4. The Wabbit and the Flying PIN

Wabsworth had joined the search for the Wabbit's vanishing idea and had recommended they took the high ground. It was becoming clear that he was right. At first they couldn't see much but then they heard a soft drone, like a light plane. "Ah," said Wabsworth, feeling vindicated. "Is that your idea, Wabbit?" "It's always changing," grimaced the Wabbit. "It started as a pillow, then it became bathroom scales," said Skratch. "And last time it was speaking clock." added Lapinette. They all gazed at the flying piggy bank as it made its way across the sky. Wabsworth screwed up his eyes. "What's that at the back?" he asked. Lapinette nudged the Wabbit. "It looks like a PIN letter from the bank - is that your PIN?" "I can't see it," said the Wabbit. A deep voice boomed from above. "2 4 6 8!" and the pig vanished into the sky. "Is that it?" asked Skratch. "I've no idea," muttered the Wabbit. Lapinette sighed deeply because she knew the Wabbit hated ATMs and preferred to keep cash concealed in his fur. "I remember!" said the Wabbit and he whispered to Lapinette. "It's 3 5 7 9. It's in a song." "Two, four, six, eight, Motorway?" asked Wabsworth, who's hearing was second to none. "Now everyone knows." groaned the Wabbit, "and I have to change it." "I think I know where this idea's going," grinned Skratch. They turned to stare at him. "The Road to Hell," he purred ...
[Tom Robinson: 2-4-6-8 Motorway / 3-5-7-9 on a double white line]

3. The Wabbit and Idea Time

All day and through evening until late, Lapinette and the Wabbit scoured the city for the Wabbit's idea. They were going to call it a night when they caught sight of Skratch coming out of a kebab shop and they called to him. But at the same instant another object appeared just above his head. "Grab it Skratch!" called the Wabbit. "We're chasing it!" Skratch leapt high in the air and just got a paw to the edge. "Identify yourself," he screeched, "and be quick about it." "I'm the Wabbit's idea," said the object, "and it's time for me to be going." The object gradually faded then with a slight plop it disappeared. Skratch turned to the Wabbit. "What the devil is happening Wabbit? Is this a test?" The Wabbit shook his head ruefully. "It's my idea, it keeps vanishing." Lapinette chimed in. "It was a pillow, then bathroom scales and now it's a clock." Skratch gazed at the empty night. "Wabbit, how did it escape?" "I have no idea," said the Wabbit. "And you're chasing it?" asked Skratch. "That's the general idea," said Lapinette. "I'll help you look," said Skratch. The Wabbit smiled with relief. "Oh good, I had the same idea." Skratch smoothed his fur with both paws and flicked his tail. "This idea's time has come," he muttered.

2. Lapinette has a Good Idea

"Stop that thing!" shouted the Wabbit. Lapinette wasn't expecting to meet the Wabbit in the Metro, nor to see him in such a dramatic mood. But all the same she turned and when she did, she saw a strange object. "Who are you and what do you want?" she glared. The object merely smiled. "I'm the Wabbit's idea," it said. Then it faded and disappeared. Lapinette swiped around but there was nothing to grab, so she looked at the Wabbit sternly. "Are you up to something again, Wabbit?" "It says it's my idea and it's been eluding me all over the city," huffed the Wabbit. "It looks like bathroom scales," said Lapinette. "It keeps changing," sighed the Wabbit. "It was a pillow before." Lapinette thought for a good minute and the Wabbit thought he could hear her brain whirring. "Let's join forces," she decided," and we'll nail it." "Oh good," said the Wabbit and he grinned. "But should we entertain this particular idea?" "Let's be clear Wabbit," said Lapinette, "was it an idea or just a passing thought?" "It was the faintest glimmer of an idea," sighed the Wabbit." "Ideas are always in short supply," stated Lapinette firmly, "so when we catch up with it, we'll make it talk." "Good idea," surmised the Wabbit, "because once an idea has taken hold, it's impossible to get rid of it." "That makes our work easier," said Lapinette.

1. The Wabbit and the Vanishing Idea

The Wabbit was between adventures and that was a place he disliked. He had been hopping all over town desperately trying to think of an idea, when he finally arrived at Lingotto. It was a place where there was always something happening, so at first he took little notice of what he thought were new streetlamps. The Wabbit stopped in his tracks and thought hard. "These are giant lightbulbs," he said to himself, "and they're totally out of place." The Wabbit suddenly froze because he felt the germ of an idea dimly surface. "I think I have it ..!" But the moment the idea crystallised, it vanished. "Curses," said the Wabbit. "I'll try again." So he screwed up his eyes and wrinkled his nose and thought and thought. It took a full five minutes for anything to happen. Then a vague vestige of an idea seized him and he was just about to grab it, when it disappeared again. "Fiddlesticks!" thought the Wabbit. He was contemplating making one more attempt when he became aware of a floating creature to his left. "Who are you and what's your business?" he asked in a bad-tempered manner that was unlike him. "I'm your idea," said the creature. Suddenly, the creature laughed and waved at the Wabbit. But as the Wabbit reached to grasp the idea, it faded until nothing was left. "That's a dangerous idea," thought the Wabbit.

