Pages
▼
Monday, April 30, 2012
The Wabbit and the Wyatt Earp Snail
Thursday, April 26, 2012
7. The Wabbits round 'em Up
The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette herded the greened Skarrots
safely into an enclosure and breathed a sigh of relief. "No more GM monster Skarrots," said the Wabbit. "Carrots
are now safely nutritious for all," said Snail, who liked a well-cultivated carrot or two. "How shall we
proceed?" asked Lapinette. "No recent orders," said the Wabbit, "so there’s
only one thing to do." "What’s that?" asked Snail. The Wabbit swung his whip twice. It snapped
and cracked in the air and the Skarrots cringed back. "Move them, move them, move
them," he sang. "Though we disapprove them," trilled Lapinette in reply. "Keep them Skarrots
movin', Rawhide!" bellowed the Wabbit. "Don’t try to comprehend them, just dice and chop and
bend 'em," sang Snail, "soon we will herd them out of sight," "Move 'em out, head 'em up, head 'em up, move 'em on. Move 'em out, head
'em up: Rawhide!" sang the Wabbit. "Cut 'em up, ride 'em in. Ride 'em in, cut 'em
up. Cut 'em down, ride 'em in: Rawhide!" sang Lapinette. "Rollin’ rollin’ rollin', strollin' strollin' strollin', " hummed Snail. Lapinette cracked her whip several times then dropped her voice to become more melodic. "All the things we’re missin'," she sang. "Aperitivi, love, and kissin'," sang the Wabbit. "Are waiting at the end of our
ride," sang Snail. "Hah!" shouted Lapinette and she cracked her whip again. "Hah!" shouted the Wabbit and he cracked his whip too. "Hah!" shouted Snail, who having no whip to crack, flailed his antennae instead - and they laughed and laughed and laughed.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
6. The Wabbit sees 'em Coming
The gang fell back and while Snail recharged, the Wabbit and Lapinette lay in wait for the Skarrots at the top of the shopping centre escalator. "Maybe they'll be dragged into the stairs," said the Wabbit. "Have you ever known that happen to anyone?" asked Lapinette. "Only once," said the Wabbit. "Who was that?" asked Lapinette. "Me," said the Wabbit and he fiddled with his Snazer gun. "Lucky escape?" asked Lapinette. "Nearly all escalator fatalities are repair technicians," said the Wabbit. "But I was dragged between the combs and it's not good for the fur." "What's it like in there?" asked Lapinette. "Mainly skeletons," smiled the Wabbit. "Look, here comes Snail!" said Lapinette. Snail was crawling under his load of blue slime laser supplies when he saw the Skarrots emerge from the escalator. "Let me at 'em, the little modified devils," cried Snail as he launched a full scale attack on the Skarrots. "He's not the usual Snail with a laser, is he?" said the Wabbit, leaning on his gun. Gradually, Skarrots turned green at the gills as Snail nailed them one by one. "An onion can make you cry, but carrots can't make you laugh," observed Lapinette wryly an she tucked her gun under her arm. "That's something a Wabbit can't run away from," said the Wabbit. "Are you going to do Cowboy quotes all day?" snorted Snail. "I never miss a good chance to shut up," said the Wabbit.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
5. The Wabbit at the Supermarket Corral
Monday, April 23, 2012
4. The Wabbit and the GM Carrot Crisis
Friday, April 20, 2012
3. The Wabbit and the GM Skarrots
The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette took a short cut, but somehow the Skarrots managed to evade them. "Look they're over there!" hissed Lapinette and they both took up positions behind a pole and watched as the Skarrots queued for a bus to the city. "Surprising behaviour," said the Wabbit. "They've been coached!" said Lapinette. "Why don't you call it in to the Department, see what they know." The Wabbit got on the blower as he called it, and started muttering things in code. His radio hissed and the Wabbit hit it hard with his paw. "Shhh!" he said. It crackled slightly. "That's better," said the Wabbit and he spoke softly. "Yes, they're getting on the bus now. Yes, yes. Oh yes. No." "What's going on?" whispered Lapinette. "Apparently the plan is to let them go where they're going. Nothing must impede them." "Where are they going?" asked Lapinette. "We''re going to find out," said the Wabbit and shut off his radio. "The driver won't have change for 50 Euro notes," said Lapinette. "Don't worry," said the Wabbit. "I know him and I told him to expect unusuality." "And you'll owe him a dinner I suppose," said Lapinette. "Money well spent," said the Wabbit. "Unusuality isn't a word," said Lapinette. "Yes it is," said the Wabbit. "I bet you dinner it's not," said Lapinette. "OK," said the Wabbit and he smiled a confident smile. "It is a word isn't it?" sighed Lapinette. "Big eats!" grinned the Wabbit.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
