The Wabbit hears News of a Friend

The Wabbit and Lapinette hopped to a Safe Garden nearby and the Wabbit touched Lapinette's paw. "What up?" he asked with a half smile. "This is on the strict QT," said Lapinette, "It's not official Department business." "The Wabbit nodded but stayed quiet. "It's our friend, Cardinal Lapin," frowned Lapinette. "He's due for a promotion." "Oh," said the Wabbit, "a Chief Cardinal already?" Lapinette made a funny face at the Wabbit and continued. "Threats have been made against him and now he's gone missing." The Wabbit's demeanor changed. He growled the deepest of growls and his paw grasped for some object in his fur. Lapinette's ears twitched as she heard an unmistakable metal click. "I'll hop straight off then," said the Wabbit. "Things to do, cardinals to find." Lapinette sighed. "It's not official, we're not supposed to know." "Never heard a thing," said the Wabbit. "Anyway, I do have leave outstanding." "When do you propose to take it?" asked Lapinette, although she knew the answer. "Immediately immediate," said the Wabbit and he turned to go. "Wabbit!" called Lapinette. The Wabbit turned and looked at Lapinette with the other half of his smile. "Mind your back, Commander," she said in a  low voice. The Wabbit grinned. "I've been minding my back so long, I forgot I had a front."

The Wabbit's After-adventure Caffè

After the adventure they all gathered in a caffè for a quick discussion. "Oh, there you are Skratch, smiled the Wabbit. "I’ll ask The Question." "No need," said Skratch, "It was a Crazy Cool adventure and none the worse for that!" The Wabbit looked relieved. "It belonged in no particular genre then?" asked Wabsworth. Skratch nodded with approval, but Lapinette was impatient to know what to do with the dark energy creature. "Ghost Bunny, do you know of any galaxies short of a few singularities?" she enquired. "Well, this one here," said Ghost Bunny. Lapinette wrinkled her nose. "OK," said Ghost Bunny, mimicking the Wabbit. "Galaxy M85 is sadly lacking." "Just the ticket," said the Wabbit. "I’ll get Quantum the Time Travelling Train on the job right away." "Can I go along for the ride?" asked Snail. "I don’t get to many galaxies." "Bring back pictures," grinned the Wabbit. "Is it far?" said Snail. "Sixty million light years," said Ghost Bunny. "Then let the Train take the strain," nodded Snail. Everyone laughed and broke into conversation - except for Lapinette and the Wabbit. "Wabbit, something urgent has come up," whispered  Lapinette. The Wabbit crinkled his eyes and took her paw. "Let’s go for a hop and you can tell me all about it," he said. So they quietly disengaged from the merry band and hopped round the corner for a chat. 

9. Wabsworth & the Genie in the Bottle

Suddenly the music stopped and everything froze - everything except for Wabsworth and the Dark Energy creature. Wabsworth pulled the bottle from the coat that the Wabbit had given him - and with a quick twist of his paw, he opened the cap. The distinctive smell of amaro was strong enough to fill the tunnel and Wabsworth wondered how the Wabbit had come by the bottle. "Some Gala Dinner that must have been!" he thought, looking at the police label. There was no mistaking the creature's joy. It only had eyes for the bottle and it compressed until it could squeeze through the top. The creature squeezed and squeezed until it was completely inside. And through the glass, Wabsworth could see singularities swirl around until everything was darkly dense. "It's drinking the dregs!" thought Wabsworth and he deftly rescrewed the cap. Wabsworth wasn't sure what would happen, but he reasoned that amaro was digestive and medicinal. "Black holes can only benefit," he thought and he looked round to see Ghost Bunny spooking into her former ghostliness. Lapinette and the Wabbit formally returned heads and Big Blue Snail slid backwards and forwards  on the rails in a kind of break dance. "You don't see that every day," thought Wabsworth.

