"Boo!" whispered the Wabbit. Jenny didn't turn. "I can see you Wabbit." The Wabbit smiled. "Need an extra gun?" Jenny swayed as a pirate should. "Quiet, Wabbit me hearty. I be in disguise." The Wabbit looked all around. There was hardly a soul in sight. He shrugged. "Looks like it worked." The both sat on the wall. Jenny nodded to the fishing boat. The captain gave her a wave. "I got a lift," she winked. The smell of fish was overpowering and the Wabbit thought about dinner. His tummy rumbled. "What's happening?" he asked. "The Akwat fish be proliferating and we don't know why," said Jenny, "They're becoming a menace." The Wabbit waited for more. "They be troublin' the waters, and they be as bent a barrel of fish hooks." sighed Jenny. The Wabbit resisted a grin. "What's their problem?" Jenny swayed even though she was sitting. "They be in league with some others. They be holdin' us to ransom." "Bigger fish?" asked the Wabbit. "Aye, and they should fry," sneered Jenny. The Wabbit thought for a long time. "Then we have to flush the big fish out. Let's lay a trap." Jenny growled and giggled at the same time. It was one of the most threatening sounds the Wabbit had ever heard. "Like that trap music my cook listens to?" The Wabbit looked delighted. "Exactly. We'll trap them with sound. What's their auditory weakness" Now Jenny laughed long and hard. "Stridulation?" The Wabbit cackled in a pirate accent. "A simulation stridulation stimulation..."
[def: stridulation: sounds made by animals and fish by rubbing certain body parts together.]
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Friday, February 28, 2020
Thursday, February 27, 2020
2. The Wabbit and the Fishy Business
Monday, February 24, 2020
1. The Wabbit and the Sunset Beach
The Wabbit was strolling along Sunset Beach when Lapinette caught up with him. "Wabbit! There you are!" The Wabbit laughed and stretched out his paws. "Did you find a new frock?" Lapinette bounced up and down. "I certainly did. It's being altered." The sun continued its downward trajectory and anything remotely red sparkled in the seaside air. "I like the one you're wearing," grinned the Wabbit. "You always do!" shrugged Lapinette. They made their way along the beach in search of a coffee. "Any word from the Lepus." Lapinette looked out to sea with pretend binoculars. "Jenny will be here on the morning tide." The Wabbit knew she was likely to bring orders from the Department. That meant a new adventure so he smiled and changed the subject. "I do like the beach. How many grains of sand are in the world, do you think?" Lapinette looked as if she was doing a calculation but she already knew. "Seven quintillion, five hundred quadrillion at the last count." The Wabbit was rather impressed, yet quizzical. "Who counted them?" "Mr Sandman," replied Lapinette. "I suppose it took him a while," said the Wabbit. "All day and all night," answered Lapinette. The Wabbit scuffed the sand with his foot and winked. "We can beat him." Lapinette spotted a good caffè and pointed. "We need coffee then." The Wabbit grabbed Lapinette by the paw and tugged. "We'll get a flask!"
Friday, February 21, 2020
At the Wabbit's Adventure Caffè
The team met at the Museum Caffè, which was one of their favourites. Skratch was delighted, and he came bursting in with his paw held high. "No need to ask what kind of adventure that was. That was quite a spooky adventure!" Wabsworth began to sit down. "I think I contributed to the overall spookiness," he said with a smirk. When Wabsworth smirked, his circuits became noisy and everyone heard them whirrr. Lapinette stifled a giggle. "I didn't like being in that jug one bit." The Wabbit nodded in agreement. "And I didn't like being the accidental genie and wish granter." Skratch blinked. "That is the customary approach of course. Yet wishes are only some kind of shortcut that avoid the hard practicalities of life." Wabsworth had been reading again. "Yes. Film is all about desire and wanting. Doing is quite another matter." The Wabbit rapped on the table. "Do you know, there are those who would conveniently dismiss our theorising and that is precisely what the adventure is about." Lapinette continued, "It was an aesthetic interpretation of a traumatic event and the exposing of the unanswered questions that underlay it." Skratch meaowed long and hard. "Aha! No theory, no answers," he mused. Lapinette clapped her hands just like a genie. "I summon the drinks and I summon them now." Everyone laughed and laughed, but the Wabbit cut the mirth short. "The unanswered question is - why aren't they here already."
Wednesday, February 19, 2020
6. Wabsworth and the Curio Collector
[sfuso: unbottled wine from the barrel. Usually moderately priced. Often the customer provides the container.]
Monday, February 17, 2020
5. Wabsworth and the Rabbit-shaped Cork
Wabsworth seized the jug while the Wabbit and Lapinette hopped well back and watched from a safe distance. Vapour wisped from the neck - but to no effect. "Good thing I'm an android," grinned Wabsworth. He dug into his fur, produced a cork he'd picked up in a market and slid it neatly into the neck of the jug. The vapour shut off immediately. Everyone sighed with relief. Wabsworth giggled. "I bought this rabbit-shaped cork as a present for you, Wabbit. It was a secret." Lapinette smiled an enormous smile. She knew that in the paws of the Wabbit a wine bottle didn't keep its contents long - so he seldom needed a cork. Wabsworth shook the jug, then shook it again. He held it up to his ear. He heard faint murmuring and detected an angry tone. He shook his head and gave the cork an extra thump. "That'll fix it for now." Lapinette and the Wabbit weren't convinced and the Wabbit glowered. "The plug's in the jug, what next?" Lapinette sighed. "What are we going to do with it now?" "I have a plan," replied Wabsworth. "We can't just leave it anywhere," frowned Lapinette. "Trust me," said Wabsworth. Lapinette pulled rank. "Wabsworth, I insist on knowing where you're going to locate it." "I know an appropriate jugstore," grinned Wabsworth ..
