The Adventure Caffè at Cinecittà

"Can I say it, can I say it, can I say it?" Moloch's voice boomed from the back. The Wabbit glanced at Skratch the Cat and Skratch nodded his approval. Moloch cleared his throat and spread his considerable arms. "What was that for a kind of adventure?" he yelled. Lapinette shook her ears. "It was just a story." Skratch thrust himself forward. "Just a story?" he snorted. "Stories are the life blood of ..." Skratch paused because he couldn't think what to say next. "Existence?" suggested the Wabbit. Wabsworth rapped the table for attention and addressed Lapinette. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Lapinette, than are dreamt of in your morphology." Skratch applauded. "Well put Wabsworth!" The Wabbit also rapped the table. "That was a pastiche of Cabiria, a Turin product and the best silent film ever made." "Oh was Cabiria a film?" said Moloch. "I could have sworn it was real." "That's the whole point," said Skratch, "and by the way, where are the aperitivi?" "Moloch was supposed to get them," said the Wabbit, turning. "I'm a bit short," said Moloch. "Could you lend me 50 euro until Friday?" "It is Friday," smiled Lapinette. And they all laughed and laughed and laughed.

16. The Wabbit and the Incarceration

A detail from the Wabbit's personal guard mopped up the remainder of the Agents of Rabit, while the Wabbit looked on approvingly. "This way, this way," shouted Moloch from inside the jail, He licked his lips and looked at the Wabbit. "What shall I do with the prisoners?" "Do you what you like!" scowled the Wabbit. He had fought the Agents so hard and for so long that he hardly cared. "There are rather many," said Moloch. "Just lock 'em up," said the Wabbit, "we'll decide later." "May I accompany you to your adventure caffè?" asked Moloch. "You're the guest of honour," said the Wabbit, and then he paused. "Tell me where you got the new threads, Moloch?" Moloch looked questioningly. "The garments, the schmutter," said the Wabbit. "I recall you had rather a different costume in the old days." "Oh," said Moloch smiling, "I visited an Indonesian shop in Via Garibaldi." The Wabbit raised an eyebrow. "The staff were most accommodating," continued Moloch, "and I got a rather good deal." "I'm hardly surprised," said the Wabbit with a grin. One of the Wabbit's guard saluted. "Commander Sir!" The Wabbit raised another eyebrow. "The prisoners are insisting on their rights, Sir. They want television, Sir." "The Wabbit threw back his ears and laughed. "I can't think of a better punishment!"

15.The Wabbit & the Flying Munitions

The whistling turned to a drone and the drone turned to a roar as Susan the Biplane came diving from the sky and swept the Wabbit up with a single swoop. Now she hurtled down the film set with the Agents of Rabit in hot pursuit. "Thanks Susan." said the Wabbit. "You don't have to say anything, Sir," said Susan, "you just have to whistle." The Wabbit grinned as he tucked Moloch's ring into the cockpit and started to dislodge the packages that were taped to Susan's wing. "Down a bit Susan," said the Wabbit. "Let them think we're running out of fuel." Susan's engine coughed and spluttered as she dropped sharply. Agents of Rabit scurried out of every corner and shook their fists. "Here they come," murmured the Wabbit. "Come to Daddy." An Agent tried to jump on board but failed miserably. "Rabits can't jump," sneered the Wabbit, and he started kicking. Blue packages fell like rain onto the street below and lay there. "Go Susan, go!" yelled the Wabbit. He jumped into the cockpit as Susan soared near vertically above the rooftops. "Hit it!" shouted the Wabbit. Susan's engine roared but the Wabbit could still hear the faintest of clicks from Susan's instrument panel. "Kaboom," said the Wabbit.

14. The Wabbit runs into Trouble

The Wabbit made a swift getaway but not swift enough. As he rounded a corner, he came face to face with an elite corp of the Agents of Rabit. The Agents looked at the Wabbit and they didn't look pleased. "Think you're smart, Wabbit?" said one. "Think you're clever?" said another. The Wabbit stood stock still as only he could do. "Run out of wisecracks, Wabbit?" said an Agent at the back. "I never run out of wisecracks," shrugged the Wabbit. "You've gone too far, this time" said an Agent. "Not far enough," quipped the Wabbit. The Wabbit's ears moved gently as he listened intently, because the Wabbit had a plan. But the trouble about plans as he had come to understand, was that they needed improvisation. So he started to whistle in rather a tuneless way that he knew was intensely annoying. "Give us the ring!" shouted the Agents, edging forward. For their own part they knew that the Wabbit could be tricky, so they were cautious. But the Wabbit continued to whistle. "Cease making that noise!" said the lead Agent. "What noise?" The Wabbit managed to speak and whistle at the same time. "I can't hear a thing," said the Wabbit. "It must be the wind." The Agents could feel no wind and they shook their fists, but the whistle got louder and louder and louder.

