The Wabbit and the Better Adventure Café

The Wabbit listened as Lapinette regaled him about what a nice café she had found. She was saying that not many people knew of it, when the Wabbit saw a waiter approaching. "Commander, how nice to see you!" said the waiter. "Oh, hello," said the Wabbit quietly. "Wabbit Special as usual?" asked the waiter. "Make it two," said the Wabbit diplomatically. Lapinette looked at the Wabbit as their aperitivi arrived and she draped herself across a chair. "I'm forced to come here from time to time," said the Wabbit apologetically. "And forced to drink carrot aperitivo from a wine glass?" said Lapinette sternly. "I fly in the face of convention," said the Wabbit. "You daredevil," laughed Lapinette. "What kind of adventure was that anyway?" she said. "Oh merely a star vehicle," said the Wabbit. "because there was little tension but lots of colour and interest." "Who was the star?" asked Lapinette coyly. "Oh you, without a doubt," said the Wabbit, who was anxious to make amends for knowing the café. "What did you put in the Skuttle's wine?" asked Lapinette. "Nitro," replied the Wabbit. "Oh, nitrous oxide," said Lapinette with a giggle. "No, it was nitroglycerin." said the Wabbit. "Crumbs!" said Lapinette and she picked up her glass and sniffed it. "Another cocktail of my own," said the Wabbit. "What's in it?" said Lapinette. "Nitro," said the Wabbit. Lapinette tasted it. "Delicious," she said.

8. The Wabbit and the duff Jukebox

The Wabbit was disgruntled. "What's this for a sort of restaurant?" he asked Lapinette. "It's what was open," said Lapinette, "but there's no-one here." "I'm not entirely surprised," said the Wabbit. For a while he hopped around looking for a waiter. "Hello hello!" he cried," but there was simply no answer. "Perhaps they've all gone for a break," said Lapinette. "Hmmph," said the Wabbit, "what's on the juke box?" Lapinette had a good long look. "Nothing you'd like," she said. "There must be something," said the Wabbit. "I don't think so!" said Lapinette sharply. "Try me," said the Wabbit. "Una Paloma Blanca?" suggested Lapinette. "Yikes!" said the Wabbit and his fur stood on end. Lapinette studied the play list again. "Vamos a la Playa perhaps?" she asked. "Baila baila ho!" groaned the Wabbit and slapped his head with a paw. "Tie me Kangaroo Down by Rolf Harris, Cha Cha Cha version," said Lapinette. "I don't think I have any C4 explosive left," said the Wabbit. "Found one!" said Lapinette. "Lets have it," said the Wabbit. "It's Charlie Drake," announced Lapinette as she dropped an emergency coin into the slot. "Oom yacka wurka. Oom yacka wurka," chanted the Wabbit and he beat his paws on the table to the music. "Lets get out of here," said Lapinette, "I know somewhere else." "I'm a big disgrace t' the Waborigine race," sang the Wabbit. "Your boomerang won't come back!" sighed Lapinette as she dragged the Wabbit away.

7. The Wabbit throws out a Line

The Wabbit fastened his rope to the castle battlements and suddenly disappeared. Lapinette looked over the edge. "Over here," shouted the Wabbit and he pulled the rope taut. "Just slide down," he called. Lapinette shook her ears. "Just slide down," she muttered. She grasped the rope firmly, swung her legs over the wall and pushed herself off. For a minute she just hung there, swinging backwards and forwards. "What are you doing?" shouted the Wabbit. "It's a great view," Lapinette called out. "This isn't the Big Wheel," shouted the Wabbit. "Here I come!" yelled Lapinette. The Wabbit heard a whizzing sound and a yodelling as Lapinette zipped down the rope with enormous speed and made a perfect landing. "Where did you learn that?" said the Wabbit. "The Alps," said Lapinette. The Wabbit rubbed his fingers, which were stinging, and flicked the rope. It came tumbling down the battlements to the courtyard where the Wabbit pounced on it and coiled it up. "What did you fasten it with?" asked Lapinette. " Duck tape," said the Wabbit. Lapinette covered her eyes with her paws. "Works every time," said the Wabbit and he stuck a bit of tape to the rough castle wall. The duck tape peeled off and fell to the ground. "Nearly every time," said the Wabbit.

