The Wabbit is unable to resist Performance Art

“Another fine square,” remarked the Wabbit as he pushed his way to the water’s edge. The Wabbit knew this one because of the song, which of course he started to hum through his teeth. “Three coins in the fountain, through the ripples how they shine, just one wish will be granted ... oh make it mine, make it mine, make it mine.” The Wabbit paused - because he couldn’t remember how many times that line repeated. He decided he did not care, simply because he had no intention of throwing his emergency coin in the water. But he had to keep up appearances, even if no-one could see the Wabbit. That was a general rule of thumb but the Wabbit had been caught out before. The Wabbit made a twist of his head and a soft plopping noise with his mouth. Everyone turned to look. The Wabbit just couldn’t resist it and he jumped on a parapet. “There they lie in the fountain, somewhere in the heart of Roooome.” Eat your heart out, Frankie!” thought the Wabbit. And then the Wabbit bowed and then vanished as if he had never been there at all.

The Wabbit in the Piazza Navona

“Oh it’s good to be out and about,” thought the Wabbit. “A change is as good as a rest.” Then the Wabbit decided it was better to stop thinking. He was always thinking. Sometimes he thought so long and so hard that he missed things in front of his nose. So he searched in his fur for the small guide book, thoughtfully provided by his benefactor, the Giantess. “Aha! This is Piazza Navona,” observed the Wabbit. “... and it looks very nice indeed.” The Wabbit looked at the tall obelisk and he could see strange writing, carved on the side. The guide book said that these were hieroglyphics, a very old language made out of signs and pictures. So of course, the Wabbit looked up and down the obelisk for a picture of a wabbit. He could see birds, cats and many animals but no sign of a wabbit. So the Wabbit went around the other side. And there it was – carved into the stone was a wabbit with very long ears. It was uncanny. The picture looked just like the Wabbit himself. “I’m older than I think!” thought the Wabbit and chuckled his way down the road.

The Wabbit wishes everyone a Happy Christmas

The Wabbit cart wheeled a long, long way then round a corner. And all the way he shouted “Christmas Day!” at the top of his wabbit voice. Soon, he found himself in the biggest square he had ever seen. The Wabbit thought it must be somewhere very important indeed. And then he heard a voice (he was getting used to hearing voices, so now he paid a particular attention). The Wabbit noticed that the voice was coming through enormous loudspeakers all around the big square and it was wishing everyone a Happy Christmas in many different languages. Then the Wabbit was astonished to hear the voice say “Get up on the fence Wabbit!” The Wabbit did what he was told. And then the mysterious voice continued, “ And a very Happy Christmas to you and all wabbits. “ The Wabbit thought that was awfully nice and he felt quite warm. “And a Happy Christmas to you too”, thought the Wabbit. “A Happy Christmas one and all!"

The Wabbit is transported to a Christmas destination

The Wabbit had been staring at the Christmas wreath and wondering about his travel arrangements. Then suddenly he found himself in a strange street outside a strange shop. For a second, the Wabbit was astonished. But then he understood. As if by magic - and perhaps it was magic - the Giantess had transported him without delay. He searched in his fur for his passport (which he didn't really need) and his emergency coin (which he did really need). They were both there! He was already on holiday. But where was the Wabbit? "I must be in Italy", thought the Wabbit, "because that sign means Happy Christmas in Italian." And as soon as he thought that thought, he felt the strangest sensation in his ears. The Wabbit found that he could understand everything that people were saying. The Wabbit was more than delighted, he was ecstatic! "Thank you Giantess", murmured the Wabbit. "But what shall I do now?" Of course there was no answer, because the Wabbit knew that what he should do on his very own holiday was entirely up to the Wabbit. "Que sera, sera", thought the Wabbit - and then he cartwheeled furiously down the road with reckless speed. Not one single person saw him do that, which was just as well for the Wabbit.

The Wabbit awaits news of his Surprise Holiday Destination

Full of excitement, the Wabbit arrived home to pursue his preparations. The children had decorated the door with a welcoming Christmas wreath and the Wabbit thought it looked quite nice. The Wabbit knew perfectly well that not every wabbit had a Christmas wreath on the door. The Christmas spirit had definitely seized the Wabbit. Now that he had organised everything, he was free to do what he wanted. No missions, no assignations or any duties of any kind were in his way. The Wabbit hoped that his surprise holiday destination would be revealed in the Christmas post. Perhaps it was behind the door at this very minute! Had the postman been? Would there be a registered delivery? Would the Wabbit have to sign for things? What if it had to be picked up? "Oh silly Wabbit, stop worrying." thought the Wabbit. "You're officially on holiday!" And the Wabbit smiled the biggest smile he had ever smiled and hopped into the house.

