The Wabbit & Commodity Prices

Very, very early in the morning, on the path by the River, the Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette met with the Alien Pilot. It was unfinished business, because the Pilot had said he would pay their price for obtaining the Sharpies - and their metal. The Wabbit wanted to leave the whole thing be. But Lapinette thought that was discourteous. "The Alien Pilot rescued us, make no bones about it," she had said in a special voice and the Wabbit knew better than to argue. Her words rang in his ears when the Pilot spoke. "You did me a favour Wabbit." The Wabbit inclined his head. "I heard about metal commodities in a bar on the Planet Lythion and decided to try my luck." The Wabbit tilted his head even further and narrowed his eyes. "Then call it 50 Quid and we're square," he murmured. "It's too little," said the Pilot, dropping high denomination coins into Lapinette's paw. Lapinette span them in the air and caught them with her other paw. "Pilot," said the Wabbit finally, "you did us a favour, your money's no good here." "Business is business," said the Pilot. The Wabbit paused. "Then call it our investment in your future business," he said. The Pilot raised all of his eyes. "In which we'll take considerable interest," smiled Lapinette innocently.

Quid: Quasi Universal Intergalactic Denomination

The Wabbit & the after Adventure Picnic

They all gathered and drank aperitivi and talked about what a strange adventure it had been. There had been so many enemies and unexpected happenings that they were quite bemused. Still, the Wabbit did think about asking Skratch the Cat what type of adventure it was, but there was little point. Skratch had already said it was like the movie, Rio Bravo. "There were rather a lot of guns in our adventure," said Lapinette. "Yes and they weren't much use, were they?" sighed the Wabbit, "they weigh down my fur a lot and require maintenance." "In future Wabbit, we need to use our wits more than weapons," said Skratch. The Wabbit thought for a bit, sipped his aperitivo and listened to the children. "Skratch," interrupted Lapinette, "what resolved the story in Rio Bravo?" "Explosives," said Skratch, with a matter of fact purr. "Remind me of what happened," said Lapinette brightly and considered another aperitivo. Skratch smiled a very broad smile indeed. "The heroes threw the dynamite at their enemies and set it off with gunfire." "The Wabbit sighed a long sigh. "Then I suppose it just depends," he said. "Depends on what?" asked Lapinette. "What I happen to have in my fur," smiled the Wabbit.

14. The Wabbit and the Big Think

Skratch led everyone back through the Secret Tunnel and it did indeed emerge at the pretty garden that the Wabbit liked. "All's well that ends well!" said Skratch, gesturing back at Ledger and his wife and children. The Wabbit shook his head. "These recent adventures don't end," he said, "they just seem go on and on." "Just like life, Wabbit," said Lapinette. "One adventure ends and another starts." "But we still don't know why the Sharpies attacked us," said the Wabbit. "You're thinking again," said Skratch, "and too much thinking is a kind of curse." "It's called think-itis," said Lapinette. The Wabbit grinned and then thought about grinning so he stopped and made a straight face. "Don't you know the head gardener here?" asked Skratch. "I certainly do," said the Wabbit. "She's awfully nice and looks after my secret ..." The Wabbit realised everyone was listening intently and changed his mind. "Secret collection of pruning shears," he said finally. "Perhaps she could arrange for aperitivi to be served right here," said Lapinette. "All right," said the Wabbit. "Five aperitivi and some carrot juice for the children." "Some?" smiled Lapinette. The Wabbit made a quick calculation using both paws and narrowed eyes. "25 Litres," he smiled. "And picnic biscuits!" yelled Skratch.

13, The Wabbit and the Alien Attraction

The engine drone became deafening as the plane flew overhead. The Wabbit clutched his fur as blades flew upwards towards a familiar object. "Why didn't I think of that?," muttered the Wabbit. "You can't think of everything," said Skratch, "you think too much as it is!" A clang rang out as a Sharpie stuck to a giant magnet. The Wabbit flinched back as a spike grazed his nose. "At least we know who it is!" said Lapinette. "Oh yes," muttered the Wabbit, who hadn't a clue. "This is Rio Bravo, Wabbit!" shouted Skratch. The Wabbit shrugged. "Because people you rejected are turning up to help," said Skratch." The Wabbit shook his head. "Wabbit, you're hopeless," grinned Lapinette. But as she gestured happily, the radio flew from her paw and joined the blades on their hapless journey to the giant magnet. "Grrr," said Lapinette. "Don't worry, Feathers" chortled the Wabbit. "I have another." The Wabbit shoved a paw in his fur for his spare radio - but Skratch clamped a paw down hard. "Leave it Wabbit. Let the Alien Pilot sort it out." "Alien Pilot!" shouted the "Wabbit. "I sent him far away." "Fortunately, not far enough," said Skratch.

