3. The Wabbits protect their Guests

Lapinette and the Wabbit hopped quickly from the helichopper keeping their diplomats under close protection. Lapinette's radio suddenly burst into life. "Hello Trixie, the wranglers report that things are busy, have my nieces arrived?" "Hello Mother," said Lapinette, "yes, our guests are here for dinner and they came a long way." "Take their hats and come on in," said the radio, "the aperitivi are on the table." "What's that about your mother's aperitivo?" said the Wabbit. "It's code, Wabbit" said Lapinette. The Wabbit heard the slide on her automatic and he tightened his grip on the laser gun that he and Snail had made in a shed. "There are uninvited guests," whispered Lapinette. "Be on your guard!" Looking hastily from side to side  Lapinette and the Wabbit hurried Pink Bunny and Rettet Kaninchen across the courtyard. "What's that?" asked Pink Bunny pointing at the Wabbit's strange looking weapon. "Oh," said the Wabbit, "just something Snail and I invented." "Wer ist die Schnecke?" said Rettet Kaninchen? "Snail's a good friend," said the Wabbit. "Everything's ready for your top-level discussions." said Lapinette to the diplomats. "What's our accommodation like?" asked Pink Bunny. "Basic, I'm afraid," said Lapinette. "But if you need anything, just ask the Wabbit." The diplomats turned to the Wabbit. "Anything I can get you?" he smiled. "Carrot aperitivi," they chorused.
[Wranglers: radio signal analysts and cryptographers. Their name derives from Wrangler maths students.  MI6 slang from espionage novels by John Le Carre]

2. The Wabbits take to the Sky

Lapinette kicked the tyres and lit the fires. A helichopper clatter echoed noisily around the square as she lifted off for a top secret destination with her top-level diplomats safely on board. Then she hovered while the Wabbit spoke to Wabbit Command. "Requesting clearance Command, from Corso Svizzera heading SE 54, 2000 metres," said the Wabbit. The radio crackled. "Take off agreed. Proceed with caution. There are power lines and a cooling tower. At your own risk, Commander. Out" "Out," said the Wabbit and he turned to Lapinette. "Mind the cooling tower," smiled the Wabbit. "They always say that," said Lapinette. "Go over the tower and pick up some thermals," suggested the Wabbit, winking. "May we loop the loop?" asked Pink Bunny. "Flight rules Ma’am," said Lapinette. "Your diplomatic mission is of the utmost importance." "It’s urgently urgent," agreed the Wabbit. "Da ist die Gefahr?" asked Rettet Kaninchen. "Danger? Not for you," said the Wabbit. "You’re in safe paws."  The helichopper chattered deafeningly as Lapinette throttled up. The Wabbit cut communication to his diplomats and spoke privately to Lapinette. "Did you notice anything on the ground," he asked. "I saw him," said Lapinette, "he’s just a scout." "But now they know where we’re coming from," said the Wabbit. "I think everyone knows that now," said Lapinette over the noise, "Did you adjust the swash plates?" she asked. The Wabbit nodded and grinned. Lapinette pulled the stick and the helichopper soared near-vertically into the sky. "Bravo Zulu!" * laughed the Wabbit.

[Bravo Zulu: Aviator slang - praise for a good job]

1. The Wabbit takes care of his Guests

At a converted factory not far from the city centre, the Wabbit seated his special guests in a special vehicle. The vehicle was a surprise to Lapinette and she tried to catch the Wabbit's eye. "Wabbit," she whispered, "what's with the vehicle?"  "Vehicle?" said the Wabbit innnocently. "The one you're touching with your paw," said Lapinette. "Oh," said the Wabbit. "I found it it at the back of the Department." Lapinette looked sternly at the Wabbit. "Requisitioned it," said the Wabbit apologetically. "Did you sign for it?" said Lapinette in a threatening voice. "I did," said the Wabbit. "You're not cleared for experimental vehicles," said Lapinette. "No, but you are," said the Wabbit. Lapinette looked at the Wabbit in horror. "You signed my name?" she yelled. "In triplicate," said the Wabbit. Lapinette hopped from one foot to another. "That's is the procedure," said the Wabbit. Lapinette fell silent. "Well I hope you didn't have any trouble getting it here, it's hush hush!" she said finally. "No, apart from the minor business with the tram," muttered the Wabbit. Lapinette sighed. "I got stuck in the tram rails," said the Wabbit, waving a paw dismissively, "but I gave the driver some luncheon vouchers for making him late." "Do you know how it works?" asked Lapinette. "Not a clue," said the Wabbit, "you just tell it where to go." "Where are we going?" said Lapinette. "Well," said the Wabbit, "nowhere particularly fast."