The Wabbit meets the Giantess and gets a Christmas Present

The Wabbit had reached his very favourite shop. It was the wabbit-friendliest shop he had ever had the good fortune to encounter. "But what could this be?" thought the Wabbit. The woman was so high that he could hardly see her face and it made him quite dizzy as he strained to look up. The Wabbit knew from Latin American wabbits that the Giantess was a popular cultural phenomenon - but he had never seen an actual Christmas one. What a surprise and delight for the Wabbit. Unfortunately the Giantess was so tall, that she could not see the Wabbit very well. But she could hear him. "Lagomorph, lagomorph, what would you like for Christmas?" He heard the question and, on reflection, he knew it was something he had not really considered. So the Wabbit had a good think. "I would like a nice holiday, Giantess" said the Wabbit shyly. "And you shall have it" replied the Giantess. "Prepare your passport and an emergency coin." The Wabbit didn't really need a passport, but he was delighted. "Thank you Giantess. Where am I going?" But the Giantess had gone and all that remained were the children, playing outside the shop. And then the Wabbit proceeded home, so pleased with his shopping trip that he hummed a little Christmas tune ...

The Wabbit searches for the right Christmas Card

The Wabbit searched for exactly the right Christmas Card for his relation, Chief Wabbit of Galloway. But there were no Chief Wabbit cards. There were Mums and Dads, girlfriends and boyfriends, aunts, uncles and all manner of relations. But the Wabbit could see nothing suitable. He felt - well, not catered for. Not a single wabbit, far less a Chief Wabbit. It would have to be a plain card, because the Chief Wabbit was very, very fussy about such matters and had been known to be become gwuff indeed. Even on Christmas Day. The Wabbit settled on a card that said Just For You and thought that he would write Chief Wabbit in, with a felt tip pen. There! It was all done except for one more thing. And then the Wabbit hopped excitedly towards his favourite shop.

The Wabbit is received with his very own Song

No sooner had the Wabbit left the Christmas display than he heard the sound of music being played rather well. So he stopped to have a look and a listen. And as he tapped a paw gently on the tarmac, he heard the strangest thing. He overheard one of the musicians say "Isn't that the Wabbit?" And the other one replied "Not the Wabbit! Surely never. We had better humour him, by playing him a song." And then they burst out in tune.

Rock on Wabbit/He's a Wabbit on a mission /He don't need no permission/to Rock and Roll
Right on Wabbit/His fur's in good condition/so we'll follow the Wabbit/
and we'll all wock and woll!

The Wabbit was very, very flattered - but at the same time he was a little embarrassed. So he clapped his paws together lightly then felt in his fur for his emergency coin, carefully placing it on the guitar case. And then he hopped quickly across the road, in case anybody else could see the Wabbit and sing more songs about him.

The Wabbit considers the duties of Christmas

The Wabbit crept between the children's feet and looked carefully at the Christmas display. He thought it was ... quite nice. Even although wabbits, as always, were excluded, he did think the bears were rather well-represented. But Arctic wabbits were so very, very lovely - and even though the Wabbit thought and thought, he could not come up with an explanation as to why these beautiful creatures were never considered. Then the Wabbit looked at the presents under the tree and wondered what was in the boxes. Christmas was coming and the Wabbit felt unprepared. What about the cards? What about the gifts? And most worrisome of all, what about all the Wabbit's relations? That made the Wabbit tremble slightly. Because wabbits have so many relations, it could make the festive season seem daunting. "Don't worry Wabbit" thought the Wabbit. "I wish them all well - and that's more than enough!" Satisfied, the Wabbit hopped in a sprightly way, bidding the bears a cheery goodbye.

