The Wabbit and Lapinette hopped rapidly under the trees to avoid the guided pencils raining from the sky, but still the Euclidean fighters circled. Deeper into the woods they spotted something odd. "What's that?" puffed the Wabbit. Lapinette stared. "It looks like a bunker," she said, "but I thought there were no bunkers left." "Maybe we can shelter there?" said the Wabbit - but as he hopped closer, a door creaked open. The Wabbit and Lapinette drew automatics from their fur and held their breath. "Surprise!" shouted a familiar voice. First Skratch's head, then Ledger's appeared from the doorway. "Better get inside!" yelled Skratch, "before they start progression bombing." Lapinette looked in the door. "Where on earth does this go?" "You're not going to believe me," said Skratch. "Let's talk inside," yelled the Wabbit as the increasing drone told him fighters were closing. Safe in the bunker's interior they listened as the fighters' drone grew inaudible. They sighed with relief and looked at each other. "I wasn't expecting this turn of events," said the Wabbit. "What were you expecting?" asked Skratch. "Just normal mild peril," said the Wabbit. Skratch smiled. "This leads to a tunnel," he said. "Where to?" "Where from, you mean," said Skratch. "Grrr," said the Wabbit. "From that garden you like," said Skratch, "You found it by trowel and error?" grinned the Wabbit.
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Thursday, March 28, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
7. The Wabbit and the Euclidian Faction
The Wabbit had joined Lapinette to the rear
of Ledger's house, when he heard a drone that he recognised. He gripped Lapinette's arm
tightly and pulled. "Run Run!" he shouted and they ran as fast as
they could. But the three fighters looming from the sky were faster. They swooped over and back - and
when they spotted the Wabbit and Lapinette, they started to fire.
"Guided pencils!" shouted the Wabbit, jumping to avoid the sharpened
missiles. "Who are they?" yelled Lapinette, fishing her
automatic from her fur. "They're Euclidians," yelled the Wabbit.
"They split from mainstream mathematics to take up armed geometry."
"Are they the ones who employed Ledger to spy on us?" asked Lapinette.
"I don't think so," said the Wabbit and he fired unsuccessfully at
one of the fighters. "But they might be in league with others." They
both stood their ground and for a while they shot at the fighters and dodged
their missiles. "Are these heat seeking?" said Lapinette,
kicking one as it zoomed past. "It's possible," yelled the Wabbit,
"but I think I know what guides them in." Lapinette fired
another unsuccessful shot. "Do you have any graph pads in your fur?"
asked the Wabbit. "Of course not!" shouted Lapinette. "I
have six,” frowned the Wabbit.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
6. The Wabbit and the Wife in the Garret
Monday, March 25, 2013
5. The Wabbit effects Landlordly Repairs
There was quiet at the house where Ledger's family was captive. But it didn't last long. Suddenly there was a lot of noise in the Ledger Woods as the Wabbit chugged up with a strange vehicle. "Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho!" sang Lapinette, dancing on the forklift. "It's off to work we go!" responded the Wabbit. "With a drill and a bit!" trilled Lapinette. "And a little dab of spit," yelled the Wabbit, jumping down from the vehicle. "Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho!" They laughed and laughed and pretended to lark and joke like work rabbits in a medieval play. "Any sign of the enemy?" whispered Lapinette. "No sign of anyone at all," said the Wabbit. "Suspicious," said Lapinette. "Very" said the Wabbit. "Well, they know the landlord's coming," said Lapinette. "That explains the silence," said the Wabbit. They glanced at each other then at Ledger's house. I don't like the look of the gutters," commented the Wabbit. "The previous operatives were hideously inept," frowned Lapinette. "Needs sorting," grumbled the Wabbit." Sooner the better," agreed Lapinette. "I'll climb the ladder first," said the Wabbit, "and inspect the window frames." "A ladder is a means of access and not a working platform," said Lapinette primly. "That's true," said the Wabbit, "and we forgot our special hats," "And the building site signs," said Lapinette. "And portable toilets," added the Wabbit "How will we ever manage?" smiled Lapinette. "Self control!" grinned the Wabbit.
