12. The Wabbit and the Misjudged Blast

The Agents arrived in droves and descended on the biscuits. That part of the plan worked well. But no one ever knew what caused the blast. It may have been faulty electrics. Maybe the biscuits caused a short circuit. Or perhaps it was the Agents' enthusiasm. But there was a blinding flash and what was meant to be just a trick turned to chaos. Rommy the Wolf had a smile on his face though. Agents hurtled through the air amidst a hail of ginger biscuits. "That'll teach them," said Rommy. He chortled long and hard. The Wabbit was aghast. "That was some Kaboom! Steady on there Rommy." Rommy reached a safe distance, skidded to a halt, and turned round. He surveyed his handiwork. "A good mechanical will sort that out in seconds. I'll get Apollodorus of Damascus onto it! The Wabbit raised a slightly blackened eye. "Wasn't he executed?" Rommy thought for a minute. "Oh yes," he muttered. "He did get into bother. He was one for an offhand quip at the wrong time in the wrong place." The Wabbit nodded sagely - because so was he. He addressed Rommy. "That completes my tour for now." Rommy's face fell. "Don't worry," said the Wabbit, "perhaps I can keep you on for special projects. You'd like the odd per diem, no doubt?" Rommy growled in a happy fashion. "Now you're talking." The Wabbit and Rommy the Wolf strolled off in the Aurelia direction. "Just one thing," said the Wabbit. "No kabooming without my say so."

11. The Wabbit and the Deserted Shop

The Wabbit and Rommy the Wolf made their way into the shop. Everyone had fled, but they made sure the shop was empty. "Do you have a plan?" asked the Wabbit. "Do you? asked Rommy. The Wabbit shrugged. So did Rommy. A wolf's shrug looked impressive. Rommy looked around. "Do these things work?" he asked. "I think so," said the Wabbit. Rommy looked intrigued. "Maybe we could lure them in. What do they like?" The Wabbit thought for a minute. "Ginger biscuits," he said. Rommy wrinkled his nose. "Really?" "Everyone does," said the Wabbit. "Do they sell them here?" asked Rommy. The Wabbit shook his head. "I'll nip out for some," said Rommy and he vanished. The Wabbit watched him go. There was a coop nearby and that's where he thought he'd get biscuits. He tucked his gun back in his fur and glanced about. There were electrical things of all descriptions. He examined curling tongs. "Useful." he said to himself. One said, "Best for short hair." He tucked that in his fur. Rommy returned bearing biscuits of varying descriptions. "That was quick," said the Wabbit. "Nobody at the till," said Rommy. They opened the doors of the washing machines and placed the biscuits deep inside. "Now we have to call them," suggested Rommy. He placed a biscuit on a stove and turned it on. The smell of hot biscuits wafted through the air. "Like this", said Rommy. He shouted. "We're having hot buttered biscuits!" The Wabbit joined in. "We're having hot buttered biscuits," he called. He heard the scurrying of feet. "They're coming," said Rommy. "Get ready to shove the devils in ..." "And then?" asked the Wabbit. "We give them a good clean," said Rommy. "And neat curls," nodded the Wabbit.

10. The Wabbit and the Surprise Action

The Wabbit had miscalculated. The opposition - or both oppositions - were much better organised than he'd thought. They had commandeered the tops of buildings and were throwing balconies down in the street. Instead of watching them demolish each other he found himself dodging brickwork. He clung onto a road sign. Rommy was incensed. "Do you know it's my birthday today?" He growled and his fur spiked up. His eyes flared in a colour the Wabbit had never seen. "Who do they think I am?" said Rommy. A balcony whizzed past his nose. "Wile E. Coyote?" suggested the Wabbit. He ducked and dodged and complained all at the same time. "I suggest we take cover and let these rompicoglioni run out of steam," said Rommy. "I know where," said the Wabbit, "follow me." He hopped to other side of the road and down an alleyway. Passers-by dodged the hail of brickwork but when they saw Rommy they fled as their legs could carry them. The Wabbit and Rommy found themselves in a place that sold washing machines. "Best to wait here," whispered the Wabbit. "Do we have to buy anything," asked Rommy. "Not unless you're still in the market for consumer durables," grinned the Wabbit. "They play rough these Agents," observed Rommy. "Not as rough as us," retorted the Wabbit. "They got no respect," added Rommy. "So we have to teach them a lesson they won't forget," replied the Wabbit. He thought for a minute. "I usually kaboom them." Rommy didn't like the sound of that. "We should rend them limb from limb." The Wabbit nodded. "In what location should we rend?"

