4. The Wabbit and the Skeleton Chair

"Let me have the camera," said Lapinette. She looked through the viewfinder and there were three skeletons. They seemed to be window shopping. "Skeletrons all right," she murmured. The Wabbit could see nothing, only an old chair. "I can see an old chair with the springs sticking out." Lapinette laughed. "So can I." The Wabbit grabbed the camera. Now he could see three skeletons. He handed it back with a grimace. "Three ladies and a man," said Lapinette. "How can you possibly tell?" asked the Wabbit. "Pelvis and the head," replied Lapinette. She was a bit of an archaeologist in her spare time and had seen more than a few ancient bones. "I suppose the ladies are window shopping," said the Wabbit. "Oh," said Lapinette, "How can you tell?" "Just a hunch," smiled the Wabbit. Lapinette pondered. "I suppose the camera sees different things." "In time and space," said the Wabbit. Lapinette snorted. She usually knew better than to argue with the Wabbit, but she risked it. "Not on that chair they didn't." "Maybe they arrived on it," smirked the Wabbit. "They wouldn't have the guts for it," quipped Lapinette. "I suppose the chair's waiting to be recovered," said the Wabbit weakly. "That's enough of that," groaned Lapinette, "so what are we going to do?" The Wabbit thought. "We're going to go to Wabsworth, open the camera and take it apart." Lapinette groaned again. "With a skeleton key." 

3. The Wabbit and the old Movie Camera

Via Giulia warmed up under a cloudy sky as Lapinette and the Wabbit tumbled out of the church junk shop. They were clutching an old movie camera like treasure. The Wabbit moved the viewfinder to his eye and squinted. "Needs work," he said. "What's that lens at the top," asked Lapinette. "It appears to be a light meter," replied the Wabbit. He knew the camera was eight millimetre but he'd never seen one quite like this. He moved it into the orange light from a hotel's Christmas decorations. "I think it used double 8mm. After exposure it would be split at the processors. It doubled the length." Lapinette shrugged. "What lab would you take it to?" The Wabbit gave a wry laugh."I rather doubt there are any. This camera's day is long gone. I'll take it to Wabsworth." Something flickered in the viewfinder. The Wabbit gasped. "That's strange." He looked again. "People look like skeletons. They're moving around. They look bad to the bone." Lapinette shrieked. "Skeletrons?" He reexamined the camera. It whirred. "That's funny. There was no film inside." He tried to open the compartment, but it was stuck fast. "Maybe there's a hare in the gate?" suggested Lapinette. "Very funny," grunted the Wabbit. "Let me see for a second." Lapinette grabbed the camera and looked through the viewfinder. "Aaagh! I don't like the look of this!" she squealed.

2. The Wabbit and the Charity Shop

Inside the doors was a warm and inviting space. It was a charity shop run by the church and there was every chance he might find an unobtainable item. He grinned with pleasure. His eyes flickered over the artifacts. There were objects of every possible description, and they seemed in no particular order. The Wabbit rubbed his paws together in glee. He was glancing around when he heard a noise. With a shriek, Lapinette jumped out from behind a giant vase. The Wabbit placed his paw on his heart in fake surprise. "I thought you were my assailant. Good thing I didn't shoot you!" Lapinette smiled. "My Wabbit. Is someone after you?" The Wabbit balanced between crockery. "Not in the Holy Charity Shop, I hope." Lapinette went to the door and looked outside. "Not a soul. Must have been your imagination." The Wabbit knew his imagination didn't need any help. He looked at the goods. "See anything that takes your fancy?" "Yes," laughed Lapinette. "As it happens, I saw a pile of ancient cameras." The Wabbit paid little attention, but it was a ruse. "Over there," she pointed. The Wabbit was an old hand at markets and thought if he showed too much interest, the price would go up. "Where?" he asked. "There," said Lapinette. "Oh, these old things." The Wabbit looked disinterested but he wandered over for a look. His eyes lit up and his paw stretched out ...