The Wabbit & the real Adventure Caffè

Lapinette was first to arrive and she'd been thinking. She knew the Wabbit wasn't telling the whole Orange Phantom story and surmised he had good reason. Nevertheless she decided to have some fun. "Oh Wabbit, that training mission was a good idea," she said. "We can all use a bit of practice." Now the Wabbit felt alarmed, but he heard Skratch coming and turned. "Skratch! What was that for a sort of adventure?" "Skratch had also been thinking and thought he'd have fun too. "It was very Twin Peaks by way of Blade Runner." Lapinette watched the Wabbit's face and when he smiled she pounced. "You like Twin Peaks don't you?" "Oh yes!" said the Wabbit, "it certainly challenged the TV rubric." Lapinette leaned back and let Skratch do the work. "I think Twin Peaks revolved around deception," he purred. "What do you think, Wabbit?" "It was baroque and labyrinthine," said the Wabbit cautiously. "But the fact that characters led double lives is insignificant." "I disagree, Wabbit," said Skratch. "It was a postmodern take on deception itself." The Wabbit squirmed. "I need a coffee," he said. "This," said Skratch, "is the Caffè Torino. There's no damned finer cup of coffee in Turin." "You know more than us, Wabbit," said Lapinette finally. "I think I know," gulped the Wabbit, "but sometimes my paws bend back."

The Wabbit at the Secret Caffè

In a secluded caffè that lay high on a hill overlooking Turin, the Wabbit held a special meeting with Wabsworth, his android double, and Marshall Duetta Spyder. He was first to arrive and somewhat impatient. So he tapped his paws in a fair imitation of Dave Brubeck's "Take Five" and watched his colleagues arrived from different directions - as instructed. "On with the work," said the Wabbit and he struck a glass with a fork. "You called the meeting, you start," said Duetta in her silky voice. "I want to start," interrupted Wabsworth, "because I'm a little unhappy with our subterfuge." Duetta was always happy with subterfuge. She shook her head. "Wabsworth," said the Wabbit. "It was of the utmost importance that everyone had realistic reactions." They all nodded gravely, so the Wabbit continued. "I want to know how our adventure looked to our enemies." "It looked most authentic," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit shrugged. "And that's why no-one was told,". Wabsworth sighed and stuck his paws in his fur, just like the Wabbit. "Our enemies will try to make contact with the Orange Phantoms," continued the Wabbit. "Which are departmental holograms!" said Wabsworth,. He brightened a little. "When will that be?" asked Duetta. "Not immediately," said the Wabbit. "They'll bide their time and so shall we." "When shall we inform the others?" asked Wabsworth. "When it's the most fun," smiled the Wabbit.

21. The Wabbit is taken by Surprise

Back on the ground, Wabsworth greeted his friends. But they seemed none too pleased. "What the binky is going on Wabsworth?" demanded the Wabbit. He pointed at Wabsworth and Lapinette pointed too. "What have you been up to?" "Its all official," said Wabsworth. "What do you mean, official?" screeched Ghost Bunny, "we were nearly destructivated!" Wabsworth cringed slightly. "It was a training programme. You all pass with flying colours." The Wabbit was aghast but the look on his face was nothing compared to Lapinette's. "What about the orange phantoms?" she said through gritted teeth. "Holograms," said Wabsworth. "The olives?" asked the Wabbit. "Drones," replied Wabsworth. "The crafts?" screeched Ghost Bunny. "DWA Space Programme III," sighed Wabsworth. They all seethed for a while. "OK, OK," said the Wabbit, calming down. "Wabsworth, who knew?" "Marshall Duetta," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit glanced over his shoulder to see Skratch in an angry conversation with Duetta and he adopted her silky smooth voice. "And who ordered the mission?" "Can't say," said Wabsworth. "Someone very high." The Wabbit drew close to Lapinette and whispered in a voice she knew well. "It might be someone high, but there's always someone higher."

