5. The Wabbit and the Offshore Unit

The Wabbit and Lapinette ditched their jeep and ran along the riverbank with the Ball in close pursuit. The Wabbit seemed to have a clue about the Ball but his plan came to a halt when he decided to hop onto a maintenance barge. The Ball made heavy weather of the water as had been expected and its muffled roar turned into a waterlogged creaking, but it drew close enough and started to pulse. Lapinette shook a control unit. "This ship will never sail." "It's not a ship as such," retorted the Wabbit, rattling the door handle. "It's a Mobile Offshore Unit." By this time, the Wabbit knew he had made two erroneous assumptions: the first was that he could start the unit and the second that he could sail it. He was just about to move to Plan B, when he heard familiar voices. "Commander! Marchesa!" Tipsy pulled out the automatic she'd borrowed from the Wabbit's secret dump and fired a warning shot at the Ball. But the recoil spring jammed and Tipsy hurled a stream of invective that curled the Wabbit's fur. Now the Ball was stationary but its green glow pulsed steadily. Lapinette stared at it and nudged the Wabbit. "Who's inside the Ball?" The Wabbit thought of a list of enemies then shook his head. "Anyone's guess." Lapinette took over. "Tipsy," she yelled. "Take the truck and get Panico." It was the Wabbit's turn to stare. Lapinette shrugged. "Panico's the biggest friend we have." The Wabbit looked sceptical. "But he's terrified of Tipsy." "We all are," smiled Lapinette.

4. The Wabbit & the half-finished Jeep

The Wabbit and Lapinette raced from the Gallery and jumped into a jeep that the Wabbit had half-finished renovating. The gears crashed and the transmission whined but it flew across the concourse and down the steps with the giant ball in close pursuit. An angry roar bounced from the buildings and set Lapinette's teeth on edge. "It's getting bigger!" The Wabbit ignored the clutch, revved the throttle twice and shifted up. Lapinette glanced behind as the jeep scampered onto Via Nizza at a speed that was much too fast for its brakes. "It's not him," said the Wabbit veering left. Lapinette gripped anything she could find. "Who's not who?" The Wabbit gritted his 28 teeth as what passed for suspension bounced and catapulted his ears against the canvas roof. "That isn't Rover. He's just pretending." Lapinette knew that the Wabbit could see things that no-one else could - and although that could be annoying, he was usually right. "Do we have a plan?" "Oh the usual," said the Wabbit. Lapinette shrugged. More often than not, the Wabbit missed vital details but thought everyone knew what he meant. So Lapinette chanced her own strategy. "The river?" The Wabbit might have nodded but with all the vibration it was hard to tell. "I'll do what I do best." Lapinette smiled a malicious smile. "Make life complicated ..?"

3. Tipsy, Stone and the Preview Tickets

Not too far from the Gallery, Tipsy draped herself on a wall in a sultry manner only she could manage. It was unseasonably hot and Via Nizza baked in the afternoon sun. But Tipsy had a preview ticket for the Wabbit's Museum of Enemies and nothing else to do - so she looked up at the sun and figured it was time to go. "Och, bonny wee bunny!" Tipsy looked down to see Stone approaching so she pretended to know nothing about him. "Don't you bonnie wee bunny me," she retorted and slid down the wall a little. Stone's boots flew as he performed a series of dance steps called a Pas de Basque. "You're Tipsy, so ye are." Tipsy fixed Stone with a swoony gaze. "Would you like to take me out?" Stone tapped a beat with his boots. "Whit aboot the ballet?" " Tipsy shook her head, so Stone had a think. "I'll tak ye to the movies." Tipsy smiled and nodded. Stone's boots flailed as he danced faster. "Are ye going to the Preview?" Tipsy nodded again. "We'll gang thegither," said Stone. Suddenly Tipsy's ears quivered. "Whit was that?" asked Stone. Tipsy's ears pointed straight down Via Nizza towards the Gallery and she looked into the distance. "Stone, did you hear a muffled roar?" "Aye," said Stone, "a muffled roar means unco trouble." They both started to run. "Does the Wabbit knows we're coming?" shouted Stone. Tipsy laughed. "That's why he gave us tickets."
[Pas de Basque: elementary Highland dance step. Gang thegither (Scottish dialect): Accompany each other. Unco (Scottish dialect): extreme]