6. The Wabbit scales the Heights

The castle was dim in the moonless night as the Wabbit climbed to the roof. "Hard work, hard work" puffed the Wabbit as he reached the top and put his rope down. He was just thinking about a short rest when he heard a sharp whack. The Wabbit dodged as a Skuttle whizzed past his head. He peered over the roof and saw Lapinette's foot blur. With a piercing squeal, another Skuttle somersaulted to the courtyard below. "Something in the air tonight?" quipped the Wabbit and he sat back for a better view.  Lapinette jumped and quickly disposed of smaller Skuttle. "Relax your paw a bit and let it go heavy," advised the Wabbit and studied a book that he kept in his fur. Lapinette kicked one more Skuttle and pushed yet another from the roof.  "Shall I make you a salad sandwich?" asked Lapinette with sarcasm as she whirled around. "I only just had a snack," said the Wabbit in a matter-of-fact voice. "Do you need a helping paw?" "Oh, I'm quite happy," said Lapinette, "but where are the other Skuttles?" "Having a signature cocktail," replied the Wabbit. Suddenly there was a boom and the whole castle shuddered. Lapinette stamped on the last Skuttle and turned questioningly to the Wabbit. "Indigestion?" said the Wabbit.

5. The Wabbit Looks On

Skratch, the Wabbit and Robot started to call out to the Skuttles and their voices echoed through the dank corridors of the castle. "We're drinking ripe red wine," shouted the Wabbit. "Barbera d'Asti 2003," yelled Skratch. "And we're eating biscuits and cheese," droned Robot electronically. "Lovely biscuits to dip in the wine," shouted the Wabbit. "The delicious and tasty red wine," sighed Skratch. Then they waited silently on the ledge above the passage. They waited for quite a while. "Do you think they heard us?" asked Skratch. "Shhh," said the Wabbit. Then suddenly and without warning, the Skuttles came tumbling round the corner of the passageway and headed in the direction of the cellar. They bounced from the walls and whirled around and sang in a low musical tone. "Red red wine, red red wine," was all the Wabbit could hear and the sound got louder and louder until the passage boomed and shook. The scampering of Skuttle feet began to drown out everything else as they kept coming and coming. More and more creatures piled down the slope to the cellar and they tripped and fell over each other until the passage was a yellow carpet of Skuttles. The Wabbit clapped his paws with glee and turned to Robot. "What was that about biscuits?" he asked. "I made that up," said Robot. The Wabbit's stomach rumbled. "Now I'm hungry," said the Wabbit.

4. The Wabbit prepares a Surprise

Following Ghost Bunny's report, the Wabbit was taking no chances. Together with Skratch and Robot, and a vast amount of equipment, he crept into a secret cellar in the bowels of the strange Castle. "What wine did you get, Skratch?" asked the Wabbit. "Barbera d'Asti, of course," said Skratch. "What year?" said the Wabbit. "2003," said Skratch. "Skuttles like their wine and we'll make sure they know its a good one," said the Wabbit, "so they rush headlong into our trap!" "They just like to knock it back" said Skratch. "Let's not underestimate our enemy," said the Wabbit. "You brought enough munitions to blow up the castle," said Skratch. "Hardly," said the Wabbit." "Don't blow up the castle, Wabbit. It's only a diversion." yelled Skratch. "How thick are the walls, Robot?" asked the Wabbit. "Eight metres," said Robot. "The walls will easily withstand the blast but I cannot vouch for Skuttles." "Hah!" said the Wabbit, "while the Skuttles rush to drink the wine, we shall extract Lapinette and then ..."  "I heard that the Skuttles could survive a nuclear explosion," interrupted Skratch. "They won't survive what I put in the wine," said the Wabbit. "Wabbit, what did you put in the wine?" groaned Skratch. "A little cocktail of my own. Odourless and lethal." said the Wabbit. "What is it?" asked Skratch "It's a Born Secret," smiled the Wabbit.

