Tuesday, June 11, 2013
1. The Wabbit finds a Secret Key
Monday, June 10, 2013
The Wabbit hosts the Adventure Caffè
The Wabbit was just about to order when in walked his Special Guest. He raised a paw in salute and Duetta the Red Spider made a squiggly wave. "Duetta, you saved the day!" cried Lapinette. "It was all in the Wabbit's plan," said Duetta. The Wabbit didn't look around, but he knew Skratch the Cat was approaching and he braced himself for the inevitable and silently mouthed the words he knew were coming. "Wabbit!" cried Skratch, "what kind of adventure were we just in?" The Wabbit was about to say something - but Skratch drew himself up to his full height and kept going. "It fell roughly into a new genre called "natural horror", which is, in itself, a sub genre of eco-horror." "Hah," shouted the Wabbit with glee. "Genre is merely a commercial device to attract the audience." "No, no," said Lapinette. "Genre is a negotiation between the audience and the adventure, so that everyone knows where they are." Marshall Duetta Spyder laughed. "You're all wrong," she smiled. "It was a satire about the popularity of bad food." "What do you consider good food, Duetta?" asked Lapinette. "The dissolved insides of small insects," said Duetta.
Friday, June 07, 2013
The Wabbit hops on the Moon
The Wabbit fell into
a deep sleep and dreamed of Lovely Lapinette. In the dream, they both found themselves on the moon at the
same time and hopped towards each other. But their hops were very tall and they
stayed on the same spot. Eventually they touched paws and the Wabbit began to
sing. "Giant steps are what you take," he warbled, "hopping on the
moon." "I hope my legs don't break," sang Lapinette, "hopping on the moon." The Wabbit hopped high and looked down. "We could hop forever, hopping on the moon," he trilled to Lapinette. In mid-hop Lapinette answered. "We could live together, hopping on, hopping on
the moon!" They both hopped for a long time and lit by the earth and the sun, their
moon shadows hopped too. "Hopping back from your house. Hopping on the moon," sang the Wabbit. "Hopping back from my house, Hopping on the moon," sang Lapinette. "My paws, they hardly touch the ground - walking on the moon," sang the Wabbit. "My
feet don’t hardly make a sound - hopping on the moon," sang Lapinette. The Wabbit
launched into the rest of the song. "Some may say, I’m wishing my days away ..." The Wabbit felt a sudden dig in his ribs
and awakened from his dream. "Where were you?" said Lapinette. "On the moon," said the Wabbit. "Why
am I not surprised?" smiled Lapinette.
Thursday, June 06, 2013
11. The Wabbit Mops Up
The Wabbit and Skratch the Cat dived for the ice cream kiosk
in the New Talmone Caffè and looked out. With the speed of light, a vast web
dropped like a curtain - and as the portico darkened, Marshall Duetta and her
Red Spiders descended on their victims like a horde of locusts. Skratch
and the Wabbit could only watch as relentlessly, the Spiders snared the Spam.
Normally the portico would be busy. But local inhabitants had learned to read
the signs and there was absolute silence - except for the clicking and
snickering of spidery legs and the odd squeal of a captured Spam. The Wabbit
dug Skratch in the ribs, and in return Skratch slapped the Wabbit on the back.
"Do you fancy an ice cream?" asked the Wabbit. "Oh I don’t mind
if I do," said Skratch. The Wabbit looked down at a vast variety of ice
cream. "There’s still some of Wabsworth's old Spam flavour," he observed. Skratch
grimaced. "If you don’t mind I’d rather have vanilla." "Plain
old vanilla?" said the Wabbit. "Where’s your innovative
cuisine?" "I left it in the back of a drawer, where it belongs,"
said Skratch. "Well, I’m going to have carrot flavour," said the
Wabbit. Skratch sighed "You always have carrot flavour." "Why
change a winning formula?" grinned the Wabbit.
