The Wabbit at the Adventure Caffè

" ... that someone special was the Wabbit." Lapinette spoke softly and the Wabbit nodded gravely. "Our meeting had to be kept secret from our enemies, the Agents of Rabit." Rabbit Jenny took roses from her pockets and passed them around. "Type of adventure, Skratch?" she asked. "This was epic theatre," said Skratch immediately. "Speaking of yourself in the third person confronted our dominant specularity and made us think critically." Lapinette looked directly at Jenny. "What about the hanging washing? That was just a symbol wasn't it?" Jenny smiled and shook her head. "No, I don't take prisoners." "So expensive," commented the Wabbit. Lapinette frowned but she was too far away to kick his ankle. "How many of them were there?" asked Wabsworth. Jenny shrugged. "I really don't recall." A silence fell. "Their bones will bleach in the sun," quipped Skratch. Everyone laughed and Jenny turned to him. "I like you, I like you a lot." Skratch blushed. No-one knew, although his voice trembled slightly. "There's one part of the narrative that needs to be addressed." Jenny raised a considerable eyebrow and Skratch waved at her uniform. "The coins you had sewn into your tunic. What happened to them?" Jenny laughed. "I spent them," she said, "and now I need to find more." The Wabbit's 28 teeth gleamed. "That can be arranged." But Jenny's eyes were on Skratch. "Did I foreground the signifier, Skratch?" she asked. "You are the signifier," he gasped.

Pt 11: Jenny and the Last Washing

"That can't be the end of the story," said Skratch the Cat, "it's much too exciting." "Yes," said the Wabbit, "we want a coda." Pirate Jenny stared with amusement at her glass and gulped the contents down. "Indeed," she said, "there must be an end, so here's the tail." Lapinette smiled and applauded. Pirate Jenny waved an arm and spoke. "On the deck of the Lepus, Rabbit Jenny opened the third and last of her packages and took out a sack of coins. Then she shrugged off her blue tunic and told the Quartermaster to have the coins made into buttons to be stitched into her uniform. She hardly looked back as her ship slid away from the ratty coast, but she caught sight of the rows of washing she’d left as a warning - and watched as a breeze blew in and filled the garments." Pirate Jenny stopped and lifted her glass in a toast and so did everyone else. "The clothes should have billowed, but under Jenny's gaze they started to jerk and kick in a grim gallows jig. Her nose twitched as if she'd smelled something sour and she turned away from the coast. An ancient and grizzled mariner grasped her fur and asked where they were going. Jenny took his hand gently. A bolt of electricity shot up the mariner’s arm and prickled across his shoulders, but when it reached his heart it felt warm. She told him they would follow the Southern Cross and the mariner asked for the name of the port. Rabbit Jenny shook her head, smiled and pointed out to sea. “We have a secret rendezvous with someone special.”

Pt 10: Jenny - and Now or Later

Pirate Jenny’s audience was on tenterhooks as Jenny’s eyes hardened and she took another deep draught of rum. She looked around her audience but Wabsworth couldn’t restrain himself. "What happened next?" he breathed. "I will tell you," smiled Pirate Jenny – and she did. "Rabbit Jenny stood and looked at the harbour she had watched for so long. Behind her, voices grew louder and louder until she could hear every word. They were bringing the prisoners in, bringing them to her. And they wanted to know what to do with them. She heard one ask if they should kill them now or later and all the sailors took up the cry. “Now or later, now or later?” Their voices echoed through the shabby alleyways and the shattered buildings of that ratty town. Rabbit Jenny stared and stared until she realised they were asking the question of her. So she took the second package from her bag, unwrapped it and using the hook on her injured paw, extracted a blood-stained towel. Then she lifted it high above her head and waited - waited as only Jenny could. Everything became quiet - even the splashing of waves on the dock. The sailors watched Jenny’s paw and it was unnaturally still for what seemed like an age. Then way up in the air a seagull screeched. With a sudden movement Jenny brought the towel down and breathed  ... “Right now.”