The Wabbit Intermission Gnam-Gnam

Before their appeal, the Wabbit and Lapinette met in their favourite food store, together with special diplomatic invitees Rettet Kaninchen from Germany and Pink Bunny from the United States. "Did you order everything for the Intermission," asked Lapinette. "I did," said the Wabbit. "Carrot cake?" said Lapinette. "Check!" said the Wabbit. "Celery Glacé?" asked Lapinette. "Checkedy check!" said the Wabbit. "Everything in place?" said Lapinette. "Totally," said the Wabbit. "And you remember who are we appealing for?" said Lapinette. "Of course," said the Wabbit. "It's Pledge a Pound and PACT both in the UK." "And what do readers have to do?" coached Lapinette. "They have to click on the Internet clicky links," said the Wabbit. "Your so technical," said Lapinette. "I just can't help it," said the Wabbit. "What next?" asked Lapinette. "Readers have to dig plastic cards from their fur and do things with numbers," said the Wabbit. "Then what?" said Lapinette. "They have to think of a donation amount," said the Wabbit, "and double it." "Well, they can give what they like," admonished Lapinette, "because mony a mickle maks a muckle!"* "You speak my old language," said the Wabbit in astonishment. "I can't help it either," said Lapinette, "you talk it in your sleep!" "Das ist gut," said Rettet Kaninchen. "Excellent!" said Pink Bunny.
[*Scots: A lot of small amounts builds up to a large sum]

7. The Wabbit emerges Back

"Hello, hello," said Lapinette. "Ground control calling the Wabbit!" The Wabbit sat up with a jolt. "Where were you?" asked Lapinette. "I was in my deep unconscious," said the Wabbit. "Well, you certainly weren't here," said Lapinette. "What's in there anyway?" "Lots," said the Wabbit. "I phoned Snail from inside a washing machine and apparently I can sometimes be pompous. "Never!" said Lapinette disguising a smirk. "I learned I can be all sorts of things," said the Wabbit, "and that my unconscious is rather full." "Full of ... ?"  prompted Lapinette. "Electrical goods," said the Wabbit, "and there's an Agent of Rabit who lives there permanently and he won't leave." "I can't imagine why," smiled Lapinette, "but please continue." "Then I met Franco when I was a ferryman on a German police barge," said the Wabbit. Lapinette grinned at the thought. "Perhaps you were going to the Unterwelt, what was it like?" she asked with a straight face. "More pleasant than you might think," said the Wabbit with enthusiasm. "There were woods and a lake and a water witch who looked like Ghost Bunny. She brought us aperitivi and flew off on a giant carrot." "Your unconscious life is rather rich," commented Lapinette, who was beginning to get thirsty. "So is that where all your bad jokes come from?" she asked. "I forgot to mention that," said the Wabbit.

6. The Wabbit and the Water Witch

Still in their unconscious, the Wabbit and Franco hopped by the lakeside to see if they could find the Water Witch. Then, as they rounded a corner by some strange trees, they saw two carrot aperitivi laid out neatly on a tree trunk. "Look," said the Wabbit, "we may be the only creatures ever to get refreshments in our psyche." "The Water Witch provides for her own, Sir" said Franco, "you being a seafaring type." The Wabbit nodded vigorously and glancing upwards, he could have sworn he saw a witch sailing through the air on a most delicious carrot. "Well, the sun appears to be over the yardarm," he said "and so we should drink a toast." "Who shall we toast?" asked Franco. "Ourselves," said the Wabbit. "Ourselves and all our adventures together."  "Our adventures don't seem to stop, Sir!" said Franco. "They won't stop until we've reached our objectives, Franco," said the Wabbit. "That could be quite a while," mused Franco. "As long as it takes," said the Wabbit. Their heads bobbed in mutual agreement. "There's something very familiar about that Water Witch," said Franco suddenly. "I know," said the Wabbit, "it's almost as if our psyches are making it up as we go along." "That's gonzo for you," Sir," said Franco. "It's a stream of unconsciousness," laughed the Wabbit.

