4. The Wabbit gets Rumbled

The Wabbit didn’t know what to do about being home when he ought to be on vacation.  He supposed that he would creep around until the bus went back to Rome and no-one would be any the wiser. But his worst fears were realised when he heard a familiar voice behind him. "Hey you!" It was the voice of Skratch the Cat Burglar. "Stop! We want a word with you!" he yelled.  The Wabbit cringed mightily and paused to think about all the explaining he would have to do and how embarrassing it was going to be. And then he did the first thing that came in to his head. He gave a weak smile and a little wave and started to hop quickly away. The Wabbit also knew it wasn’t going to end there because, as he hopped faster, Skratch started to chase him. "Imposter! Stop imposter!" cried Skatch. The Wabbit thought if he could make it to the river, he could hide until the crisis was over. Then he would double back round the block, rejoin the bus and return to Rome. But Skratch was relentless and he continued to shout. "Interloper! Fiend! You can’t go around pretending to be the Wabbit!" "I am the Wabbit," shouted the Wabbit feebly, but Skratch ignored him. "We’ll make you spill the beans, you fraud. You may as well give up! Surrender now and take your just deserts."  As the Wabbit started to lope, he knew he should really stop and explain. But something inside wouldn’t let him. It was the same something inside that wondered whether he enjoyed getting into these scrapes. "I’ll never go on a Mystery Tour again," thought the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit on the Mystery Bus

The Wabbit had only just settled back and started his puzzle magazine, when the coach took off at breakneck speed. Soon it was hurtling along the motorway, past cars and lorries and other coaches. It was so quick that the coach shook from side to side and the Wabbit found it hard to grip the carrot aperitivo that had mysteriously appeared on a small table beside him. Faster and faster went the coach. Trees and bridges and pylons and telegraph poles flashed past the window as it sped through tiny hamlets, then villages, then towns and finally the outskirts of several big cities. "Phew," thought the Wabbit. "This is more than I bargained for." The Wabbit soothed his neves by insisting to himself that this was indeed a mystery tour and mystery was the whole point. But he had an uncanny feeling that he wasn’t going anywhere scenic. Then the coach zoomed through industrial areas full of factories and depots and the Wabbit looked with interest at some areas of urban dereliction. "Mmm," said the Wabbit, "perhaps we're on an archaeological excursion," and he felt in his fur for his archaeological tool kit, which contained small instruments and brushes. But the Wabbit had left it in his other coat and he had to be content with a crack hammer and chisel which somehow had fallen out the tool roll. But the coach rolled on and on and it didn’t stop until it reached the centre of the city. The Wabbit looked out with horror. "Oh no, I’m home in Turin!”  he groaned.

2. The Wabbit boards the Mystery Tour

The Wabbit dragged his case across the coach park, muttering as he went. He had gone to Rome for his vacation but he thought it would be nice to see somewhere else. So he was duly cheered when he noticed a large touring bus looking for business. "Mystery Tour!" he said with delight. "and no chance of mishaps on anything so old-fashioned." The Wabbit looked all around and there didn't seem to be anyone else about. The coach park was deserted and devoid of any passengers whatsoever. "Tuesday is a quiet day," he thought. "The bus won’t be overbooked. Perhaps it will take me to the seaside or to a nice wood with a babbling brook." The Wabbit was calm for a moment as he thought a little longer and his head whirled with ideas about where the mystery bus would take him. "Maybe it will head for a fairy-tale castle or a grotto or caves in the mountains or a spa with bubbling healthy waters," he mused. The Wabbit was running out of ideas for his destination but he thought it would spoil the fun if he asked. So he scanned the bus again. It really was so very quiet that he found it puzzling, but the Wabbit decided to be positive. "I’ll have plenty of room to stretch my paws," he said to himself. “I’ll do some puzzles in La Settimana Enigmistica magazine and relax completely." The Wabbit hopped over to the newsagent and hopped back quickly but there was no need to rush because the bus was still quiet. So he hopped on board, paid for his ticket and settled back to enjoy his trip ...

