9 The Wabbit and the Tangerine Storm

The team headed up Corso Giulio Cesare which the Wabbit didn't like one bit, because he thought it was unlucky. He was still cold and muttering about the Ides of March, when he felt a light wind. "I have a bad feeling about this," said the Wabbit and then he cried with pain as a tangerine hit him full on the nose. With a suddeness that took them all by surprise, they were surrounded by a flurry of fruit. The Wabbt swayed back but Lapinette left the ground and two automatics flew from under her dress. The Wabbit clenched his 28 teeth as various items he kept in his fur spilled out and blew around. "The Tangerine Storm!" yelled Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit yelped as another tangerine whacked his forehead. "What do we do Ghost Bunny?" Lapinette strained to be heard above the wind. "Sit it out," screamed Ghost Bunny. "It will pass!" The Wabbit and Lapinette felt they were in no position to sit, but as suddenly as it had begun the tangerine storm passed and they dropped to the sidewalk like stones. "I bashed my knee," moaned the Wabbit. He looked aound for sympathy, but no sympathy was forthcoming. "This means war," he hissed, then thought of Brutus and quoted him. "We must take the current when it serves - or lose our dentures." "Ventures," sighed Lapinette.

8. The Wabbit and change in Weather

They lost sight of the Phantoms as they crossed the bridge and as they walked beside the river they felt a sudden chill. "It's happening, it's happening!" screeched Ghost Bunny. "What's happening?" shivered the Wabbit. Ghost Bunny shivered too. "This is how they do it," she moaned. Now the Wabbit was very cold and he grunted again. "Spit it out, Ghost Bunny!" Ghost Bunny wailed frantically. "They're looking for energy and when they find it, they'll take it." The Wabbit clapped his paws for heat and grunted again. "Then they convert it and their planet glows blue." continued Ghost Bunny. "I wish you'd tell us the whole story, Ghost Bunny," said Lapinette. "I feel rather in the dark." "The Phantoms worship their sun and continually feed it," sighed Ghost Bunny. "They rampage their constellation for loot." "We're too far away for that," scoffed the Wabbit. "Well, they must be desperate," replied Ghost Bunny and she haunted up and down for some time. "What are they looking for exactly?" asked the Wabbit. "Primeval atoms," said Ghost Bunny. "But they don't really exist, do they?" said Lapinette. "Oh they do, they do!" moaned Ghost Bunny. "Then what do they look like?" asked the Wabbit, stamping his feet. "They're about the size of a ..." Ghost Bunny thought for a second. "Tangerine?" suggested Lapinette.

7. The Wabbit and the Manifestation

The Wabbit was hot, his brain was hot and his gun was hot. At this precise juncture, there was little about the Wabbit that was cool. The temperature rose steadily as Lapinette, Ghost Bunny and the Wabbit toured the city for the Orange Phantoms without success. But as they climbed the old stairs to the ancient monastery, they suddenly materialised. Phantoms wafted down the steps wihout so much as by your leave and the Wabbit growled under his breath. "Halt!" he shouted, but nothing happened. Nothing whatsoever. Except that the Phantoms kept coming. "Hold onto your fur!" shouted Ghost Bunny and braced herself as they marched closer and closer and passed straight through everyone. "Ooooh," said Lapinette, "that felt clammy hot." "I hate that," said Ghost Bunny. "Good grief," muttered the Wabbit. "They're not the slightest bit interested in us." "Are you upset?" laughed Lapinette. "Not at all," said the Wabbit. "No offence taken. I guess shooting them won't work then?" Ghost Bunny shook her head. "They like energy." "I could use some myself," said the Wabbit wearily. "I suppose we'd better follow them," suggested Lapinette. "How long can you follow an orange?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette smiled. "Until they run out of juice."

6. The Wabbit & the Orange Phantoms

The Wabbit relayed Skratch's information about the Orange Sun and Ghost Bunny said "I told you so." "Told me what?" The Wabbit was discourteous when he got really hot. "I told you about Planet HD 62509b." wailed Ghost Bunny. Now the Wabbit was flummoxed. "Why can't they give planets sensible names!" he shouted. "Like Luigi," offered Lapinette, who was familiar with the Wabbit's fits of annoyance. "Perhaps the Planet of Phantoms isn't good enough for you," moaned Ghost Bunny, who was also getting annoyed. "Oh sorry everyone," said the Wabbit, "I need some shade." Lapinette looked around for shade before the Wabbit became furious. "What about down there? "she suggested. Then she paused. "What's up?" asked the Wabbit. "I don't suppose these phantoms are orange?" Lapinette pointed vaguely downwards. "Of course they're orange," snapped Ghost Bunny, "what colour do you think they should be?" "Then they're already here," sighed Lapinette. The Wabbit summoned the strength to shrug. "Are they dangerous?" Ghost Bunny moaned and blanched in fright. The Wabbit didn't know ghosts could turn pale so he tried to soothe her. "Orange Phantoms," he said pithily. "At least we can 'peel 'em." "Pip-squeaks," smiled Lapinette.