12. The Wabbit and the Scrap Metal Trade

Lapinette grabbed the radio from the Wabbit and hit it once. For a few seconds nothing happened. Then the radio crackled and burst into life. They could hear the sound of a plane and a voice sang, "Any old iron, any old iron, any any any old iron." The Wabbit started to tap a foot but Lapinette stepped on it sharply and glared at him. "Single engine light plane, 1930s," said the Wabbit. "Not one of ours?" asked Lapinette. "Definitely not," said the Wabbit. Lapinette lifted the radio. "To whom am I speaking," she enquired. The singing stopped and the engine drone dropped. "Just an old space trader," said a voice. Lapinette paused and considered.  “Don’t I know you from somewhere?" she asked. "It’s a small galaxy," said the voice. "“But you need some assistance and I’m here to take any old scrap metal off your paws." Lapinette looked at the Wabbit and raised an eye. The Wabbit shrugged. Lapinette lifted the radio again. "We do have some merchandise," she breathed softly. The Wabbit jumped up and down and waved both paws upwards. "For a price," hissed Lapinette. "I buy any scrap," hummed the voice. "with your price paid." Lapinette looked at the Sharpies’ blades and smiled. "You take charge of the merchandise and we’ll agree a price later." "On my way," said the voice. "And if you have anything metal in your fur ..." The Wabbit patted his fur frantically. "... please anchor it down." said the voice. 

11. The Wabbit & the Room with a View

The Wabbit led the rush to the balcony and they all scrambled up. But the Sharpies were fast and hurled blade after blade. Automatics were hardly a match for the missiles, but for a while their fire held the enemy at bay. "What next Wabbit?" shouted Lapinette. "Aim for the blades," he yelled. "Kill the blades and you kill the ghouls." "That's the wrong film, Wabbit," shouted Skratch. "This is Rio Bravo, not the Night of the Living Dead!" "We'll be the living dead in a minute!" scowled Lapinette as a blade shattered close to her foot. Blades rained down and some wedged quivering in the brickwork. "We need reinforcements," muttered Skratch as he dragged Lapinette onto the balcony. "I'd radio in if I had a spare paw," said the Wabbit, dispatching two Sharpies with two shots. Suddenly the Sharpies stopped. Sounds of fighting died away and there was silence. The Wabbit shook his head and slid fresh clips into his guns. "The radio, Wabbit!" whispered Lapinette. "Oh yes," said the Wabbit and he fished in his fur. He fished for a long time, glancing up from time to time and smiling with a lopsided grin. Finally he found what he was looking for and looked directly at Lapinette with a straight face. "Did you remember to charge the batteries?" he smiled.

10. The Wabbit & the Companions of Evil

The friends emerged from the tunnel to find themselves in the woods, directly opposite the back of Ledger's house. "Good grief, Wabbit, what the devil are these?" hissed Skratch. The Wabbit's normally cheerful demeanour dropped, to be replaced by a look of horror. "They're Sharpies," he whispered, "don't let them see us." "I've never heard of them," said Lapinette. "They're supposed to be a legend," replied the Wabbit, "but clearly that's a myth." "What's their raison d’être?" asked Lapinette. "Slicing and dicing," said the Wabbit gravely. "They reduce everything to shavings." "What can they want with us?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit whispered at length. "The legend tells that they only respond to great evil, which they cannot resist. They dissect victims with their many blades in the service of evil." "The companions of evil,” murmured Lapinette. "Exactly," said the Wabbit, "but who are their companions?" "Could be anyone, really," shrugged Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded sadly but Ledger nudged him and pointed to the balcony. "Something's happening," he said. "How do you know?" asked Skratch. "I know my wife," said Ledger. And as they looked, the sharp crack of an automatic turned all into confusion ... 

9. The Wabbit moves Underground

Deep under the bunker lay the tunnel and the Wabbit led the way. "Let's take this path," said the Wabbit. "I don't know what's at that end," warned Skratch the Cat. "There's only one way to find out," said the Wabbit and he hopped forward. Lapinette pointed her torch. "I think it's the house," she said. "The house it is then," murmured the Wabbit, "and let's be on the lookout for anything that smacks of geometry." "So we won't go off at a tangent," smirked Ledger. The Wabbit glanced at Ledger with astonishment and nudged Skratch. "I think I saw Ledger smile," he whispered. "A trick of the light," grinned Skratch. They hopped for quite a while, then Skratch glanced overhead. "I wonder where we are exactly?" "I'd say we're parallel with the edge of the woods," said the Wabbit. Skratch narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "They're surely expecting us," he sighed. "They're expecting something," said the Wabbit, "but now they're uncertain." "We're not even certain of who they are," said Lapinette. "It doesn't matter, because they will underestimate us,"  said the Wabbit. Sudden quiet fell and their shadows seemed to pace them as they travelled. "We appear weak, when we are strong." explained the Wabbit. "How strong are we?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit flicked imaginary dust from his fur. "We're all packing heat," he drawled.

