5. The Wabbit in Chemical Avenue

On the upper levels, Jenny, Skratch and the Stone watched as the Wabbit and Lapinette started to run. They were closely followed by Wabsworth and Robot, but Wabsworth threw the canister over his shoulder as he had seen the Wabbit do many times before. The canister bounced along the concrete ramp. Then it rolled towards the Voodoo Wasps and stopped. For a moment nothing happened and there was a cry of derision from the Wasps. But the can started to hiss and suddenly billowing clouds of smoke enveloped them. They started to cough and drop, then lay in heaps of thrashing legs and wings. The Wabbit could hear them croaking and he shed a slight tear - not from sympathy, but ingestion of some of the fumes. "Where did you get the gas?" coughed the Wabbit. "I found it in the coat you gave me," said Wabsworth, "for a while I thought it was breath freshener." Lapinette spluttered. "Let's get to a higher floor." Turbina the Jet Car headed down the ramp to pick them up and they quickly crammed in. Lapinette seized the wheel because the Wabbit was queasy and had turned a delicate green. "How many enemies are there in this town?" asked the Wabbit. "How many have you got?" replied Lapinette. "They just keep coming," said the Wabbit. "I really can't help it." "Napoleon was right." stated Lapinette. The Wabbit raised a tearful eye and pre-empted her. "Never interrupt your enemies when they're making mistakes."

4.The Wabbit and the Zombie Hostages

The Wabbit's ears pricked up as Turbina the Jet Car let off a warning honk. He dragged out his automatic and gestured at everyone to stay where they were. Then he hopped cautiously down the ramp, followed closely by Lapinette. His nose wrinkled at the sight of Robot and Wabsworth, his android double, being escorted up the ramp by Voodoo Wasps. The Wabbit waved his gun. "Unhand my friends,"  he yelled, "or it will be the worse for you." The drone of the Wasps was deafening. "Your friends are zombies now," buzzed the lead Wasp. "So give us the Stone or we'll make zombies of you all." The Wabbit narrowed his eyes because he knew Wabsworth and Robot were electronic and couldn't become zombies. He caught Lapinette's eye, glanced at Wabsworth then Robot. "I-am-a-Zombie," uttered Robot suddenly and with conviction. The Wabbit recognised the right moment and he made an imperceptible movement known only to Lapinette. "What is your purpose, Robot?" screamed Lapinette suddenly. "We-must-serve. Serve-to-live-after-we-die," said Robot in a staccato tone. Wabsworth scratched his nose several times and tapped something he was holding to his fur. "The-Stone-must-serve-them! Serve-those-who-must-be-served," he wailed. The Wabbit moved closer to Lapinette. "When Wabsworth throws the canister, run!" "Where to?" murmured Lapinette. "Far," said the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Ramp Summit

The team gathered at the big ramp where they could be certain to defend against the Wasps. The Stone was surprisingly agile and he scooted up like a young mountain goat. "Oh," he yelled. "I spy big creepy-crawly things." "Marshall Duetta Spyder" said the Wabbit in surprise. "I thought you were on leave." "You sounded desperate," said Duetta, "so I rounded up some troops and scurried over." The sound of buzzing echoed around the concrete and they paused. "The Wasps are back," said the Wabbit feeling slightly foolish. Duetta rattled her legs and all her troops did the same. "Commander Wabbit," she said in the silkiest of silky voices. "These are not the Wasps we sent to the Sombrero Galaxy." An air of puzzlement hung like a jigsaw. "Then who are they?" asked Lapinette. Duetta snorted. "They are Glyptapanteles, often known as the Voodoo Wasps." "I know them from the Caribbean," said Jenny. "But they're too big." "Who are you?" asked Duetta. "You may call me Captain," snapped Jenny. "And there's me! Don't forget me!" shouted the Stone. "I know you," said Duetta. "I got a circular." "We have to protect the Stone at all costs," said the Wabbit. The Stone leapt up and down on the parapet and shouted. "We had unco trouble already!" The legs of all the spiders rattled for what seemed like an age. "I'm bigger than trouble," said Duetta.