5. Skratch the Cat and the Two Suns

Skratch stood on the platform at Santa Maria del Monte and watched the city as instructed. But it was so hot he switched his radio to paws-free and rested it on a wall. The radio crackled. Skratch put a paw across his eyes and purred gently without much energy. "Receiving, go ahead." "What can you see from up there?" The Wabbit's voice was terse and Skratch matched it. "Does two suns sound normal to you, Wabbit?" There was a hissing and it wasn't the radio. "Only on Kepler 2b and it 600 light years away!" The Wabbit sounded bad tempered and Skratch wanted to join him. "Well frankly, one sun looks a bit like an orange." "I don't like oranges," said the Wabbit. "I can't stand them myself," replied Skratch. The radio went silent for some time and then suddenly burst into life. "Even the radio's bad-tempered," thought Skratch.  The Wabbit's voice was hoarse. "Can you see any tangerines?" "I can see small orange things approaching the second sun," observed Skratch. "How do you know it's the second and not the first?" The Wabbit sounded exasperated. "It's got no clouds across it," groaned Skratch, "how hot is it down there?" The radio crackled again. "I saw a chicken lay an omelet."

4. The Wabbit & the Wayward Tangerine

When Ghost Bunny and the Wabbit reached Pluto Park they were broiling in the heat of the sun. Lapinette waved across the tram tracks. "Hello, hello! It's just too darn hot to mention." "We're having a heat wave," said the Wabbit and he juggled some tangerines that he's found in the street. "A tropical heat wave," added Ghost Bunny. Lapinette picked up more tangerines and threw them at the Wabbit and the Wabbit included them in his juggle. "Where did all the tangerines come from?" asked Lapinette. "They must have dropped off the back of a lorry," said the Wabbit and he threw one tangerine quite high. But the tangerine didn't drop, it kept going. "Come back!" shouted the Wabbit and he tried to grab it. But it eluded his grasp and sailed off. "You don't see that every day," said Lapinette, picking up more tangerines. "There's something fishy about this," wailed Ghost Bunny. She floated after the tangerine, observed it closely and then returned. "It's not coming back," she whispered. "I wouldn't normally care," said the Wabbit, who generally avoided citrus things. "But now I'm hot and bothered and taking things to heart." "It's not personal," said Ghost Bunny. "It's being drawn by an unknown force." "What would attract a tangerine?" mused Lapinette. One by one they looked skywards. 

3. The Wabbit and the Big Heat

The Wabbit thought little more about the planet from the Gemini Constellation, but something unsettled him and he couldn't sleep. So he went for an early walk to greet the rosy-fingered dawn. On his way he bumped into Ghost Bunny who was fluttering down Corso Francia on her way to Pluto Park. "Hauntingly hot, Wabbit," she moaned. She reached out and pulled a pair of sunglasses from the Wabbit's fur, then put them on. "I'm baking," said the Wabbit. They both looked up and the Wabbit shielded his eyes. "Did you hear about the planet from Pollux?" he ventured. Ghost Bunny looked quizzical under her glasses. "Do tell," she wailed softly. The Wabbit grinned. "A planet broke orbit and it's supposed to be headed here." Ghost Bunny blinked. "What colour planet, do you know?" "It looks like an orange," said the Wabbit. There was a silence and the Wabbit saw that Ghost Bunny was trembling. "Danger danger!" she shrieked suddenly. The Wabbit was surprised because he knew that nothing frightened Ghost Bunny with the exception of Puma. "How close is it?" asked Ghost Bunny. "Not too far," smiled the Wabbit.  "Aaaaaaaagh," shrieked Ghost Bunny. "Red alert!" The Wabbit raised an eye. "It's planet HD 62509b," she explained. "We call it the Planet of Phantoms ..."

