2. The Wabbit and the Torpedoes

"Skratch! I wasn't expecting you on board," said the Wabbit with the utmost surprise. "All hush hush," said Skratch. "The Department has made this mission part of my rehabilitation programme." "I didn't know it had one," said the Wabbit. "Oh yes," said Skratch. "I am officially in charge of getting stolen things back." "And how will you get these things back?" said the Wabbit. "Steal them," said Skratch. "I do hope you didn't steal that hat," said the Wabbit. "I borrowed it from the Weapon Engineer. I wanted to look right," said Skratch. "Well, if you want to get ahead get a hat," smiled the Wabbit. "So what's our ultimate destination Skratch?" "Hush, hush," said Skratch. "Will it take long?" asked the Wabbit. "Hush hush," said Skratch. "There's an echo in here," said the Wabbit with exasperation. "Echo in here?" said Skratch. The Wabbit chuckled for a while. "How do they propose to get us on shore, wherever it is?" he mused. "With these torpedoes," said Skratch. The Wabbit's fur raised somewhat. "They're going to fire us out of the submarine in torpedoes?" he asked. "One each. Boom, boom!" said Skratch. The Wabbit frowned. "Of course not Wabbit, we just have to swim out through the tubes," laughed Skratch. "I want a hat," sulked the Wabbit.

1. The Wabbit goes to Sea

It was cold on the beach despite the sun and blue sky. The Wabbit shivered and listened to the chatter of Lapinette's helichopper engines fade. Before long he could hear the muffled sound of another set of engines and a submarine suddenly surfaced in what the Wabbit thought had been shallow waters. As usual, the Wabbit had only the barest of clues about his new mission. "You'll be briefed on the journey," Lapinette had told him. The Wabbit thought that was all very well, but he knew the journey would have been more comfortable by car. He barely tolerated submarines, because he couldn't look out from the bridge and shout instructions into a telephone. But the journey was to be conducted under the heaviest secrecy and no shouting was allowed. He would have to put up with it. So the Wabbit hopped into his small boat and made his way out. "Permission to board," called the Wabbit, saluting the ensign. "Come aboard Sir," said the Captain. Where submarines were concerned, the Wabbit always worried that things might break off, so he dealt with that first. "Angles and dangles, when you're ready," he chirped. "They don't like such manoeuvres in these waters, Sir," said the Captain. "They'll never know," said the Wabbit, "Crash dive when there's room." "Trim party," shouted the Captain to the crew. "Party already? Mine's an aperitivo," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit's Drama Adventure Caffe

The Wabbit and Lapinette waited patiently for Skratch the Cat Burglar and Robot to join them. "What you both so long?" enquired Lapinette. "We were signing autographs at the stage door," said Skratch. "You predicted a riot," said Lapinette, turning to the Wabbit. "In the old days we would have had to scurry out of town before the trouble started," nodded the Wabbit knowledgeably. "What on earth for?" said Lapinette. "Having seen the play," said the Wabbit, "the apprentices would riot against social injustice and demand cheaper carrots."  "I think I can hear them now," said Lapinette and she twitched her ears. Everyone looked round and round then laughed. "Nice flowers," said the Wabbit. "Where did they come from?" "An unknown admirer," said Lapinette. "The Duck of Milan?" smiled the Wabbit. "Wabbit, they came from Giuliano Pisapia, and it's the Mayor these days, not a Duke," said Lapinette. "Oooh, where's my flowers?" asked the Wabbit. "You can have these," said Lapinette. "No, I'd give all my fame for a pot of aperitivo," said the Wabbit. "What about you Skratch?" "Latte caldo of course," said Skratch. "What's your poison?" asked the Wabbit of Robot who was making a grating sound. "Rubbing alcohol and cotton buds," said Robot.

6. The Wabbit takes a Bow

"How strange or odd some'er I bear myself, as I perchance hereafter shall think meet. To put an antic disposition on!" said the Wabbit sighing with relief to be at the end of his play. "I thought his lines were most trippingly spoken, the most antic of us all," said Lapinette pointing at Skratch. Skratch waved at the audience and smiled a broad grin. "When words are scarce they're hardly spent in vain and even though a cat, I had my day" said Skratch. "And I could smile and smile and be a villain," droned Robot. "But what occurs?" said the Wabbit. "The page is female, not a boy. She wore her gender in the fashion of a hat and all were fooled." "I was not fooled," said Robot, "but didst play along for fun and interest." "And now we must strip off the motley which we donned in jest and to our offstage lives return," said the Wabbit. "Doubtless, thou meanest to a hostelry repair for sustenance and aperitivi?" asked Lapinette. "I certainty doest," said the Wabbit. "Then let us not stand on the order of our going and proceed forthwith," said Skratch. So they all bowed low to the audience several times and exited the stage to much applause - and there were no catcalls whatsoever.

