop was an effort and the rain drove them back. It had little effect on the creatures. Whatever they were, they had speed and they were gaining. They squelched rapidly on a layer of blood that they laid down themselves and now the Wabbit could hear them. The sound was between a gurgling and a whistle. "Blood collectors," muttered the Wabbit. "What?" yelled Lapinette. "They're collectors!" shouted the Wabbit. "Debt collectors?" screamed Lapinette. The Wabbit shook his head but the rain was hard and it hurt his face. "Maybe!" he yelled. From the corner of her eye, Lapinette caught a reflection in the lake. It got bigger and she shielded her eyes with her paws. Looking up was a strain but she gradually turned. "Reinforcements!" she shouted. "Good idea," yelled the Wabbit. "Any ideas?" But now he too could see the reflection and it was something familiar. Beneath a giant parachute, Lapinette's truck swayed alarmingly in the gale. Two figures inside gripped what they could as the wind swept them close to the big shed. "Transport!" shouted Lapinette. She grabbed the Wabbit's paw and waded through shallow water in the direction of the shed. Hail the size of golf balls bounced from the Wabbit's head as he watched the truck hit the ground on its front wheels. With a shattering of glass, it bounced twice, spun three times and stopped. Skratch's paws pushed broken glass away from the shattered windscreen, "Inside!" The engine roared and they were gone ...

3. The Wabbit and the Deserted City

The Wabbit and Lapinette picked their way through the ruins of a Deserted City. It looked familiar but wasn't quite right. Things were in the wrong place and a smell of decay was everywhere. Quantum the Train burst through the clouds. He hung but didn't land. The Wabbit nodded and watched Lapinette search. She pushed a red canister with her foot, then scowled as it spilled. Blood gushed and rapidly congealed on the dirty paving. The Wabbit's eyes drifted to movement on the far side of the square. "Lapinette?" he whispered. Lapinette studied the canister and murmured automatically. "Just a moment Wabbit." The Wabbit's voice was low and icy calm. "Come over here for a second and don't look round." Lapinette hopped to the Wabbit but her eyes swivelled slightly. On the edge of her vision she saw them. Her fur stood on end but she too was icy calm. She effected a nonchalant air of studied ignorance and hummed. "Tra la la, la lah." The Wabbit smiled inanely. "I'm going to hop backwards and pretend to take a photograph of you." "Oh yes let's!" said Lapinette with loud delight. "We'll share it with to all our friends." The movement at the far end of the square stopped. "I love being a tourist with no serious interest in anything much," boomed the Wabbit. Lapinette simpered breathlessly. "Did you bring a map? I've hardly the slightest clue where we are." The Wabbit pretended to look at a map but he saw a cloud of vapour hiss from Quantum's cab. It fell rapidly towards the beings at the end of the square. The Wabbit waved his map and turned. "If we don't make tracks, we might miss our train." "Run!" yelled Lapinette ...

2. The Wabbit and the Steady Drip

They travelled inland - but everything they found was either ruined or abandoned or both. The Wabbit looked through the shattered roof of a warehouse. "That moon changed." Lapinette stared long and hard. "It can't be the same moon, unless the one we're on is spinning fast." Something dropped close to the Wabbit's ear. It landed with a splat followed by another, then another. The Wabbit stretched out a paw. This time there was no splat - more of a squelch. It was merely an interruption in the steady drip from the girders. Lapinette held out a paw and heard another squelch. She looked closely as a crimson stain spread across her fur. "More blood," said the Wabbit. His 28 teeth flashed in whatever light there was. Beyond the girders was pitch black and the more they stared, the blacker it seemed. "I can't see where it's coming from," murmured the Wabbit. "Or what," added Lapinette. The Wabbit gulped. "It's like the building is bleeding." Lapinette smiled a wan smile. "Buildings don't generally bleed." The Wabbit's teeth flashed again. "This one does." The blood made pools on what was left of the concrete floor. Then it spread and thickened. The Wabbit sniffed it. "Same smell as the sea." "Shhh," hushed Lapinette, "I can hear something." They listened. "A craft is coming out of slipstream drive," grinned the Wabbit. Lapinette smiled and frowned at the same instant. "I don't think it's safe for Quantum to land. We don't know what we're up against." The Wabbit thought quickly. "Let's get into the open, where the team can see us." Lapinette wiped her fur clean and hopped forward. "Something's out for blood." The Wabbit did the same. "Let's make sure it's not ours."