9. The Wabbit sets Rommy on the City

Acting as a decoy, Rommy the Wolf set off into the city. It was all his idea and the Wabbit was rather sceptical. The Agents were terrified of Rommy and so it seemed unlikely they'd be drawn out. But Rommy insisted. His paws struck fire from the cobbles and his eyes glared a dull, threatening red. "I'm a God," he said. "They won't be able to resist me." Rommy was at his most frightening and the Wabbit felt the heat in his fur. Rommy didn't move quickly. His pace was leisurely. His head searched from side to side. He glared into shop doorways. "Come out you Agents. Dare to fight the Mighty Rommy! Come out and be seen." No-one stirred. Nothing moved. The Wabbit followed Rommy by hopping along the rooftops. Together they made their way through Rome. It was as deserted as the Wabbit had ever seen it. Rommy growled softly. "I'll mince your chops, you verminous crew." But it was all to no avail. So Rommy began to inflate. His paws were twice their normal size. His fur shone like a thousand diamonds. When he bared his teeth, the very buildings flinched back. Then the Wabbit saw something. It was the Agents. Their horrid ears poked out from the eaves of far-off buildings. They were grouping for an attack, but it wasn't clear at what the assault was aimed. "Interesting," murmured the Wabbit. He called softly to Rommy and made a circling motion with his paw. Rommy nodded and disappeared round the back of some old houses. Now the Wabbit could see the Agents. They were comprised of two hostile groups - hostile to each other. The Wabbit grinned. "Major Spitlove!" He called to Rommy. "Back off Rommy, our enemies are making mistakes."

[Wolf by Steve Felberg at Pixabay]

8. The Wabbit and the Outraged Wolf

The Wabbit rounded the corner to find his plan had gone slightly askew. A group of Agents had assembled at a refuse dumpster and were making fun of the picture. Rommy advanced on them with venom. He roared and they scattered like billiard balls. One fainted dead away. Another was transfixed. Rommy's hackles rose and his mouth revealed devilish sharp teeth. The Wabbit waved a paw. "Rommy, this isn't in the plan!" Rommy roared again. "What plan? These foul creatures were abusing a wolf image. They must pay." The Agents of Rabit managed to dust themselves off and run away. "I'm pleased to see that the mighty cult of the wolf continues," said Rommy. The Wabbit sighed. "That's a garbage dumpster Rommy. The painting is part of an anti-graffiti, policy." Rommy grimaced. "It's the principle of the thing. Wolves will not be treated like chaff in the wind." The Wabbit knew Rommy was mixing his metaphors but felt it politic not to tell him. "I met with Major Spitlove at Testaccio - where you're supposed to be." "I was roaming," said Rommy. "Well good for you," said the Wabbit. "Spitlove is sowing dissension in the ranks. We must be ready to take advantage." "I think we already did," growled Rommy. They watched the Agents vanish into the city. The Wabbit felt that this might be in their favour after all - and said so. Rommy nodded. "They weren't expecting a God of Rome." The Wabbit grinned. "Then they're very happy or deeply unhappy!" "I shall cause them to come to my temple," said Rommy. "I didn't know you had one," joked the Wabbit.