1. The Wabbit thinks about a Vacation

"What shall we do now?" asked the Wabbit. "Whatever you want, it’s your vacation," said Lapinette. "I don’t like vacations," grumbled the Wabbit. "It’s not true, you love vacations," replied Lapinette. The Wabbit stamped his rear leg for a while and ground his teeth. "Well, every time I go on a vacation, something happens and it turns into an adventure," he said. "That doesn’t sound too awful," said Lapinette smiling. "Then there's the packing," said the Wabbit, "and I always forget something really important." "Like what?" asked Lapinette. "Like my miniature set of hex socket keys," said the Wabbit. "Why would you need them on vacation?" asked Lapinette. "On a previous holiday," murmured the Wabbit, "I was locked in a filing cabinet. If I hadn’t forgotten my keys I would have got out more quickly." Lapinette knew better than to ask how the Wabbit had become locked in a filing cabinet. "I suppose that was an adventure!" she said. "It was rather a good one in the end," said the Wabbit feeling quite cheered. "There was lots to read and I found out some interesting stuff." Lapinette inclined her head enquiringly. "Like an old manual about things you can build in a shed," said the Wabbit. Lapinette sighed with relief. "So can we go to the gallery now?" she asked.  "I’ve quite forgotten what’s on," smiled the Wabbit. "but the building is much more interesting than anything in it." "Do you remember you hopped into an exhibit in the Modern Art Museum and smashed it," said Lapinette. The Wabbit grinned. "No-one knew the difference anyway," he chortled.

The Wabbit and the Quiet Birthday

It was the Wabbit’s birthday and he crept out early for some peace and quiet. To fool everyone, he took Franco’s jeep instead of his own and he was merrily bowling along singing a favourite song, when his radio crackled. "Sweet Wabbit, Happy Birthday! Where are you?" said Lapinette. "Bowling merrily along," said the Wabbit. "Lovely," said Lapinette, "do have fun. Don’t forget your official function and to pick up your cloak from the laundry." The Wabbit’s ears stood on end and he felt in his fur for the ticket. For a moment all was quiet and the Wabbit sniffed the sea breeze. Suddenly another voice broke in. "Commander, someone’s stolen my jeep," said Franco. "I have it Franco," said the Wabbit. "That’s a relief on your birthday Sir," said Franco and he signed off. The Wabbit was just about to turn on his FM radio when the handset crackled again. "Wabbit, happy birthday," said Puma. "It’s about my adventures, I need to play a bigger role," "Later Puma," said the Wabbit and turned up the dial to hear Fabio Treves on Wablantis Radio. But the music stopped and another voice cut in. "Happy birthday," said Snail. “I was wondering whether you have my screwdriver kit." "In the shed," said the Wabbit and he turned Wablantis up higher. But his handset crackled yet again. "Woooooh!" said a ghostly voice. "Oh hello Ghost Bunny. What can I do for you?" "Enjoying your birthday?" asked Ghost Bunny. "Yes, I’m out for a quiet drive," said the Wabbit. "I made a radio request for you," said Ghost Bunny, "and they’re playing it now." The Wabbit turned the radio up full blast. It was BB King singing Happy Birthday Blues and the Wabbit grinned with all of his 28 teeth and sang along.

The Wabbit's after-adventure Discussion

The gang gathered at the Railway Arch Café and Snail was, as usual, the last to arrive. The Wabbit knew this had nothing to do with being slow. It was all about making an entrance. "How’s your belly off for slime?" he said to Snail, just to bring him down to earth. "Excellent," said Snail. "I see you’re whatever size is normal for you today." So the Wabbit gave up trying to get the better of Snail and asked everyone what sort of adventure they thought they'd had. "It was rather Low Budget," said Lapinette with a smile, because she thought that might annoy the Wabbit - and then she dug him in the ribs so that he knew to be annoyed. "That’s not of itself a genre," said the Wabbit. "It's more of an approach." Robot chimed in with an electronic yet resonant voice. "It was a low budget, science fiction remake with contemporary references," he said.  "Oh all that football stuff," said Snail.  "That football stuff as you call it, was perfect," said Robot. "And it was a reminder of the days when football was more than over-strategised set pieces executed by automatons." There was a long silence because everyone knew Robot was right. Lapinette changed the subject. "Wabbit you didn’t fulfil your part of the deal with the Swarm," she said. "Oh but I did," said the Wabbit. "The Swarm now has all the football data from 1871." "Just statistics?" asked Lapinette. "And damned lies," quoted the Wabbit gleefully.