Pt 9: Jenny makes a Departure

Jenny the Pirate Chief paused for enough time to pour another glass and just for a second she watched her rum swirl. Lapinette reached out to touch Jenny’s paw and her eyes urged Jenny to continue. Jenny's eyes gleamed in response as she put down her glass and went on. "The massive cannon of the ghostly ship overshadowed the harbour and it could easily be seen from Rabbit Jenny’s attic window. But Jenny was no longer there. As she headed down the hotel stairs, she took out the first of the objects from her bag – an object that she quickly unwrapped."  Pirate Jenny stopped talking suddenly and she too pulled out something from one of her many pockets and waved it at her audience before continuing. "A guest stepped forward to bar Jenny’s path but it was his last conscious act. A pistol fired and the muzzle flash lit his cruel face in the dim hotel lobby. “Who are you?” muttered the guest in a last dying gasp before his knees buckled and he sank silently onto the shabby carpet.  Jenny kicked his body aside. She shoved the automatic deep into her fur and glancing in a cracked hotel mirror, she straightened her hat. Then she hopped through the door and onto the hapless streets of the ratty little town where four hundred sailors swarmed in every shadowy lane. They were rounding people up and taking them away, but they stiffened to attention and saluted as Rabbit Jenny moved seamlessly through their ranks, heading directly for the harbour ..."

Pt.8: Jenny and the Seige

Pirate Jenny wore an intense expression, so wrapped in her story that her glass of grog remained untouched. Her eyes narrowed and it seemed to everyone listening that they were really there with her in that awful shabby hotel. Jenny suddenly lifted her glass, drained the contents and spoke. "Even though the shape seemed far out to sea, Rabbit Jenny recognised a ghostly ship and could make out frantic activity on the deck. She grasped her hat firmly, straightened her red rose and braced herself. Suddenly the harbour lit up as the ship wheeled to port and cannon fire burst from her bow. The town shook and plaster fell from all the walls of the hotel."  Pirate Jenny stopped and waved her hook, pretending to pick plaster from her ears. Now her voice grew menacing. The hateful guests cowered in their rooms and prayed for deliverance but Jenny casually turned from the window. Bending slightly, she levered a loose floorboard with her hook and took out three wrapped objects, which she placed in a small bag." Pirate Jenny paused because it looked like Wabsworth was going to ask about the objects, but he merely nodded, so she nodded back and carried on. "Rabbit Jenny returned to the window. Seeing that the ship had closed on the town she turned to light a lamp behind her - so that her silhouette could watch. The massive cannon on the bow of the ghostly ship swung right and left, up and down, blasting the coast until every building was flat. Except that is ...  for one ratty little hotel.  

Pt 7: Jenny when The Ship Came In

The Wabbit and Lapinette watched Jenny the Pirate as she stood akimbo and swayed her body back just like a pirate should. Everyone was desperate to hear the next bit of story, but they stayed very quiet until Captain Jenny began again. Rabbit Jenny watched the harbour from an attic window in the ratty old hotel, but she did watch. Never a night passed when she didn’t. Her eyes grew tired and her limbs grew weary but she wouldn’t give up. Night after night she watched while the hotel guests slumbered. Long after the dubious deeds were done and the dock became deserted, she continued her vigil and she missed nothing." Pirate Jenny stopped, took another swig of rum then frowned at her empty glass. The Wabbit hopped forward and quickly refilled it while Pirate Jenny continued. "Her task seemed unending. But one night when the moon crept behind the shadows, a shape appeared on the distant horizon and came quietly closer. Rabbit Jenny looked far out to sea and when she saw it, her heart slammed three times under her fur." Jenny slammed her glass three times on the table and when everyone jumped, she smiled. "She went swiftly to a small cupboard, took out a special hat and put it on her head. Then she slid open a drawer and from a recess at the back extracted a flower made from red cloth. Carefully pinning the flower to her hat, she turned to watch as the shape cut through the limpid waters like a knife. It made no sound whatsoever and Rabbit Jenny kept watching. But she got ready to move."

