The Wabbit and Boredom

The Wabbit hunched in front of his favourite door. The sign said it was a school, but he had never seen anyone go in or out. So if he was bored he would stand in the street and wonder about it. "What's really behind the green door?" he thought. This kept him occupied for a full five minutes until he got restless. He stomped his feet a little. The Wabbit was between missions, a place he didn't like to be. He preferred to be in the thick of things, not the thin of things. No creature he knew got as bored as he. They all went on vacation or pursued a favourite hobby. Wabsworth his android double liked to bathe in a spa in the hills and return smelling of sulphur. Lapinette went to the furdressers and it took all day, sometimes two. Skratch the Cat attended week long movie marathons and emerged blinking through rectangular eyes. That wasn't to say the Wabbit hadn't tried. He'd taken up several pastimes, few of which had been successful. His jigsaws always missed a vital piece which he later found clinging to his fur. In an attempt at a giant collage, he found himself permanently glued to a table. His sallies into motor sport did, however, meet with success. But they were usually marred by some incident. In a cross country motorcycle trial he was well ahead but pitched into a hole with his scrambler on top of him. There he remained for some time until spotted. The Wabbit thought and thought and thought. Then it came to him in a flash. "Thinking is a hobby!"

The Wabbit's Adventure Caffè

"Here it is!" Lapinette was delighted with her new find. The Wabbit grinned a lopsided grin. "But there's Wabsworth in your new caffè." Lapinette sighed. "You can't keep anything a secret," A red reflection glistened momentarily in the wet street and a loud purr announced Skratch the Cat. "What a pleasant surprise!" he meowed, "I was going to visit the cats of Rome. But I can do that tomorrow." The Wabbit gestured for prosecco and tramezzini all round. Wabsworth rose for Lapinette to take a seat and turned to Skratch. "What was that for a kind of adventure?" Skratch warmed his paws. "I've been thinking about it," he purred. "It was a reconstructivist post modernism, which transcended iconic representation." Lapinette hid a smirk and sat down.  "Archetypal revisioning," she said firmly. Now the Wabbit sat down and shrugged.  "I thought it was about movies." "Quite right," said Wabsworth, "a post-ecodical trauma unfolded." "With us in it," smiled Skratch. "Can you dig it?" repeated the Wabbit. "Diggin' dystopia?" laughed Lapinette. "Sounds like a possible musical," murmured Skratch and he made a note in his fur. The Wabbit's tummy rumbled loudly so Lapinette handed him a sandwich. "Thanks," said the Wabbit, rubbing his stomach. "I seem to have to have a touch of dystopia."
[tramezzino: a triangular sandwich in Italy, From tra (between) and mezzo (middle)]

9. The Wabbit and the Homeward Run

"We're back!" said Lapinette,"we're safe." She glanced at the ragged edge of her frock, then looked up. Quantum the Train flashed across the sky and was gone. Skratch laughed in a sardonic way. "We went through all that - to end up here?" Wabsworth thrust a paw into damp fur. "I like travelling." The Wabbit stood in the drizzle and let the rain wash his fur. It felt good. A normal moon peered through a normal sky. Skratch stretched tall.  He shook water from his coat and thrust out his chest. Lapinette skiffed a foot through the puddles. "What about the Blood Collectors?" "They're real gone," said Skratch, "so adios." Wabsworth laughed. "Can you dig it?" The rain got heavier but no-one moved. They all stood still and got wet. "I dig the rain," said the Wabbit. "That's our bridge," said Lapinette. Skratch boxed with his paws. "This - is our turf." Wabsworth thought for a minute and his circuits whirred. "There's always another gang, isn't there?" Lapinette looked at the Wabbit and waited. "What we have, we hold," said the Wabbit. He looked up at the normal moon and it seemed to speak. "Welcome back, Wabbit. You saved your planet." They screwed up their eyes and looked for a face in the moon, but they could only see craters. "Have a nice day," said the normal moon, Then it vanished. The rain stopped. The sky became lighter. They looked at each other and suddenly a giant smile lit up the Wabbit's face. "Now let's go home," he said gently.