3. Lovely Lapinette and the Castle

Ghost Bunny flew across the city with the Wabbits instructions in mind. She hadn't long expanded her square search pattern when she saw something interesting. "Investigating red light to my port side," she mused in a nautical terminology she had learned from the Wabbit.  Down by the river she saw a strange castle and at the top of the castle she noticed a figure aiming a red laser beam high into the sky. Ghost Bunny circled cautiously. It was definitely Lapinette, but below her there were scores of Skuttle guards drinking red wine. Ghost Bunny listened carefully to their chanting, "Red red wine, make us feel so fine, monkey pack him rizla pon de sweet dep line," they sang and wobbled unsteadily. Ghost Bunny, who had been introduced to reggae by the Wabbit, smiled craftily because she knew the Skuttles were very near to complete collapse. She soared straight down the laser beam to a waiting Lapinette. "That didn't take long," said Lapinette. "The Wabbit initiated a square search pattern,". said Ghost Bunny. "Did he talk about port and starboard?" asked Lapinette. "At length," said Ghost Bunny, Lapinette smiled. "It  worked," she said. "How shall we extract you?" asked Ghost Bunny. "I have a plan," said Lapinette," so pin back your ears and listen." Ghost Bunny listened attentively until Lapinette had finished. "I see," said Ghost Bunny, "it's all about wine and trickery."

2. The Wabbit gather his Forces

The friends gathered in a street by the market for a briefing by the Wabbit. "OK, listen up," he shouted. "What do we know about Skuttles?" "They like copious quantities of wine," said Snail. "They sing when drunk, but otherwise chatter menacingly," added Ghost Bunny. "What do you know, Wabbit?" asked Skratch. "Well," said the Wabbit. "They're unpredictable." "Not much then," said Skratch. The Wabbit rattled the gun he and Snail built in a shed. "I know Lapinette," said the Wabbit. "She will let us know where she is." "How?" said Puma. "She will leave a trail or make a sign," said the Wabbit. "Puma, prowl around and sniff out trails and signs. Skratch, hit the streets for information." "What about me?" asked Robot. "Compute all likely events and make a list." said the Wabbit. "Instantly!" said Robot. "Snail,  no-one ever sees you for some reason. So spy around," said the Wabbit. "Truly excellent," said Snail and waved his antennae. "Ghost Bunny," said the Wabbit, "Conduct an expanded square search. Downwind one mile, alter 90 degrees starboard, go one mile and repeat, adding a mile each time" "Lapinette isn't lost at sea, Commander," said Franco. "Same principle," said the Wabbit. "And what about Franco?" asked Ghost Bunny. "He will coordinate and I will co-ordinate Franco." replied the Wabbit. "So why do you need the gun?" said Skratch. "I like it," said the Wabbit.

1. The Wabbit and an Unexpected Incident

"Say it with flowers," said the Wabbit to himself as he passed the flower kiosk. He had decided that Lapinette would appreciate some seasonal blooms and he studied all the plants and flowers with interest. "I wish I knew more about botany," he murmured. The Wabbit tended to choose flowers by colours and correspondingly he had found a list which categorised plants by colour. Green presented a considerable difficulty in this regard, so had divided green into all the different shades that existed. He particularly liked Army Green and Jungle Green, but shopkeepers were nonplussed when he asked for them. So he took pity and was asking for Fern Green when he heard a chattering noise and smelled a vaguely familiar odour of wine. Then there was a clattering of boxes and a strange commotion from behind him made his head turn. Bananas were flying everywhere and to his horror he saw Lapinette being dragged into the back of a grocer's van. "Skuttles!" shouted the Wabbit. He hopped furiously towards the vehicle but it took off into the busy traffic and sped off. "I thought they only drove by night." muttered the Wabbit. But the Wabbit knew one thing. He knew that Lapinette would have a plan and wouldn't stay captured for long if she could help it. And she would expect him to know what her plan would be. So he abandoned his greenery and as he hopped across the market place to gather support, he tried desperately to think like Lapinette. "My brain hurts," thought the Wabbit.