20. Wabsworth brings them In

"This is Wabsworth in Ground Control. Come in Blue Craft." A puzzled Lapinette looked for something to speak into, then decided just to speak. "Copy you Wabsworth. All accounted for." There was rather a long pause. "Await further instructions." crackled the radio. Silence fell inside the craft as they watched Duetta's spiders surround the Olives and force them towards the surface. Out in space, Marshall Duetta Spyder picked up Wabsworth's signal. "What a pleasant surprise, Commander Wabsworth." Wabsworth grinned wryly although no-one could see him. "Marshall, please order your brigades to encircle and protect both blue and orange crafts." Duetta hovered gently as she sent out a telepathic signal. Immediately a dozen spider brigades converged on the crafts as they hurtled earthwards. The radio crackled again. "Marquesa, don't touch the controls, I'm bringing you in remotely." Lapinette looked at the Wabbit, the Wabbit glanced at Skratch the Cat then they all looked at Ghost Bunny. "By all the Ghosts of Pluto, I swear this was nothing to do with me," she breathed. "I suppose we'll find out when we land," said the Wabbit and he shrugged. "Do you think they have supplies on this ship?" wondered Lapinette. "What kind of supplies?" asked the Wabbit. "I'm a little thirsty," said Lapinette. The Wabbit laughed. "This is a ship after all," he said. "So we just have to find the cocktail cabinet."

19. The Wabbit and the Bay Door

Inside the blue craft, the Orange Phantom shouted loudly and tried to twist out of Skratch's grip. But Skratch had learned well from Puma and refused to release his prey. With a sudden sigh, the Phantom's wings detached, his cloak deflated and his head floated in the air. "Now!" shouted the Wabbit. "Everyone hang on!" yelled Lapinette and she span a wheel. Air hissed as a bay door opened and blue light pierced the craft. With a shove of his paw and a kick of his leg, Skratch sent what remained of the Orange Phantom spiralling into space - and straight into the grasp of Duetta's Red Spiders. "Doors!" shouted the Wabbit. With lightning speed, Lapinette span the wheel in the other direction and the bay door hissed shut. For a moment all that could be heard was the faint hum of the craft's life support system. "Phew," said Skratch, sniffing his paws. "He was a wriggler. That could have been a sticky situation."  Lapinette looked for somewhere to wipe her paws. "It still is," she grimaced. A heavy smell of citrus hung everywhere and she shook her head. "I don't like fruit," she said. "Neither do I," said Skratch."I don't mind bananas," said the Wabbit, but everyone ignored him. He looked around. "Ghost Bunny, what about you? Oranges or bananas?" Ghost Bunny gave a wail. "They just don't appeal."

18. Duetta and Uncooperative Olives

Marshall Duetta Spyder received a telepathic communication about the olives, but had already seen them rise out of the night sky. She made a wavy sign with one of her eight legs and all her spiders held position. "You are in controlled space," breathed Duetta in a silky telepathic voice. "Identify yourselves and state your business." There was a long pause before she became aware of the faintest of oily voices. "Controlled by whom?" "By me!" snapped Duetta. "But we are Primeval Olives," said the voice. "Yes I can see that." Duetta rubbed her two front legs together irritably and made clicking sounds that only the spiders could hear. "We were liberated from the alien craft by a strange rabbit," said the oily voice. Duetta also thought the Wabbit was strange but she snapped again. "That is the Commander!" Countless thousands of spiders hung in space awaiting Duetta’s next instruction. The oily voice returned. "We must seize the blue craft. Fall back." "The Commander is in charge of seizing things," said Duetta, "so stand down." "What if we don’t comply?" said the voice. "We will take you prisoner and destroy you later over cocktails," rasped Duetta and she made a wavy sign with another leg. All at once the spiders tripled in number and the synchronous rattle of millions of legs caused a shock wave that hurled the olives back ... 

17. The Wabbit and Primeval Surprise

The lights changed and the Orange Phantom lunged at the Wabbit. But with a move that he'd learned from Puma, Skratch the Cat pounced and gripped the Phantom in a headlock. Now the Wabbit looked at the Phantom with distaste. "Check him out," yelled Lapinette, who had taken the helm. The lights flickered as the Wabbit looked the Phantom over. "What exactly do we have here?" he muttered. He leant down and scooped the citrus slice from the Phantom's robe and held it up and looked at it. "Leave that alone!" spluttered the Phantom. But the slice was sticky. The Wabbit tried to detach his paws without success - so he squeezed, but it wasn't pips that emerged. The objects were green and had a single red eye. As they started to grow, Ghost Bunny fluttered down to have a closer look. "Primeval olives! Don't touch them Wabbit." The Wabbit's paws were already gooey, and he had no intention of sullying them further. He was content to watch as the olives floated towards the bulkhead, growing as they travelled. With a slight popping sound, they passed straight through the walls and were gone. The Wabbit turned. "OK Phantom, this is your last chance. Spill the beans." But the Phantom could only gasp in Skratch's vice-like grip. The Wabbit glanced at Lapinette. "What do you reckon?" "I reckon I need an aperitivo," she said.

