5. Wabsworth and the Wabbit's Project

The Wabbit and Lapinette tracked Wabsworth down to Campo de' Fiori. He'd been strolling amongst the market stalls but hadn't bought anything. He was delighted to see the Wabbit and even more delighted to find he'd been brought a project. He grabbed the camera. "We can't open it and .." said the Wabbit. With a flick of his wrist, Wabsworth opened the casing. It seemed incomplete but the rudiments of a movie camera were inside. "What's the problem?" he ventured. Lapinette jumped up and down. "When we look through the viewfinder, we can see skeletrons, moving around alive like you or me." Wabsworth examined it. "Like that skeleton behind us." Lapinette and the Wabbit looked behind but could see nothing. They shook their heads. "You can see one?" asked Lapinette. "Yes, replied Wabsworth, "I have superior senses to you." The skeleton rolled back his head and roared with laughter. "I heard that," said Lapinette. "So did I" The Wabbit nodded with vigour. "It's a hologram," grinned Wabsworth. "This unusual camera has been adapted to project holographically. With a sense of humour." He flicked a switch and Lapinette and the Wabbit could see the skeleton. He flicked the switch the other way. The skeleton disappeared entirely. But so did the Wabbit. Wabsworth gave the camera a shake. The Wabbit reappeared. "Intermittent fault," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit groped his fur to see if he was really back. "I don't believe it!"

4. The Wabbit and the Skeleton Chair

"Let me have the camera," said Lapinette. She looked through the viewfinder and there were three skeletons. They seemed to be window shopping. "Skeletrons all right," she murmured. The Wabbit could see nothing, only an old chair. "I can see an old chair with the springs sticking out." Lapinette laughed. "So can I." The Wabbit grabbed the camera. Now he could see three skeletons. He handed it back with a grimace. "Three ladies and a man," said Lapinette. "How can you possibly tell?" asked the Wabbit. "Pelvis and the head," replied Lapinette. She was a bit of an archaeologist in her spare time and had seen more than a few ancient bones. "I suppose the ladies are window shopping," said the Wabbit. "Oh," said Lapinette, "How can you tell?" "Just a hunch," smiled the Wabbit. Lapinette pondered. "I suppose the camera sees different things." "In time and space," said the Wabbit. Lapinette snorted. She usually knew better than to argue with the Wabbit, but she risked it. "Not on that chair they didn't." "Maybe they arrived on it," smirked the Wabbit. "They wouldn't have the guts for it," quipped Lapinette. "I suppose the chair's waiting to be recovered," said the Wabbit weakly. "That's enough of that," groaned Lapinette, "so what are we going to do?" The Wabbit thought. "We're going to go to Wabsworth, open the camera and take it apart." Lapinette groaned again. "With a skeleton key." 

3. The Wabbit and the old Movie Camera

Via Giulia warmed up under a cloudy sky as Lapinette and the Wabbit tumbled out of the church junk shop. They were clutching an old movie camera like treasure. The Wabbit moved the viewfinder to his eye and squinted. "Needs work," he said. "What's that lens at the top," asked Lapinette. "It appears to be a light meter," replied the Wabbit. He knew the camera was eight millimetre but he'd never seen one quite like this. He moved it into the orange light from a hotel's Christmas decorations. "I think it used double 8mm. After exposure it would be split at the processors. It doubled the length." Lapinette shrugged. "What lab would you take it to?" The Wabbit gave a wry laugh."I rather doubt there are any. This camera's day is long gone. I'll take it to Wabsworth." Something flickered in the viewfinder. The Wabbit gasped. "That's strange." He looked again. "People look like skeletons. They're moving around. They look bad to the bone." Lapinette shrieked. "Skeletrons?" He reexamined the camera. It whirred. "That's funny. There was no film inside." He tried to open the compartment, but it was stuck fast. "Maybe there's a hare in the gate?" suggested Lapinette. "Very funny," grunted the Wabbit. "Let me see for a second." Lapinette grabbed the camera and looked through the viewfinder. "Aaagh! I don't like the look of this!" she squealed.

2. The Wabbit and the Charity Shop

Inside the doors was a warm and inviting space. It was a charity shop run by the church and there was every chance he might find an unobtainable item. He grinned with pleasure. His eyes flickered over the artifacts. There were objects of every possible description, and they seemed in no particular order. The Wabbit rubbed his paws together in glee. He was glancing around when he heard a noise. With a shriek, Lapinette jumped out from behind a giant vase. The Wabbit placed his paw on his heart in fake surprise. "I thought you were my assailant. Good thing I didn't shoot you!" Lapinette smiled. "My Wabbit. Is someone after you?" The Wabbit balanced between crockery. "Not in the Holy Charity Shop, I hope." Lapinette went to the door and looked outside. "Not a soul. Must have been your imagination." The Wabbit knew his imagination didn't need any help. He looked at the goods. "See anything that takes your fancy?" "Yes," laughed Lapinette. "As it happens, I saw a pile of ancient cameras." The Wabbit paid little attention, but it was a ruse. "Over there," she pointed. The Wabbit was an old hand at markets and thought if he showed too much interest, the price would go up. "Where?" he asked. "There," said Lapinette. "Oh, these old things." The Wabbit looked disinterested but he wandered over for a look. His eyes lit up and his paw stretched out ...

1. The Wabbit and a Hazardous Hop

The Wabbit wasn't strolling and he wasn't hopping. He was stomping. His feet hit Via Giulia's cobbles with each step. He was convinced he was being followed, and he wanted to let the follower know he was being followed. It was a bit hard on the feet. The Wabbit ignored it. He felt in his fur for his automatic. It was reassuring even if he didn't use it. He'd always liked Via Giulia, but tonight he felt an air of menace. Perhaps it was just damp in the air from an unexpected shower. He had a loose arrangement to meet Lapinette over by Campo de' Fiori - maybe for the cinema, maybe a prosecco. But he knew Lapinette liked Via Giulia so she might pass this way. A boot scraped on the cobbles. He looked behind him. There wasn't much of a sidewalk and loose cobbles made his passage hazardous. He cursed the slow rate of progress on the road and hopped across a deep pothole, scattering a few cobbles. There was that noise again. It wasn't really a footstep, more of a scraping or a grating. He noticed a doorway to a church he knew and decided to make a visit. At the very least he might throw off his tail. He smiled at his pun and made for the door. The noises died away. The thought of meeting Lapinette cheered him up, so he grinned and pushed his way through the heavy swing door.

The Wabbit's Famous Adventure Caffè

They met before the Adventure Caffè. Each had told the other they were going to get the whisky for St Andrew's Day. Each went separately to Doreca because they had the best stock of malt whisky in town. So they met outside by surprise. Lapinette hung on the door. "What kind of whisky would you like?" The Wabbit laughed. "Laphraoig with extra peat." They Wabbit would drink pure unadulterated peat if he could. Wabsworth was an android and expected to come up with something unusual."Torabhaig please, for the discerning android." Lapinette was expected to make an exciting choice but plumped for tradition - with Lagavulin. "A tasty and invigorating experience," she trilled. Skratch made an interesting geo-political choice. "Auchentoshan, a lowland malt with an Irish heritage." He sniffed as if he could already smell it. "Lapinette, off you go," said the Wabbit. "Put it all on the Department's expenses account." Wabsworth was dubious. "Will they authorise that?" The Wabbit grinned. "I'll sign it through as cultural spending." They all laughed. "OK, Skratch," said Lapinette. "What was that for a sort of adventure we just had?" Skratch meaowed. "It's a case of the parts and the whole." Lapinette swung on the door. "Yes, it has a seamless unity which merged with its own construction." Wabsworth looked serious. "In the tradition of the Moebius Strip?" The Wabbit felt a joke coming on. "Let's go down to the Strip, see what Caffè mischief we can rustle up."