1. The Wabbit and a Hazardous Hop

The Wabbit wasn't strolling and he wasn't hopping. He was stomping. His feet hit Via Giulia's cobbles with each step. He was convinced he was being followed, and he wanted to let the follower know he was being followed. It was a bit hard on the feet. The Wabbit ignored it. He felt in his fur for his automatic. It was reassuring even if he didn't use it. He'd always liked Via Giulia, but tonight he felt an air of menace. Perhaps it was just damp in the air from an unexpected shower. He had a loose arrangement to meet Lapinette over by Campo de' Fiori - maybe for the cinema, maybe a prosecco. But he knew Lapinette liked Via Giulia so she might pass this way. A boot scraped on the cobbles. He looked behind him. There wasn't much of a sidewalk and loose cobbles made his passage hazardous. He cursed the slow rate of progress on the road and hopped across a deep pothole, scattering a few cobbles. There was that noise again. It wasn't really a footstep, more of a scraping or a grating. He noticed a doorway to a church he knew and decided to make a visit. At the very least he might throw off his tail. He smiled at his pun and made for the door. The noises died away. The thought of meeting Lapinette cheered him up, so he grinned and pushed his way through the heavy swing door.

The Wabbit's Famous Adventure Caffè

They met before the Adventure Caffè. Each had told the other they were going to get the whisky for St Andrew's Day. Each went separately to Doreca because they had the best stock of malt whisky in town. So they met outside by surprise. Lapinette hung on the door. "What kind of whisky would you like?" The Wabbit laughed. "Laphraoig with extra peat." They Wabbit would drink pure unadulterated peat if he could. Wabsworth was an android and expected to come up with something unusual."Torabhaig please, for the discerning android." Lapinette was expected to make an exciting choice but plumped for tradition - with Lagavulin. "A tasty and invigorating experience," she trilled. Skratch made an interesting geo-political choice. "Auchentoshan, a lowland malt with an Irish heritage." He sniffed as if he could already smell it. "Lapinette, off you go," said the Wabbit. "Put it all on the Department's expenses account." Wabsworth was dubious. "Will they authorise that?" The Wabbit grinned. "I'll sign it through as cultural spending." They all laughed. "OK, Skratch," said Lapinette. "What was that for a sort of adventure we just had?" Skratch meaowed. "It's a case of the parts and the whole." Lapinette swung on the door. "Yes, it has a seamless unity which merged with its own construction." Wabsworth looked serious. "In the tradition of the Moebius Strip?" The Wabbit felt a joke coming on. "Let's go down to the Strip, see what Caffè mischief we can rustle up."

6. The Wabbit and the Derelict Beach Hut

The Wabbit and Lapinette came stumbling out of a derelict beach hut on Fregene beach. "Do get a move on, Wabbit." Lapinette waved her paws frantically. "This place is going to vanish into the sea!" She hurried along, her tartan frock flaring behind her. The Wabbit looked unconcerned and gave a friendly wave to the Raven he'd left behind. But the weather was closing in. He heard a peal of thunder and glowered at the sky. "Accursed weather," he grimaced. He sank into the sand - which was beginning to shift. "Better get out of here," he muttered. "I just said that," shouted Lapinette. The Wabbit leaped over the rocks. "What about the tourists?" Lapinette growled. "Can you see any?" They made their way further up the deserted beach. They looked behind them. The beach hut crumbled. Rafters fell with a crash. Before long, the hut was gone. Wind blew sand across the remains. "What about the Raven?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit shrugged. "He'll be fine in his bunker." They knew the Raven's plans for a tourist revival were becoming remote. They turned and looked to see if any of the many seaside restaurants were open. Most were shuttered against the weather, but lights glowed from Il Delfino. "I can smell fish." Lapinette looked delighted. The Wabbit's nose twitched. "And prosecco." They headed in the direction of the restaurant. "Shall we enjoy a tasty meal?" He brushed sand from his fur. "We'd be foolish not to," murmured Lapinette. 

