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Wednesday, July 27, 2016
10. The Wabbit in the Quantum Caffè
Quantum the Train continued to vibrate as he whistled down the hole in the Void. The Wabbit put his paws to his head. "My head feels this big." "It is that big!" yelled Lapinette. Skratch the Cat looked at the Wabbit. "What in the name of feline felinity is going on?" Lapinette hopped up and down. "This is the silliest adventure you ever got me into!" The Wabbit sighed. "You can say that again!" "This is the silliest adventure you ever got me into," said Skratch. The Wabbit looked out of the window. "We're still in a hole?" Quantum always spoke over the loudspeakers for effect. "It's more of a tunnel, Wabbit." The Wabbit groaned. "How long, Quantum?" "It doesn't have length exactly," said Quantum and he sounded his horn, a single tone blast that fried the ears of anyone close. Although this was without substance in the Void, passengers flinched and reached for painkillers. "That Emperor is not who he says he is," said Skratch. "Enlighten me," sighed the Wabbit. Skratch pawed the air. "He's a meddler, a buttinsky, an intergalactic pain in the backside." "A quidnunc!" hissed Lapinette. "What's a quidnunc?" asked the Wabbit. "A busybody who went to college," purred Skratch. Quantum's horn blasted again and his voice growled though the speakers. "Something coming our way." Lapinette's paws prickled. "What kind of something?" A bang shook the dining car as Quantum reversed Lattice Drive and sped backwards. "Something differently different ..!"
Monday, July 25, 2016
9. The Wabbit and a Transfer of Space
Susan the Biplane flew straight though the wall and emerged in a very different space. "OK," said the Wabbit, taking the controls, "what next?" Lapinette balanced on a wing because that was the only room there was. "What sector is this?" Susan banked, although that was fairly relative. "We're still in the void Ma'am, but there's a hole." "We're always in holes," sighed Lapinette. "I can transfer you," said Susan, "just give me a nanosecond." Suddenly space was full. Quantum the Time Travelling Train appeared over the horizon - if indeed you could call it a horizon - and he shimmered in the light of a strange planet. The Wabbit looked at the planet and smiled as a dozen red spiders cut across a silver dust ring. "We haven't much time," said Susan. "We're all going in. Think cargo." Quantum the Time Travelling Train turned a full circle and opened his rear doors. Susan looped the loop and flew into the hold. Marshall Duetta and her squadron of red spiders took up the rear and the doors slammed shut. Quantum vibrated as he engaged Lattice Drive and dived at the hole. The shudder was violent. Everyone felt ill. Skratch coughed up three fur balls. Lapinette's ears tangled round her legs. The Wabbit's fur polarized and he stuck to the fuselage. Duetta's spiders ejected a mass of web that filled the carriage. It was only then that Quantum spoke. "I'm afraid you're obliged to clear all this up."
Friday, July 22, 2016
8. The Wabbit and a Plane too Far
The Wabbit and Lapinette reappeared. There was no mist. All was quiet. The Wabbit wore a puzzled face. "This is the Metro," he nodded. Lapinette could see it was the Metro but it didn't feel like it. "Sounds like a train's coming," said the Wabbit. "Sounds like a plane's coming!" yelled Lapinette and she held fast to her ears. The Wabbit's 28 teeth jiggled. "A biplane," he shouted. They both ducked. "Susan Stooooooop!" yelled a voice. Susan the Biplane crashed to a stop and hung over the tracks. Her airscrew span for a while then it stopped too. "Hello Wabbit," purred Skratch, "where are we?" Silence fell while the Wabbit considered - then he shrugged. "In The Void." Skratch hissed softly. "It has a lot of stuff in it for a Void." Lapinette folded back her ears and straightened her frock as best she could. "We seemed to have quite filled it." Susan's engine burst into life and her airscrew began to turn. "Jump in," she said urgently, "before we're null and void." "Susan, do you know the way out?" asked the Wabbit and he hopped up on the rails. "I can try," said Susan. Slowly the biplane turned 180 degrees. "That looks like a wall," said the Wabbit. Susan's airscrew whined. "It's the way we came in, Sir." Skratch nodded. Then he felt his paws to make sure they were still attached. The whine was deafening and Lapinette covered her ears as they rocketed towards the wall. "Wabbit, this isn't an official engine!" "Daimler Benz," said the Wabbit. "Found it in a dumpster," purred Skratch and he covered his eyes ...
