The Wabbit finally arrives at the Store

Finally the Wabbit got to the store where the tasting was to take place. Huffing and puffing, he was still complaining through his teeth about the state of the pavements. According to the Wabbit, not enough care was taken of the roads. They were invariably dirty and when there was bad weather, they were just left in a poor condition and wabbits had to fend for themselves. The paws of wabbits not only became matted, but fell victim to small cuts which could only bring infection and sickness. The Wabbit's complaints went on and on and on until the Wabbit himself realised that he could not control everything. All at once the Wabbit recognised he was spoiling his own fun. Had he forgotten the Lagomorph Lager and the anticipated tasting?. "OK, OK" said the Wabbit, "This is the right place. Bring on the Christmas cheer." And then the Wabbit smiled to himself. And his smile revealed every single one of his 28 teeth and they gleamed in the light from the store.

The Wabbit meets an Obstruction

The Wabbit hopped towards the shops even though his neighbourhood was caught in wintry conditions. He had heard through his network that there was special beer available that was suitable for wabbits. He was not so keen when he heard it was called Lagomorph Lager. But he thought he had better give it a chance. No-one would see him if he slipped in to one of these very ritzy tastings that the store put on from time to time. The door was always open and, being a wabbit, he just couldn't help hopping in and poking things. Up to this point the Wabbit had found it easy enough to negotiate the slippery streets but the Wabbit suddenly found his way obstructed. "I'm going to miss the tasting", thought the Wabbit. "Oh no. This is always happening." And the Wabbit moaned and groaned and moaned until he felt quite exhausted.

The Wabbit assesses the Weather (unfavourably)

No-one ever saw the Wabbit and that was both good and bad. It was why the Wabbit was always tentative on the balcony because he knew that sometimes the shutters would close and he would be stuck. It would be rather cold to be stuck there, but anyway he pushed himself up onto his hind legs for a good look. "Winter Wonderland" murmured the Wabbit with a note of sarcasm. Although the Wabbit was perfectly familiar with snow, he could take it or leave it. The Wabbit admitted to himself that, for preference, he would leave it. It hampered his movement, impeded his tasks and it did something funny to the light. Nevertheless, the Wabbit resumed his surveillance. Nothing was moving - not people, not cars, not even small mammals. "I don't care", thought the Wabbit. "I will go out and it will be quiet. I shall move carefully in a slight quirky loping gait. And no-one shall see me slide in the snow." And that's exactly what the Wabbit did.

The Wabbit and the Strange Box in the Street

The Wabbit was flabbergasted, but not for long. This was close to home and as long as the Wabbit had lived in these parts, there had always been strange things left in this street. But this was different. A package from foreign parts had been tossed aside. What if someone had dropped it? What if there was something in it? What if it was, in fact, intended for the Wabbit (but heavily disguised for secrecy). The Wabbit approached the parcel and nudged it with his nose. It sounded empty but that didn't mean much. It could be a soft toy or handkerchiefs. On the other hand it could well be be something very sinister sent by the agents of RABIT. The Wabbit had crossed paws with RABIT before, an unpleasant organisation with significant powers and unsavoury methods. Suddenly a gust of wind sent the parcel skittering down the road and into another street. "Out of my jurisdiction", murmured the Wabbit with relief. And nonchalantly whistling between his teeth, he proceeded home.

The Wabbit and the strange case of the Balloon Monster

The Wabbit was back in his neighbourhood. After his long hop around the adjacent area, he was quite exhausted and ready for a nice nap. But then a strange sight caught his eye. At first glance it looked rather like a Balloon Monster but on closer inspection you could see feet sticking out of the bottom (the Wabbit was up to such tricks since he was always at ground level). All at once the Wabbit imagined the great opening of his New Headquarters. There would be many balloons and music and carrots on sticks. Of course, the Wabbit was only speculating, since in reality he preferred his patch. And he did not have the necessary subvention to allow for the purchase of Real Estate. But it was nice to dream. "Hello balloon person!" the Wabbit cried out. But the balloon person couldn't hear him. And he certainly couldn't see him. He looked as if he might trip over and then the Wabbit felt a bit sorry for the Balloon Monster. At least wabbits didn't have to go about in this fashion. Not yet anyway. But quietly, the Wabbit noted down the number of the Balloon Company. "You just never know", thought the Wabbit.