Wednesday, June 05, 2013
10. The Wabbit Releases the Specials
Tuesday, June 04, 2013
9. The Wabbit and the Slow Food Trap
Friday, May 31, 2013
8. The Wabbit and the Catering Corp
The Wabbit and Skratch the Cat headed out to snare the Gnamskulls, carrying the sandwiches with the dangerous special filling. The Wabbit nudged Skratch gently. "We're working undercover Skratch, so whatever you do don't talk about food." "Oh!" said Skratch. Now all Skratch could think of was food - so he tried to change his thoughts. "Wabbit, he said nonchalantly. "Is it OK to talk about films?" "Excellent!" said the Wabbit, "please proceed." Skratch thought for a while then his eyes lit up. "Have you seen that film, Breakfast at Tiffany's?" "Skratch, you'll give the game away," hissed the Wabbit. "We're just caterers. They never talk about food." "What do they talk about? said Skratch. "Topical things," said the Wabbit. "OK," said Skratch and thought again. "I know," he said finally. "Did you know yoghurt does weird things to your brain?" The Wabbit scowled and tried to think. "We'll have a quiz. What's Turin famous for?" Skratch was quick as a flash. "Chocolate and coffee," he yelled. The Wabbit sighed. "It's cars, Turin is famous for cars." "Then I've got a question," said Skratch. "What's a new car colour?" The Wabbit shrugged and gave up. "Crème brûlée?" he grinned.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
7. The Wabbit obtains More Supplies
Hidden in a bar on the river was the Wabbit's secret armoury. There, Wabsworth - the Wabbit's android double - both gathered information and dispensed weaponry to certain agents from the Department of Wabbit Affairs. "We need more sandwiches with the secret filling," said the Wabbit. "I only just gave you some," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit hopped up and down impatiently. "It was a destructive test," he sighed, "there's none left." "Then I shall expect a signed chit stating the exact circumstances of usage," smirked Wabsworth. "Later!" hissed the Wabbit. Wabsworth leaned back and pulled himself up to his full height. "This is a controlled substance from an old adventure," he explained. "I can't keep supplying it. It's dangerous." "That's why we need it." said Skratch. Wabsworth gave him a stare. "What happened anyway?" he asked. "Gnamskulls consumed it with gusto," said Skratch, "and so we need double-strength filling ingredients." Wabsworth took a number of sandwiches from the bar. "Here are some I made earlier," he said. "And do not, I repeat not let them escape into our environment." The Wabbit seized the sandwiches and carefully examined the filling. "They look just the same," he said. "Never mistake appearance for reality," smiled Wabsworth.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
6. The Wabbit goes too Far
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
5. The Wabbit and the Gnamskull Test
Monday, May 27, 2013
4. The Wabbit in the Sandwich Lab
Friday, May 24, 2013
3. The Wabbit and the Salad Sandwich
The Wabbit fished in his fur for his salad sandwich and finally found it. The lettuce was limp, the carrot was curled and faded. And as for the bread it was hard as a board. But the Wabbit was hungry and his stomach rumbled and he hauled the sandwich out. But he didn't get to take a single bite. Yellow Gnamskulls descended from different directions and the place was awash with foraging tubes. Carrot shavings and lettuce leaves instantly liquidised as they were drawn through the tubes and into the cavernous eye sockets of the Gnamskulls. The Wabbit spluttered. He didn't like being taken by surprise and in his heart of hearts he knew he had plenty of warning. "Leave my sandwich alone, you beasts," he cried. But the Gnamskulls took no notice. He shouted louder and louder, yet the more he shouted, the more they ate until the Wabbit realised they couldn't hear. He found this totally infuriating and shouted more loudly. "I'll grind your bones for glue!" he raged. This had no effect whatsoever and the Gnamskulls continued to eat his sandwich. "I hope it chokes you!" shouted the Wabbit - but he noticed they were suddenly finished. And they all turned to look at him. The Wabbit shrugged and looked back. "Coffee and biscotti?" he asked.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
2. The Wabbit & the Market Attraction
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
1. The Wabbit & the Gnamskull Dossier
In a shady viewing theatre on Via Nizza, the Wabbit slipped his information disk into the system and sat back. The theatre was only used at night. But the Wabbit had a special arrangement - so during the day, he could let himself in without a word to a soul. The loudspeakers suddenly barked. "Department of Wabbit Affairs Study Clip, Number 203." "Get to the point," muttered the Wabbit to no-one in particular. "We will now get to the point," said the voice. "This is the only Gnamskull image we have so far. Please study it carefully." "OK, OK," said the Wabbit and he scrutinised the image pixel by pixel. The loudspeakers echoed around the small theatre. "The Gnamskull eats anything. Food and drink in large quantities are drawn through scavenging tubes ..." "In its eyes," muttered the Wabbit. "... in its eyes," said the voice. "I knew all this already," sighed the Wabbit and he began to fidget. The loudspeakers quivered and boomed. "What most don't know is the Gnamskulls' insatiable capacity for dodgy food." "I did so!" muttered the Wabbit. "The Gnamskulls could emerge at any time," said the voice. "Oh yeah!" scoffed the Wabbit. The voice laughed. "Perhaps in this very viewing theatre, Commander." "No-one knows this place," said the Wabbit.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
The Wabbit and the Next Adventure
"Why so glum, Wabbit?" said Lapinette. "I'm waiting on my mission papers, but nothing has come up," said the Wabbit and he stuffed his paws in his fur, despite the heat. "You could catch up on your paperwork," suggested Lapinette, watching for the horrified look that would appear on the Wabbit's face. "I've asked Ledger the Accountant to have a go at that," said the Wabbit, calmly, "because apparently, I have to delegate." Lapinette smiled and spread her paws. "I was at the unusual, but not entirely unexpected events committee yesterday." "What does everyone talk about?" asked the Wabbit, brightening. "Usually nothing much," said Lapinette, "but yesterday there was a dossier on the Gnamskulls." "Never heard of them," said the Wabbit, dismissively "You should have," said Lapinette. "They'll eat anything, no matter how awful." "Nothing unusual there," said the Wabbit, thinking of a restaurant he had passed in Via Nizza. "Through their eyes!" said Lapinette. "Ooooh!" gasped the Wabbit. "How enticingly stomach churning." "If you're interested, I'll pass you the papers tomorrow," said Lapinette. "I'll run my eye across them," said the Wabbit.
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