6. The Wabbit and the Derelict Beach Hut

The Wabbit and Lapinette came stumbling out of a derelict beach hut on Fregene beach. "Do get a move on, Wabbit." Lapinette waved her paws frantically. "This place is going to vanish into the sea!" She hurried along, her tartan frock flaring behind her. The Wabbit looked unconcerned and gave a friendly wave to the Raven he'd left behind. But the weather was closing in. He heard a peal of thunder and glowered at the sky. "Accursed weather," he grimaced. He sank into the sand - which was beginning to shift. "Better get out of here," he muttered. "I just said that," shouted Lapinette. The Wabbit leaped over the rocks. "What about the tourists?" Lapinette growled. "Can you see any?" They made their way further up the deserted beach. They looked behind them. The beach hut crumbled. Rafters fell with a crash. Before long, the hut was gone. Wind blew sand across the remains. "What about the Raven?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit shrugged. "He'll be fine in his bunker." They knew the Raven's plans for a tourist revival were becoming remote. They turned and looked to see if any of the many seaside restaurants were open. Most were shuttered against the weather, but lights glowed from Il Delfino. "I can smell fish." Lapinette looked delighted. The Wabbit's nose twitched. "And prosecco." They headed in the direction of the restaurant. "Shall we enjoy a tasty meal?" He brushed sand from his fur. "We'd be foolish not to," murmured Lapinette. 

5. The Wabbit and the Raven on the Cloud

They rounded a corner and made their way through a bleak tunnel. It was half reinforced by iron rods and concrete blocks. Some one had built it to last. "Caw," said a voice. They came to a standstill. "I know that caw," said the Wabbit. Lapinette stretched her paws out. "So do I. Nice Raven. Nice Raven!" The Raven cawed again. "I'm not nice, I can be thoroughly unpleasant. I have my own cloud." Lapinette grinned. "How many ravens do you know, Wabbit?" The Wabbit stuck his paw in his fur. "Just this one. Same as you." The Raven fluttered. "Do you require a message? You may have one if you brought me power tools." The Wabbit laughed. "I'll put in a chit." Lapinette had her paws on her hips. "What is this place, Raven?" "This is the Bunker under the Beach. Built to repel nuclear attack." The Wabbit shook his head. "Scrapped?" The Raven cawed long and hard, then shrugged with its wings. "It fell under a spell. Things vanished into thin air. Just junk, dreams and this cloud remain." They stood quietly for a while, drinking in fresh air that came from a nearby inlet. "I suppose you want out," cawed the Raven. "That would be a plan," commented the Wabbit. "I'll take you, but I have a message for outside," said the raven. "This location needs refurbishment, tourists, coach tours." Lapinette folded her paws. "And a caffe-bar." The Wabbit dug his paw into his fur. "I'll put it to the Department. In the mean time, look out for that cloud or you'll be mist."

[Raven by https://pixabay.com/users/dshap-35921910/]

4. The Wabbit and the Storage Facility

The Wabbit and Lapinette dropped through the steep chasm. Sand gave way to bricks. They found themselves in an abandoned storage facility. The Wabbit picked himself up and dusted himself down. "Amazing what you find under the beach." On instinct he dug in his fur for his automatic. Lapinette was already on her feet and waving an edged weapon. The Wabbit felt a negative presence and he fired. Lapinette swung the blade and connected with something. She felt the blade carve into an object - but to no avail. "Something here," muttered the Wabbit. "Nothing good," growled Lapinette. She expected to see a sign, blood, hair, something. The Wabbit fanned the trigger, more for effect than anything else. He fired a few more rounds, just to watch bullets ricochet around. "Only ghosts." Lapinette shrugged. She peered into the gloom. "What's in the storage cannisters?" She tapped one with the handle of her knife. "They sound empty." In the Wabbit's experience cannisters were seldom empty. They both shrugged. Weapons at the ready they made their way along the passageway. Yet all the time they sensed a presence. Lapinette shuddered. The Wabbit tapped another cannister with his gun. "Oooooooooooh." The Wabbit tapped again. "Make yourself known." Lapinette tapped too. "Nooooooooooh." "I thought I detected a negative presence," snorted the Wabbit.

[Background picture: https://pixabay.com/users/conner-95506/ ]

3. The Wabbit as Clouds Rolled In

Things changed. The sky had been the clearest blue but dark clouds rolled in and rain began. Little spits at first, then all of a sudden, lashing rain. The Wabbit and Lapinette scampered for cover and took shelter by an old out-building in need of repair. "Ah well, worse things happen at sea," said the Wabbit. Lapinette gave the Wabbit a look and plucked an umbrella from her frock. "You think you're very funny." She put up the umbrella and they both sheltered under it. The building gave them a little protection, but the rain was approaching horizontal. The Wabbit was glad of the umbrella. He said so. Lapinette gathered much-needed warmth from the building. "Get closer to the wall, Wabbit."  He leant against it and muttered something about clouds and rain and general wetness. The sky grew blacker, and he heard a peal of thunder. He gave an involuntary shudder. "Do remember the cloud entity?" Lapinette nodded. "That was in Torino in specific circumstances." The Wabbit dug his feet into the sand. "I feel an adventure coming on." Lapinette did the same. "Nothing from the Department." "The Department is slow," said the Wabbit. At that moment he heard a noise. It was somewhere between a creak and a slosh. They both looked down. The sand was giving way. A chasm appeared. "Looks deep!" With a sudden lurch they were sliding. Lapinette grasped her umbrella as if it would help. The Wabbit grabbed her paw as they both vanished into an ever-widening fissure.

2. The Wabbit and Clouds on the Beach

The Wabbit had to meet Lapinette at the beach. It was a fine day with hardly a cloud in the sky. Lapinette climbed the rocks, bounded at the Wabbit and fired several kisses at him - all of which landed. The Wabbit pretended to lap them off and grinned. "No clouds," he said." Lapinette landed on the rocks. "Only a few contrails." The Wabbit looked up and saw one in the distance. They were close to Fiumicino airport and so any kind of vapour trails were visible. "Contributes to global warming?" he observed. "Minimal," responded Lapinette. The Wabbit thought he was funny. "Seeding the environment with barium?" Lapinette laughed. "Seeding the environment with drivel." The Wabbit stuck his paw in his fur and adopted a serious expression. "It's an evil scheme to poison our prosecco." "Nonsense, our prosecco is unharmed." replied Lapinette. "You're just part of the conspiracy," said the Wabbit. "Don't spray me," laughed Lapinette. They both giggled and rolled about. "What about the Cloud, what's it made of?" asked the Wabbit - when they had time to draw a breath. "Linux servers, mostly," responded Lapinette. They both giggled hysterically. "I'll take you for a drink," winked the Wabbit. "I'm floating on air," smiled Lapinette. 

