4. The Wabbit & the Giant Drink

The Wabbit, Wabsworth and Skratch the cat hopped on the hop-on hop-off bus and acting on advice from a secret source, waited patiently for it to reach Palazzo Madama. Wabsworth insisted on paying for three tickets even though the Wabbit had a pefectly amicable arrangment with the driver. The Wabbit shook his head sadly. "That will do for 24 hours," explained Wabsworth. "We might need more time." "You might be right." Skratch pointed to the street. "Just look at that!" The Wabbit gazed in amazement as a giant can of his favourite drink materialised in the street. "It's crystallised," said Wabsworth. "Maybe someone left it too long in a freezer." The bus stopped for quite a while because traffic had come to a standstill. "Shall we get off?" asked Skratch. "No," said the Wabbit. "I think there's more to come." A whirring sound came from Wabsworth and the Wabbit looked round. "It's my positronic memory," said Wabsworth. "It's reminding me it's time for a snack." "But you're an android," puzzled Skratch. "That doesn't mean I don't get hungry," said Wabsworth, "so what shall we have to drink?" "Let's hop off and have an aperitivo," suggested the Wabbit. "Don't these buses have bars?" asked Skratch.

3. Skratch foregrounds the Signifier

Acting on information received, the Wabbit and his android double, Wabsworth, hurried to Via Pianezza to meet Skratch. "Skratch!" shouted the Wabbit. "What's with the sign?" Skratch looked very relieved, but smiled all the same. "Wabbit, you know perfectly well that a sign doesn't really exist. It is merely a concept." "It looks like quite a heavy concept," said Wabsworth. Skratch winked at Wabsworth. "It appeared from nowhere," he said. "It materialised?" suggested the Wabbit. "No," said Skratch, shaking his head. "It kind of swam into focus." The Wabbit and Wabsworth looked at each other, then Wabsworth turned to Skratch. "Things have been disappearing," he explained, "and they lose focus first." They thought in silence for a while, but the Wabbit was the first to speak. "Objects are disappearing," he said raising a paw.  Everyone nodded. "And objects are appearing," he added, raising another paw. Everyone nodded. The Wabbit spread his paws wide. "But they are not the same objects!" "That's obvious, Wabbit," purred Skratch. Now Wabsworth looked at Skratch. "What are you doing with the signifier?" "Taking it back to Cine Spezia in Via Nizza," said Skratch. "That's an adult cinema," exclaimed the Wabbit. "Is it?" said Skratch. "I thought it was experimental."

2. The Wabbit and the Vanishing Objects

The Wabbit met his android double, Wabsworth, at the Palace to discuss the question of the disappearing objects - but things were already out of control. "Thank goodness you're here Wabbit!" yelled Wabsworth. "I've been trying to keep things from vanishing by standing on them, but I just end up on the floor." The Wabbit watched a piece of mosaic go out of focus and tried to grab it, but it floated into the air, became transparent and disappeared. "We have to be more organised," said Wabsworth, "or the whole city will dispppear and us with it." "What!" shouted the Wabbit. "Have any of our friends vanished?" "Not yet," replied Wabsworth. "But Lapinette's lost her whole wardrobe." The Wabbit cringed. "I'll bet she's hopping mad, Anything else?" "Wabsworth lurched down from a rapidly fading artefact and stared at the Wabbit. "She said your secret stash of Irn Bru lemonade had gone." The Wabbit turned pale. "This means war!" he shouted. He shook a paw at the ceiling and paced the length of the room. "The laws of physics say these things will show up somewhere." he decided. "What kind of somewhere?" asked Wabsworth. "The middle of somewhere," said the Wabbit.

1. The Wabbit visits his Desk

The Wabbit paid a visit to his desk, a fairly unusual occurrence because the Wabbit hated paperwork. It was littered with the remains of an old project and everything seemed to be as he left it. The Wabbit rummaged a bit. "It's not precisely as I left it," he murmured to himself. Now Lapinette had put assignment instructions somewhere, but she usually used email. So the Wabbit tipped and tapped and there it was - in his inbox, labelled "Alice, Bob and Eve" which was their secret code for secret messages. The Wabbit left it where it was for a moment and scanned the desk again. "I'm sure I left a something here and now it's gone." The Wabbit knew the removal of an object was unlikely since the facility was top secure and the cleaners never came near his desk, fearing booby traps. "Perhaps the something got inside something else," thought the Wabbit. He flicked through a few books, then pressed a series of keys for double layer decryption and opened his mail.