5. The Wabbit and the Raven on the Cloud

They rounded a corner and made their way through a bleak tunnel. It was half reinforced by iron rods and concrete blocks. Some one had built it to last. "Caw," said a voice. They came to a standstill. "I know that caw," said the Wabbit. Lapinette stretched her paws out. "So do I. Nice Raven. Nice Raven!" The Raven cawed again. "I'm not nice, I can be thoroughly unpleasant. I have my own cloud." Lapinette grinned. "How many ravens do you know, Wabbit?" The Wabbit stuck his paw in his fur. "Just this one. Same as you." The Raven fluttered. "Do you require a message? You may have one if you brought me power tools." The Wabbit laughed. "I'll put in a chit." Lapinette had her paws on her hips. "What is this place, Raven?" "This is the Bunker under the Beach. Built to repel nuclear attack." The Wabbit shook his head. "Scrapped?" The Raven cawed long and hard, then shrugged with its wings. "It fell under a spell. Things vanished into thin air. Just junk, dreams and this cloud remain." They stood quietly for a while, drinking in fresh air that came from a nearby inlet. "I suppose you want out," cawed the Raven. "That would be a plan," commented the Wabbit. "I'll take you, but I have a message for outside," said the raven. "This location needs refurbishment, tourists, coach tours." Lapinette folded her paws. "And a caffe-bar." The Wabbit dug his paw into his fur. "I'll put it to the Department. In the mean time, look out for that cloud or you'll be mist."

[Raven by https://pixabay.com/users/dshap-35921910/]

4. The Wabbit and the Storage Facility

The Wabbit and Lapinette dropped through the steep chasm. Sand gave way to bricks. They found themselves in an abandoned storage facility. The Wabbit picked himself up and dusted himself down. "Amazing what you find under the beach." On instinct he dug in his fur for his automatic. Lapinette was already on her feet and waving an edged weapon. The Wabbit felt a negative presence and he fired. Lapinette swung the blade and connected with something. She felt the blade carve into an object - but to no avail. "Something here," muttered the Wabbit. "Nothing good," growled Lapinette. She expected to see a sign, blood, hair, something. The Wabbit fanned the trigger, more for effect than anything else. He fired a few more rounds, just to watch bullets ricochet around. "Only ghosts." Lapinette shrugged. She peered into the gloom. "What's in the storage cannisters?" She tapped one with the handle of her knife. "They sound empty." In the Wabbit's experience cannisters were seldom empty. They both shrugged. Weapons at the ready they made their way along the passageway. Yet all the time they sensed a presence. Lapinette shuddered. The Wabbit tapped another cannister with his gun. "Oooooooooooh." The Wabbit tapped again. "Make yourself known." Lapinette tapped too. "Nooooooooooh." "I thought I detected a negative presence," snorted the Wabbit.

[Background picture: https://pixabay.com/users/conner-95506/ ]

3. The Wabbit as Clouds Rolled In

Things changed. The sky had been the clearest blue but dark clouds rolled in and rain began. Little spits at first, then all of a sudden, lashing rain. The Wabbit and Lapinette scampered for cover and took shelter by an old out-building in need of repair. "Ah well, worse things happen at sea," said the Wabbit. Lapinette gave the Wabbit a look and plucked an umbrella from her frock. "You think you're very funny." She put up the umbrella and they both sheltered under it. The building gave them a little protection, but the rain was approaching horizontal. The Wabbit was glad of the umbrella. He said so. Lapinette gathered much-needed warmth from the building. "Get closer to the wall, Wabbit."  He leant against it and muttered something about clouds and rain and general wetness. The sky grew blacker, and he heard a peal of thunder. He gave an involuntary shudder. "Do remember the cloud entity?" Lapinette nodded. "That was in Torino in specific circumstances." The Wabbit dug his feet into the sand. "I feel an adventure coming on." Lapinette did the same. "Nothing from the Department." "The Department is slow," said the Wabbit. At that moment he heard a noise. It was somewhere between a creak and a slosh. They both looked down. The sand was giving way. A chasm appeared. "Looks deep!" With a sudden lurch they were sliding. Lapinette grasped her umbrella as if it would help. The Wabbit grabbed her paw as they both vanished into an ever-widening fissure.

