The Wabbit and the Bootleg Turn

The Wabbit stayed in Turbina's slipstream until, just before the bottom, the ramp widened. With a sudden burst of speed he raced past Lapinette and gave a mighty cry of glee. "I told you we'd do it!" he shouted to Wob, the On Board Control. But just as he was feeling pleased with himself, the Wabbit became aware of a familiar sound. It was a whine that steadily increased until there was a loud bang and a searing hot wind bent his ears back. The Wabbit squinted up to see Lapinette fly over his head and straight into the lead. "Not fair!" yelled the Wabbit and shook a paw. "No rude gestures, it's in the rules," said Wob flatly. "Flying isn't in the rules," moaned the Wabbit. "Flying was not excluded at the start of the race," said Wob. "Would you like an audio playback?" "Later," hissed the Wabbit and he bent down to switch to manual control. He violently crashed the gears down to second and subtly flicked the steering wheel towards the opposite lane. "Aaaagh!" shouted Wob as he skidded across the ramp and spun 180 degrees to face the other way. "Aha!" said the Wabbit. "Wheels are best left on the ground.” "What on earth was that?" asked Wob. "It was a Scandinavian flick followed by a bootleg turn," said the Wabbit. "I'll map it in," said Wob. "The Wabbit grinned a big full toothed grin as he sped up the ramp. "You'll get the hang of it," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and Lapinette Square Up

Both Lapinette and the Wabbit took off like bullets from a gun and it was the Wabbit who squeezed recklessly through on the outside of the first corner to overtake Lapinette. But his joy was short-lived as Lapinette easily passed him on the straight. "More power, Wob," gasped the Wabbit, "more power!" "I'm operating outside permitted parameters," said Wob, calmly. "I'll operate on your parameters in a minute," shouted the Wabbit and he stamped his foot down. He powered alongside Turbina and took the chance of glancing across at Lapinette. The Wabbit was just about to make a face when Wob interrupted. "The rules say no rude gestures," he stated in a matter-of-fact voice that infuriated the Wabbit. The Wabbit only had time to shout "Go Wob go!" before Lapinette squirreled through on the inside of the corner and drifted across his bows into the lead. But she just as quickly lost it at the next bend as Wob slid though on two wheels. "You surprise me Wob," murmured the Wabbit. "I've remapped, said Wob.”She's very close," shouted the Wabbit. "Remap more!" Suddenly Lapinette drew alongside and smiled across at the Wabbit. The Wabbit smiled back sweetly and blew a kiss but Lapinette shot ahead again. "Wob!" he hissed urgently. "We're in her slipstream. Stay here and just before the bottom, we'll do something astonishing. "What?” asked Wob, "I'll think of something," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit prepares for Fun

"This is one of my favouritist places," said the Wabbit."Mine too," said Lapinette. "What rules shall we make?" asked Lapinette sensibly. "Rules?" said the Wabbit and looked uncomfortable. "Yes, we must have rules and race etiquette," said Lapinette and took out a notebook. "OK," said the Wabbit. "When the lights go green we race madly to the bottom and then race back up again." “That’s not a rule," said Lapinette," it's an objective." "First one back buys a Gala Dinner," said the Wabbit. Lapinette thought for a minute and then she quietly nodded her head. "It'll be worth it," she smiled. The Wabbit thought about that for a minute. "Maybe there should be rules," he said. "No car touching," said Lapinette. "No special fuel additives," said the Wabbit. There was a sudden groan from Turbina the Jet Car and they heard the sound of sulking. "No new accessories or modifications," said the Wabbit. "And definitely no rude gestures," said Lapinette. Now it was the Wabbit's turn to groan long and loud. "How shall we know if everything is proper and fair?" asked the Wabbit, feeling under pressure. "I've invited someone special," said Lapinette. "Someone to monitor and control the race." "And who might that special someone be?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette's eyes flashed upwards and the Wabbit followed her glance. "Sergio Marchionne!" exclaimed the Wabbit. "Who better?" asked Lapinette. "Here comes the Judge," said the Wabbit solemnly.

The Wabbit requires a Spanner

Lapinette looked at the Wabbit and the Wabbit looked at Lapinette."It's a good thing it doesn't talk, like Turbina," said the Wabbit."What is the nature of the vehicular requirements," said the car. "It does talk!" exclaimed the Wabbit. "I wonder what it's called." Lapinette glanced back at Turbina and winced. "I am the Wabbit On-Board Control," said the car. "Mind if I call you Wob?" asked the Wabbit. "An acronym," said the car, "will process as a nickname." There was a pause. "What would you like to do today?" said the car. The Wabbit looked at Lapinette, shrugged and winked and then turned to speak to Wob. "We'd like to race round and around and then race around the other way," said the Wabbit. "That would be inappropriate in an urban environment," said the car. "Oh, please!" said Turbina in disgust. The Wabbit looked at the car and shook his head sadly. "Do you have my toolkit, Lapinette?" asked the Wabbit. "Is this wise?" asked Lapinette. With both paws, she pulled a kit from the narrow ledge that passed for Turbina's rear seat and passed it to the Wabbit. The Wabbit rummaged and rummaged in the box and finally pulled out the largest spanner he could find. "I may be forced to make a few minor adjustments," he said. Waving the spanner threateningly and grunting furiously, the Wabbit started to hop round the car. "Perhaps some solution may be found. I'll run my fun algorithm," said the car with haste. "Please do that," said the Wabbit. "Fun will commence in twenty minutes,” said Wob finally. “Time for a salad sandwich," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the Vehicle Requisition Order