[Unco adj. (Scottish): Strange, Uncanny, Weird]

2. The Wabbit & the Return of the Wasps

For security reasons, the Wabbit and the Stone changed vehicles. Turbina the Jet Car was available and at the request of the Stone, they drove to hills that overlooked the river. The Stone climbed onto Turbina's roof and looked down. "I hear buzzing," murmured the Wabbit. "It sounds like the drone a' waahsps," said the Stone. Turbina's voice broke in and they both listened carefully - because Turbina was of such a high rank in the Department of Wabbit Affairs, no-one knew exactly what it was. "I understood Commander, that you exiled the Wasps to the Sombrero Galaxy." The Wasps loomed larger and larger and larger until they filled the horizon. "They're much bigger now," gasped the Wabbit. "Diet?" suggested the Stone. "I'll call it in," said the Wabbit, plucking his walkie-talkie from his fur. "Marshall Duetta Spyder, come in please," "I'm on holiday," said a silky voice. The Wabbit sighed and changed frequencies. "Lapinette, we have a situation." "Is it a Wasp situation?" said Lapinette. The Wabbit put his other paw in his fur and drew out his automatic. "It's a Giant Wasp situation," he said, snicking the safety off. "We need reinforcements." The radio crackled. "I thought you exiled the Wasps." "To the Sombrero Galaxy," added Turbina tersely. "Where's the Sombrero Galaxy anyway?" asked the Stone, "is it far?" The Wabbit grimaced. "28 million light years." "Now there's a road less travelled!" said the Stone. The Wabbit growled. "Sometimes it's for good reason."

1. Lapinette, Jenny and the Wasps

Jenny was homesick for the sea so Lapinette thought she'd take her for target practice. In a quiet spot where hardly a soul ever went, they took pot shots at various things and talked. Lapinette's Makarov blasted and a can jumped in the air. "Where's the Stone?" asked Jenny. Her automatic chattered and a rusty sign disintegrated. "Oh, he's sure to be somewhere safe with the Wabbit," said Lapinette hopefully. "I thought I heard weapon fire," said Jenny. "Just an echo," said Lapinette. But she looked around all the same. "Did I hear a plane?" asked Jenny. She let off two shots and narrowed her eyes. "We're not far from the airport," muttered Lapinette. "It was a military transport plane," said Jenny. Lapinette fired three rounds and the ricochets voomped around buildings. Time passed and a pile of spent cartridges littered the ground. "What's that buzzing?" murmured Lapinette. Jenny scanned all about. "Sounds like insects." "It's rather noisy," said Lapinette. She put down her pistol and scrutinised the area. "Bees? Wasps? Hornets?" suggested Jenny, but Lapinette was staring intently at dancing yellow reflections in the water. Suddenly she nodded to herself. She picked up her Makarov, ejected the cartridge and inserted another. Then she made certain she had spares handy. "Trouble?" enquired Jenny. Lapinette looked up to the sky. Jenny followed her gaze and gasped, "Lud rot my vitals, they're huge!"

4. The Wabbit and an Air Delivery

The Wabbit drove swiftly to a place he knew well, with the Agents of Rabit in hot pursuit. The Stone kept looking back. "They seem a wee bit annoyed," he said. "Unfinished business," said the Wabbit. He made a series of sharp turns, doubled back and for a moment it looked as if he'd lost them. Then he span the steering wheel and hauled on the brake. The jeep screeched sideways into an alleyway and stopped just short of the lead group. "What now?" asked the Stone. "We get out," said the Wabbit. The Agents stopped as they always did and shouted death threats. But before they advanced they couldn't help spitting and and howling insults so the Wabbit nudged the Stone to prepare him. "Your fur is a disgrace, Wabbit." shouted the biggest Agent. "Who cut it?" shouted another, "the fishmonger?" "They need a seein' to," muttered the Stone. "They're going to get one," advised the Wabbit and he twitched both ears. "I can hear a plane," said the Stone. Suddenly the air was thick with parachutists as all 400 of the Wabbit's private guard came tumbling from the sky. The Stone smiled - insofar as he could smile. "Hell's teeth son, whit are these?" Snazer fire and painful cries echoed across the walkways. "They are the 400 Rabbits." grinned the Wabbit. "I think this dance is oors," said the Stone.

