9. The Wabbit & the Rapper Maneuver

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The Wabbit made a signal and everyone in the team moved around the Keeper, taking up position at the back. The Wabbit was about to use the Rapper's Manoeuvre - which sometimes worked. It was simple move in which he would engage in discussion with the Keeper. Whatever the Wabbit said, the rest of his team would vociferously agree with him. As they set up a jerky beat, the Wabbit drew close to the Keeper and rapped - "Who are these grim and scurvy knaves, who keep you cruelly enslaved?" "Enslave is grave! Enslave is grave!" chorused the team. "So hit them with an architrave," shouted Skratch. The Wabbit sighed deeply but the Keeper was hooked and said. "They are giant grey rabbits all, scraggy as the ghastliest troll". Suddenly all was clear to the Wabbit. "Sounds like the awful Agents of Rabit. We don't like their painful habits," he rapped. "They're both baneful and disdainful," yelled Puma. "Our association's been ungainful," shouted Lapinette. Then the Wabbit hunched in to the Keeper. "Let's find a way to work together." "With a cunning plan that's more than clever," sang Skratch. "Carried out with vim and vigour," chanted Puma. The Keeper looked astonished. "Everyone agrees!" he said. "That's the concept," smiled the Wabbit.

8.The Wabbit & the Keeper of the Keys

Enough light beamed from the dimmed windows to allow the gang to see. "You're all most welcome,"  said a most solemn voice. "I'm so glad my key got you here."  Lapinette pushed the Wabbit towards the centre of the room. "You speak to it!" she hissed. "Why me?" said the Wabbit, "it's always me." "Yes, people speak to you - all the time," murmured Lapinette. "That's right Wabbit," agreed Skratch the Cat. "You have a general rapport that gets you invited in." Puma offered a smile of satisfaction. "Statues, goddesses, trains. planes. Anyone and everything speaks with the Wabbit." So the Wabbit shrugged and hopped into the centre of the room, facing one of the oddest creatures he had ever seen. "I am the Keeper of the Keys," said the creature. The Wabbit hadn't a clue what to say. "Good for you!" he announced and thought hard. "What's that like?" he added. "Dreary," said the Keeper. "I am condemned to live here, due to my obsession with keys." "Forever?" asked Lapinette. "Sometimes I am allowed out to open very, very big doors." said the Keeper. "Then you have to return?" asked Skratch. "I'm no longer very sure," said the Keeper. The Wabbit felt annoyed and stamped his foot. "Then you've come to the right rabbit," he said. "I know," said the Keeper. "My key found you."

7. The Wabbit and the Secret Room

The Wabbit and Lapinette swept through the doors that opened before them - and Skratch and Puma jumped through behind them. Suddenly all was darkness and they stood motionless in the still air. Puma had the best eyes and so he was the first to see anything. "It's one big empty place," he murmured. Skratch blinked his way to vision, followed by Lovely Lapinette. Finally the Wabbit spoke. "It's one big empty place," he gasped. "And it has an echo," said Lapinette, digging the Wabbit in the ribs. "There's only the four of us here as far as I can see," said Puma quietly. "So why are we here?" wondered Lapinette. "And where's that key? asked the Wabbit. But of the giant key there was nothing to be seen and Puma glanced back and forward looking for it. "Skratch, you said there were three keys," he purred. "First I heard of it!" scoffed the Wabbit. Skratch assumed his lecturing position, "There were three doorways," he explained, "and that meant there had to be three keys." Lapinette' eyes gave a twitch of understanding and she nudged the Wabbit. "We were the other two keys," she said. "I'm not a key," said the Wabbit. Skratch was just going to joke about making a keynote speech when they heard a solemn voice echo from the walls. "So pleased you could all come." it said.

6.The Wabbit and the Number of Keys

The key lifted out of the staircase, flew high above the rooftops surrounding the Old Basilica and gently swivelled. Skratch the Cat watched, flexed his paws and got ready to move as the Wabbit and Lapinette separated from the key. Puma observed them carefully as they proceeded towards three separate doorways and then he roared to Skratch. "You said stories had three keys, not doors," "Stories are far from a precise science," said Skratch calmly, rapidly unsheathing his claws. With a machine gun rattle, they made a burst of noise that awakened Lapinette and the Wabbit from their trance. "Whoooah!" yelled the Wabbit. "Ooooh!" shouted Lapinette. "What's going on?" yelled the Wabbit. "Get me down!" shouted Lapinette. Skratch lifted a reassuring paw. "Just keep going and whatever you do, don't think about being in the air." Skratch paused as the two sailed towards the doorways - and remembering the key, assessed it with suspicion. He paused for thought, then suddenly made a victory sign and shouted to Puma. "There are three keys!" "I only see one key," said Puma gravely. Skratch laughed. "Listen up Puma! When they get to the doorways, jump!" Puma looked questioningly. "You known how to jump, don't you?" said Skratch.