8. The Wabbit and the Science of Soul

Ghost Bunny haunted into action. The Wabbit had accidentally touched the Dark Energy creature so there was nothing else to do. She became enormous and piercing light shot from her eyes. "Wabsworth! Now!" she shrieked. Wabsworth fired the anti-matter decelerator and everything whirled, shattered and reassembled in a startling scene. The creature became flat and Ghost Bunny began to sing. "Callin' out around the world, are you ready for a brand new wail?" The Wabbit sang back. "Summer's here and the time is right, for dancing on the rails." "Dancin' in the Metro," sang the two Lapinettes. "Slidin' on the rails," sang Snail in the background. Wabsworth couldn't help grinning. "What did you do?" "I'm protecting them with music," wailed Ghost Bunny, "do you have a bottle for the creature?" "Yes, in my fur," said Wabsworth. "When the music stops, everything will change," said Ghost Bunny. "The creature will shrink, and you can trap it in the bottle." Lapinette and the Wabbit swayed sinuously. "All we need is music, sweet music," sang the Wabbit, "there'll be music everywhere." "There'll be swingin' swayin', and records playin'" sang Lapinette, "dancin' on the rails!" Wabsworth rummaged in his fur. "Oh, shall we let them finish?" smiled Ghost Bunny, sweetly.

7. The Wabbit gets Too Close

As the train passed the Dark Energy creature, the gang jumped out and ran back in pursuit. Snail glided along on the rails in a perfectly satisfactory fashion, while Wabsworth took up position on the access hopway and drew a bead on the creature. Right at the front, the Wabbit crept up behind the creature and studied it with interest. It took not the slightest notice of the Wabbit, but its eyes continued to spit out small black holes, which spiralled up in search of food. The Wabbit saw several tools and a few coils of wire disappear into the holes. So he clutched his own toolkit tightly and called out, "What next Ghost Bunny? Shall we use the decelerator?" Wabsworth lifted it and shouted across, "Ready when you are!" "Not yet Wabbits," wailed Ghost Bunny, "we require a clear space." She made herself hauntingly comfortable on Snail’s head and looked around. Lapinette looked too. "We need somewhere to put it," she yelled to the Wabbit. "Like a box or something?" he answered. "It will be enormously dense," moaned Ghost Bunny. "You did say they were stupid," agreed the Wabbit. "What about a bottle?” shouted Wabsworth. "Oh, put the genie in a bottle?" murmured the Wabbit. "I have just the thing." The Wabbit rummaged in his fur for something suitable, but he was getting closer and closer to the creature. "Don’t touch it!" shrieked Ghost Bunny. "Aaaargh!" yelled the Wabbit. 

6.The Wabbit's Anti Matter Decelerator

Ghost Bunny was as good as her word and the Wabbit's android double, Wabsworth appeared bearing a strange device. "What's that weird thing, Wabsworth?" asked the Wabbit. "It's an anti matter decelerator I knocked up in the shed," said Wabsworth. "Now let's get this creature who didn't pay his fare - and blow him to kingdom come." "I like your style Wabsworth," said the Wabbit, nodding his head. "Oh, hurry up Wabsworth, before the doors close, the Metro is automatic," said Lapinette. "Then we 'll spot the creature in the tunnel and hop out." said the Wabbit. "How will we get the train to stop?" asked Snail. In his efforts to squeeze through the door, Snail had temporarily prevented them from closing. "I think I'll leave that to the Wabbit," said Lapinette. The Wabbit grinned and pulled from his fur a set of tools he had picked up cheaply in a market. "Spanners for throwing in the works," said the Wabbit. "Why don't we just pull the communication cord," commented Snail. "And risk a fine!" said Wabsworth in a shocked voice. Ghost Bunny let out a quavering wail. "All aboard, all aboard the Dark Energy Express." The doors closed with a hiss. With hardly a jerk, the train moved down the platform and into the tunnel.