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
7. The Wabbit and The Void Show
The mist cleared. The Wabbit and Lapinette were watching themselves on a game show where Emperor Cuniculus was the live host. "Welcome to The Void," said Cuniculus, "and this afternoon, the Wabbit and Lapinette will be answering questions on ,,," The Wabbit grasped his chair and Lapinette's paw. To his relief, he found them real enough. "... on the subject of their Adventures," continued Cuniculus. "Oh no!" whispered the Wabbit, "I can't remember a thing." Lapinette looked carefully at the big screen and decided she needed a new wardrobe. "Let them sort it out." she sighed, "Let who sort which what who?" asked the Wabbit. "Those two them," replied Lapinette. She pointed at the screen. "They're not really us." Cuniculus drew himself up and waved a ceremonial paw. "Wabbit! In your Adventures, what is the coach number of the Tram who goes into the Late Tunnel." "2824," said the Wabbit under his breath. "Nine," said the Wabbit on the screen. "That is the wrong answer," said Cuniculus. "It's 2824." "That Wabbit's worse than useless," groaned the Wabbit. "Listen!" hissed Lapinette. Cuniculus addressed the screen. "Lapinette!" he shouted, "what is five to the power of zero?" "One," muttered Lapinette from her chair. "Zero," said the screen Lapinette. Cuniculus laughed. "No - it's one. You both answered wrongly so you may not leave the Void." The mist rose and tickled the Wabbit's nose. Lapinette felt her chair dissolve. Suddenly the Wabbit sneezed. Stage, screen and host vanished into the mist ...
Monday, July 18, 2016
6. Skratch and the Lost Wabbit
The Wabbit and Lapinette had been missing some time. Not a single sighting had been reported for days and the Department was in a state of alarm. Skratch and Susan the Biplane buzzed a parallel sweep across the city but there was no sign of the pair of them. "Anything?" muttered Skratch, although he knew the answer. "No Sir," said Susan. She dropped altitude and started again. "I don't have a rank," said Skratch. "I'm a cat." "You sound like the Wabbit," said Susan. Her airscrew sliced the air with a monotonous whine. Skratch grinned then paused. "Hey, wait a minute, I saw something." Susan circled and held steady. Skratch hesitated. "What I really meant was, I didn't see something." "Explain," said Susan. "It's curious," meaowed Skratch. "I can't see the Roman Gates." Susan dropped further. They could make out streets and grass and trees - but of the old Roman Gates, there was no trace. "What about that mist?" asked Skratch. "No mist was forecast," said Susan sternly. Suddenly she shot upwards but the mist followed. Skratch stared at Susan's wings. They shimmered in a translucent haze. "Should I be able to see through your wings?" he asked. "I'm disappearing," said Susan, "and so are you." The mist enveloped Skratch's paw and his paw vanished. He could feel it, but no matter how much he shook it, it simply wasn't there. "We're getting lost in the mists of time," hissed Skratch.