5. The Wabbit and Leonardo's Tank

[The friends have taken the Inquisitor inside Leonardo's Cat's invention] " See thou," said the Wabbit, pointing around. "This is but a simple device composed of cogs and wheels. There is no sorcery here." "Just science as hard and cold as the forged metal of these blades," said Leonardo's Cat. Lapinette looked up through the tank's lookout hatch. "But soft," she said, "what light through yonder turret breaks? It speaks and says yet nothing." "Then like the light, we will say nothing of the matter," said the Inquisitor and clapped his hands. "Inquisitor, there is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so," said the Wabbit. "Then I find that this is good," said the Inquisitor. "Yet my thoughts are whirled like a potter's wheel; I know not where I am nor what I do. Does this house move?" "In any direction," said Leonardo's Cat. "if the screws be turned." "Then let us turn them and a new direction find," said the Inquisitor. "'Tis best 'tis we who turn the screws and that our paws do hardly suffer in their turning," said the Wabbit, glancing shrewdly at the Inquisitor. The Inquisitor nodded gracefully enough - and turned to look somewhat cautiously at Leonardo's Cat. Lapinette clapped her paws in applause. "All's well that ends well," she said with a smile.

4. The Wabbit and the Inquisition

[The scene is Leonardo's Cat's house where he is displaying his tank-like military invention to his new friends. Suddenly from stage left, Robot's electronic voice booms out.] "I am the Inquisition. You will be exterminated!" "Excommunicated," hissed the Wabbit. "You will be excommunicated," said Robot, "for sorcery." "But he is no sorcerer," said the Wabbit. "He is but a friendly fool who knows not his own mind yet plays with it as a cat plays with a ball of wool." "He has built a magic house the like of which has not been seen," said Robot, "and we will have none of it." Just at that very moment, Lapinette emerged from Leonardo's Cat's tank. "Oh what a splendid place to meeteth and greeteth," said Lapinette. "I will inform my master so and he will order three score. "And who is your master, youthful page?" asked Robot. "Lodovico Sforza," said Lapinette. "The Duke of Milan," said the Wabbit. "We play skittles together then indulge in a game of primero with biscottini thereafter." "And that is what this tank is for," said Lapinette. "It's for knocking down skittles from afar." "Though this be madness yet there's method in't" said Robot but he was interrupted by a yowling from above. "O, what a rogue and peasant slave am I," meaowed Leonardo's Cat, "see how the Cat doth caper." And with that he screeched and frantically waved his paws. "What a caterwauling do you keep here?" asked Robot. "Now there's a cat that really is gone," said the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit & Leonardo's Flying Machine

Lapinette flung her legs akimbo and threw her hat in the air. "Wheee!" she cried as they took off from the top of a building. "Lo, we doth bestride the narrow world," yelled Leonardo's Cat. "What dost this lever?" asked the Wabbit, who was poking around. "It takes us up or down," said Leonardo's Cat. "Oh does it really?" said the Wabbit with enthusiasm and he pulled it. The plane soared high by the rooftops and soon people on the ground looked like tiny models. "What other inventions dost thou have under thy hat?" said the Wabbit. "Nothing much," said Leonardo's Cat. "Well, what?" asked the Wabbit. "A heli-chopper, a tank, a submarine, a steam powered cannon, a hydraulic pump and a thing for taking boy scouts out of horses hooves," said Leonardo's Cat. "Gadzooks!" said the Wabbit. "What do you do with them all?" "I test them," said Leonardo's Cat. "I boasteth not and make my notes in Latin so the Inquisition pays no heed." "What do people say?" said the Wabbit, as he looked down at the small figures below. "They laugh like drains," said Leonardo's cat, "which suits my purpose well." "What then is your purpose?" said the Wabbit. "To have a lot of fun," said Leonardo's Cat. The Wabbit pulled the lever one more time. "Wheeee!" cried Lapinette as the plane shot in the air.

2. The Wabbit and Leonardo's Cat

"Look!" said Lapinette. "There's Leonardo's Cat, who carries on his master's work using old notes." "What it that flying contraption?" said the Wabbit under his breath. "It is a flying bird," said Leonardo's cat, who's hearing was sharp. "I oft observed these winged demons go about the tormentation of my species and so made my own." "That they should torment you further?" asked the Wabbit. "No! So that I could pursue them farther," said the Cat. The Wabbit whispered to Lapinette. "Let's ask him if he has a larger one with levers and pulleys." "I wish you would address me here, and I will answer you directly," said Leonardo's Cat. "I have a larger version and I did labour long and hard in its creation." "No rude mechanical you, that sports an asses head!" said the Wabbit and ruffled his ruffle. Lapinette span around and slapped her thigh twice. "Let us stout men repair to your abode and make merry with your bird machine." she said. "It's not finished," said Leonardo's Cat. "We may assist you complete your arduous task," suggested the Wabbit. "Then I will lead the way," said Leonardo's Cat." "Oh, let's go paw in paw, not one before another," said Lapinette. And so they did.