The Wabbit's after Adventure Dinner

The Wabbit and Lapinette met at La Rivetta, Lapinette's most favouritist restaurant in all of Fregene. The Wabbit insisted on sitting next to the fire to warm his fur and he was eager to discuss their most recent adventure. "What kind of adventure was that?" said Lapinette with a smile and then she waited. The Wabbit leaned back on his chair and adopted a nonchalant air. "It was a kind of surreal road movie," he said, "which was all about the vehicle." "Too right," said Fuoristrada from outside the window. "You didn't leave much of that balloon," said Lapinette. "He needed a waaahmbulance!" laughed the Wabbit and he made a siren sound. They both laughed and laughed. "What do think they say about me in their Village?" said the Wabbit. "They probably call you "That Wabbit"," said Lapinette. "Oh really?" mused the Wabbit, "how so?" "Well, that's what they call you at the Department," said Lapinette. The Wabbit grinned with all of his 28 teeth. "I'm pleased to be acknowledged," he said, "I expect Fuoristrada's fuel was a legitimate expense." "Do you have all the receipts?" said Lapinette. "Yes indeed," said the Wabbit, "even for the carrot aperitivo." "The Department won't reimburse aperitivi," said Lapinette, "or things you already keep in your fur." "What about the explosive?" asked the Wabbit. "I suggest you don't mention it," said Lapinette, "did you really need all that C4?" "You can never have enough C4," said the Wabbit.

7. The Wabbit is not a Number

Whoever was controlling the balloons seemed to realise what the Wabbit had in store. The balloons retreated and the Wabbit drove furiously along the beach in hot persuit. With a pawful of C4 he bounded from Fuoristrada and pitched the first canister with a deadly curveball grip. The first balloon couldn't avoid the swerve and the Wabbit pressed the detonator. There was a sudden bang and a flash that spiralled upwards and outwards in a widening red cloud. "Take that for your trouble!" shouted the Wabbit as he followed with a second canister. The balloon began to deflate and emitting a low groan it fell slowly towards the beach. The second balloon hung back, but the Wabbit could hear a booming sound as if it came from a loudspeaker inside. "You are only a number, Commander Wabbit, and your number is up," said  a disembodied voice with plummy vowels. "I have no number," replied the Wabbit," "I am the Number 2," said the pompous voice. "Then you're playing second fiddle to a burst bubble," laughed the Wabbit. "You will regret that action!" said the voice. "He reached for the sky and it blew up in his face," said the Wabbit. "You will be shaped to fit," said the voice. "I take whatever shape I wish," said the Wabbit. He turned his back on the balloon and hopped away - and as he did he threw the last canister over his shoulder. "Be seeing you!" murmured the Wabbit as he pressed the detonator.

6. The Wabbit and the Electronic Detonator

The balloons chased the Wabbit all the way to Fregene and Lapinette chased the balloons. Fuoristrada scooted easily along the beach until he reached a nature reserve and the Wabbit loped across to a vantage point by a low water inlet. He hopped ostentatiously to attract the balloons and set up his grenades. He could see Lapinette hovering near the balloons, keeping them at bay, and he worked feverishly to complete his task.  "Do you think it'll work?" he asked Fuoristrada, "I don't know these creatures as well as you." "These Rovers come from the sea," said Fuoristrada. "Perhaps they are jellyfish?" conjectured the Wabbit. "Whatever they are," said Fuoristrada, "they are said to be controlled by sinister forces from a secret Italian base somewhere in Wales, called the Village." "That's hard to believe," said the Wabbit. "I kid you not," said Fuoristrada. "Get ready, here they come," said the Wabbit urgently. "These detonate in mid air. We'll blow them all the way back to their Village." The radio crackled. "Are you ready, Four Wheeler?" said Lapinette. "Ready when you are, Astronaut," said the Wabbit. He watched Lapinette's heli-chopper bank and climb then disappear in the direction of Fiumicino Airport. Then the Wabbit tossed the first grenade high in the air and casually fished out an electronic detonator which he kept in his fur ...