1. The Wabbit high up in The Cloud

The Wabbit was exploring on his day off. He'd found a way in to the Cloud building in EUR, just to take a look and see what the fuss was about. He was impressed. What if all buildings could be like this - ordinary on the outside and amazing on the inside? He'd had to climb a stationary escalator because of some security hoo-hah - and was feeling in need of a refreshment. He looked all around. None of the bars were open. He shrugged and mentally formulated a letter of complaint. He knew that the cloud was a much-used term these days. It usually referred to available space on other people's computers and wasn't really in what people called the sky. Even clouds vanished pretty smartly in the upper layers of the atmosphere. The Wabbit decided it was a silly name but you had to call it something. He started to hum. "Hey you, get off of my cloud." He looked this way and that, to see if anyone had heard. There was no-one on his part of the cloud and that was just the way he liked it. A few spectators gathered on a different level. "Stay exactly where you are," he murmured. He imagined the world had stopped. "I don't suppose my judgement could be clouded," he thought. He giggled and made for a lift. He had to meet Lapinette and it wouldn't do to be late - so he'd better come down from his cloud. He went on his way, laughing at his own joke.  

The Wabbit at his Adventure Caffè

The team gathered at the Chiesa Nuova di Santa Maria before making their way to the Adventure Caffè. Lapinette had to pick up cosmetics at the Farmacia Langeli, and Skratch needed his special cat food from PAM. Skratch brought up the rear but was anxious to ask the question. "What was that for a sort of adventure?" Wabsworth was first. "It was hugely silly." The Wabbit joined in. "And ridiculous." Lapinette pirouetted. "That's not to say it can't be analysed. Skratch nearly pounced. "That's been the essence of every horror story from Frankenstein onwards." The Wabbit laughed. "We had ice mice, dragons and graboids - a mixture of science fiction and horror. Applying semiotics to each would be a monster task!" Skratch giggled. "Added to that, we had your famous disposable narrative." The Wabbit made a face. "We went for change and shock to elicit tension and fear in the reader." Lapinette did a small dance. "It was intertextuality again." Wabsworth was not to be outdone. "The Ice Mice are a constant retelling reference to a text that goes back to 2011 - with similar themes of weather change and environmental destruction." Lapinette danced for a bit. "Our graboids are the subject of fan fiction that transcends most genres." At the mention of genre, the Wabbit hopped forward. "The Ape Bar is over there, not far." They all hopped with him. and the team cheered. But the Wabbit paused. "Where's Tipsy?" Lapinette smiled. "Already there."

12. The Wabbit and the Quantum Mesh

The Wabbit was nearly as good as his word. With Lapinette safely aboard, Susan zoomed across the location and the Wabbit unleashed the quantum mesh he'd built in his shed. It wasn't quite ready and showed a lack of stability - but it worked. A vortex hovered above the creatures' nest. He never saw where they went, but they went somewhere. "Success," muttered the Wabbit. "Where did they go?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit shrugged. Somewhere in the inter-dimensionality of the universe," ventured Wabsworth. The scene warped behind them. The Wabbit was jocular. "Foot down Susan, we don't want to join them in the whatsit of space." Ancient fortifications bent like bananas and trees arched like bows but Susan flew right through. Tipsy appeared with the Graboid baby and they both kept up with consummate ease. Muttering and miaowing, Skratch clung on as a cat should. "Did you build this according to a manual, Wabbit?" "Made it up as I went along." replied the Wabbit. A supersonic bang sounded behind them. "Things are retuning to normal," observed Lapinette. The Wabbit gave a wry smile, which was his speciality. "Not quite. Subtle changes." Lapinette put her paws on her hips. "Wabbit!" Skratch giggled. Wabsworth too. "I programmed the vortex to leave a bar behind," said the Wabbit. Wabsworth chuckled. "Does Susan still have that cocktail cabinet?" Susan hung on a wingtip and dived. "There might be leftovers from when we gave Bono a lift." "Doubt it," sulked the Wabbit.

11. Lapinette and the Adult Graboids

Lapinette looked down, then lifted her walkie talkie and whispered. "I found them." They squirmed and wiggled and writhed below Lapinette's perch but showed no signs of having seen her. Lapinette backed off and let the Wabbit's voice come through the speaker. "How many?" Lapinette's ears flapped. "Three. No sign of any more. One of them has a large tongue." She wondered how to contain them. "There's solid rock here. I think they may have become trapped." The Wabbit was clearly thinking. Lapinette could hear his brain creaking. "Maybe we could contain them." Silence. He was having a long ponder. "I think a quantum mesh would do it." Lapinette thought too. "What?" "Oh you know, a black hole kind of thingy. I'll get Wabsworth onto it." The sun beat down and the beasts continued to writhe. Any tufts of grass that remained went brown and shrivelled. "They don't like sun," said Lapinette. "Useful to know," muttered the Wabbit. As the sun moved round, the creatures emitted frantic sounds and writhed even more. With a howl, their single eyes blinked and the shields that covered them closed. They began to dig down into solid rock like drills. Chatter vibrations shook Lapinettte's 28 teeth. She growled through them. "They're not trapped. So whatever you have in mind, you better make it quick." 

The Wabbit's Bunnyman Hallowe'en

In a break from the usual venue, the Wabbit invited his team to a bunker, deep in the mountains. The cave was lined with warning signs and radiation suits. With a sinister smile he pressed a button and a projector sprung to life. Lapinette squealed with delight. "A Hallowe'en movie!" The image flickered to life with a title card which read, "Bunnyman: Study Extract." The Wabbit touched the pause button and grinned. Skratch arrived together with Wabsworth. "Moving with the times?" The Wabbit's paw hovered over the pause button. "Everything changes." Skratch's meaow echoed down the cavern. "No axe?" Wabsworth nodded. "A chainsaw is always part of the current mode." The Wabbit hit the pause button. Footsteps sounded. The Bunnyman loomed into view. His image flickered on the roof. "I am the Bunnyman!" he leered. Lapinette drew close to the image. Her paw touched the image. "Yeuch" it's wet. "Just condensation," said the Wabbit. She looked closer. It was covered in blood. The Bunnyman leaned out with his chainsaw. Lapinette screamed as it protruded forward and sprayed blood. "I am the Bunnyman, and I'll get you rabbits." The Wabbit switched the projector off, but the image stayed. Then they heard footsteps again from down the cavern. "I live here," continued the echoing voice. "I'll be coming for you." The Wabbit tried the projector again but it was jammed. Finally the image faded. Skratch laughed. "Persistence of vision!"

10. The Wabbit and Ground Tremors

It burst through the ground, scattering rocks and spraying earth. Then it looked from left to right. Its giant eye became even bigger then swivelled reversed. It made a series of short grunts and moved forward then back. The grunts seemed disappointed. The Wabbit signalled for silence, but the creature sensed it. It let out a shriek and moved backward into the rocks. They all ducked behind the parapet. Somehow satisfied, the creature sank back into the earth. The Wabbit waited. When a suitable period of time had elapsed, he spoke. "What did you notice?" Lapinette piped up. "No mesh over the eye." "And it made a shrieking sound," said Wabsworth. "More articulated," said Skratch. "I thought it gave up too easily," said the Wabbit. "I think we're dealing with a child," offered Wabsworth. Lapinette shuddered. "Where there's a child, there are parents." Everyone shuddered. The Wabbit climbed to a higher spot and surveilled the area. "Could be anywhere. I'll contact Susan. Maybe she can find our new friend." Skratch gave a short meaow. "New friend?" Lapinette grinned. "He's of the dragon persuasion." The Wabbit spoke gently into his radio. "Hello Susan. Search for and establish contact with a black dragon. Meet here." "Copy," said Susan. At that moment howls and shrieks rent the air. "Oh-oh," said the Wabbit. "They can detect radio signals?" asked Lapinette. "Maybe they're going through a phase," quipped the Wabbit.