5. The Wabbit and the Barge

"Franco!" said the Wabbit. "Commander Sir!" said Franco. "Are you in my unconscious too?" said the Wabbit, "because it's getting rather crowded in here." "I suppose so Sir. I was wondering if you were in mine," said Franco. "Nice spot anyway," said the Wabbit. "Delightful Sir," said Franco and he stood at ease. "Are we perhaps on our way to to the Underworld?" he added and he gave the Wabbit the fondest of looks. "Why?" asked the Wabbit. "You're on a barge," said Franco. The Wabbit looked all around. "So I am. Maybe I'm the ferry wabbit," he said to Franco. "If you say so, Sir," replied Franco, "but it appears to be a German police launch." "Ich bin der Fährmann?" mused the Wabbit. Franco chuckled and tipped back his Alpini hat. "Then we may meet Frau Holden, the Water Witch," he said. "And she will will make us aperitivi?" suggested the Wabbit. "I believe she's quite benign and seldom cross," said Franco. "Oh, I like the sound of her. This place is definitely better than the inside of a washing machine," said the Wabbit. "Washing machine?" asked Franco. "You'll never believe who I met in there!" said the Wabbit. Franco waited because he knew the Wabbit was going to tell him. "A wicked Agent of Rabit," exclaimed the Wabbit. "Oh I see them in dreams all the time, Sir," said Franco. "What happens?" asked the Wabbit. "I eliminate them," said Franco.

4. The Wabbit and the Dark Archetype

Water streamed into the washing machine and sloshed around as the drum span faster. The Wabbit lost grip of his phone but when he looked for it, his fur stood on end at the sight of an unwelcome presence. "What are you doing in my unconscious?" he growled at what was clearly an Agent Of Rabit. "Get out at once!" he yelled indignantly. "I can't," said the Agent, "because I live here." "You can’t live here, rent free and uninvited," gasped the Wabbit. "I can’t leave because I’m part of you," said the wicked Agent. The water sloshed soap suds around and the Wabbit found himself upside down. "Your a fiendish fiend," gurgled the Wabbit. "You need to give me a chance," replied  the Agent. "I’ll give you justice!" shouted the Wabbit. "And who would make me dried bread*?" said the Agent. "I’ll bring a loaf to your cell every day!" shouted the Wabbit. "Then you would be a prisoner too," said the Agent. There was a long pause. All the Wabbit could hear was water. He fell silent as he thought, and as he thought he revolved. "How can you possibly be part of me?" he asked. "I'm your potential for wrongdoing," said the Agent, "don’t you recognise me?" Then he too revolved as the soapy suds washed over his feet. The Wabbit stared at the Agent of Rabit and the more he stared, the more he recognised. The Agent became fainter and fainter - until he was merely a lick of colour in the soapy water. "It’s a good thing I brought a towel," gurgled the Wabbit.

[*Russian saying: prepare for prison, exile]

3.The Wabbit and his Psyche

The washing machine drum started to tumble, and the Wabbit gripped his phone to communicate with his unconscious. "Hello, anyone there?" asked the Wabbit. He heard muffled sounds and a crackling, then suddenly a familiar voice boomed from the earphone. "Hello, who’s calling please?" "It’s the Wabbit and I know your voice - it’s Snail," said the Wabbit. "You’re very clear! You could be standing next to me," said Snail, "where are you calling from?" "I’m in my deep unconscious," said the Wabbit, "but what are you doing here?" "Nothing leaves the psyche," said Snail sagely. "If I’m in your unconscious, I must represent something important to you, Wabbit. Can you think what it is?" The Wabbit thought as the drum tumbled slowly. "Well, you’re stalwart and principled and I can always rely on you," he said. "That’s all very well," said Snail. "But can you think of anything negative?" The Wabbit thought hard for a small criticism that wouldn’t offend, but Snail seemed to know what he was thinking. "I won't take offence, Wabbit. I am merely a relational object amongst others in your psyche," he said soothingly. "OK," said the Wabbit. "you can be a bit pompous sometimes." "Pompous!"  said Snail. "How dare you! I think that rightly belongs to you." "I suppose," agreed the Wabbit and he thought again. "Snail, do you have a complaint about me?" "Yes," said Snail. "It’s your misplaced humour." "Ah!" smiled the Wabbit, "if I misplaced my humour, then it’s not lost and I’ll find it again soon." There was a long silence. "Do you see what I mean?" sighed Snail. 