The Wabbit invents the Automatic Wabbit Wash

No sooner had the Wabbit awakened that he was whisked off to do Christmas shopping. It was something the Wabbit liked to put off, although he enjoyed it when it happened. The Wabbit knew that he had to be forcibly encouraged. It was very warm in the car and sometimes it was too hot, since the Wabbit had substantial amounts of his own fur. Just as he nudged the climate control switch with his nose, the Wabbit was suddenly surrounded by giant brushes, which whirled and whooshed and whirled again. "My goodness me, whatever next!" thought the Wabbit. The Wabbit thought it would be very peculiar indeed of there was a giant Wabbit Wash where wabbits of all kinds queued to be cleaned. There might even be a premium grooming option which the Wabbit thought of as the Big Golden Wabbit Wash. The Wabbit murmured to himself about the possible options. "Six Wabbit Washes, get one free!" The Wabbit decided he quite liked Christmas shopping and chortled quietly in the way that wabbits sometimes do.

The Wabbit counted the days to Christmas

The Wabbit was home. And as he had anticipated, a fire was glowing brightly and flames leapt high from a monster log. It was almost as if someone had read his thoughts and provided a fire log for the Wabbit. The Wabbit lay down and snuggled. It was certainly worth going out in the ice and snow, just to come back! The Wabbit thought back on the events of his trip and agreed with himself that it had been a good one. But he knew that sometimes the Wabbit was prone to agreeing with himself - and it was something he especially looked out for. "Oh look you silly wabbit, Christmas is coming!" thought the Wabbit to himself. "How many wabbit days are there until Christmas anyway?" He counted 17 days, by tapping his teeth slightly. "Not long", thought the Wabbit. "Not long at all!" And then the Wabbit fell fast asleep.

The Wabbit dreams of a Log Fire

The Wabbit was at last in his very own street and although it looked far, his home was near enough. The weather had turned damp and wet. The snow was disappearing fast and that was good news for the Wabbit. His cousin wabbits in the Arctic could keep it, thought the Wabbit. “When I get home”, further speculated the Wabbit, “perhaps there will be an enormous log fire and I will dry my fur with speed.” The Wabbit’s fur was prone to wetness but deep inside the Wabbit was warm. “Next year”, thought the Wabbit, “I shall be more prepared for inclement weather!” And then the Wabbit was very tickled with his vocabulary and made a soft grinding noise with his jaws. Then the Wabbit spoke loudly to himself. “If I had any boots, I would be far too big for them!” And the Wabbit laughed and laughed and laughed

The Wabbit finds traces of incomers in his Neighbourhood

Aided by he warmth of Lagomorph Lager, the Wabbit easily made his way home. But when he rounded a corner into a familiar street he was stopped dead in his tracks by a strange sight. Or was it? "Eskimos!" gasped the Wabbit and he hunched down for a better look. The Wabbit was aware that not everyone liked the term Eskimo, but he knew no other. Anyway, the Wabbit was completely unaware of any Eskimos in the area but he acknowledged that there could easily be a small community. People travelled around, reasoned the Wabbit. Many people from different lands had made the Wabbit's neighbourhood more diverse and interesting. So had climate change made the presence of Eskimos here a likelihood? The Wabbit hoped it had, despite his cold paws. "I will return if the weather holds. Perhaps they might need help to build the igloo." And the Wabbit, resolved that day to be a more helpful wabbit in as many ways as a wabbit could.

The Wabbit pauses for a Photo Opportunity

One gulp of Lagomorph Lager and the Wabbit felt quite dreamy. It was better than he had expected. Light on the palate, it had an admirable aftertaste and a pleasant warmth spread to his cold paws. A camera was produced and the Wabbit pulled himself up into what he thought was an elegant pose. "I hope this doesn't mean I automatically endorse the product for all wabbits." murmured the Wabbit. On the other hand, the Wabbit was very impressed. "If the derogation comes through for the proposed Wabbit Headquarters this would make for tasty opening toasts" he thought. Thinking of that, the Wabbit also felt quite toasty too, and that improved the prospect of his journey home through the snow. So the Wabbit tucked his loyalty card into his fur and hopped to the door.

The Wabbit is made to feel totally Welcome

The Wabbit was relieved to find himself inside the store. Thinking he was late, he had given himself a lot of stress. But after all that worrying he was slightly early instead! The two helpful staff made a cosy tasting area for him and apparently they could see the Wabbit, which was no bad thing at a tasting. A bottle of Lagomorph Lager ws brought to his table and - in a kind of ceremony - he was presented with an Oddbins loyalty card. "Oh I do like this !" thought the Wabbit. "I may come again." Then the Wabbit realised he had not actually tasted the Lagomorph Lager. He was so overwhelmed with the experience that he had completely forgotten the object of his journey. "Oh I am a silly wabbit sometimes.", thought the Wabbit, and smiled.