9. The Wabbit & Lapinette at the Old Fort

"I knew we'd find them here!" said Wabsworth. Skratch was still groggy after Susan's Drunken Rabbit manoeuvre. "Shh, we'll shurprise them." Lapinette and the Wabbit had super hearing and couldn't be surprised. "Skratch and Wabsworth have arrived," murmured the Wabbit. Lapinette shrugged. "About time. See anything else," she asked. "Nope," replied the Wabbit. He scanned the horizon. "You can come out now," he said loudly. Wabsworth and Skratch emerged looking rueful. "Bring any food?" said Lapinette. The Wabbit's tummy rumbled immediately. Skratch unearthed a somewhat furry mint lozenge. "Save it for the enemy," grumbled the Wabbit. Wabsworth's ears pricked up. "Incoming." The Wabbit couldn't see or hear anything. But he relied on Wabsworth. "I can hear it," said Lapinette. Skratch indicated that he too could hear something. The Wabbit picked up a low rumble. The ground began to tremble. "It's from beneath us," he yelled. Rocks fell. Then it all stopped. "Curious," he whispered. he motioned for everyone to stay still and be silent. He had no knowledge of any graboids in the area - but that didn't mean there were none. He picked up a rock and threw it. It hit the ground with a smash. A blue metal eye poked through the dirt and looked around. "Everyone! Jump on the parapet," shouted the Wabbit.  

8. Skratch & Wabsworth seek the Wabbit

Skratch and Wabsworth puzzled their way to a precise location. Susan had a fix on the Wabbit and Lapinette, so Wabsworth piloted while Skratch scouted. Then Skratch pounced down like lightning. He shielded his eyes from the light. He turned and looked up at a scorching sun the like of which he'd never seen. He looked down. His body was bending to the right. "I'm getting distortion here on the ground." Wabsworth wasn't experiencing any. Susan confirmed she wasn't either. "Looks like that sun affects only organic creatures," he shouted. Skratch bent his body in an exotic fashion. "Interesting," he meaowed. "Any sign of the Wabbit and Lapinette?" shouted Wabsworth. Skratch prowled around, sniffing. "Some signs of recent conflict, well covered." Wabsworth consulted his electronic kit. "Evidence of the Ice Mice." Skratch nodded. He bounded back into the biplane. "Let's execute a search pattern." Wabsworth pulled up the joystick. "I thought you were more of an on-the-ground feline." Skratch grinned. "I think of flying as a series of long pounces." Susan chimed in. "Shall we perform the drunken rabbit manoeuvre." Skratch giggled. "Oh please. Pass some cat grass and the sick bag."

7. The Wabbit and the Dragon Ride

"Let's get them!" The Dragon scooped the Wabbit and Lapinette up and with a flapping of wings, took off. They could just be seen far above the rooftops until they vanished into the clouds. Lapinette clung on for all she was worth and the Wabbit did the same. The Dragon bellowed as he went. "Get them! Rend them! Chew them!" The Wabbit tried to see, but all was obscured by the dark cloud that hung over the landscape. He could only hear the steady tick-tock flap of the Dragon's wings. Lapinette screwed up her eyes and tried to peer down but had no luck. She yelled to the Wabbit. "See anything?" The Wabbit heard her voice and called back. "Not a sausage. Hang on." He activated his supersonic glasses. Now he could make out the boulders of the Ice Mice fort. Tiny figures moved around. "We're heading for the fort. But we're high." The Dragon swooped round on a wing tip. The Wabbit felt a wave of nausea and switched back to normal vision. "I'm not sure how far. Close I think." Wind rushed past his ears, but it slowed. Then they rode the thermals together until the ground levelled beneath them. The garrison came into view. Fire snarled from the Dragon's mouth and belched round the fort. Smoke poured from inside. Ice Mice scurried for cover. Saucers took off at speed. The Wabbit grinned. "First round to us, I think." Lapinette stared at the glowering sky. "How many rounds are we playing?"

6. The Wabbit and the Dragon's City

The Wabbit swung round as the sky darkened. He heard the roar first. It moved rooftops. Steeples shook and bells tolled. He saw a creature rise, dark against a piebald sky. Wings flapped slowly and each flap brought a beat like a tom-tom drum. The Dragon gazed down. "I'm awe inspiring," it roared. The Wabbit looked at Lapinette and she returned his gaze. She swivelled and stared at the Dragon. She shrugged. "Awe inspiring? Yes. We can't think of anything better." The Dragon was astonished. "You're supposed to be terrified." The Wabbit grunted. "We're seldom terrified." "Bemused, maybe," said Lapinette. The Wabbit agreed. He nodded. "Wryly amused, baffled." The Dragon spat a driblet of fire. "Oh," he said. His wings drooped. The Wabbit smiled. "But maybe you could clear something up?" The Dragon brightened considerably at being asked his opinion. "Who are the creatures in the flying saucers?" The dragon hissed. "Awful fellows. They bring impossible new colours without a by your leave, changing the environment, redwashing as they go." "Breadwashing!" misheard the Wabbit. Lapinette tapped him on the back. "No Wabbit. Unclear and misleading green environmental claims." "I knew this was about the environment," chuckled the Wabbit. "It is the Ice Mice! Misleading us by changing colours." The dragon looked puzzled. "Who are these Ice Mice of whom you speak?" It was Lapinette who took her turn to hiss. "You'll know them when you see them." 

[Dragon by Annette Pendlebury  Pixabay]

5. The Wabbit and the All-out Attack

Lapinette and the Wabbit tracked the source of the trouble using Artificial Intelligence - and a fat lot of good it did them. Despite changing colour. the Old Abandoned Fort had been captured. The Wabbits were spotted immediately, and all hell broke loose. "Incoming!" yelled the Wabbit. "Take cover!" shouted Lapinette. Three saucers rose from behind the hill and delivered as much fire as the Wabbit had ever taken. "Just like the old days?" gasped the Wabbit. "Not quite!" said Lapinette. "They look like old and venerable friends the Ice Mice," said the Wabbit. "But they're not the friendly enemies we once knew," said Lapinette. "Big trouble," groaned the Wabbit. "Woe and tribulation," responded Lapinette. She ducked as what looked like an asteroid flew past her head. "That was no asteroid!" shouted Lapinette, "that was an exploderoid!" There was crump to the left and another to the right. Following the explosions, an orange-red colour remained, unlike any colour that could be explained. "Same tactics as the Ice Mice use," observed the Wabbit. "With more fire power, more sophistication," said Lapinette. Three detonations boomed to the rear. It appeared to signal the end of the attack but the Wabbit and Lapinette took no chances and hunkered down. "I don't think they're firing at us." Lapinette shrugged. "Then who?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette pointed a pointy paw. "No," gasped the Wabbit ...