Friday, March 22, 2013
4. The Wabbit and the Property Business
"Keep your paws away from the trigger guard, Ledger" said Skratch, Ledger fumbled with his weapon and Skratch frowned. "Now rack the slide. Don't point it at my elbow, I like it the way it is." "Is that Ledger's house in the woods?" asked the Wabbit. Lapinette tapped the screen with her pointer. "It is," she said. "Now that's a big mansion," said the Wabbit. "Ledger has a large family and takes in orphans," said Lapinette. "How many entry points?" asked the Wabbit. "Five counting the skylight," replied Lapinette. "Here, here, here, here and here." Her pointer tapped a staccato rhythm on the screen "Nice piece of real estate," commented the Wabbit, "and it's given me an idea." Lapinette waited to hear a bizarre scheme. "We're going to buy the Ledger Wood," said the Wabbit. Lapinette sighed a very long sigh indeed. "Ledger!" shouted the Wabbit. "Yes, Commander," trembled Ledger. "You will purchase the Ledger Woods using the Dinosaur Fund," "Won't that be expensive?" said Ledger. "Enormously," said the Wabbit, "but it's such a good investment." "Ledger nodded and the Wabbit smiled. "Then arrange your colour pencils to let the enemy know we branched into property - and remind them that changes are due for the Ledger Wood." "Changes? said Ledger? "I'm your new landlord," said the Wabbit, "and I'll be doing what landlords seldom do." Everyone stared. "Making repairs," said the Wabbit.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
3. The Wabbit and the Interrogation
"Explain!" barked the Wabbit. "Ledger trembled. "Why did you inform on us, Ledger?" asked Lapinette quietly, and she touched him lightly with a paw. "They are holding my family hostage," he said. The Wabbit's fur stood on end and he had too many questions - but he let Ledger continue. "They're imprisoned in my home and if I don't post information, they will be harmed." The Wabbit's blood boiled. "Where is your home, Ledger?" he asked. "In the Ledger Woods," said Ledger. "That's the Accountancy Quarter," said Skratch, looking down at a map. "And the colour pencils?" asked the Wabbit. "Details of movements in and out of the Dinosaur Fund," said Ledger gravely. "No-one knows that exists," said Skratch. "Well they do now," said the Wabbit and he thought for a bit. "Look Ledger," he said. "You're seconded to this team. Now you're a double agent." Ledger looked terrified. "Everything comes though me," continued the Wabbit, "and everything goes out from me." Ledger nodded. "Skratch the Cat will teach you to deceive and dissemble," stated the Wabbit. "With pleasure," smiled Skratch. "So what's your plan?" asked Lapinette. "The usual," said the Wabbit. Lapinette raised an eye in query. "Sow confusion," he grinned.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
2. The Wabbit and Covert Surveillance
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
1. The Wabbit and the Matter of Pencils
The Wabbit was determined to solve the problem of the spy at the Department of Wabbit Affairs and arranged to accidentally bump into the rabbit from Accounts on the steps. The rabbit's pencil set was obvious, so the Wabbit pulled a big red marker pen from his fur. "I say, Ledger!" shouted the Wabbit, "you appear to have dropped one of your pencils." Ledger turned cautiously. "Sir?" The Wabbit's ears inclined slightly towards Ledger. "That's not one of mine, Sir." Ledger's voice trembled slightly and he patted his pencil set. "These are my special audit pencils and I always have them with me." "Don't you have a laptop, Ledger?" asked the Wabbit smiling, "I can requisition you one if you like." "They're my back up, Sir," said Ledger and he turned to go. "One more thing, Ledger!" barked the Wabbit. "Yes Sir," replied Ledger meekly. "Can you calculate the damage to Turin City Council property from our last adventure - and make reimbursement?" "Shall I raise a cheque from the Dinosaur Fund?" said Ledger, before he could think. The Wabbit stared very hard indeed. "Of course not!" he said, "the Via dell'Arsenale Sports and Social Club as usual. On my desk by teatime." "There's no space on your desk, Sir," said Ledger. "There's room behind my filing cabinet," said the Wabbit.