2. The Wabbit and a Star called Pollux

There wasn't much on the Wabbit's desk except for a small disk marked "View immediately without delay." So he hopped to a small cinema in Via Nizza where he had an arrangement. The Wabbit sprawled in his seat and rustled a copy of Popular Astronomy that he had bought on a whim at the railway station. "The Milky Way!" boomed a voice, "a spiral just like the shell of the common snail." The Wabbit looked at his magazine and yawned. "Tell us something we don't know." The voice boomed again. "What you don't know is that a planet from the Gemini constellation has broken orbit and is heading this way." "It looks like an orange," snorted the Wabbit. "It looks rather like an orange," continued the voice. "And it formerly orbited the K-type star, Pollux." The Wabbit suddenly paid attention. "Castor and Pollux," he breathed. "The seamen's friends." He put down his magazine and stared at the screen. "Where's Gemini?" The voice sighed. "Where it usually is. Right ascension 07h 45m 18.94987s. Declination +28° 01′ 34.3160."  "And how far away is the object now?" hissed the Wabbit. "20 light years and closing, Commander." The Wabbit sniffed. "And how long is a bit of string?" "Twice as long as half the length," said the voice.

1. The Wabbits head Home

"Everything ship-shape?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit's jeep was perfectly safe on the Streets of New York and had even been given a wash, so he leaned back. "You drive," he said." "Then you get dinner," replied Lapinette. "Deal," said the Wabbit. "And I don't mean Menu of the Day," said Lapinette firmly. "I want a treat with tablecloths and napkins and different sized glasses." "OK," agreed the Wabbit, rummaging in his fur for lunch vouchers. Lapinette crashed the jeep into gear. "How are the others getting back?" The jeep lurched forward as the Wabbit thought for a second and counted on his paw. "Puma's on public transport. Moloch's using his 7 league boots, Wabsworth and Skratch are in Turbina the Jet Car." Lapinette frowned. "What about Robot?" The Wabbit shook his head. "He has another football match." Lapinette turned on the radio. A frantic sports commentator listed team line-ups in a nasally voice. Lapinette switched the radio off. "What are we going to do for our next adventure?" she asked. "I'm sure there's something waiting on my desk," said the Wabbit. "I feel it in my waters." Lapinette suppressed a smile. "Do you want me find out? I'll radio Ledger, back at base." "It'll keep," snapped the Wabbit quickly. Lapinette smirked. "It's 700 kilometers to Turin." "Are we there yet?" said the Wabbit.

The Adventure Caffè at Cinecittà

"Can I say it, can I say it, can I say it?" Moloch's voice boomed from the back. The Wabbit glanced at Skratch the Cat and Skratch nodded his approval. Moloch cleared his throat and spread his considerable arms. "What was that for a kind of adventure?" he yelled. Lapinette shook her ears. "It was just a story." Skratch thrust himself forward. "Just a story?" he snorted. "Stories are the life blood of ..." Skratch paused because he couldn't think what to say next. "Existence?" suggested the Wabbit. Wabsworth rapped the table for attention and addressed Lapinette. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Lapinette, than are dreamt of in your morphology." Skratch applauded. "Well put Wabsworth!" The Wabbit also rapped the table. "That was a pastiche of Cabiria, a Turin product and the best silent film ever made." "Oh was Cabiria a film?" said Moloch. "I could have sworn it was real." "That's the whole point," said Skratch, "and by the way, where are the aperitivi?" "Moloch was supposed to get them," said the Wabbit, turning. "I'm a bit short," said Moloch. "Could you lend me 50 euro until Friday?" "It is Friday," smiled Lapinette. And they all laughed and laughed and laughed.

16. The Wabbit and the Incarceration

A detail from the Wabbit's personal guard mopped up the remainder of the Agents of Rabit, while the Wabbit looked on approvingly. "This way, this way," shouted Moloch from inside the jail, He licked his lips and looked at the Wabbit. "What shall I do with the prisoners?" "Do you what you like!" scowled the Wabbit. He had fought the Agents so hard and for so long that he hardly cared. "There are rather many," said Moloch. "Just lock 'em up," said the Wabbit, "we'll decide later." "May I accompany you to your adventure caffè?" asked Moloch. "You're the guest of honour," said the Wabbit, and then he paused. "Tell me where you got the new threads, Moloch?" Moloch looked questioningly. "The garments, the schmutter," said the Wabbit. "I recall you had rather a different costume in the old days." "Oh," said Moloch smiling, "I visited an Indonesian shop in Via Garibaldi." The Wabbit raised an eyebrow. "The staff were most accommodating," continued Moloch, "and I got a rather good deal." "I'm hardly surprised," said the Wabbit with a grin. One of the Wabbit's guard saluted. "Commander Sir!" The Wabbit raised another eyebrow. "The prisoners are insisting on their rights, Sir. They want television, Sir." "The Wabbit threw back his ears and laughed. "I can't think of a better punishment!"