[ Meteor and trail: GingerMarie12. Pixabay https://pixabay.com/illustrations/meteor-falling-star-asteroid-cosmos-6406580/]

4. The Wabbit and the Colour from Space

Lovely Lapinette and the Wabbit responded to a call from Pallazzo Madama in the centre of town. There had been odd sightings. More than odd, some said. They headed to the third floor and Lapinette stood in front of a shaded window. Nothing happened for some time. Then it did. The sighting was an asteroid and it exploded over the rooftops. It vanished. But it showered roofs with tiny particles - or so it appeared. "Did you see it?" Lapinette was fascinated. "I certainly did." The Wabbit was grumpy. "So what the binky was that?" Lapinette said it was an asteroid, but the Wabbit wasn't so sure. "It's an exploderoid," he said firmly. "No such thing," laughed Lapinette. The Wabbit looked grumpily around at the display stands. He didn't like ornate whatnots. "These ornate whatnots seemed to have turned black." "I think they're meant to be black," said Lapinette. "Are they?" said the Wabbit in surprise. "They're very old and valuable," responded Lapinette, "and belonged to the duchy of somewhere important." "That's not important right now," said the Wabbit. "Where is our exploderoid from? I think it's responsible for all the recent incidents." Lapinette thought for a minute. "Did you note the strange colour, not quite red?" The Wabbit thrust his paws in his fur. "I did, it was nothing I've seen before." "Not even in a cocktail," murmured Lapinette.

3. The Wabbit and the Tram Accident

The Wabbit and Lapinette headed home. But on the way a tram came off the rails. Normally that would be fine and fixable, but it was an awkward corner. The tram careered towards them and one of the carriages fell over with a thunderous smash, barely missing the Wabbit. The Wabbit picked himself up from the grass and helped Lapinette to extricate her kilt from the wreckage. She brushed herself down, adjusted her kilt and heaved a sigh. "That was no accident." The Wabbit checked for driver and passengers. "It's entirely on its own," he murmured. "Aimed at us," added Lapinette. The Wabbit stomped the length of the tram and back. "It's something to do with that fire yesterday. I can't tell how it's connected but it is." Lapinette knelt bedside the tram and sniffed underneath. "Doesn't smell like a tram. No electrical odours, no braking sand." "Watch out!" yelled the Wabbit. The tram lurched to the side. Lapinette jumped out of the way. The wreckage began to break into tiny pieces. Finally there was little left. Lapinette sifted metal filings until they too vanished. She turned to look at the Wabbit, "Curiouser and curiouser!" The Wabbit grinned. "Looks like a mystery for the Wabbit and Lapinette." Lapinette pirouetted and adopted a Nancy Drew accent. "I think we should take a walk in the fresh air and clear the cobwebs from our brains. The Wabbit grunted. "More than just cobwebs!"

2. The Wabbit and the Fire Without Heat

The Wabbit received a crackly call on his walkie talkie. The Department was anxious for him to confirm, and he set off immediately. He spoke to no-one in particular. "I think it's that mission Wabsworth was on about." Wabsworth's voice chimed in. "The second one - and you should really terminate group calls properly." The Wabbit growled "Out," and shoved the radio in his back pocket. When he arrived, Lapinette was already investigating. The fire had ravaged a pub, but things appeared strange. "Oh. You got here at last." She didn't turn her head. The Wabbit scrambled on top of the borrowed fire truck. "I hope you got a chit for this." Lapinette's voice was cool. "In your filing cabinet, under "e". "For expenses?" asked the Wabbit. "For expedite this immediately," replied Lapinette. The Wabbit paused for a moment. "Isn't that ember hot?" he asked. "That's the funny thing," mused Lapinette. "This was a raging fire this morning, but none of the ashes are remotely warm." She waved a paw through the flames. Nothing happened. "As cold as death's chill hand." The Wabbit shuddered. "I prefer cold as a dead rabbit's nose." "Now that's creepy!" Lapinette smiled and looked worried at the same time. She pointed into the distance. Similar heaps of embers lay scattered. "It appears to be spreading." "And all of them as chilly as the moon?" grinned the Wabbit. Lapinette grunted. "Chillier."

1. The Wabbit and the Electronics Store

The Wabbit bumped into Wabsworth, his android double, outside the electronics store. "Are you on special offer?" joked Wabsworth. "Very funny," replied the Wabbit. He couldn't help noticing Wabsworth's new tattoo, just at the corner of his eye. "New tat?" he countered. "They're all the rage," laughed Wabsworth. "I can fade it out and back at the touch of an internal sensor. The tattoo became invisible and reappeared. "Doesn't that defeat the purpose of permanence?" observed the Wabbit. Wabsworth selected his polychromatic programme. His tattoo flashed then switched off. "I get bored," he shrugged. The Wabbit's shoulders shook with mirth. "Any word from the Department?" Wabsworth guffawed. "You can have a choice of missions. A dull one with plenty of social and environmental meaning." He paused. The Wabbit's ears fluttered. "I've already sorted my stinky rubbish and been to the bottle bank." "Or you can choose a colourful mission with little or no social merit." The Wabbits ears rotated wildly. "The second one sounds good to me. Join us?" Wabsworth flashed his tattoo. "If you can't join them, beat them." The Wabbit laughed. "Your comedy subroutine is improving." Wabsworth leaned back. "I had a lot of fun with that." The Wabbit grimaced. "Let's go into the store. There might be gadgets." Wabsworth grinned and spread his paws. "I don't like the sound of it. Too much negative feedback." Then they laughed and laughed and laughed!

The Wabbit's famed Adventure Caffè

The team advanced on a new Adventure Caffè, which hadn't even been built yet. The Wabbit insisted that the Museo Nazionale di Risorgimento should have one and there was plenty of room. He'd picked out a suitable location and they were on their way to scout it out. Lapinette was so glad to see the Wabbit again, she threw herself at him, paws outstretched. The Wabbit maintained a stoic smile as was his way. Wabsworth showed obvious delight with the exhibition on the future of Torino and traced his paw along the calligraphy of various old adverts. A faint buzzing indicated he was storing them on his vast memory banks. What he intended to do with all the stuff he collected no-one knew, but his memory was huge and that didn't seem to matter. "Retrieval is everything," he murmured. Skratch was considering what kind of adventure the Wabbit just had. "Your ability to ingest or even engulf genres is amazing, Wabbit." The Wabbit smile was almost annoying. "It's a hybrid phenomenon of my own invention." Lapinette snorted. "High art and the Wabbit?" Wabsworth laughed and traced round an area in the display. "You set the paintings free through their own plasticity." Skratch agreed. "They left their boundaries behind." The Wabbit began to hop. Lapinette joined him. Soon they all hopped. "Are we free due to our own plasticity?" asked Lapinette. She rose gently and descended. The Wabbit stopped hopping. One by one they all became still. A dramatic hush fell. "We're certainly free of a drink until we build the new Caffè," whispered the Wabbit.

5. The Wabbit and Popular Opinion

The Wabbit shook his head and in conjunction with Tuccia, he thought of an idea. He'd canvass the viewers opinions. He borrowed a clipboard and did exactly that. He left Caravaggio's painting with an astronaut he'd just met and persuaded him to reframe and remount the painting. Then he allowed visitors to file past. In total he spoke with 180 visitors. The results were fascinating. Four people thought the astronaut was Caravaggio. Around half were convinced the Caravaggio painting was a fake but were unable to say why. Some eighty visitors held that the painting was indeed the original, pointing to the detail and fine brushwork. Two visitors had seen other versions in various countries, but liked this one better. One visitor thought that this was a fine copy using scan technology. All the same, he made a bid of several million for it. One was unhappy about his children seeing it and covered their eyes with a brochure. Another eight preferred the picture of the Wabbit but despite enquiries, couldn't find it. The Wabbit promised everyone the final results, but knew that although they were interesting, they were unsatisfactory. "Needs more research," he said. The astronaut nodded. "The last exhibit got a prosecco." "Coming up," grinned the Wabbit - and he called the bar. 