Pt 6: Rabbit Jenny & the Medical Tray

Jenny, the Pirate Chief, took another sip of rum. She closed her eyes for a second and when they opened they seemed to flash. They looked like diamonds catching the light and they clearly said, "No interruptions." Her brow furrowed and her lips pursed as she went on. "In her meagre quarters in the ratty hotel, Rabbit Jenny cleaned her wound and applied bandages. Although spikes of pain shot through her paw, she did not feel hurt exactly. Hurt was something Rabbit Jenny would not allow and she refused to show anything resembling distress. Yet deep inside, some anguish spasmed that was quite unlike the injury to her paw - because it couldn’t be bandaged. Jenny lifted the hook that she’d found in a drawer and gripped it firmly in her injured paw so that she could pick things up. She tried it a few times until she became practiced, then she washed the bloodstained towels and hung them out to dry. And just like before, Jenny ironed each one and folded it neatly. But bloodstains are hard to remove and even though Jenny laundered the towels well, each one bore signs of Jenny’s pain. She gave each towel a name that was impossible to forget and returned to pursue her nocturnal vigil. Rabbit Jenny wasn’t going to give up, but she became wilier. Every night after that she was careful to look behind her. But she also looked up at the moon and silently chanted the list of names."

Pt 5: Jenny and the Watched Window

 

Jenny the Pirate Chief paused in her story and asked for grog. So Lapinette twitched an ear slightly and a waiter instantly appeared with a new bottle of Seven Fathoms rum and 5 fresh glasses. Jenny poured herself a healthy libation, drank it back in one gulp and set the glass down on the table with a crash. Then she began once more. "One night, Rabbit Jenny stared and stared out of the hotel window. Usually, the guests were too drunk to see her and even if they did, they were incapable of movement. But something woke them from their torpor and they noticed her staring there and started to talk. They whispered to each other, “what’s she got to stare at?” and pointed at Jenny and made circular motions with their fingers as if she was mad. Jenny was absorbed in watching the dank harbour so she never saw the guest advance. With one finger on his lips he crept up on Jenny and with a sudden swipe and enormous force, he smashed the window down on her paw."  Lapinette and the Wabbit flinched back but Pirate Jenny held her head high. "If the guest expected her to cry in pain, then he was sadly mistaken because she made no sound. But Rabbit Jenny turned and her eyes burned into those of her tormentor until he shielded his face and turned away. With blood running from her paw, she hopped past the guests and into her quarters ..."

Pt 4: Jenny and the Laundry List

Jenny looked around to see if she had complete attention then tilted her pirate hat forward at a jaunty angle and looked at her audience. The friends leaned forward on their seats with eager faces and waited for her to explain how Rabbit Jenny remembered everything she saw in the night. Jenny the Pirate began again.  "Late at night, when Jenny was going to sleep, she curled up and tried to recall everything she had witnessed in the docks. Then one by one she attached each event to a piece of washing." Pirate Jenny stopped and smiled grimly. "Jenny knew all about washing. Every morning at the crack of dawn she was forced to launder all the soiled clothes of the cruel hotel guests. There was so much to do that her paws were raw-red by the time she served breakfast. But at bed time reverie, her mind floated and laundered what she’d seen on the docks. She first gave the laundry very special names for all the dubious exchanges she had witnessed. Then she designated a garment for each of the people involved - and if she didn’t know who they were, she invented a name them. As she imagined folding clothes and putting them away, she allocated to each of these people a fitting punishment. In the eye of her imagination she could see layers of garments - ironed, folded and named - rising to the top of a basket. Then as the stack of freshly laundered washing became ever higher, she willed the basket to suddenly fall. It was only then - at the precise moment when garments spilled onto ground - that Rabbit Jenny smiled and drifted into sleep...”