1. The Wabbit: Waiting for Leonardo

[Hush! Here comes the Wabbit and he is late for Leonardo. He spies what he thinks is a comely young man and enquires of him the situation.] "Young page, passes Leonardo da Vinci this way perchance?" said the Wabbit. Lapinette waved her hat across her face and quietly murmured. "Good Sir. Leonardo oft times passed, but now more often not, since he has passed his last." The Wabbit looked at the young man and there was surely something familiar about this page. "I have some time, and I will wait," shrugged the Wabbit. "Then you may wait some time," laughed Lapinette and slapped her side. "What is time but our perception of its passing?" said the Wabbit sagely. "Time with some fool hangs heavy as an iron coat," said Lapinette, "to be worn for a lifetime's duration." "Yet time with you is fleeting," said the Wabbit who was enjoying the company of the young page. "Then lets us wait together," said Lapinette, "and note what happens." "It's as if this is a stage and we are merely players, waiting to deliver our lines," said the Wabbit. Lapinette hopped forward and doffed her cap. "But the play's the thing," she said.

The Wabbit and the Better Adventure Café

The Wabbit listened as Lapinette regaled him about what a nice café she had found. She was saying that not many people knew of it, when the Wabbit saw a waiter approaching. "Commander, how nice to see you!" said the waiter. "Oh, hello," said the Wabbit quietly. "Wabbit Special as usual?" asked the waiter. "Make it two," said the Wabbit diplomatically. Lapinette looked at the Wabbit as their aperitivi arrived and she draped herself across a chair. "I'm forced to come here from time to time," said the Wabbit apologetically. "And forced to drink carrot aperitivo from a wine glass?" said Lapinette sternly. "I fly in the face of convention," said the Wabbit. "You daredevil," laughed Lapinette. "What kind of adventure was that anyway?" she said. "Oh merely a star vehicle," said the Wabbit. "because there was little tension but lots of colour and interest." "Who was the star?" asked Lapinette coyly. "Oh you, without a doubt," said the Wabbit, who was anxious to make amends for knowing the café. "What did you put in the Skuttle's wine?" asked Lapinette. "Nitro," replied the Wabbit. "Oh, nitrous oxide," said Lapinette with a giggle. "No, it was nitroglycerin." said the Wabbit. "Crumbs!" said Lapinette and she picked up her glass and sniffed it. "Another cocktail of my own," said the Wabbit. "What's in it?" said Lapinette. "Nitro," said the Wabbit. Lapinette tasted it. "Delicious," she said.

8. The Wabbit and the duff Jukebox

The Wabbit was disgruntled. "What's this for a sort of restaurant?" he asked Lapinette. "It's what was open," said Lapinette, "but there's no-one here." "I'm not entirely surprised," said the Wabbit. For a while he hopped around looking for a waiter. "Hello hello!" he cried," but there was simply no answer. "Perhaps they've all gone for a break," said Lapinette. "Hmmph," said the Wabbit, "what's on the juke box?" Lapinette had a good long look. "Nothing you'd like," she said. "There must be something," said the Wabbit. "I don't think so!" said Lapinette sharply. "Try me," said the Wabbit. "Una Paloma Blanca?" suggested Lapinette. "Yikes!" said the Wabbit and his fur stood on end. Lapinette studied the play list again. "Vamos a la Playa perhaps?" she asked. "Baila baila ho!" groaned the Wabbit and slapped his head with a paw. "Tie me Kangaroo Down by Rolf Harris, Cha Cha Cha version," said Lapinette. "I don't think I have any C4 explosive left," said the Wabbit. "Found one!" said Lapinette. "Lets have it," said the Wabbit. "It's Charlie Drake," announced Lapinette as she dropped an emergency coin into the slot. "Oom yacka wurka. Oom yacka wurka," chanted the Wabbit and he beat his paws on the table to the music. "Lets get out of here," said Lapinette, "I know somewhere else." "I'm a big disgrace t' the Waborigine race," sang the Wabbit. "Your boomerang won't come back!" sighed Lapinette as she dragged the Wabbit away.