To: Commander Wabbit: From: Wabbit Command. Reference: Disappearing things. Message: Things have been going out of focus and disappearing. Please rectify. 

The Wabbit looked at the mail and as he thought about the problem, the message went out of focus, then disappeared ...

The Wabbit in the Adventure Caffè

The Wabbit found Lapinette and Skratch the Cat at the Fiat Caffè in Lingotto. He was right on time because the bread had arrived. So he slid into a seat and clutched his bread possessively. "Hello Wabbit!" Skratch had just had his fur trimmed and he studied himself in the mirror. "Do you like my new Runaway Train t-shirt? I couldn't find anything about a tram." "I do like that movie," said the Wabbit. "But life isn't like a film." "Good thing too," said Skratch, "it would be an incredibly long movie and no-one would watch." Now the Wabbit smiled. "Not even if Andy Warhol made it?" Skratch made a long snoring noise then flinched from the withering glance of Lapinette. Now the Wabbit leaned forward and spoke to Lapinette. "Anything on the wire?" he asked. "What wire?" asked Lapinette innocently. "You know," said the Wabbit, "anything in the offing? What transpires?" Lapinette pretended to look puzzled, so the Wabbit addressed Skratch. "What's going down?" he muttered. Skratch grinned at the mirror. "You gotta chill. So take it easy. Put up your paws." But the Wabbit's paws were itching for another adventure. "I need a new assignment," he shrugged. "Details are on your desk," smiled Lapinette.

8. The Wabbit and the End of the Line

The Wabbit dropped the Reggae creatures at the dance hall in Via Nizza and drove Nine, the Number Nine Tram into Porta Nuova station where it squeezed beside a Big Red Train. Now Nine looked massive and railway passengers looked confused. The Wabbit paid no attention and hopped off. "Goodbye Nine and thanks," he cried. "I learned a lot!" Now he hopped his way along the platform, wondering what to do next. The Wabbit was disappointed that his tram ride was over and he made a face. He was about to encounter what he most disliked - between adventures ennui. He hated the lull that came with any kind of interim. "You can't always be having exciting adventures," he told himself. Suddenly he heard the hissing of compressed air and the clang of a bell, so he turned. "Life is an adventure," Commander Wabbit," shouted Nine. "There's something new around every corner!" The Wabbit grinned and thought of his friends. "Probably they're waiting for me at the Adventure Caffè," he thought. "I've such a lot to tell them." "Commander!" shouted Nine. The Wabbit turned again and Nine let off a hiss of compressed air. "You need a ticket the next time!"

7. The Wabbit and the Big Splash

The Wabbit knew one thing - he had to be his normal self. So he hit the control handle a brutal swipe and Nine the Tram took off at speed. With a hissing of air and clanging of bells, the grey tunnel turned blue-green. Now the Wabbit gazed up through limpid water to an eerie light. "Secure ventilation!" shouted the Wabbit. "and shut the bulkhead flappers!" "I'm a tram, not a submarine," yelled Nine. There was an enormous splash as Nine broke through the surface and shot into the air. "I-ree!" cried the creatures in the back of the tram and one leaned forward and spoke to the Wabbit. "Fra wha pawt yuh deh? Me hear dem say yuh frah Africa?" The Wabbit groped in his fur for his universal translator. "Mi no dryland tourist," he said simply. "I fass and facety?" shrugged the creature. The Wabbit smiled and quivered his ears. "Just kidding," said the creature, taking a seat. There was a shudder and a whoosh as Nine shook off water like a big dog. "You know you're stuck with them now," he whispered. "Why is that?" asked the Wabbit. "They think you're Cunie, the African Rabbit God." "Cunie," mused the Wabbit. "I've been called worse."

Irie/I-ree A cry of delight.
Fra wha pawt yuh deh?: Where are you from? 
Mi no dryland tourist.: I've travelled beyond my home country. 
Fah and facety: Too inquisitive

6. The Wabbit welcomes them In

The Wabbit made a spur of the moment decision. "Zion tram is coming our way," he sang and he made a sign to Nine the Number Nine Tram. There was a hiss of compressed air and the tram doors folded closed. "The Zion Tram is coming your way, get on board," he shouted to the creatures. "Oh get on board! You better get on board!" One by one the creatures boarded the tram and took their seats and waited. "You got to catch a tram," sang the Wabbit, "because there is no other station." "Then we going in the same direction," sang the creatures. "Ooh ooh!" sang the Wabbit. Nine the Tram took that as his signal and folded his doors, then with an imperceptible shudder, he started to move. "A wa do dem? A wa do dem dem dem?" sang the Wabbit. "A we nuh know - a we nuh know," scatted the creatures. Nine the Tram began to glide through the Late Tunnel like a merchant ship leaving port - and as he gained momentum he gently intoned a Reggae dub. "This Tram," said one creature. "has come to take us home," said another.  "Don't worry about a thing, oh no!" said the Wabbit kindly and he made for the driver's cabin. "'cause every little thing gonna be all right."