15.The Wabbit & the Flying Munitions

The whistling turned to a drone and the drone turned to a roar as Susan the Biplane came diving from the sky and swept the Wabbit up with a single swoop. Now she hurtled down the film set with the Agents of Rabit in hot pursuit. "Thanks Susan." said the Wabbit. "You don't have to say anything, Sir," said Susan, "you just have to whistle." The Wabbit grinned as he tucked Moloch's ring into the cockpit and started to dislodge the packages that were taped to Susan's wing. "Down a bit Susan," said the Wabbit. "Let them think we're running out of fuel." Susan's engine coughed and spluttered as she dropped sharply. Agents of Rabit scurried out of every corner and shook their fists. "Here they come," murmured the Wabbit. "Come to Daddy." An Agent tried to jump on board but failed miserably. "Rabits can't jump," sneered the Wabbit, and he started kicking. Blue packages fell like rain onto the street below and lay there. "Go Susan, go!" yelled the Wabbit. He jumped into the cockpit as Susan soared near vertically above the rooftops. "Hit it!" shouted the Wabbit. Susan's engine roared but the Wabbit could still hear the faintest of clicks from Susan's instrument panel. "Kaboom," said the Wabbit.

14. The Wabbit runs into Trouble

The Wabbit made a swift getaway but not swift enough. As he rounded a corner, he came face to face with an elite corp of the Agents of Rabit. The Agents looked at the Wabbit and they didn't look pleased. "Think you're smart, Wabbit?" said one. "Think you're clever?" said another. The Wabbit stood stock still as only he could do. "Run out of wisecracks, Wabbit?" said an Agent at the back. "I never run out of wisecracks," shrugged the Wabbit. "You've gone too far, this time" said an Agent. "Not far enough," quipped the Wabbit. The Wabbit's ears moved gently as he listened intently, because the Wabbit had a plan. But the trouble about plans as he had come to understand, was that they needed improvisation. So he started to whistle in rather a tuneless way that he knew was intensely annoying. "Give us the ring!" shouted the Agents, edging forward. For their own part they knew that the Wabbit could be tricky, so they were cautious. But the Wabbit continued to whistle. "Cease making that noise!" said the lead Agent. "What noise?" The Wabbit managed to speak and whistle at the same time. "I can't hear a thing," said the Wabbit. "It must be the wind." The Agents could feel no wind and they shook their fists, but the whistle got louder and louder and louder.

13. The Wabbit sets out his Stall

The Wabbit set out his stall carefully and started to shout. "Free valuations. We buy gold!"  A snickering echoed from the walls as the Agents of Rabit drew close. "All welcome," said the Wabbit. "Best prices paid." He gestured to his display of rings and nodded several times. He noticed that one Agent was clutching a large ring and he smiled nonchalantly. "Never knowingly oversold," he chuckled. "If you can find a higher price than mine, I'll refund you the original price plus half the difference." An Agent held a ring aloft. "This is worth more than you can ever pay!" he shouted. The Wabbit smiled again in a most irritating fashion. "How much do you think it's worth, squire?" "A kings ransom," yelled the Agent. "Kings are out of fashion," grinned the Wabbit. "Quite worthless. I'll give you a gazillion." The Agents huddled to discuss the matter, while the Wabbit pretended to smooth his fur. "We're thinking about it," said the leading Agent. "I need to examine the goods," said the Wabbit. "Pass the ring over here." The Agent approached the Wabbit's stall and the Wabbit passed his paw over the ring and uttered "Sim sala bim." "What does that mean?" said the Agent. "It means look up at the sky!" smiled the Wabbit. As the Agent looked up, the Wabbit dropped the ring into his fur and substituted another." I'm afraid your ring is fake," frowned the Wabbit.

12. The Wabbit and Android Recovery

"There he is!" shouted Lapinette. Moloch gripped Wabsworth tightly as he peered over the top of the damaged building. "How did Wabsworth survive the blast?" muttered Skratch. Moloch laughed. "He tells me he was recently retro fitted with an outer membrane of blast-proof silicone." "Now everyone will want it," sulked the Wabbit. Wabsworth hung on as the roof shook. "So much for your trick, Wabbit," cried Moloch."The Agents of Rabit still possess my ring." "There's more than one way to knit a sweater," said the Wabbit. "Oh yes Wabbit?" queried Moloch, "surely you're not spinning me a yarn." "Let's workshop it then," said Lapinette. The Wabbit rummaged in his fur and took out a hammer, saw and a piece of wood. Everyone groaned except for Moloch who howled. Wabsworth clung to the swaying parapet and called down with an angry voice. "I propose luring them across concealed pits lined with sharp spikes," "They'll never fall for that one," said Skratch. "I still go for fake rings," said the Wabbit. "They won't be expecting the same dodge." Skratch grimaced. "The Wabbit always rings twice?" "Nothing better than rings to get 'em nosing around," grinned the Wabbit.