2. The Wabbit and Clouds on the Beach

The Wabbit had to meet Lapinette at the beach. It was a fine day with hardly a cloud in the sky. Lapinette climbed the rocks, bounded at the Wabbit and fired several kisses at him - all of which landed. The Wabbit pretended to lap them off and grinned. "No clouds," he said." Lapinette landed on the rocks. "Only a few contrails." The Wabbit looked up and saw one in the distance. They were close to Fiumicino airport and so any kind of vapour trails were visible. "Contributes to global warming?" he observed. "Minimal," responded Lapinette. The Wabbit thought he was funny. "Seeding the environment with barium?" Lapinette laughed. "Seeding the environment with drivel." The Wabbit stuck his paw in his fur and adopted a serious expression. "It's an evil scheme to poison our prosecco." "Nonsense, our prosecco is unharmed." replied Lapinette. "You're just part of the conspiracy," said the Wabbit. "Don't spray me," laughed Lapinette. They both giggled and rolled about. "What about the Cloud, what's it made of?" asked the Wabbit - when they had time to draw a breath. "Linux servers, mostly," responded Lapinette. They both giggled hysterically. "I'll take you for a drink," winked the Wabbit. "I'm floating on air," smiled Lapinette. 

1. The Wabbit high up in The Cloud

The Wabbit was exploring on his day off. He'd found a way in to the Cloud building in EUR, just to take a look and see what the fuss was about. He was impressed. What if all buildings could be like this - ordinary on the outside and amazing on the inside? He'd had to climb a stationary escalator because of some security hoo-hah - and was feeling in need of a refreshment. He looked all around. None of the bars were open. He shrugged and mentally formulated a letter of complaint. He knew that the cloud was a much-used term these days. It usually referred to available space on other people's computers and wasn't really in what people called the sky. Even clouds vanished pretty smartly in the upper layers of the atmosphere. The Wabbit decided it was a silly name but you had to call it something. He started to hum. "Hey you, get off of my cloud." He looked this way and that, to see if anyone had heard. There was no-one on his part of the cloud and that was just the way he liked it. A few spectators gathered on a different level. "Stay exactly where you are," he murmured. He imagined the world had stopped. "I don't suppose my judgement could be clouded," he thought. He giggled and made for a lift. He had to meet Lapinette and it wouldn't do to be late - so he'd better come down from his cloud. He went on his way, laughing at his own joke.  

The Wabbit at his Adventure Caffè

The team gathered at the Chiesa Nuova di Santa Maria before making their way to the Adventure Caffè. Lapinette had to pick up cosmetics at the Farmacia Langeli, and Skratch needed his special cat food from PAM. Skratch brought up the rear but was anxious to ask the question. "What was that for a sort of adventure?" Wabsworth was first. "It was hugely silly." The Wabbit joined in. "And ridiculous." Lapinette pirouetted. "That's not to say it can't be analysed. Skratch nearly pounced. "That's been the essence of every horror story from Frankenstein onwards." The Wabbit laughed. "We had ice mice, dragons and graboids - a mixture of science fiction and horror. Applying semiotics to each would be a monster task!" Skratch giggled. "Added to that, we had your famous disposable narrative." The Wabbit made a face. "We went for change and shock to elicit tension and fear in the reader." Lapinette did a small dance. "It was intertextuality again." Wabsworth was not to be outdone. "The Ice Mice are a constant retelling reference to a text that goes back to 2011 - with similar themes of weather change and environmental destruction." Lapinette danced for a bit. "Our graboids are the subject of fan fiction that transcends most genres." At the mention of genre, the Wabbit hopped forward. "The Ape Bar is over there, not far." They all hopped with him. and the team cheered. But the Wabbit paused. "Where's Tipsy?" Lapinette smiled. "Already there."