The Wabbit becomes concerned about his Environment

The Wabbit paused by the canal bank at a spot that was not far from the site of his proposed headquarters. He had expected to find the water in better condition since it also flowed through his very own neighbourhood. But this was upstream and the poor canal seemed rather forlorn. Naturally the Wabbit had no thought of putting this matter on his list because his list was quite lengthy. And he knew that a struggle against one's wabbit environment is the most difficult to win. "If this is near my proposed headquarters, then I may review the position." murmured the Wabbit. After all, what would the Wabbit say to his esteemed guests? (In reality the Wabbit hadn't actually anticipated any guests until now.) Well, thought the Wabbit, "I could tell them it was just a temporary blip. Or that it was some other wabbit's fault. Oh I know, I might just tell them it was like that when I got here." The Wabbit thought long and hard. "No," thought the Wabbit. "I just can't do it." Then with a sigh of enormous reluctance, the Wabbit wrote "environment" on his list.

The Wabbit considers acquiring Real Estate

The Wabbit continued his walk in a close neighbourhood and was surprised to come across an interesting building (It was a little known fact that the Wabbit liked interesting buildings). Ever since the Wabbit had been co opted onto the Committee of Experts as a spokeswabbit on Wabbit Affairs, he had been asked about his Headquarters. Of course the Wabbit had no Headquarters. Strictly speaking, thought the Wabbit, it was not good form for a wabbit to have an HQ at all. But this building would make such a good place for the administration of Wabbit Affairs. And it looked as if it had been empty for some time. In the Wabbit's imagination he saw himself behind a massive desk on the top floor. And the floors below were teeming with wabbits carrying out important tasks. But for the life of him, the Wabbit could not think of what these tasks would be. And then the Wabbit lay on his back and laughed and laughed!

The Wabbit bumps into a Random Bale

The Wabbit was determined to sort out his list and decided to go on a longer walk around to visit adjacent neighbourhoods. He was convinced that this would give him fresh ideas. But no sooner had he ventured into new territories, than he ran into a big bale in the road and bent his ears back (and to the sides). "What the binky-bink!" said the Wabbit. The Wabbit did not expect bales of rubbish at the traffic lights. And certainly, the Wabbit was very, very reluctant to put any more matters on his list. He had plenty of things to deal with and no help whatsoever from other lagomorphs. I shall have to let this one slip, thought the Wabbit. "This time", said the Wabbit, "I didn't see anything. I was never here and even if I was, I was asleep." So the Wabbit hopped off quite quickly. And in any case, no-one ever saw the Wabbit.

The Wabbit and the parking question

The Wabbit was always wondering about how things worked. Even in his own neighbourhood, which he knew better than most, he felt he had never quite understood everything. But when he noticed the big new sign, he knew that there was something going on. Something to do with space. Although the Wabbit had made his home in the city, he remembered the vast open spaces of wabbit territory. There, no-one would dream of demanding hay or carrots from another wabbit for a space. Wabbits had no need of parkings, so the Wabbit hopped away with relief. He didn't have to put the matter on his list (which was already rather long). And as he loped home he quietly folded his list and tucked it away. Phew! A relaxing weekend was what the Wabbit needed. But then, you could never tell with the Wabbit.

The Wabbit meets the Firefighters

On his journey to town, the Wabbit kept to the edges - except here where it was difficult (but not impossible) to be incognito. As he headed round the corner, keeping his ears down and his eyes wide open, he noticed a wonderful beast. It was bwight red and there were flashing lights. "Ooh", said the Wabbit. "I would love to ride in that fire engine and scale the great ladder." But there didn't seem to be a fire. The Wabbit was glad about that, but at the same time he felt he had missed all the fun. And just as he was thinking about it, a fireman looked down at him and gave him a cheery wave. The Wabbit was delighted. He binkied slightly and did that funny thing with his ears. But then he was puzzled. "No-one usually sees the Wabbit", he thought.