Friday, July 15, 2016
5. The Wabbit and the Rabbit Moons
[Regina nocias, adiuvo me nunc. Latin: Queen of the Night, help me now]
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
4. The Wabbit and the Dated Emperor
The Wabbit and Lapinette followed Emperor Cuniculus until he came to a church. It was the brickwork that attracted him and he felt it up and down. "This is more what I'm used to," he said. "I'm used to better than all that iron." Lapinette peered round a pillar. "What are you doing here?" she asked, "you're centuries out of date." Cuniculus drew himself up to his full height. "I am considered a modern reforming emperor. Quite the innovator according to the Gods." "Which Gods?" enquired the Wabbit. Cuniculus huffed and puffed and his eyes became redder than usual. "Oh, I can't remember. There are so many." The Wabbit smiled and let him off the hook. "You can't have enough Gods," he quipped. Lapinette tried to look serious. "Or temples," she added. Cuniculus winked at Lapinette. "They wanted to make me a God, you know - but I declined. Too much work." The Wabbit fidgeted. "That doesn't explain how you got here." "I don't know myself," said Cuniculus. "I was having a restless night. There was an enormous peal of thunder and I woke up here in this place -what do you call it?" "Torino," said Lapinette. Cuniculus looked astonished. "I must say I hardly recognise it. It's gone completely to the dogs." He paused. "But what of the Roman world?" "It's all European states now," answered the Wabbit. Cuniculus snorted. "But they all report to Rome, don't they?" "Not exactly," said Lapinette ...
Monday, July 11, 2016
3. The Wabbit and Emperor Cuniculus
"It has to be him," said the Wabbit. Lapinette shook her head. ""He's in fancy dress." Now the Wabbit shook his head - only more vigorously like a donkey. "It's Emperor Cuniculus." Lapinette wouldn't have it. "Perhaps he's a hipster." "Hipsters don't do much," said the Wabbit. Lapinette nodded in agreement. "What's he doing here, then?" she asked. Lapinette was wearing a look that the Wabbit knew well and so the he thought hard. "He's looking for his coins?" he suggested. Now Lapinette giggled. The figure turned and stared. Then he grunted in a bad tempered manner, stuck his nose in the air, wheeled and proceeded to the end of the bridge. "See!" said the Wabbit, "he's imperious." "That doesn't make him an emperor," sighed Lapinette and she giggled quietly. "Look Wabbit," she said, "That's not a robe, it's a bit of old curtain." The Wabbit became defensive. "Maybe it was the best he could do at short notice. He's come a long way" "It's just a coincidence," retorted Lapinette. The figure turned again. "I am the great Cuniculus. Kneel before me and pay homage." The Wabbit screwed up his nose. "I'm completely out of homage, but I'm on my way to the shops." "Kneel!" shouted the creature. "I'm not Neil, I'm the Wabbit." said the Wabbit, "but you can call me Commander." The creature raised a paw and a rumbling of thunder shook the bridge. "Oh, it was such lovely weather," groaned Lapinette. Cuniculus frowned and stamped his foot twice. "What land is this that has such creatures in it ..?"
Saturday, July 09, 2016
2. The Wabbit and the Surprising Dig
"This isn't what I imagined, Wabbit." Lapinette was none too pleased, but she carefully sifted through the building site rubble nonetheless. "I did my best," said the Wabbit. "It was short notice." By way of compensation, the Wabbit produced a bottle of Aperol and a filled glass. "The restaurant on the piazza would like the building work to finish." "I'm sure it does," said Lapinette. "And so would I." So far she'd come up with nothing archaeological but grit and dust - and most seemed to have gone down her throat. "They had to reroute the trams," said the Wabbit by way of conversation. "Oh dear," said Lapinette without conviction. She sifted a bit more. "Hello!" she exclaimed. "I already said hello," quipped the Wabbit. "This is important, Wabbit," sighed Lapinette. "It's an old Roman coin." The Wabbit shrugged. "Masses of them round here, you can't move for old Roman coins." Lapinette held it up. It has a rabbit on one side." "What's on the other side?" laughed the Wabbit. Lapinette turned it over. "It's another rabbit," "No emperor?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette gently wiped the coin with her fur. "It says Emperor Cuniculus." The Wabbit gasped. "Then the legend is true!" Lapinette looked puzzled so the Wabbit explained. "They say that for a brief period, the Romans were led by a rabbit of enormous power." He pulled a whistle from his fur and blew it. Then he yelled with all his might. "Down tools! Everyone stops work. This site is hereby closed until further notice ..."