8. The Wabbit and the Big Roll

Hotly pursued by Lapinette and the Wabbit, the canisters sped towards a deserted industrial zone. Blood Collectors gathered under a sinister moon and they were right in the way. "I can't stop the cans," cried Lapinette. The Wabbit would have shrugged but he was too busy keeping pace. "Let's give them some help," he yelled. Lapinette launched a powerful left foot at the nearest canister and struck it a mighty blow, The Wabbit knew the power of that foot. So he swung his paws three times and whacked the other canister dead centre. "Here's the blood we promised!" Lapinette put her paws to her lips and let out a blood curdling warble. A piercing whistle from the Wabbit split the air in two. As the canisters picked up extra speed, they bounced and slewed in an unpredictable fashion. Some Blood Collectors slithered to the side, But the cans crushed others like raspberry pies and left a trail of lumpy blood along the concrete. Lapinette wrinkled her nose. The stench was appalling and vapour spattered everywhere like bloody smog. The canisters crashed to a halt. Blood Collectors fell on them with abandon but the containers vibrated with staccato rattling and began to bulge. "They're gonna blow!" shouted the Wabbit. "I'm out of here!" yelled Lapinette. Now the noise was like two competing drum rolls and the canisters were twice their original size. As Lapinette and the Wabbit loped away they glanced up at a pale moon. "Can you see a face?" shouted Lapinette. The Wabbit's 28 teeth gleamed as two explosions lit the sickly night. "Everyone can!"

7. The Wabbit and the Runaway Barrel

Lightning lit a red sky and cracked buildings. But there was no thunder. All they could hear was rumbling and a strange sound from inside the cylinders. The Wabbit and Lapinette rolled the containers back to the team to tempt the Blood Collectors. But the sound from inside got louder and louder and the containers started to twitch,  "I can't hold it," yelled the Wabbit. "Neither can I," shouted Lapinette. The Wabbit's paws slithered on the metal surface and his feet left the ground. Lapinette was stuck to her container and span with it as it rolled.  In the distance he could hear Wabsworth and Skratch screaming, "Let go, let go!" But he couldn't. The cylinders rolled faster and the Wabbit and Lapinette rolled with them. Lapinette winced every time she scraped the metal floor of the bridge. The Wabbit screamed blue murder as if he was dying, "I'm losing all my fur," he yelled. Lapinette knew the Wabbit was inclined to exaggerate, but her frock was torn and would have to go to the cleaners. Just for a second the Wabbit's container veered to the side and slowed. The Wabbit sighed with relief, Then it shot forward with enormous speed and Lapinette's container followed suit. The containers were no longer spinning but gliding as if they knew where they were going. They both felt the grip loosen and made plans to jump. The Wabbit pulled his tummy in. "Just roll!" he shouted. Lapinette was already tumbling through the air so the Wabbit launched himself backwards. He hit the ground with his head and bent his ears to the side. But suddenly he was on his feet, running and bellowing, "Follow these cans!"

6. The Wabbit & the Quantum Aurora

The lightning stopped and the sky changed. A solar wind sent Quantum the Time Travelling Train spiralling to a nearby railway bridge and the Blood Collectors turned tail and ran. Electron particles swept the red moon like a make up brush. Loops of cobalt and vermilion arched across the heavens. The Wabbit shook his head and laughed. "You don't see that every day." "Commander," shouted Jenny from the cab. "This was the only way we could land." The bridge shuddered in the gale. Mo and To, the Punk Snails, pushed blue canisters of snail blood towards them. "Our true blue blood," drawled Mo. "With sea salt and baking soda," yelled To. "A blood transfusion!" jeered Mo. "For confusion!" sneered To. The solar wind whistled across the bridge with fury and the canisters rocked as if they were alive. The Wabbit's fur prickled. Lapinette shivered. "Is there enough?" asked the Wabbit. "Oh, you don't need much," said Mo. The Wabbit didn't ask what it did. They heard Quantum's engines surge into life. "Can't stay long," shouted Jenny, "we used a lot of fuel to make this storm." Mo and To slithered back on board. A sudden flash lit the bridge and Quantum vanished into a turbulent sky. The wind dropped but the blue canisters shifted uneasily. Lapinette stared up. A blood red moon peered through the storm. "Better get moving," she murmured. "Let's rock and roll," shrugged the Wabbit.