5. The Wabbit on the Spiral Staircase

Puma watched Lapinette and the Wabbit until the key pulled them up the centre of a spiral staircase, then he bounded upstairs at unstoppable speed. The key started to change colour but its every movement was measured. It cared neither for the Wabbit nor Lapinette but only for its inexorable and pre-determined path. Stuck to the key, the two were helplessly towed in its wake. Suddenly there was a feline scurrying from above and Skratch the Cat appeared from the roof. Somewhat dishevelled and panting from his journey, he looked with horror at the scene. "Puma?" he asked. "They’re stuck to the key and they don’t seem to care," growled Puma. "It’s not like them at all." Skratch’s ears vibrated. "The key is exerting some strange force," he said. "I can feel it too." Puma looked across at Skratch for direction. "We’ll scamper to the top and wait there," said Skratch. "That’s where it’s going." "Maybe there’s a door," said Puma. "If we can find it, we can stand in front of it and stop them." "That key isn’t stopping for anything," said Skratch, "and there’s one more problem." "Another problem?" groaned Puma. "In stories, there’s seldom just one key," purred Skratch. Puma growled again. "How many?" Skratch shook his head. "Three!" he sighed.

4, The Wabbit & the Roar of the Puma

 

The now enormous key dragged the Wabbit and Lapinette up the steps to the Old Basilica and the end glowed even brighter. Puma loped ahead on a detour and suddenly emerged in front of them. "This isn’t going well!" he hissed, "shall I get some assistance?" Both the Wabbit and Lapinette shook their heads. "No, no." said the Wabbit, "we can handle this, can’t we Lapinette?" "Of course we can," said Lapinette quietly. "Who better at key handling than us?" Puma looked at them with a worried face. "They might be embarrassed," thought Puma, "but I can’t let this go on. I’m going to get help anyway." Puma let out an enormous roar that shook the branches and made the Wabbit’s fur stand up sharply. "What was that for, Puma?" asked the Wabbit. "It’s my key handling roar," lied Puma and he did it again. The Wabbit shrugged and continued to follow the key helplessly. But far across the city outside a small repertory cinema, Skratch the Cat pricked up his ears. "Puma needs help," he said to himself and he listened attentively. "Yes there it is!” he purred and he started to trot quickly. But Skratch heard another sound that was somewhere between a scream and a shriek. His trot gave way to a lope and the lope to a bound. Soon he was on the edge of the city and heading up the hillside. 

3. The Wabbit and the Fatal Attraction

The key pulled the Wabbit all the way to the funicular railway and as it proceeded down the platform it began to glow slightly at the end. The Wabbit’s paws were glued to the key by a strange magnetic force and he could only hop along with it. But just as he got to the front of the train, Lovely Lapinette got off. "Oh, hello Wabbit, I wasn’t expecting you!" Then she stopped and stared. "What’s with the gigantic glowing key, Wabbit?” The Wabbit shrugged. "Is this one of your tricks?" she sighed. "No trick," said the Wabbit brightly. "He’s got himself stuck to the key," purred Puma, "and it’s taking him somewhere." The Wabbit’s paws were getting tired and again he tried to pull them from the key but to no avail. The Wabbit gave a wry smile. "We’ll find out in due course," he said with optimism. "Shall I try to pull it off?" said Lapinette, hopping down from the step. She stretched forward and held out a helpful paw. "No!" cried the Wabbit and Puma at one and the same time. Lapinette had only stretched in the direction of the key, but some irresistible force gripped her and propelled her forward. "Grrrr!" said Lapinette, shaking a paw that was now stuck fast to the key. "Too late," growled Puma. 

