The Wabbit, Lovely Lapinette and their diplomatic guests
gathered to have a post adventure drink in a nearby cafe. "Did I hear mention of
carrot aperitivi?" said the Wabbit. The aperitivi duly appeared on the table and
everyone chatted enthusiastically. "There was something I wanted to ask," said the
Wabbit. "Can you tell me what your top level talks were about?" "Oh," said Pink
Bunny, "that is most hush-hush." "Das ist verboten," said Rettet Kaninchen. Lapinette
looked at the Wabbit. "I suppose anything that’s not forbidden is allowed!" she
laughed. Pink Bunny laughed too. "In that case, we can tell you that the Agents
of Rabit have been setting up puppet governments and our job is to stop them," she
said. "Puppet Governments," mused the Wabbit and he imagined a parliament full
of Pinocchios. "I can see what you’re thinking," said Lapinette. "No you can’t," smiled the Wabbit and he
changed his thoughts to a parliament crammed with Punch and Judy characters. But
just as they were hitting each other with police truncheons, Lapinette broke
in. "Punch is funny," she said. "How did you know I was thinking of Punch and
Judy?" asked the Wabbit. "Lucky guess?" said Lapinette sweetly. "Puppets can be nice, like Kasper in Hohensteiner
Puppenspiele!" said Rettet Kaninchen. "When
Good Puppets go Bad," sighed the Wabbit.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
The Wabbit and the Brave Diplomats
With the Agents of Rabit disabled, the Wabbit and Lapinette
rushed back to ensure the safety of the Ambassadors. But they weren't expecting the aftermath of a struggle. "What’s this?" asked Lapinette pointing at two
Agents who were securely roped and tied. "They disturbed us," said Pink Bunny. "We did restrain them," said Rettet Kaninchen. "And took them prisoner," said Pink Bunny, "Jetzt ist ihnen nicht gut," said
Rettet Kaninchen. "I can see that," said
the Wabbit. "They look a little the worse for wear." "They fell," said Pink
Bunny. "Into a wall," said Rettet
Kaninchen. The Wabbit smiled one of his smiles
which he reserved for such occasions. Lapinette grinned. "Better call it in, Wabbit" she said. The Wabbit lifted his walkie-talkie and pressed the red button with delight. "Wabbit
to Control," he said nonchalantly. "Can you send a pick-up
squad and a first aid team?" The radio hissed angrily. "Hardly anything at all," said the Wabbit. "Bring sticking plasters and two bags of frozen peas." The radio hissed again and went silent. "What’s
going to happen to them now?" asked Pink Bunny. "Oh nothing much. Community Service probably" said the Wabbit. "That doesn’t sound so bad," said Pink Bunny. "In Abu Dhabi," said
the Wabbit.
Monday, March 26, 2012
The Wabbit faces them Down
The Wabbit stood in the path of the snickering Agents of
Rabit and casually took a can of WD-40 from his fur. He tossed it in the air, caught it and began to lubricate his laser gun. "I know what you're thinking." said the Wabbit, glancing up. "Huh?" said the leader of the Agents.
"You're wondering whether I forgot to service my gun," said the Wabbit
quietly. "Huh, uh?" said the leader of the Agents. He turned to his
gang and they all shook their heads. The Wabbit shook his head too. "You're asking yourselves, "is it going to work?"" he drawled
laconically. "Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind
of lost track myself. But being as the oil is WD-40 and this is a Snaser, the
slimiest Laser gun in the whole wide world, you’ll slip and slide your way to
Kingdom Come." The Agents jumped and talked confusingly, then looked back.
"So you've got to ask yourselves one question," continued the
Wabbit. "Do we feel lucky?" The Agents turned to each other
and hesitantly asked themselves if they felt lucky. Some decided
they weren't feeling one bit lucky and decamped from the back. Lapinette smiled
from her vantage point, but kept her automatic trained on the lead Agent. The lead Agent stared menacingly at the Wabbit. "Look behind you," said the Wabbit. "There's no-one left." The Agent glanced behind him and the Wabbit hopped quickly forward and pushed him over the parapet. "Luck," said the Wabbit to the few Agents remaining, "is when preparation meets opportunity."