2. The Wabbit and the Surprise Exhibit

Lapinette and the Wabbit strolled around the exhibition preview. They smiled as they hopped from room to room and pointed and laughed as they relived old adventures. "It's going to be a big success," said Lapinette. "Think it will make La Stampa?" murmured the Wabbit. "We do get the odd mention," said Lapinette. The Wabbit scowled. "Every twenty years?" Lapinette smiled because she knew the Wabbit didn't really like publicity. "Oh look," she gasped, "the Euclidean Faction!" "We frustrated its turn to armed geometry," grinned the Wabbit. "What happened to them?" asked Lapinette. "Nothing much," said the Wabbit. "They had no moral compass." Lapinette moved close and lost herself in the image. "Lapinette," said the Wabbit softly. "Mmmm," said Lapinette. The Wabbit narrowed his eyes and looked into the next room. "I saw something move." Lapinette hopped back as a shadow passed across the picture. "Just a trick of the light." The Wabbit frowned. "Art gallery lights don't play tricks." Lapinette shook her head. "Maybe it was an installation." The Wabbit's ears twitched. "There it is again." Lapinette looked round. "I can't see anything." The Wabbit beckoned and Lapinette joined him. "There!" Lapinette gulped. "It's ... " "Rover!" yelled the Wabbit as he delved in his fur. There was a terrifying sound as a giant ball slithered into view and spoke. "Wabbit, you have pretensions - but you're just a number." The Wabbit thrust Lapinette behind him, pointed an automatic and growled. "Where's your invite?"

1. The Wabbit & a Technical Departure

The Wabbit and Lapinette were the last to leave for home. Lapinette took the opportunity to collect her helichopper from maintenance then she picked up the Wabbit from Isola Tiberina. "Did you throw some juice in the bird?" grinned the Wabbit. "Yes," said Lapinette. "Light the fires and kick the tyres?" "Yes," groaned Lapinette. "Any issues?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette turned quickly. "Loose nut behind the cyclic." The Wabbit winced. He thought it was about his loop adjustment to the pitch control, but he quickly realised Lapinette was referring to him. So the Wabbit relaxed and settled back. Lapinette made a vertical take off to hover then checked. "Pitch, attitude and position," murmured the Wabbit. Lapinette pretended not to hear. Then with a burst of throttle she wheeled and darted into the northern sky. They fell quiet except for the sound of the blades and the chattering of the Wabbit's teeth. "Any ideas?" said Lapinette. The Wabbit shook his head and Lapinette smiled. "I had a message from the Department." The Wabbit brightened. "Your Museum of Enemies is ready." "I had quite forgotten," said the Wabbit. "They want you there for the opening," said Lapinette, "and you have to make a speech." The Wabbit fished in his fur for a set of felt tip pens and a notepad. Then he grimaced. "What's up?" asked Lapinette. "The first hundred pages are the hardest," blinked the Wabbit.

The Wabbit's After Adventure Caffè

They were about to order when Skratch arrived waving as usual. "Where is everyone?" Lapinette smiled. "Tipsy went to the movies with Panico." Skratch's eyes widened and the Wabbit grinned. "Terni took Jenny for a Dragon ride down the coast." Wabsworth giggled. "Fitzy and Puma have gone to the furdressers!" Skratch looked bemused. "So where's Mitzy?" "Out walking with Major Spitlove," Skratch gave up. "They'll never find out what kind of adventure we just had." "What's your learned view, Skratch?" murmured the Wabbit, who's attempts to catch the attention of the waiter had proved unsuccessful. "It was the repeated presentation of a fabulaic event along our text continuum." "That's Sternberg," said Lapinette. Everyone stared. "Yes," said Lapinette. "There's a forecast, an enactment and a report, all communicated by an authorized narrator.*" "Who's the authorised narrator?" asked Wabsworth. "Me of course," said the Wabbit, adjusting his glasses. "Well, Mr Authorised Narrator," snorted Skratch. "You can clear up a loose end." The Wabbit knew what was coming but volunteered nothing, so Wabsworth spoke. "What about the contents of the beach hut?" "Ah," said the Wabbit and he paused for effect. "Did you ever hear the story of the old abandoned beach hut?" Skratch shook his head. "There was nothing in it." said the Wabbit ...