2. The Wabbit explores his Unconscious

The Wabbit looked all around. Then he looked all around again. "How on earth did I get here?" mused the Wabbit. The Wabbit's reflection laughed and laughed. "You're in your unconscious," it said with enormous mirth. "My unconscious is full of gadgets and electrical goods?" queried the Wabbit. "You're a little weird," said his reflection, "but this will do fine for the time being." The Wabbit had a long think. "Why?" he asked finally. "Since you're on this floor, you obviously need to communicate," said his reflection. "Communicate to who?" said the Wabbit in amazement. "Now you sound like an owl," said his reflection. "Anyway, it's to whom. Whom is the object of the preposition." The Wabbit's unconscious whirled. "OK, I grant you the grammar, just answer the question," he said. "Communicate with yourself," said his reflection emphatically and it squinted at the Wabbit in the glare of the shop lights. "Do I need a phone for that?" said the Wabbit. "If it helps," said his reflection. "There's so much choice, so what colour should it be?" asked the Wabbit. "What's your mood?" asked his reflection. "Blue," said the Wabbit. "Then it's settled," said his reflection. "Now we can go deeper into your unconscious." The Wabbit looked down. "What's there?" he asked. "Washing machines," said his reflection. "Good clean out?" suggested the Wabbit. "And a spin dry," grinned his reflection.

1.The Wabbit and his Shadow

The Wabbit had been on the roof, thinking. And there were many things to think about. There were the wicked Agents of Rabit, who never left him in peace. There was his work for the Department. There were his leadership duties to his small band of willing helpers. Last but not least, there was the sausage question that had not been fully laid to rest. But that wasn't all - because of the list of things to do from more than a year ago. There had been so many additions! "Now the things that used to be at the end of my list are in the middle," sighed the Wabbit. The Wabbit stretched out a paw to his shadow on the staircase wall and touched it just for fun. "You're funny!" said his shadow. "I beg your pardon," said the Wabbit sharply. "Don't worry about your list, Wabbit." The Wabbit sat down on the stairs and looked at his shadow. "What exactly do you propose," he said with narrowed eyes. "What are you doing for fun?" asked the Wabbit's shadow. The Wabbit shrugged. "That's not a satisfactory reply," said his shadow. "You mean like playing unobtainable records from 1936?" suggested the Wabbit. His shadow started to laugh. "I mean exciting adventures," he said. "I can't always be having adventures," said the Wabbit. "Everything's an adventure," replied his shadow. "In that case, another will start in a minute," said the Wabbit, who was beginning to feel cheered. "Can I come?" asked his shadow with excitement. "Hard to get rid of you," chortled the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the Sausage Incident

"It was spontaneous combustion!" said the Wabbit, "just like you see on Discovery Channel." "You deliberately took a lighter out of your fur," said Lapinette. "I only intended to light a small paper napkin," said the Wabbit. "It was provocative" said Lapinette. "Well that's all in the past," said the Wabbit diplomatically and he flicked his lighter a few times. "Anyway, the demonstration was all your idea." he added very, very quietly. "Rabbit sausages should be forbidden, it's against nature," said Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded in agreement and pondered for a while. "Well, maybe you shouldn't have tipped the policeman's hat off," he murmured. "He shouted at me in an uncouth manner," said Lapinette. "What did he say?" asked the Wabbit as he looked down to dust charcoal from his fur. "That wabbits were nothing but trouble," said Lapinette, imitating a whiny voice. The Wabbit stifled a giggle, which he thought might be unwise under the circumstances. "What happened to the sausages anyway?" asked Lapinette. "They got cooked in the fire and a lot of customers came and ate them up," said the Wabbit ruefully. Lapinette slapped a paw to her head and groaned. "Look, the fire was very small and that nice fireman put it out with a single extinguisher," said the Wabbit.  "So how many lunches do you owe the emergency services now?" asked Lapinette. "Eleven," smiled the Wabbit,  "I'm a legend in their own lunchtime."