6. The Wabbit and the Holodeck Suite

The Wabbit's hour of shrunkennness was up. Suddenly he found himself normalised but in a most unfamiliar location and looking directly at Robot. The Wabbit could say just one word. "Where?" he uttered in a voice that began as a squeak and ended as a roar. "Don't worry Wabbit. Have you got the data?" said Robot. "I certainly have and you've no idea what a pesky task it was," grumbled the Wabbit. Robot took the ceramic memory stack and inserted it into a port in his front. "So where is this?" said the Wabbit again in a more affable tone. "This is the Holodeck suite," replied Robot as if there had always been one. "How did it get here," asked the Wabbit. "I requisitioned it," said Robot. The Wabbit slapped a paw to his forehead. "Who signed?" he said simply. "Lapinette, Commander," "Oh good," said the Wabbit and he smiled and clapped his paws. "At least it wasn't me." Robot remained silent as he wrote data to his memory and then he nodded sagely. "Excellent data. Now I can begin work on the problem in hand." The Wabbit did not care to admit that he neither knew what the data was nor was he sure of the exact nature of the problem in hand. "Yes," he said, "that will sort the matter out entirely." "The Agents of Rabit will rue the day that I asked for this data," said Robot. "Of course," said the Wabbit and he looked all around. "Who's that woman?" he asked finally. "I really don't know," said Robot, "she came with the Holodeck." "Well, where did you get the Holodeck?" murmured the Wabbit." "e-Bay," said Robot.

5. The Wabbit and the Soccer Ball Virus

The Wabbit’s paw touched the Wabitron drive and made up a circuit with his ceramic stack memory card. He suddenly glowed bright green and electronic spheres flew hither and thither. The Wabbit called these spheres Score Kalm and they were a computer virus he had developed in his shed especially to fight the Agents of Rabit. But the spheres captivated the Swarm and it became quiet. So the Wabbit began a rhythmic chant, consisting entirely of football scores that the Swarm found soothing. "Accrington Stanley, one,"  he crooned and stopped for a while. The Swarm waited expectantly. "Hamilton Academicals, one," said the Wabbit calmly. The Swarm started to settle and as they did, the Wabbit's lost data began to write to his ceramic disk and he grinned. "Hertha Berlin, three," said the Wabbit in an ascending voice, then paused for a lengthy period. A small sigh rose from the Swarm. "Moscow Dynamo, two," he said gravely. More of the Swarm settled and their chips yielded an increasing amount of data to the Wabbit's memory card. "Red Star Belgrade, nil" announced the Wabbit and waited. The Swarm sank lower and all the creatures looked up. As the Swarm fluttered to the bottom of the computer, the Wabbit could see that he had nearly all the data he needed. "San Jose Earthquakes, nil," said the Wabbit sternly. The Swarm was completely inert. "And that was the end of World Football," announced the Wabbit. Tucking his ceramic memory card in his fur, he made for a nearby ventilation grille in the back of the computer and hopped quickly away. 

4. The Wabbit and the Wabitron Drive

The Wabbit backed away as the Swarm advanced. But from the corner of his eye he saw something appear at the back of the old computer. He knew the Swarm of chip creatures hadn’t noticed, because it was much to intent on menacing the Wabbit. So he waved a paw and spoke loudly. “Perhaps we can do a deal for the data?" he said. "The Swarm does no deals," said the largest of the Chip Creatures. “Everyone does deals," said the Wabbit. "It's really quite the thing."  “State your case then," said the creature. "Behind me," said the Wabbit waving his paw, "is the Wabitron 3000 vortex hyper drive, which you may access in exchange for giving me our lost data." "What’s in it for us?" asked several members of the Swarm. "All soccer data from 1871," lied the Wabbit, because he was making it up as he went along. "And there's all you could possibly require," he added. "Goals for and against, corners, direct and indirect free kicks, fouls and penalties." There was a murmuring of interest from the Swarm. "Why don’t we just take it and assimilate you anyway?" said the leader of the Swarm. "Because the Wabitron Drive isn’t backwards compatible," said the Wabbit thinking quickly. "So?" said the leader. "You chips will fry," said the Wabbit flippantly. “Exactly what data is it you want from us?" asked the leader. "That," said the Wabbit," is for you to know and me to find out." The Swarm gathered for a confused discussion and the Wabbit knew he had bought some time. So he fished inside his fur for a ceramic chip stack SD card from one of his experiments ...

