The Wabbit: Once upon a Time in Piemonte

The Snail stoppped nibbling his grapes and cleared his throat. "I believe," he said ponderously, "that it is the custom at this juncture to enquire what kind of adventure that was." "We usually leave that for the after-adventure dinner," said Lapinette. "Nom nom," said the Snail with glee. "It was a Spaghetti Western," said Ghost Bunny. Everyone turned to look at her. "Woooh woo woooooo," she moaned in an Ennio Morricone fashion. This met with blank faces and Ghost Bunny realised she was getting nowhere. "My Name is Nobody," she added and fluttered up and down. "No it's not," said the Wabbit with a straight face. "High Plains Ghost Bunny?" asked Lapinette. "The Good the Bad and the Snuggly," said the Wabbit, brushing his fur and looking at Lapinette. "The Ruthless Four," said the Snail. There was a general murmuring of approval and mutual congratulation. "What next?" said Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit lifted his harmonica, tapped it against his a paw and said, "Wabbit with a Harmonica." He lifted the harmonica to his lips once more and let forth a drawn out wail that moaned its way across the fields and ruffled the crops. Then he let out another one much longer than the first. Everyone's fur stood on end except for the Big Blue Snail who had none. "We needed a soundtrack," said the Wabbit.

The Pied Wabbit of Casorzo

It was a plan that the Wabbit thought might just work. He rummaged in his fur for something he hadn't used in a while. Eventually he found his ageing harmonica and he blew a little dust from the mouthpiece and raised it to his lips. The harmonica wailed long and plaintively then set up a slow blues pace while the Wabbit's powerful rear leg beat a tough rhythm on the tanker that the Skuttles couldn't ignore. They jolted around and made straight for the wine tanker and their legs flailed in drunkenness. "Oh we've got some wine, you can have some too," sang the Wabbit." "Woo hoo," trilled Lapinette, "Woo hoo," echoed Ghost Bunny." The Wabbit's harmonica cried and moaned as the Skuttles rushed straight past him in a frenzy. "We've got more in the tanker and it's all for you," sang the Wabbit. "For you," chirped Lapinette. "So true!" sang the Big Blue Snail melodically in the distance. The Skuttles swerved and squeezed into the tanker, making strange slurping and booming sounds. The more wine they drank the more room there was for Skuttles. And when the last Skuttle went inside the Wabbit slammed the hatch shut and locked it. Then he rapped a short rhythm on the tank with his paws. Lapinette turned to the Wabbit and smiled. The Wabbit smiled back. "Never give a Skuttle an even break," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit pulls the Plugs

The Wabbit loped rapidly to the Cantina on the corner and as he loped he could hear the thud thud of Lapinette's automatic in the distance. He screeched to a halt and launched a kick at the levers that he knew would release the wine to the hungry horde of Skuttles close on his tail. Nothing happened at first, but the Wabbit was accustomed to the way of levers. He hummed a little tune as the pipe began to drip. Then wine spurted and gurgled and finally gushed out in torrents. The Skuttles stopped dead and gathered all around, guzzling at the ever-widening pool. As they drank, they made strange gutteral honks and their jaws enlarged so that they could drink even more wine. "Compliments of the house," muttered the Wabbit and bared his 28 teeth. The Skuttles paid little attention and they drank and drank and drank. Then to the Wabbit's astonishment they threw up their distended heads and began to sing with shrill voices. "Drinkin`Wine Spo-De-O-De Drinkin Wine, Drinkin Wine Spo-De-O-De!" And then they looked at each other and started drinking again. Gunfire had abated and the Wabbit could hear the sporadic sounds of Lapinette mopping up rogue Skuttles. And then with a flash of clarity, the Wabbit knew what to do next. "Vino Skuttles, 2011," he mused.