Thursday, March 22, 2012
The Wabbit and the Concerted Attack
The Wabbit crouched on the window ledge and listened. Then
he heard that strange sound again and he looked down at Lapinette. Lapinette made
a sign with her paw and the Wabbit heard her rack a round into the chamber of her
automatic. He touched a button on his
laser gun and listened to the whine as it charged. The Wabbit risked a glance round
the wall and spotted several agents of Rabit scale the castle bridge and make
their way along the ramparts. He strained his ears to the utmost. Yes, there it was again, nearly inaudible - but
it was there. Snicker-snacker, snicker-snacker went the sound. The Wabbit switched on his universal translator
but the sound was more or less the same. "Snacker-snicker, snacker-snicker," chattered
the translator. "I wonder why the
wranglers never worked out this signal?" thought the Wabbit. Lapinette made a sign with her paws and
twitched her ears seven times. "There are seven agents," thought the Wabbit. "That’s
three and a half each." Lapinette made another sign. "Seventy!" thought the Wabbit,"
and he wiggled his ears back and to each side. Lapinette shook her head and twitched her ears once more. "Seven elite troops," thought the Wabbit. "That’s still three and a half each, but
harder." So the Wabbit changed the setting on his laser and it started to whine
quite loudly. Lapinette frowned and covered her mouth. The Wabbit shrugged his
shoulders and shook a paw at his weapon. Lapinette twitched her ears again and
nodded her head down. "Go down to the back," reckoned the Wabbit. Lapinette made a scissors motion. "And cut them off ...?" guessed the Wabbit. Lapinette blew him a
kiss. "At the pass!" realised the Wabbit.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
4. The Wabbit and the Guest Bedroom
["Der Knochen kommt nicht zum Hund, sondern der Hund zum Knochen." German Proverb: The bone doesn't come to the dog, the dog goes to the bone.]
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
3. The Wabbits protect their Guests
[Wranglers: radio signal analysts and cryptographers. Their name derives from Wrangler maths students. MI6 slang from espionage novels by John Le Carre]
Monday, March 19, 2012
2. The Wabbits take to the Sky
Lapinette kicked the tyres and lit the fires. A helichopper clatter echoed noisily around
the square as she lifted off for a top secret destination with her top-level
diplomats safely on board. Then she hovered
while the Wabbit spoke to Wabbit Command. "Requesting clearance Command, from Corso
Svizzera heading SE 54, 2000 metres," said the Wabbit. The radio crackled. "Take
off agreed. Proceed with caution. There are power lines and a cooling tower. At
your own risk, Commander. Out" "Out," said the Wabbit and he turned to Lapinette. "Mind the cooling tower," smiled the
Wabbit. "They always say that," said Lapinette. "Go over the tower and pick up some thermals," suggested the Wabbit, winking. "May we loop the loop?" asked Pink Bunny. "Flight rules Ma’am," said Lapinette. "Your
diplomatic mission is of the utmost importance." "It’s urgently urgent," agreed the Wabbit. "Da
ist die Gefahr?" asked Rettet Kaninchen. "Danger? Not for you," said the Wabbit. "You’re
in safe paws." The helichopper chattered
deafeningly as Lapinette throttled up. The Wabbit cut communication to his diplomats
and spoke privately to Lapinette. "Did you notice anything on the ground," he
asked. "I saw him," said Lapinette, "he’s just a scout." "But now they know where
we’re coming from," said the Wabbit. "I think
everyone knows that now," said Lapinette over the noise, "Did you adjust the swash
plates?" she asked. The Wabbit nodded and
grinned. Lapinette
pulled the stick and the helichopper soared near-vertically into the sky. "Bravo Zulu!" * laughed the Wabbit.