Pt 3: Jenny and the Shadowy Harbour

Now the group was enthralled and Pirate Jenny’s voice quietened as she went on telling her story. "Every night at a late hour," said Jenny, "things became quiet in the ratty hotel. That was when the big time gamblers and their floozies slumped helplessly drunk in massive armchairs." Lapinette wrinkled her nose in disgust but Jenny was warming to her narrative and now she smiled an affectionate smile. "It was at that hour, in the deep dead of night, when Rabbit Jenny hopped to the window and watched the harbour to see the boats crawl in. She saw figures creeping out of the shadows and her ears pricked up as she heard them talking. All across the dock the air hung heavy like blunted daggers ..."  Jenny paused as her audience shrank back and her voice grew bold as she continued her tale. "Rabbit Jenny tried to make out the sound of hollow voices and she closely watched the men glance over their shoulders as they exchanged notes for cargo.  It wasn’t easy to see what everything was and Jenny knew she had to remember every single exchange that took place. But there were so many." The audience murmured with interest, but Wabsworth couldn’t contain himself. "How did she remember everything?" he asked. "Did she take notes?" Everyone shushed Wabsworth to be quiet but Jenny smiled nicely at him. "It was too dangerous to take notes," she said softly. “But Rabbit Jenny devised her own way of remembering ..."

Pt 2: Jenny & the Reprobate's Retreat

"But who did stay in this awful place?" asked the Wabbit eagerly. Jenny made some sort of facial expression that wasn’t a frown as such - it was closer to disdain and she pursed her lips and carried on with her story. "In the scruffy town, overlooking the dank harbour lay a ratty hotel. Visitors hardly dared go there and few were brave enough to speak of it at all. The hotel hosted a number of creatures – all men without visible means of support. They seemed to have nothing to do except lay about and drink and shout and laugh and swear like troopers"  Lapinette made a grimace and Jenny matched it as she continued. "But the butt of their jokes fell on a domestic, whose name was Rabbit Jenny." There was a gasp from Jenny's audience - even if they had some idea this was coming - and Jenny’s voice became angry. "All day long Rabbit Jenny scurried after the men, doing their bidding and fetching this and that. But the men tripped her up and pulled her fur and spilled her water. And if she even looked round they taunted her with cruel names and spat at her as she hurried past." Jenny stopped because the Wabbit looked furious and Skratch's claws had extended. Lapinette gazed at Jenny and said softly, "Do you want to stop?" Jenny shook her head. "Now I've started," she said, "and I always finish what I start ..."

Pt 1: Jenny & the Scruffy Promontory

"Please start Jenny," asked Lapinette. As usual, the Wabbit grinned and said "I’m all ears." Jenny smiled a wry smile and began. As she began to speak, they all leaned back and listened eagerly. There was something compelling about her husky voice and the way she described things, so they gave her rapt attention without interruption - well, little interruption, because the friends were very curious creatures indeed. "Once upon a time," began Jenny. Everyone snuggled in anticpation. "... Once upon a time," said Jenny, "in a far-off land, on a scruffy bit of coast there lay an even scruffier promontory. And on that promontory there was a scruffy little town where honest people never went. In the darkness of the night, small boats stole in to the town's dank harbour and departed quietly in the early hours under muffled oars." Jenny paused and looked around the faces and scowled. "Not many went to that shabby place unless they had some sort of business to transact and most arrived and left in haste. But there were others who lived there."  "What kind of business?” murmured Lapinette under her breath. But Skratch, who had been a cat burglar, nudged her to be quiet. Of any of them, he had the best idea of that kind of thing. "Unfunny business," he snorted. Jenny nodded her agreement and continued ...