3. The Wabbit and the Data Swarm

The Wabbit hopped inside the old computer and hadn't been there for more than a minute when he heard a sound that was midway between a droning and a humming. Without warning, yellow winged creatures poured like bats from a hidden corner and then flapped around. The Wabbit's well-known antipathy for winged things surfaced immediately and he hopped from one foot to another. "Oh why did it have to be winged things? Why not snakes for instance?" he appealed to no-one in particular. But the swarm was heading directly for the Wabbit with little respect for his sensibilities. "Produce your data now!" cried the lead creature. "I come in peace," said the Wabbit, quietly feeling under his fur for his automatic. "We are the Data Swarm, we need data," said the lead creature. "I seem to have left all my data in my other coat," said the Wabbit, patting his fur. "Give us data!" they cried and they hummed and droned loudly. The Wabbit spoke the first thing that came into his head. "Torino Football Club was promoted to Serie A after a 3 year absence," he said with a smile. "That's good data," said a creature at the rear and the winged ones droned for a while as they assimilated the new information. "I'm looking for lost data," ventured the Wabbit. "We take data, we don't give it away," snarled the chief creature. "Give me back my data!" yelled the Wabbit suddenly. "You will be assimilated along with all your soccer knowledge," threatened the creature. "You'll be rather disappointed" said the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit's quest for the Lost Data

The Wabbit got smaller and smaller and found himself in a strange place which appeared to be under the floor. "It's grubby down here," grumbled the Wabbit. The Wabbit grumbled if he didn’t understand things and he was apt to complain bitterly and at length to himself – because usually there was no one else nearby to listen to his complaints. He looked all around anyway and he couldn't help but notice a large box which, on inspection, was fairly recognisable. "It’s an old computer," said the Wabbit with distaste. He looked at it disparagingly because he knew that it was incapable of supporting one of his lists far less a sophisticated program like ListWrite Lite. "The lost data must be in there," he thought, "otherwise I wouldn’t be here." The Wabbit paused to agree with himself, which he very often did. But when he agreed with himself, his ears would tilt back and then suddenly forward in a manner that some found disturbing. So the Wabbit tried not to agree with himself too much in public. "I suppose I’ll have to examine the interior," thought the Wabbit, "and see if there’s any lost data lying around." The Wabbit fished around in his fur for a crosshead screwdriver that he had bought cheaply in a market near the Big White Hospital and poked the side of the computer. In the Wabbit's head there lurked an entertaining idea that he would find a compartment clearly marked Lost Data, just inside the casing. He would then quickly unbolt it and make off. "If only life could be like that," thought the Wabbit and he patiently set to work.

1. The Wabbit and the Fantastic Mission

The Wabbit was at his laptop attending to his lists - a task for which he had tried several systems. Usually he tried to have umpteen windows open and exchange items at will. But on this occasion he had decided to download a program called ListWrite Light. This had proved colourful yet less than helpful. He now had the exactly the same lists but they were prettier. "Grrr," thought the Wabbit and he jabbed furiously at the laptop keys and tried to uninstall the program. But just at that very moment the Snail Phone rang and the Wabbit grabbed it with a paw. "Oh, hello Snail," said the Wabbit brightly, muttering, "make it quick!" under his breath. "I heard you," said Snail. The Wabbit had forgotten that the Snail Phone was a sensitive device that could hear his thoughts and he silently cursed the new technology that he and Big Blue Snail had developed in a shed. "We cannot fly in the face of change," said Snail. "I suppose not," said the Wabbit, “so what’s new, what’s true?" "I'm relaying a secret message from the Department. Your mission is to retrieve some lost data and for that you must be miniaturised." "I’m a wabbit not a scale model," said the Wabbit. "Prepare to download the program," sighed Snail, "and I’ll be seeing you." The Wabbit's paws started to vibrate and he watched as his laptop got bigger and bigger. "It's not the laptop, it’s you," said Snail's voice from the phone. "I don’t want to be miniaturised," said the Wabbit. "It’s just for an hour," said Snail. "Not even for a second," yelled the Wabbit. "Honey I shrunk the Wabbit," smiled Snail and the line went dead.