7. The Wabbit throws out a Line

The Wabbit fastened his rope to the castle battlements and suddenly disappeared. Lapinette looked over the edge. "Over here," shouted the Wabbit and he pulled the rope taut. "Just slide down," he called. Lapinette shook her ears. "Just slide down," she muttered. She grasped the rope firmly, swung her legs over the wall and pushed herself off. For a minute she just hung there, swinging backwards and forwards. "What are you doing?" shouted the Wabbit. "It's a great view," Lapinette called out. "This isn't the Big Wheel," shouted the Wabbit. "Here I come!" yelled Lapinette. The Wabbit heard a whizzing sound and a yodelling as Lapinette zipped down the rope with enormous speed and made a perfect landing. "Where did you learn that?" said the Wabbit. "The Alps," said Lapinette. The Wabbit rubbed his fingers, which were stinging, and flicked the rope. It came tumbling down the battlements to the courtyard where the Wabbit pounced on it and coiled it up. "What did you fasten it with?" asked Lapinette. " Duck tape," said the Wabbit. Lapinette covered her eyes with her paws. "Works every time," said the Wabbit and he stuck a bit of tape to the rough castle wall. The duck tape peeled off and fell to the ground. "Nearly every time," said the Wabbit.

6. The Wabbit scales the Heights

The castle was dim in the moonless night as the Wabbit climbed to the roof. "Hard work, hard work" puffed the Wabbit as he reached the top and put his rope down. He was just thinking about a short rest when he heard a sharp whack. The Wabbit dodged as a Skuttle whizzed past his head. He peered over the roof and saw Lapinette's foot blur. With a piercing squeal, another Skuttle somersaulted to the courtyard below. "Something in the air tonight?" quipped the Wabbit and he sat back for a better view.  Lapinette jumped and quickly disposed of smaller Skuttle. "Relax your paw a bit and let it go heavy," advised the Wabbit and studied a book that he kept in his fur. Lapinette kicked one more Skuttle and pushed yet another from the roof.  "Shall I make you a salad sandwich?" asked Lapinette with sarcasm as she whirled around. "I only just had a snack," said the Wabbit in a matter-of-fact voice. "Do you need a helping paw?" "Oh, I'm quite happy," said Lapinette, "but where are the other Skuttles?" "Having a signature cocktail," replied the Wabbit. Suddenly there was a boom and the whole castle shuddered. Lapinette stamped on the last Skuttle and turned questioningly to the Wabbit. "Indigestion?" said the Wabbit.

5. The Wabbit Looks On

Skratch, the Wabbit and Robot started to call out to the Skuttles and their voices echoed through the dank corridors of the castle. "We're drinking ripe red wine," shouted the Wabbit. "Barbera d'Asti 2003," yelled Skratch. "And we're eating biscuits and cheese," droned Robot electronically. "Lovely biscuits to dip in the wine," shouted the Wabbit. "The delicious and tasty red wine," sighed Skratch. Then they waited silently on the ledge above the passage. They waited for quite a while. "Do you think they heard us?" asked Skratch. "Shhh," said the Wabbit. Then suddenly and without warning, the Skuttles came tumbling round the corner of the passageway and headed in the direction of the cellar. They bounced from the walls and whirled around and sang in a low musical tone. "Red red wine, red red wine," was all the Wabbit could hear and the sound got louder and louder until the passage boomed and shook. The scampering of Skuttle feet began to drown out everything else as they kept coming and coming. More and more creatures piled down the slope to the cellar and they tripped and fell over each other until the passage was a yellow carpet of Skuttles. The Wabbit clapped his paws with glee and turned to Robot. "What was that about biscuits?" he asked. "I made that up," said Robot. The Wabbit's stomach rumbled. "Now I'm hungry," said the Wabbit.

4. The Wabbit prepares a Surprise

Following Ghost Bunny's report, the Wabbit was taking no chances. Together with Skratch and Robot, and a vast amount of equipment, he crept into a secret cellar in the bowels of the strange Castle. "What wine did you get, Skratch?" asked the Wabbit. "Barbera d'Asti, of course," said Skratch. "What year?" said the Wabbit. "2003," said Skratch. "Skuttles like their wine and we'll make sure they know its a good one," said the Wabbit, "so they rush headlong into our trap!" "They just like to knock it back" said Skratch. "Let's not underestimate our enemy," said the Wabbit. "You brought enough munitions to blow up the castle," said Skratch. "Hardly," said the Wabbit." "Don't blow up the castle, Wabbit. It's only a diversion." yelled Skratch. "How thick are the walls, Robot?" asked the Wabbit. "Eight metres," said Robot. "The walls will easily withstand the blast but I cannot vouch for Skuttles." "Hah!" said the Wabbit, "while the Skuttles rush to drink the wine, we shall extract Lapinette and then ..."  "I heard that the Skuttles could survive a nuclear explosion," interrupted Skratch. "They won't survive what I put in the wine," said the Wabbit. "Wabbit, what did you put in the wine?" groaned Skratch. "A little cocktail of my own. Odourless and lethal." said the Wabbit. "What is it?" asked Skratch "It's a Born Secret," smiled the Wabbit.