13. The Wabbit sets out his Stall

The Wabbit set out his stall carefully and started to shout. "Free valuations. We buy gold!"  A snickering echoed from the walls as the Agents of Rabit drew close. "All welcome," said the Wabbit. "Best prices paid." He gestured to his display of rings and nodded several times. He noticed that one Agent was clutching a large ring and he smiled nonchalantly. "Never knowingly oversold," he chuckled. "If you can find a higher price than mine, I'll refund you the original price plus half the difference." An Agent held a ring aloft. "This is worth more than you can ever pay!" he shouted. The Wabbit smiled again in a most irritating fashion. "How much do you think it's worth, squire?" "A kings ransom," yelled the Agent. "Kings are out of fashion," grinned the Wabbit. "Quite worthless. I'll give you a gazillion." The Agents huddled to discuss the matter, while the Wabbit pretended to smooth his fur. "We're thinking about it," said the leading Agent. "I need to examine the goods," said the Wabbit. "Pass the ring over here." The Agent approached the Wabbit's stall and the Wabbit passed his paw over the ring and uttered "Sim sala bim." "What does that mean?" said the Agent. "It means look up at the sky!" smiled the Wabbit. As the Agent looked up, the Wabbit dropped the ring into his fur and substituted another." I'm afraid your ring is fake," frowned the Wabbit.

12. The Wabbit and Android Recovery

"There he is!" shouted Lapinette. Moloch gripped Wabsworth tightly as he peered over the top of the damaged building. "How did Wabsworth survive the blast?" muttered Skratch. Moloch laughed. "He tells me he was recently retro fitted with an outer membrane of blast-proof silicone." "Now everyone will want it," sulked the Wabbit. Wabsworth hung on as the roof shook. "So much for your trick, Wabbit," cried Moloch."The Agents of Rabit still possess my ring." "There's more than one way to knit a sweater," said the Wabbit. "Oh yes Wabbit?" queried Moloch, "surely you're not spinning me a yarn." "Let's workshop it then," said Lapinette. The Wabbit rummaged in his fur and took out a hammer, saw and a piece of wood. Everyone groaned except for Moloch who howled. Wabsworth clung to the swaying parapet and called down with an angry voice. "I propose luring them across concealed pits lined with sharp spikes," "They'll never fall for that one," said Skratch. "I still go for fake rings," said the Wabbit. "They won't be expecting the same dodge." Skratch grimaced. "The Wabbit always rings twice?" "Nothing better than rings to get 'em nosing around," grinned the Wabbit.

11. The Wabbit and the Big Bang

"Look out Wabsworth." Lapinette screamed at the top of her voice but her words were drowned by a detonation and she watched helplessly as Wabsworth spiralled skyward. The Wabbit loped towards the source of the explosion but he could hardly see for dust. "Wabsworth!" he shouted and he kicked debris from right to left. "Get down Wabbit," yelled Skratch. "There might be another one." But no more explosions came and gradually the dust settled. Lapinette picked small wood splinters from her fur and cursed silently. Skratch gripped his automatic fiercely and looked desperately for something to shoot. The Wabbit glanced all around but of Wabsworth there was not the slightest sign. He sniffed the air and twitched his nose and sniffed again. "Curious," he muttered. "He can't just disappear into thin air." Lapinette coughed and blew dust from her nose. "The air's not so thin, Wabbit," grimaced Skratch as tears streamed down his face and matted his fur. Acrid fumes drifted across the insubstantial buildings and they all rubbed their eyes. Suddenly the air cleared and the Wabbit thought he heard a rustling sound. "I'm sure I heard something," said Lapinette. "So did I," said Skratch. Then they all looked up. 

10. The Wabbit buys Gold

The team moved quietly through Suburra, the ancient Roman slums. Lapinette led the search for the jewellery store, because she was an expert in goldology. The Wabbit bounced on his legs and pointed his pistol in all directions. "This isn't Starsky and Hutch, Wabbit," meaowed Skratch as he covered the rear with a steady paw. Out on the open street, Wabsworth strolled nonchalantly towards a brightly light shop. "Ah! Compro Oro, just what I've been looking for!" he said loudly and he fumbled conspicuously in his fur for a fake ring. "I hate these pawn shop places," whispered Lapinette. The Wabbit heard the snick of a safety catch and he grinned broadly. "They're full of dodgy things. What do you say Skratch?" "I never used them," said Skratch who had been a cat burglar. "I preferred professionals." Wabsworth hoped closer to the entrance and raised his voice. "A whole window of shiny shiny things, how lovely." Lapinette twitched her super ears at a faint snickering. "They're behind the paper-thin walls." "We nailed them," said the Wabbit. "They're just begging for it." "Begging for what?" asked Skratch. "The old switcheroo," replied the Wabbit. "Just the thing for the New Year," laughed Lapinette. "I'd quite forgotten what day it was," said the Wabbit, "what with all the excitement." There was clang from the shop shutters and the Wabbit bared his 28 teeth. "Let's roll 'em."

