3. Wabbit & Skratch take the Funicular

Like any normal tourists, the Wabbit and Skratch took the funicular railway to the top of the mountain. Skratch, however, preferred to travel on the roof. "I can see more," he told the Wabbit, "and I can always jump off in the case of an emergency." "Are you expecting an emergency?" asked the Wabbit. "Not really," said Skratch and disappeared. The Wabbit looked all round. It was a quiet day and passengers were few. The Wabbit fretted. He would have preferred the cover of a mixed group of travellers and he looked out of the window. In the distance he could see the approach of several foreign visitors, three mothers with babies in buggies, a man with a suitcase and a punk rocker wearing a studded collar. "Perfect, no-one will ever notice me," thought the Wabbit and settled unobtrusively into his bench. He could hear Skratch stretching on the metal roof and he hoped that no-one else could. The guard closed the doors officiously, the driver pulled a lever and the train lurched forward. The way was steep and suddenly the train seemed to climb vertically. A passenger became very flustered. "On funiculars, I worry the whole way that the train will crash down the mountainside," he moaned. There was a resounding snort and guffaws from Skratch on the roof. "What was that?" said a child. "Mice," said the Wabbit.

2. The Wabbit serves Coffee

The Wabbit replaced the waiter as arranged and waited for his contact. He was unsurprised when he saw his sometime adversary Scratch, since his mission papers indicated the use of Skratch's particular skills. Skratch waved a paw frantically and the Wabbit started a coded exchange. "Buongiorno Signor Gatto, what may I get you?" "I will have a cappuccino," said Skratch. "We do not serve cappuccino after 11 a.m.,” said the Wabbit and effected disapproval. “I am a cat and have special dietary requirements," said Skratch. "In that case," said the Wabbit, "I will serve you an espresso and a saucer of milk on the side." "That will do nicely," purred Skratch,"will you froth it lightly?" The Wabbit turned and pulled many levers. Then he pushed a few buttons, scrutinised some dials and rattled some cups for dramatic effect. The cafe filled with sounds of burbling and hissing and a delicious coffee smell floated in the air. Under cover of the noise, Skratch and the Wabbit bent their heads together." "The box is well guarded,” said Skratch. "I will create a diversion," said the Wabbit," while you retrieve the box.” "What kind of a diversion?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit didn't really know because he hadn't thought of one. He nodded sagely. "Oh, don't worry Skratch. You do your job and you'll know when it happens.” "What's in the box?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit hadn't the foggiest notion about that either so he pretended to think for a while. "Something importantly important," he said finally.

1, The Wabbit gets Orders from HQ

"New orders for you have just come in from HQ," said Lapinette. "Then I must fly," said the Wabbit. "I'll requisition a helichopper," said Lapinette and wiggled her ears and listened. "It's waiting at Piazza Piero Della Francesca," she said. It was only a short hop and the Wabbit climbed on board. "A little cramped around here for my liking," said Lapinettte as she took off vertically to a hover and banked off at maximum peformance. All of the Wabbit's 28 teeth rattled furiously. "How do you do that with no paws," chattered the Wabbit. "It's a military secret," replied Lapinette. "I have top wabbit-1 clearance," said the Wabbit. "This is born secret," said Lapinette. "Oh really," said the Wabbit and sulked briefly. "I'll drop you off at the target zone. You're on your own from there," instructed Lapinette. "Nothing new then," thought the Wabbit and looked at his papers. It was complicated. A copy of La Stampa was marked with pinpricks in the animal section, La Zampa, and the Wabbit had to match the third letter in each article with a number. That corresponded with paragraphs in Schrödinger's Wabbits: The Many Worlds of Quantum. "Phew," said the Wabbit and decoded. Roo fto psat Su pe rga Dom esta irf ind bur nb ox. "I'll need a full body harness," said the Wabbit. "Ooooh," said Lapinette.

The Wabbit gets more than Carrots at the Market

Lapinette cut into the Wabbit's story. "I want curly carrots," she said. "Straight carrots are not for me. And I need some celery chunks." The Wabbit looked at Lapinette cautiously. " I hope you're not planning an experiment with quantum mechanics." "No," said Lapinette, "I was thinking of lunch." "By coincidence," said the Wabbit, "that brings me to the end of my story. Our journey was rapid. When the train pulled into a station called Spices, Ghost Bunny indicated that she would alight there for provisions." "It is my understanding," said Lapinette, "that ghosts do not require provisions." The Wabbit nodded his head vigorously. "But this was no ordinary ghost. She produced a tiny shopping bag, which became quite large, and a loyalty card for the supermarket." "Now you're pulling my leg," said Lapinette and tapped the Wabbit none too lightly on the shin. The Wabbit was adamant. "The card said Ms G Bunny and there was very long number." "What next?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit shrugged. "I have to admit I fell asleep. All that travel is quite tiring. When I woke, I was sitting on a bench just over there." "If you teleported here, perhaps you're not the original Wabbit," said Lapinette. "Where's your emergency coin?" The Wabbit frantically patted his fur all over and made a face. "It's the original," said Lapinette. "So what became of Ghost Bunny?" "I suppose she went back to Pluto," said the Wabbit. "Noooooh not likely," wailed Ghost Bunny.