5. The Wabbit Talks the Talk

The creatures wanted a confidential discussion so the Wabbit went to the rear of the Number Nine Tram. They spoke and the Wabbit listened attentively. "What are they saying Wabbit?" asked Nine impatiently. "Just a second," said the Wabbit. Then he held up a paw and nodded his head vigorously. "All right Nine, I have it."  Nine, the Tram waited patiently. "In order for them to continue offering the Late Tunnel service, they would like some quid pro quo." stated the Wabbit. "And what exactly is this quid that I should quo?" said Nine. "While you're down here," said the Wabbit, "the creatures would like entertainment." There was a long silence. "They feel it's only fair," added the Wabbit. "What kind of entertainment?" queried Nine. "They like music," said the Wabbit, "can you sing?" "The Number Nine Tram laughed and burst into a blues. "Hey Mr. Judge, your trams are coming down the line. The cargo ain't too much if you can chase the friends of mine." The Wabbit threw back his head. "I heard they smuggle in the goods, along the western union line." He bent down to the creatures and talked for a long time. "What did they say?" asked Nine. "They prefer Reggae," said the Wabbit. "Zion Tram!" said Nine.

4. The Wabbit and the Tunnel Creatures

The Wabbit hopped down from the driver's seat. "Open the door, Nine," he said firmly. "We never open doors in the Late Tunnel," protested Nine. "There's a first time for everything," said the Wabbit in an irritating manner he had learned from his grandmother. "On your head be it!"" said Nine. "Don't come hopping to me when it all goes wrong." There was a hiss of compressed air and the doors folded open. The Wabbit slung a paw round a rail, leaned out and peered down. "Ah" he said screwing up his eyes. "Um," said the Wabbit peering further. "Ah," he said again. "Oh please Commander," sighed Nine. "May we dispense with the interjections. What can you see?" "I recognise your creatures," said the Wabbit, much as if he saw them every day at the supermarket. "Enlighten me," said Nine. "They're equations," said the Wabbit. "They make your neat little late system work." "Let's just leave them be," said Nine with a hiss of compressed air. "Let's close the doors and be on our way." Nine's motor started to whine. "Hang on Nine," said the Wabbit. "They seem to want something." He bent a little nearer and murmured something in algebra. There was sqeaking sound and a sharp click. "They'd like more in their wave packets," said the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Grey Zone

The Wabbit was fascinated with red buttons and never failed to press them, usually with unexpected and occasionally unfortunate results. Now he stared from the driver's cabin at a sea of grey and no matter what he did with the control handle, the tram floated gently through grey space. "What the Binky?" muttered the Wabbit. The voice of Nine, the Number Nine Tram sounded spooky in the void. "You pressed the red button and I'm afraid we're in the Late Tunnel." The Wabbit breathed in and out to become mindful of his breath. But he had never got the hang of it and was only mindful of grey. "What on earth is the Late Tunnel?" he sighed. "The Late Tunnel," said Nine, "is an emergency zone where we can go if we are irremediably late." "To hide from an inspector?" asked the Wabbit. "No, to make up time," said Nine. "We reappear at a distant fare stage as if we hadn't been late in the first place." The Wabbit thought of his city travels for a minute. "That explains quite a lot," he said. "How long will we be here?" "Oh, there's no time in here," said Nine. "Just relax." "I suppose it could be enjoyable," said the Wabbit, counting his breaths. "Oh it is," said Nine, "except for the Creatures."