9. The Wabbit gets to Cinecittà.

"That's torn it!" Wabsworth and Skratch jumped because the Wabbit had crept up behind them. "Sorry folks," murmured the Wabbit. "He moves fast, that Moloch god." Wabsworth pointed. "Are these seven league boots?" "That's only in fairy tales," said Skratch. "It's a fictional enormity." They put their paws over their ears as Moloch crashed a foot and gave a mighty cry that echoed across the backlot. The thin walls of the film sets shook and rattled. "Where is the Ring of Fulvius?" he roared. "Give - me - back - my - Ring!" They could only watch as Moloch stamped up and down and howled. Wabsworth nudged Skratch. "Can you see the Agents of Rabit?" Skratch narrowed his eyes. "Up there on the archway?" "Arco di Traiano," said the Wabbit archly. "All is artifice, Wabbit" remarked Skratch, "did you bring the Snazer guns?" "They're in the jeep," said the Wabbit. "I parked it over on the streets of New York." "I hope its still there," smiled Wabsworth. "So many gangs." The Wabbit grinned and waved a paw. "Let Moloch distract the Agents and we'll sneak round the back." "I wonder what happened to his ring?" mused Skratch. The Wabbit thought. "Now where would Agents hide it?" "A finger?" said Wabsworth. "Maybe," said the Wabbit, looking at a paw. Skratch's eyes glinted and he purred softly. "A jewellry shop!"

8. Wabsworth draws out the Agents

Skratch the Cat spoke into his walkie-talkie a hushed meaow. "The Agents are here Commander!" The radio crackled gently. "Yes, Wabsworth is just hopping discreetly, as you asked." The radio crackled again. "He has his paw in his fur, just as you said. Yes yes." Skratch waited then nodded frantically. "Of course they saw him, you can't miss him." There was a very long crackle from the radio. "OK we'll go in now." The radio whined slightly and Skratch tightened his paw grip on the rado and spoke tersely. "I know we don't need tickets, Wabbit. You have a prior arrangement. Out."  Skratched sighed a long sigh and whispered to Wabsworth. "Just wait nonchalently for a second and then turn back and join me. We're going in." "I'm looking for my pass," murmured Wabsworth. Skratch sighed. "There's a prior arrangement." "We're undercover, we need to look authentically authentic," sulked Wabsworth. "You're talking like the Wabbit," grunted Skratch. "I'm an android copy I can't help it," said Wabsworth simply and he turned and hopped into the entrance with Skratch. "Did you know what Marcello Mastroianni said?" purred Skratch in a voice that he reserved for cinema talk. "I expect you're going to tell me," said Wabsworth. "Cinecittà is a symbolic and beautiful fortress. Outside is Hell!" "Better hop in then," said Wabsworth.

7. Puma searches for Agents of Rabit

The Wabbit had given precise instructions. Now Puma and Terni searched the streets for the lair of the Agents of Rabit in a specific circular search pattern. Puma never had any trouble on the streets and usually they would empty in front of him. When anyone saw him, they assumed he had escaped from a collection of exotic creatures and if he encountered any difficulty he dispelled it with a mighty growl that shook windows. Terni the Food Dragon was regarded a little like the Loch Ness Monster and was good for tourism. People did not speak of sightings since they were disbelieved and indefinitely detained. "We're getting close, Terni," growled Puma, "can you see anything?" "I thought I spotted some waving ears," shouted Terni, "but they were dodgy Christmas decorations." "I can smell Agents," snarled Puma. "What do we do if we bump into them?" asked Terni. "Rend them limb from limb?" Puma snarled as he loped. "Leave that to the Wabbit, he has his own methods!" Terni snickered and swooped but Puma glanced to the left and spotted graffiti on the wall. He screeched to a halt. "They've been here Terni. Go and tell the Commander." "I'll be back in a trice," said Terni. "What is a trice?" asked Puma. "It's rather more than fast," replied Terni. He looped then flew vertically to the sky and vanished. "Very tricey," growled Puma.