8. The Wabbit and the Secret Bunker

The Wabbit and Lapinette hopped rapidly under the trees to avoid the guided pencils raining from the sky, but still the Euclidean fighters circled. Deeper into the woods they spotted something odd. "What's that?" puffed the Wabbit. Lapinette stared. "It looks like a bunker," she said, "but I thought there were no bunkers left." "Maybe we can shelter there?" said the Wabbit - but as he hopped closer, a door creaked open. The Wabbit and Lapinette drew automatics from their fur and held their breath. "Surprise!" shouted a familiar voice. First Skratch's head, then Ledger's appeared from the doorway. "Better get inside!" yelled Skratch, "before they start progression bombing." Lapinette looked in the door. "Where on earth does this go?" "You're not going to believe me," said Skratch. "Let's talk inside," yelled the Wabbit as the increasing drone told him fighters were closing. Safe in the bunker's interior they listened as the fighters' drone grew inaudible. They sighed with relief and looked at each other. "I wasn't expecting this turn of events," said the Wabbit. "What were you expecting?" asked Skratch. "Just normal mild peril," said the Wabbit. Skratch smiled. "This leads to a tunnel," he said. "Where to?" "Where from, you mean," said Skratch. "Grrr," said the Wabbit. "From that garden you like," said Skratch, "You found it by trowel and error?" grinned the Wabbit. 

7. The Wabbit and the Euclidian Faction

The Wabbit had joined Lapinette to the rear of Ledger's house, when he heard a drone that he recognised. He gripped Lapinette's arm tightly and pulled. "Run Run!" he shouted and they ran as fast as they could. But the three fighters looming from the sky were faster. They swooped over and back - and when they spotted the Wabbit and Lapinette, they started to fire. "Guided pencils!" shouted the Wabbit, jumping to avoid the sharpened missiles. "Who are they?" yelled Lapinette, fishing her automatic from her fur. "They're Euclidians," yelled the Wabbit. "They split from mainstream mathematics to take up armed geometry." "Are they the ones who employed Ledger to spy on us?" asked Lapinette. "I don't think so," said the Wabbit and he fired unsuccessfully at one of the fighters. "But they might be in league with others." They both stood their ground and for a while they shot at the fighters and dodged their missiles. "Are these heat seeking?" said Lapinette, kicking one as it zoomed past. "It's possible," yelled the Wabbit, "but I think I know what guides them in." Lapinette fired another unsuccessful shot. "Do you have any graph pads in your fur?" asked the Wabbit. "Of course not!" shouted Lapinette. "I have six,” frowned the Wabbit. 

6. The Wabbit and the Wife in the Garret

The Wabbit climbed to the window and pushed it open. "I heard you were coming," said an imperious voice, "and it's not a moment too soon." The Wabbit looked inside to see Ledger's wife. "Acme Repairs at your service Mrs Ledger, there's remedial work to be done." "I've been waiting some time," said Mrs Ledger, "so I hope you're going to do a good job," "The very best we can," smiled the Wabbit. "Sorry you've been inconvenienced." He dropped his voice. "I hope we're not inconveniencing anyone else?" He looked behind her and all around, then questioningly raised his eyes. Mrs Ledger subtly gestured towards the back of the house with a paw and the Wabbit nodded and tapped his coat. "We have rather a lot of equipment, Mrs Ledger, Ma'am - so perhaps you might store some for us?" He winked broadly then fished in his fur and brought out an automatic. Then with a flick of his paw he sent it spiralling across the room. Mrs Ledger caught it deftly and winked back as she tucked it away. The Wabbit made to climb down the ladder but paused. "Is there any work to be done in the grounds?" he asked. Mrs Ledger nodded. "There's rather a lot of weeds to be cleared and some garbage to be removed." "We'll do the garbage first," said the Wabbit and he disappeared from sight.