3. The Wabbit and the High Chase

The Wabbit took the shortest route but it wasn't the easiest. It involved climbing near vertically up the Roman walls and flying off the other side. This the Wabbit accomplished at the cost of the passenger door he had previously kicked. The Agents of Rabit swarmed up the walls in pursuit, but they hadn't reckoned on the Wabbit's manoeuvre. It was what he called the Jeep Jump, which he only used in emergencies because it gave him dyspepsia. "How's your tummy, Stone?" asked the Wabbit as Agents fell from the wall with varying degrees of suprise. "I don't have a tummy exactly," said the Stone. His ears had turned a delicate mauve-blue and now he could feel the effects of  his long journey. "Where did ye learn to drive anyway, laddie?" "Tank Destroyers," murmured the Wabbit. "Aye," nodded the Stone. His ring-like eyes flickered to the rear. "Who in the name of all that's holy are these scunners?" The Wabbit scowled and peered through the cloudy windscreen. "They're Agents of Rabit, our oldest sworn enemy. They want to destroy us." "Ach, enemies," said the Stone. "They haud around much longer than friends, but what do they want wae me?" "Well, it's usually not about the money," sighed the Wabbit. "What it's aboot then?" asked the Stone. "World domination and enslavement," said the Wabbit. "Step on it son," growled the Stone. "We'll hae none a' that!"
[Scunner: Glasgow dialect. An annoying person]

2. The Wabbit and the Dancing Trolls

There seemed to be some event going on in the Piazza, so the Wabbit drew up and both he and the Stone hopped out. "I hear bonnie music," said the Stone. "Let's have a look," said the Wabbit. In the distance the Wabbit thought he could see Folk Dancers, but as they drew close his expression changed - now he made out the awful features of his enemies, the Agents of Rabit. The Stone jumped in the air and did a wee jig. "Heuch!" he yelled and he bounced up and down oblivious to the Wabbit's dismay. "Stone," shouted the Wabbit over the music. "Stone, we'd better be getting along." "Ach," said the Stone. I like this." He birled left and right and his boots made a clackety sound on the paving stones. It was the clackety sound that did. An Agent in the centre of the dance turned very, very slowly to the left and stared the Wabbit right in the eyes. "Stone," called the Wabbit. "Just turn in a casual fashion and make your way back to the jeep." The Stone couldn't help it. He had to look round. "My Goad," he cried. "Whit are these creatures of repellent aspect?" The Wabbit smiled a lopsided grin and hopped towards the jeep. "Let me buy you lunch," he said. "Oh aye," said the Stone and still dancing he made his way to join the Wabbit. But as the Wabbit started the engine, the Agents of Rabit danced in formation round the jeep and leered through the windows. "Good music all the same," said the Stone. The Wabbit grimaced. "The Devil gets his pick."

1. The Wabbit and the Sightseeing Stone

The Wabbit had agreed to show the Stone around, but the Stone had ideas of his own. "What about this nice bus?" he asked. "Reasonable price, hop-on hop-off whaur ye like." "You can hop in my jeep," said the Wabbit, "and it won't cost you a thing," "Whit aboot lunch?" said the Stone slyly. "We can stop for lunch," said the Wabbit. The Stone nodded and looked up at the bus. "Whit aboot high photographs?" "We can go to a high place," said the Wabbit. The Stone pointed. "It says there's a commentary on the bus." "I can do a commentary," said the Wabbit. "Prove it," said the Stone. The Wabbit cleared his throat. "At the start of the first century BC, this spot was occupied by a gate in the Roman walls." "Boring," said the Stone. "Liven it up." "The mighty Decumanus Maximus Taurinorum started here," yelled the Wabbit. Tourists looked round and the Wabbit warmed up. "This is the old Capital and we still regard it as such," he proclaimed. Some bus passengers got off to listen. "Keep going, don't stop," said the Stone. "We call Turin ... the Cradle of Liberty!" shouted the Wabbit. Cheering broke out and they heard clapping from the top of the bus. "Will I take the money now?" suggested the Stone. The Wabbit gunned the throttle, span his wheels and kicked the passenger door open. "Get in," he said, "before we're arrested."