Friday, March 15, 2013
The Wabbit's Post Adventure Caffè
"Here comes Skratch!" said Lapinette. "I’m going to get in
first," said the Wabbit. Skratch loomed
into view, sporting a new T-shirt sent specially from Germany. "What was that
for a sort of adventure?" asked the Wabbit. "Oh," said Skratch, "I really hadn’t
thought about it." "You’re disappointing us Skratch," said Lapinette. Skratch smiled
and inclined his head. "I thought the Wabbit
avoided leading his audience into a position of dominant specularity." "I know
what that means!" shouted Wabsworth, but everyone pretended not to hear. "I’m
more concerned about this spy in the Department," said Lapinette. The Wabbit reflected. "Do you recall I said to tell anyone you liked about the golden wabbits?" Lapinette nodded. "Well, who do you like?" It was Lapinette’s
turn to reflect. "I like that rabbit in Accounts," she said. "He always carries an
enormous set of colour pencils." Skratch
tapped the Wabbit on the shoulder and the Wabbit drew a little closer. "This colour pencil thing is a trick," Skratch
said softly. "It’s a way of passing information
undetected." The Wabbit thought long and hard. "Let’s keep this among ourselves," he said, "while we keep an eye on our friend, the bookkeeper." "Wabsworth!" said Lapinette suddenly. "If you were a colour what would it be?" "Transparent?" smiled Wabsworth.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
10. The Wabbit faces the Music
The Wabbit and Wabsworth caught up with Duetta the Red
Spider and Lapinette at the rear of the Old Abandoned Hospital. "Glad you're OK, Commander," said Duetta. "Never a bother," said the Wabbit. "Don't
you never a bother me," said Lapinette. "You could have told us what
was going on." "It was strictly hush hush," said the Wabbit.
Lapinette fumed. "I have the highest of clearances," she said.
"Exactly," said the Wabbit. "We set up a smokescreen to lure the
Agents." "A smokescreen!" said Duetta. "Most admirable."
The Wabbit grinned. "The whole thing had to look like it was just
me." "It was just you!" shouted Lapinette. "Me
too!" said Wabsworth, immediately wishing he had kept quiet. "Were
you by any chance testing us?" enquired Duetta. "Only in
passing," said the Wabbit. An uncomfortable silence fell. Then Duetta
tapped a leg. "What shall we do with the prisoners?" "Let them
go," said the Wabbit, "and tell them to tell all their friends that
we know." "Know what?" asked Lapinette. "I don't
know," said the Wabbit. "But they won't know that we don't
know." "Know what!" repeated Lapinette. "They have someone
inside the Department," said the Wabbit.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
9. The Wabbit and the Big Plunge
The Wabbit suddenly twisted the steering wheel and the jeep smashed through the Hopway railings. Everything went quiet as they sailed through the air. "Is this wise Commander?" asked Wabsworth. "Wabbits gotta have fun!" shouted the Wabbit. His ears twitched as he heard snaser fire. "Brace yourself!" he yelled. Wabsworth grabbed the dashboard. All of his 28 teeth chattered as the jeep landed with a suspension sapping smash and swerved across the breadth of the road. "This is a fine vehicle," stuttered Wabsworth. "Quite old fashioned," smiled the Wabbit. "I suppose you want one." "I'd like some proper upholstery," said Wabsworth, rubbing his fur. The Wabbit chortled. "How are our reinforcements?" he asked. "Making short work of the enemy," said Wabsworth. "We'll never hear the end of it," murmured the Wabbit, "so let's pretend it wasn't really us." "I don't think that will work," said Wabsworth. "Of course it won't work," replied the Wabbit, "but we can wind them up trying." "Yes, we'll let it drop casually," nodded Wabsworth. "OK, let's practice," said the Wabbit, adopting a conversational tone. "I was just displaying my golden wabbits, when a funny thing happened." "How will we explain the damage?" asked Wabsworth. "It was like that when we got here," grinned the Wabbit.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
8. The Wabbit & the Hopway Skirmish
As Duetta sped towards the Hopway, she could make out the
Wabbit’s jeep and hear the sound of explosives. Agents of Rabit were swarming up
fences and trying to halt the jeep, while others rained down explosives from the
bridge. "I didn’t expect an Agents' flying column," said the Wabbit, "and that was my
fault." He fired a few rounds at an Agent and watched him drop to the road. "Nobody’s perfect," said Wabsworth as he dispensed
with another Agent. A bundle of dynamite came his way and he scooped it from
the air and threw it back. A satisfying boom from
below made his ears stiffen pleasantly. "Take that for your trouble," he smiled, then hearing the distinctive note
of a biplane engine, he looked up. "I think we have reinforcements," he cheered, digging the Wabbit sharply in the ribs. "Is that Lapinette?" sighed the Wabbit, "because
there’ll be hell to pay." "Yes, and Duetta the Red Spider," yelled Wabsworth. Now the Wabbit
smiled and he sprayed the Hopway with bullets. "Excellent," he chortled. "They can fight about who
rescued us." Wabsworth pushed a foe away from the fence,
oblivious to the frantic squeals as the Agent pitched to his doom. "Do we need rescuing?" he asked. The Wabbit’s Makarov spat fire at another Agent. "Not really," shrugged
the Wabbit.
