The Wabbit's Conspiracy Caffè

The Wabbit hailed his guests cheerfully. "What will everyone have!"  Lapinette stared steadfastly at the bar while Skratch the Cat gave the orders. "We're having particularly large aperitivi and we're rather thirsty." "Subito!" cried the Wabbit and he snapped a paw for service. Skratch caught the Wabbit's eye. "Today, you should be the one to answer the question, Wabbit." "Not at all! Do us the honour, Skratch," said the Wabbit, "what was that for a type of adventure?" So Skratch placed a paw on a convenient table and leaned forward. "Technically speaking, it was a conspiracy but conspiracy falls short of being a single genre." "Because any adventure can be a conspiracy if you stare hard enough at it," added Lapinette. Skratch purred gently. "I believe that a conspiracy adventure has to be labyrinthine." "Mmm," said Lapinette. "I'm not sure the last adventure had the serial complexity that labyrinthine conspiracy requires." Skratch shook his head. "Well, the thing about conspiracy adventures is that they're never really over." Lapinette looked directly at the Wabbit. "I'm uncertain whether we've had the full story - or whether there's more to unravel." "Like a cat with a ball of wool?" suggested the Wabbit. "Cats have got better things to do than unravel balls of wool," grunted Skratch. "Like what?" smiled the Wabbit. "Landing on our feet," said Skratch.

7. Dénouement and the Wabbit

The Wabbit climbed down the ladder and waited for the inevitable. "Don't you want to hear what we have to tell you?" asked Lapinette. "I'm all ears," said the Wabbit and he paused for a moment and hung from a bar and swayed. Lapinette pointed. "This whole vanishing idea thing was our idea. "What?" shouted the Wabbit. "I'm your Commanding Officer!" Lapinette put her paws on her hips and pouted. "We're a team," she said, "and we deserve to be in the know at all times and not tricked." Skratch purred gently. "So we decided to take a leaf out of your book." "And teach you a lesson," added Wabsworth. The Wabbit was horrified. "Et tu, Wabsworth?" he cried. He shook his head and looked all around for his vanishing idea. "You won't see the idea again," said Lapinette. "They were holograms," said Skratch. "Designed to make you own up." said Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit appeared nonplussed. "How on earth did you get the budget for this?" "From the Dinosaur Fund, just like you," said Lapinette. "That's how we found out about the Orange Phantom mission," said Skratch. "There was an unexplained transfer of considerable size from that account." "Can't be much left in there now," said the Wabbit, ruefully. "More than enough for a big dinner," smiled Lapinette. The Wabbit brightened. "What's on the menu?" "Humble Pie," laughed Lapinette.

6. The Wabbit and Electrified Thinking

The team manoeuvred the Wabbit into one of his favourite places by persuading him that the electrical energy in the Old Power Station would jog his memory - and help locate his vanishing idea. Now the Wabbit felt under pressure. "So what's the big idea, Wabbit?" called Lapinette. The Wabbit glanced around and saw that all his escaping ideas were present. The bathroom scales were to his right and the clock high to his left. He was aware that the pillow lurked to his rear and that the piggy bank and PIN number were drifting past a skylight. He knew he had to come up with something. So he dropped his head, stared at the scales and spoke. "Something's been weighing on my mind." "Spit it out!" called Skratch the Cat. "It's something I let lie on the pillow too long," said the Wabbit, "and I locked it away." "Keep going Commander," shouted Wabsworth. The Wabbit glanced up at the clock. "Now it’s time to tell you," he sighed. Everything was quiet in the vast hall and the Wabbit looked into the middle distance. "It's about our last mission with the Orange Phantoms," he stated sadly. "I organised the whole thing. It was me." If the Wabbit had expected annoyance he was sorely disappointed. "We knew that," said Lapinette. "And now we have something to tell you ..."