5. The Wabbit and Singularity Trouble

Big Blue Snail made for the lift while the rest scampered down the metro escalator in pursuit of the Dark Energy Creature. But just before they reached the bottom, the creature suddenly transformed and threw spirals from its baleful eyes. "Ghost Bunny, what’s it doing?" yelled Lovely Lapinette.  "Preparing to feed," wailed Ghost Bunny in a cry that echoed hauntingly from the station walls. The Wabbit’s ears quivered. "With its eyes?" he gasped. "They are not eyes," howled Ghost Bunny. "Think of them as mouths." "They’re singularities!" shouted Lapinette. "Best not to get in its way then," said the Wabbit and he felt in his fur for his automatic. "Wabbit, you can’t shoot a black hole with a gun," hissed Lapinette. "Oh," said the Wabbit in a disappointed tone and he rummaged around for something more appropriate. "Do you have an anti-matter decelerator?" asked Lapinette sarcastically. "It’s in my other coat," quipped the Wabbit. "Wabsworth has your other coat," smiled Lapinette. Ghost Bunny let out a shriek. "Wabbit, I'll summon your android double. That Wabsworth's going to be furious." Lapinette raised her eyes. Ghost Bunny and the Wabbit spoke at one and the same time. "The creature failed to buy a ticket."

4.The Wabbit & the Nature of Dark Energy

Ghost Bunny appeared swiftly in her usual haunting manner and Lapinette wasn't long in arriving. Together they watched the creature make its way into the Metro. "What's all this, Wabbit?" snapped Ghost Bunny. "I was watching television." The Wabbit gestured towards the Dark Energy creature. "Oh, these plonkers!" said Ghost Bunny. The Wabbit knew that Ghost Bunny was attached to old British sitcoms and had picked up the language. "It could be dangerous," said Lapinette. "Oh it's very dangerous." Ghost Bunny uttered a haunting wail. "But they're hopelessly stupid." Lapinette sighed. "Oh I hate the stupid ones." "They accelerate the universe," said Ghost Bunny, "but they don't know why." "Neither do we," said the Wabbit, "and it's going to the tunnels." "To feed," said Ghost Bunny, "and it's all your fault." "The Wabbit looked quizzical. "You suggested that the stations on the Metro were edible." The Wabbit looked nonplussed. "You indicated you get on at Pizza and get off at Macaroni." Lapinette buried her head in her paws and Ghost Bunny fluttered around. "They're quite voracious. The universe will become unstable." "How did it get here?" asked Snail. Ghost Bunny shrugged just like the Wabbit "Probably hitched a lift on that asteroid you allowed to hang above the Corso Svizzera. "I got a parking ticket for that," scowled the Wabbit.

3 The Wabbit and the Dark Presence

Big Blue Snail and the Wabbit hurried to the Blue Exit and there in their path was a presence.  A swirling black cloud was making its way slowly but steadily through the temporary entrance to the Porta Nuova Station. The Wabbit held out a paw to stop Snail’s advance and Snail slithered to a halt. "What is that thing, Wabbit?" asked Snail. "Just stand still," said the Wabbit, "Stand very, very still." The presence slowly advanced and moved straight through them as if they weren’t there. "I thought so,” said the Wabbit. "Thought what?" asked Snail. "A Dark Energy Creature," said the Wabbit. "Is that proved?" said Snail, who was a sceptic when it came to theoretical physics. The Wabbit shivered.  "It is now," he said. "Snail, how did you feel?" "I felt nothing at all," said Snail. "It ruffled my fur," said the Wabbit. They watched as the presence moved slowly onwards. "Where is it going?" asked Snail. "Where would you go if you were dark energy?" replied the Wabbit. Snail thought for a minute. "The Metro?" He tried to shrug like the Wabbit, half succeeded and then asked, "Who knows most about dark energy?" "Lapinette," said the Wabbit. Snail considered. "I don't like the look of 'em, we need more help." "Ghost Bunny," said the Wabbit immediately. "Better get on your radio," said Snail. "To call Ghost Bunny," smiled the Wabbit, "I need no radio." And he twitched his special blue glasses in a most special way.