The Wabbits United (will never be defeated)

The sun was splitting the trees and it beat mercilessly down on the Wabbit and Lapinette as they hopped straight into an ambush. But the Skuttles cast no shadow and they chittered menacingly as they bore down on their prey. The Wabbit hopped high in the air and rapidly took from his fur his emergency automatic, tossing it with lightning speed to a waiting Lapinette. She grabbed it and blasted the Skuttles right and left. But the more she blasted, the more Skuttles there seemed to be. "They're replicating," shouted Lapinette. The Wabbit threw a spare clip to Lapinette and punched a Skuttle on what he assumed to be his nose. "They've got to have a weak point," yelled the Wabbit. "They've got lots of points and none of them are good," Lapinette shouted back. "Watch that one! Oooooh," The Wabbit gasped as a large Skuttle took several rounds from Lapinette's flaming automatic, gurgled and crashed on his side. "I know their weak point," yelled Lapinette. "Do tell!" shouted the Wabbit. "Wine! Wine. It's wine," yelled Lapinette. "Shall I tell them we have some?" shouted the Wabbit. "The Cantina," shouted Lapinette through gritted teeth."Oh yes," muttered the Wabbit and kicked a Skuttle in passing. "I'm on it." "Have you more ammunition?" shouted Lapinette. "Oh yes," said the Wabbit and took three more clips from his fur. "How much stuff have you got in your fur?" called Lapinette after the Wabbit. The Wabbit took a library book from his fur and hit an incoming Skuttle over the head. "Enough to cover emergencies," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit watches the Plan Executed

From behind the sunflowers, the Wabbit and Lapinette watched as the plan was swiftly executed. The Skuttles made a hideous chattering sound as they gyrated along the country path and the Wabbit had to smile. "My emergency coin on the big fellow to win," said the Wabbit cheerfully. "My money's on Ghost Bunny," said Lapinette approvingly. "Not fair," said the Wabbit and pointed. "That one bounced off Snail," giggled Lapinette. "We'd better not be complacent," said the Wabbit. "They're cunning and no mistake. Let's circle round." Lapinette signalled to Snail and he nodded as his longer antennae kept a watchful eye on the Skuttles. "Look," said the Wabbit. A Skuttle made a break to the side but a stream of slime oozed into the Skuttle's path. The Skuttle dragged to unstick it's feet and it skittered and chittered loudly as it struggled back onto the path. ""Gotcha," drawled the Snail. Lapinette signalled to Ghost Bunny who moaned a drawn out banshee wail that so frightened the Skuttles that their many spines stood up and whirled around. "Good grief," said the Wabbit, who's fur had also stood on end. "I lost my bet." "Lets head for their base," said Lapinette. "What then?" asked the Wabbit. "Well you're the ideas Wabbit," said Lapinette. "I am," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the Strange Case of the Wine Thieves

"What are they?" whispered the Snail. "They're Skuttles!" said the hushed voice of the Wabbit. "What's a Skuttle?" asked Ghost Bunny. "It's a creature that feeds on industrial quantities of wine," said Lapinette softly. "It's like a hedgehog and it's been genetically modified." "They are cunning and ruthless and busy," said the Wabbit. "And they have lorries," he added and muttered. Everyone strained to hear. "They drive by night!" he said grimly. "Do they?" said Lapinette. "They must," said the Wabbit. "You never see them drive by day." "True," agreed Lapinette. The Wabbit continued. "Yet they transport tons of produce to feed their voracious appetites," he said in dismay. "I'm hungry," said the Snail." "Eat some grapes," said the Wabbit. "Our plan is to lure them through the fields to their own base," explained Lapinette. "How will we do that?" enquired Ghost Bunny. "Shall I go up there and frighten them down here?" "Can you make yourself invisible?" asked the Wabbit. "I'm a ghost," said Ghost Bunny. "Frighten them up and down the vineyard. Keep them moving then scare them back down here," said Lapinette. "When they get here, Snail, you block their path so that they have to make a right turn, down that road there." "What then?" asked Ghost Bunny. "We'll head 'em off at the pass," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit Loops the Loop

