3. The Wabbit and the Lapin Briefing

The Wabbit had correctly predicted the state of the Tiber tow path. There wasn't a soul around - except for a rabbit secret agent, a jet car and a dragon made of food. No-one noticed the powerful reverse thrust of the Turbina's jet engine and no-one heard the Wabbit as he absent-mindedly tapped a jazz rhythm on Turbina's hood. "Commander please stop," sighed Turbina. "What's under there?" joked the Wabbit and he tapped again. "My salad sandwiches," said Turbina. "I'm hungry," said the Wabbit and paused as his stomach groaned softly. "I know why you're here," said Terni the Dragon. "No-one knows," retorted the Wabbit. "Yes, I heard it on the grapevine," said Terni. The Wabbit tapped out the tune on Turbina's hood and started to sing "and I'm just about to lose my mind!" when a sharp hoot from Turbina echoed down the walls. "Ouch" said the Wabbit and he hopped back shaking his paw. "Static!" laughed Turbina. Terni smiled as only a dragon can and asked "What's the plan?" "We'll split up and look for Cardinal Lapin in places he usually frequents," said the Wabbit. "That's caffès, churches and clerical outfitters." Turbina jumped in first, "I'll cruise the streets and look at the shops!" "And I'll fly across the dreaming spires and piazze," said Terni. "Splendid," said the Wabbit. "That leaves the caffès to me."

2. The Wabbit Jets In

The Wabbit and Turbina the Jet Car flew into Rome at a suitable altitude. "Keep your eyes open for cardinals, Turbina," said the Wabbit. "What do they look like?" asked Turbina, "They're invariably in red," said the Wabbit. "Excellent choice," said Turbina. A short time elapsed while Turbina did things with instrumentation. "Incoming dragon at six o'clock. Commander. Shall I hail it?" The Wabbit's rear sight line wasn't great so he turned and squinted out from the rear window. "That's Terni," he said and he waved. The radio crackled a bit. "He does have a radio?" asked Turbina. "He has one of mine," said the Wabbit. "Then I'll call him with a proper one. "Calling Dragon. This is Turbina the Jet Car. Please identify yourself and state the nature of your business."" "This airspace is under my jurisdiction," said Terni through much static. "I work for Wabbit Command."  Turbina muted the radio and addressed the Wabbit. "You do a lot of unofficial things, Wabbit!" "I call it supernumerary assistance," shrugged the Wabbit. "As might be required from time to time, I suppose?" sighed Turbina. The radio crackled again and Terni the Food Dragon cut in. "Turbina Heavy. You're cleared to land on the River Tiber Towpath. Over." "Copy," said Turbina and she spoke to the Wabbit. "Why there?" "There's never a soul around," said the Wabbit.

1. The Wabbit tries to leave Quietly

The Wabbit dropped in at the Department of Wabbit Affairs to get Turbina the Jet Car. Then he left as quietly as a jet car would allow. "Quietly," murmured the Wabbit as Turbina's thrust lever suddenly roared. "Might I remind you Commander," said a voice, "that I outrank you." The Wabbit smiled to himself. "Sorry Turbina, I meant to request a little less noise." "That's better," said Turbina. "And I was not informed of this trip." "That's because I'm on leave," said the Wabbit. There was a long silence. "You never take leave," said Turbina. The Wabbit turned right and headed up Via Arsenale. "Just a wee break," said the Wabbit, grinning. "I don't believe you," snapped Turbina. The Wabbit paused for a second. "It's a private mission," he confessed. "It's officially unofficial." "Excellent!" said Turbina, "I could use an outing." The Wabbit breathed a long sigh of relief. "Where are we headed?" asked Turbina. "Rome," said the Wabbit. "Fly or drive?" asked Turbina. "We'll drive and listen to some tunes," said the Wabbit, "and then we'll just fly in." "Just as if we're having a vacation, a little change," said Turbina. "You got the drift," said the Wabbit, "a change is as good as a rest."