*Shaham, I. (2013), The Structure of Repetition in the Cinema. Poetics Today, Volume 34, Number 4: 437-518

16. The Wabbit and Panico's Salvation

The Wabbit stared down at the prone figures of the Agents of Rabit and spoke to Panico. "What do you think?" Panico's fist shifted slightly. "We won!". Lapinette grabbed Panico's blue vial and threw it in the air. "Drink it," said the Wabbit. Panico didn't hesitate for an instant and he drank the contents in a single gulp. There was silence while everyone waited and chatted. "Nothing happened!" said Panico, "but Wabbit it made you tall." Lapinette laughed, "Panico, you're already tall." "I am!" shouted Panico with glee and his fist moved a little further from his mouth. Lapinette's three personal guards chose this moment to launch into song. "Some vials make you taller," chirped Fitzy. "Some vials make you fall," trilled Mitzy. "But the ones the Agents wanted," sang Tipsy, "can't do anything at all." They all giggled with mirth for some time. "So Panico," said the Wabbit. "Do you want to come back with us?" Panico smiled behind his fist. "I'd rather stay here in Rome with Terni the Dragon." "Then it's all settled," said Lapinette. Tipsy butted in. "There's just one tiny ickle thing left over!" Everyone looked at her. "When I first met Panico here on the beach," said Tipsy, "I never got an answer." Panico looked puzzled but Tipsy's eyes glinted. "You were going to take me out to dinner." "Aaaaaaagh!" yelled Panico and his shriek could be heard all along the coast.

15. Tipsy and the Face of Darkness

Tipsy was the decoy and she was anxious to get this right. So she leaned against the beach hut in a sultry fashion and just as the Agents loomed into sight she raised her eyes and stretched out an arm. A yellow vial came tumbling from the sky and slapped into her paw as if it was a baseball catch. The Agents' snickering clicked off like a sitcom laughtrack. Tipsy let her eyes swim in and out of focus. "Oooh," she mouthed. "My names Tipthy."  "Give us the vial!" shouted the Agents. "Give us it now!" Tipsy threw the vial in the air and caught it.  "Finders keepers, so you need to make it worth my while." "A bottle of champagne," said one Agent. Tipsy snorted. "What sort of rabbit do you think I am? I don't come cheap you know." The Agents rattled their paws threateningly. "Just hand it over!" shrieked the leader, "or we'll take it by force." "Don't you oppress me," said Tipsy. "Besides, you haven't met my little sweetheart kitty cat." A shape moved behind the beach hut and Puma padded into sight. "Meaow," he growled. The Agents drew back, grumbling about sorcery and complaining of magic. "I wonder what's in the vial?" simpered Tipsy. She looked up at the sky again and started to unscrew the bottle. "It's late. I feel like an itsy bitsy drinky poo." "No!" yelled the Agents. Tipsy suddenly threw the vial in the air and batted it directly. The contents showered over the Agents. For an instant nothing happened, but it was just enough time for Tipsy and Puma to wave. "Be seeing you ..."

14. The Wabbit and the Big Wait

The beating of dragon wings could hardly be heard over the swell of the waves, but it was there. "Here he comes," said the Wabbit. They watched as Terni got closer. "Is everything in place?" asked Lapinette, although she knew that it was. "Boom," muttered Tipsy under her breath. The Wabbit stared down the beach to locate Panico and the coast team but suddenly pricked up his ears. "I can hear them." The Agents of Rabit had a very particular sound when they were stressed. It was between grinding metal and a badly played violin and it set Lapinette's teeth on edge. "So can I," she said, and lifted her walkie talkie. Skratch's voice spoke through the crackle. "I hear them but I can't see them yet." Terni started a slow descent, circling over the beach huts further down the shore. Now the beating of his wings swept along the seafront, whipping grains of sand into a series of tiny storms. Tipsy strained to hear the Agents and she could - but all the sounds were so loud that she had to shout. "They're afraid." The Wabbit kept his eyes fixed on the distant huts and growled. "Major Spitlove did his job." Lapinette kicked the sandbags. "They must want Panico's vial very much indeed." The Wabbit visualised the Agents as ten times their normal size and shuddered. Lapinette spoke into the radio in an impatient tone. "Are you all ready?" The radio crackled. "We're ready, are you ready?" "Ready as anyone can be," hissed Tipsy.