The Wabbit gets Scientific (with some help)

The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette finished their aperitivi and headed to the market for carrots. As they hopped along, the Wabbit pressed on with his story. When he noticed Lapinette looking a little quizzical he stopped. "Look," said the Wabbit, "it was indeed a ghost wabbit and she said she would like to frighten me on my way. So she floated into the lift with me and down we went." "A ghost wabbit?" asked Lapinette. "Are you sure?" "Yes," said the Wabbit. "She came from the ghost field - or so she said. Does that might make sense to you." "It does," nodded Lapinette and flapped her ears in excitement. "Ghost fields keep wormholes stable so that you can travel a long way quickly." "I told you, I told you, I told you," said the Wabbit too many times. "We passed through a big gate and a robotic voice asked if we had packed our own fur." "You always pack your own fur," said Lapinette. "I do," said the Wabbit. "But Ghost Bunny, as she called herself, uttered an algebraic sequence." "Uttered?" asked Lapinette. "Uttered," said the Wabbit. "It went as follows: r = a-κ²(4π²λ²/Δ²a). The Gate said "OK" and we just floated through and onto the train." "I'm impressed," said Lapinette. The Wabbit grinned ear to ear with all of his 28 teeth.

The Wabbit and the Ghost Bunny from Pluto

The Wabbit coninued telling his story of the space-time continuum and had Lapinette's rapt attention. "I had only reached page 28 of my book and suddenly I was there." "Wow!" said Lapinette and reflected. "It must be a ring singularity," she said finally. "Yes," said the Wabbit. "That's what it said on the platform - Ring Singularity Junction (Pluto)." "Was it cold?" asked Lapinette. "It was icy," said the Wabbit. "I snuggled into my winter coat and took the lift to the surface. When I stepped out there was a smell like rotten eggs." "Oh poo," said Lapinette and held her nose. "There was a kind of microclimate and basic transport," said the Wabbit, "so I had a hop around on one of these space tractor thingies." "An SEV," said Lapinette patiently, and explained about Space Exploration Vehicles. "It was a very bumpy ride," said the Wabbit, "and when I returned I was disturbed by a strange wailing sound." "What kind of sound?" asked Lapinette. "A haunting kind of sound," said the Wabbit. "Then a quavery voice said "Woooh! Welcome to Pluto Junction. I trust I have successfully frightened you." I turned and made out a ghostly white wabbit, hovering in the icy mist." "Woooh?" asked Lapinette. "Woooooh," wailed the Wabbit.

The Wabbit, sometimes at the Edge of the Galaxy

The Wabbit wasn't finished with his story and if he was bamboozled by Lapinette's knowledge, he had no intention of showing it. "I know where you're going with this and it isn't cut and fried," said the Wabbit. Lapinette dissolved into helpless mirth and nearly spilled her aperitivo. The Wabbit caught her glass and contnued. "The field carries a vortex which is the singularity of the curl of the carrot," he invented quickly. Lapinettte clapped her paws at this attempt. "That's mainstream physics. Tell me what happened next." Lapinette leant forward and gazed at the Wabbit. "The scene changed and the grass and the wabbits were gone. I looked down and noticed a Metro map." The Wabbit paused for effect and gazed back at Lapinette. "It was a 3-D picture map. But it wasn't quite right. The carrots and celery were there. But at the end of the line there was a planet and it was labelled Pluto." "Pluuuto!"squealed Lapinette in a high-pitched voice. "Pluto isn't a real planet, it's designated a dwarf." "That's very unfair, even if it is eccentric," said the Wabbit. "I decided to get back on the train until Pluto. "I hope you had your winter coat," said Lapinette. "And a book," said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit, Cold Fusion and Curly Carrots

As the Wabbit continued his story about the space-time continuum, he got rather excited and his ears fluttered in a spectacular fashion. "The celery chunks eventually finished their song. Then they stopped dancing through the pyramid lattice and started to hum. The humming got louder and louder until it was deafening and quite painful to the ears." The Wabbit stopped and became contemplative. He fell silent for quite a long time until Lapinette broke the silence "What happened, what happened, what happened?" "The strangest thing," said the Wabbit. "The strangest thing I have ever seen. Suddenly there was a whoosh as the celery fused." The Wabbit paused, "... with what I do not know." "In Quantum Fusion the carrot lattice elements would be displaced" said Lapinette. "Sounds like the Fleischmann-Pons effect." "The whosit?" said the Wabbit. "Cold Fusion" said Lapinette. "Ah yes, that," said the Wabbit. "Well it might have been. The metro floor turned to grass and wabbits arrived to sample vegetables. "Were the carrots curly?" asked Lapinette. "They were," agreed the Wabbit. "That may explain everything," said Lapinette. The Wabbit looked at Lapinette and his eyes grew bigger and bigger until they met in the middle.