2. The Wabbit gets Pulled

The rusty old key became larger and larger - and as it grew the magnetic force increased. It was completely stuck to the Wabbit and he had no choice but to let it pull him along. The key took him onto the hillside and he hopped quietly behind it because he knew the path quite well. He was thinking about how to detach from the key and had come up with several unworkable ideas when he was interrupted by a recognisable voice from behind. "Hello Wabbit!" The Wabbit hadn't bargained on hopping into anyone he knew and he felt slightly embarrassed about explaining. He wasn't really able to look back because all his efforts were concentrated on the key. "Hello Puma," he said, without turning. "What's happening Wabbit?" answered Puma. "Oh just some small key business," said the Wabbit and he kept going because he had little option. Puma paused and growled a little. "I don't believe you," he said. "Besides, it's a very large key. And you seem to be stuck to it." "I'm trying to find out where it's going," said the Wabbit. "It's taking you where it's going," said Puma, "so I'm calling in help." "Not at all," said the Wabbit. "Then I'll come with you," said Puma. "OK," sighed the Wabbit. "Just don't touch the key." "You got the right key, but no keyhole," hummed Puma and he loped along after him.

1. The Wabbit finds a Secret Key

The Wabbit was between adventures and it was a place he didn't like. So he chose to wander through Pluto Park for a constitutional hop and time to think. He hopped and hopped and thought about this and that. But when he passed the decorative girders he admired, he looked at the rust - and for an instant he was at one with the little flakes of iron, turning red in the passage of time. "Time and tide wait for no rabbit," he mused. He was pleased with that and tried another saying. "Pass therefore not today in vain," muttered the Wabbit, "for it will never come again." Just before he became maudlin, a metallic clink caught his attention and his ears swivelled. There, on an iron ledge, lay a rusty key. It was rather large with a barrel stem, but despite its rust and age, tell tale scratches told the Wabbit it had been recently used. "A secret key," gasped the Wabbit. He paused for a moment and tried to think what door the key would fit. He could think of no such door. "I need to find the door for this key," said the Wabbit, "and then I can return the key to the owner." But as the Wabbit touched the key, he was instantly seized by a powerful magnetic force and he couldn't shake it free. The Wabbit stared. "Looks like the key comes with me," he sighed.

The Wabbit hosts the Adventure Caffè

The Wabbit was just about to order when in walked his Special Guest. He raised a paw in salute and Duetta the Red Spider made a squiggly wave. "Duetta, you saved the day!" cried Lapinette. "It was all in the Wabbit's plan," said Duetta. The Wabbit didn't look around, but he knew Skratch the Cat was approaching and he braced himself for the inevitable and silently mouthed the words he knew were coming. "Wabbit!" cried Skratch, "what kind of adventure were we just in?"  The Wabbit was about to say something - but Skratch drew himself up to his full height and kept going. "It fell roughly into a new genre called "natural horror", which is, in itself, a sub genre of eco-horror." "Hah," shouted the Wabbit with glee. "Genre is merely a commercial device to attract the audience." "No, no," said Lapinette. "Genre is a negotiation between the audience and the adventure, so that everyone knows where they are."  Marshall Duetta Spyder laughed. "You're all wrong," she smiled. "It was a satire about the popularity of bad food." "What do you consider good food, Duetta?" asked Lapinette. "The dissolved insides of small insects," said Duetta.

The Wabbit hops on the Moon

The Wabbit fell into a deep sleep and dreamed of Lovely Lapinette.  In the dream, they both found themselves on the moon at the same time and hopped towards each other. But their hops were very tall and they stayed on the same spot. Eventually they touched paws and the Wabbit began to sing. "Giant steps are what you take," he warbled, "hopping on the moon." "I hope my legs don't break," sang Lapinette, "hopping on the moon." The Wabbit hopped high and looked down. "We could hop forever, hopping on the moon," he trilled to Lapinette. In mid-hop Lapinette answered. "We could live together, hopping on, hopping on the moon!" They both hopped for a long time and lit by the earth and the sun, their moon shadows hopped too. "Hopping back from your house. Hopping on the moon," sang the Wabbit. "Hopping back from my house, Hopping on the moon," sang Lapinette. "My paws, they hardly touch the ground - walking on the moon," sang the Wabbit. "My feet don’t hardly make a sound - hopping on the moon," sang Lapinette. The Wabbit launched into the rest of the song. "Some may say, I’m wishing my days away ..." The Wabbit felt a sudden dig in his ribs and awakened from his dream. "Where were you?" said Lapinette. "On the moon," said the Wabbit. "Why am I not surprised?" smiled Lapinette.