"Lapinette to Wabbit Air Control. Over," said Lapinette. The speaker crackled "Reading you Lapinette. Your heading?" "Casorzo, Piemonte. ETA 30 minutes," replied Lapinette. "Two supernumeraries on board." "We know," crackled Air Control. "If they know everything, they already know where we're going," muttered the Wabbit. "Protocol," said Lapinette. "This helichopper has a rigid rotor head, doesn't it?" said the Wabbit suddenly. "A modification I insisted upon," said Lapinette. "During commissioning," she added firmly. "Oh good, give me the controls," said the Wabbit. "I'm not sure this is wise," said Lapinette, handing over. "Trust me," said the Wabbit and disconnected a servo cord from the base of the joystick. The Snail, who was comfortably installed in the cargo space, groaned audibly. The Wabbit grinned and threw the helichopper into a vertical climb. The blades struggled for grip as the Wabbit looped backwards through a full 360 degrees. "Frighten!" yelled Ghost Bunny, free falling through the cabin. "Where did you learn to do that?" asked Lapinette. "Girl Guides Air Arm," said the Wabbit. "You were in the Girl Guides?" said the Snail. "Oh yes," said the Wabbit. "What happened," said Lapinette. "They threw me out," murmured the Wabbit through gritted teeth. "What for?" said the Snail. "For doing this," said the Wabbit and they all yelled as he yanked back the joystick.

The Wabbit's transport arrives

The Wabbit and the Snail and Ghost Bunny were the last to leave the Fiat Café. "I can hear your helichopper," said the Big Blue Snail. "It can't be, that's Lovely Lapinette over there," whispered Ghost Bunny. "Lapinette!" cried the Wabbit, hopping up and down. "Who's flying the helichopper?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette waved her brolly. "It's remote control. Very new, very hush-hush." "As a Commander, I have wabbit-1 clearance." said the Wabbit examining the brolly grip closely. "Oh buttons! That red one there. Can I press it?" "No!" shouted everyone with one voice. "This is Big Blue," introduced the Wabbit. "I know," said Lapinette."We have a file on you." "Excellent," said the Snail. "And I believe there are meetings." added Lapinette sweetly. "Splendid," said the Snail and waggled his antennae. "What did you do on your leave?" asked Lapinette of the Wabbit. "Nothing much really, Just going around." said the Wabbit and grinned. "That's not what I heard," said Lapinette. "There's a file about my leave?" said the Wabbit. "Everything," said Lapinette. "With pictures?" said the Wabbit. "Of course," said Lapinette. "Can we order prints?" asked the Wabbit.

The Wabbit back in the Fiat Café

The Wabbit, the Big Blue Snail and Ghost Bunny had all repaired to the Fiat Café for a nourishing bite to eat. But the Wabbit was thoughtful. "What's up, Wabbit?" asked the Big Blue Snail. "Oh sorry," said the Wabbit. "Usually my beloved Lapinette would be here." The Wabbit sighed and stared at the table. The Snail whispered to Ghost Bunny. "What's she like?" "She's lovely and flies a helichopper," breathed Ghost Bunny and fluttered. "Cheer up Wabbit," said the Snail. "Lets drink a toast to Lapinette!" And they all drank a toast and said what a pity and wouldn't she enjoy herself if she was here. And very soon they were discussing everything they had seen and heard in the city. The Wabbit paused. "Soon," he said, "I will be going on an importantly important misssion." "Do tell!" said Ghost Bunny. "Very hush-hush I'm afraid, but Lapinette will be picking me up in her helichopper," said the Wabbit and plumped up his fur. "Can I come?" asked Ghost Bunny?" "Me too," said the Big Blue snail, "I can act as a look-out." "I will frighten intruders witless," said Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit grinned a big 28 tooth grin. "I appoint you my special duty agents," he said. "When do we frighteningly leave?" asked Ghost Bunny. "When the Café runs out of carrot aperitivi," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the Path of the Puma