5. The Wabbit and the Unknown Link

"This doesn't look like the Highway to Hell," said the Wabbit as he made his way across the road. "Hardly anyone comes this way," said Skratch the Cat. "It's a desolate spot and no mistake." "Perfect for you to track down your vanishing idea," said Lapinette. "I can't wait here all day for an idea," said the Wabbit, huffily. "What else have you got on?" asked Wabsworth. The Wabbit couldn't think of a thing and shuffled uncomfortably. "Oh look," he said with relief, "there's Ghost Bunny. Have you seen my idea?" "What does it look like?" wailed Ghost Bunny. "It shifts shape." said Lapinette. "It used to be a pillow, then ..." "Oh, I'm tired of the list," said Skratch, "But one thing is certain. They all have something to do with the Wabbit." Ghost Bunny shimmered in the light, then faded and reappeared. "An idea can't have corporal form," she whispered hauntingly. "The manifestations are inseparable from you, Wabbit."  The Wabbit shook his head sadly. "Run the list past me, Wabbit," sighed Ghost Bunny. "A pillow," said the Wabbit. "Bathroom scales," said Lapinette. "A clock," said Skratch. "And a flying PIN number," said Wabsworth finally. Ghost Bunny haunted up and down then turned. "They're all linked," she wailed.

4. The Wabbit and the Flying PIN

Wabsworth had joined the search for the Wabbit's vanishing idea and had recommended they took the high ground. It was becoming clear that he was right. At first they couldn't see much but then they heard a soft drone, like a light plane. "Ah," said Wabsworth, feeling vindicated. "Is that your idea, Wabbit?" "It's always changing," grimaced the Wabbit. "It started as a pillow, then it became bathroom scales," said Skratch. "And last time it was speaking clock." added Lapinette. They all gazed at the flying piggy bank as it made its way across the sky. Wabsworth screwed up his eyes. "What's that at the back?" he asked. Lapinette nudged the Wabbit. "It looks like a PIN letter from the bank - is that your PIN?" "I can't see it," said the Wabbit. A deep voice boomed from above. "2 4 6 8!" and the pig vanished into the sky. "Is that it?" asked Skratch. "I've no idea," muttered the Wabbit. Lapinette sighed deeply because she knew the Wabbit hated ATMs and preferred to keep cash concealed in his fur. "I remember!" said the Wabbit and he whispered to Lapinette. "It's 3 5 7 9. It's in a song." "Two, four, six, eight, Motorway?" asked Wabsworth, who's hearing was second to none. "Now everyone knows." groaned the Wabbit, "and I have to change it." "I think I know where this idea's going," grinned Skratch. They turned to stare at him. "The Road to Hell," he purred ...
[Tom Robinson: 2-4-6-8 Motorway / 3-5-7-9 on a double white line]

3. The Wabbit and Idea Time

All day and through evening until late, Lapinette and the Wabbit scoured the city for the Wabbit's idea. They were going to call it a night when they caught sight of Skratch coming out of a kebab shop and they called to him. But at the same instant another object appeared just above his head. "Grab it Skratch!" called the Wabbit. "We're chasing it!" Skratch leapt high in the air and just got a paw to the edge. "Identify yourself," he screeched, "and be quick about it." "I'm the Wabbit's idea," said the object, "and it's time for me to be going." The object gradually faded then with a slight plop it disappeared. Skratch turned to the Wabbit. "What the devil is happening Wabbit? Is this a test?" The Wabbit shook his head ruefully. "It's my idea, it keeps vanishing." Lapinette chimed in. "It was a pillow, then bathroom scales and now it's a clock." Skratch gazed at the empty night. "Wabbit, how did it escape?" "I have no idea," said the Wabbit. "And you're chasing it?" asked Skratch. "That's the general idea," said Lapinette. "I'll help you look," said Skratch. The Wabbit smiled with relief. "Oh good, I had the same idea." Skratch smoothed his fur with both paws and flicked his tail. "This idea's time has come," he muttered.