The Wabbit hears News of a Friend

The Wabbit and Lapinette hopped to a Safe Garden nearby and the Wabbit touched Lapinette's paw. "What up?" he asked with a half smile. "This is on the strict QT," said Lapinette, "It's not official Department business." "The Wabbit nodded but stayed quiet. "It's our friend, Cardinal Lapin," frowned Lapinette. "He's due for a promotion." "Oh," said the Wabbit, "a Chief Cardinal already?" Lapinette made a funny face at the Wabbit and continued. "Threats have been made against him and now he's gone missing." The Wabbit's demeanor changed. He growled the deepest of growls and his paw grasped for some object in his fur. Lapinette's ears twitched as she heard an unmistakable metal click. "I'll hop straight off then," said the Wabbit. "Things to do, cardinals to find." Lapinette sighed. "It's not official, we're not supposed to know." "Never heard a thing," said the Wabbit. "Anyway, I do have leave outstanding." "When do you propose to take it?" asked Lapinette, although she knew the answer. "Immediately immediate," said the Wabbit and he turned to go. "Wabbit!" called Lapinette. The Wabbit turned and looked at Lapinette with the other half of his smile. "Mind your back, Commander," she said in a  low voice. The Wabbit grinned. "I've been minding my back so long, I forgot I had a front."

The Wabbit's After-adventure Caffè

After the adventure they all gathered in a caffè for a quick discussion. "Oh, there you are Skratch, smiled the Wabbit. "I’ll ask The Question." "No need," said Skratch, "It was a Crazy Cool adventure and none the worse for that!" The Wabbit looked relieved. "It belonged in no particular genre then?" asked Wabsworth. Skratch nodded with approval, but Lapinette was impatient to know what to do with the dark energy creature. "Ghost Bunny, do you know of any galaxies short of a few singularities?" she enquired. "Well, this one here," said Ghost Bunny. Lapinette wrinkled her nose. "OK," said Ghost Bunny, mimicking the Wabbit. "Galaxy M85 is sadly lacking." "Just the ticket," said the Wabbit. "I’ll get Quantum the Time Travelling Train on the job right away." "Can I go along for the ride?" asked Snail. "I don’t get to many galaxies." "Bring back pictures," grinned the Wabbit. "Is it far?" said Snail. "Sixty million light years," said Ghost Bunny. "Then let the Train take the strain," nodded Snail. Everyone laughed and broke into conversation - except for Lapinette and the Wabbit. "Wabbit, something urgent has come up," whispered  Lapinette. The Wabbit crinkled his eyes and took her paw. "Let’s go for a hop and you can tell me all about it," he said. So they quietly disengaged from the merry band and hopped round the corner for a chat. 

9. Wabsworth & the Genie in the Bottle

Suddenly the music stopped and everything froze - everything except for Wabsworth and the Dark Energy creature. Wabsworth pulled the bottle from the coat that the Wabbit had given him - and with a quick twist of his paw, he opened the cap. The distinctive smell of amaro was strong enough to fill the tunnel and Wabsworth wondered how the Wabbit had come by the bottle. "Some Gala Dinner that must have been!" he thought, looking at the police label. There was no mistaking the creature's joy. It only had eyes for the bottle and it compressed until it could squeeze through the top. The creature squeezed and squeezed until it was completely inside. And through the glass, Wabsworth could see singularities swirl around until everything was darkly dense. "It's drinking the dregs!" thought Wabsworth and he deftly rescrewed the cap. Wabsworth wasn't sure what would happen, but he reasoned that amaro was digestive and medicinal. "Black holes can only benefit," he thought and he looked round to see Ghost Bunny spooking into her former ghostliness. Lapinette and the Wabbit formally returned heads and Big Blue Snail slid backwards and forwards  on the rails in a kind of break dance. "You don't see that every day," thought Wabsworth.