The Wabbit and the Many Maps

The Wabbit and Lapinette met to look at maps. The secret map of the Agents of Rabit contained a list of references to other maps, so Lapinette produced  her Big Map Box and emptied it on the table. “What about the original map?” enquired the Wabbit.  Lapinette pointed to her head. “I memorised it,” she exclaimed, “and then it was eaten.” “Oh,” said the Wabbit and he tried to think of what to say. “What did it taste like?” he asked finally. “I don’t know,” said Lapinette “I gave it to Big Blue Snail to eat. He said it was the most delicious map ever.” The Wabbit smiled and pored over the maps. “Greece, Germany, Ireland and ... Abu Dhabi,” he said with interest. “Abu Dhabi Agents of Rabit, “ sighed Lapinette.  “They certainly get around,” chuckled the Wabbit and he took some time to review all the locations on all of the maps. “I had one of these talking maps,” said the Wabbit suddenly. “Really, how did that work?” smiled Lapinette. “By satellite,” said the Wabbit. “You tell it where you want to go and it gives you  precise directions.”  “A GPS,”  said Lapinette. “I don’t know, it never worked for me,”  said the Wabbit. Lapinette looked questioningly and the Wabbit scowled. “Everywhere  I asked for,  it said, ”I’m as mystified as you.””

8. The Wabbit at the Zero Caffè

Lapinette was studying something very intently when the Wabbit arrived with his protégés in tow. "I present Mo and To, the MoTo Snails," said the Wabbit with pride. Lapinette assessed the Snails for quite some time. "How fast?" she asked eventually. "Oh around Mach 2," said the Wabbit in a matter-of-fact manner that suggested Mach 2 was routine for a snail.  "Wabbit!" shouted Lapinette. "Have you and Big Blue Snail been working in that shed again?" "We hired a garage," said the Wabbit innocently. Lapinette looked sternly at the Wabbit and then turned to the Snails. "Mo and To, are you quite happy with this turn of events?" she enquired softly. "Delighted," said Mo. "Critically delighted," said To. While Mo and To were wiggling their antennae in delight, the Wabbit seized the opportunity to ask what Lapinette was studying. "The Map," said Lapinette. "What map?" asked  To. "The locations of our wicked and vengeful enemies, the agents of Rabit," said Lapinette. To and Mo looked questioningly. "They would make sausages of us all," explained Lapinette.  "We’re against them!" shouted Mo. "Let's get 'em!" yelled To. "Now!" they cried in unison. Big Blue Snail shook his head. "I fear their youthful enthusiasm requires tempering by a mature and wise mind," he said. There was a thud as Lapinette slapped her menu on the table. "Well, I hope you’re not thinking of the Wabbit," she said.

7. The Wabbit and the Speed Trials

The Wabbit and friends crept out on a crisp, cold morning and scaled the heights of an old disused railway track that crossed the neighbourhood. Then the Wabbit produced a salvaged stop watch from his fur and set it to zero. "Start when I say go," said the Wabbit. But Mo and To had already gone. The Wabbit strained his eyes and he spotted a blue blur in the distance, getting steadily bigger. They were already on their way back! "Wow," thought the Wabbit to himself. "How fast were we?" breathed the Snails. "No-one knows," said the Wabbit, "because you left before I set my stop watch." "It felt fast," said To. "It was super fast!" said Mo. "It's unrecorded and doesn't count," said the Wabbit. Mo and To were properly crestfallen and the Wabbit took pity. "Think you can do it again?" smiled the Wabbit. Mo was already leaving but To quickly grabbed him back. "There will be a penalty for a false start," said the Wabbit. "What kind of a penalty?" asked Mo. The Wabbit hadn't really thought of a penalty but now he felt obliged to name one. So he thought and thought. "You have to go round again and it's added to your time," he said finally. "OK get ready, counting you down to zero," said the Wabbit. Both Mo and To gazed steadily at him.  "Zero," he said. There was an enormous rush of air and a loud crack as Mo and To left and arrived back.  "How were we?" said Mo and To. The Wabbit shook his stop watch free of broken glass. "You owe me a replacement," he grinned.