2. The Wabbit & the Horrifying Arrivals
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
1. The Wabbit and the Carrot Library
Lapinette clutched her book as if her life depended on it, because
she had found some surprising information on Genetically Modified vegetables. The Wabbit emerged from the library and hailed her. "Do come in Lapinette,
everything’s laid out for your research," he cried with some glee. "I never knew the Carrot Library existed," said
Lapinette. "Oh it’s very new," said the Wabbit. "It’s an independent venture of
the Carrot Club." "Of which you are this year’s Grand Daucus,” said Lapinette
kindly. The Wabbit bowed gravely. "Who pays for it?" asked Lapinette. "The Carrot
Club does, through public subscriptions, private grants and fund raising events,"
said the Wabbit proudly. "No Department of Wabbit Affairs money then?" said Lapinette
slyly. "Not as such," said the Wabbit. Lapinette looked at the Wabbit and
inclined her head. "The Agitprop section
has a special books, stationery and apparatus allowance, part of which I cause to arrive here," admitted the Wabbit. Lapinette was used to the Wabbit’s unorthodox,
yet somehow fair budget adjustments. "Did
you find the Skarrot locator device?" she ventured. "I did," said the Wabbit. "It can identify any rogue carrot within a distance of 400 kilometres." "What constitutes a rogue
carrot exactly?" said Lapinette. "Arms, legs, eyes, bared teeth and a voracious
appetite," said the Wabbit. "What do they eat?" said Lapinette. "Everything that gets in their way," said the Wabbit.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
The Wabbit Accessorises
The Wabbit was waiting for Lapinette when she came hopping down the shop stairs. "Look what I found!" she cried. "Excellent!" said the Wabbit, automatically. "What have you been doing?" The Wabbit knew quite well what Lapinette had been doing, but he thought he'd better ask anyway. "I've been accessorising!" said Lapinette unexpectedly. The Wabbit could think of only two kinds of accessory. The first, you bolted onto other things and the second, you plugged in to something else. The Wabbit knew that in both cases, it gave the object concerned some extra functions. "Splendid," said the Wabbit. "That shirt looks a bit Tyrolean. Are you using it to strategise on the next mission?" "There's a new mission and I didn't hear?" said Lapinette with surprise. "Well I think it's going to happen," said the Wabbit. "I was reading Carrot World and there are disturbing developments." Lapinette suddenly remembered that this was the Wabbit's year to perform the duties of Grand Daucus for the Carrot Club, so she didn't make any jokes. "Should I visit the armoury?" she asked hesitantly. "That would be wise," said the Wabbit. " Our far-flung outposts have suffered sabotage and wilful damage. Witnesses observed strange colourful creatures that looked like carrots." "Parrots?" said Lapinette. to make sure she'd heard properly. "Reports have to be verified," said the Wabbit, "but they're calling them Skarrots and you wouldn't want to run into them by accident!" Lapinette looked at the Wabbit with a questioning look. "They Meet and Eat," he said.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
The Wabbits & the Intermission Band
"Perhaps the band might help us with our Autism appeal?" suggested Lapinette. The Wabbit merely
turned and shouted, "Baião rhythm, 2/4 time!" The band complained good-naturedly
about the change in tempo but nevertheless set up a driving beat and a "Too! ta-too, Too! ta-too," echoed round the buildings. The Wabbit
looked at Lapinette and sang. “You, to me. Are sweet as roses in the morning." Lapinette looked back and sang in answer. "And
you to me, are soft as summer rain at dawn. In love, we share that
something rare." She stopped for an impossible instant and came in loud and late on the
next line. "The sidewalks in the street!" Then they put their heads together, and both sang. "The concrete and the clay beneath our feet, begins to
crumble. But love will never die. Because we'll see the mountains tumble. Before
we say goodbye." Now it was the Wabbit’s turn. "My love. And I. Will be in love eternally.