5. the Wabbit makes a Call

Refuelled and ready, Fuoristrada and the Wabbit headed across the Piazza della Rovere, over the bridge and down the side of the Tiber with the two balloons in pursuit. "Oh Sacred Stream who's waters roll. Immortal through the classic page," intoned Fuoristrada. "Less poetry more speed," hissed the Wabbit and he pushed the throttle hard to the floor. "I can hear a strange engine," said Fuoristrada. "An Agusta Bell heli-chopper!" yelled the Wabbit. He slammed on the brakes and lifted the ancient radio as Fuoristrada slithered to a halt. "Breaker, breaker. We've got Double Bubbles!" shouted the Wabbit. The radio crackled. "No-one says breaker any more, Four Wheeler," sighed Lapinette. "Oh how dreary," said the Wabbit, "have you any suggestions, Astronaut?" "Turn back and head for Fregene," said Lapinette, "and do put the hammer down. The bubbles will have me for a bumper sticker." "Out!" said the Wabbit and he slammed his foot to the floor.  "Ouch," said Fuoristrada as he catapulted towards the next bridge. "Where the binky is Fregene?" asked the Wabbit. "The seaside," said Fuoristrada. "I forgot my bucket and shovel," said the Wabbit. "We have a shovel," said Fuoristrada. "And a bucket?" asked the Wabbit. "Of course," said Fuoristrada. "Have you anything more we need for the beach?" said the Wabbit as he swerved into the oncoming traffic on the Umberto I bridge. "C4 grenades," said  Fuoristrada.

4. The Wabbit gives the Orders

The Wabbit and Fuoristrada raced round the Gianicolo Hill and down towards to San Pietro Station with the balloons bouncing behind them at an ever increasing rate. Nothing seemed to stop them. They bounced over anything in their path and as they bounced they howled and droned. Occasionally without warning they span round and round, setting up a gale that tore at trees and rattled windows. But the Wabbit had gained some ground and Fuoristrada bumped down the steps of an underpass, then emerged at the other side and tore through an underground car park. "Double back!" shouted the Wabbit and he rummaged for something in the back of the vehicle. Fuoristrada darted down Via del Crocifisso and into Piazzale Gregorio VII. Suddenly they were staring at the balloons coming towards them down the stairs of the station and the Wabbit jumped out with the gun he had made in the shed at the back of the Department. "Stand and deliver!" he yelled at the balloons and he fired at the roof and plaster scattered all around them. The balloons shuddered to a halt and even though they had no eyes, they seemed to look at each other with horror. "Fuoristrada!" said the Wabbit authoritatively, "I'll have a carrot aperitivo spritz." How would you like it?" asked Fuoristrada. "Gently stirred," said the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Chase

Fuoristrada raced through the park with the balloon in hot pursuit. "More incoming at 2 o'clock," shouted the Wabbit and he gunned the throttle. "There's can't be more than one!" said  Fuoristrada, "I don't believe it!"  "What happened to the sharp twigs?" yelled the Wabbit. "Park keepers," moaned Fuoristrada, "they've been sweeping." The Wabbit wrenched the steering wheel and muttered "Jobsworths" through gritted teeth. "Head for Gianicolo Hill," shouted the Wabbit and I'll call this in." "Is that wise?" asked Fuoristrada. "Bite the bullet, we're going through the city and we'll lose them," said the Wabbit and he looked out the window and swerved right. "Mo' te gonfio!" he shouted at the nearest balloon as he passed. The balloon bounced high in the air but it fell back a little. "They didn't like that," shouted the Wabbit. There was an awful moaning sound and the balloon span round and round. "Do it again," suggested Fuoristrada. The Wabbit looked out again and yelled "Toglietevi dai coglioni!" "That's very rude!" said Fuoristrada" There was a howl of protest from the other balloon and it whirled like a top. "I can get ruder" said the Wabbit. "Non mi rompete le palle!" he shouted. The two balloons bounced together and shot high in the air screaming with anger. "That's done it"" said Fuoristrada.