Monday, March 11, 2013
7. The Wabbit and the Big Surprise
At Wabsworth’s command, the Wabbit’s élite guard stepped
from the rows of golden wabbits and met advancing Agents of Rabit with
a hail of snaser fire. At the same time, Duetta and
the Red Spiders dropped from the shed roof - and seizing any Agents they could, disappeared into the sky. But there were many Agents and the more the
Spiders seized, the more appeared. The battle raged for what seemed like
hours, even though it was only a matter of minutes. Gradually, the Wabbit’s
Guard gained control and mopped up remaining Agents. "Where’s
Commander Wabbit and Lieutenant Commander Wabsworth?" shouted
the Field Commander. "They were supposed to be here!" As the
sound of confrontation quietened, the guard became aware of another
battle not too far away. "They need help!" yelled the Field
Commander. He waved a paw towards the noise and ordered six troops to the Hopway. Way up above, Marshall Duetta Spyder paused as she heard ricochets of automatic gunfire and let an unfortunate Agent of Rabit drop to the concrete below. Then she wheeled and flew towards the Hopway with enormous speed. In the distance, the Wabbit and Wabsworth were engaged in a skirmish of their own and Duetta figured that things weren't going at all well. "Hang on Commander," she breathed. "Just hang onto your fur ..."
Friday, March 08, 2013
6. The Wabbit and the Surfeit of Foes
The sun began to set on the golden wabbits and all was quiet – or so it appeared. "I saw a Skuttle," said Wabsworth. "But only one," said the Wabbit, "and I also saw one of the Euls." "Curses on their pointy ears," grimaced Wabsworth. "Did you spot
an Ice Mouse?" asked the Wabbit. "I did," said Wabsworth. "It seemed hardly worth a mention." "They’re a spent force," said the Wabbit. "Look Wabsworth, all this is just noise, mere static." They watched the sun
paint the girders orange. "I saw a golden wabbit move," said Wabsworth. "A trick of
the light," said the Wabbit. "I’m an android," said Wabsworth, "and the light can’t trick
me." "If you stare at anything long enough it seems to move," smiled the Wabbit. "My
advanced circuitry takes care of all that stuff," said Wabsworth, "and I insist that something moved." The Wabbit tried to look sceptical. "Look at these two golden wabbits at the front," said Wabsworth. "They glanced at each
other." Wabsworth stopped talking and stared at the Wabbit. His positronic brain raced and then he too smiled. "Yes," he said, "I understand." They
both nodded in mutual satisfaction. But suddenly a dark shadow fell across the golden wabbits and Wabsworth
stiffened. "Shall I be the one?" he murmured. "You do it," said the Wabbit calmly. Wabsworth
threw back his head and with his loudest voice he yelled "Go! Go! Go!"
Thursday, March 07, 2013
5. The Wabbit and the Big Wait
With all the golden wabbits displayed in the Big Shed, the Wabbit
and Wabsworth, his android double, retired to a vantage point behind their one of
their jeeps. They didn’t have long to wait before they heard sounds. Wabsworth
nudged the Wabbit and the Wabbit looked up. Hordes of Red Spiders were descending
on the shed. The Wabbit fidgeted. "Do we make a move, Commander?" asked Wabsworth.