The Snail had decided to live at the old abandoned hospital and so all together, they made their way by the forest path. But as they rounded a corner, they found their way blocked by a most ferocious creature. There was no way past and the Wabbit hopped forward. "Good evening Mr Puma," he said in a commanding tone. "Oh really, is there anyone you don't know?" asked the Snail. "How is Skratch?" said the puma. "Around and about," said the Wabbit in a non-commital fashion. "I thought you were safely relocated." "Grrr," said the puma. "Don't talk me about the Forestry Police. They caged me and did things with tags. And the food was horrid. I escaped at the first opportunity." "Frighten, frighten, frighten," called Ghost Bunny from behind the fence. "Oh Hello," said the puma and he lifted a weary, mud stained paw. "Snail," said the Snail, "Big Blue," he added. "Pleased to meet you," said the puma. The Wabbit was going to ask if the puma was hungry but he thought better of it. "What are your plans, Puma?" "Prowl the territory, know the territory. It is the Path of the Puma." said the Puma. "And then?" prompted the Wabbit. "I will be the territory," said the Puma with such a solemn expression that the three friends wanted to laugh and laugh and laugh. But they wisely decided against.

The Wabbit sings with Premiata Forneria Marconi

"Oh, it's raining!" said the Snail. "The show must go on," said the Wabbit. "I rather like the rain," said the Snail." "I do not, it sullies my fur," said the Wabbit and stared over the umbrellas. "My goodness, look who it is," gasped the Wabbit, "come on!" The Wabbit leapt to the front and with a single bound he was on the stage. "Patrick, Franco, Franz!" greeted the Wabbit and his voice boomed through the speakers. There was a murmur in the crowd and it became increasingly louder. "Wabbit, Wabbit! We want the Wabbit!" shouted the crowd. "With this rain we haven't got long." said Patrick, "so take it away Wabbit," " What with I wonder," thought the Wabbit." "Any requests?" he shouted, tapping the microphone. "Photos of Ghosts!" murmured Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit glanced at Ghost Bunny and grinned. "Photos of Ghosts, Photos of Ghosts!" yelled the crowd. A melodic introduction began. "Black roses laced with silver, By a broken moon, Ten million stars, And the whispered harmonies of leaves," sang the Wabbit. The crowd roared and drowned out his voice so he sang louder, ""Five dusty tomes, with faded pasted pictures, of love's reverie, across each cover is written, "Herein are Photos of Ghosts". The Wabbit paused for the attention of his audience - then when he had it, he lowered his voice and sang softly. "... of ghosts, of ghosts, of ghosts, of ghosts ..." His words echoed and bounced across the wet square and the streaming rooftops and all the umbrellas of all the people. Suddenly a thunderous crack shook the buildings. Lightning filled the air and poked its way into every crevice as the rain poured down in torrents.

The Wabbit asks for Directions

The Wabbit, the Snail and Ghost Bunny set off through the city. Now all three were wondering what to do next. "I want to be entertained," said Ghost Bunny. "Me too," said the Snail. "I find the city very entertaining as it is," said the Wabbit. "But we could perhaps approach a denizen of these parts and ask him for recommendations." "I like denizens!" said Ghost Bunny and fluttered about in excitement. "You speak, Mr Wabbit." said the Snail. "You seem gifted in that department." "Oh, all right," said the Wabbit. "Excuse me, man with striped shirt!" The man was in a hurry for his tram, but he paused briefly and looked directly at the Wabbit. "How can I help you, Wabbit?" "We seek entertainment, my good sir," replied the Wabbit. "What might you suggest?" The man stood and thought and he looked at the Snail with interest. "Proceed along this tram route," he said, "and you will come to a big square. There will be a free concert there later." "Free?" asked the Wabbit just to make sure. "Gratis," said the man. "Thank you so much," said the Wabbit and raised a paw. The man shook his paw gravely and with a sidelong glance at the Snail, he departed. The Wabbit turned to his friends and grinned. "Shall we proceed?" he said. "Directly!" said the Snail and Ghost Bunny.