4. The Wabbit and Tuccia in the Window

"What are you up to Wabbit?" The Wabbit was fed up with waiting and took himself around the gallery. He was passing a famous sculpture that the Wabbit always called The Woman in the Window, but she was really known as Tuccia. "Nothing!" said the Wabbit cheerfully. "I've been watching you, Wabbit and you're definitely up to something." The Wabbit came clean. "I've been commissioned by the museum to see if visitors really know what they're talking about." Tuccia inclined her head. "Not many then." The Wabbit grinned. "I myself became a work of art in the process." "You think you're Ripley," said Tuccia. "From Alien?" questioned the Wabbit. "From Patricia Highsmith," smiled Tuccia. "As you well know, Wabbit." The Wabbit stuck his paws in his fur and shrugged. Now they heard voices from afar and the Wabbit went tense. "Are they looking for my image?" Tuccia listened. "Yes, and they're coming this way." They both froze. "Here he is," said an onlooker. "It's a moving exhibit. It's a miracle!" The Wabbit groaned. "I heard him," they yelled, "I heard him!" The onlookers were shouting with wild abandon. "Have some decorum," frowned Tuccia. "She speaks too," yelled the crowd, "A double miracle." The Wabbit was fed up. He addressed the gathering. "A miracle is primarily a Christian concept. But you can make us an offering." Tuccia laughed. "Go to the bar and get two glasses of prosecco." 

3. The Wabbit becomes the Picture

The Wabbit's fur could hold many things. But when he took out the object out, it became the original size. He struggled a bit, but he was in the right room and no-one was about. He offered the painting up then slapped a paw to his head. It was back to front. With a bit of effort, he righted it then attached the fixings. Finally, it was on the wall. He stood back. It looked as if it had always been there. Someone was coming so he turned to look at a different painting. An attendant passed it by as if it had always been there and disappeared into another room. "Phew," gasped the Wabbit. Then more people arrived and gathered around. They looked the painting up and down and discussed its merits. Then one saw him. The Wabbit froze flat against a wall. "Early depiction of a wabbit," said the viewer. "Late sixteenth or early seventeenth century," nodded another. "Just look at the brushwork." The studied him for a while. "The work of one of Caravaggio's students?" suggested another. "Lovely blues, just look at the pigment," said yet another. They gazed for a while. "Let's view the others and come back" said the first. They moved on. The Wabbit saw his chance and crept quietly away. The viewers returned but the wabbit had gone. "It's been stolen," they gasped, "raise the alarm." A frenzy broke out, but the Wabbit was far off in the cafeteria, sipping a Prosecco and chuckling. But his plan was far from complete ... 

2. The Wabbit and the Stolen Painting

The Wabbit made a sudden dash for the door and down the stairs. He was too fast for the waiter. Tucked under his arm, the painting threatened to escape, but the Wabbit secured it and carried on. He could hear cries behind him but ignored them. He scurried round the entrance and back into the museum. A handy corner afforded him a hiding place. Museum staff came and went. He could hear them as they searched for a missing painting. "Where is it?" shouted an irate attendant. "It's Just Stop Oil up to one of their idiot pranks," shouted another. There was confusion. There was yelling. There was consternation. The Wabbit smiled and shrank further into the corner. "I'm an international art thief," he grinned. Sirens wailed outside. "I seem to have caused an incident," thought the Wabbit. He activated a switch under his fur and all but vanished. Voices became louder. "What's been stolen?" asked a policeman. "We're looking for it," said an attendant. "Looking for what?" said the policeman." The attendant shrugged. "We don't know, we just know it's missing." The policeman rocked back and forward on his heels. "What's it called?" The attendant shrugged. The Curator loomed into sight. "Nothing's missing. The entire museum has been searched. Nothing has gone at all." The Wabbit grinned. His plan was going well.  

1. The Wabbit and the Quick Hop Through

The Wabbit was having a hop through the Palazzo Barberini Museum. It was full of fantastic old pictures which he fully appreciated - so he'd told no-one otherwise his friends would give him chapter and verse. He especially liked Judith beheading Holofernes by Caravaggio - which he found a little horrific. "Theatrically lit," he murmured. Then he smiled. He found his way to the museum caffè, which was quite a grand affair. He looked up. "Solar panels?" he mused. "Most intriguing." He mentally placed the museum on his private list, then called for a prosecco. "Subito, Commander," said a waiter and indicated a seat. "No-one is supposed to know I'm here," said the Wabbit. "I won't tell a soul," replied the waiter. The Wabbit sat down. He felt peckish. "Do you have a salad club sandwich?" he asked. "Best in town," said the waiter. The sandwich was huge. He devoured it with gusto and beckoned for the waiter to return. "Did Caravaggio like sandwiches?" "Oh yes," replied the waiter, "especially artichoke panini." The Wabbit indicated he would like one. "It's called a Caravaggio Club," said the waiter. He brought one and another glass of prosecco. He paused. "Commander, about that painting poking out of your fur?" "My goodness," said the Wabbit. "I thought something was uncomfortable."

The Wabbit's Adventure Caffè

The gang was on its way to one of the many Caffès in the shopping centre. Lapinette was in a good mood, and she bounded into the Wabbit's paws. "What was that for a sort of adventure?" she shouted. The Wabbit was in good humour too. "It was a mythical adventure, full of mystery." Lapinette was full of beans, and she yelled, "Our stories are the principle conduit of mythology today." Skratch meaowed long and hard. "That's a synoptic historical generalisation if ever there was one." Wabsworth laughed. "Symbolic?" "Skratch paused. "No, synoptic." The Wabbit looked cynical. "Are you referring to the gospels." Skratch was nonplussed. "I mean it as pulling things together into a common point of view." "Mathew, Mark, Luke and John," said Lapinette. "Haud the cuddy 'til ah get on," added the Wabbit. "Wabsworth giggled. "That was synoptic." Skratch considered. "I think I know what you mean. Herzog said we have no adequate images." Lapinette laughed again. "Warner Herzog ate his shoe." "Les Blanc was being disingenuous," said Skratch, "The production of your images, the Kelpie, demands new images. Otherwise extinction will occur, and the Kelpie will bring it." Lapinette's mouth fell open. The Wabbit interjected. "If I don't get a drink in a minute, we'll all be extinguished."

6. The Wabbit and up ride with the Kelpie

The Wabbit was returning home by boat and he thought it was all over. Kelpies were gone - as were Nessie and the Agents of the Wabbit. He congratulated himself on a job well done. He thought he'd continue down the Tiber as far as it went. But without warning one of the Kelpies appeared in ghostly form. It shimmered in a mist of its own making. "Want to ride on my back, Commander?" The Wabbit knew better and shook his head. But he smiled. "You were a good opponent, Kelpie. Now go back to the watery depths." The Kelpie shook his giant mane and sprayed water across the Wabbit. "You haven't seen the last of us. We can bide our time." The Wabbit grinned. "Bide on then." The Kelpie began to sink to the bottom of the lake until only small bubbles remained. But then he spotted turbulence and heard a groan and a whinny. The Wabbit knew the mythical creatures would return. He started to think. If he could make an alliance with the Agents of Rabit it could be the start of something bigger. The engines changed note and the boat increased speed. Soon he would be home. He leaned on the rail and sang a sea shanty - although he knew no seafarer in their right mind would sing one in these modern times. "Say goodbye to all your dear kin, for they hate to see you go. In your young prime to this place of mine. In the still loch far below."