The Real Adventure Caffè

The team assembled at the Jazz Club for a secret confab but Skratch the Cat was late as usual. He liked to make an entrance. The Wabbit had the Stone in his charge and had been briefing him, so it was no surprise when the Stone shouted "I'll' ask the question!" They all pretended not to notice Skratch hove into sight. Suddenly the Stone yelled. "What kind of adventure was that?" Skratch stopped in his tracks and for once he was quiet. "The adventure was recuperated spectacle," murmured Jenny. Everyone looked round and Jenny smiled. "We undercut its hegemony through our directly lived experience." Skratch looked absolutely dumbfounded. "But did we fully foreground the signifier?" asked the Wabbit. "I think," said Lapinette, "that an overweening concern for structure is a sign of a misspent youth." Skratch croaked slightly and opened his mouth. Without warning, Wabsworth the Wabbit's android double, chipped in. "Complex phenomena cannot be reduced like so much soup!" "I'd like so much soup," said the Stone. Skratch was relieved to change the subject. "Of course," he said. "How discourteous of me. What soup will you have?" "Quantum soup," laughed the Stone. Skratch's eyes grew wide as his head. "We're pulling your leg, laddie," said the Stone. Skratch grinned weakly. "I think need a drink." 

The Wabbit and the Safety of the Stone

They met in the safety of the Dark Basement of the Goddesses to deliver the Stone. "Ahem," said the Wabbit because he didn't know what to say. He always felt in awe of Unut the Rabbit Goddess, but Jenny felt no awe whatsoever. "Pleased to meet you, Goddess," she nodded. Unut smiled. "No formality required. Around here, they call me Oonty." The Wabbit was delighted to see Unut in a such a good mood. "We brought the Stone," he said. There was a sudden skittering of the Stone's boots. "I'm here, you know. Am no invisible." Unut looked down affectionately. "Well done Stone. You're safe here." "Why did you need us?" asked the Wabbit boldly. Unut took the Wabbit's paw. "Only you and Jenny together could get to the Stone." "So what next?" asked Jenny. "Hold the Stone close," said Unut. "There are evil forces who want to destroy him." The Wabbit sighed with relief and he grinned broadly because now he felt in familiar territory. "Is that all?" he said, grasping Jenny's paw in solidarity. "Not quite," said Unut. The Wabbit's eyes narrowed and Unut's voice changed. "This enemy is trickier than most and they would use magic against us." "What kind of magic?" asked Jenny. "Voodoo," replied Unut. The Wabbit bared all of his 28 teeth. "Hop through the fire, fly through the smoke." Jenny gripped the Wabbit's paw tightly. "See our enemy at the end of dey rope."

The Wabbit and the Return Splash

The team heard an enormous roaring and they rushed to the observation window. They were above water and airborne, but the Wabbit recognised the buildings. "We're home!" he yelled, "We're home!" Thoth's voice boomed over the tannoy. "We have arrived in Turin. Please prepare to disembark."  "Where on earth can we disembark?" asked Skratch the Cat. The Wabbit frowned. He didn't relish Thoth returning to a his rightful shape as a baboon with everyone inside. But Wabsworth was as calm as an android can be. "The Egypt Museum probably, we have to hide the stone." Now Lapinette knew this would concern the Wabbit even more and murmured in his ear. "I'm sure the Stone will be fine there for a while." "What if he wants to go around?" mused the Wabbit. "What if he goes off on a folly?" "Let him," said Lapinette, "what's the worst that could happen?" In his mind, the Wabbit caught a brief glimpse of the city struck by flame, flood, pestilence and rogue meteorites. Skratch noticed the Wabbit's distracted look and spoke calmly. "I wonder," he said. "Not a soul will expect the Stone to do his own thing." "So by not hiding," added Jenny, "he will automatically be hidden where no-one will ever look." "OK," said the Wabbit and he looked purposefully around the team for an escort. "Puma?" suggested Lapinette. "Robot?" said Wabsworth. "Duetta?" said Skratch. "I suppose it falls to me," sighed the Wabbit.