The Wabbit and the Pirate Caffè

Lapinette made herself comfortable and threw her tunic on the seat. Rabbit Jenny, the Pirate Chief, enquired what manner of grog they preferred. Not getting a lightning answer, she called over her shoulder. "A bottle of Seven Fathoms Rum and five glasses. Chop chop!" Jenny turned to Skratch the Cat, who wouldn't take off his cap. "Lighten up, feline, I believe you usually ask some question at this juncture." "Were not exactly finished our adventure, Captain," said Skratch. "But I think we're in the Pirate Genre." "Certainly not," said the Wabbit, "we're more correctly negotiating the Naval and War genre, about which there is a very enormous book indeed." "One book does not a genre make," observed  Wabsworth, who had been compiling a list of popular quotations. "Belay all that persiflage," said Jenny. "What does the Marchesa make of it so far." "This," said Lapinette carefully, "is different. Neither pastiche nor satire, the adventure is a sardonic comment concerning alliances and coalitions." "I like you, Lapinette," laughed Jenny. "You have it in a nutshell. These blowhards are bilged on their own anchors." "What about your story?" asked Lapinette. "I need to be plied with rum," replied Jenny. The Wabbit grinned. "Skratch," he called. "You're in charge of plying." Skratch flicked an imaginary piece of lint from his coat. "Plying," he purred, "is my middle name."

The Wabbit and the Pirate Confab

Jenny the Pirate Chief led the Unut to a secret castle built on two secret hills - and there they docked and disembarked for a confab. "Now," said the Wabbit, "we must talk about details." "How boring," said Lapinette. "I want to know all about Rabbit Jenny and her curious ship." Lapinette advanced on the Wabbit but Jenny held him securely by her hook. The Wabbit looked from side to side, shaking his head sternly. "There are certain protocols that must be followed." He turned to Jenny. "Thank you Captain for inviting us to your castle." Jenny laughed. "Oh, it's not my castle, I just borrowed it." The Wabbit grinned a very broad grin indeed, which he did well to conceal. "It's delightful," murmured Lapinette. "Will we be dining at a banquet?" Jenny laughed again. "I'm afraid the caterers have deserted us." "Oh what a shame," said Lapinette, "I so want to hear your story." Jenny paused. "We use a cafe a wee bit down the Glen, so we could go there." The Wabbit nodded approvingly. "Excellent!" he said with glee and he rubbed his paws together. "There, I'll tell you as much as I can," continued Jenny. "Is it a long story?" asked Lapinette. "As long as a length of rope," said Jenny. Lapinette didn't turn a hair. "Splendid," she said, "I want to hear every single detail." "Will the story have pictures?" mused the Wabbit. "What's the use of a story?" asked Jenny, "without pictures and chit-chat?"

7. The Wabbit & the Dangerous Strait

They emerged out of the mist in a place they weren't expected. That was all to the good except for the treacherous waters. All sounds were muffled except the steady chopping of Lapinette's Merlin, but the ether was electric with radio signals. Commander Wabbit's voice crackled. "Lepus, nasty reef to starboard, just below the surface." But there was no reply. Now Lapinette's radio crackled. "Lepus come in please, currents taking you too close to the Unut." Still there was silence. "Lepus, Lepus?" The Wabbit broke in. "Flight Commander, switch to short wave and keep calling." His voice was terse. "Skratch, hail the Lepus. Don't stop until she answers." The Wabbit lifted his walkie talkie. "And Wabsworth, place a warning flare in front of the Lepus." With a bang, a flash hung over the Lepus and briefly painted the water pink. There was an agonising delay. Then with an inexplicable creaking, the Lepus swung slowly to starboard. A sudden burst of static announced Captain Jenny. "Sorry Commander, we had an electrical failure."  "You certainly picked your spot," said the Wabbit and he looked up. "Lapinette, how do we look now?" "Like a painting, " said Lapinette. "What kind of painting?" asked the Wabbit. "Watercolour," said Lapinette. "You can't get better," smiled the Wabbit.