[Up ride with the kelpie]

5. The Wabbit sets a Wicked Trap

The Wabbit set the trap and the Kelpies fell for it. Night came. Two Agents set out into the depths of the lake and the Kelpies followed. The Agents swam and swam until they came to a split in the waters. They looked back. They felt hot breath on their cotton tails and swam faster. The Kelpies laughed. They thought the Agents were easy prey and they looked forward to dinner. Without warning the Agents swam in different directions and a curtain of water fell behind them. "Where have they gone?" asked a Kelpie. They continued along the tunnel, but the Agents had disappeared. The Kelpies searched and searched. The Agents were nowhere to be found. "We've been tricked and cheated of our prey," said a Kelpie. "Let's go back and find that Wabbit." They turned once, they turned twice. The way back was gone. "It's this way," said a Kelpie. "No, it's that way," said the other. They were trapped by the lake. The lake began to grumble and moan and thresh. No matter what way they swam they were caught. "We're jiggered," said a Kelpie. They sank to the bottom. "We'll bide our time here," said the other. "Our chance will come again." They settled on the bottom. Their manes spread out. "We'll get that Wabbit," they said together, "We'll get him and get him good." Before long they lay quiet in the deepest part of the lake. Waiting.

[Kelpie by Adrian at Pixabay]

4. The Wabbit and the Search for Prey

The Wabbit went on a search for suitable prey although he knew little about how to handle the situation. He called in at a deconsecrated church he knew was likely to harbour some Agents of Rabit - and to his surprise found Lovely Lapinette. She was deep in a conversational briefing with Major Spitlove, his double agent. When he explained his plan, they were both horrified. "On no account!" said Spitlove. "No way. No prey!" shrieked Lapinette. Now the Wabbit had no intention of sacrificing Agents of Rabit to the Kelpie - even if they were his mortal enemies. But the plan was risky. "We just have to persuade the Kelpie they have their prey," grinned the Wabbit, "and then they'll chase them through the tunnel to Scotland." Major Spitlove was not convinced. Neither was Lapinette. She shook her head. "Too much can go wrong." The Wabbit paused. "The tunnel has several tributaries. The Agents will branch through them at the last moment, and we'll block up the main tunnel behind them. Then free fish for all." Major Spitlove nodded. "It's a plan." Lapinette grimaced. "You're sure about this, Wabbit."  The Wabbit was elated. Nessie assures me it's all in place." "You didn't say anything about Nessie," groaned Lapinette. She slapped a paw to her forehead. "Who's Nessie?" asked Spitlove. "A long-necked plesiosaur from Petershead," laughed the Wabbit.

3. The Wabbit and the Kelpies

They waited for the kelpies and sure enough they came. It wasn't as dark as they expected, and they could see every pore in the flanks of the sea horses. "I'll away out and meet them," said Nessie. With the Wabbit hanging round his neck, he plunged through the lake. "Ho Kelpies," he cried. The Kelpies were sinewy and made not a splash as they carved through the water. "Have you brought us prey, Nessie? Our sweeping is nearly done." The Wabbit shuddered. "This isnae prey lads, this is ma wee friend the Wabbit. He'll find ye prey such as you've never seen." The Wabbit grinned weakly. The Kelpies were huge, and they snorted and snickered and neighed. "We're a little peckish." The way they spoke together was uncanny. "Would you like to climb on our backs," they said in unison. "I don't think so," said the Wabbit, "but I know some enemies that would be foolish enough to do it." One kelpie laughed. "We'll see your enemies in hell." The other laughed too. "We won't be prayin for them. They won't be preying for us." He giggled at his own pun. "Meet you tomorrow at the midnight hour when the trees rise up and the water is black," nodded the Wabbit. The Kelpies grunted and groaned and vanished beneath the water. Nessie turned to the Wabbit. "Hiv ye goat any enemies handy?" The Wabbit shrugged. "I think I can scare some up."

[Kelpies by a countryman of mine - David Connelly. Kelpies]

2. The Wabbit and the Lost Lake

The Wabbit stared and stared as out of a lake came a prehistoric monster. This one he knew as Nessie, but he was hardly expecting him. "Och laddie, whit are ye daein' here?" The Wabbit grinned. "More to the point Nessie, what are you doing here?" The water frothed around his fearsome head. "Am on my holidays." The Wabbit expected nothing less. "Where are we?" Nessie drew himself up to his full height. "Its a natural reserve on the Tiber, sonny. Tevere Farfa. There a wee tunnel no one knows. Would you like a lecture?" The Wabbit shrugged and declined. Nessie continued. "Ah came here for some peace an quiet awa from all the Scottish havering." The Wabbit shrugged. "What are you doing at then end of my tube?" "Whit tube?" The Wabbit looked behind him. There was no sign of tube, shopping centre, traffic or anything else. "Maybe you're part of the legend, sonny?" Nessie shook water from his jaws. But the Wabbit was interested. "Legend?" "Sometimes on a dark and moonless night," said Nessie, "the great cry of the Kelpie can be heard." The Wabbit nodded. "They sweep the surface clean," continued Nessie, "and then they bathe in the crystal clear waters with their prey." The Wabbit laughed. "Have you seen them?" Nessie growled. "Aye, but no for long. They eat their prey and disappear beneath the water." The Wabbit raised an eyebrow. "Is that it?" Nessie shuddered. "Except for the farting." 

1. The Wabbit and the Shopping Tube

The Wabbit was taking a walk through a shopping centre he didn't know, when he spotted a strange tube. He investigated and found it was designed for children to plunge down three floors. There were no children around. Most found it far too scary and they'd decamped to the phone shop. The Wabbit wondered if he could try it. He looked to right and left, put a euro in the slot and poised himself at the top. He looked down, shrugged his shoulders and took off. It was hot and the steel took some of his fur off. But he whizzed down, twirling as he went. He got quicker and quicker and saw the bottom coming up fast. There was a whirl of shops. He couldn't stop. He span, rotated and gyrated towards them, then through them. Shoppers leaped out of the way as the Wabbit tumbled in the middle of displays. A manager shot out from a doorway. "Stop, stop!" he cried. But the Wabbit could do nothing. It was as if an invisible force propelled him onward. He mouthed apologies as he went. He saw a window and there was little else he could do. He hunched a shoulder towards it and with a grunt and a splinter he shot through the glass. For a moment there was traffic. But this gave way to a watery, pastoral scene of unusual dimensions. "What the binky is this?" said the Wabbit.