The Wabbit considers Comfortable Shoes

The Wabbit was delighted to reach a leaves-free area. Although it seemed very quiet indeed, he much preferred his own neighbourhood, if the truth be known. All this gallivanting around spook territory had quite worn him out. Concerns had been expressed about the state of the Wabbits's paws with all these leaves and the constant flooding in the streets. So the Wabbit had actively considered footwear - even if was unusual for a wabbit. The Wabbit therefore looked at the sign with interest. But he had no shoes to repair, far less three. Three pairs would be greedy, thought the Wabbit, because he knew there were many mammals with no shoes at all. Perhaps if he just took his paws to the man in the shop, something could be done. Something appropriate. Something made to measure. Or maybe he could just wait for better weather. He looked at the signs again and he decided there was nothing he really needed. He didn't need keys (he tittered at the thought). He could probably do without shoes really. And what possible need could the Wabbit have for photographic prints? "Someday my prints will come!" grunted the Wabbit to no-one in particular - and he made that snickering noise through his teeth.

The Wabbit and the Leaves on The List

The Wabbit was rather pleased with the way in which he had disposed of the agents from Rabit. But as he made his way home he was riled to see something that he felt had been remedied. This had been on his list, but had been crossed off. Or so the Wabbit thought. "Accursed leaves" said the Wabbit. "They have not been removed as agreed - and now they've gone soggy." When the leaves turned into a sodden mass, wabbits were mightily inconvenienced. The slimy mass attached to their paws so they were delayed in going about their wabbit business. As far as the Wabbit was concerned the leaves were toxic, pestilent even, in this state and it was the duty of the powers-that-be to remove them. The Wabbit thought about direct action but there were more pressing matters to attend to. And so the Wabbit hopped high and only touched down lightly on the offending vegetation as he made his way home.

The Wabbit meets some Unsavoury Elements

On the Wabbit's list was a visit to the Big Toy Store to assess the social exclusion of wabbits. But he had no sooner approached the displays when he heard a tinny voice. "Hey Wabbit!". The Wabbit could not believe his ears and he thought "Whatever next?" The tinny voice persisted. "We are agents of Rabit. The Rapid Border Intervention Team. We demand that you produce your Certificate of Existence." The Wabbit was naturally a good natured sort by nature. But he could feel his temper getting a little frayed round the edges - especially after the skeleton incident. "Now look sunshine", he growled. "I have limited patience. Take your stooges and be off with you." "And if we don't?", sneered the agent of Rabit. The Wabbit had already assessed the situation. "I have friends here and they are becoming restless. They are global mammals and they don't hold with borders. The wallabies especially don't feel the need for certificates to prove they're here." The Wabbit could hear a stomping of marsupial feet from behind him, so he paused for effect. "Oh stay if you like. Make their day!" But before he had finished the agents had vanished into thin air. The Wabbit smiled to himself and glanced over his shoulder - and saw several wallabies taking off their boxing gloves in a disappointed fashion. The Committee of Experts would hear of this. Of that the Wabbit was certain.

The Wabbit meets a post-Halloween Spook

One of the things on the Wabbit's list was the question of Wabbit exclusion, practiced by some stores. But he was surprised on this visit that Hallowe'en decorations had not yet been removed. As the Wabbit stared at the skeleton, he heard a faint rasping voice. "Hey Wabbit!" There it was again. "Hey Wabbit!" The Wabbit was sure this was some kind of trick and so he made a decision to participate. First he looked all around to see if there was anyone close by. When he was sure he was alone. he addressed the skeleton. "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me?" The Wabbit was highly amused. He jumped slightly and the tops of his ears twirled and he continued relentlessly. "Then who the binky else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who the binky-bink do you think you're talking to?" The Wabbit laughed but then his blood ran cold. "I'm talking to you, Wabbit" rasped the skeleton. The Wabbit turned and, without fiurther ado, bounded to comparative safety inside the big store. Dealing with spooks was not on his list.