13. Spitlove & the Enchanted Fountain

Not far from the island, Spitlove, the Wabbit's double agent, hid the yellow vial and arranged that the Agents of Rabit find it. Spitlove was a rather inventive operative - and that was why the Wabbit kept him on his books. Spitlove had suggested that a team of Agents search an area they knew little about and appealed to their superstitious nature by suggesting it was a place of sorcery. The Agents were on edge. Spitlove led them past a fountain, but said nothing as they cast back and forth. "There it is," shouted an Agent stretching out a paw, "There's Panico's vial!" But the moment he touched it, the fountain creaked into life. Agents shrank back as tiny droplets of water showered over the vial. "What magic is this?" said one. "Don't let the water touch you," said Spitlove. "We might be turned into frogs." One Agent, rather brighter than the rest, spoke up. "Perhaps we can turn it off." They searched for a switch or a lever - anything that would stop the fountain. But with another creak as sudden as the first, the fountain shut down. Small waves moved the vial slightly and tiny beads of water glistened on the glass. "You take it," said one Agent to another. "You first," said the other. Silence fell and for some time the air was still. This didn't last long. "I heard an odd beating sound," said the first Agent. They looked up as a green shape loomed larger and larger. "A dragon!" yelled the Agents. Terni the Dragon swooped down and, in an instant, gathered up the vial then swooped into the distance. "Follow that Dragon!" yelled Spitlove."

12. The Wabbit and Panico's Vial

The Wabbit and Lapinette took Panico to an island in the river where no one would disturb them. The Wabbit wanted to secure Panico's vial and he gently persuaded Panico to let go. But as he grasped the vial, the cap flew off and the vial began to glow. The Wabbit couldn't help sniffing the faint puff of vapour which escaped. He felt a strange pleasantness and smiled calmly. "I don't know what all the fuss is about." Panico drew back in horror but Lapinette had seen this sort of thing before and knew the contents of the vial had gone straight to the Wabbit's ears. "What are you thinking?" she asked. The Wabbit considered. "I'm thinking of how much I know about everything." Lapinette's eyes were questions. "And what about time?" "There's seems to be an awful lot of it," shrugged the Wabbit. Lapinette silently agreed and waited patiently. Gradually the Wabbit shrank back to his normal size. "Phew," said the Wabbit. "I wouldn't like this to fall into the wrong ears." For the very first time, Lapinette saw Panico relax. "I thought your ears would grow until they poked a hole in the sky," he laughed. The Wabbit laughed too - but all the same he looked up and wondered. "Don't even think about it Wabbit," said Lapinette, "We have work to do." The Wabbit retrieved the cap and screwed the vial tightly shut. Then he tossed it back to Panico. "Aaagh!" shouted Panico. "You hang onto it," said the Wabbit. Panico was aghast. "What if the Agents of Rabit try to take it?" "Look 'em straight in the ears and drink the lot," grinned the Wabbit.

11. The Wabbit and the Double Agent

Hazy light filtered onto a curious scene. At the very moment that Terni the Dragon settled into the courtyard, the Coast Team arrived with a prisoner. The Wabbit was without surprise. "Oh, hello Spitlove, what's your information?" Wabsworth and Skratch concealed their puzzlement and relaxed to allow Major Spitlove to hop forward. "Agents are gathering not far from here. I have the coordinates." "Anything else?" smiled the Wabbit. "They're expecting the Big Kaboom," said Spitlove. "Good," said the Wabbit, and he turned to Terni and proffered his yellow vial with a grin. "I need a sample. I wouldn't normally ask." "This is hardly private," said Terni sternly. The Wabbit grinned again, "We'll all turn away" "What would you like then?" said Terni. "Dragon Pee Lite, Dragon Pee Medium or Dragon Pee MaxiSuper?" The Wabbit was silent. "MaxiSuper," said Terni swiftly, tucking the vial underneath his body. Everyone turned away. A hissing sound echoed round the pillars and a hot cloud of steam rose to the roof. Terni's voice held some amusement. "Please don't breathe the vapour," he roared. "There may be long term health risks." Everyone held their noses. "What shall I do now?" asked Spitlove. The Wabbit was emphatic. "Return to the Agents and advise them that Panico's vial has been lost but you know where it is." It was Major Spitlove's turn to grin. "Where?" he asked. "Make something up," said the Wabbit. "Make it convincing and report back."