That's the way. Mmm, that`s the way it's meant to be." Then the band joined in. "The
sidewalks in the street! The concrete and the clay beneath our feet begins
to crumble. But love will never die. Because we'll see the mountains
tumble. Before we say goodbye." "Mmmm," sang the Wabbit. "That’s the way it’s
meant to be," sang Lapinette. There was a
smattering of applause from passers by. "Now you hop round and collect money for
Autism," said the Wabbit. "Why me?" asked Lapinette. "You’ll get more than me," said the
Wabbit. "I will?" queried Lapinette. "Trust me," said the Wabbit.
The featured autism organisation for this adventure is http://www.autism-society.org/get-involved/state-resources/wyoming.html
The featured autism organisation for this adventure is http://www.autism-society.org/get-involved/state-resources/wyoming.html
Friday, April 13, 2012
The Wabbits stop for Refreshments
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
7. The Wabbit takes a Passenger
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
6. The Wabbit brings down the House
Monday, April 09, 2012
5. The Wabbit takes Over
Suddenly the chamber filled with puppets who listened automatically to a tinny but familiar voice from hidden loudspeakers. "I recognise that Agent chatter," murmured the Wabbit. "Shhh," said Lapinette, "it will soon be time
to move." The Voice was glib and certain and it continued smugly. "All voting on Regulation 207/4, hyper-genetic carrots, draw close and
prepare to vote the usual way." The Wabbit winked at Pio. "Wait for it," Lapinette
frowned. Pio nodded and then cracked his knuckles. All the puppets glanced in Pio’s direction and their
arms twitched slightly. The loudspeaker crackled again. "In the introduction of
designer GM carrots with anti-wabbit vaccine, all vote "Yes"." But nothing happened and everything was still. The puppets looked at each
other and jingled the Wabbit’s coins in their pockets. "It therefore passes into statute, nem con" hissed the furious Voice. “No!” shouted the Wabbit. The puppets froze. “Under the rules of the House, I
abstain!” he yelled. “So do I!” said Lapinette and as they both raised their voting arms a forest of abstaining arms rose behind them. "No confidence in the House!" shouted the
Wabbit and he flung his fake voting arm on the floor. "No confidence, no
confidence, no confidence," repeated the puppets until their voices reached a
crescendo that rattled the windows. The Wabbit grinned and hopped forward to glare at the place the voice was coming from. "I challenge the House, the
assembly is mine," he yelled and turned to the puppets. "Who's in charge?" he shouted. "Wabbit!" they yelled back.
Saturday, April 07, 2012
4. The Wabbit seeks Advice
The Wabbit drew his contact aside to ask a private but pertinent question. "Pray tell me your name," said the Wabbit smiling a special diplomatic smile. "I am Pio Pulcinella!" said the Puppet, "how may I assist you?" "You are a political and economic puppet," whispered the Wabbit confidentially. "And I'm at your service," said Pio. "It's about my lists of priorities," said the Wabbit. Pio nodded. "Tell me more," he urged. "I keep adding to my lists and they get longer," said the Wabbit. "How are they organised?" asked Pio. "Randomly," said the Wabbit brightly. "That's not too unusual," said Pio. "so tell me which is your most important list and which is your longest?" "That's easy," said the Wabbit, "because they're one and the same list," "What's your name for that list," said Pio patiently. "Miscellaneous," said the Wabbit. Pio shook his head and thought for a while. Then he snapped his fingers. "What then" he asked," is the item at the very top of that list?" "Organising my lists," said the Wabbit. Pio Pulcinella leaned back with satisfaction and cracked his knuckles. "You have a knapsack problem," he said. "I do?" said the Wabbit. "And there is a knapsack solution," said Pio. "Do tell," said the Wabbit sceptically, since he had an overflowing knapsack at home and that was on one of his lists. "Only so much can go in your knapsack," said Pio, "so get rid of what you don't need." "I'm uncertain about what I don't need," said the Wabbit. "I have a computer programme for uncertainty," smiled Pio.