2. The Wabbit and the Mind of Railways

The Wabbit hopped through the Porta Nuova station. He thought of it as a short cut, but this was an illusion. Because of its many interesting features, it was always more of a long cut for the Wabbit. As he was pondering, he found himself hopping beside Big Blue Snail. "Perfect!" thought the Wabbit. Big Blue Snail was the most mindful creature he knew and he hoped it would rub off on him. "Hello Snail, how is your path?" he asked. "I am on it," said Snail. "So am I," thought  the Wabbit, but stayed silent. "This," said Snail, "is the railway station, and so I am both arriving and leaving." "When I pass through," said the Wabbit mindfully, "I am the station." There was no reply and the Wabbit paused. “Speak quick!" said Snail. The Wabbit shrugged and placed his paws over his mouth. "The train arriving at Platform Ten is leaving at Platform  One," he announced in an echoing voice. Snail smiled as passengers darted hither and thither. "Wabbit, there is no train at platform Ten." "Nor at Platform One," said the Wabbit. Snail turned to the Wabbit. "What is the mind of the railway?" The Wabbit  glanced up and his eyes twinkled. "The timetable," he said simply. Snail smiled. "Then what is the timetable for our next adventure?" The Wabbit gestured suddenly for Snail to follow. "I think it’s just started over there, at the Blue Exit ...”

1. The Wabbit and Mindful Mindfulness

The Wabbit was hopping his favourite portico and deep in thought when he was abruptly interrupted. "Ho there, Wabbit!" called Skratch the Cat. Skratch was fresh from his mindfulness class and couldn't help spreading mindfulness around. "Mind your path," he intoned and lowered his head gravely. That action was mostly lost on the Wabbit, because he hadn't looked round. He knew very well that Skratch would catch up quickly and regale him with his latest learning. "I am hopping," said the Wabbit quietly. "Well, when you hop, you must hop," said Skratch, "and when I prowl, I must prowl." The Wabbit had never thought otherwise, but Lapinette had recommended the class, so he bore Skratch's enthusiasm with equanimity. "Where are you going?" asked Skratch.  The Wabbit' eyes twinkled. "It's only my path, and there is no coming or going," he said sagely, just to wind Skratch up. But Skratch nodded so seriously that the Wabbit pounced. "What must we be mindful of?" he asked suddenly. "The present!" said Skratch. The Wabbit grinned and softly enquired, "Where is the present?" Skratch looked hesitant and the Wabbit took his opportunity. "Here it is!" shouted the Wabbit and he hopped on Skratch's foot.

The Wabbit & Commodity Prices

Very, very early in the morning, on the path by the River, the Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette met with the Alien Pilot. It was unfinished business, because the Pilot had said he would pay their price for obtaining the Sharpies - and their metal. The Wabbit wanted to leave the whole thing be. But Lapinette thought that was discourteous. "The Alien Pilot rescued us, make no bones about it," she had said in a special voice and the Wabbit knew better than to argue. Her words rang in his ears when the Pilot spoke. "You did me a favour Wabbit." The Wabbit inclined his head. "I heard about metal commodities in a bar on the Planet Lythion and decided to try my luck." The Wabbit tilted his head even further and narrowed his eyes. "Then call it 50 Quid and we're square," he murmured. "It's too little," said the Pilot, dropping high denomination coins into Lapinette's paw. Lapinette span them in the air and caught them with her other paw. "Pilot," said the Wabbit finally, "you did us a favour, your money's no good here." "Business is business," said the Pilot. The Wabbit paused. "Then call it our investment in your future business," he said. The Pilot raised all of his eyes. "In which we'll take considerable interest," smiled Lapinette innocently.

Quid: Quasi Universal Intergalactic Denomination

The Wabbit & the after Adventure Picnic

They all gathered and drank aperitivi and talked about what a strange adventure it had been. There had been so many enemies and unexpected happenings that they were quite bemused. Still, the Wabbit did think about asking Skratch the Cat what type of adventure it was, but there was little point. Skratch had already said it was like the movie, Rio Bravo. "There were rather a lot of guns in our adventure," said Lapinette. "Yes and they weren't much use, were they?" sighed the Wabbit, "they weigh down my fur a lot and require maintenance." "In future Wabbit, we need to use our wits more than weapons," said Skratch. The Wabbit thought for a bit, sipped his aperitivo and listened to the children. "Skratch," interrupted Lapinette, "what resolved the story in Rio Bravo?" "Explosives," said Skratch, with a matter of fact purr. "Remind me of what happened," said Lapinette brightly and considered another aperitivo. Skratch smiled a very broad smile indeed. "The heroes threw the dynamite at their enemies and set it off with gunfire." "The Wabbit sighed a long sigh. "Then I suppose it just depends," he said. "Depends on what?" asked Lapinette. "What I happen to have in my fur," smiled the Wabbit.