2. Lapinette has a Good Idea

"Stop that thing!" shouted the Wabbit. Lapinette wasn't expecting to meet the Wabbit in the Metro, nor to see him in such a dramatic mood. But all the same she turned and when she did, she saw a strange object. "Who are you and what do you want?" she glared. The object merely smiled. "I'm the Wabbit's idea," it said. Then it faded and disappeared. Lapinette swiped around but there was nothing to grab, so she looked at the Wabbit sternly. "Are you up to something again, Wabbit?" "It says it's my idea and it's been eluding me all over the city," huffed the Wabbit. "It looks like bathroom scales," said Lapinette. "It keeps changing," sighed the Wabbit. "It was a pillow before." Lapinette thought for a good minute and the Wabbit thought he could hear her brain whirring. "Let's join forces," she decided," and we'll nail it." "Oh good," said the Wabbit and he grinned. "But should we entertain this particular idea?" "Let's be clear Wabbit," said Lapinette, "was it an idea or just a passing thought?" "It was the faintest glimmer of an idea," sighed the Wabbit." "Ideas are always in short supply," stated Lapinette firmly, "so when we catch up with it, we'll make it talk." "Good idea," surmised the Wabbit, "because once an idea has taken hold, it's impossible to get rid of it." "That makes our work easier," said Lapinette.

1. The Wabbit and the Vanishing Idea

The Wabbit was between adventures and that was a place he disliked. He had been hopping all over town desperately trying to think of an idea, when he finally arrived at Lingotto. It was a place where there was always something happening, so at first he took little notice of what he thought were new streetlamps. The Wabbit stopped in his tracks and thought hard. "These are giant lightbulbs," he said to himself, "and they're totally out of place." The Wabbit suddenly froze because he felt the germ of an idea dimly surface. "I think I have it ..!" But the moment the idea crystallised, it vanished. "Curses," said the Wabbit. "I'll try again." So he screwed up his eyes and wrinkled his nose and thought and thought. It took a full five minutes for anything to happen. Then a vague vestige of an idea seized him and he was just about to grab it, when it disappeared again. "Fiddlesticks!" thought the Wabbit. He was contemplating making one more attempt when he became aware of a floating creature to his left. "Who are you and what's your business?" he asked in a bad-tempered manner that was unlike him. "I'm your idea," said the creature. Suddenly, the creature laughed and waved at the Wabbit. But as the Wabbit reached to grasp the idea, it faded until nothing was left. "That's a dangerous idea," thought the Wabbit.

The Wabbit & the real Adventure Caffè

Lapinette was first to arrive and she'd been thinking. She knew the Wabbit wasn't telling the whole Orange Phantom story and surmised he had good reason. Nevertheless she decided to have some fun. "Oh Wabbit, that training mission was a good idea," she said. "We can all use a bit of practice." Now the Wabbit felt alarmed, but he heard Skratch coming and turned. "Skratch! What was that for a sort of adventure?" "Skratch had also been thinking and thought he'd have fun too. "It was very Twin Peaks by way of Blade Runner." Lapinette watched the Wabbit's face and when he smiled she pounced. "You like Twin Peaks don't you?" "Oh yes!" said the Wabbit, "it certainly challenged the TV rubric." Lapinette leaned back and let Skratch do the work. "I think Twin Peaks revolved around deception," he purred. "What do you think, Wabbit?" "It was baroque and labyrinthine," said the Wabbit cautiously. "But the fact that characters led double lives is insignificant." "I disagree, Wabbit," said Skratch. "It was a postmodern take on deception itself." The Wabbit squirmed. "I need a coffee," he said. "This," said Skratch, "is the Caffè Torino. There's no damned finer cup of coffee in Turin." "You know more than us, Wabbit," said Lapinette finally. "I think I know," gulped the Wabbit, "but sometimes my paws bend back."

The Wabbit at the Secret Caffè

In a secluded caffè that lay high on a hill overlooking Turin, the Wabbit held a special meeting with Wabsworth, his android double, and Marshall Duetta Spyder. He was first to arrive and somewhat impatient. So he tapped his paws in a fair imitation of Dave Brubeck's "Take Five" and watched his colleagues arrived from different directions - as instructed. "On with the work," said the Wabbit and he struck a glass with a fork. "You called the meeting, you start," said Duetta in her silky voice. "I want to start," interrupted Wabsworth, "because I'm a little unhappy with our subterfuge." Duetta was always happy with subterfuge. She shook her head. "Wabsworth," said the Wabbit. "It was of the utmost importance that everyone had realistic reactions." They all nodded gravely, so the Wabbit continued. "I want to know how our adventure looked to our enemies." "It looked most authentic," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit shrugged. "And that's why no-one was told,". Wabsworth sighed and stuck his paws in his fur, just like the Wabbit. "Our enemies will try to make contact with the Orange Phantoms," continued the Wabbit. "Which are departmental holograms!" said Wabsworth,. He brightened a little. "When will that be?" asked Duetta. "Not immediately," said the Wabbit. "They'll bide their time and so shall we." "When shall we inform the others?" asked Wabsworth. "When it's the most fun," smiled the Wabbit.