5. The Wabbit effects Landlordly Repairs

There was quiet at the house where Ledger's family was captive. But it didn't last long. Suddenly there was a lot of noise in the Ledger Woods as the Wabbit chugged up with a strange vehicle. "Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho!" sang Lapinette, dancing on the forklift.  "It's off to work we go!" responded  the Wabbit. "With a drill and a bit!" trilled Lapinette. "And a little dab of spit," yelled the Wabbit, jumping down from the vehicle. "Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho!" They laughed and laughed and pretended to lark and joke like work rabbits in a medieval play. "Any sign of the enemy?" whispered Lapinette. "No sign of anyone at all," said the Wabbit. "Suspicious," said Lapinette. "Very" said the Wabbit. "Well, they know the landlord's coming," said Lapinette. "That explains the silence," said the Wabbit. They glanced at each other then at Ledger's house. I don't like the look of the gutters," commented the Wabbit. "The previous operatives were hideously inept," frowned Lapinette. "Needs sorting," grumbled the Wabbit." Sooner the better," agreed Lapinette. "I'll climb the ladder first," said the Wabbit, "and inspect the window frames." "A ladder is a means of access and not a working platform," said Lapinette primly. "That's true," said the Wabbit, "and we forgot our special hats," "And the building site signs," said Lapinette. "And portable toilets," added the Wabbit  "How will we ever manage?" smiled Lapinette. "Self control!" grinned the Wabbit. 

4. The Wabbit and the Property Business

"Keep your paws away from the trigger guard, Ledger" said Skratch, Ledger fumbled with his weapon and Skratch frowned. "Now rack the slide. Don't point it at my elbow, I like it the way it is." "Is that Ledger's house in the woods?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette tapped the screen with her pointer. "It is," she said. "Now that's a big mansion," said the Wabbit. "Ledger has a large family and takes in orphans," said Lapinette. "How many entry points?" asked the Wabbit. "Five counting the skylight," replied Lapinette. "Here, here, here, here and here." Her pointer tapped a staccato rhythm on the screen  "Nice piece of real estate," commented the Wabbit, "and it's given me an idea." Lapinette waited to hear a bizarre scheme. "We're going to buy the Ledger Wood," said the Wabbit. Lapinette sighed a very long sigh indeed. "Ledger!" shouted the Wabbit. "Yes, Commander," trembled Ledger. "You will purchase the Ledger Woods using the Dinosaur Fund," "Won't that be expensive?" said Ledger. "Enormously," said the Wabbit, "but it's such a good investment." "Ledger nodded and the Wabbit smiled. "Then arrange your colour pencils to let the enemy know we branched into property - and remind them that changes are due for the Ledger Wood." "Changes? said Ledger? "I'm your new landlord," said the Wabbit, "and I'll be doing what landlords seldom do." Everyone stared. "Making repairs," said the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Interrogation

"Explain!" barked the Wabbit. "Ledger trembled. "Why did you inform on us, Ledger?" asked Lapinette quietly, and she touched him lightly with a paw. "They are holding my family hostage," he said. The Wabbit's fur stood on end and he had too many questions - but he let Ledger continue. "They're imprisoned in my home and if I don't post information, they will be harmed." The Wabbit's blood boiled. "Where is your home, Ledger?" he asked. "In the Ledger Woods," said Ledger. "That's the Accountancy Quarter," said Skratch, looking down at a map. "And the colour pencils?" asked the Wabbit. "Details of movements in and out of the Dinosaur Fund," said Ledger gravely. "No-one knows that exists," said Skratch. "Well they do now," said the Wabbit and he thought for a bit. "Look Ledger," he said. "You're seconded to this team. Now you're a double agent." Ledger looked terrified. "Everything comes though me," continued the Wabbit, "and everything goes out from me." Ledger nodded. "Skratch the Cat will teach you to deceive and dissemble," stated the Wabbit. "With pleasure," smiled Skratch. "So what's your plan?" asked Lapinette. "The usual," said the Wabbit. Lapinette raised an eye in query. "Sow confusion," he grinned.

2. The Wabbit and Covert Surveillance

Ledger, the Department Accountant wasn't hard to track and the Wabbit and his team took up position. The Wabbit had made an arrangement with the Ditta Gianduja - so he watched from the empty haberdasher's shop. Skratch and Lapinette walked casually along the street bearing shopping bags, then back again, while Big Blue Snail lurked near the market to follow Ledger should the need arise. Only a moment elapsed before Ledger appeared. He looked around furtively, then seeing only shoppers bearing purchases, pulled a mail pack from his fur and put his pencil case inside. Then he popped it into the letterbox. It was an unusually hot day for the time of year, but even so, Ledger looked too flustered. He kept feeling in his fur as if he wanted to make sure something was still there. "May I help you?" asked Skratch. "It's just the sun on my fur," said Ledger. "You seem to have something stuck in there," said Skratch. "Oh I can see why you're uncomfortable. You have a pencil case down your front." "I always keep a spare pencil case there," faltered Ledger. "Just drop it in my bag and I'll help you carry it to your office," purred Skratch. "I wouldn't impose," said Ledger. "I rather insist," smiled Skratch.