16. The Wabbit & Red Citrus Spiders

Spiders came in their thousands - perhaps millions - and they filled the space around earth as if it was theirs to command. And despite their vast numbers, they moved with one single mind. "Red Citrus Spiders!" called Marshall Duetta Spyder telepathically. "Here!" The unified voice of the spiders whistled through the galaxy. "They have seized our worker energy," said Duetta. "So what shall we do?" "Take it back," came the single voice of the spiders, creating a wind of such force that it altered the course of major asteroids. There were so many spiders that their gravitational pull was overwhelming and it gripped the fabric of space in an increasingly tightening lattice. "Hold the orange crafts," commanded Duetta. "Leave the blue one for now, but be ready." Inside the blue craft the Wabbit turned to face his adversary. "What is this trickery?" snarled the Phantom. "No trickery," said the Wabbit. "These are citrus spiders." "What do they want with us?" asked the Phantom. The Wabbit shrugged. "They want to eat you," he said. "Citrus represents their energy and you stole it." "They are small," sneered the Phantom. The Wabbit raised an eye, bared all of his 28 teeth and snarled. "They are many!"

15. The Wabbit & the Lapinette Factor

The Orange Phantom burst through the hatch and he looked far from pleased. "Relinquish command of my craft!" he cried in an acid voice, "or else!" "Oh," said the Wabbit in mock disappointment. "No can do!" "Aaagh!" shrieked the Phantom. "You'll need to speak to my superior," said the Wabbit. "She deals with all that sort of thing." "The female?" gasped the Phantom. "Oh they're awfully nice when you get to know them," shrugged the Wabbit. It was the moment when Lapinette sprang into the air and rushed headlong at the Phantom with burning eyes. "All your crafts are impounded," she thundered with a controlled rage that made the Wabbit's eyes water. "Make your way to Wabbit Space Port 3 where your ships and cargo will be seized and your crew given tickets home." The Phantom seethed with fury and the Wabbit took advantage of the moment by fishing in his fur and murmuring, "Fix location."  "What did you say?" shouted the Phantom. "I need a vacation," said the Wabbit. "Don't we all?" A sound came from deep in the Wabbit's fur and the Phantom scowled. "What was that, earth creature?" "Indigestion," said the Wabbit. "Completely chronic." But the sound turned into Marshall Duetta Spyder's silky voice. "Citrus Spiders locked on your coordinates, Commander." "I heard that!" shouted the Phantom. The Wabbit shook his head sadly. "Tinnitus," he muttered.

14. The Wabbit and a Dive into Space

Skratch took the helm and dived and they all waited. But something didn't feel right and Skratch  upped the submarine periscope and squinted into the viewfinder. The Wabbit flinched but said he nothing. Skratch turned to look at the Wabbit and addressed him formally. "Commander, we appear to be in space." Lapinette caught the Wabbit's eye. "You knew?" "I more or less thought I knew," frowned the Wabbit. "What can you see?" "There are four astral bodies," reported Skratch, "and one of them is probably us." "Are we communicating?" asked the Wabbit. "Our craft is sending and the others are receiving," said Skratch. "They're beaming energy photonically," breathed Ghost Bunny. Skratch the Cat purred with delight. "Then this periscope is probably the control unit for the beam." The Wabbit had an idea. "Perform a 180° sweep, Skratch!" Skratch gradually twisted the scope to port and then to starboard. "Report!" snapped the Wabbit.  Skratch paused for a second. "It varies the quantity of energy to each of the other bodies in the system." "Switch it off," said the Wabbit. Skratch looked nonplussed, but Lapinette pointed to a red button and jabbed it with a paw. "And now?" asked the Wabbit. "The beams have faded Commander," mouthed Skratch but he could hardly be heard as an enormous bang split the air and their compartment hatch shook and started to open ...

13. The Wabbit in the Dark

They all blinked as their eyes tried to see in the ghostly glow. The Wabbit looked around and made out vague shapes and blinked again and counted. "We're one extra," he hissed and he poked the shape next to him. "Ouch," said a voice. Now everyone blinked rapidly and stared. The shape grew familiar and then spoke. "Oh it's you, Wabbit. I wondered where you were." The Wabbit shook his head. "How did you get here, Skratch?" Skratch also shook his head. "I'm not sure. I chased after you, then a force sucked me right into the craft" "You didn't see the Orange Phantom?" asked the Wabbit. "No but I heard voices shouting about cargo and I lay low." Once more, the Wabbit looked around - but things remained unclear. Then he remembered that Skratch had a cat's night vision and he made a wry grin. "What is this place Skratch?" Skratch raised his eyes. "At first I thought I was in a power station but then it struck me as more familiar." The Wabbit waited but Lapinette jumped in. "What on earth is it, Skratch?" "It looks like a submarine," came the reply. The Wabbit thought long and hard about crafts and planets and primeval atoms and nothing made any sense, except for one thing. "Skratch, can you sail it?" "I think so," said Skratch, "so what do you want me to do?" "Dive!" yelled the Wabbit.