The Wabbit in the Elysian Fields

Turbina landed on the slopes of Mount Olympus and ejected the Wabbit from the car. So the Wabbit hopped forward to the other side of the pool. "Welcome to the Elysian Fields," said a sweet voice. The Wabbit turned with amazement. "Don't I know you?" asked the Wabbit. "I am Lapnet and I tend these flowers, who are the souls of the departed," said a beautiful wabbit holding a bunch of beautiful flowers. The Wabbit looked around. "Does everyone come through here?" asked the Wabbit. "Only those that are good and heroic," said Lapnet. "Your friends are here." The Wabbit thought for a minute and his ears quivered lightly. "The Flowers of the Forest," said the Wabbit softly. "Yes, they are gone to flowers now," said Lapnet. The Wabbit nodded and felt a moment of calm. But a sudden nagging thought touched the Wabbit and he frowned. "Your friend Franco is is not here," said Lapnet quickly. "But Unut will find him." "She will?" asked the Wabbit. "She sent out an All-Gods Bulletin," said Lapnet. "Are you a Goddess?" asked the Wabbit in awe. "I'm in that general framework," replied Lapnet and she smiled at the Wabbit. "Will you stay a while?" she said. "I've a lot to do," blustered the Wabbit. He was just about to mention his list when he heard Turbina honk her horn. "Even your chariot agrees," said Lapnet. So the Wabbit sat down and laid his head in the flowers and drifted into sleep. But he was dimly aware of a lone piper playing. And never was piping so sweet.

The Wabbit and the Greek Blues

The Wabbit found himself standing on a seafront with Turbina the Jet Car. "Why are we here?" said the Wabbit. "That is an existential question to which I have no answer," said Turbina. A silence fell. Suddenly, the Wabbit pricked up his ears because he could hear the assertive strains of rebetico music, drifting from a nearby cafe. The Wabbit hopped up and down and waved his paws. "Greek Blues," exclaimed the Wabbit. "We're in Greece!" "That was your destination decreed by Unut, Wabbit Goddess," said Turbina. "You finally met someone that outranked you," smiled the Wabbit. "Just a bit, not much in it," said Turbina. There was another silence. "I am instructed to ensure that you relax," said Turbina doubtfully. "How will you do it?" asked the Wabbit. "I will watch you and if I catch you not relaxing, I will hoot my horn," said Turbina. The Wabbit hadn't felt like laughing in a while, but now he did. So he hopped down the seafront for a long way and he looked all around and then he hopped back again. "You can get a good salad sandwich here," he said, to no-one in particular. "You'll need it. We're going to Mount Olympus," said Turbina. "Mount Olympus!" said the Wabbit. "It's got more Gods than you can shake a stick at!" The Wabbit thought for a moment. "Drive or fly?" he asked. "Take a look at the traffic," said Turbina. "Fly," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and Unut the Wabbit Goddess

The Wabbit hung in mid air looking up at the face of Unut, the great Wabbit Goddess. "I'll never get used to that," thought the Wabbit sadly. "We meet again, Wabbit." said Unut gravely. "Again," echoed the Wabbit. "I feel your loss, Wabbit. But most of all I feel your anger,” said Unut. "I should have known. I should have been in touch. I should have been better informed," shouted the Wabbit. "Thrice should!" boomed Thoth, the Baboon God. The Wabbit had met Thoth before and he cringed but Unut turned and glared at Thoth. "I will put you outside if there's any more booming." Unut turned back to the Wabbit. "I'm sending you on a journey." "I haven't got time. I have a list. I'm spread thin," spluttered the Wabbit. "Thrice refused," muttered Thoth, under his breath. "Normally Wabbit," said Unut sternly, "when a Goddess sends you on a journey, it takes priority." "OK," said the Wabbit with a sigh. "Take your red chariot of fire with you, said Unut. The Wabbit thought and thought. "Red chariot of fire, red chariot of fire?" he asked himself frantically. "The Fiat turbine prototype!" shouted Unut with exasperation. "OK," said the Wabbit. "There's another you'll have to cope with on your journey," said Unut. "Who's that?" asked the Wabbit. "Yourself," replied Unut. And the Wabbit felt himself get thinner and thinner and thinner until he was just a faint scribble in the vastness of the cosmos.