5. The Wabbit and the Bridge Too Far

The Wabbit knew they had to meet the creatures and he had a feeling it might be on the bridge. Quantum the Train was on the other side and could come no further. Anyway, a confrontation was inevitable. It was only a matter of where and when. Wabsworth blocked the bridge with the truck and and the team got out. Lapinette waved two automatics. "Who goes there?" she shouted. "State your business," yelled the Wabbit. "Speak or we fire!" shouted Wabsworth and he pointed his snazer. The creatures did not speak, but blood oozed along the asphalt and towards the team. The smell was overpowering and the sound was worse. It swirled and bubbled and made a slithering oily sound like molten molasses. The Wabbit was uncertain but he didn't show it. He raised his snazer gun and pointed at the leader. "Aim for their brains!" shouted Wabsworth. "Do they have brains?" sneered Lapinette. "Kill the brain and you kill the ghoul," hissed Skratch the Cat. The blood stopped dead and lapped backwards like a wave. The Wabbit hopped forward, put a foot in the blood and drew a crimson line along the bridge. "Talk," he said calmly "Talk or we'll finish you." An angry roar echoed from the iron struts. "Give us your blood!" The Wabbit turned his back on the creatures and winked at his team. "How much do we have in the truck?" "Litres and litres, Best royal blood from Kensington." smirked Lapinette. "Blue blood," laughed Skratch. A murmur of excitement came from the creatures. The Wabbit turned back and spoke sharply  "What do we get in return?" "You may pass freely," said the leader. "Then queue along the line," smiled the Wabbit, "and prepare for a treat ..."

4. The Wabbit and the Rain Truck

The Wabbit and Lapinette started to run, but the sky darkened. Lashing rain soaked their fur and it was hard to keep going. Every hop was an effort and the rain drove them back. It had little effect on the creatures. Whatever they were, they had speed and they were gaining. They squelched rapidly on a layer of blood that they laid down themselves and now the Wabbit could hear them. The sound was between a gurgling and a whistle. "Blood collectors," muttered the Wabbit. "What?" yelled Lapinette. "They're collectors!" shouted the Wabbit. "Debt collectors?" screamed Lapinette. The Wabbit shook his head but the rain was hard and it hurt his face. "Maybe!" he yelled. From the corner of her eye, Lapinette caught a reflection in the lake. It got bigger and she shielded her eyes with her paws. Looking up was a strain but she gradually turned. "Reinforcements!" she shouted. "Good idea," yelled the Wabbit. "Any ideas?" But now he too could see the reflection and it was something familiar. Beneath a giant parachute, Lapinette's truck swayed alarmingly in the gale. Two figures inside gripped what they could as the wind swept them close to the big shed. "Transport!" shouted Lapinette. She grabbed the Wabbit's paw and waded through shallow water in the direction of the shed. Hail the size of golf balls bounced from the Wabbit's head as he watched the truck hit the ground on its front wheels. With a shattering of glass, it bounced twice, spun three times and stopped. Skratch's paws pushed broken glass away from the shattered windscreen, "Inside!" The engine roared and they were gone ...

3. The Wabbit and the Deserted City

The Wabbit and Lapinette picked their way through the ruins of a Deserted City. It looked familiar but wasn't quite right. Things were in the wrong place and a smell of decay was everywhere. Quantum the Train burst through the clouds. He hung but didn't land. The Wabbit nodded and watched Lapinette search. She pushed a red canister with her foot, then scowled as it spilled. Blood gushed and rapidly congealed on the dirty paving. The Wabbit's eyes drifted to movement on the far side of the square. "Lapinette?" he whispered. Lapinette studied the canister and murmured automatically. "Just a moment Wabbit." The Wabbit's voice was low and icy calm. "Come over here for a second and don't look round." Lapinette hopped to the Wabbit but her eyes swivelled slightly. On the edge of her vision she saw them. Her fur stood on end but she too was icy calm. She effected a nonchalant air of studied ignorance and hummed. "Tra la la, la lah." The Wabbit smiled inanely. "I'm going to hop backwards and pretend to take a photograph of you." "Oh yes let's!" said Lapinette with loud delight. "We'll share it with to all our friends." The movement at the far end of the square stopped. "I love being a tourist with no serious interest in anything much," boomed the Wabbit. Lapinette simpered breathlessly. "Did you bring a map? I've hardly the slightest clue where we are." The Wabbit pretended to look at a map but he saw a cloud of vapour hiss from Quantum's cab. It fell rapidly towards the beings at the end of the square. The Wabbit waved his map and turned. "If we don't make tracks, we might miss our train." "Run!" yelled Lapinette ...