[Bravo Zulu: Aviator slang - praise for a good job]
Friday, March 16, 2012
1. The Wabbit takes care of his Guests
Thursday, March 15, 2012
The Wabbit Intermission Gnam-Gnam
[*Scots: A lot of small amounts builds up to a large sum]
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
7. The Wabbit emerges Back
"Hello, hello," said Lapinette. "Ground control calling the Wabbit!" The Wabbit sat up with a jolt. "Where were you?" asked Lapinette. "I was in my deep unconscious," said the Wabbit. "Well, you certainly weren't here," said Lapinette. "What's in there anyway?" "Lots," said the Wabbit. "I phoned Snail from inside a washing machine and apparently I can sometimes be pompous. "Never!" said Lapinette disguising a smirk. "I learned I can be all sorts of things," said the Wabbit, "and that my unconscious is rather full." "Full of ... ?" prompted Lapinette. "Electrical goods," said the Wabbit, "and there's an Agent of Rabit who lives there permanently and he won't leave." "I can't imagine why," smiled Lapinette, "but please continue." "Then I met Franco when I was a ferryman on a German police barge," said the Wabbit. Lapinette grinned at the thought. "Perhaps you were going to the Unterwelt, what was it like?" she asked with a straight face. "More pleasant than you might think," said the Wabbit with enthusiasm. "There were woods and a lake and a water witch who looked like Ghost Bunny. She brought us aperitivi and flew off on a giant carrot." "Your unconscious life is rather rich," commented Lapinette, who was beginning to get thirsty. "So is that where all your bad jokes come from?" she asked. "I forgot to mention that," said the Wabbit.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
6. The Wabbit and the Water Witch
Monday, March 12, 2012
5. The Wabbit and the Barge
"Franco!" said the Wabbit. "Commander Sir!" said Franco. "Are you in my unconscious too?" said the Wabbit, "because it's getting rather crowded in here." "I suppose so Sir. I was wondering if you were in mine," said Franco. "Nice spot anyway," said the Wabbit. "Delightful Sir," said Franco and he stood at ease. "Are we perhaps on our way to to the Underworld?" he added and he gave the Wabbit the fondest of looks. "Why?" asked the Wabbit. "You're on a barge," said Franco. The Wabbit looked all around. "So I am. Maybe I'm the ferry wabbit," he said to Franco. "If you say so, Sir," replied Franco, "but it appears to be a German police launch." "Ich bin der Fährmann?" mused the Wabbit. Franco chuckled and tipped back his Alpini hat. "Then we may meet Frau Holden, the Water Witch," he said. "And she will will make us aperitivi?" suggested the Wabbit. "I believe she's quite benign and seldom cross," said Franco. "Oh, I like the sound of her. This place is definitely better than the inside of a washing machine," said the Wabbit. "Washing machine?" asked Franco. "You'll never believe who I met in there!" said the Wabbit. Franco waited because he knew the Wabbit was going to tell him. "A wicked Agent of Rabit," exclaimed the Wabbit. "Oh I see them in dreams all the time, Sir," said Franco. "What happens?" asked the Wabbit. "I eliminate them," said Franco.
Friday, March 09, 2012
4. The Wabbit and the Dark Archetype
Water
streamed into the washing machine and sloshed around as the drum span faster.
The Wabbit lost grip of his phone but when he looked for it, his fur stood on
end at the sight of an unwelcome presence. "What are you doing in
my unconscious?" he growled at what was
clearly an Agent Of Rabit. "Get out at once!" he yelled indignantly. "I
can't," said the Agent, "because I live here." "You can’t live here, rent free and uninvited," gasped the Wabbit. "I can’t leave because I’m part of
you," said the wicked Agent. The water sloshed
soap suds around and the Wabbit found himself upside down. "Your a fiendish fiend," gurgled the Wabbit. "You
need to give me a chance," replied the
Agent. "I’ll give you justice!" shouted the Wabbit. "And who would make
me dried bread*?" said the Agent. "I’ll
bring a loaf to your cell every day!" shouted the Wabbit. "Then you would be a
prisoner too," said the Agent. There was
a long pause. All the Wabbit could hear was water. He fell silent as he thought, and as he thought he revolved. "How can you possibly be part of me?" he asked. "I'm your potential for wrongdoing," said the Agent, "don’t you recognise me?" Then he too revolved as the soapy suds washed
over his feet. The Wabbit stared at the
Agent of Rabit and the more he stared, the more he recognised. The Agent became fainter and fainter - until he was merely a lick of colour in the soapy water. "It’s a good thing I brought a towel," gurgled the Wabbit.