17. The Wabbit at the Whale Caffè

"What's this for a sort of officers' mess?" asked Skratch. "I'm the God, Thoth," boomed Thoth out of nowhere. "I am thrice great and I can have thrice what I like." "Very sophisticated," said the Wabbit soothingly as he sipped his wine and for a moment there was silence. "Just don't leave any sticky wine rings on the generators," added Thoth. "It gets into the sprockets." The Wabbit shook his head and raised his glass. "I propose a toast," he said. "Here's to the team who brought back the Stone." "Am no back yet," said the Stone, "and where's my wine?" "Stones don't drink wine," said Lapinette. "Oh aye they do," said the Stone. "You just have to spill it on top of me." Lapinette looked at the Stone with astonishment. "I absorb it," he explained. A great wail echoed round the engines. "There will be no spilling of wine near my machinery," roared Thoth. "Thoth," said the Wabbit, "I didn't think you whale gods needed engines." "I'm experimenting," answered Thoth. "It's a whole new clean energy approach in deity transport." "These are electricity generators," said the Wabbit. "Exactly," replied Thoth. "What fuel do they run on?" asked the Wabbit. "Anti-plankton," said Thoth, "thrice recycled." The Wabbit glanced at Jenny the Pirate and she shrugged. "We're walking the anti-plankton," she smiled. 

16.The Wabbit - the Belly of the Whale

The team hopped into Thoth's mouth and slid down his whale's throat as if it was a chute. They weren't expecting a restaurant but they were delighted. The Stone took his place of honour as music started. A stately drum roll echoed in the vast hall, then a long wail of pipes swung rapidly into a reel. The Wabbit grinned mightily. He placed his feet together in a pointy fashion, sprang into the air and shouted "heuch" like a warlock. Lapinette only knew of this from books but she too flung herself upwards with joy. Jenny the Pirate was already airborne, dragging Skratch into a mad dance and singing. "Oh I've sailed in storms and I sailed through gales, but I ne'er did travel in the belly of a whale!" How they duner’d, and hooh’d, and thumped, and raved. They threw each other around until they were quite hysterical. "Oh," laughed the Wabbit, slumping. "That was awful guid." "I found my cap," said a delighted Skratch. The Wabbit turned to him but something else took his attention. "Wabsworth!" How did you get here?" Wabsworth looked up and waved. "I used another way in," he said, "it was rather interesting." Lapinette smirked as a deep voice boomed suddenly from the bowels of the whale. "Food is served in the Officers' Mess." "What's on the menu?" cried the Stone. "Seafood nibbles," boomed Thoth, "thrice fried." "Paw food!" yelled Skratch.

15. The Wabbit and Unusual Transport

The Wabbit looked into the distance and worried. "Where's Wabsworth?" "He's coming," said Lapinette, "he had some kingship ritual to perform." A strange cry split the air that was somewhere between a screech and a roar. "Please be quick," said Thoth the Whale. "I am thrice impatient." "What about our ships?" asked Jenny the Pirate. "I'm not going anywhere without my ship." "The Unut is in dry dock in Genoa," sighed Thoth, "and the Lepus is being retro-fitted in Troon." "Then how do we get home?" asked Skratch, "and where's my cap?" "You're coming with me," said Thoth, "do you have the Stone?" The Wabbit was furious and hopped up and down. "You knew what we had to find! You knew all along!" "I am thrice duplicitous," said Thoth. "Oh it's no use arguing," grunted the Wabbit. "We all have to get in." "What's it like in there?" asked Skratch. "Thoroughly unpleasant," snorted Jenny who had a clue about whales. Lapinette looked doubtful. There was another noise. "I have pleasant quarters and a full supply of aperitivi on board." "Rum?" asked Jenny. "Seven Fathoms," replied Thoth. "Music?" asked the Wabbit. "Jazz," said Thoth. "Any Highland tunes?" asked the Stone. "Drums, fifes, bagpipes and tabors," said Thoth. "I'm on ma holidays!" shouted the Stone.