6. The Wabbit and the Moloch Briefing

The Wabbits were marginally faster than Moloch. With lightning speed. they dived inside the abandoned restaurant and Lapinette released Robot. Moloch stopped outside and howled loudly, then peered through the window. "Oh it's you, Wabbit." "Moloch we meet again," said the Wabbit. "And I can't recall who owes who." " Wabbit there's no need for weaponry," said Moloch. "Just tell me where they are and you can all go." "Who are they?" asked the Wabbit. "The army of the ears," said Moloch, "they swindled me." The Wabbit raised an eye, hunched and swung his snazer rifle." "They took a ring entrusted to me by Fulvius. It has magical powers," continued Moloch. The Wabbit glanced at Lapinette, who knew all about rings. Lapinette nodded and explained. "The ring was given to the spy Fulvius by Croessa, Cabiria's nurse." Moloch grunted. "With the ring they can rule the known world." "Why take Robot?" asked the Wabbit. "He knows little about rings." "He knows about the army of the ears," said Moloch. Robot's gears whined. "Is this about the Lupi?" "It's not about Roma Football Club," smiled Lapinette. The Wabbit scowled. "It's about the Agents of Rabit." "Do you have a plan?" asked Lapinette. "I do," said the Wabbit. Moloch sighed. "You know where they are?" The Wabbit bared all of his 28 teeth. "I know a lot of things."

5. The Wabbit & Moloch on the Beach

The Wabbit stood on the back of the the jeep and looked through his field binoculars. "There he is! There's Robot. " Lapinette squinted her eyes in the sun. "What does it say on his monitor?" "It says Help!" said the Wabbit with a wry grin. "Robot's always to the point," murmured Lapinette and she strained her super ears. "I can hear Moloch muttering." The Wabbit waited silently. He could hear something too but no words, so he kept quiet. "OK," said Lapinette finally. "He says he's the spectre of genius and he won't stand for interference." "Who by?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette's eyes narrowed to a single point. "The ghastly agents who's ears are armies." The Wabbit lowered his binoculars. "The Agents of Rabit! They've been much too quiet." Lapinette's ears quivered. "What on earth did they do to annoy Moloch?" The Wabbit lifted his binoculars. "Now he's turning!" "And he's waving his arms," said Lapinette. "Now he's spotted us," said the Wabbit, "and he's coming over here." "Oh, what to do?" asked Lapinette casually. "Get in his way?" suggested the Wabbit and he shrugged. Lapinette's ears flapped in a sudden wind. "Waaaaaaaaaabits!" yelled Moloch.

4. The Wabbit gives Christmas Orders

"All right everyone, look alive!" shouted the Wabbit and he made a circular motion with his paw. Lapinette spoke fiercely into her walkie talkie to Terni the Dragon. "Do you have visual?" The radio crackled. "Moloch is heading down the coast." Lapinette’s voice was brisk. "Follow him and locate Robot. Advise but do not extract." The Wabbit issued orders. "Snail, block the road to the south at Fiumicino." He looked across at Turbina the Jet Car. "Wabsworth and Skratch. Stay in contact with Terni and rendezvous at Control Point Carrot." He looked all around with narrowed eyes. "Where’s Puma?" "Just arrived at Rome Termini." replied Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded. "Tell him to change to the train for Maccarese. We’ll pick him up." Wabsworth revved Turbina’s enigine and Snail wiggled his antennae. Lapinette nudged the Wabbit. "There’s more to this Moloch business than a kidnapping." "And the rest!" said the Wabbit, "so let’s proceed cautiously. We’ll isolate Moloch and interrogate him."  "Remember, he’s a bit of a vengeful God," said Lapinette. The Wabbit stiffened. "I eat vengeful Gods for breakfast." "That explains your indigestion," smiled Lapinette and she crashed her jeep into gear and shot off down Via di Porta Angelica. 

3.The Wabbit and the coming of Moloch

Before they saw anything, the team heard the crashing of boulders and a bellowing that made the rooftops shake. Then he came down the path, his mighty feet thumping the bare earth. "It’s Moloch!" said the Wabbit. "But he’s got new clothes." "I thought he gave up the sacrifice business," whispered Lapinette. "Maybe it was too much of a sacrifice," commented Wabsworth. The Wabbit groaned and Lapinette joined him while Moloch continued to stomp down the hill. But he was so busy kicking things that he didn’t spot anyone. The team strained their ears to make sense of the bellowing. "I’ll get them," said Moloch, "I’ll make them pay for meddling with Moloch the Great One." The Wabbit and Lapinette put their heads together. "Who’s them?" they whispered. "Quiet," said Wabsworth, "he’s talking again." "What sphinx of cement and aluminum bashed open their skulls and ate up their brains?" howled Moloch. "Their skulls?” muttered the Wabbit, "he used to have a better line in jokes." "Another sacrifice?” suggested Wabsworth. "I just heard him say Robot!" murmured Lapinette, who had the best ears. The Wabbit recoiled suddenly and spoke too loudly. "Moloch must be holding Robot." Moloch screeched. "Even the rough streets speak!" and he stamped on. "We’d better follow him," said the Wabbit. "Well it shouldn’t be hard," said Wabsworth.
["What sphinx of cement ... ate up their brains?" from Howl by Allen Ginsberg]