2. The Wabbit takes Over

The Wabbit jumped into the tram driver's seat and slammed shut the cabin door. "OK Nine, I'm in charge so I'm going to check everything is in place." Compressed air hissed and the passenger doors closed. The Wabbit nodded approvingly. "Do you have a vigilance control system and logic speed control?" he asked. "Yes," said Nine. "Where?" said the Wabbit. "There," said Nine. The Wabbit noticed they were switched off, so he leaned forward and switched them on again. Then, after a brief thought, he stretched out a paw and flicked them back off. "Do you have plenty of braking sand in your reservoir?" he asked. "I do," said Nine. "Pantograph?" said the Wabbit. "Foot pedal," said Nine with a hiss of compressed air. "Dead Rabbits Handle? asked the Wabbit. "Not necessary," laughed Nine. "And remind me Nine," grinned the Wabbit, "of who exactly is in control of the Tram?" "My driver is Commander Wabbit of the Department of Wabbit Affairs," said Nine. "Tell me one more thing Nine," said the Wabbit. A silence fell, only to be broken by another hiss of compressed air. The Wabbit pointed at a cluster of instruments. "Precisely what," asked the Wabbit, "does that red button do?"

1. The Wabbit - the Reluctant Passenger

The Wabbit found himself back in the Number Nine Tram, which seemed to be heading along its normal route to Corso Massimo D'Azeglio. He was thinking things over and the rattle of rails and hum of nearby traffic became so hypnotic that he was all but lost in reverie. Suddenly the tram braked harshly and the Wabbit nearly fell off his seat. "That's enough thinking," shouted the Wabbit to empty air. His words bounced round metal and wood and returned to stare him in the face. "OK, that's it!" he said. "Passenger no more!" and he hopped up from his seat and made for the driver's cabin. Tram Number 9 increased speed and tore round the corner from Via Madama Cristina. The Wabbit grabbed a paw rail and screamed at the top of his voice. "I'm taking over, Nine." There was no reply. "This cost me all my lunch vouchers and I'm going to drive," yelled the Wabbit. Nine the Number Nine Tram switched points and coasted onto Corso Massimo. "I've lots more to show you," he said, with a hiss of compressed air. "Yes, but I'm in charge," said the Wabbit and he advanced menacingly on the cabin door. "Don't you like being a passenger?" asked Nine. "It never sat well with me," grimaced the Wabbit.

9. Wabbit & the Cat who knew about Time

The Wabbit looked in awe. "Maya!" he exclaimed. Attended by Unut, his old friend was changing rapidly. Maya was the Cat who knew about Time and over the years she had proved a source of great strength to the Wabbit. "What's happening Maya?" he asked.  "I ran out of Time, so I must transform," miaowed Maya. She reached out and touched the peak of the pyramid and Unut laid a paw on her leg. Maya's paw grew enormous and glowed in the darkness. Unut the Rabbit Goddess spoke. "Maya is to be a Goddess and she will join us here in the dark basement," she said softly. The Wabbit looked across at Lapinette and saw her eyes were moist. "How will we know about Time now?" he said. "Time is the father of truth - but its mother is our mind," said Maya. "You may visit me here with the other Goddesses - if you have the time."  The Wabbit trembled and didn't know what to say, so he thought hard. And as he thought he suddenly saw Maya as a Sphynx Goddess with colossal paws. "Anything you need for the afterlife, Goddess?" he asked. The Sphynx Goddess spoke. "Vanilla yoghurt," she said, "and Wudy's turkey sausages."

8. The Wabbit and the Emergency Stop

Nine the Number Nine Tram vanished back into the tunnel and emerged somewhere the Wabbit vaguely knew. And there was Skratch the Cat looking urgent and Unut the Rabbit Goddess too. The Wabbit squinted at Skratch. "Look Skratch I'm on a Tram journey," he said. "What's the deal?" "An emergency stop overrides the itinerary," interrupted Nine. "What kind of emergency?" asked the Wabbit. Skratch looked up at him. "This is the trade entrance of the Egyptian Museum," he explained. The Wabbit felt that Skratch was unusually flustered. "I'm aware of where we are, Skratch," he answered softly. "Well, Unut is waiting for you, and she can't keep the door open long." The Wabbit paused. "You have to go," urged Skratch. The Wabbit felt like shrugging but his shrug stayed in his shoulders and he slowly put a foot out of the tram. "Come on Commander!" shouted Unut. The Wabbit stopped. "When I visit, I usually go in the front entrance," he thought. "Will you please stop thinking and do as you're told?" yelled Unut. The Wabbit wasn't predisposed to doing what he was told, but Unut was a Goddess and he usually made an exception. "OK," he said and he jumped down. "Hop this way," said Unut. "Hop like an Egyptian," murmured the Wabbit.