The Wabbits make an Emergency Earthquake Appeal

"Many animals are suffering because of the earthquake in Emilia Romagna," said the Wabbit. "Please help by making a donation to ENPA, National Animal Protection," said Lovely Lapinette. "Here's the ENPA statement," said the Wabbit.

• L’Enpa (Ente nazionale protezione animali) e’ pronto a inviare verso l’Emilia-Romagna ‘Isotta’, il mezzo di soccorso per le gravi emergenze veterinarie. “Una missione a 360° per supportare con cibo, medicinali e sostegno psicologico gli animali coinvolti nel sisma, vedendo a fianco dei veterinari la presenza anche di comportamentisti, fondamentali per aiutare gli animali a superare il trauma causato da questo terribile terremoto.
• ENPA (National animal protection) is ready to send relief to the Emilia-Romagna Isolde for several veterinary agencies. It's a 360 ° mission to give food, medical and emotional support for animals involved in the earthquake. Being at the side of veterinary activists is essential in helping our animals to overcome the trauma caused by this terrible earthquake. 

If you need any help with Italian in the donation form, just talk to the Wabbit who is @followthewabbit on Twitter or at Facebook - click on the Facebook link at the top right of the page. Or you can speak with @LovelyLapinette on Twitter!

The Wabbit & the After Adventure Cafe

It was an exhilarating adventure and even though they had enjoyed it, they were glad to be back. Skratch the Cat Burglar crossed his legs and settled in his chair. "I'm almost afraid to ask what kind of adventure you had." "Surely not, Skratch!"said the Wabbit smiling. "You had us all a little worried," said Skratch, "especially when you didn't show up for the Carrot Club meeting." "Oh yes," said the Wabbit, "that'll take some explaining." They all chuckled because they knew the Wabbit seldom missed a meeting of the Carrot Club and when he did there was a lengthy inquest. "Well I think the adventure was mostly scientific," said Ghost Bunny, "with more than a touch of mysticism." "Science and magic don't mix," said Lapinette with a frown. "Quite right," said Skratch. "Genre is not to be treated in a flippant way for the purpose of idle entertainment." "Not so," said Ghost Bunny. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Skratch, than are dreamed of in your literary criticism classes." "Like ghosts," said the Wabbit. "Like ghosts," said Ghost Bunny and she paused for a minute. "In terms of quantum mechanics, the past isn't dead, it's not even past." she breathed. "That's William Faulkner," said Lapinette, "Pretty rich for a modernist," said Skratch. Lapinette looked at the Wabbit. "Wabbit you should never have sent Skratch to that night class." "I didn't," said the Wabbit. "I took him," said Ghost Bunny.

7. The Wabbit and the Surprising Return

"Ghost Bunny?" queried Lapinette. "We’re back," wailed Ghost Bunny. "Hello! Welcome home," shouted Skratch. "How did you know where to find us?" said Lapinette.  "I saw it in a dream," purred Skratch. "A small white rabbit with a big book appeared and advised me to go to the Motor Museum, where I would find something to my advantage." "That would be me," called the Wabbit.  Skratch watched the Wabbit carefully and addressed Lapinette. "The Wabbit’s to my advantage?" he asked. "I am," said the Wabbit. Skratch snorted but then he smiled and his tail quivered. "Where is he going?" said Lapinette to Ghost Bunny quietly. "I’m going to look over a Bugatti," said the Wabbit. "I think that trip went to his head," whispered Lapinette. "No, no," called the Wabbit and he climbed onwards. "It’s all in the book!” he muttered, but everyone heard him even though it was under his breath. "That book is all advanced mathematics," said Lapinette. "Indeed!" cried the Wabbit. "This is one of many possible worlds and in every possible world there’s always a Motor Museum." "He’s winding us up," said Skratch. "He does that," said Lapinette. "It’s his way," said Ghost Bunny fondly. "It would be nice if his way met our way from time to time," said Lapinette. "Then he wouldn’t be the Wabbit," said Skratch. "Come on everyone, there’s a great snack bar nearby," called the Wabbit. "His way just met my way," said Lapinette. "And mine," said Skratch. "I therefore suggest we follow the Wabbit," said Ghost Bunny. So they did.