14. The Wabbit and the Big Think

Skratch led everyone back through the Secret Tunnel and it did indeed emerge at the pretty garden that the Wabbit liked. "All's well that ends well!" said Skratch, gesturing back at Ledger and his wife and children. The Wabbit shook his head. "These recent adventures don't end," he said, "they just seem go on and on." "Just like life, Wabbit," said Lapinette. "One adventure ends and another starts." "But we still don't know why the Sharpies attacked us," said the Wabbit. "You're thinking again," said Skratch, "and too much thinking is a kind of curse." "It's called think-itis," said Lapinette. The Wabbit grinned and then thought about grinning so he stopped and made a straight face. "Don't you know the head gardener here?" asked Skratch. "I certainly do," said the Wabbit. "She's awfully nice and looks after my secret ..." The Wabbit realised everyone was listening intently and changed his mind. "Secret collection of pruning shears," he said finally. "Perhaps she could arrange for aperitivi to be served right here," said Lapinette. "All right," said the Wabbit. "Five aperitivi and some carrot juice for the children." "Some?" smiled Lapinette. The Wabbit made a quick calculation using both paws and narrowed eyes. "25 Litres," he smiled. "And picnic biscuits!" yelled Skratch.

13, The Wabbit and the Alien Attraction

The engine drone became deafening as the plane flew overhead. The Wabbit clutched his fur as blades flew upwards towards a familiar object. "Why didn't I think of that?," muttered the Wabbit. "You can't think of everything," said Skratch, "you think too much as it is!" A clang rang out as a Sharpie stuck to a giant magnet. The Wabbit flinched back as a spike grazed his nose. "At least we know who it is!" said Lapinette. "Oh yes," muttered the Wabbit, who hadn't a clue. "This is Rio Bravo, Wabbit!" shouted Skratch. The Wabbit shrugged. "Because people you rejected are turning up to help," said Skratch." The Wabbit shook his head. "Wabbit, you're hopeless," grinned Lapinette. But as she gestured happily, the radio flew from her paw and joined the blades on their hapless journey to the giant magnet. "Grrr," said Lapinette. "Don't worry, Feathers" chortled the Wabbit. "I have another." The Wabbit shoved a paw in his fur for his spare radio - but Skratch clamped a paw down hard. "Leave it Wabbit. Let the Alien Pilot sort it out." "Alien Pilot!" shouted the "Wabbit. "I sent him far away." "Fortunately, not far enough," said Skratch.

12. The Wabbit and the Scrap Metal Trade

Lapinette grabbed the radio from the Wabbit and hit it once. For a few seconds nothing happened. Then the radio crackled and burst into life. They could hear the sound of a plane and a voice sang, "Any old iron, any old iron, any any any old iron." The Wabbit started to tap a foot but Lapinette stepped on it sharply and glared at him. "Single engine light plane, 1930s," said the Wabbit. "Not one of ours?" asked Lapinette. "Definitely not," said the Wabbit. Lapinette lifted the radio. "To whom am I speaking," she enquired. The singing stopped and the engine drone dropped. "Just an old space trader," said a voice. Lapinette paused and considered.  “Don’t I know you from somewhere?" she asked. "It’s a small galaxy," said the voice. "“But you need some assistance and I’m here to take any old scrap metal off your paws." Lapinette looked at the Wabbit and raised an eye. The Wabbit shrugged. Lapinette lifted the radio again. "We do have some merchandise," she breathed softly. The Wabbit jumped up and down and waved both paws upwards. "For a price," hissed Lapinette. "I buy any scrap," hummed the voice. "with your price paid." Lapinette looked at the Sharpies’ blades and smiled. "You take charge of the merchandise and we’ll agree a price later." "On my way," said the voice. "And if you have anything metal in your fur ..." The Wabbit patted his fur frantically. "... please anchor it down." said the voice. 