[*Russian saying: prepare for prison, exile]
Thursday, March 08, 2012
3.The Wabbit and his Psyche
The washing
machine drum started to tumble, and the Wabbit gripped his phone to communicate with his unconscious. "Hello, anyone there?" asked the Wabbit. He heard muffled sounds and a
crackling, then suddenly a familiar voice boomed from the earphone. "Hello, who’s
calling please?" "It’s the Wabbit and I know
your voice - it’s Snail," said the Wabbit. "You’re very clear! You could be
standing next to me," said Snail, "where are you calling from?" "I’m in my
deep unconscious," said the Wabbit, "but what are you doing here?" "Nothing
leaves the psyche," said Snail sagely. "If I’m in your unconscious, I must
represent something important to you, Wabbit. Can you think what it is?" The Wabbit
thought as the drum tumbled slowly. "Well, you’re stalwart and principled
and I can always rely on you," he said. "That’s all very well," said
Snail. "But can you think of anything negative?" The Wabbit thought hard for a small criticism that wouldn’t offend, but Snail seemed to know
what he was thinking. "I won't take offence, Wabbit. I am merely a relational object amongst others in your
psyche," he said soothingly. "OK," said the Wabbit. "you can be a bit pompous
sometimes." "Pompous!" said Snail. "How
dare you! I think that rightly belongs to you." "I suppose," agreed the Wabbit
and he thought again. "Snail, do you have a complaint about me?" "Yes," said
Snail. "It’s your misplaced humour." "Ah!" smiled the Wabbit, "if I misplaced my
humour, then it’s not lost and I’ll find it again soon." There was a long
silence. "Do you see what I mean?" sighed Snail.
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
2. The Wabbit explores his Unconscious
The Wabbit looked all around. Then he looked all around again. "How on earth did I get here?" mused the Wabbit. The Wabbit's reflection laughed and laughed. "You're in your unconscious," it said with enormous mirth. "My unconscious is full of gadgets and electrical goods?" queried the Wabbit. "You're a little weird," said his reflection, "but this will do fine for the time being." The Wabbit had a long think. "Why?" he asked finally. "Since you're on this floor, you obviously need to communicate," said his reflection. "Communicate to who?" said the Wabbit in amazement. "Now you sound like an owl," said his reflection. "Anyway, it's to whom. Whom is the object of the preposition." The Wabbit's unconscious whirled. "OK, I grant you the grammar, just answer the question," he said. "Communicate with yourself," said his reflection emphatically and it squinted at the Wabbit in the glare of the shop lights. "Do I need a phone for that?" said the Wabbit. "If it helps," said his reflection. "There's so much choice, so what colour should it be?" asked the Wabbit. "What's your mood?" asked his reflection. "Blue," said the Wabbit. "Then it's settled," said his reflection. "Now we can go deeper into your unconscious." The Wabbit looked down. "What's there?" he asked. "Washing machines," said his reflection. "Good clean out?" suggested the Wabbit. "And a spin dry," grinned his reflection.