8. The Wabbit and the Science of Soul

Ghost Bunny haunted into action. The Wabbit had accidentally touched the Dark Energy creature so there was nothing else to do. She became enormous and piercing light shot from her eyes. "Wabsworth! Now!" she shrieked. Wabsworth fired the anti-matter decelerator and everything whirled, shattered and reassembled in a startling scene. The creature became flat and Ghost Bunny began to sing. "Callin' out around the world, are you ready for a brand new wail?" The Wabbit sang back. "Summer's here and the time is right, for dancing on the rails." "Dancin' in the Metro," sang the two Lapinettes. "Slidin' on the rails," sang Snail in the background. Wabsworth couldn't help grinning. "What did you do?" "I'm protecting them with music," wailed Ghost Bunny, "do you have a bottle for the creature?" "Yes, in my fur," said Wabsworth. "When the music stops, everything will change," said Ghost Bunny. "The creature will shrink, and you can trap it in the bottle." Lapinette and the Wabbit swayed sinuously. "All we need is music, sweet music," sang the Wabbit, "there'll be music everywhere." "There'll be swingin' swayin', and records playin'" sang Lapinette, "dancin' on the rails!" Wabsworth rummaged in his fur. "Oh, shall we let them finish?" smiled Ghost Bunny, sweetly.

7. The Wabbit gets Too Close

As the train passed the Dark Energy creature, the gang jumped out and ran back in pursuit. Snail glided along on the rails in a perfectly satisfactory fashion, while Wabsworth took up position on the access hopway and drew a bead on the creature. Right at the front, the Wabbit crept up behind the creature and studied it with interest. It took not the slightest notice of the Wabbit, but its eyes continued to spit out small black holes, which spiralled up in search of food. The Wabbit saw several tools and a few coils of wire disappear into the holes. So he clutched his own toolkit tightly and called out, "What next Ghost Bunny? Shall we use the decelerator?" Wabsworth lifted it and shouted across, "Ready when you are!" "Not yet Wabbits," wailed Ghost Bunny, "we require a clear space." She made herself hauntingly comfortable on Snail’s head and looked around. Lapinette looked too. "We need somewhere to put it," she yelled to the Wabbit. "Like a box or something?" he answered. "It will be enormously dense," moaned Ghost Bunny. "You did say they were stupid," agreed the Wabbit. "What about a bottle?” shouted Wabsworth. "Oh, put the genie in a bottle?" murmured the Wabbit. "I have just the thing." The Wabbit rummaged in his fur for something suitable, but he was getting closer and closer to the creature. "Don’t touch it!" shrieked Ghost Bunny. "Aaaargh!" yelled the Wabbit. 

6.The Wabbit's Anti Matter Decelerator

Ghost Bunny was as good as her word and the Wabbit's android double, Wabsworth appeared bearing a strange device. "What's that weird thing, Wabsworth?" asked the Wabbit. "It's an anti matter decelerator I knocked up in the shed," said Wabsworth. "Now let's get this creature who didn't pay his fare - and blow him to kingdom come." "I like your style Wabsworth," said the Wabbit, nodding his head. "Oh, hurry up Wabsworth, before the doors close, the Metro is automatic," said Lapinette. "Then we 'll spot the creature in the tunnel and hop out." said the Wabbit. "How will we get the train to stop?" asked Snail. In his efforts to squeeze through the door, Snail had temporarily prevented them from closing. "I think I'll leave that to the Wabbit," said Lapinette. The Wabbit grinned and pulled from his fur a set of tools he had picked up cheaply in a market. "Spanners for throwing in the works," said the Wabbit. "Why don't we just pull the communication cord," commented Snail. "And risk a fine!" said Wabsworth in a shocked voice. Ghost Bunny let out a quavering wail. "All aboard, all aboard the Dark Energy Express." The doors closed with a hiss. With hardly a jerk, the train moved down the platform and into the tunnel.