Saturday, February 15, 2020
4. The Wabbit and the Reverse Wish
The Wabbit looked at the jug and he could hear a commotion. But he was still dizzy. Lapinette beat a rhythm on the inside of the jar. "Let me out. Let me out." The Wabbit shook the jar but it made matters worse. He was aware there was someone behind him and he was aware it was Wabsworth, but he couldn't get a handle on the situation. In fact, he could barely talk. Wabsworth snapped his fingers and clapped his hands, but the Wabbit was robotic. "You have three wishes" croaked the Wabbit. He waved his paws. Wabsworth yelled at him. "Let go of the jar, Wabbit!" The Wabbit let go of the jar and it fell and rolled. "Aaaagh," yelled Lapinette as she rattled round the jar. "Two wishes left," groaned the Wabbit. Wabsworth closed up behind the Wabbit and he whispered. "Don't listen to any more wishes until I say so." The Wabbit turned and nodded his head. Then he sat down with his paws at his side. "I'm confused," he moaned, "and I wish I'd never seen that jug." Wabsworth smiled. "You're the genie apparently - and as such, you don't get wishes. But I do." The Wabbit slumped. Wabsworth leaned very close to him. "Now listen. I wish you to transfer my last wish to Lapinette inside the jug." A weight dropped from the Wabbit shoulders. "I cannot deny your second wish." He waved at the jug. Lapinette shook. The Wabbit saw her lips move. Vapour shot from the neck as Lapinette materialised on the path ...
Wednesday, February 12, 2020
3. Lapinette and the Double Summoning
Lapinette hopped along the riverbank enjoying the day, when she caught sight of a jug skimming the river. "Something to do with a gala," she thought - and she gave it scant attention, until the jug bounced in from the water and followed her up the steps. She frowned. "Litter louts," she murmured and made to pick it up. But every time she drew close, the jug rolled away until it was just out of reach. There was something inside that made a squeaky sound. "Gesh me ush. Gesh me ush." It sounded like a voice and there was something familiar about it. And there was something familiar about the contents. "Maybe it's the colours," she thought. The jug rolled closer and she bent down to peer inside. "It looks like a miniature version of the Wabbit!" she exclaimed. "Ush ush ush!" squealed the voice. She grasped the jug on both sides and what's when the trouble started. Vapour poured from the neck of the jug. Lapinette felt strange. Her legs turned to jelly and the world span round. She felt her head with paws that somehow looked like smoke but there was no head to feel - only vapour. With a hiss, all the vapours met. And just at the instant she was drawn into the jug, she saw the Wabbit take shape. He was standing on the path, just where she'd stood a moment before ...
Monday, February 10, 2020
2. The Wabbit and the Flight of the Jug
The jug took off at speed and all the Wabbit could do was peer out. "Wheee!" cried the jug as it span and tumbled. The Wabbit's tummy also span and tumbled. He braced his paws and clung to the slippery sides as best he could. "Where are you going?" he yelled. The jug didn't answer. The Wabbit got angry and he beat a tattoo on the glass. "If I'm your new Genie, I command you to put me down." The jug gave a kind of giggle "That's not the way it works." The Wabbit recognised the Turin skyline. "At least I know where we are," he gasped. Familiar domes sped past as the jug jumped and tumbled. The Wabbit ran his paws all over the glass to see if there was a control panel and at last he found small discoloured ridge. He pressed it. "Ooooh!" cried the jug and it began to fall. "You're going to make an awesome Genie," it shouted. The jug spiralled from the sky. The Wabbit saw the Mole Tower blur past, then streets, then the river. "You'd better prepare for landing," murmured the jug as it scorched along above the river. At this point, the Wabbit had no clue about up and down. So he scrunched into a ball and covered his head with his paws. The jug skimmed along the River Po like a bouncing bomb before it rolled to a stop on the bank. "How's your dynamic visual acuity?" asked the jug. "Transient," groaned the Wabbit ...
Thursday, February 06, 2020
1. The Wabbit and the Canal Occurrence
The Wabbit was between adventures, so he boarded a train, got off at random and then hopped around. The area was full of canals so he found a towpath and rambled in a carefree fashion. He agreed with himself that it was a very nice ramble. He paused to take in a picturesque scene and drew a deep breath of satisfaction - but there was something in the air. He could smell grass and damp and a bit of diesel - and something else. He spotted a large wine jug on the grass and he swore to himself it wasn't there before. He heard a suspicious hissing so he felt in his fur for his automatic and pulled it out. Then he felt a bit silly because there was no one around. So he pushed it back in his fur. But there was the hissing again. A faint cloud escaped from the neck of the jug, then stopped. It happened again. The Wabbit grabbed his automatic and turned. The grass shimmered and the ground moved beneath his paws and he staggered slightly. He shook his head because he was dizzy and he didn't know why. "What the Binky?" he mouthed. He heard his own voice and it sounded slurred. The cloud got bigger, then contracted and he felt a violent drag on his fur. He lurched towards the container with limbs like jelly as the jug surrounded him with vapour and pulled him in through the neck. Now all he could see was a world of green. "Welcome," said a voice, "You are my new Genie ..."