"I thought I'd find you here," said Lapinette. "Oh, hello Lapinette." said the Wabbit who then continued peering in the window of the prototype car for some time." "Is it serviceable enough?" asked Lapinette. "It has more buttons than you can shake a stick at," said the Wabbit. "Your ears are gleaming," said Lapinette. "They do that," said the Wabbit. "And I know when," replied Lapinette quickly and frowned. "I was thinking of taking it for a test ride," mused the Wabbit. "I'm sure it's not allowed," said Lapinette. The Wabbit held up one paw and fished in his fur with the other. He took out a scruffy form, bent forward and whispered, "Watch this!" Lapinette saw him smooth his ears down in a carefree manner and advance on the attendant in the corner. She listened to the murmur of a short conversation and then she watched as the woman rose to salute the Wabbit. Then the Wabbit hopped nonchalantly back. "OK," he said. "What did you do?" asked Lapinette suspiciously. "I issued her with a Compulsory Vehicle Requisition order," said the Wabbit with considerable relish. "There's no such order," said Lapinette. The Wabbit merely smiled. "Anyway, we can't start it. There's no key." she said. The Wabbit rummaged in his fur and produced his communication device, which he plugged into a socket in the main console. Hundreds of lights lit the cabin and the car started to purr. "Where did you learn that?" asked Lapinette. "Skratch taught me," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit reviews the Mission

"Well, that was an exciting and productive mission," said the Wabbit. "The Alpini think so now they have their snow," said Lapinette. "Splendid," said the Wabbit and Snail at exactly the same time. Lapinette looked straight at the Wabbit. "An invitation has arrived from the Alpini for the hero," she said. "Oh good," said the Wabbit and he clapped his paws, thinking of a gala dinner. "It's not for you, it’s for Ghost Bunny,” said Lapinette. "Oooooh, frighten!" said Ghost Bunny, quietly. "The Alpini want you to race down the piste with them and drink flaming aperitivi," said Lapinette smiling. “At night, “ she added and her eyes gleamed. "Who, me?" asked Ghost Bunny. "Oh you do deserve it," said the Wabbit. "But you'll have to practice the Alpini wail. It goes "Oi la la luuuuuuuuuuu!"" "I think I'll just practice that now," said Ghost Bunny and yelled an enormous Alpine cry that echoed down the porticoes as far as Porta Susa Station. As the cry died away, Big Blue Snail untangled his antennae and cleared his throat. "I fear it is time to ask what kind of adventure that was," he stated categorically. "It's Space Fantasy," said Ghost Bunny. "Eco-Disaster," said Big Blue Snail. The Wabbit looked from one to the other. "In this case we must stay away from clichés," he murmured. "What do you suggest?" laughed Lapinette. "It was soap," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit lets it Snow

The little plane darted away from the spacecraft. "Oh since we've no place to go," sang the Wabbit. "Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow," trilled Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit settled back and relaxed. “The Alpini will be delighted," he said. "Will they go on the piste?" asked Ghost Bunny. "Most certainly," he grinned. "Why do they like snow so much?" said Ghost Bunny,"They like to ski down the slopes drinking flaming aperitivi," laughed the Wabbit. "Are they jolly?" asked Ghost Bunny. "Try and stop them!" said the Wabbit. There was a pause. "How did you come to be here, anyway?" he asked. "Just hitched a ride on a passing cloud," said Ghost Bunny. "Your wailing has much improved," said the Wabbit. "Yes, I've been in training." replied Ghost Bunny. "Who with?" enquired the Wabbit. "Lapinette," said Ghost Bunny. "Oh," said the Wabbit. There was a very long silence while the Wabbit tried to visualise the scene. "Where do you practice wailing?" asked the Wabbit. "At night in a deserted market off the Via Nizza," said Ghost Bunny, “I’ll show you." Suddenly she let off the most high-pitched wail and the Wabbit's ears flapped over and down the back of his head. "Don't you get into trouble?" said the Wabbit. "The Carabinieri usually arrive," murmured Ghost Bunny softly. "What then?" asked the Wabbit. “They sit in their car and eat panini," said Ghost Bunny. "Some things never change," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit's Path is Blocked

The Wabbit had used all his slime ammunition mopping up the ice mice, so he casually slung his weapon over his shoulder and looked towards his plane and home. But the plane was surrounded by even more ice mice. The swarm of mice had blocked his path and he could see there was no direct way through. The Wabbit’s mind raced. "Should have gone to Machu Picchu," thought the Wabbit recalling his expert advisor. Then to his horror the Wabbit spotted a familiar cylinder and his heart sank. "The devils have my Silver Iodide," he groaned and his pulse quickened and he looked all round for another route. It was then that he heard it, a long moaning cry way up in the air. And the Wabbit's ears swung and pointed and stiffened and he swore to himself that he had never heard such a sweet sound. Ghost Bunny wailed as she came out of the sky like a missile and she dipped and dived sharply and moaned again. She hurtled towards the ice mice with a terrifying sound that chilled even the Wabbit's blood. As the Wabbit watched, he saw the mice gradually freeze rigid one after the other until they were like statues. The Wabbit smiled with all of his 28 teeth. "Any more party tricks?" asked the Wabbit. "I haven't even started," said Ghost Bunny and she fluttered down and smiled the most innocent smile a ghost wabbit could muster. "What shall we do now?" she murmured. "Dump the silver iodide and give these Alpini a break," said the Wabbit.