5. The Wabbit and Singularity Trouble

Big Blue Snail made for the lift while the rest scampered down the metro escalator in pursuit of the Dark Energy Creature. But just before they reached the bottom, the creature suddenly transformed and threw spirals from its baleful eyes. "Ghost Bunny, what’s it doing?" yelled Lovely Lapinette.  "Preparing to feed," wailed Ghost Bunny in a cry that echoed hauntingly from the station walls. The Wabbit’s ears quivered. "With its eyes?" he gasped. "They are not eyes," howled Ghost Bunny. "Think of them as mouths." "They’re singularities!" shouted Lapinette. "Best not to get in its way then," said the Wabbit and he felt in his fur for his automatic. "Wabbit, you can’t shoot a black hole with a gun," hissed Lapinette. "Oh," said the Wabbit in a disappointed tone and he rummaged around for something more appropriate. "Do you have an anti-matter decelerator?" asked Lapinette sarcastically. "It’s in my other coat," quipped the Wabbit. "Wabsworth has your other coat," smiled Lapinette. Ghost Bunny let out a shriek. "Wabbit, I'll summon your android double. That Wabsworth's going to be furious." Lapinette raised her eyes. Ghost Bunny and the Wabbit spoke at one and the same time. "The creature failed to buy a ticket."

4.The Wabbit & the Nature of Dark Energy

Ghost Bunny appeared swiftly in her usual haunting manner and Lapinette wasn't long in arriving. Together they watched the creature make its way into the Metro. "What's all this, Wabbit?" snapped Ghost Bunny. "I was watching television." The Wabbit gestured towards the Dark Energy creature. "Oh, these plonkers!" said Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit knew that Ghost Bunny was attached to old British sitcoms and had picked up the language. "It could be dangerous," said Lapinette. "Oh it's very dangerous." Ghost Bunny uttered a haunting wail. "But they're hopelessly stupid." Lapinette sighed. "Oh I hate the stupid ones." "They accelerate the universe," said Ghost Bunny, "but they don't know why." "Neither do we," said the Wabbit, "and it's going to the tunnels." "To feed," said Ghost Bunny, "and it's all your fault." "The Wabbit looked quizzical. "You suggested that the stations on the Metro were edible." The Wabbit looked nonplussed. "You indicated you get on at Pizza and get off at Macaroni." Lapinette buried her head in her paws and Ghost Bunny fluttered around. "They're quite voracious. The universe will become unstable." "How did it get here?" asked Snail. Ghost Bunny shrugged just like the Wabbit "Probably hitched a lift on that asteroid you allowed to hang above the Corso Svizzera. "I got a parking ticket for that," scowled the Wabbit.

3 The Wabbit and the Dark Presence

Big Blue Snail and the Wabbit hurried to the Blue Exit and there in their path was a presence.  A swirling black cloud was making its way slowly but steadily through the temporary entrance to the Porta Nuova Station. The Wabbit held out a paw to stop Snail’s advance and Snail slithered to a halt. "What is that thing, Wabbit?" asked Snail. "Just stand still," said the Wabbit, "Stand very, very still." The presence slowly advanced and moved straight through them as if they weren’t there. "I thought so,” said the Wabbit. "Thought what?" asked Snail. "A Dark Energy Creature," said the Wabbit. "Is that proved?" said Snail, who was a sceptic when it came to theoretical physics. The Wabbit shivered.  "It is now," he said. "Snail, how did you feel?" "I felt nothing at all," said Snail. "It ruffled my fur," said the Wabbit. They watched as the presence moved slowly onwards. "Where is it going?" asked Snail. "Where would you go if you were dark energy?" replied the Wabbit. Snail thought for a minute. "The Metro?" He tried to shrug like the Wabbit, half succeeded and then asked, "Who knows most about dark energy?" "Lapinette," said the Wabbit. Snail considered. "I don't like the look of 'em, we need more help." "Ghost Bunny," said the Wabbit immediately. "Better get on your radio," said Snail. "To call Ghost Bunny," smiled the Wabbit, "I need no radio." And he twitched his special blue glasses in a most special way.