12. The Wabbit and the Quantum Mesh

The Wabbit was nearly as good as his word. With Lapinette safely aboard, Susan zoomed across the location and the Wabbit unleashed the quantum mesh he'd built in his shed. It wasn't quite ready and showed a lack of stability - but it worked. A vortex hovered above the creatures' nest. He never saw where they went, but they went somewhere. "Success," muttered the Wabbit. "Where did they go?" asked Lapinette. The Wabbit shrugged. Somewhere in the inter-dimensionality of the universe," ventured Wabsworth. The scene warped behind them. The Wabbit was jocular. "Foot down Susan, we don't want to join them in the whatsit of space." Ancient fortifications bent like bananas and trees arched like bows but Susan flew right through. Tipsy appeared with the Graboid baby and they both kept up with consummate ease. Muttering and miaowing, Skratch clung on as a cat should. "Did you build this according to a manual, Wabbit?" "Made it up as I went along." replied the Wabbit. A supersonic bang sounded behind them. "Things are retuning to normal," observed Lapinette. The Wabbit gave a wry smile, which was his speciality. "Not quite. Subtle changes." Lapinette put her paws on her hips. "Wabbit!" Skratch giggled. Wabsworth too. "I programmed the vortex to leave a bar behind," said the Wabbit. Wabsworth chuckled. "Does Susan still have that cocktail cabinet?" Susan hung on a wingtip and dived. "There might be leftovers from when we gave Bono a lift." "Doubt it," sulked the Wabbit.

11. Lapinette and the Adult Graboids

Lapinette looked down, then lifted her walkie talkie and whispered. "I found them." They squirmed and wiggled and writhed below Lapinette's perch but showed no signs of having seen her. Lapinette backed off and let the Wabbit's voice come through the speaker. "How many?" Lapinette's ears flapped. "Three. No sign of any more. One of them has a large tongue." She wondered how to contain them. "There's solid rock here. I think they may have become trapped." The Wabbit was clearly thinking. Lapinette could hear his brain creaking. "Maybe we could contain them." Silence. He was having a long ponder. "I think a quantum mesh would do it." Lapinette thought too. "What?" "Oh you know, a black hole kind of thingy. I'll get Wabsworth onto it." The sun beat down and the beasts continued to writhe. Any tufts of grass that remained went brown and shrivelled. "They don't like sun," said Lapinette. "Useful to know," muttered the Wabbit. As the sun moved round, the creatures emitted frantic sounds and writhed even more. With a howl, their single eyes blinked and the shields that covered them closed. They began to dig down into solid rock like drills. Chatter vibrations shook Lapinettte's 28 teeth. She growled through them. "They're not trapped. So whatever you have in mind, you better make it quick." 

The Wabbit's Bunnyman Hallowe'en

In a break from the usual venue, the Wabbit invited his team to a bunker, deep in the mountains. The cave was lined with warning signs and radiation suits. With a sinister smile he pressed a button and a projector sprung to life. Lapinette squealed with delight. "A Hallowe'en movie!" The image flickered to life with a title card which read, "Bunnyman: Study Extract." The Wabbit touched the pause button and grinned. Skratch arrived together with Wabsworth. "Moving with the times?" The Wabbit's paw hovered over the pause button. "Everything changes." Skratch's meaow echoed down the cavern. "No axe?" Wabsworth nodded. "A chainsaw is always part of the current mode." The Wabbit hit the pause button. Footsteps sounded. The Bunnyman loomed into view. His image flickered on the roof. "I am the Bunnyman!" he leered. Lapinette drew close to the image. Her paw touched the image. "Yeuch" it's wet. "Just condensation," said the Wabbit. She looked closer. It was covered in blood. The Bunnyman leaned out with his chainsaw. Lapinette screamed as it protruded forward and sprayed blood. "I am the Bunnyman, and I'll get you rabbits." The Wabbit switched the projector off, but the image stayed. Then they heard footsteps again from down the cavern. "I live here," continued the echoing voice. "I'll be coming for you." The Wabbit tried the projector again but it was jammed. Finally the image faded. Skratch laughed. "Persistence of vision!"