21. The Wabbit is taken by Surprise

Back on the ground, Wabsworth greeted his friends. But they seemed none too pleased. "What the binky is going on Wabsworth?" demanded the Wabbit. He pointed at Wabsworth and Lapinette pointed too. "What have you been up to?" "Its all official," said Wabsworth. "What do you mean, official?" screeched Ghost Bunny, "we were nearly destructivated!" Wabsworth cringed slightly. "It was a training programme. You all pass with flying colours." The Wabbit was aghast but the look on his face was nothing compared to Lapinette's. "What about the orange phantoms?" she said through gritted teeth. "Holograms," said Wabsworth. "The olives?" asked the Wabbit. "Drones," replied Wabsworth. "The crafts?" screeched Ghost Bunny. "DWA Space Programme III," sighed Wabsworth. They all seethed for a while. "OK, OK," said the Wabbit, calming down. "Wabsworth, who knew?" "Marshall Duetta," said Wabsworth. The Wabbit glanced over his shoulder to see Skratch in an angry conversation with Duetta and he adopted her silky smooth voice. "And who ordered the mission?" "Can't say," said Wabsworth. "Someone very high." The Wabbit drew close to Lapinette and whispered in a voice she knew well. "It might be someone high, but there's always someone higher."

20. Wabsworth brings them In

"This is Wabsworth in Ground Control. Come in Blue Craft." A puzzled Lapinette looked for something to speak into, then decided just to speak. "Copy you Wabsworth. All accounted for." There was rather a long pause. "Await further instructions." crackled the radio. Silence fell inside the craft as they watched Duetta's spiders surround the Olives and force them towards the surface. Out in space, Marshall Duetta Spyder picked up Wabsworth's signal. "What a pleasant surprise, Commander Wabsworth." Wabsworth grinned wryly although no-one could see him. "Marshall, please order your brigades to encircle and protect both blue and orange crafts." Duetta hovered gently as she sent out a telepathic signal. Immediately a dozen spider brigades converged on the crafts as they hurtled earthwards. The radio crackled again. "Marquesa, don't touch the controls, I'm bringing you in remotely." Lapinette looked at the Wabbit, the Wabbit glanced at Skratch the Cat then they all looked at Ghost Bunny. "By all the Ghosts of Pluto, I swear this was nothing to do with me," she breathed. "I suppose we'll find out when we land," said the Wabbit and he shrugged. "Do you think they have supplies on this ship?" wondered Lapinette. "What kind of supplies?" asked the Wabbit. "I'm a little thirsty," said Lapinette. The Wabbit laughed. "This is a ship after all," he said. "So we just have to find the cocktail cabinet."

19. The Wabbit and the Bay Door

Inside the blue craft, the Orange Phantom shouted loudly and tried to twist out of Skratch's grip. But Skratch had learned well from Puma and refused to release his prey. With a sudden sigh, the Phantom's wings detached, his cloak deflated and his head floated in the air. "Now!" shouted the Wabbit. "Everyone hang on!" yelled Lapinette and she span a wheel. Air hissed as a bay door opened and blue light pierced the craft. With a shove of his paw and a kick of his leg, Skratch sent what remained of the Orange Phantom spiralling into space - and straight into the grasp of Duetta's Red Spiders. "Doors!" shouted the Wabbit. With lightning speed, Lapinette span the wheel in the other direction and the bay door hissed shut. For a moment all that could be heard was the faint hum of the craft's life support system. "Phew," said Skratch, sniffing his paws. "He was a wriggler. That could have been a sticky situation."  Lapinette looked for somewhere to wipe her paws. "It still is," she grimaced. A heavy smell of citrus hung everywhere and she shook her head. "I don't like fruit," she said. "Neither do I," said Skratch."I don't mind bananas," said the Wabbit, but everyone ignored him. He looked around. "Ghost Bunny, what about you? Oranges or bananas?" Ghost Bunny gave a wail. "They just don't appeal."