For a while it rained with fury. The Wabbit was early and he snuck under an umbrella at his favourite table and sat it out. Suddenly the sun burst through and brought with it Lapinette, Tipsy and Skratch the Cat, all from different directions. "What's it to be?" shouted Lapinette. "Carrot beer and a salad sandwich," said the Wabbit with satisfaction. It had been a long adventure and he never had expected the intrusion of frackers. Just off the tram, Skratch bore down on the caffè with theories in mind. "That was a most interesting escapade." "Let's have some more," yelled Tipsy. Laughter ensued and when it died away Lapinette asked the Question. "What was that for a sort of adventure, Skratch?" Skratch raised an eye. "It was deliciously soapy." The Wabbit looked at Lapinette and winked encouragingly. "Soap," stated Lapinette in a solemn voice, "is entirely predicated upon matters of desire." "So it was all about your outfit," smiled Skratch, "and gender identity of course." The Wabbit stepped in before things got technical. "You didn't mention fracking and eco-horror." "Gender, genre, ecology!" shouted Tipsy. "Oh, won't someone get Tipsy a chair?" suggested the Wabbit, sitting exactly where he was and disguising a grin. "I can get my own chair," said Tipsy, "but someone else can get me a little dwink." "What's your poison?" asked the Wabbit. "Brandy, cola and sheared ice," said Tipsy. "I think that's called a Drunken Fracker," nodded the Wabbit.
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Monday, March 30, 2015
Friday, March 27, 2015
18. The Wabbit & a new Grand Daucus
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
17. The Wabbit and the Reverse Frack
Monday, March 23, 2015
16. The Wabbit's Quantum Dining Car
To some extent Quantum was like a normal train. He had a pleasant dining car and Tipsy had found an equally pleasant bar. "I like trains," she yelled. "Does anyone want a ickle drink?" "Yes," said the Wabbit immediately. Quantum hung in time, a zone in which the Wabbit felt relaxed. But voices broke in and he heard Jenny from the rear of the compartment. "What about my hat?" "It's still there," said Skratch. "Still where?" asked Jenny crossly. Skratch stretched his paws wide. "The hook of time." Now voices faded and Lapinette swam into focus. The Wabbit looked at her and remembered she was still in disguise. "What plan, Bunky Green?" Lapinette began. "Quantum has a Transwarp Thruster." The Wabbit nodded and Lapinette continued. "We reverse the thrust and narrow it to a photonic plasma beam." "Then direct it at the Fracking Entity." said Wabsworth. The Wabbit thought about it, then shook his head. "We need plasma photonic crystals." "Commander?" The Wabbit turned to Tipsy who pouted. "These crystals are one dimensional and highly dangerous." Now the Wabbit stared at Tipsy and started to smile. "Got any?" "I might," said Tipsy. She delved carefully in her fur and held out a paw. No-one could see a thing. "Where are they?" asked the Wabbit. Tipsy's voice was both serious and sultry. "You can't see them. They're notional."
Friday, March 20, 2015
15. The Wabbit and Quantum's Leap
The remnants of both Carrot and Artichoke Clubs waited at the Other Castle. But the Wabbit was uncertain. To beat the Fracking Entity he needed help but he was hesitant. "Call him." Lapinette was still posing as Bunky and straightened his tie. The Wabbit shrugged, reached under his fur and pressed a button no one knew existed. Nothing quite compared with a visit from Quantum the Time Travelling Train. Similarly there was no sound like Skratch the Cat yelling from a high place. "You interrupted basic maintenance!" "No time for that," said the Wabbit. "Some Fracker's giving us grief." "I have no time for these Frackers," said Quantum. The Wabbit was uncertain of Quantum's rank but he felt under pressure. "You will make time available." If there was anyone that could make time available it was Quantum. Everything froze and the Wabbit shouted "Ideas!" then looked around. "Now!" he yelled for good measure. "Now there's no now," said Wabsworth, who seemed to have recovered. "Or rather," said Lapinette, "there's a series of not nows." Jenny looked at her hat which hung motionless. "Now I've lost my hat." The Wabbit sighed and looked at Quantum. "We have the time and you have the energy." "Then shoot it," said Quantum. This was not what the Wabbit expected. "With the Arrow of Time?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit looked puzzled. "Entropy," said Wabsworth. "We'll run the Fracker backwards ..."
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
14. Tipsy & the Fracking Permits Folly
Monday, March 16, 2015
13. The Wabbit and the Big Frack
The team hit Lingotto running and they thought they'd shaken the Entity. But the Wabbit looked down the street and there it was. Tipsy vaulted onto a balcony and unleashed a hail of gunfire to no avail. The Entity was slow but its tripod legs could measure streets in one stride. "Stop!" yelled the Wabbit. To his surprise the Entity stopped. Jenny tilted her hat. "The message from the Broccoli Brigade! It was to warn us." The Wabbit had a think. "Go!" he shouted. The Entity snaked out a leg. "Stop!" commanded the Wabbit. The Entity froze. Jenny nudged the Wabbit with her hook. "Commander, it seems it will talk to you." "OK, Fracker," nodded the Wabbit, "what do you want?" The Entity's voice boomed over the roof tops. "I want to frack." The Wabbit scowled up at the Entity but it looked down and shouted. "Gas, shale, frack!" Lapinette winked at the Wabbit. The Wabbit winked back. "Look, Bunky, I know who you really are." "I know you know," confessed Lapinette. The Wabbit sighed. "So what would you do, Bunky?" Lapinette laughed. "I'd confuse it." The Wabbit wheeled around and addressed the Entity. "You have no fracking license." The Entity rattled its tripod legs and moaned. "Where do I get one?" "The Castle," said the the Wabbit. "Maybe I don't need a license." said the Entity. "You came from nothing," said the Wabbit slyly. "But now you may go to the top." "I prefer to go to the bottom," said the Entity. The Wabbit smiled. "You'll have to fight your way down."