The Wabbit gets Unfortunate News

"I brought here you to the Museum, because I have news," said Lapinette. The Wabbit looked at Lapinette's face. He could tell it wasn't good news and he felt a shiver go through his fur. "We had a message from Monty about the Free Wabbits of Turin and the base camp," said Lapinette. The Wabbit waited with a sinking heart. "There was terrible disease," said Lapinette. "No one could stop it. Our allies rescued a few of our number but the rest have perished." The Wabbit put his paws across his eyes and his head sank as he suppressed a sob. There was an awful silence. "What about my friend Franco? Franco Contadino?" asked the Wabbit, with a trembling voice. Lapinette shook her head. "We think he's gone." The Wabbit suddenly turned and kicked the Egyptian statue and the whole building shook with his anger and pain. The Wabbit kicked the statue again and again and he did not stop until he felt the light touch of Lapinette's paw on his shoulder. "He's not dead, he's Missing in Action," shouted the Wabbit frantically. "You must speak with Unut, the Wabbit Goddess," said Lapinette softly. "Why me?" asked the Wabbit. "Because you're the only one that can," said Lapinette. The Wabbit looked at the Egypt Museum and he felt a pull that he recognised from some time before. "Be seeing you," said the Wabbit as he slid towards the entrance. "Go," said Lapinette. And the Wabbit hunched and jumped and plunged head first into the dark basement of the Goddesses.

The Wabbit and the Gala Dinner

Everyone was arriving for the winner's Gala Dinner and they were in good spirits. Ghost Bunny fluttered to the music and Puma prowled and growled. "Ho there my homies!" The loud greeting heralded Skratch, strolling in as if he was walking onto a yacht. "The carrot aperitivi are quite delicious," said Lapinette, who had already tried one. "Here's to the winner of the race," said the Wabbit. "Next year will be a different matter." "Oh, shall I give you driving lessons?" asked Lapinette." Ghost Bunny tittered and watched the Wabbit. "That won't be necessary," said the Wabbit, waving his paws. "I'm working on something." "In the shed at the back of the Department?" asked Lapinette. "It's very hush-hush," said the Wabbit and he winked at Ghost Bunny. "Whatever you're cooking, it better be good," said Lapinette, stroking Puma's head without thinking. "Purr," said Puma. "What's on the menu?" asked Snail. "Carrots!" exclaimed Lapinette. "I have some fungi and cardboard for you, Snail." "Yum," said Snail. "And I ordered herring for Skratch and Puma. Ghost Bunny is having scary carrots." "Scarrots!" cried Ghost Bunny. "What about me?" asked the Wabbit. "Artichoke tubers for us," said Lapinette. "There are only two kinds of food," stated the Wabbit, solemnly. "Do tell," murmured Lapinette. "There are artichokes ... and then the rest," smiled the Wabbit. "Don't wolf them down!" shouted everyone.

The Wabbit hosts the Podium

If there was one thing the Wabbit could do well, it was an urgent whisper. "Lapinette!" the Wabbit whispered urgently. "What do I say?" he hissed even more urgently than before. Lapinette whispered back reluctantly. "Just make it up as you go along, you usually do." "OK," said the Wabbit. He plumped up his fur and adopted an engaging manner. "I am pleased to award the winner with this magnificent and extremely large trophy." The Wabbit waited for the applause to die away. "As runner up I have the greatest pleasure in announcing that Aperol and Campari have agreed to sponsor our carrot aperitivi." "Wabbit," whispered Lapinette. "You're a disgrace." But she held the massive cup over her face to hide a smile. "Now he won't have to pay," said Skratch to Ghost Bunny. "Shhhh!" said Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit staggered forward and passed the cup to Lapinette with some relief. Everyone watched Lapinette hold the Cup up high. "Hurrah!" cried Ghost Bunny and wailed very softly. "All of these organisations have helped us along our way," said the Wabbit. "Mostly unwittingly," said Lapinette quietly. Lapinette caught the attention of the audience with a serious voice. "It is always our custom to have a favourite cause and we are introducing the Autistic Society and Autismo Italia. "Members of the Carrot Club will be collecting your emergency coins," said the Wabbit. "Dig deeply in your fur." "I have no fur,” said Snail. "You're not getting out of it," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the Photo Finish

The Wabbit hurled Wob around the last two spirals of the ramp. He could see Lapinette behind him with no way through and he smiled as the finishing line loomed fast. He was wondering where to take everyone for the winner's Gala Dinner, but with a sudden blast of flame and a loud bang, Lapinette squeezed past him with only a millimetre to spare. A chequered flag was fluttering frantically. "Frightening Photo Finish!" shouted Ghost Bunny and waved them both down. "Sergio, would you please check the camera?" she yelled. "Sergio is it?" murmured the Wabbit. "Ghost Bunny gets around, Wob." "She took a Marshall's course at the Autodromo Lombardore," said Wob. "There's an awful lot no one tells me," said the Wabbit. "Anyway I might not have to buy the Gala Dinner." "It is custom and practice that the loser pays for the aperitivi," said Wob. "I needed more information," said the Wabbit. "Ha!" said Wob the On Board Control and gave what the Wabbit thought was a chuckle. "You should map that in," he said. The Wabbit grunted. He could see Lapinette hopping happily towards him and he leaned out of the window and smiled a limp smile." "You're an excellent competitor and a fine Wabbit," she smiled in a sports wabbit like manner. "But you need to be prepared for the unexpected." The Wabbit grinned an enormous grin. "You win some, you lose some, you wreck some," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the Yellow Flag