The Wabbit shook his head. "Don’t disappoint me, Marshall Duetta Spyder," he
murmured to himself as he watched the flight of the Spiders. He figured he
could make out Marshall Duetta herself - she was far to the rear of the structure and for
an instant he thought she made a squiggly wave. The Spiders settled on
the roof and became very still. Even so, there were in such number that the covering groaned under the strain. "What are they doing, Commander?" said Wabsworth." "Waiting," said the Wabbit. "Just like us!" said Wabsworth. "It’s all the rage," said the Wabbit. Now Wabsworth was getting fidgety too. "Who are
you really expecting?" "I don’t know for
certain," said the Wabbit. "I only have the vaguest of clues." Wabsworth patted his automatic, then looked
up. "Have you told me quite everything?" he sighed. "Now where’s the fun in that?" grinned the Wabbit.
Wednesday, March 06, 2013
4. The Wabbit & the Bullet Proof Coat
It took until lunchtime for Wabsworth and the Wabbit to
ferry all the golden wabbits to a carefully selected destination. "These are the last," said Wabsworth with
relief. "Now we just have to move them across
the hopway to the Big Open Shed," said the Wabbit. "We’ll be finished by
evening." "And then?" asked Wabsworth - although being an exact copy of the Wabbit, he already knew. "We wait," said the Wabbit and he pushed his Makarov into his
fur. "I do like that coat," said Wabsworth. "Is that a special issue?" "It’s bullet proof," said the Wabbit. "Could you requisition
one for me?" Wabsworth hummed with excitement. "You’re an android and have no need of one," smiled the Wabbit, "and besides, they’re a
little hot!" "Just the logos perhaps?" said
Wabsworth. "Radio it in," said the Wabbit. "Code 007392, Dinosaur Fund." "Right away Commander." grinned Wabsworth. The Wabbit shifted uneasily and glanced from
right to left. "See any trouble?" asked Wabsworth. "Not yet," said the Wabbit and
he dug out his automatic and looked at it. He switched the safety catch and switched it back, then back again. A silence fell, only to be broken by a crackle from the radio. "Logos on the way, Commander. " Wabsworth
smiled. He looked over at the Wabbit, then into the distance. "Will they go for it?" "Oh yes," muttered the Wabbit. "They most certainly will." He shook his head. "But which particular they?"
Tuesday, March 05, 2013
3. The Wabbit and the Dinosaur Fund
Lapinette called the Wabbit to the Department of Wabbit
Affairs on a matter of urgency. "Wabbit, what on earth are these?" "Oh that must be my gold," said the Wabbit
feigning surprise. "Unut’s gold?" asked
Lapinette, sighing a long sigh. "I was expecting gold bars but this will do
nicely," said the Wabbit. "Hmmm," said
Lapinette. "Wabbit you’re up to something - I know you." The Wabbit smiled reassuringly. "I just felt we could use an increase in funds." "But where are we going to put
them?" asked Lapinette. "In the Dinosaur Fund?" suggested the Wabbit. Lapinette
knew that the Dinosaur Fund was for old fashioned and frankly unorthodox missions. "I don’t mean the account," she said, "I meant the location. We have no room for
hundreds of golden wabbits." "Oh really?" said the Wabbit pretending to be
disappointed. "I’m sure I can find a place for them." Lapinette screwed up her
eyes and looked at the Wabbit and the Wabbit tried not to flinch. "I’ll get the
gang onto it, they know lots of places." "Don’t you want to keep it a secret?" asked
Lapinette. "No need," said the Wabbit. "Tell
anyone you like." Now Lapinette was really suspicious. "Are they made of
chocolate?" she ventured. "Heavens no, they’re pure gold," laughed the Wabbit. "You
need security," said Lapinette. "Too much trouble," said the Wabbit. "There might
be a gold rush," said Lapinette," and I’m not rescuing you." What?" said the Wabbit, "and miss a golden opportunity?"