Thursday, April 05, 2012
3. The Wabbit & the Puppet Parliament
The Wabbit and Lovely Lapinette were speedily shown to the debating chamber of the Big Parliament
and they scampered up the stairs to the sound of considerable moaning from the
Wabbit. "I don’t like this costume," complained the Wabbit. "You’re meant to
blend in - you’re undercover," whispered Lapinette. The Wabbit scowled. "When I’m undercover," he said ponderously, "I like to sell
newspapers, not be a newspaper." Then the Wabbit
thought for a bit and decided he hadn't quite exhausted the topic, so he continued. "Besides, I rustle too much and by the way, I’m creased," he grumbled. "I think it’s rather fitting you’re a crossword," said Lapinette. "Oh look, there’s our contact. Do you think he’s done what we asked?" "Well we
gave him plenty of coins, I can hear him jingling," said the Wabbit, shifting
his ears and thinking some more. "Lap, Are you certain the plan will work?" he
whispered. "Of course," said Lapinette. "After
the Big Vote, there will be complete confusion and a power vacuum will follow." "What
then?" asked the Wabbit, thinking of a vacuum cleaner. "Just hop in
and fill it," said Lapinette. The Wabbit brightened considerably as he imagined
himself as a massive cyclonic separator. Lapinette kept quiet
since knew that the Wabbit was given to flights of fancy and she was cute enough
to humour him. "Please hop this way," said their puppet contact. The Wabbit raised his paws one by one as if they were pulled by strings. “Hoppy to
oblige,” smiled the Wabbit.
Tuesday, April 03, 2012
2. The Wabbit supposes
The Wabbit’s destination was the Big Parliament and as he and
Lapinette hopped up the steps they met a puppet who fitted their mission target. "Follow
my lead," whispered the Wabbit to Lapinette, "and if it doesn’t work, run some interference!" Lapinette nodded and the
Wabbit stepped forward and addressed the Puppet. "I suppose you know how things operate around here?" asked the Wabbit. "Supposing I was to advise you?" said the Puppet. "Supposing I could make it worth your while?" said the Wabbit. "Supposing you were to demonstrate your goodwill," said the Puppet. The Wabbit paused, dug in his fur and jingled some coins. "I suppose that would do nicely," said the
Puppet. The Wabbit leaned towards the Puppet and lowered his voice. "Supposing
the Big Vote went a particular way," he
continued. "Supposing I was to use my influence," said the Puppet. "Supposing
I had 200 more of these coins," said the Wabbit. The Puppet pondered for a while. "I suppose
every little helps," said the Puppet. "I
suppose I could be more charitable," said the Wabbit and he jingled the coins
in his fur again because he was beginning to like the sound. For a while they both listened and the Puppet
smiled at the Wabbit and the Wabbit smiled back. "I suppose you’d have an opinion on how my
friends might vote," said the Puppet and he rubbed a single coin in his hand as
if it would magically multiply. The Wabbit shot a glance at Lapinette and she
hopped quickly forward. "I suppose they might abstain," she murmured quietly.
Monday, April 02, 2012
1. The Wabbits and a Speedy Departure
Following a communiqué from the Department, The Wabbit and
Lapinette prepared to leave on an urgent mission. The Wabbit had decided that
the most appropriate way to reach their destination was with the MoTo Snails and
both he and Lapinette had made themselves comfortable on board. "Are you sure Mo and To can reach a speed of Mach
2?" asked Lapinette. "Oh, there have been modifications since then," said the Wabbit. "What kind of
modifications?” sighed Lapinette suspiciously. "Super duper ones," said the
Wabbit. "Won’t we fall off then?" said Lapinette. "Not at all," said the Wabbit. "Not since we introduced Advanced Fuzzy Traction." "We?" said Lapinette questioningly. "Big
Blue Snail and I," said the Wabbit. "Hmm," said Lapinettte, and she shifted uneasily
on her perch. "Anyway, I think you’re pulling my leg," she added. "Check it out!" yelled Mo. "We have carefully assessed the modifications and we’re quietly assured," said To. Lapinette leaned across to the Wabbit in a confidential fashion. "Wabbit," she whispered, "I can never remember who is Mo and who is To." "No
problem," smiled the Wabbit. "Mo is the
impetuous one and To thinks too much." "I
don’t think I think too much," said To, who had heard everything. "What about breathing at high speed?" said
Lapinette. "Well since they’re so fast, you won’t even have to hold your
breath," said the Wabbit. "We are about
to commence scheduled departure on the count of three," said To. "Three," said Mo. And with two ear-splitting sonic booms, they
vanished.