2. The Wabbit and the Mind of Railways

The Wabbit hopped through the Porta Nuova station. He thought of it as a short cut, but this was an illusion. Because of its many interesting features, it was always more of a long cut for the Wabbit. As he was pondering, he found himself hopping beside Big Blue Snail. "Perfect!" thought the Wabbit. Big Blue Snail was the most mindful creature he knew and he hoped it would rub off on him. "Hello Snail, how is your path?" he asked. "I am on it," said Snail. "So am I," thought  the Wabbit, but stayed silent. "This," said Snail, "is the railway station, and so I am both arriving and leaving." "When I pass through," said the Wabbit mindfully, "I am the station." There was no reply and the Wabbit paused. “Speak quick!" said Snail. The Wabbit shrugged and placed his paws over his mouth. "The train arriving at Platform Ten is leaving at Platform  One," he announced in an echoing voice. Snail smiled as passengers darted hither and thither. "Wabbit, there is no train at platform Ten." "Nor at Platform One," said the Wabbit. Snail turned to the Wabbit. "What is the mind of the railway?" The Wabbit  glanced up and his eyes twinkled. "The timetable," he said simply. Snail smiled. "Then what is the timetable for our next adventure?" The Wabbit gestured suddenly for Snail to follow. "I think it’s just started over there, at the Blue Exit ...”

1. The Wabbit and Mindful Mindfulness

The Wabbit was hopping his favourite portico and deep in thought when he was abruptly interrupted. "Ho there, Wabbit!" called Skratch the Cat. Skratch was fresh from his mindfulness class and couldn't help spreading mindfulness around. "Mind your path," he intoned and lowered his head gravely. That action was mostly lost on the Wabbit, because he hadn't looked round. He knew very well that Skratch would catch up quickly and regale him with his latest learning. "I am hopping," said the Wabbit quietly. "Well, when you hop, you must hop," said Skratch, "and when I prowl, I must prowl." The Wabbit had never thought otherwise, but Lapinette had recommended the class, so he bore Skratch's enthusiasm with equanimity. "Where are you going?" asked Skratch.  The Wabbit' eyes twinkled. "It's only my path, and there is no coming or going," he said sagely, just to wind Skratch up. But Skratch nodded so seriously that the Wabbit pounced. "What must we be mindful of?" he asked suddenly. "The present!" said Skratch. The Wabbit grinned and softly enquired, "Where is the present?" Skratch looked hesitant and the Wabbit took his opportunity. "Here it is!" shouted the Wabbit and he hopped on Skratch's foot.

The Wabbit & Commodity Prices

Very, very early in the morning, on the path by the River, the Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette met with the Alien Pilot. It was unfinished business, because the Pilot had said he would pay their price for obtaining the Sharpies - and their metal. The Wabbit wanted to leave the whole thing be. But Lapinette thought that was discourteous. "The Alien Pilot rescued us, make no bones about it," she had said in a special voice and the Wabbit knew better than to argue. Her words rang in his ears when the Pilot spoke. "You did me a favour Wabbit." The Wabbit inclined his head. "I heard about metal commodities in a bar on the Planet Lythion and decided to try my luck." The Wabbit tilted his head even further and narrowed his eyes. "Then call it 50 Quid and we're square," he murmured. "It's too little," said the Pilot, dropping high denomination coins into Lapinette's paw. Lapinette span them in the air and caught them with her other paw. "Pilot," said the Wabbit finally, "you did us a favour, your money's no good here." "Business is business," said the Pilot. The Wabbit paused. "Then call it our investment in your future business," he said. The Pilot raised all of his eyes. "In which we'll take considerable interest," smiled Lapinette innocently.

Quid: Quasi Universal Intergalactic Denomination