Monday, March 04, 2013
2. The Wabbit & the Advisory Relation
It took the Wabbit all day to find his android double, Wabsworth.
He finally caught up with him at the Porta Palazzo market, where he was looking
for an unobtainable vinyl LP. "Wabsworth!" called the Wabbit. "I was hoping to meet you!" Wabsworth was startled. "Do you
want your coat back?" he asked solemnly. "A borrowed coat can’t keep me warm." The
Wabbit had completely forgotten about his coat. "Keep the coat, Wabsworth. It suits you." "Oh
thank you," said Wabsworth looking relieved. "How can I help you?" "You are an exact copy of me," said the Wabbit, "so I want us to liaise on an urgent matter." "I’m not completely the same as you," said Wabsworth. "I have different experiences now." "All to the good," said the
Wabbit and he explained about Unut the Rabbit Goddess and her offer to help achieve
rabbit emancipation. "Mmm," said Wabsworth, "the horns of a dilemma." "You sound like me," sighed the Wabbit. "I can’t
help it," said Wabsworth. "Now what about
the land, the gold and the weapons?" "That’s
why I want you to advise me," said the Wabbit. "Well," said Wabsworth, "if you had to
choose one, which would it be?" The Wabbit’s eyes lit up. "Yes," he exclaimed. "Always remember the golden rule!" Wabsworth knew what the Wabbit was going to
say, so he said it for him. "He who has the gold makes the rules," he chortled.
Sunday, March 03, 2013
1. The Wabbit and the Matter of Advice
The Wabbit thrust his paws far into his coat and hunched
into a school doorway. The night air had become chilly and the Wabbit wished
for summer, but the more he wished, the sharper the cold became. "Brrr," thought the Wabbit. He was reminded of
his school days, when his only responsibility was to learn stuff from books and repeat it to the satisfaction of his stern masters. The Wabbit and school had never easily
coexisted. He would periodically absent himself and hide in the local
library to read about existentialism. In consequence, the Wabbit was apt to
think far too hard for far too long. "What am I going to do about Unut’s offer?" he thought. “And what about my alliance with Duetta and the Red Spiders?" The Wabbit
thought hard for a while. "I need to take advice," he thought. The Wabbit
didn't like asking for advice and liked taking it even less. But suddenly the
Wabbit smiled. "I’ll call a Council of War," he thought. "Everyone will contribute. I will throw in my own ideas and get them back. Everyone will think they’re giving me advice." Then the
Wabbit realised he had no ideas. He had reached an impasse. "I don’t need a Council
of War," grinned the Wabbit. "I need a collaborator ..." and he grinned with his
28 teeth and hopped back into the shadows.
Friday, March 01, 2013
The Wabbit after the Adventure
Tucked away in a
seaside caffe the Wabbit hoped he could be incognito. "This is nice and
quiet," said the Wabbit, "and no Skratch to ask me what kind of
adventure that was!" Out the corner of her eye, Lapinette watched Skratch
hove into sight, but smiled to herself and said nothing. Suddenly the Wabbit's
ears flapped as if driven by a high wind. "Wabbit!" called a familiar
voice. "What was that for a kind of adventure?" The Wabbit
pretended not to hear but Skratch persisted. "I thought it was a
splendidly crafted pastiche of John Carpenter’s 'Dark Star'" he purred.
"An exercise in counter aesthetics!" "At least we didn’t
explode in a supernova," sighed the Wabbit who wished he had never
enrolled Skratch in that film class. "What a beautiful way to go,"
drawled Skratch. The Wabbit looked at Lapinette and the Wabbit looked back.
"In case nobody can hear you laugh?" smiled Lapinette. The Wabbit was
not to be outdone. "I went for the science and I stayed for the
explosion," he said with a deadpan expression that startled even Skratch.
Lapinette laughed. "Take Unut up on her offer, Wabbit." Skratch was
all ears. "What offer?" he asked. "World domination," said
Lapinette. "Oooohh," said Skratch, "Count me in." "It's
not finalised," said the Wabbit. "When will that be?" said
Skratch. "After lunch," said the Wabbit.