The Wabbit & his Famous Adventure Caffè

The Wabbit gathered the rest of the team at Testaccio. It was hot. Seriously hot. No-one knew which way to look. The waiter was writing things on the blackboard, bleached by the heat of the scorching sun. The very air felt singed. Skratch leaped from the depth of a nearby bush. "It's hot hot hot," he meaowed. "Never mind that," said the Wabbit. "Tell us what kind of adventure we just had." Skratch paused. "Then get me a drink." The Wabbit gestured behind him. "The waiter is busy." Wabsworth called to the waiter. "Creatures dying of thirst here." His voice carried all his android authority. "Arrivo," smiled the waiter, "I was just writing special half-price offer on Prosecco," He went into the bar. "It was an odd adventure, filled with symbolic meaning." Lapinette raised a paw. "Museums offer a discourse about the past." Wabsworth agreed, He knew little about the past, being an android, so he said so. "I see it as a social construct, modified by the view of the observer." The Wabbit laughed. "Then history is what we make it." Skratch screeched. "History lies in the paws of the state and is much modified to suit the ruling class of the time." They all nodded. "But it resists change and will bite the bum of people who try." He looked to his right and noticed the waiter arriving with drinks. "And no prosecco is the curse of the working cat." Then despite the heat, they laughed until they dropped.

4. The Wabbit and the Alarmed Exit

As Lapinette turned to look upstairs, an unknown force carried them to their next destination. "Maybe this is the end of our journey?" she said. She jumped in the air. So did the Wabbit. He danced an impromptu version of a highland fling. "This is the Museo Centrale Montemartini, and this is the exit!" Lapinette laughed. "I think we can get out of here, but it's Monday. The Museum is closed." The Wabbit continued dancing. "And exits are alarmed." Lapinette decided to dance too and pirouetted. "We can dance our way out." They danced for a while, but the door refused to open. "It was a long shot," sang the Wabbit. "Just a pot shot," replied Lapinette. They settled down and thought of a plan. "I could just kick the panic bolt and then we could hop it," grinned the Wabbit. Lapinette considered it. "Mmm, the police will come." She shook her head. "But they don't usually. And we could be long, long gone." They danced again. "Which way would we go?" asked the Wabbit. "You decide," laughed Lapinette. The Wabbit flung his arms in the air. "Up to the old gasworks and get lost in the old abandoned industrial archaeology." "Sounds like a plan," nodded Lapinette, "You first." The Wabbit kicked down on the panic bolt and pushed. The alarm went off. Police sirens wailed. They looked at each other and smiled. Then they did what rabbits do best. They ran. They hopped over walls and barriers. They tore across rubble. They swam across a small reservoir until they reached the old gasometer. They looked behind them. There was nobody. "I see a bar," shrugged the Wabbit. 

3. The Wabbit and the Meeters-Greeters

The pair were propelled at great speed to a stairway they knew quite well. This was the ethnographic museum and three figures looked at them in a gloomy fashion. "We are the Meeters-Greeters," said the bearded one. "Greetings to meet you," said another. "Welcome greetables," said another. The Wabbit thought they could look cheerier. Lapinette had a go. "Shall I tell you a joke?" The figures shook with mirth, but their expressions didn't change. "Did you hear about the general election?" The Wabbit was doing his best. "We have seen many," responded Topster. "Too many," said Tipster. "Nothing to laugh," said Tapster. The Wabbit changed the subject. "There's lots of beauty in this museum." "Gives me an art attack," said Topster. "Ha ha," laughed Tipster without smiling. They shuffled round. "There's an exhibition about the history of the wheel," said Tapster. "Quite revolutionary," said Tipster. "What do you call a fossil that turns up late?" said Topster. "Lazy bones," shrugged Tipster. Lapinette had heard quite enough and said so. She gestured behind her. "What's up stairs?" The three figures pointed. "A big step for civilisation," said Topster. Then they laughed and laughed and laughed. 

2. The Wabbit and the Gibble-Goblins

Followed by Lapinette, the Wabbit stepped out of the installation. Light and lines were gone. They were in another museum altogether. "What the Binky?" exclaimed the Wabbit. "This is a movie museum," gasped Lapinette. They hopped along a narrow platform, looking right to left. "Gibble-gobble, Gibble-gobble," said a figure. It looked like a goblin. The Wabbit stopped in his tracks. "Gibble-gobble yourself" The goblin thrust its beak out. "Don't tell Harry." The Wabbit looked at Lapinette. "What on earth is this fellow talking about." Lapinette pouted. "I think that's the wrong movie, Wabbit, ask Skratch the Cat." Like lightning, a multitude of goblins appeared. All gibble-gobbled wildly. The Wabbit put his paws over his ears. "Someone stop them. They're all saying the same thing. It sounds like the general election." Lapinette put her paws on her hips. "What's your policy on lady's toilets and gender?" The goblins were unanimous. "Gibble-gobble, Gibble-gobble!" they cried in unison. "Self-determination?" asked the Wabbit. "Gibble-gibble gabble," said the goblins. "Climate change?" queried Lapinette. "Gribble grobble groo," shouted the goblins. "That seems clear enough," said the Wabbit. "What about free drinks for all the workers?" The goblins all rushed for the door. "We didn't say for you," sighed Lapinette.

1. The Wabbit in the Art Installation

Lapinette had told him not to go in because she knew it would make him dizzy. This, he ignored. He strode into the installation like John Wayne. But he'd only gone a few hops when he was seized with giddiness. "Aargh," he cried. He lurched from the left to the right and back again. He looked up, but that did no good at all. He looked for a point of reference, but none were available. At last he placed a paw on something that seemed stable. He heard Lapinette's voice. "Are you in there, Wabbit?" He tentatively turned. He heard her say, "Are you all right?" He saw Lapinette emerge out of nowhere. "I'm absolutely fine," he said. "Never better." He slowly made his way along the surface. "I'll come and get you," said Lapinette. "No need," said the Wabbit with confidence. He let go of the surface and staggered round in circles for some time. Lapinette watched with amusement. The Wabbit located another surface and sat down. Lapinette hopped boldly forward with no trouble and took up a seat beside him. "I'm not keen on installations," he murmured. "This is by Esther Stocker, from the future," said Lapinette. "Oh really," nodded the Wabbit, "then that's OK." Lapinette put her paws on her hips. "Abandon your ways of seeing and understanding associated with recognition of forms!" The Wabbit stumbled towards the door. "I will - after I have an aperitivo."

[Installation, Esther Stocker. 2004. AR/GE Kunst Galerie Museum Bozen, Bolzano, Italy]

The Wabbit at his Birthday Caffè

The team gathered at an unusual venue. It was the Concert Hall Caffè where the Wabbit was celebrating his birthday. "Happy Birthday Wabbit!" yelled Skratch. He'd only just made it in time. The Wabbit smiled. It was a relief to see him. "How old are you now? asked Lapinette. "A secret never to be revealed," grinned the Wabbit. "You may be old," said Wabsworth," but you don't carrot all." Skratch snickered long and hard. "In the Flatlands we don't show any signs of ageing." They all laughed. "Look over there," said Wabsworth, "Someone's taking a photograph." The Wabbit shrugged. "We won't charge him a copyright fee." They giggled and slapped the Wabbit on the back. "We're forgetting to ask what kind of adventure we just had." Skratch screeched a bit. "AI doesn't know anything about stories, it's not a person." Lapinette stood up. She was anxious to get to her seat early. "There is no self-consciousness there," she said, "It just parrots off what it scraped from the Internet." Wabsworth stood up too. He was in the mood for Beethoven. "Self-consciousness is overrated." Skratch thought for only a second. He was already on his feet anyway. "AI doesn't understand jokes!" A cry went up from the other concert goers. They had been eavesdropping. "Three cheers for the birthday Wabbit and his team, and their jokes," shouted the photographer. The Wabbit turned and gave him a thumbs up. "You're paying for the drinks afterwards!"