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
1.The Wabbit and his Shadow
Monday, March 05, 2012
The Wabbit and the Sausage Incident
"It was spontaneous combustion!" said the Wabbit, "just like you see on Discovery Channel." "You deliberately took a lighter out of your fur," said Lapinette. "I only intended to light a small paper napkin," said the Wabbit. "It was provocative" said Lapinette. "Well that's all in the past," said the Wabbit diplomatically and he flicked his lighter a few times. "Anyway, the demonstration was all your idea." he added very, very quietly. "Rabbit sausages should be forbidden, it's against nature," said Lapinette. The Wabbit nodded in agreement and pondered for a while. "Well, maybe you shouldn't have tipped the policeman's hat off," he murmured. "He shouted at me in an uncouth manner," said Lapinette. "What did he say?" asked the Wabbit as he looked down to dust charcoal from his fur. "That wabbits were nothing but trouble," said Lapinette, imitating a whiny voice. The Wabbit stifled a giggle, which he thought might be unwise under the circumstances. "What happened to the sausages anyway?" asked Lapinette. "They got cooked in the fire and a lot of customers came and ate them up," said the Wabbit ruefully. Lapinette slapped a paw to her head and groaned. "Look, the fire was very small and that nice fireman put it out with a single extinguisher," said the Wabbit. "So how many lunches do you owe the emergency services now?" asked Lapinette. "Eleven," smiled the Wabbit, "I'm a legend in their own lunchtime."
Friday, March 02, 2012
The Wabbit and the Many Maps
The Wabbit and Lapinette met to look at maps. The secret map
of the Agents of Rabit contained a list of references to other maps, so
Lapinette produced her Big Map Box and emptied
it on the table. “What about the original map?” enquired the Wabbit. Lapinette pointed to her head. “I memorised it,” she exclaimed, “and then it was eaten.” “Oh,” said the Wabbit and he tried
to think of what to say. “What did it taste like?” he asked finally. “I don’t
know,” said Lapinette “I gave it to Big Blue Snail to eat. He said it was the
most delicious map ever.” The Wabbit smiled and pored over the maps. “Greece,
Germany, Ireland and ... Abu Dhabi,” he said with interest. “Abu Dhabi Agents of Rabit, “ sighed
Lapinette. “They certainly get around,” chuckled the
Wabbit and he took some time to review all the locations on all of the maps. “I
had one of these talking maps,” said the Wabbit suddenly. “Really, how did that
work?” smiled Lapinette. “By satellite,” said the Wabbit. “You tell it where
you want to go and it gives you precise directions.” “A GPS,” said Lapinette. “I don’t know, it never worked
for me,” said the Wabbit. Lapinette
looked questioningly and the Wabbit scowled. “Everywhere I asked for, it said, ”I’m as mystified as you.””
Thursday, March 01, 2012
8. The Wabbit at the Zero Caffè
Lapinette was studying something very intently when the Wabbit arrived with his protégés in tow. "I present Mo and To, the MoTo Snails," said the Wabbit with pride. Lapinette assessed the Snails for quite some time. "How
fast?" she asked eventually. "Oh around Mach 2," said the Wabbit in a
matter-of-fact manner that suggested Mach 2 was routine for a snail. "Wabbit!" shouted Lapinette. "Have you and Big
Blue Snail been working in that shed again?" "We hired a garage," said the Wabbit
innocently. Lapinette looked sternly at
the Wabbit and then turned to the Snails. "Mo and To, are you quite happy with
this turn of events?" she enquired softly. "Delighted," said Mo. "Critically
delighted," said To. While Mo and To were wiggling their antennae in delight,
the Wabbit seized the opportunity to ask what Lapinette was studying. "The Map," said Lapinette. "What map?" asked To. "The
locations of our wicked and vengeful enemies, the agents of Rabit," said Lapinette.
To and Mo looked questioningly. "They would make sausages of us all," explained
Lapinette. "We’re against them!" shouted Mo. "Let's get 'em!" yelled To. "Now!" they cried
in unison. Big Blue Snail shook his head. "I fear their youthful enthusiasm requires
tempering by a mature and wise mind," he said. There was a thud as Lapinette
slapped her menu on the table. "Well, I hope you’re not thinking of the Wabbit," she said.
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