The Wabbit makes an Introduction

"Another hospital?" queried the Snail. "This is my most favouritist abandoned hospital," enthused the Wabbit. "I wanted to introduce you to my learn-ed associate!" There was a low moaning from the corner of the roof and the Snail ducked quickly as an apparition swooped over his antennae. The apparition executed several tight turns and yelled "Frighten, frighten frighten!" "She's coming back for second swoop," gurgled the Snail and ducked again. "Be not afraid," said the Wabbit. "I wasn't really," confessed the Snail. The apparition hovered just above the Wabbit''s shoulder, fluttering occasionally. "Ghost Bunny's the name. Haunting's the game!" said Ghost Bunny. "Excellent swooping," said the Snail. Ghost Bunny whispered in the Wabbit's ear, which was quite easy. "I like your friend," she said in a soft, breathess tone. "You're not from round here," interrupted the Snail. "I'm from Pluto," said Ghost Bunny proudly. "Not many of you Plutonians in this city," said the Snail and winked with the eye at the end of his longer antenna. "Just one," said the Wabbit, taking control of the conversation. "Ghost Bunny has a doctorate in Quantum ... thingies." "Will you take a slide with me?" asked the Snail. ""Yes but I'd rather frighteningly hover," murmured Ghost Bunny. "I will hop!" said the Wabbit sharply

The Wabbit, the Snail and the Big Football Boy

The Wabbit and the Snail ambled along Via Netro. "Look!" said the Wabbit. "I usually speak to the Big Football Boy when I hop past." "Does he say anything back?" asked the Snail." Not a lot," said the Wabbit. "All he says is, "It's over there!"" "Where?" said the Snail. "There," said the Wabbit. The Snail looked all around. "I don't see anything," murmured the Snail in a disappointed fashion.. "You're not looking for anything." said the Wabbit in a matter-of-fact voice he used when delivering a lecture. "I'm usually going somewhere, so I ask him where that somewhere is and he says "It's over there!" "But you already know where you're going," said the Snail. "Exactly!" said the Wabbit "That's why it always works." The Snail shook his head. "Let me get this right," he sighed. "You ask the boy - but you already know the way." "Never fails," said the Wabbit. The Snail thought for a bit. Then he addressed the boy. "Where is the Museum of Natural History?" "It's over there," said the boy. "So it is," said the Snail and turned to the Wabbit. "Do you think he supports Juventus?" The Wabbit merely shrugged, so the Snail spoke loudly to the boy. "What way to the Juventus Football Stadium?" "It used to be over there!" said the boy.

The Wabbit and the Snail visit the Hospital

The Wabbit and the Big Blue Snail continued their stroll through the city. "This is a hospital!" said the Snail. "Yes, it's my most favouritist hospital ever," said the Wabbit enthusiastically. "How so?" asked the Snail. "It has the most fantastic snack bar," said the Wabbit. "In the hospital?" said the Snail, but it was more of a statement than a question. "Yes!" cried the Wabbit. "Everyone here likes the Wabbit and if I speak to people they are most pleasant to me." "Well for choice I wouldn't want to be here," said the Snail. "But," said the Wabbit, "if I had a broken paw, I could be treated here and then I would slip down to the snack bar in my pyjamas." The Snail thought the Wabbit was already wearing pyjamas. "I am rather peckish," said the Snail. "Watch this," said the Wabbit. "I will go and ask for refreshments da portare via and they will rush around and put everything on a little tray and cover it with foil!" "Really?" said the Snail, who was quite impressed. "What will you have?" asked the Wabbit. "A mushroom, fruit and leaves panino," said the Snail. "Subito!" said the Wabbit. He vanished and quickly returned with his order. "And is that a cardboard tray?" asked the Snail. "It is," said the Wabbit. "Nom nom," said the Snail.