11. The Wabbit Mops Up

The Wabbit and Skratch the Cat dived for the ice cream kiosk in the New Talmone Caffè and looked out. With the speed of light, a vast web dropped like a curtain - and as the portico darkened, Marshall Duetta and her Red Spiders descended on their victims like a horde of locusts. Skratch and the Wabbit could only watch as relentlessly, the Spiders snared the Spam. Normally the portico would be busy. But local inhabitants had learned to read the signs and there was absolute silence - except for the clicking and snickering of spidery legs and the odd squeal of a captured Spam. The Wabbit dug Skratch in the ribs, and in return Skratch slapped the Wabbit on the back. "Do you fancy an ice cream?" asked the Wabbit. "Oh I don’t mind if I do," said Skratch. The Wabbit looked down at a vast variety of ice cream. "There’s still some of Wabsworth's old Spam flavour," he observed. Skratch grimaced. "If you don’t mind I’d rather have vanilla." "Plain old vanilla?" said the Wabbit. "Where’s your innovative cuisine?" "I left it in the back of a drawer, where it belongs," said Skratch. "Well, I’m going to have carrot flavour," said the Wabbit. Skratch sighed "You always have carrot flavour." "Why change a winning formula?" grinned the Wabbit.

10. The Wabbit Releases the Specials

"Now!" yelled the Wabbit and Skratch the Cat tilted the tray. Torrents of Spam shot from the sandwiches and leapt on the Gnamskulls. More Spam waved gracefully in the air and wafted around looking for targets. There was nothing the Gnamskulls could do. They were hopelessly addicted to Spam and their intakes filled with meaty advertising. The portico echoed to the sound of grumbling, rumbling and crashing as Gnamskulls listed, swayed then fell helplessly to the sidewalk. Skratch watched with satisfaction. "Wabbit, what if there's Spam Creatures left over?" he asked. "I calculated it carefully," said the Wabbit. Skatch looked dubious about the Wabbit's calculations but the Wabbit grinned. "I have a back up plan." He looked up at the portico roof and Skratch followed the direction of his gaze. Curled in windows, Marshall Duetta Spyder and two of her Red Spider cohorts lay quietly in wait. They showed little anxiety over the melee below and cheerfully waved a squiggly wave. The Wabbit waved back and watched the Gnamskulls and the Spam - and counted. "OK Skratch, the Gnamskulls are down." "Any Spam left over?" said Skratch. The Wabbit made another sign to Marshall Duetta Spyder, then turned to Skratch. "It's not over until the Big Spider spins."

9. The Wabbit and the Slow Food Trap

The Wabbit and Skratch headed to the Talmone Caffè in the porticos, where the space was controllable - and there they set up their stall. It wasn’t long before the Gnamskulls, drawn by the smell of the special sandwich filling, started to arrive. Now the Wabbit knew that the Gnamskulls couldn’t hear him, but in the interests of authenticity he started his pitch. With a wild waving of his paws and circular rubbing of his tummy, he started to bark. "Savour the special filling in the special sandwiches," he cried. "Straight from the oven to your scavenging tubes." Skratch thought he would join in. "Get 'em while they’re warm," he yelled and waved his paws in invitation. "Special promotion!" shouted the Wabbit. "Complimentary sandwiches for your delectation." "One taste and you’ll never want anything else," shouted Skratch. The Gnamskulls approached the Wabbit’s table and sniffed and nodded to each other. Scavenging tubes flicked the air and their food intakes gurgled like struggling fuel pumps. "A lovely treat, a joy to eat," yelled the Wabbit and he winked at Skratch. "They're buying it," he hissed, "Get ready to release the special filling." "Are we covered?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit's eyes flicked imperceptibly upwards and he nodded ...

8. The Wabbit and the Catering Corp

The Wabbit and Skratch the Cat headed out to snare the Gnamskulls, carrying the sandwiches with the dangerous special filling. The Wabbit nudged Skratch gently. "We're working undercover Skratch, so whatever you do don't talk about food." "Oh!" said Skratch. Now all Skratch could think of was food - so he tried to change his thoughts. "Wabbit, he said nonchalantly. "Is it OK to talk about films?" "Excellent!" said the Wabbit, "please proceed." Skratch thought for a while then his eyes lit up. "Have you seen that film, Breakfast at Tiffany's?" "Skratch, you'll give the game away," hissed the Wabbit. "We're just caterers. They never talk about food." "What do they talk about? said Skratch. "Topical things," said the Wabbit. "OK," said Skratch and thought again. "I know," he said finally. "Did you know yoghurt does weird things to your brain?" The Wabbit scowled and tried to think. "We'll have a quiz. What's Turin famous for?" Skratch was quick as a flash. "Chocolate and coffee," he yelled. The Wabbit sighed. "It's cars, Turin is famous for cars." "Then I've got a question," said Skratch. "What's a new car colour?" The Wabbit shrugged and gave up. "Crème brûlée?" he grinned.