2. The Wabbit and the Steady Drip

They travelled inland - but everything they found was either ruined or abandoned or both. The Wabbit looked through the shattered roof of a warehouse. "That moon changed." Lapinette stared long and hard. "It can't be the same moon, unless the one we're on is spinning fast." Something dropped close to the Wabbit's ear. It landed with a splat followed by another, then another. The Wabbit stretched out a paw. This time there was no splat - more of a squelch. It was merely an interruption in the steady drip from the girders. Lapinette held out a paw and heard another squelch. She looked closely as a crimson stain spread across her fur. "More blood," said the Wabbit. His 28 teeth flashed in whatever light there was. Beyond the girders was pitch black and the more they stared, the blacker it seemed. "I can't see where it's coming from," murmured the Wabbit. "Or what," added Lapinette. The Wabbit gulped. "It's like the building is bleeding." Lapinette smiled a wan smile. "Buildings don't generally bleed." The Wabbit's teeth flashed again. "This one does." The blood made pools on what was left of the concrete floor. Then it spread and thickened. The Wabbit sniffed it. "Same smell as the sea." "Shhh," hushed Lapinette, "I can hear something." They listened. "A craft is coming out of slipstream drive," grinned the Wabbit. Lapinette smiled and frowned at the same instant. "I don't think it's safe for Quantum to land. We don't know what we're up against." The Wabbit thought quickly. "Let's get into the open, where the team can see us." Lapinette wiped her fur clean and hopped forward. "Something's out for blood." The Wabbit did the same. "Let's make sure it's not ours."

1. The Wabbit on the Blood Moon

Quantum the Train found himself drawn to the surface of the blood moon and there was nothing else to do but land. Lapinette and the Wabbit hopped out to investigate. But they'd only set paws on the moon when Quantum shuddered into slipstream drive and took off. The Wabbit shrugged and sighed. "They'll have to cope on their own." Waves crashed lazily on the beach. "We're marooned, Wabbit," said Lapinette. "We have each other," grinned the Wabbit as he waded in the shallows of the scarlet sea. It was even hotter on the moon's surface and Lapinette was irritable. "What about that moon? I didn't see that other moon." "Maybe it hid round the back," said the Wabbit. Lapinette stamped a foot and seaweed crackled and popped. "Round the back of what?" "Round the back of the moon we're on now," said the Wabbit. "Moons don't hide," said Lapinette. The Wabbit shrugged again and he put a paw into the sea and scooped some up. It was gloopy and sticky. He sniffed it. Lapinette watched closely. "That sea looks like blood." The Wabbit sniffed again then cleaned his paw on the sand. "Because it is blood." Lapinette sniffed too and made a face. It smelled like rusty iron - and another musty odour that reminded her of an old engine she could never get working. "There's a lot of it," grimaced Lapinette. "You can't make blood," said the Wabbit. "Something brought it here." Lapinette nodded gravely. "Something with blood on its paws ..."

The Wabbit at the Deep Space Caffè

Quantum the Train hung in the deepest corner of space he could find. It was the darkest, most desolate spot you could imagine. This part of the galaxy didn't get passing trade and the few travellers who had to go that way, hurried as fast as they could. The Wabbit stared at his reflection in the dining car table. Lapinette knew he was thinking and access was limited, maybe impossible. Wabsworth, his android double, tried hard to communicate - but the Wabbit's face was immobile. Wabsworth turned to Lapinette. "He might come up with something." Lapinette knew he would. They just had to wait - and they did. No-one noticed it at first. A blood moon slowly rose and sat in the darkness. There was no horizon, no planets and no asteroids. Just a red moon that had no right to be there. Suddenly the Wabbit spoke, startling both Wabsworth and Lapinette. "A blood moon comes with an eclipse." Wabsworth nodded and smiled. "Some say it's Armageddon." Lapinette had been thinking too. "What about Project A119?" Wabsworth searched his memory banks. "I have all the files." "But they were destroyed," said Lapinette. Wabsworth grinned. "That never really happens." The Wabbit waited patiently for Wabsworth to explain. "Three warheads were planted in moon craters, to be detonated to find water." "What then?" asked Lapinette." "They were detonated," said Wabsworth, "but instruments revealed nothing." "As if they were never there," breathed the Wabbit ...