Friday, March 13, 2015
12. The Wabbit & the Fracking Entity
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
11. The Wabbit & the Fracking Failure
Monday, March 09, 2015
10. The Wabbit and the Grayfield Zone
The Wabbit woke up. His legs felt like overcooked spaghetti and his head was no better. But he heard a soft thud and caught Jenny's automatic as it bounced over the wall. He peered over the broken bricks. "Hello Jenny, welcome to Grayfields." "What are we doing here?" asked Jenny. The Wabbit brushed mortar away and rested his paw. "I haven't the slightest clue." Jenny dusted herself down, and pushed the automatic down her skirt. "I have a confession to make, Commander." The Wabbit managed a smile. "How long since your last?" Jenny ignored the Wabbit's sense of humour. "I am only temporary Cardoom at the Artichoke Club." "Splendid," said the Wabbit. "You might consider joining the Carrot Club, we're desperate for members." Jenny span her hat on her hook, then put it on. "Perhaps I could become a Grand Daucus like you." The Wabbit grinned a shaky smile. "I'll nominate you." Jenny shook her head emphatically. "That honor must go to Bunky Green." The Wabbit's 28 teeth gleamed. "When this is over, I'll fill out the papers." They paused. "What about the Jolly Green Gas?" asked Jenny. The Wabbit wrinkled his nose. "Well, I do have a clue about this menace. If we don't stop it, the whole city is in danger." Jenny's eyes widened and the Wabbit tipped his head to one side. "Have you heard any drilling?" "I have," said Jenny. "See any extra trucks?" "Masses," nodded Jenny. "Fracking," said the Wabbit. "No need to curse," said Jenny.
Friday, March 06, 2015
9. The Wabbit's Attack of the Vapours
An acrid green vapour poured into the room. Tipsy got a taste in the back of her throat and she coughed with nausea. The Wabbit grabbed Lapinette and headed down the stairs but the vapour followed. "Do you have a weapon, Mr Green?" he shouted. Lapinette pulled a Saturday Night Special from her disguise. Even in the confusion the Wabbit noticed the gilded catches and mother of pearl grip. "Tasty," he muttered, "you surprise me, Mr Green." The fumes drew closer and Lapinette gasped and spluttered. "I was going to plinking practice later." The Wabbit wheezed. "Consider it cancelled." "Commander!" Jenny's voice was weak. She lost her footing and stumbled against the wall, but she managed to pull out an automatic. "We can't shoot vapour!" The Wabbit tried to yell and it came out a croak. He glanced back at Wabsworth to see that even his android double was stumbling. Lagso brought up the rear. His eyes and nose streamed and he tried to clear his head by shaking it, but it only made him dizzy. The swirling green vapour stank like antique garbage and it penetrated everything. The Wabbit began to see shady green meadows where grass and dandelions swayed in a gentle breeze. He felt drowsy and put a paw to his head. "I think I'll have a little nap." He was the last one standing, but not for long, as the deadly green vapour enveloped them all ...
Wednesday, March 04, 2015
8. The Wabbit & the Unexpected Shot
Monday, March 02, 2015
7. Lapinette & the Artichoke Premises
"It won't be ready in time," said Jenny. "It was supposed to be ready last week," said Lapinette. "They'll think we're broke," said Jenny. "We'll say it's minimalist," said Lapinette. A pregnant pause hung silently, but it was broken by a pop and a hiss. "We'll need more beer!" yelled Tipsy. Lapinette wrinkled her nose and envisaged the visit of the Carrot Club delegation. "Maybe they don't drink beer." "Of course they drink beer," said Tipsy and to prove it, she drank some herself. Jenny placed her hook on her hip. "We can always get beer, but we need more members for the official visit." "I'll move around a lot," said Tipsy. "Then I'll go outside and come back in dressed as someone else." Jenny mentally doubled the beer order and looked around. The premises were a recent acquisition and the outcome of an arrangement that involved stuffing envelopes for charitable appeals. "We haven't a stick of furniture," said Lapinette. "They can sit on the floor." Tipsy slid down the wall and squatted on the floor. Lapinette shook her head. "If we can't find more members, the Artichoke Club will be a laughing stock." Tipsy looked up. "I'll get Fitzy and Mitzy." Lapinette smiled. "They don't have to be female. Our Club is open to all, regardless of gender." "Then why have we only got three members?" asked Jenny. "Self discrimination!" shouted Lapinette.