The Wabbit and the Singing Celery

"How did you know there was a station called Risotto?" asked Lapinette, who was looking at her celery aperitivo with new found respect." "I didn't," said the Wabbit. It just jumped into my head. But the train drew into Risotto and the giant wabbit and I got off with the celery chunks in full voice. They quite drowned out the muzak." "Singing celery," giggled Lapinette "There's a market for that." The Wabbit gave Lapinette a warning glance and continued. "I led the way, although not by choice. At the top of the escalator, I saw a market stall. So I took up position by the vegetables and felt impelled to shout, "Carrots from Lazio. Just dug!"" "Just dug?" said Lapinette. "I kid you not," said the Wabbit. "Then, as the celery chunks drew close to the carrots, they assembled themselves into ornate spirals and danced.” "Fractal cosmology!" cried Lapinette. She clapped her paws in delight and demanded to know about the carrots. "Ah, I was getting to them." said the Wabbit." They gathered into a carrot pyramid lattices and then the celery chunks weaved in and out, singing." Lapinette smiled a knowledgeable smile. "Oh yes, fractal lattices. Now that might account for the noise you heard." The Wabbit nodded. "That's as may be, but they were singing "The Wabbit's a jolly good fellow, and so say all of us." "Spooky," agreed Lapinette.

The Wabbit in an Alternative Transport Reality

Lapinette finished her aperitivo and caused the Wabbit to order two more. "I'm guessing that the train came eventually," she prompted. The Wabbit was anxious to continue. "Quite quickly as it happened. I followed the wabbit into the compartment and looked at the stations on the map but they were all different. So I spoke to him." "In backwards?" asked Lapinette. "No. At that point in forwards just seemed to work." said the Wabbbit. "I asked which station was Pozzo Strada and he said Carote. So then I asked what station we came from and he said Sedano." "So you got on at Celery to go to Carrots," said Lapinette, "then what?" "Then he took out a shopping bag full of celery chunks and said he needed carrot chunks to make a stock." "It was a food reality," said Lapinette. The Wabbit ignored this and moved on. "I was staring at the celery chunks and they started moving around. They jumped up and down and started demanding carrot chunks. They were rather vociferous." "A holographic food reality," said Lapinette. "That may be," said the Wabbit." "But my new friend got up and said "I'm here and not before time. The celery can get very, very angry."" "What did you do?" said Lapinette. The Wabbit adopted a serious expression. "I persuaded him to sit down and stay on until Risotto."

The Wabbit is dragged into the Wabbit Way

Lovely Lapinette and the Wabbit had finished their carrot curls and celery apéritifs were on the table. "Frame dragging," said Lapinette, enigmatically. "In theory you should have seen no difference." "Probably you haven't been inside a ticket machine," said the Wabbit and sipped his drink. "Anyway it wasn't for long. Suddenly I was on the escalator as normal. And everything did look much the same. Except that I could see a very large wabbit in front and he was surrounded by a kind of radioactive glow." "Green I suppose," said Lapinette, looking at her celery apéritif. "It was," said the Wabbit, "and so was I." "Did you follow the wabbit?" asked Lapinette. "Yes," replied the Wabbit. "I was in the grip of a strange force. So, not having a choice, I couldn't help but notice that the glowing wabbit hopped onto the platform, looked up at the indicator board then sat on a seat." "Nothing unusual then," said Lapinette. "Well, he did say something in a complaining voice," said the Wabbit. "What did he say?" Lapinette leaned forward with an interested expression. "That's just it. He said "Niaga etal" and stamped his back foot. "Late again," said Lapinette. "I certainly am not," said the Wabbit. "Late again, pronounced backwards," Lapinette explained patiently. "KO!" smiled the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the Space Time Continuum