9. The Wabbit and the Quantum Flyer

Quantum the Train met the team half way. "On the footplate. Now Commander!" bellowed Quantum. Quantum held some impossibly high rank at the Department - so the Wabbit and Wabsworth hopped quickly. Lapinette and Skratch herded blue snails on board. But Mo and To felt too punk to easily comply. To looked up and drawled. "I wanna be a choo choo driver!" "Choose that train!" yelled Mo. Now the heat was so intense that eggs could have fried on the station concourse. Lapinette's voice was urgent. "Shut the slither, snails! No time for jokes." "This train is bound for glory, this train," sang Mo and he shot forward. Soon they were all on board and Quantum's engines powered up with a menacing roar. "Quantum, what the binkie is happening?" asked the Wabbit, "It's the moon, maybe?" "Not exactly," said Quantum. Wabsworth pulled a lever and the engine shook into slipstream drive. The Wabbit heard what sounded like a Quantum chuckle. "Red moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie." "That ain't amore," sang the snails who were berthed in the dining car. "The moon is being used in a ghastly experiment," said Quantum. "Agents of Rabit?" asked Wabsworth. "An acronymic organisation like LUNAR?" suggested the Wabbit. "No one knows," said Quantum. Suddenly Lapinette's light hearted voice crackled from Wabsworth's walkie talkie. "The Nocturnal High Garrison of  Tribulation. NiGHT." The Wabbit was about to smile but another voice cut into Lapinette's transmission. "This is the voice of NiGHT. We can hear you, earth rabbits ..."

8. The Wabbit and the Snail Crossing

The Wabbit was adamant that they had to move on, so with an army of blue snails the team shifted through the Turin night. But when they came to the big bridge, it was damaged. There was nothing else but to ford the river and it didn't look fordable. Mo and To grinned. Then To tried a sneer. "We don't care about a broken bridge, we don't care about no river." His tone was whiny. "It's just a heap of mouldy bricks. It ain't so bleedin' clever." A curious whirring dented the heavy air as shells started to vibrate. The moon pulsed red. Layers of prickly heat settled on the city as one by one, blue snails lifted and flew across the river. Some snails preferred water and like paddle boats they propelled themselves through choppy waves with flapping shells. Mo and Lapinette landed first and slithered to a stop. The Wabbit braced for impact but To swooped and settled on a concrete ramp. "Where now, Wabbit?" Lapinette's voice warbled in the heat. The Wabbit stared at the moon. His radio suddenly crackled. "Wabbit, do you copy?" The Wabbit smiled. "I copy." He was relieved to hear that pirate voice. "Can you get to Officina di Riparazione?" said Jenny, "you have a train to catch." "We like trains," said To. "Catch 'em, board 'em, ride 'em!" yelled Mo. The Wabbit looked at Skratch and nodded. Skratch lifted a single paw high. "Head up, move out!" shouted the Wabbit. The snails gathered into an invincible rout and slithered as one ...

7. The Wabbit and the Snail Gang

"Turn off the lights," said the Wabbit. The lightbar flickered and died. As far as the eye could see, there were blue snails and they all whirred gently in the light of a red moon. "Police! Let's split," shouted a snail. "No, we can take them," shouted another. Skratch watched all this with interest. "What's a group of snails called?" The Wabbit lifted a paw. "A rout. Wait." A series of instructions rang out and the snails whirred to a halt. Two larger snails emerged from the rout and slithered to the car. "Commander!" The Wabbit's 28 teeth grinned ear to ear. "Mo and To!" shouted Lapinette. "We are ..." said Mo. Their antennae wiggled alarmingly. "... the Snail Gang," said To. It had been more than a year since the Wabbit heard from the MoTo Snails. The MoTo snails were punk snails with attitude. Retrofitted and high speed, they were formidable foes. "What's with that old devil moon?" drawled Mo. To whined punkily. "Is that your razzle dazzle, Wabbit?" The Wabbit spread his paws and shook his head. "It's got everyone freaked," said Mo, "that and the hairy heat." "We don't like it hot," said To. "Except for the car. It looks like it might be hot." Skratch waved a paw. "We temporarily removed it from its parking space." "That's cool," breathed To. But the rout whirred uneasily, then girders glowed as the blood moon pulsed. The Wabbit looked up. "Let's find cover." He paused and thought. "What time is it?" But no-one knew.