Well in the lead, the Wabbit steadily climbed the ramp a few seconds in front of Lapinette. Indeed, he was just congratulating himself when he heard a siren wailing and caught a glimpse of yellow. The Wabbit coasted to a stop and Lapinette screeched to a halt behind him. "Frighten, frightening obstruction!" shouted Ghost Bunny. "Frightening Yellow Flag hold your positions." she yelled. "I’m not going anywhere," said the Wabbit. He hopped forward and looked at the obstruction for a moment. Then he turned to Wob, his On Board Control. "Wob," said the Wabbit. "What rules apply in this instance?" "Drivers may continue, but must not take advantage and should hold their positions." said Wob, ponderously. "This is unfortunate," said the Wabbit. "Shall I map it in?" asked Wob. "If you must" snapped the Wabbit impatiently. The Wabbit turned to Ghost Bunny. "Where does the Fiat 500 come from?" Ghost Bunny giggled softly. "Oh it's Snail's. He freed it from a museum." "And it happens to be here?" said the Wabbit. “He lost track of it," sad Ghost Bunny. "And I lost my lead," said the Wabbit. So he thought for a bit and then he shrugged his shoulders and turned to Lapinette. "What kind of car would Snail choose?" he smiled. "A Topolino,” said Lapinette,

The Wabbit and the Bootleg Turn

The Wabbit stayed in Turbina's slipstream until, just before the bottom, the ramp widened. With a sudden burst of speed he raced past Lapinette and gave a mighty cry of glee. "I told you we'd do it!" he shouted to Wob, the On Board Control. But just as he was feeling pleased with himself, the Wabbit became aware of a familiar sound. It was a whine that steadily increased until there was a loud bang and a searing hot wind bent his ears back. The Wabbit squinted up to see Lapinette fly over his head and straight into the lead. "Not fair!" yelled the Wabbit and shook a paw. "No rude gestures, it's in the rules," said Wob flatly. "Flying isn't in the rules," moaned the Wabbit. "Flying was not excluded at the start of the race," said Wob. "Would you like an audio playback?" "Later," hissed the Wabbit and he bent down to switch to manual control. He violently crashed the gears down to second and subtly flicked the steering wheel towards the opposite lane. "Aaaagh!" shouted Wob as he skidded across the ramp and spun 180 degrees to face the other way. "Aha!" said the Wabbit. "Wheels are best left on the ground.” "What on earth was that?" asked Wob. "It was a Scandinavian flick followed by a bootleg turn," said the Wabbit. "I'll map it in," said Wob. "The Wabbit grinned a big full toothed grin as he sped up the ramp. "You'll get the hang of it," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and Lapinette Square Up

Both Lapinette and the Wabbit took off like bullets from a gun and it was the Wabbit who squeezed recklessly through on the outside of the first corner to overtake Lapinette. But his joy was short-lived as Lapinette easily passed him on the straight. "More power, Wob," gasped the Wabbit, "more power!" "I'm operating outside permitted parameters," said Wob, calmly. "I'll operate on your parameters in a minute," shouted the Wabbit and he stamped his foot down. He powered alongside Turbina and took the chance of glancing across at Lapinette. The Wabbit was just about to make a face when Wob interrupted. "The rules say no rude gestures," he stated in a matter-of-fact voice that infuriated the Wabbit. The Wabbit only had time to shout "Go Wob go!" before Lapinette squirreled through on the inside of the corner and drifted across his bows into the lead. But she just as quickly lost it at the next bend as Wob slid though on two wheels. "You surprise me Wob," murmured the Wabbit. "I've remapped, said Wob.”She's very close," shouted the Wabbit. "Remap more!" Suddenly Lapinette drew alongside and smiled across at the Wabbit. The Wabbit smiled back sweetly and blew a kiss but Lapinette shot ahead again. "Wob!" he hissed urgently. "We're in her slipstream. Stay here and just before the bottom, we'll do something astonishing. "What?” asked Wob, "I'll think of something," said the Wabbit.