10. The Wabbit and the Three Fates

The Wabbit looked at the yellow vial and started to think. He knew he would play a trick on the Agents of Rabit, but did not know its shape. Time stood still. In the Wabbit's mind, a stage appeared - and on it stood the Three Fates. The Wabbit knew one thing. He had better wait and listen. "Hush," they said in unison. "Passes the Wabbit this way forth?" "His thoughts are here," said Mitzy. "Then he is mostly present," said Tipsy. Fitzy nodded. "He would like to control the future." "Which is more properly our job," said Mitzy. "What is the Wabbit's job?" asked Fitzy. "To think of tricks to fool his enemies," answered Tipsy. Mitzy snorted. "That's also our job." "What did you put in the yellow vial?" asked Fitzy. Tipsy giggled. "Dragon Pee." Now they all laughed together and chanted three times one after the other. "That will do the trick!" The Wabbit listened and tried hard to hold onto the image in his mind. But his brain creaked like a rusty hinge. "Did you hear that noise?" asked Mitzy. "I fear we are discovered," said Tipsy, "so let's depart the stage." "Left or right?" said Fitzy. Tipsy looked up. "I hear the beating of dragon wings!" Mitzy smiled. "Then let us exit left and watch what happens." The scene faded and the Fates were gone. The Wabbit blinked and then looked skywards because the beating of dragon wings was still there and getting louder. "Terni!" yelled the Wabbit. "I need you for something ..."

9. The Wabbit, Panico and the Tower

The beating of dragon wings boomed across the city and Panico looked up in horror. "Aaaaagh! A dragon. I'll be burned to a crisp and my ashes will be sucked into a street cleaner." Terni the Food Dragon plunged from the sky and circled gently above the old medieval tower. The Wabbit smiled because he had engineered this meeting. "I bring you news, Panico," called Terni. "The Agents of Rabit know of your blue vial and they would do anything to get it." "What  blue vial?" asked Panico. Terni circumnavigated Torre Argentina twice, then hovered above Panico. "The one you're hiding in your fist." The Wabbit fixed his eyes on Panico and waited. "No-one must have it!" shouted Panico. "You have it," observed Lapinette. Panico's eyes swirled. "I don't have it. I hold it only." The Wabbit knew of the Agents' voracious desire for power. "If the Agents want the vial, they have good reason." Panico trembled and the vial slipped further from his fist. "If they get the vial, they can destroy us all." The Wabbit thought until Tipsy broke the silence. "The Agents are here!" "Pretend you don't see them," suggested the Wabbit. Tipsy pushed her automatic down the front of her dress and effected a valium smile. A strange look came across the Wabbit's face - a look that Lapinette knew well. "I have an idea." Lapinette furrowed her brow. "Do you have a spare vial in your fur by any chance?" The Wabbit smirked." "I do, but it's yellow. I was taking it to the health laboratory." He fished in his fur for the vial and looked at the date. "October 2005 ... "

8. Skratch and the Accidental Capture

Jenny joined the Coast Team just as dawn broke. Things were getting lively. An Agent who had become detached from his main unit spotted them and they had little option but to capture him. "The Wabbit said no rough stuff!" shouted Wabsworth as Skratch waved the business end of his Snazer gun. "Name, rank and number!" he yelled. The Agent scowled. "Spitlove, 666, Recluta." "I don't believe you," said Skratch and he nodded to Jenny. "I have ways of getting the truth," smiled Jenny and she advanced menacingly. Gently she placed her automatic on the ground and with the tip of her hook she tickled him gently under an armpit. "Oh no, hee hee, aaaaagh!" screamed the Agent. Then he laughed uncontrollably until small pieces of masonry fell from the pillars. Wabsworth nodded assent so Jenny tickled him under the other armpit. "We don't have numbers!" shouted the Agent. Jenny stopped tickling and waited. "You fiends!" screamed the Agent. Jenny waved her hook. "What's your real name?" The Agent growled a deep growl. "That is my real name. Major Spitlove." Wabsworth started to giggle. ""I'll report you!" said Spitlove. Wabsworth rummaged in his coat and drew out a book of forms. "Sign here, here, here and here and also down here," Skratch pushed his Snazer at Spitlove's chest. "Why are you here?" "I've been captured," said Spitlove. "Don't you get all smarty pants with me," said Skratch, "you're not the Wabbit!" "Where is the Wabbit?" asked Spitlove slyly. Skratch pricked up his ears as a deep boom sounded in the distance. "That's for us to know now - and you to find out later."
[Recluta : Private, newly admitted]