The Wabbit and Lapinette's food had arrrived and they set about their carrot curls with vigour. When Lapinette paused, the Wabbit asked "Shall I begin?" "Begin," she said. "I will," said the Wabbit. "I had to deliver a package to a wabbit at Pozzo Strada and I thought I would save my paws and take the Metro." "You're always saving your paws," said Lapinette. "Allow me to continue," said the Wabbit. "I made my way down the stairs and was going to hop through the barriers." "You just hop through?" said Lapinette. "I have a special pass," said the Wabbit. "There was no one around, which was unusual enough. And there was an eerie silence. I couldn't even hear the escalator. Everything was still and rather spooky. I made my way to the barriers and felt in my fur for my pass." "You keep your pass in your fur?" asked Lapinette with horror. "Doesn't everyone?" said the Wabbit. "But before I could pull it out, I felt a strange sensation as if my ears were curling upwards. I thought it was that draught the train makes when it's coming." "Your fur is standing on end," said Lapinette."Is it?" said the Wabbit. "It was the same sensation as I had at the Egyptian Museum. I looked at my feet and they seemed to be moving away from the ground. Then I saw my reflection. Starting with my ears, I was being steadily drawn through the narrow slot of the ticket machine ..."

The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette Eat Out (Again)

"Shall we have the Menu del Giorno?" said the Wabbit. "Depends," said Lapinette. "What day is it?" "It's always a good day when I'm with you," said the Wabbit. "Flatterer," said Lapinette. "While we're waiting for the waiter to bring the menu, isn't it your turn to tell a story?" " A story?" said the Wabbit. "Well as it happens, I do have a story that will make your ears flap." "Ooh," said Lapinette, flappping her ears in anticipation. "I can hardly wait." The Wabbit grinnned. "Just give me a moment whilst I recall the main themes, subplots and functions of the principal characters." "Wabbit!" shouted Lapinette and kicked his leg. "Here comes the waiter," said the Wabbit and he ordered for them both. "Subito, Comandante," said the waiter and vanished into the cool of the air conditioned restaurant. The Wabbit looked at Lapinette and assumed a most serious expression. "I must first ask you if you believe in Time Travel." "I should never have let you see Donnie Darko," said Lapinette. "It is to do with Quantum Nonlocality," said the Wabbit. "Similar to, but not necessarily identical with an entangled quantum state?" said Lapinette. "More or less, in the case of the story I am about to relate," said the Wabbit. "I'm all ears," said Lapinette. "Here comes lunch."

The Wabbit in the Urban Wasteland

The Wabbit had arranged to meet Lapinette at a desolate spot on the edge of town with no-one else around. The heat from the bare earth scorched the Wabbit's paws as he looked around. He grinned as he watched Lapinette hop out of Turbina the Jet Car. She clowned around making a lot of growling noises. "Grrr pussy-cat, grrr pussy-cat," purred Lapinette. She waved her paws up and down, miming a big cat from the jungle. "Most amusing," said the Wabbit, pretending to be annoyed. Clearly the puma story had preceded him and he wondered how far it had spread. "Quite far," said Turbina who always seemed to know what the Wabbit was thinking. "Now don't be a spoilsport, tiger," said Lapinette. "What kind of adventure was that, would you say?" "It was rather formal narrative," said the Wabbit, "with a beginning, a middle and an end." "You really need to lighten up," said Lapinette. "Are you still angry with the forestry man?" "Not I," said the Wabbit, thinking of the report he would write. He rubbed his paws together and smiled a sinister smile with all of his 28 teeth. "Shall we dine out?" he ventured. "Not here," said Lapinette. "Unless you want a fried salad burger." "I'd rather go hungry." said the Wabbit. Then they both giggled and giggled until even Turbina joined in.

The Wabbit has an Ethical Dilemma

The Wabbit was surprised by the conclusion of events which he, the Wabbit, had put in motion. Various authorities had arrived for Skratch and the puma. But now the puma looked cramped and there was grumpiness and complaints about the work entailed. Sometimes the Wabbit despaired and it was one of these moments. He shook his head back and forth because he did not wish to hear about documentation concerning licensing, validations, approvals, consents, authorisations, endorsements, authentications, attestations, compliances or evidential proofs. Even less did he wish to hear about poor conditions of employment, annual leave, long working hours and a host of other iniquities allegedly suffered by agencies who were supposed to work in co-operation with the Wabbit's department. The Wabbit looked at Skratch and Skratch looked at the Wabbit. They shared annoyed glances and grimaces were exchanged. The Wabbit was tempted to loosen Skratch's restraints, turn the other way and propel the puma back to the undergrowth and freedom. So the Wabbit hopped forward. "Do not poke, prod or otherwise torment this fine puma or I will file a special report. It will create so much paperwork that you will have no time off until your retirement." Everyone went pale except the puma, who was naturally beige. Skratch shook the Wabbit's paw and stepped into the bus. "Be seeing you," said the Wabbit, winking.