7. The Wabbit and Major Spitlove

The Wabbit stood in an old cowshed in Testaccio and waited patiently. When Major Spitlove emerged from the shadows. He had a broad smile on his face, which was unusual to say the least. The Wabbit scowled. It would never do to smile at Spitlove and he was anxious to keep up appearances. Spitlove's smile became broader. "All going according to plan, Commander." The Wabbit's frown was as frowny as could be. "They buy it then." Spitlove nodded. "The whole body of Agents are thrilled. I won paws down. I am now leader of the New Model Rabit Faction - and Commander in Chief of the whole shebang." The Wabbit smiled a faint smile and revealed most of his 28 teeth. "That will keep them busy for a while." Spitlove had been a double agent for as long as anyone could recall. But boundaries were boundaries and the Wabbit wasn't expecting familiarity. "That joke Skratch suggested went down well," said Spitlove. The Wabbit's ears swung back and formed a question mark. "Why did the secret agent cross the road?" asked Spitlove. "He wasn't on your side," shrugged the Wabbit with a sigh. "I'm very popular with the rank and file," said Spitlove. "I'll bet," said the Wabbit. They strolled to the gate. "How's that wolf?" asked Spitlove. "Settling in," replied the Wabbit. "A formidable ally," said Spitlove. The Wabbit nodded in agreement. "Lie low for now, and wait for my command." Major Spitlove leaned back. "Remind me. What is your command?" "I haven't thought of it yet," said the Wabbit. 

6. The Wabbit and Terni's Reunion

The Wabbit and Rommy the Wolf wandered out to the Wabbit's favourite mast. The mast was sadly in need of a repaint but the Wabbit liked it. There he often met Terni the Food dragon - and true to form Terni came swooping down. Flame billowed from his pepper nose as he let out a blood curling yell. The Wabbit grinned with all of his 28 teeth. "Rommy, meet Terni the Food Dragon." Rommy's eyes opened wide with delight. "Terni, is it really you?" Terni hovered. "Rommy - I thought you were dead." Rommy blinked several times. "I thought the same of you. Didn't the clergy get you?" Terni somersaulted backwards. "I was much too clever for them. Now they eat out of my claw." Rommy muttered. "Clerical fools." The Wabbit was astonished. "When you two have quite finished, we have work to do." Rommy bathed in the heat from Terni's nose, turning round to get an even tan. "The Wabbit tells me he's having a spot of bother with his enemies." "Oh, is it to do with Spitlove?" roared Terni. "The Wabbit turned him, but I heard dragons' whispers indicating a change of leadership." Rommy matched Terni's roar. "Let's plot. I love plotting. But my troops are all gone." The Wabbit thought this was a good time to summon his own troops. "Why don't you two sort it out - since you're so pally. I'll round up my forces and meet you at Testaccio later." Terni and Rommy were lost in conversation and the Wabbit took it as read. So he quietly padded off for the bus. "Rommy hasn't met Tipsy," he murmured.

5. The Wabbit introduces an Old Friend.

The Wabbit and Rommy the Wolf ambled to the Largo di Torre Argentina. The Wabbit waved a paw. "And this is .." "I am Antiquicat," interrupted a cat. "He's my oldest friend in Rome," said the Wabbit. Rommy stared, then exclaimed. "I imagined you rather more orange." The cat meaowed. "I've had many lives and am quite ancient. I am therefore obliged to change my fur from time to time." The Wabbit grinned. "It's a Buddhist thing." Rommy looked round and saw the sign. "What's with the Ides of March. It's not March, it's April. So can we stop bewaring?" Antiquicat purred. "I do like your sense of humour. Are you an acquaintance of the Wabbit?" They settled down for a chat. "The Wabbit is introducing me to his friends," said Rommy. "I didn't know he had any," replied Antiquicat. He meaowed and screeched and held his sides. The Wabbit smiled amiably. Antiquicat continued although he could hardly speak for laughing, "The Wabbit comes to me for advice when he's run out of ideas." Rommy nodded. "He's a character all right." They chatted until it got late. Then talk turned to serious matters. "What about the Agents of Rabit?" asked Antiquicat, "I hear they have a new leader." The Wabbit lowered his voice. "Do tell." Antiquicat's voice was merely a squeak. "They call him ... Major Spitlove." The Wabbit could hardly be heard, his voice was so low. "He's one of ours." Rommy growled softly. "Wabbit, you have a double agent in the enemy camp?" The Wabbit nodded. Rommy snarled. "I like the sound of this. Just like the old days." The Wabbit tugged Rommy's fur, "Wanna join us?" Rommy suddenly rolled back and forward on the sidewalk, paws in the air. "We'll have a howl of a time!"