11. The Wabbit & the Room with a View

The Wabbit led the rush to the balcony and they all scrambled up. But the Sharpies were fast and hurled blade after blade. Automatics were hardly a match for the missiles, but for a while their fire held the enemy at bay. "What next Wabbit?" shouted Lapinette. "Aim for the blades," he yelled. "Kill the blades and you kill the ghouls." "That's the wrong film, Wabbit," shouted Skratch. "This is Rio Bravo, not the Night of the Living Dead!" "We'll be the living dead in a minute!" scowled Lapinette as a blade shattered close to her foot. Blades rained down and some wedged quivering in the brickwork. "We need reinforcements," muttered Skratch as he dragged Lapinette onto the balcony. "I'd radio in if I had a spare paw," said the Wabbit, dispatching two Sharpies with two shots. Suddenly the Sharpies stopped. Sounds of fighting died away and there was silence. The Wabbit shook his head and slid fresh clips into his guns. "The radio, Wabbit!" whispered Lapinette. "Oh yes," said the Wabbit and he fished in his fur. He fished for a long time, glancing up from time to time and smiling with a lopsided grin. Finally he found what he was looking for and looked directly at Lapinette with a straight face. "Did you remember to charge the batteries?" he smiled.

10. The Wabbit & the Companions of Evil

The friends emerged from the tunnel to find themselves in the woods, directly opposite the back of Ledger's house. "Good grief, Wabbit, what the devil are these?" hissed Skratch. The Wabbit's normally cheerful demeanour dropped, to be replaced by a look of horror. "They're Sharpies," he whispered, "don't let them see us." "I've never heard of them," said Lapinette. "They're supposed to be a legend," replied the Wabbit, "but clearly that's a myth." "What's their raison d’être?" asked Lapinette. "Slicing and dicing," said the Wabbit gravely. "They reduce everything to shavings." "What can they want with us?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit whispered at length. "The legend tells that they only respond to great evil, which they cannot resist. They dissect victims with their many blades in the service of evil." "The companions of evil,” murmured Lapinette. "Exactly," said the Wabbit, "but who are their companions?" "Could be anyone, really," shrugged Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded sadly but Ledger nudged him and pointed to the balcony. "Something's happening," he said. "How do you know?" asked Skratch. "I know my wife," said Ledger. And as they looked, the sharp crack of an automatic turned all into confusion ... 

9. The Wabbit moves Underground

Deep under the bunker lay the tunnel and the Wabbit led the way. "Let's take this path," said the Wabbit. "I don't know what's at that end," warned Skratch the Cat. "There's only one way to find out," said the Wabbit and he hopped forward. Lapinette pointed her torch. "I think it's the house," she said. "The house it is then," murmured the Wabbit, "and let's be on the lookout for anything that smacks of geometry." "So we won't go off at a tangent," smirked Ledger. The Wabbit glanced at Ledger with astonishment and nudged Skratch. "I think I saw Ledger smile," he whispered. "A trick of the light," grinned Skratch. They hopped for quite a while, then Skratch glanced overhead. "I wonder where we are exactly?" "I'd say we're parallel with the edge of the woods," said the Wabbit. Skratch narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "They're surely expecting us," he sighed. "They're expecting something," said the Wabbit, "but now they're uncertain." "We're not even certain of who they are," said Lapinette. "It doesn't matter, because they will underestimate us,"  said the Wabbit. Sudden quiet fell and their shadows seemed to pace them as they travelled. "We appear weak, when we are strong." explained the Wabbit. "How strong are we?" asked Skratch. The Wabbit flicked imaginary dust from his fur. "We're all packing heat," he drawled.